


Three Blind Tooke

by ElmiDol



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, But uses TLJ, Dark fic, Emotional and psychological elements, Enemy relations, F/F, F/M, Force Bonds, Forced Orgasm, Inappropriate Use of Lightsabers, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Long-term body damage, Loss of Virginity, Manipulation, Manipulative Kylo Ren, Mind Control, Prisoner of War, Rape/Non-con Elements, Resistance!Reader, Some politics, TLJ Spoilers, Vaginal Fisting, Violence, War, ash play, canon-divergence, dub-con, gray characters, horrible poetry, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 05:17:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 36
Words: 198,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10655709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElmiDol/pseuds/ElmiDol
Summary: You had not known why the bodies were taken from the battlefield, however you stood by the belief that the Resistance would not be intimidated.Slowly, as a prisoner and as a guest, you would learn that there could no longer be the Resistance. At least, not for you. You guarded yourself as best you could to protect the information, the secrets of your training.Like puppets scrambling to work against the puppeteer, you and those who held you captive began to find a means of creating a precarious harmony. Two vying for power, two whom you hoped to destroy. If only one had not grown to value your life.{Part One: Resistance is Futile - Chapters 1 through 24}{Part Two: Precarious Harmony - Chapters 25 through 40}





	1. ONE

_Three blind tooke,_  
three blind tooke;  
See how they squirm,  
See how they squirm;  
They all’re caught up in the strife;  
As they fall, so there ends a life;  
Have you ever before seen such a fright,  
These three blind tooke. 

 

** Three Blind Tooke  
_Part One: Resistance is Futile ___** ____

__Chapter One : A Pocket Full of Posey_ _

____When asked if I was prepared for death,  
It was without hesitation that I spoke, “Yes”;  
And yet when it came time for me to die,  
Still I posed the time-old question: Why?_ _

_  
___  


__You had seen it before; stormtroopers collecting the bodies of those felled by Kylo Ren. As a member of the Resistance, you had grit your teeth at the sight before being dragged away, lest you be added to that number. Why it was deemed fit to gather the bodies, you were not entirely certain. Some Resistance members said that it was to confirm the ranks of the fallen. This you did not believe; why not gather _all_ bodies then? It was too ghastly to imagine what might be done to a body after death. The worst part of it all was that the remains could not be brought to loved ones for proper disposal, be it cremation or burial._ _

__The aftermath of your first mission had been more traumatizing than the sight of death itself. People breaking down into tears was something you had seen before. The holographic image of a child bursting into tears, however, was nothing you had experienced. You had stood there, shell-shocked, as you watched the child’s mother bend down to comfort him. He was at the age where he understood death and the finality of it. There was nothing you could say that would comfort those in mourning. You could only stare._ _

__One of your fellow Resistance members had placed a hand on the small of your back. It had startled you back into the moment. Your breathing had slowed, though you had not been conscious of this. Your lips parted and you dragged in air more greedily. It seemed to catch in your throat, so you excused yourself before that first sob could erupt. You never again were present when the news was delivered to loved ones._ _

__This time would have been no different in terms of watching as members of the Resistance fell at the hands of the darkly clad man while never knowing their post-mortem fates. You glared at his black figure, readied your weapon, and took aim. You had been trained as a long-distance shooter, and at last did you trust your skills enough to target the man who had become the bane of your existence. No, the _creature_._ _

__An explosion to your left caused you to duck for cover. The sound of the blast echoed in your ears; because that would potentially throw off your aim, you waited several seconds. When you were able to right yourself, the creature known as Kylo Ren was no longer in sight. Already a number of stormtroopers were gathering the dead. Your lips curled into a snarl underneath your helmet. If you could, you would have spat on the ground to get rid of the taste in your mouth. As it was, you tasked yourself with searching for those unfortunately familiar black robes. Unable to locate them, however, you shifted out of position._ _

__Squeezing your eyes closed, you felt your chest heaving with each breath you took. Rage was filling you, you knew. Your flesh felt far too hot for it to be anything else. Frustration. Blindly shooting at the stormtroopers would not be of any assistance to the Resistance. Your objective was to eliminate any officer of importance. Any member of the First Order that was vital. Currently, Kylo Ren was the only such being to fit the bill. He had been high priority, your ultimate task; but that had not been why you had been sent to this planet—you had not even been aware that Kylo Ren would be present._ _

___Where the hell did he go?_ you wondered, lying on your back for several seconds longer. You then rolled onto your stomach and began to half-crawl, half-drag yourself away. You kept an ear out for any shouts that would indicate you could be of assistance, any acknowledgments on the part of the stormtroopers that their superior was nearby._ _

__Instead you heard dirt. You paused, your breath heavy as ever, and listened again. The sifting of dirt underneath foreign weigh, that was as a more accurate description. The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end. You rolled onto your back, pointing your weapon to take aim at whoever it was pursuing you. At such a leisurely pace, the creature that was intended to be your target stepped closer. The hilt of his plasma blade was in his hand, his thumb on the switch. You pressed against the ground with the heels of your feet, shoving yourself further back whilst slipping your finger in place on the trigger._ _

__He was _playing_ with you, you realized with a suppressed shudder. Taking a step rightward, straight, a little to the left. Subtle shifts in his robes around those feet that you were observing when you were not staring at his masked visage. You rolled once more, springing up onto your feet and taking off as fast as you could. Your feet hit the ground loudly, your weapon rattling in your hands. You clutched the rifle closer to your chest to stop some of the jostling. He was not running after you; the robed creature was still playing. But you could hear him slowly following after you, _hunting_ you. Small snapping sounds as twigs broke. He was not even trying to be subtle, to be quiet. Because you had seen him, the game was only to drive more fear into you by letting it be known that he was _still_ there._ _

__Your eyes were ever searching for a field that would give you a slight advantage. You had seen that lightsaber he was holding deflect many blasts from close-range. Blood pulsed in your ears. Then you paused, realizing that _that_ was all you could hear. No more footsteps. You looked over your shoulder. A cold sweat broke out on your flesh at the impression that you were alone. You _knew_ that this could not be the case. Walking backwards, your head whipping back and forth, you found yourself tensing when your back met something solid. Your shoulders heaved with your breathing, and you felt your body start to pitch forward, however caught yourself before you collapsed._ _

__You managed to slip your finger against the trigger once more, preparing yourself to shoot. As you spun, you angled the nozzle of your weapon in the direction of his head. You started to pull back the trigger, however found yourself screaming as the rifle was wrenched from your grasp; your finger snapped backwards, and you knew it had been broken. Your lungs felt as though they were burning with every breath. That masked face considered you, the visor pointed in the direction of the front of your helmet. As though the creature behind it was curious about the person who had been hunting him not long ago; the person whom he now hunted._ _

__His curiosity, however, was overridden by his intentions to eliminate members of the Resistance. Something hot entered your body; burning enough that the searing heat you had felt in your lungs was nothing. Behind your helmet, your eyelids fluttered. You stared at the cold mask before you in shock then dropped your gaze. The plasma blade had entered your body the moment he had activated his lightsaber. Just as quickly, without a care, his thumb hit the button and the blade vanished._ _

__You could hear footsteps as you collapsed to the ground below. The burning alternated with cool air rushing past the wound and into you. You waited to feel wetness, to feel your blood leaving your body. Your breathing became labored as the stormtroopers approached their superior. A pulsing in your ears again; your heartbeat, which was becoming slower. Your vision blackened around the edges then faded away completely._ _

__When next you woke, you found that the pain from your wound had not disappeared in the least. There was no blood; no wetness pooling from your body nor sticky coagulation. The injury had been cauterized by the hot blade. Your fingers twitched, and suddenly you were forced to remember that your index finger had been broken. Your mouth opened in a silent scream. You could feel the minute amount of air that you had managed to drag into your lungs escaping. No sound emerged. Perhaps your vocal chords were shot. You knew it was not your hearing; you could hear static-like noises, random metal clinking. A sort of buzzing as well, though this was all muffled. All around you, on top of you and underneath, were the bodies of your comrades. Fallen comrades, you corrected yourself; you had been collected along with them._ _

__It was with a morbid bout of humor that you realized you were about to learn what was done with the bodies of the enemies of the creature known as Kylo Ren. When you heard movement around you, you realized that weight was being lifted from you. Your head was spinning as it tried to wrap itself around the pain flowing through you._ _

___I’m not on a ship…_ The thought struck you as odd. And then your other senses were kicking in. Smoke; you could smell smoke. Something burning, something so _putrid_ , and— _They burn the bodies?__ _

__You did not see what the purpose was. Not until minutes later when more weight was taken off of you, when the bodies were no longer blocking your view of the crematorium oven. The ashes were collected and set into a canister. You felt your mouth go dry; he collected the ashes of his enemies. You wanted to cry right there, to scream. Yet you found yourself hardly able to even breathe. And soon you would burn, you thought to yourself. It wouldn’t matter in a matter of seconds. You would soon be lifted, be pushed into the flame, would be burned alive—not that they would care even if they realized you had not yet died._ _

__“A-ah!” The startled gasp as a door opened and heavy boot steps filled the air. “Lord Ren. I… I’m nearly finished, sir.”_ _

__The creature known as Kylo Ren did not reply to the man tasked with the duty of burning the fallen Resistance members. Who knew _what_ disgusting things he did with their ashes, you thought. You felt your lips twitching, wanting to twist into a snarl of disgust yet your body was too exhausted to manage even that small feat. The footfalls drew closer, and suddenly your vision of the oven was obscured by that cold metal mask. He was staring at you. If you didn’t know any better, you would say he was _watching_ you as if he _knew_ you were alive._ _

__Your heart, beating faintly in your chest, nearly hiccupped. The creature set a hand on your abdomen, directly above your wound. That he was even touching you only increased your disgust. Such thoughts were overwhelmed by sheer pain when two gloved fingers dipped into the hole through which the saber had pierced. Your throat felt as though it were being torn as a weak scream, this time audible, was ripped from you. The man working in the crematorium startled, a noise of surprise issuing forth._ _

___Just burn me! Just burn me already!_ you screamed in your mind, wishing Kylo Ren would remove his hand from you. You were a member of the Resistance! Not some toy for his morbid curiosity! He could play with you when you were nothing more than ashes!_ _

__His fingers trailed back out of your wound, and walked up the length of your body until his hand reached your throat. His palm flattened against your neck, though he did not press on it, did not cut off your air supply, which was already limited to begin with. Instead his thumb played at the latch of your helmet. Kylo Ren hit the latch, and you felt air sweep in over your face. Hot air, filled with the scent of your comrades’ burning corpses. Death all around you._ _

__It made you think of when you were back on base. Burying the dead. Burning them. Keeping a mask over your face, the smell of flowers beside your bed. Incense. Anything to erase the horrible stench._ _

__Right then you _wanted_ to smell the burning flesh, though. You wanted to smell _your_ flesh burning. Feel the flames eating at you. A scorching heat that would shrivel your skin, tear it away from your bones. You wanted _that_ instead of the sensation of your helmet being fully removed, your countenance, twisted in pain and revulsion, being revealed to the monster that had ended so many lives. Kylo Ren dropped your helmet on the ground as he stood there over you._ _

__The silence clung in the air. For how long—it may have been mere milliseconds. You were inspected through that visor as though you were nothing more than some science experiment. It ran through your mind again, the way he had prodded your wound. The curiosity of a cruel child about to break a toy._ _

__“You’re the first Resistance _fighter_ I’ve seen,” he said, as though he enjoyed the sound of his own, metallic voice. As though he were amusing himself with the fact that you hadn’t yet perished. He seized your upper arm, yanked you to your feet and spun you around so that your back was to him. You nearly collapsed under your own weight. Your uniform covered much of your flesh. It was designed to conceal you from your enemies. Darker in color due to the terrain of the planet you had occupied. A finger trailed along your exit wound, the leather caressing charred flesh. You gagged at his touch, nausea coursing through you as your wound was inspected. Vomit pushed up the entirety of your throat, spilling out of your mouth onto the floor. You swayed in Kylo Ren’s grasp._ _

__It was a wonder you were still alive. Any second now and your body would at last give out on you. You wished it would be sooner rather than later; wished with every fiber of your being that you would not have to endure his touch, his presence, for much longer. You wanted to be _burned_ , to join your fallen comrades in the creature’s collection of ashes._ _

__But the man was quite like a feline toying with its prey. Batting at it, keeping it down; not allowing it to escape but not killing it just yet. He wrapped an arm around your back, dipping so that he could catch under your knees. You were taken out of the crematorium, away from the smell of ashes and death. You grit your teeth. In your mouth lingered the taste of your vomit; in your nostrils remained the smoke you had been inhaling._ _

__The creature responsible for your current position carried you to what you could only assume was the medical ward. The physicians obeyed him without question after you were set upon one of the beds. An oxygen mask was placed over your face, an IV pushed into your vein. Your eyelids fluttered. You tried to shake your head, however found yourself still weak. Gloved fingers surveyed the damage done to you by the man’s lightsaber. It was rare anyone survived such an injury for as long as you had._ _

___I should have just burned!_ you screamed in your head, feeling your vision blurring whenever you were prodded. A sob tore at you when you felt your broken finger being set. You were their enemy! A Resistance fighter!_ _

__You were being tended to for the creature’s sick amusement, you noted; you watched him through the haze and fog that was threatening to overwhelm your mind. The creature was standing at the foot of your bed, his visor pointed in your direction. Watching you as you were tended to by the medical staff. You watched him observing you until at last you passed out._ _

__When next you awoke, you found your wrist shackled to the metal table on which you were set. You tugged at the chain as best you could; you were still in a highly weakened state. As you lifted your wrist a little higher, roughly an inch and a half, above your chest, you found yourself pausing. In your peripheral you caught sight of the shadow crouching in the corner of the room. Your gaze darted to the creature, who remained in that same position. He was still watching you._ _

__“You’ve been hunting me,” he stated flatly. You slipped your tongue out of your mouth, wetting your dry, cracked lips whilst narrowing your eyes. Kylo Ren drew up to his full height. You noticed then that he did not have on his outer robes. His body was a little leaner than you had thought, though not without the visible evidence of toned muscles underneath his armor. “Well—you’ve caught my attention.”_ _

__You clenched your teeth. The creature across from you really liked to amuse himself, didn’t he? Turning away from him, you pawed at the shackle around your wrist with your free hand. There was no escaping. With that thought causing your stomach to flip, you raised your wrist to your lips. Before you could open your mouth and bite open the visible vein, you found your body suddenly feeling as though it weighed a ton. You could not move; your wrist was a mere inch from where your teeth could do their work. Yet you could not move your mouth, your head, your arm—anything._ _

__Kylo Ren strode over to where you were kept. He reached behind you, and you heard the clattering sounds of another chain. You had not noticed previously that there was a second chain present. This he secured around your other wrist, turning you in order to accomplish this task. Your arms were stretched out to your sides. You could not lift them entirely even once control of your body was handed back to you._ _

__“Just kill me,” you hissed out with vehemence. He was standing directly before you, and you could do nothing. Even your meager attempts to raise your legs so that you could kick him were in vain; your body was still too exhausted, too drained after being run through by the saber. You eyed the hilt of that plasma blade; it was attached to the belt on Kylo Ren’s waist._ _

__He took a single step back. His hand dropped to his belt, to the very object that kept hold of your attention, and he withdrew the lightsaber. The three plasma blades lit the room more brightly than the small light that was affixed to the wall; the red glow tinged your flesh abnormally. For him—it only made the creature standing before you seem all the more inhuman._ _

__Remembering the hot feel of the blade within you, you felt yourself subconsciously tensing. Kylo Ren lifted the weapon, the tip of it nearly touching your lips. You could feel the heat emanating from the blade, radiating against your already dry lips, which parted as your eyebrows drew upwards. With a flick of his wrist, he easily set the blade at the side of your neck. If you were cut this time, it would be impossible to survive. That in mind, you tried to lean into the blade. Kylo Ren, chuckling, angled it away. The red glow faded from the room._ _

__“You bastard,” you whispered. Truth be told, you were more terrified of living than you were of dying at that point. What reason could he possibly have to keep you alive? He had intended to kill you, had driven his lightsaber through you. You were unlucky to survive your injuries, which were now treated so as to not prove fatal._ _

__“Of all the Resistance fighters, you’ve observed me the most…” He tilted his head to the side, inspecting you. You lowered your gaze to his legs; you could not quite see his feet at your current angle. “Running to gain an upper hand—you’ve observed my speed in the past.” Taunting you in regards to the mistakes you had made. “You’re the first to survive…a careless mistake on my part.” He should have dragged the lightsaber at an angle, should have caused more damage to your internal organs to ensure that you didn’t survive._ _

__“You could have let me burn.” You rolled your wrists, your eyes darting to your broken finger, which was set in a splint._ _

__“Show you mercy?” You snarled at him when his mocking tone assaulted your ears. “Never—not for an enemy of the First Order.” You worked your tongue between your teeth, ready to bite down. Just as you were applying the pressure, however, his hand darted forward, fingers shoved into your mouth and nearly down your throat. You spluttered, gagging at the three digits, two of which pressed down on your tongue. You turned your head to the left then right, trying to rid yourself of the man’s fingers. Kylo Ren did not relent, using his thumb to grip under your chin, holding his hand in place. Still gagging, you glowered miserably at him when Kylo Ren forced you to look at him. “Even still you fight me. You would die rather than submit—I gave you the chance to die. You didn’t take it.”_ _

__Not by any choice of your own, you shot back in your mind. His fingers holding down your tongue, stuffed near your throat, kept you from saying the words aloud. Kylo Ren was a sick creature that delighted in the misery of the Resistance members, you reminded yourself. You had survived death. And now this creature wanted to _play_ with you because of it. To break you completely. You breathed through your nose, your chest rising and falling in a noticeable rhythm. You did not doubt he could see the hatred in your eyes despite the poor lighting._ _

__“You will break. They always do.”_ _

__You tried to jerk your head back, yet he tightened his grip. “Huh Wehhehhanh hwoa bweh hinhimhihaheh.”_ _

___The Resistance won’t be intimidated._ _ _

__“We’ll see,” he countered, sounding ever sure._ _

____

_All throughout the war, see:_  
These pockets full of Posey;  
Those ashes, our ashes;  
Let’s all burn down. 


	2. TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thank you to bestwithalisp for checking over part of this and helping me figure things out.

** Three Blind Tooke   
_Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Two: Consuming the Innocent

_Cold toes and the shivering night,  
Pull up the sheet and avoid a fright;  
It lives and breathes beneath the bed,  
Let it catch you, now you’re dead._

While you were still shackled, while his fingers remained in your mouth, his thumb pressing into the underside of your jaw, there entered a member of the First Order whose position you were uncertain of. Air rushed in and out of your nostrils as a strange coating was applied to your teeth; it felt as though there was rubber sealing them, and you became aware of the fact that you would not be able to bite—not yourself to end your life, and not the creature who had at last relinquished his hold of you. Kylo Ren took a step back as a sort of muzzle was secured around your face to prevent you from placing anything into your mouth to harm yourself in that manner. You pressed your teeth together in frustration and felt, for the first time, the rubber-like coating doing its work.

Next were your hands, upon which were placed mittens that were secured to new shackles. The chain of these shackles was draped behind your back and still limited your movement, but was more to prevent you from removing the mittens. You had very limited use of your hands now, of what you were able to grab and do. It was when you were in this state, essentially defenseless, that the creature took his leave of you. The First Order member undid the first set of shackles. He seized you by your upper arm, hoisting you up and practically dragging you away. You stumbled at almost each step, which jarred your body and caused pain to throb around your wound.

The man stripped you—literally cutting away your shirt and bra so that the shackles did not have to be removed—wet a cloth, and cleaned you in that manner. You fought off tears of shame, of embarrassment, as this occurred; but you said nothing, not wanting to give them the satisfaction. After you were cleaned, the First Order member held open a pair of underwear. It was black, which hardly surprised you. You stared at it for several seconds, wondering if you should protest, should make his job harder. But you hated the fact that you stood bare before him, and so you weakly lifted your leg and allowed him to pull the cloth over you. The other portion of your new attire was laughable; it almost appeared to be a dress—again, black—that lacked sleeves, and the man easily slipped it up your body. It hardly covered your chest. Any sudden movement threatened to cause it to slip—if you attempted to escape while wearing this, you would soon be exposed once more to your enemy.

They left your feet bare. The First Order member once again grabbed your upper arm. You felt his fingers digging into your flesh as he led you down the corridors and hallways of—you still were uncertain where you were. Not on a ship. A planet? Some random base? Your eyes darted here and there, taking in all that could be seen. You wanted to be able to provide the Resistance with _something_ if you managed to devise a way to escape. The man thrust you into a room and closed the door, not even bothering to enter with you.

You stared at the door, your fingers twitching underneath the mittens and your tongue running for the umpteenth time along the seal around your teeth. You sniffed indignantly—then paused. You could smell food. You had not realized how hungry you were until that moment; your stomach grumbled, and you mentally cursed it for the noise. The next thing you noticed was that you had the strangest sensation that you were _not_ alone in the room.

A new cage, but the same predator. Trapped with him for another time.

You turned slowly, trying to keep a brave face despite circumstances. His black figure was seated on a bed, beside which there was a tray of food. To the Kylo Ren’s left—to the right of the bed—stood a container that was nearly half the creature’s height. You could see the ashes therein; the thing was filled with them. It disgusted you, threatened to negate the hunger that was building inside of you.

“Those are the newest.” His first words to you since you had entered what you could only assume was his bedroom. You felt bile rising in your throat, and you feared you would vomit—feared it because of the muzzle on your face. Kylo Ren rose from his spot on the bed. He paused, which allowed ample time for you to take in his full height. The way he held himself, as though ready to spring yet at the same time he appeared almost relaxed. You were no threat to him, not in your current state. You blinked, dropped your eyes to the floor, and then lifted your gaze when the creature took a step towards the container. He dipped a gloved hand into the ashes. Your fingers threatened to curl underneath the mittens, to form fists with your hands—save your broken digit, which only throbbed.

His fingers drew lazy patterns in the remains of your fallen comrades. You tore your gaze away from what he was doing to search for something—anything—with which to strike him. Your efforts ceased, however, when he cupped his hand and entrapped some of the ashes. He stepped away from the canister, towards you, and you felt your limbs freezing. It was by no effort of his, by no manipulation of the Force, that rendered you immobile. It was not quite fear either. Simply a sick sense of anticipation, the knowledge of what he planned to do evident. When he was directly in front of you, the creature curled his fingers around the ashes, raised his arm and tilted his hand so that the remains trickled onto your head. You blinked your eyes, some of the ashes threatening to enter and irritate your orbs.

When half the ashes he had collected had descended onto you, Kylo Ren lowered his arm. His hand pressed against your collarbone, flattening and smearing the remains along your flesh as he trailed his limb across the length of your body to your shoulder. All the while he did not stop watching you.

“You wanted to join them,” he said, his tone indicating a sense of detachment. Kylo Ren shifted, stepping behind you whilst keeping his hand on your shoulder. You did what you could to not tremble at his touch. You were not afraid of him killing you—you would prefer that more than anything. But the contact was foreign to you. Only your allies had touched you, and even then it had never felt so…intimate, so _invasive_.

But, you reminded yourself, you would not let yourself be intimidated by him. You started to turn your head, watching him out of the corner of your eye. The gloved hand made its way along your skin to the side of your throat; all the while, ashes were smeared on your flesh. What had been the point of them cleaning you?—so that you could see more easily the blackened remains of your allies upon your flesh?

“Perhaps you should be fed…” Passive still, uncaring. You looked towards the tray of food. Nothing that would require much chewing, which hit you like a punch to the gut. You were being treated like an _animal_. Like some form of mild entertainment. You refused to allow these facts to break you in any way, shape or form. You lifted your chin, staring down your nose at the tray. Behind you, Kylo Ren chuckled. “Obstinate creature.” You felt him draw even closer to you, the metal of his mouthpiece hovering near your ear. “But, you are mistaken—I can take whatever I want.” He lifted a hand, causing you to flinch when it was placed in the air on the other side of your head. His fingers hooked, as though he were latching onto something—and you felt something in your mind, something digging and clawing its way into you as he sent tendrils of suffering through you. “Your willpower is no exception.”

You could feel him digging, searching. He was dragging up memories, the creature attempting to discover your every weakness. You sobbed in pain, however did what you could to throw up mental roadblocks. Walls. You imagined walls, thought of nothing else—until, in frustration, the monster behind you shifted and his body brushed yours. He latched immediately onto the coldness that gripped your heart.

“I see.” The clawing tendrils retreated as you swallowed down the bile that had risen in your throat. The hand lowered from your head, the creature’s limb resting on your thigh. You tensed at the contact. “You didn’t cry when you were bathed—how badly you wanted to.” You legs were locking in place. The hand parted the slit that ran up the length of half the material that covered you. Those leather fingers pinched the edge of the cloth, drawing it aside to expose the black panties. “You’ve been too afraid to even touch yourself.” You moved to catch his hand, yet found the chain stretched as far as it would go when your mittens were mere inches from his wrist. Kylo Ren chuckled again. Rather than touch you, as you had feared was his intention, the creature allowed the material to drop.

Your meager sense of relief was short lived. His grip was like a vice on your upper arms, the darkly clothed Knight of Ren forcing you forward. Your knees hit against the edge of the mattress. You tried to shoved backwards against him, attempted to deadweight to stop him from accomplishing his task, and yet you were too weak to do anything more than prolong the time it took him to finish by, perhaps, five seconds. You were turned around and shoved down, your arms practically pinned to your sides as the chain was trapped under the weight of your body.

With your legs dangling over the side of the bed, you did what you could to kick at the creature. Kylo Ren had lowered himself into a crouch. He held up an arm, upon which your first feeble attempt to harm him hit. There was a soft sound of impact. He moved forward, his hands on your inner thighs, parting your legs as well as the material that had hid your panties from his view. The creature hovered above you, his visor pointed at the simple cloth that maintained the last shreds of your dignity. Slowly, as if drinking in the sounds of you hissing and growling in frustration, Kylo Ren lowered his head so that his mouthpiece rested against the front of your underwear. You froze instantly.

“I have no interest in touching you, Resistance _scum_ ,” he said. Your lips parted, your mouth falling open at the vibrations that traveled through the lower half of your body. You had _never_ felt anything like it. Just as quickly, as though to prove his words true, Kylo Ren moved up the length of your body. You glared at him through the tears that had formed. “You will do as I say.”

“No,” you hissed out, your voice and words distorted the slightest bit by the seal around your teeth.

Kylo Ren raised a hand, the tips of his fingers on your face, near your eye. You hated the feel of leather on you. “You will do as I say.”

And something in you snapped, clicked. As though it only made sense for you to do whatever he willed. Something crawling into your brain, nudging you. “I will do as you say,” you repeated. Kylo Ren tilted his head to the side, observing you for a moment longer before he straightened himself. He stood there beside the bed, his legs between your parted limbs. The creature, your captor, withdrew the hilt of his weapon from its place at his belt. Turning it upside down, he considered you even longer.

Though your mind, under the creature’s control, was incapable of fully comprehending the abstract concept of time, it was able to _feel_ that there was a sort of wavering. The hesitation was not on your part; you knew only that, for an unexplainable reason, your purpose was to bend to Kylo Ren’s will. Ah, your mind supplied—or was it his? _His_ wavering, _his_ hesitation. A mindless creature could commit more acts than a knowledgeable human, who understood the depth of what such actions would ultimately mean. All repercussions taken into consideration. It went far beyond the ends justifying the means. It delved into every tiny ripple that was created by the disturbance.

The considerations of potential ripples entered your mind, which could not understand why the thoughts were there at all. What purpose did they serve in terms of you obeying the master of your mind? _He wants to know—he should know all._ Something buried deep within you stirred. A small voice, nearly a whisper, that urged you to resist. You should fight against this, the voice demanded.

The waves of indecision from your captor dissipated. His will power pushed across your mind again; a thick fog that obscured any images you may have been able to conjure on your own. It drowned out the small voice of resistance.

 _Please and obey,_ a new voice purred. It had no face, however such an image would have been superfluous. What need did such a benevolent sound have for some visage that would never do it justice?

Humanity—empathy and compassion gave way to the necessity of control. And thus the creature spoke:

“You will desecrate yourself on my weapon.”

“I will desecrate myself on your weapon,” you said, almost robotically. At the same time, you started to sit up, somehow knowing that this was what he willed. You maneuvered yourself onto your knees, your legs still spread. Kylo Ren hooked two fingers into your panties, drawing them to the side and exposing your cunt. You were not aroused at all—not that he cared; it was not for _your pleasure_ , rather for his own sick _entertainment_. To watch the Resistance crumble, observe your will, _your resistance_ shattered.

He lined the tip of the hilt at your entrance. Your mind did not register the feel of the metal. Only his words were present; not the feelings your body should have experienced. His former command repeated itself in your brain, and you blindly obeyed. You lowered yourself onto the metal, so that it filled you up. Stretched you. _Ripped_ you, your hymen. It was as you were raising yourself, the hilt slipping out of you, that Kylo Ren observed the blood of your virginity running down the metal. He said nothing. Not even as you plunged yourself back down onto the weapon.

“The Resistance is more willing than you let on.”

And all at once it was as though your very life was handed back over to you. It took your mind a moment to realize that you were a person; that what was happening to you was real. You screamed in agony, the pain coursing through your lower anatomy hitting you in full. As though you had been scalded and stabbed at the same time. You used your legs to push away, to raise yourself so that the metal left you. Falling backwards, you sobbed, twisting your body and curling up on yourself. Kylo Ren ran the fingers of his left hand along the hilt, smearing the blood—your blood. Without another word to you, he turned and strode away, presumably to clean the weapon so that its make was not compromised.

You breathed heavily as you lay on your side. It felt as though someone had split you in half. Tears spilled down your cheeks by the dozens. The greatest insult was not that he had ripped through your virginity with his weapon, the weapon that had killed countless allies; it was that he had tricked your mind into making _you_ commit the atrocity.

“You must be desperate to do something so vile!” you spat out when Kylo Ren reentered the room. His lightsaber, cleaned, was in its rightful spot on his belt. “Pathetic, disgusting _monster_!”

By way of response the creature walked to the tray of food. You could still feel blood slipping out of you, some remaining in your panties, which were not completely on you correctly; some ran down your thigh and dripped onto the sheets. Kylo Ren lifted a small morsel of food, which he rolled around between his fingers. He smashed it, rolled it again, working the piece into an even smaller form. It would be able to slip past one of the open portions of the muzzle, you realized. Shaking your head, you attempted to turn your face so that he could not reach your mouth. Kylo Ren was not deterred. He seized you by the hair, tugging so that your neck snapped back enough to give him room to shove the piece into your mouth. You worked your tongue against the food. Despite the fact that you were salivating, that your stomach was churning in hunger just as much as it was disgust, you attempted to push the bite back through the muzzle with your tongue.

Kylo Ren grabbed your thigh, his thumb pushing into your flesh in a manner that you let you know a bruise was going to form. The throbbing in you from the breaking of your hymen returned in full. “Gnnn!”

“It would be wise to swallow.” You hastily obeyed, wanting to rid yourself of the pain, of his touch. His hand indeed left you in favor of preparing another piece.

“You’re _depraved_ ,” you ground out before more food was shoved into your mouth.

Kylo Ren set the back of his hand against your face; his knuckles brushed your cheek in what would be considered a soothing manner had it been anyone else touching you. “You want to kill me.”

“I _will_ kill you,” you screamed after swallowing. You would have lunged for him, would have attempted to fight him in any capacity you could, if not for the throbbing between your legs. A breathy noise, as though he had scoffed at the idea. Or laughed at it. “I don’t fear you, you monster!”

“You fear—“ He paused, as though recalling his trip inside your mind. He waved a hand before your face. “Touch yourself.” Your hands dropped to your hips, parting the material and tracing through the blood. You rolled two fingers against your clit, dipped those digits to your entrance, and gathered both blood and the traces of your own juices that were forming. Kylo Ren watched you the entire time as you drew your fingers back to your clitoris and drew lazy circles around it. “A strange thing to _fear_ ,” he murmured.

Again were you handed back the faculties of your mind. You snatched your hands away from yourself, whipping them to your sides. You clenched your teeth and eyed that mask cautiously.

“You’re the first to fear it…” He almost sounded curious. “The first who had no reason to fear it.” _Had_ being the operative word. You looked away in shame.

His fingers slipped into the material, this time aiming for the wound that had been tended to. The physicians had sealed the majority of the holes that had been created by the lightsaber. Yet there remained some damage, which would heal on its own. There would, of course, be scarring. The leather of his gloves against your healing wound caused you to tense up.

“You’re still willing to fight me.” It sickened you to know what he was hinting at; that your fallen allies had broken under lesser circumstances. They had likely wanted to die, not because it would prevent Kylo Ren from achieving sick satisfaction in their misery; but because they were afraid of him. You did not want to die because you were afraid of him. It was the former. It _disgusted_ you that you were alive for his amusement. That you were in a position that was making it nearly impossible for you to attack him. Yet, because you were denied death, you would not give up so easily. You _would_ find a way to harm him. You knew this was the reason the chain was secured behind your back; so that you could not attempt to use it against him.

He reached behind himself with the hand that was not set on your flesh; seizing up the cup, which had a straw protruding, he brought the drink towards your face. You pinched your lips closed. Kylo Ren cocked his head to the side, adding pressure with his thumb to your injury. Your mouth snapped open, a cry of pain leaving you as the straw was forced past your muzzle and into your mouth. Though you could not see the creature’s face, you were under the impression that he would do worse to you if you did not drink; that he would pinch your nose closed and pour the water down your throat so that you choked but were forced to swallow some. You abhorred that you saw no better choice than to temporarily humor him. Sealing your lips around the straw, you sucked up a small mouthful before the cup was dragged away.

Having grown bored with you, Kylo Ren called for a stormtrooper to return you to the small cell in which you had previously been kept. This time you were not chained to the table-like structure you recognized to be a bed. With your hands and mouth bound as they were, you were granted the liberty of moving about the tiny area. In one corner was a bucket, which you understood to be your toilet. You wrinkled your nose, yet within minutes you had no choice but to either use it or wet the panties you wore. That would result in either you sitting in your own urine or else being returned for another cloth bath. You sloppily wiped yourself with the toilet paper after you were done; the mittens inhibited your movements more than you liked.

The blood from your broken hymen had dried to your legs. The pain had not fully dissipated. Each time you moved a certain way, the throbbing and discomfort returned. Urinating had done nothing more than aggravate your sensitive flesh as well. Your stomach was burning in hunger; the small amount of food he had fed you had, if anything, only heightened your appetite.

But that was what he wanted, you realized in little time. The creature wanted you to _beg_ him. You wouldn’t, especially not after what he had done to you—what he had made you do.

Even when you were shivering as you laid on the hard bed, you refused to beg. You knew you should ask for a blanket lest you catch a cold. Or perhaps pneumonia. Stars, you _prayed_ you would get sick. That you would catch some sort of infection the First Order physicians would be unable to cure. No such affliction arrived, however; the familiar stomping of boots echoed through the hallway outside the door. You squeezed your eyes closed, curling into a tighter ball then choking on a sob as pain rippled through your lower anatomy again. The girth of the lightsaber hilt had been anything but merciful.

The cell door opened and then shut just as suddenly. You could _feel_ his presence in the small area with you. “You’re cold,” he observed as he closed the distance between the pair of you. His hand touched your shoulder, though you weren’t sure why he would do that—he was still wearing those gloves, so it wasn’t as though he could feel you.

“Don’t you fucking touch me,” you hissed, jerking your body away from his touch.

Kylo Ren’s hand, hovering near your shoulder since you had moved so that his grip on you faltered, found your throat. You stilled at the light amount of pressure that he applied. Staring up into that cold mask of his, you could feel his gaze glued to your face. There was a sudden pressure on your mind, a single word nestling itself and repeating over and over: _submit_.

 _No,_ your mind chanted, though you could not find the strength to speak the single syllable aloud. Could not fight against the creature’s will, which was forcing itself into you the same way it had before. Sweat was gathering on your body despite the cold; in fact, it worsened the chill that assaulted your body.

When his hand slipped from your neck to your shoulder, you said nothing. You were dragged up to your feet; your knees threatened to buckle as more pain shot through you. Crumpling, you found yourself pitching forward, your body hitting into his. He hardly seemed to care.

“Are you afraid?”

“Never of you!” you said through clenched teeth, gagging the next second as you fought through the discomfort.

“You fight so well.” The compliment did nothing other than make your stomach drop, especially when Kylo Ren lowered himself onto one knee before you. His arm snaked around your waist. You lifted a knee, using it to keep some distance between your body and his as he tugged you closer. “You don’t yet realize that you’ve already lost.”

“If I had already lost, you would have finished killing me,” you responded, looking down your nose at him through narrowed eyes. “I’ve _no_ reason to fear a _coward_ hiding behind a mask.”

“Perhaps _you_ would be more afraid of what’s behind this mask,” Kylo Ren said levelly. He tugged you harder, which caused your knee to press uncomfortably against his armor before it was forced to give way. The mouthpiece of his helmet was, for a second time, pressed to your more intimate regions. This time the sorry excuse for clothing you had been given separated it from your panties. “A little tooke.”

“Is toxic to a rancor,” you returned, trying to ignore the vibrations that traveled through you. Pain threatened to give way to another sensation, which you had no desire to experience—not with this _monster_. Kylo Ren stood, his mask pressed against your body the entire way until he was able to hook the mouthpiece against the side of your neck. It was too intimate again—perhaps that was the sole reason he was acting this way. To get under your skin. His fingers toyed with the ashes he had previously smeared against your flesh.

“So easily crushed.” His hand slipped underneath the layers of black cloth, dipping into your underwear. You clenched your jaw to keep from saying anything; begging in _any_ form would be handing him a victory. And so you endured the sensation of leather caressing your outer lips before teasing your clit. The pain fully gave way to a swirling sensation that settled in your lower belly before it pooled lower. Kylo Ren moved a single finger to your entrance, where your juices had started to drip out of you. You had to swallow repeatedly, put pressure on your tongue with the rubber capping on your teeth, to keep from crying.

“They send forth the naïve to destroy those they fear,” the creature said passively. There was a humming quality to his voice, as though perhaps he was in some way curious about you. Or perhaps it was simply the way he pondered how best to break you. “How often I expect more than the Resistance is capable of.” The finger at your entrance swiveled back at forth, the tip of it tapping against either side of your walls. The grip your teeth had on your tongue nearly faltered, however you managed to press down before the organ could be fully released.

He dragged your juices back to your clit and slowly traced out the letters of his name. You were breathing through your nose, the air going in and out of you with enough noise that he could definitely hear you. Not to mention the way your chest was starting to heave. Your knees wobbled. A seam of his glove added more to the pleasure he was lazily delivering—delivering only to show you that he could trick your body into doing whatever it was he so desired.

Your eyes darted up to the ceiling. “‘I have no interest in touching you, Resistance _scum_ ,’” you said, your voice quivering around the words he had spoken earlier. His finger paused. The metal at your throat shifted back momentarily then dug more tightly into your flesh. He resumed his actions, this time working his digit faster. “Ggg…” Your jaw dropped open, and you greedily, noisily panted in attempts to gather enough air for your lungs. Kylo Ren stepped behind you, keeping his face at your throat, yet now angling so that he could watch his own actions. Your eyes darted around the room. You tried to think of things—you were covered in your allies’ remains, you reminded yourself. This creature had—he raised his other hand, kneading your chest, adding a second finger to tease your clit—he had killed so many. Would be killing more until he was killed.

“So evasive…”

Then suddenly you were not alone in your mind any longer. You could feel him once more digging, knew he was devouring your every reaction to his toxic touch. Your body was throbbing with want for more, while mentally you were screaming for it to end. Yet that screaming stopped. You tried to hold back, even in your thoughts, any pleas that would otherwise form. You would not let him hear any of it.

Kylo Ren pinched your nipple through the cloth. You gasped then cursed yourself. He was rubbing your cunt with three fingers, back and forth. Sliding over your entrance then back to your clit. Over and over again, now rolling his hand. You squirmed, moving to retreat by taking a step back only to press more tightly into his body.

Images pressed into your mind. _You on your knees, his cock halfway down your throat as he gripped onto the sides of your head._ You shook your head, swallowing thickly so that you did not scream out the _No!_ that was on the tip of your tongue, the _no_ that was nearly erased by the word _yes!_ when he flexed his wrist, the new angle proving to provide more stimulation. More images. _Something hot and wet on your cunt; his breath. A tongue delving into you, the sound of him slurping up your juices. That tongue waggling about in a manner that had you bucking your hips up, pressing yourself more tightly against his face, a face that was still a mystery to you._

“N-yes!” You threw your head back, choking on a sob and moan as you spilled onto his hand. Kylo Ren caught you when your legs gave out as your first ever orgasm crashed over you. His hand did not stop moving; he milked it out for all it was worth. “F… D… Don’t touch me!” You tried to wrench yourself from his grasp the moment you came down from the high achieved by your release.

“And yet you crave my touch,” was his response, the words instantly bringing you to a stop when a moment before you had been trying to elbow him to no avail. “This…” Kylo Ren stroked your over-sensitive clit, causing your legs to buckle again. “…you now know how it feels…” He repeated the action. You sobbed, wanting to beg him to stop but not wanting to beg. The creature behind you smeared your juices along your inner thigh, mixing them with the blood that had dried there. “A simple touch and you crumble.”

“You haven’t won,” you managed between sobs. You shook your head. “You’re _disgusting!_ … _Loathsome!_ … _Depraved!_ Damned _pervert_!”

“Pervert?” He chuckled, a sound you hated. Kylo Ren seized one of your mitten-clad hands, bringing it to the front of his pants. Even through all the layers you could feel him. “You have no affect on me, Resistance scum.” It disgusted yet at the same time shamed you to find he was not lying; touching you as he had had not seemed to arouse him in the least.

“Your actions are no less perverse,” you said, bending your wrist so that you were no longer touching him. “As though touching me isn’t in itself sexual—you monster.” This time he did not respond. Instead, Kylo Ren swept you up into his arms and carried you out of the cell. It hardly surprised you to find that he had brought you once more to his own living quarters. You were dropped unceremoniously onto the bed. Looking over your shoulder, you glowered at the sight of him punching in a code, which he hid with his body. The room was locked; the only way you could leave was if he willed it.

He returned to the bed, lying on his back as you scooted as far from him as you could without falling off the bed. The material had caught, dragging downwards so that it hardly came above your nipples. “Is this a welcoming gesture?” he taunted. Your cheeks flushed hot. More than ever you wished you had control of your hands; at least then you could reestablish some of your dignity as well as attempt to strangle him. Kylo Ren reached to the side, seizing the front of the poor attire and tugging down in a single movement. You could look at him no longer as your breasts were fully exposed. “Perhaps if you asked for mercy, you would be humored.”

Again did he want you to beg; and with the sweet _lie_ that you would be shown mercy. “I will die before I submit to you,” you said, turning your back to him and rolling onto your side. You laid down on the bed, hating the fact that you were starting to cry.

_Under the bed lies a monster; it likes to eat children, because people taste better when they’re—they call it **innocent**. If you place your foot upon the ground, you can feel his breath. That’s him drawing closer. You have to look under the bed quickly or lift your foot back up. Otherwise he’ll eat you._

It had been a tale told to you by a friend in childhood. Face your fears or else avoid them. Never let yourself be caught off-guard. You shifted, draping your leg over the side of the bed. You gripped onto the edge of the mattress while placing your foot upon the ground. You waited with bated breath.

Behind you, the creature trailed his hand along your spine.

Gloved fingers ventured down to where the material pooled under your breasts. If you sat up, the entire top would fall down to your hips. You closed your eyes, squeezing them shut as tightly as possible to where flashes of red threatened the edges of darkness. It was not the breath of the monster from your childhood that you felt. Nor was it Kylo Ren’s breath; his mask was covering that mouth. The mask that touched between your shoulder blades. In this close proximity, you could hear him breathing. You waited, wishing that breathing would stop.

If you yanked your foot back onto the bed, the monster should not have been able to touch you. But it was already lying with you—behind you, against you. Its body pressed more firmly against yours. You trembled.

How you _despised_ that you were quivering in anticipation of his next actions. In disgust. Self-loathing. How could your body have reacted that way?

You were not entirely naïve, not as Kylo Ren had implied. Your training had allowed you to know that one’s own body was such a traitorous fiend. You could not allow him to break you that way. It was your mind he was after. Your willpower. Even when he was able to control you, he could not fully bend you to his will. The creature had been incapable of tearing from you the true secrets he desired.

 _He’ll consume you if you let him,_ your mind informed you. The voice that spoke was from when you had been younger; a small, terrified child. The same voice that had told your parents: _It’s gonna eat me!_

“You may be terrified.” You wanted to tell him that you were not. You were _not_! Yet if you spoke—what would actually slip past your lips when his finger skimmed along the edges of your sorry excuse for a dress? Your heart hiccupped in your chest as you waited. Always waiting. Ready to brace yourself against whatever act the creature committed. “If you could see behind my mask…you _would_ be.”

And there the monster felt silent—but it did not leave you.

_Fleeting caresses in the depths of night,  
Comes the creature that leaves you terrified;  
So small and scared, don’t you cry nor plea—  
Those noises only fill the creature with glee._


	3. THREE

** Three Blind Tooke   
_Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Three: Faceless Creature :: Unmasked Man

_One night, my child, you wept with me;  
We mourned the monsters that had fled;  
They feared, sweet one, all humanity—  
For not even they could instill such dread._

You were not entirely sure if it was still night or early morning when you awoke. The room you were in lacked a window. The creature behind you sounded as though he was breathing evenly, as though he was asleep. You glanced down at your sorry excuse for clothing. He had never pulled the top back over your chest, which remained bare. With a snarl, you turned over in bed. Kylo Ren was lying on his back, his chest rising and falling at a steady rhythm. With your hands still chained and mittened, you knew you would be unable to do much damage with them. Likewise, you could not seize his jugular with your teeth; they were blocked not only by the rubber seal, but by the muzzle as well. That left you with limited choices. If you attempted to use your knee to press down on his throat, he could easily flip you off of him.

Thus you eased yourself closer to him. You fought off the urge to gag as you pressed your body into his, rolling on top of him. You pressed your head towards his throat, attempting to push the hard surface of your skull into his windpipe. Underneath you, the creature stirred. Kylo Ren wove an arm around your waist. “How affectionate,” he drawled. Whether he mistook your actions for nuzzling or was purposely mocking you, you were uncertain. Either way, his words struck as though he had dealt a physical blow. You froze atop him. You were waiting for him to do something—anything—yet he simply laid there.

Despite that you knew that it was in no way your fault that this creature had taken advantage of you, his words made you feel ill at ease. As though, somehow, it _had_ been your fault. Perhaps you provoked him. He had dug for a weakness to break you—why did you continue to resist him? So many others in the Resistance broke under lesser circumstances, the creature had said so himself.

Your lungs felt as though they were burning. You had been holding your breath, you realized. His arm around you—the creature was holding onto you, and you wanted to _die_.

You thought of your mother, of her face. It had been so long since you had seen her. Next of your father. Your thoughts lingered here for longer. Father. _Dad…_ Your toes twitched back and forth. Each breath you took, you held onto it for several seconds before exhaling.

Beside you, the creature remained awake. His breathing failed to return to that level pace. You imagined storybooks you had read as a child, holonovels; all the pictures of the monsters therein. What sort of terrifying creature lived beneath the mask? You had, in your own way, been a monster hunter. The righter of wrong; defending children from the war by slaying those who would drag them into it. These monsters with their cruel weapons. This one had managed to catch you.

 _Once upon a time, when I was a child…_ Stories began like that. _Once upon a time, there was a monster._ Yet people could put down stories, whether they had finished reading them or not. They could escape the monster at any time they wanted or needed to.

 _How do I escape this monster? I can’t escape this._ The tears were scalding, stinging the corners of your eyes and wetting your lashes. _Daddy, I didn’t want this. It hurts…_ The throbbing between your legs. Your torn hymen, the orgasm that had been forced upon you only increasing your discomfort both physically and mentally—emotionally. _It hurts so bad, but if I scream then he wins…_

How **dare** he have labeled your meager attempt to harm him as _affectionate_.

Kylo Ren unwound his arm from you long enough to pull the blanket over your exposed chest and shoulders. You ground your rubber-capped teeth together once more. Now that hot rage was fueling you anew, the tears began to die away. It was repulsive, this creature committing an act as though he truly cared whether or not you were cold. After what he had done to you—!

The throbbing made itself known as a fresh wave of pain shot through your body. It was due to this wave that you realized how _hurt_ and _exhausted_ you were. There would be no battles you could win in this condition. Not even the fight of keeping conscious for much longer.

In the morning, you were returned to the cell, where once more you were shackled with your arms stretched to your sides. Two ‘troopers came in; one held an IV and the other what appeared to be a nutritional shake. It was your choice which method you would receive nutrients. Chagrined, you obediently opened your mouth and allowed them to put the straw through your muzzle. In this way were you fed for the following—you were not certain how many—days.

They shackled you often; sometimes in order to clean the cell, other times to take off the mittens so that your skin could breathe, and also times for the purpose of bathing you via a cloth, soap and tub of water. It sickened you that it was one their duties to shave you as well. You felt _disgusting_ when they did so. Your feet were strapped down so that you could not make any sudden movements that would cause the razor to cut you.

The shakes hardly had enough nutrients for you to be in any condition to fight back. It was only enough to keep you alive. Some of the ‘troopers bathing you took the liberty of fondling and groping you. You bit back the tears and angry cries each time this occurred. What was worse was when one would get bored or upset with your lack of a reaction. The wet cloth was placed over your face, the bathwater poured atop it so that you were gasping for air and coughing up the liquid.

Earlier that morning, you had been bathed once more. This time it had been seen fit to also wash your hair, which had dried since then. Instead of redressing you in the usual, laughable outfit, you had been threatened with another session of water boarding should you refuse to cooperate with pulling on the clothing that had been brought. They needn’t have threatened you; you were only too glad to pull on the black long-sleeve shirt—they offered no bra—and the panties as well as shorts that hardly concealed anything at all. Still, the outfit was much preferable to the old one.

It was when the mittens were alternated with different gloves—ones that allowed you to use your fingers, though still were long enough to prevent you from opening a vein, and ones that you were unable to remove on your own—and the muzzle was kept off that you were suddenly not sure whether you should appreciate the change in attire. Boots were slipped onto your feet. You prodded the rubber coating your teeth with your tongue; this you would be unable to remove on your own. You were led outdoors, where you had to squint despite the fact that it was overcast. You were more accustomed to the darkness and fake lighting.

A shove sent you stumbling forward. Looking over your shoulder, you perceived those who had taken you outside leaving you. A cold feeling crept into your gut; dread. You suddenly _knew_ what was occurring. You were being released for sport.

Still, you had better use of your hands now. You glanced down at those limbs. Your broken finger, though not fully healed, was able to be moved with less pain than previous. That in mind, you took your first hesitant step towards a line of trees. A second step then a third. In no time, you were running, doing what you could to disappear into your surroundings as you crossed the line of trees. All the same, you were searching for something you could use as a weapon against the creature that would be pursuing you.

The first chance you received, you ducked into an area that offered you shading from anyone who might be following you. It was there that you tried to catch your breath. You had not realized exactly how weak you had been kept until that moment; your stamina was almost nonexistent. Reaching to the side, you grabbed a fallen branch. It seemed thick enough to be able to do some damage, though it was not quite the weapon for which you had been hoping.

At the sound of a twig snapping, you tensed before balling yourself more tightly. You shifted your legs slowly so that you would be able to spring out of your hiding place; be it to attack or run. A step closer. Your heart raced in your chest, blood pulsing in your ears while you attempted to keep your breathing level. The very moment a shadow started to fall upon you, you whipped up, quickly twisting in an attempt to strike the creature over the head—one of his gloved hands, however, easily caught the stick. He tore it from your hands, causing a cry to rise from your lips, and chucked it out of reach.

Without saying a word to you, his visor pointed at your face, the creature took a step closer. You scrambled backwards, your wide gaze on Kylo Ren. “A rather rude guest.”

“I…” You paused, your legs feeling as though they were locking up. It took you more than a single second to realize this was the doing of the creature before you. The weight of the Force kept you from running, from moving further away from him; however, the weight was not comparable to previous times he had frozen you. “I’m a _prisoner_. Guest suggests I’m here willingly.”

The weight upon your body increased, and you found yourself pushed to your knees. You glared at the creature from your position on the ground. Kylo Ren chuckled. “You’re so right.” He stepped closer to you, one of his gloved hands resting atop your head. You did not say or do anything; not that you could do anything with the way he had you trapped with the Force. The hand shifted, Kylo Ren caressing your face, drawing a line down to your lips. “You killed twelve officers. No mere foot soldiers. You’ve done more damage than most those in the Resistance—nearly as much as the pilots have accomplished.” Your eyes searched the expressionless mask. You wondered if this was another reason he was punishing you for surviving.

“The First Order will _fall_ ,” you said with much conviction.

Kylo Ren’s hand left your face—only to return, the creature backhanding you. Your head snapped to the side, and blood leaked from your split lip. You ran your tongue over the injury, wincing at the sting the action brought. The leather was placed once more on the side of your face, the creature turning you so that he could peer down into your countenance. “You’ve been deceived…taught lies upon lies… Your general is the greatest liar of all.” At the mention of General Organa, you dropped your eyes from the mask. You recalled full well what had happened when it was first discovered she was the daughter of Darth Vader. What had happened since. That had not lessened the truth to her words, to the cause of the Resistance.

“We will not submit to the tyranny of the First Order.” Amusement from the creature in the form of a chuckle. All that he had done to you, that he had forced you to endure, returned in full force. “You resort to such inhumane actions, vile creature.”

Your captor trailed the very tips of his fingers from the side of your jaw up the corner of your eye. You were forced to blink then squint at this minor irritant. He pushed aside the front of his robe, his hand caressing the front of his pants while the leather-clad limb that was on your face rubbed up and down. You lifted your eyes then dropped them again. The outdoors appeared to make a difference on the effect you had on him; he was hardening at his touch, at touching you. “You’re _disgusting_ ,” you hissed.

Kylo Ren moved his pants aside, withdrawing his half-hard cock from the confines of the material. Your breathing immediately accelerated to the point that you feared you would hyperventilate. With quick flicks of his wrist, he was working himself faster and faster, his cock hardening fully. It was then that he paused. “You can’t stop looking…” Heat spread across your features at his teasing, at the truth to his words. You had never been so close to an aroused man in this fashion—and the sight of his cock did prove that he was a man. Human. His nature was still that of a monster. “Would you like a taste?”

“Gross.” You wrinkled your nose. “You’re gross.” He was playing with some of the skin around the head, pulling it back, pushing it forward again. Teasing himself without making any move that would cause him to ejaculate. Kylo Ren chuckled at your expense, wrapping his hand more firmly around his cock and starting to jerk himself again. “ _Depraved_.”

“Mm. Am I?” You paled; he was getting off on your insults. Trembling, you closed your mouth and swallowed down anything else you had planned to say. “Don’t you remember how good it feels—to cum?” You shuddered at the memory of your orgasm. Then gasped as a sudden pressure rolled against your clit. Blinking past the few tears that formed, you grit your teeth to keep from begging him to stop. He was clearly using the Force in a way most inappropriate. You felt the undulation again, and your eyelids fluttered. His hand traveled back up your face to your hair. He entangled his fingers in your locks and yanked back. Your mouth opened in a scream of pain—and he took advantage of this, shoving himself inside.

You gagged as his cock slid toward the back of your throat. The Force was keeping you in place as well as rocking against your clit. You could feel yourself growing wet, though you wished more than anything that you weren’t. _I don’t want this!_ Kylo Ren placed his hands on the sides of your head and started to fuck your mouth. You whimpered and gagged, feeling his shaft on your tongue. Breathing in the musk of his hair as he buried himself fully into your mouth all the way to the hilt. It was a taste that, while not necessarily unpleasant, was something you had not wanted. Something you did not want. He used his hands to force you to bob your head on his length, and you released groans, gags, and other obscene noises. It was the first time when, had you been able to say anything, you would have begged him to stop.

Kylo Ren pulled out of your mouth, and you gulped in air as he lowered himself onto his knees, his legs on either side of yours. His hands were on the hem of your shorts, tugging down both them and your panties. You sobbed when he pushed you onto your back. His hands seized your thighs, which he kept spread as he shifted so that his cock was against your cunt. Kylo Ren rolled his hips, and the sensation of his erection caressing your sensitive clit had you gasping in both horror and, worse than anything, the stirrings of pleasure.

“I’m just Resistance scum!” you shot out, desperate and with a high-pitched voice. “You said it—you said you had no desire to touch me!”

“Perhaps you should be honored then.” Another roll of his hips, the head of his erection brushing your clit.

Kylo Ren started to line himself up with your entrance. “No!” The head began to push in. “Please, don’t! Please!” The result was instantaneous. He paused, pulling back before crawling up the length of your body. He straddled your chest, his hand on his cock. You sobbed and cried under him as he jerked himself until he came. His semen hit your face in strips, and you squeezed your eyes closed.

What was perhaps worse than the feel of cum on his face was that you had crumbled. He had won this won, had had you begging him. What made it worse was that he _had_ shown a sick sense of mercy by not fucking you. By not vaginally raping you.

No longer were you bound by the Force, and so you turned onto your side and curled into a ball as best you could. The man—what a despicable _man_ , if that he could be called—pulled your clothes back on after he adjusted himself. He then rose and stepped away. You could hear his boots crunching the foliage nearby. You tucked the heel of your hand into your sleeve, wiping at your face and trying to rid yourself of his essence.

After a time, Kylo Ren returned to your side. There he lowered himself onto one knee, drew aside your hair, and caressed, with his knuckles, down the first few inches of your spine. “Don’t! Don’t you dare touch me!” You jerked yourself to the side, however failed to break the contact between your body and his hand.

“Defeated so easily.” You hissed, turning onto your back and lunging for him. Your hands went for his throat, your fingers successfully wrapping around it. Kylo Ren, meanwhile, wound his arm around your waist and pulled you even closer. This had you faltering in your attempt to do him harm. “Ah, so there is fight left in you, little tooke.” He took you into his arms. His grip was tight, indicating that you would not be able to resist him even if you tried. You stared at his throat as he carried you back into the building. When he entered his quarters, he deposited you on the bed and then moved to secure the room so that you could not leave.

It was when these tasks were accomplished that the man walked over to a chair, the back of which was facing you. He lowered himself into the seat, sitting forward. You watched from behind as he reached up, the helmet releasing a light hiss as the latches were released. You glowered at the back of his head, at the darkly colored locks of hair that were revealed. That was all you could see of him, and yet it was a punch in the gut still. A slap in the face; another reminder that another human—that a sentient being in general—was doing these things to you.

Kylo Ren leaned back in his chair, reclining with his arms on the armrests. You remained on the bed, your knees drawn up towards your chest and your arms wrapped around your legs. A knock on the door was the only thing that caused you to startle. Kylo Ren raised a hand as he rose from the chair, and you found yourself pinned where you were. You eyed the mattress with a deep frown. Your captor walked to the door, opening it, and then closing it once more. You could smell the food instantly. It wasn’t anything like what you had been being fed. It was real food. Your mouth watered at the scent, and you cursed the man for having you there.

Rather than return to the chair as you had believed he would, Kylo Ren sat on the bed beside you. You eyed the plate of food that he set in front of himself then allowed your gaze to travel, slowly, up his body to his face. You froze, feeling colder than ever. He had been correct in his words; _you_ were suddenly more afraid now that he did not have his mask. He was, in a way, attractive—but that wasn’t what struck you. It was how _young_ he was, how _innocent_ he looked despite his scowl. _This_ was the monster that caused so many deaths. And he did not look the part. You dropped your gaze to your feet.

In your peripheral, you watched as he lifted a bite to his lips. There was a juicy sort of slurp from him, which caused your stomach to grumble and your mouth to further salivate. He reached for another bite, and you stared at the morsel he lifted with want. Jealousy gripped at you when he took the third bite. The pressure of the Force had not left you, otherwise you would have made an attempt to grab some of the food for yourself. Kylo Ren licked the tip of his thumb then pinched another bite. This time it was some of the meat. He sucked the juices off of the piece before pushing the food into his mouth. You felt like crying, but you refused to break down again. You would _not_ beg him a second time.

You watched him grabbing another bite of the meat; this piece looked even juicier than the last. Thus, when he set it near your lips and traced around them before putting the bite into his mouth, you could not help but flick out your tongue to taste the wetness that had been left behind. Your bottom lip quivered. It had been a delicious taste, but that was all he seemed willing to give. Kylo Ren consumed another five bites of food before reaching to the side to seize his wine, which he sipped.

“You’re deplorable.”

He released a noise of thought. Kylo Ren considered you as he ate several bites more. “Perhaps, if you’re good, I will let you lick the plate.” You sneered, your lips curling so that your rubber-coated teeth were bared. This did nothing other than cause him amusement. He ate the remainder of his food without giving you a single bite. Your stomach protested loudly, and you hated it for that. Tracing a lone finger around the rim of the dish, your captor stared at you. Your eyes, meanwhile, were glued on the plate. There was a lot of juice left from the food he had eaten. You licked your lips at the thought of it, not even realizing what you were doing.

Kylo Ren dipped two fingers into the juices, dragging them across the plate so that they were coated, and then placed those two digits in front of your mouth. You wrinkled your nose, pulling your lips into your mouth and pressing down on them with your teeth. After waiting several more seconds, he slipped his fingers into his own mouth then rose, taking the plate with him. You squeezed your eyes shut, a sob wracking your frame as the man set the plate outside the door and once more sealed the room.

As you cried, Kylo Ren lifted the napkin that he had not taken out with the plate. This he wet with his tongue before scrubbing along your face. Your body was handed over to your control only when he had cleaned off the dried semen and discarded the napkin. You wiped at your face, hating the sensation of his spit that remained, hating that you wished you could go back a few minutes in time and lick his fingers. While you were wrapped up in these musings, the man retrieved a book from one of the drawers of his dresser. This he tossed onto the bed beside you prior to moving back to the chair. He sat down, quite as ever.

Your eyes darted to the volume, finding that it was one of the various handbooks of the First Order. You nudged it aside then glared at the back of the man’s head. He ignored you. You sat there watching him for several seconds before realizing he was meditating.

Tentatively, you rose from the bed. Your feet touched the cool ground, and you hesitated, merely standing there quietly. Then, rethinking your strategy, you half-knelt on the bed so that you could reach the book. This you picked up before quietly making your way to the man. You stood behind him, staring at the back of his head. You started to raise the book, angling it so that the spine could do at least _some_ damage when you— “Desperate, are we, tooke?” You faltered, the volume slipping from your grasp and falling with a _thud_ onto the floor. He waved a hand. “Educate yourself.”

“With these _lies_? I think not.”

“Then sit quietly on the bed. Unless you prefer the shackles and muzzle.” You reluctantly obeyed, walking back to the aforementioned furniture and climbing onto it. The entire time he meditated, you kept your eyes on him. Watching him, thinking of ways to kill him. Imagining him dying.

Your thoughts wandered once more to your family, to your childhood. You missed it, a sort of longing you doubted you had ever experienced before. _Let me go where monsters aren’t real._ The mocking way he had caressed you before and after he had forced himself into your mouth was a memory that _burned_ you to your core. It was as though he had been debating with himself—how deeply could he objectify you? He had managed to do it so well, had been able to commit himself to the task.

It was only when he rose that your thoughts returned to the present. “Are you hungry, little tooke?” You averted your eyes at the term he had adopted for you, at his taunting. Kylo Ren walked to the end of the bed, set his hands upon the mattress, and crawled up to you. You could not help but realize how much more like a predator he seemed.

He moved upwards until his mouth was level with your ear. You could feel his breath there, could smell it—could almost taste the meal he had eaten in front of you. You swallowed hard at the saliva that started to gather in your mouth. He lifted a hand, setting three fingers against your lips. You turned your head away, not allowing him to press those digits inside. Undeterred, Kylo Ren moved his hand down to your hip.

“How do you taste, little tooke?” Your eyes whipped to his face, which held an expression of mild curiosity. “Do you believe you’ll poison me if I taste you? Is your flesh toxic?” Your heart was racing in your chest again. It stuttered when the man leaned closer, flicking his tongue out, tracing the very tip along your cheek. “Perhaps a better taste…perhaps it’s only if I _eat_ you?” As he spoke, he drew down the clothes that were covering your lower anatomy. You fumbled to catch the clothing, however he simply ripped the articles out of your grasp. He spoke in a passive voice: “Spread your legs, little tooke”—and your mind knew nothing other than to obey.

Kylo Ren moved between your legs, hooking those limbs over his shoulders as he pressed his face close to your cunt. His hot breath caused your lips to part. Your eyebrows drew upwards then knit—why the _hell_ had you obeyed him? His tongue flicking out against you caused all thought to fall away. Panic started to set in when your body responded. Kylo Ren nudged your clit with the tip of his tongue. He shifted, enveloping your cunt with his mouth. You whimpered, growling in frustration and setting the heels of your hands against his head, trying to push him away. The man did not budge, kissing at you.

He trailed his tongue between your lips, waggling it, flicking it in and out of his mouth fast; teasing you in a manner that had you panting. You squirmed underneath him, swearing and moving to strike him. His hand shot up, catching your wrist. Kylo Ren pulled your hand down further, nipping at the glove that was covering your flesh.

“I’m… You said I’m just Resistance scum!” you cried out when he thrust his tongue into your entrance.

He pulled back with a groan, smirking at you, his eyes dancing with amusement. “The First Order will _devour_ the Resistance.” And again his face was buried in your cunt, the man starting to tongue-fuck you in earnest. You could feel yourself growing slick, and you snarled and cursed. When you realized that you were starting to rock your hips, you forced yourself to stop. You bunched up the blankets underneath your hands; by the third time Kylo Ren had caught your wrist when you attempted to strike him, you had recognized your actions as futile.

_I want to **die**!_

He flattened his tongue against you, swiping it up ever slowly then nibbling your clit. His hands were cupping your ass, his thumbs keeping your lips spread apart so that he had easier access to you. He was groaning as you continued to grow more and more aroused, as you grew closer to orgasm. The noises, to your ears, were so _obscene_ , and yet they were making your pussy all the wetter for him. Your toes curled, and your legs were trembling. Once more, you were bucking up into him, trying to get his tongue to delve further into you as your vaginal walls spasmed. You failed to suppress the moan as you came. Kylo Ren also moaned, greedily swallowing over and over again. When he unhooked your legs from himself, you found that his face was slick with your juices. You jerked your legs towards the rest of your body, turning so as to block yourself from his view. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his smirk returning.

He rose from the bed, and you found you could not stop shaking. Your eyes went everywhere he did. When he moved to the door, you tensed up further. Then felt as though your mind was in a fog; a new tray of food—identical to what he had eaten, though of a smaller portion—had been brought. This he set in front of you while taking a seat next to you. He trailed a hand through your hair. You sat there, completely still, unsure what to do.

“You won’t be touched by them again, tooke.” It took you several seconds to realize he was referring to the fondling and groping you had received from the stormtroopers the last—how many days had it been? You furrowed your brow and tried to count it out. Beside you, Kylo Ren chuckled. “You don’t know how much time has passed, do you?” Your gaze darted to his face. “Eleven days since you were last here.”

What had changed in those eleven days, you wondered, to make him _want_ to touch you? If he knew about the fact that you had been responsible for the deaths of twelve officers, he had undoubtedly done research on you. Your skills as a fighter appeared to encourage his desire to force you to submit—so much so that it now elicited a sexual response from him.

Though your stomach growled, though the food smelled delicious and made your mouth water—the price of it had been him touching you. Had been him placing you in a submissive position. You turned away from it. “I’m not hungry.” He picked up one of the bites, rolling it around and staring at it speculatively.

“You won’t be given a second chance.”

Your eyes went back to the plate of food. It would hold more nutrients than one of those blasted shakes. Would possibly give you more energy with which to fight the man seated beside you. You swallowed down your pride, reached for a piece of meat, and took the first bite.

His eyes did not leave your face, which was terrifying—largely because his eyes, there was something almost _sympathetic_ in his eyes. Yet also something quite hungry; the creature that had tasted you lying there in wait. Your body had responded once more to him, to actions you did not desire. You nearly choked on the bite of food in your mouth, however forced away the thoughts and memories that were prompting such a reaction from you. You could not allow yourself to become too weak, could not let this creature win.

You reached down onto the plate, pinched a piece of meat between two fingers, and set it on your tongue. It fell apart easily. The juices from it were already slipping down your throat. The creature let his gaze travel to your mouth then back up to your eyes. He was observing you as one would an animal. Waiting to see what you would do next.

 _Please, look away._ He did not. He _would_ not. The same way you could not either. You were enemies; he was attempting to break you, and you were searching for a crack in his shield, a crack that could lead to you being able to _kill_ him.

_Fairytale lands, they fade away,  
When the real monsters come out to play;  
So let us hide, and together stay,  
Or else it shall be us the monsters slay._


	4. FOUR

** Three Blind Tooke   
_Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Four: Compassion is a Foreign Taste

_Who said life was going to be easy?  
My child, that is simply a lie.  
For to live will be the hardest thing ever,  
And the simplest is to die._

You were reluctantly obedient as the plate was taken away from you, as the man returned to his chair and fell into a state of meditation. You had pulled your clothes back on, tiptoed over to where the book remained on the floor, and brought it back onto the bed with you. Skimming through the pages, you tried to appear as though you were reading when in reality you were scanning through the room. There were no weapons available to you. The only thing was—the ashes. You swallowed hard at the thought of using them. Yet it was so poetic. He burned his enemies—and you would make him suffocate on their remains.

 _I slay monsters,_ you reminded yourself. You could not help but think of a story your father used to tell you at night before bed. It was when he had learned of the tale traveling amongst the children, the story of the monster under the bed.

_“Why do you think monsters are real?” he had asked you, patient as ever. You had then responded to him a small voice. You told your father how you could feel the creature’s breath. That it came so close to snatching you each night. “If monsters are real, so then are those who slay them.”_

_“Are you a monster slayer?” you inquired. Your father had smiled patiently at you._

_Once upon a time, he said to you, there were no monsters. Nor were there any heroes. People of all species simply were. Then one discovered power—“The Force?” you asked, interrupting him; your father nodded, though he continued to speak all the while—and more coveted what they could not have. Power was never meant to corrupt, my child; yet those who wielded it unknowingly drew fear and jealousy into the hearts of others. The power could be used for the greater good, or for great evil._

_Another grew to learn the power, to be able to wield it. He manipulated those who were jealous of him, convincing them that he would be their servant if only they performed tasks that could make him stronger. One such task was eliminating the first to know the power._

_How blindly people obey when they are afraid, when they are jealous—when they do not understand something. You are correct, my child, that there are monsters. But those who wear the guise of a friend are the most terrifying creature of all._

It was this exact reason that the unmasked Kylo Ren terrified you so.

_Those who slay monsters do so at a great cost. One that can never fully be understood by those they protect. You must lose a piece of yourself to take a life. While you are saving countless others, you are still the one to have that choice—do you chance mercy, or do you give into the fear of the creature? You blacken your heart for the greater good. There is very little black and white in the profession of slaying monsters. It is gray and ugly. It is not beautiful, it is far from glorious._

_Those who slay monsters choose to be ugly, and in this they are the most beautiful. They live in pain, my child—a pain that cannot be fully seen. They bear it all on their shoulders, the weight of the world. And when at last their time comes, it is then that we see their true beauty—the expression of pure rapture as their burden is removed._

_“Dying isn’t pretty!” you had shrieked._

_Your father smiled fondly at you. “That is precisely the point, my dear. Dying is not pretty, and neither is killing. It is ugly. Monsters kill, and so we think them ugly. Monster slayers also kill—and that is why they sometimes find their own death to be such a mercy, so beautiful. Because that means they no longer have to observe that ugliness, no longer commit it.” You had then curled up further against your father as you sat in his lap. Your mind tried to comprehend all that he had said._

_“You’re not ugly, daddy.” A soft sigh from him. What was he to say? To deny being a monster slayer would likely cause your childish fears to return. And so he merely wrapped his arms around you, holding onto you with the knowledge that, one day, the weight of his words would truly become something you bore._

It was agonizing, waiting for night to arrive. You were taken to the refresher a handful of times so that you could relieve yourself. Otherwise you remained on the bed, your eyes darting from the canister of ashes to the book and back. Every so often you would stare at your captor. He not once looked your way. When he did climb into bed, you acted the part of being exhausted and covered yourself with his blankets. You laid with your back to him, much as you had the previous time he had brought you to his quarters. This time, however, he did not endeavor to touch you, to run a hand along your spine. He merely laid there quietly until you could hear his breath coming out more evenly. You slowly turned onto your opposite side, and found yourself staring at his face as he slept. Never would anyone suspect that that face belonged to a monster.

_Not all monsters are ugly, dad…and that’s terrifying._

You pushed your legs behind yourself, shifting out of bed with no haste so that you did not waken him. You rose onto your toes, making quiet work of crossing the room. You arrived at the canister then paused. Listening, you ensured that he had not stirred. You then slipped your hand into the ashes. It was, for you, a horrifying experience. These were your comrades. Not even properly buried or burned— _collected_ for Kylo Ren’s amusement. Well, you thought, let that be the death of him. You curled your fingers around a generous handful of the ashes, turned, and tiptoed back to the bed.

You climbed onto it just as slowly as you had left it. The man did not stir. Licking your lips, you peered down at his face. His mouth was not open, which you had hoped it would be. You glanced at his nose. That alone wouldn’t do. Seizing your bottom lip with your teeth, you edged even closer to his slumbering form. You parted your teeth so that you could purse your lips. A light stream of air escaped you, washing over his mouth. In his sleep, Kylo Ren’s lips parted from one another. You immediately placed your hand over his mouth, sprinkling in some of the ashes before flattening your palm against both his mouth and nose.

With a cough, the man’s eyes shot open. He sat up in bed, his hand flying out, and you found yourself thrown across the room. You hit the opposite wall with a thud, the impact knocking the wind out of you. Kylo Ren hooked his fingers, and you gasped out in pain. All the while he coughed, choking up the ashes that had managed to slide down his throat.

With a snarl, he rose from the bed and flexed his fingers. Your body was dragged by the will of the Force to him, his outstretched hand encircling your throat. He squeezed, eliciting a whimper from you. Kylo Ren walked, you in his grasp, to the canister of ashes. It was there that he relinquished his hold on your throat in favor of seizing the back of your neck—in this manner he shoved your face into the collection of ashes. He held you down there. Ashes entered your lungs with every breath, through your nose and your mouth alike. You wheezed, feeling as though you were going to suffocate. Your lungs were starting to burn, your eyes watering in pain. The ashes clung to your flesh and lips.

Being thrown to the ground was a small mercy, one that was not long lived. His foot collided with your stomach. You bunched up, crying and yelling in pain. He did not strike you in such a way again; instead, the man stepped over you partway, lowering himself so that he was kneeling above you directly over your chest. One of his hands found your face, your jaw. He squeezed so hard you heard a pop, which prompted you to quickly open your mouth before it was dislocated. Kylo Ren shoved three of his fingers inside, all the way to your throat. You gagged around the digits, which seemed to only encourage his behavior. He pressed even further, far enough and for long enough until you felt your stomach churn. As he withdrew his hand, you were turning onto your side again in order to vomit. Everything you had eaten that was not fully digested came up. You sobbed, vomit and spittle hanging from your mouth.

“How foolish,” he said passively, his voice hoarse. “The Resistance and its false ideals.”

The words wrapped around you like a vice. _To truly break someone, your father had said when you were older, you need only attack their beliefs, their culture and religion. They will then destroy themselves by attempting to defend it. People feed on desperation, on prolonging it. A man will cry out for the sake of justice, and what shall meet him in return is the laughter and coos of his enemy._

How you longed to scream at him despite this. It would give him such pleasure—yet how could you not defend everything you stood for? This man perverting it. Demonizing it.

_He’s taken my body. I can’t let him have my mind._

Your silence was not in submission to the man. You simply needed to delay your next attack, lest he defeat you entirely.

In little time, two stormtroopers entered Kylo Ren’s quarters. They seized you and dragged you away, back to the wretched cell. You were sprayed with a hose of sorts, rinsed in this manner, and then redressed in your old attire. Once more did you have to endure the mittens and muzzle. You lowered yourself onto the table-like bed and sat there. Waiting.

You guesstimated that three days elapsed; during which you received, each day, two of the shakes to keep you alive, and were bathed with a cloth one other time. It was on the fourth day that Kylo Ren entered your cell. He said nothing to you. He merely stood there, watching you for several minutes before leaving. The following day you awoke from a small nap to find him squatting in the center of the cell. Once more he was observing you, his head tilted to the side. He rose upon seeing you were awake, and you were left alone in the cell. Four more days he came to you without saying a word. And then you did not see him again.

You sat there, blinking and wondering exactly how you felt about the fact that you were anticipating his coming. It was not something you necessarily desired, however it did prove to be, well, expected. Thus when he did not arrive for two more days, you feared that you had thrown away your chance to kill him. You would rot in this cell, of no help to the Resistance; no chance of escaping his clutches. And he did not even have the decency to kill you quickly. Oh, you tried to find ways to harm yours. You bashed your head against a wall, blood trickling down your forehead when the stormtroopers entered and pulled you away. You were now chained by your ankle to a small stake that had been plunged into the center of the room. Your makeshift toilet had been brought closer. When it came to sleeping, you had to endure the ground.

Trying to bash your face in on the ground had resulted in you being given a sedative. You had slept for a long while, and when you finally blinked your eyes open, you knit your brow. The ceiling was different. That was the first thing you noticed. The second was that your ankle was freed from the chain—there was no chain, you realized. You looked up from your leg, your eyes focusing in the dark. Someone was watching you; sitting upon a chair and watching you.

His helmet was on; it had been every time he visited you. As though you were no longer permitted to see his face after attacking him in such a manner. No robes, you noted, your eyes sweeping along his frame. You slipped up onto your elbows while you laid there on the ground. Kylo Ren straightened his posture.

If your math was correct, it had been thirteen days since you had last been in his quarters. You had been away from the Resistance, had been a prisoner, for over twenty days. Just shy of a month. You knew you would be considered dead by those at the various bases. Your allies had likely mourned your death similar to the way they mourned the others. You were not dead, however. Not in the sense they believed. Oh, little pieces of you died each day you were forced to live. And the man across from you seemed to always be watching as you faced those deaths. You lowered yourself back into a recumbent position.

“Little tooke.”

“Creature,” you said in return.

There was a pause, a moment of silence as, perhaps, he considered what you had called him. Then Kylo Ren moved his hand, and you found yourself forced up onto your knees then your feet. “You will walk to me.” You obeyed, unable to fight the influence of the Force, especially in your weakened state. Kylo Ren made another gesture, and the shackles fell off your wrists. They clattered to the ground noisily, the chain along with them. He seized the mittens, removing them, and then sat back. “Why do you still fight, little tooke?”

“I slay monsters,” you whispered, the words slipping off your tongue though your mind was not yet fully your own. Kylo Ren’s shoulders rose and fell as he breathed and stared at you. He repeated the term _monsters_ as though trying it out. “You wear a mask so that you won’t even have to see yourself. The ugliness.”

“Ugly? And what of you, tooke?”

You thought of your father’s words. You were not dead yet, and thus there was only one thing you _could_ be. “I am ugly too.”

Kylo Ren’s power washed over you in a stronger wave. You were frozen in place, unsure what to do. That was of little importance, however, when his index finger twitched. “Strip for me.”

Your hands went to the top of the meager cloth that was intended to be a dress. You slid it down the length of your body, shimmying out of it before clasping onto your panties on either side. These, too, you slipped out of.

“Get on your knees and pleasure me.”

Again your mind could not fight the command; it seemed only logical, everything he said. Why should you argue? There was no reason to. You lowered yourself onto your knees, moving between his legs, which had parted for you. While you freed his cock from his pants, Kylo Ren reached behind you and undid the muzzle. This he dropped to the ground. Relaxing against the back of the chair, he sighed as you wrapped one of your hands around his cock and lowered your mouth onto him. You laved him with your tongue, bobbing your head. Kylo Ren had his visor pointed in your direction, watching you as you cupped his sac with your other hand. You ran your thumb along his testicles, fondling them while pumping his shaft with your hand and teasing the head of his erection with your mouth. You swirled your tongue along his slit, sealed your lips around him again, and then once more engulfed him.

He moved your hair so that it was draped over one of your shoulders. “More.” You took even more of him into your mouth. Kylo Ren bucked up into your mouth, his cock brushing near your throat. Even under his control, you gagged. Drawing back, you moved more slowly this time, working your way up to where you were able to deepthroat him. His head lolled back, and his hands found the sides of your head. Kylo Ren bucked up off the chair, his hips in the air as he fucked your mouth.

After a few more thrusts, he seized you by your hair and pulled your mouth off his cock. “Climb onto my lap and fuck yourself on my cock.” He sat back with his ass once more touching the chair. You crawled up his body, your eyes—glossed over while you were under his control—on his mask the entire time. You set your knees on either side of his hips, grabbing his cock and positioning it at your entrance. His breath hitched, his hands on your waist as you lowered yourself onto him. “You’re so tight,” he groaned out. The muscles in his legs tensed, as though it was with great effort that he restrained himself from fucking you with abandon.

Setting your hands on his shoulders, you used your legs to raise yourself so that he started to slip out of you. You lowered yourself again, rolling your hips. Kylo Ren swore, his grip tightening. Your mouth remained partway open, your breath coming out in pants as you rode him. Kylo Ren began meeting you, thrusting with moves that made it to where his flesh—his shirt having ridden partway up his body to expose a portion of his abdomen—brushed your clit with every roll. You were wet around him, his cock slipping in and out of you easily.

“Moan my name.”

“Mm…K-Kylo Ren,” you moaned out, bouncing even faster. He grazed his thumb against your clit, the seam of his glove teasing you. With his other hand, he pawed at his side, managing to grab hold of his lightsaber on the second try. He held this out between the two of you.

“Suck on this while you continue to ride me.”

Both of your hands wrapped around the hilt, which was turned upside down. You lifted it further upwards while lowering your head. Your lips sealed around the metal, and you began bobbing your head in time with the movements of your hips. Kylo Ren relinquished his hold on the weapon in favor of groping your chest. He palmed your left breast, squeezed it, and tugged at your nipple in a way that had you moaning around his lightsaber. His thumb worked faster against your clit, and all too soon you were cumming, your vaginal walls pulsing around him and pulling his orgasm from him as well. He openly groaned as he came, fucking up into you until he was fully softened.

Without withdrawing from you, he took his lightsaber out of your grasp and replaced it on his hip before returning to you control over yourself. Your eyes widened and you started trembling. His hands were on your hips, keeping you against him. “You seemed to enjoy yourself, little tooke.” You moved to slap him, your hand weakly hitting the metal helmet he wore. It did _you_ more damage than him; your hand stung, and he hardly seemed fazed. He lifted you off of him, setting you on the ground and rising while tucking his cock away. “Such a pretty sight.”

Your legs were wobbly, and you found yourself collapsing forward. You seized one of the arms to the chair to keep from falling completely. “How…how could you?” You felt as though your chest were constricting. You lowered yourself onto your knees, resting your forehead against the edge of the armchair. “How could you make me do something like that? You’re _disgusting_! You _monster_!”

“The first officer you shot; Colonel Riggards. Aged forty-three. Widowed with two children…orphans now, tooke. You orphaned two children with a single death. There are still eleven others.”

“You’re one to talk… You’ve left _countless_ orphans in the wake of your actions.”

“Hmm—are you going to be obedient, or shall I send you back to your cell for them to spray you there?” He was clearly bored with the previous topic and had no interest in your input on it. The new topic caught you off guard initially, however you eyed him warily as you understood he was intending to clean you. “Should you attack me, I will break three of your fingers.”

You grit your teeth, pushed yourself back onto your feet, and took a cautious step in his direction. Kylo Ren turned, walking towards the refresher. You followed him, catching your reflection in the mirror when the light was turned on. You had lost weight. This you had already suspected when the stormtroopers had had to replace your previous outfit with a new, albeit smaller, one of the same design. You crossed your arms over your chest. Your eyes followed him when he walked to the toilet, of which he lifted the lid. The man gestured towards it then moved to the shower, adjusting it to the settings he preferred.

It unnerved you that he was aware of your need to urinate. All the same, you had no intention of pissing yourself when there was a toilet right there. Either way he would see you pee, you reasoned. Thus you sat down, used the toilet, and then wiped yourself. By this time, Kylo Ren had proceeded to strip out of his clothing, his helmet and garments set on the counter. It sickened you that he was apparently going to be in the shower with you.

“Get in.” You were nearly taken aback that you did not immediately obey him. So, you thought, you had control over your own body right then. You stepped into the shower, feeling the spray hit you. After being hosed down or else bathed with a simple cloth, the sensation was amazing. You closed your eyes, doing what you could to ignore the fact that Kylo Ren had stepped into the shower behind you and closed the door.

He touched your forehead, over the spot where there was still a slight egg from when you had attempted to crack your skull open. You winced at his touch, thankful when he lowered his arm and his hand returned to his side, out of your sight. From what you had seen of his physique, you knew he was well toned. And the sight of yourself—he could easily take you down even without having to use the Force.

The next time you felt him touching you, it was through a washcloth, which he had soaped up. He ran the cloth along your back, scrubbing you. Your teeth chattered, the rubber coating them causing the sound to be much different than in the past. He washed your back—his touch lingered near the scar that was developing from the exit wound of the lightsaber—your arms, your neck. You stood there, pretending you were anywhere else. His hand moved to your front, where he proceeded to clean your chest, your stomach, and next your legs. As he stood from washing your feet, he cupped your pussy. You clenched your hands into fists, however did not move to strike him—his threat repeated itself in your mind, a reminder to not attempt to hit him right then. It was with a great sense of bitterness that you did not protest as he washed your ass and pussy. He gathered soap into his hands, smoothing the facial wash over your countenance then allowing it to rinse away.

Kylo Ren grabbed the shampoo and conditioner. His fingers in your hair, massaging your scalp, left you with a strange feeling. It was not only disgust, but also a sort of tingling that had you questioning whether or not this moment was real. Perhaps you were imagining it, having a nightmare. But you did not wake up—you were already awake, you told yourself.

When he was finished washing you, the man proceeded to do the same to himself. Upon finishing this, he moved so that the spray was against his back, his body facing yours. You kept your eyes on the sidewall, staring at a random spot while enduring his stare. “Do I need to return you to your cell, or will you be good tonight?” You did not know how to respond. This man had just forced you to have sex with him—a large part of you wanted to get away from him. Yet the thought of a bed again…

“You should lock me up,” you said, knowing full well you would not be able to resist the urge to do him harm if you received the chance. “I slay monsters like you. That is my job.”

He shut off the water without responding to you. After wrapping a towel around his waste, he handed you one with which to dry yourself. You started to do so slowly, relishing these last few moments of false freedom. He exited the refresher before you were done.

Hearing what sounded to be the clinking of a chain, you left the bathroom as well. You paused in the doorway to his room, your heart sinking. Kylo Ren, dressed in a pair of pants, had started to wrap the chain around a part of his headboard, lessening the amount of slack that would be there. He was not returning you to your cell as you had hoped; he was instead locking you up in a different manner. “You will dress in my shirt then sit on the bed while I chain you.” You walked over to where he had lain out one of the aforementioned articles of clothing. It hung past your hips when you put it on, hardly covering you. You climbed onto the bed, offering him your hands. Kylo Ren secured the mittens onto you, the chain giving you only a few inches to move while your arms remained above your head.

As you regained control over yourself, you eyed the man, who had retrieved the muzzle from the ground. This he stared at for a number of seconds before turning to you. You were seated on the pillow, your legs curled off to the side, and your head resting against the wall that was directly above the headboard. He carried the muzzle with him as he came to the bed, where he sat beside you. Not long thereafter, a droid entered the room. It had with it a covered tray, a flute of wine, and a glass of water. You could smell the food, which caused your stomach to growl. After setting the tray of food on the bed in front of Kylo Ren, the droid left. There was no need to punch in a code; you were stuck where you were.

Kylo Ren lifted the lid from the tray. The dish looked expensive. Delicious. He picked up his fork, stabbed one of the vegetables and then, surprising you, he set it against your lips. You parted your lips, allowing him to slide the food into your mouth. He withdrew the fork while you chewed, stabbed another bite, and this one he took into his own mouth. The meat was something tougher, of a consistency that you would not be able to chew given the seal over your teeth. You eyed him enviously when he took a piece into his mouth and started to chew on it. Yet he did not swallow. Instead, Kylo Ren slipped two fingers into his mouth, pinched the meat, and dipped it into the sauce. He set the chewed up bite near your lips, watching you and waiting.

It was a blow to your pride, however you opened your mouth all the same to receive the bite. Your body was starved for nutrients. The meat was delicious, juicy and flavorful. You found yourself eyeing Kylo Ren greedily each time he took a bite. Some he chewed for the purpose of feeding you, while others he swallowed for himself. On these latter occasions, your eyes would begin to narrow in jealousy. The vegetables you were able to chew on your own whenever he gave you a bite. Kylo Ren took a sip of his wine before setting the rim of the water glass at your lips. You opened your mouth and drank when he tilted the cup so that some water poured into your mouth.

The two of you ate without a word to one another. When the plate was emptied and the two drinks fully drained, the droid returned and took the dishes away. Once the door was closed, your captor raked his eyes along your body. “You’re too thin.” He tugged at the collar of the shirt you wore then touched along your collarbone, which was too visible for your liking. “Would you like regular meals?” Your eyes ran along his face—what was he getting at? His lips twitched into a smirk. “Open your legs for me, and I will ensure you are fed meals like what you received tonight.”

You stared at him. “W…what?” He ran his tongue along his lips, and that was all you needed to know what his intentions were. “N-no.”

“You sound unsure.” You had, in fact, phrased that single word quite like a question. If you allowed him to have his fill, you would be fed—and if you were fed, you would have the strength to later resist him. You squeezed your eyes closed, unable to look at him, as you moved your shaky legs to the side, spreading them. “Mm.” He was moving, you could hear him, could feel the mattress shifting as Kylo Ren climbed between your legs. He lifted the shirt up out of his way and buried himself in you.

You turned your head so that you were able to bury your face against your chained arms as his tongue plunged into you. His tongue was long—you had nearly forgotten about its length until it was in you again, fucking you. You bit down on your arm, unable to do damage to yourself, in order to keep from making a noise.

“Look at me,” he said. You shook your head, not opening your eyes and not turning to him. “Do as I say or the deal is negated.” You glared at him. “Do you like this?” He ran the underside of his tongue from your clit to your perineum. You squirmed. “Do you, tooke?” Nostrils flaring, you wished you were allowed to look away from him. “Tell me.” He pursed his lips, blowing against you. You jumped at the sensation.

“I… I don’t like any—“

“I can look into your mind if I think you are lying, little tooke.” You swore multiple times in your head, outwardly giving a small nod and hating yourself for it. He repeated the action then did it in reverse, the top of his tongue running from your perineum to your clit. He sealed his lips around the small nub, sucking at you. When he drew back, he asked, “And that?” You gave another nod. “I want to hear you say it.”

“Tsch… Y-yes.” Kylo Ren turned his face, nuzzling your inner thigh then dragging his teeth along your flesh. He looked up at you. “I don’t…know.” He repeated the action, and you jumped at the contact. “Don’t.” He hummed before placing a kiss on top of your pussy, trailing back down to your entrance. He moved one of his hands, slipping a finger into you. Your leg twitched at the contact, bringing his gaze back to your face. “Can you just…just finish?”

“Should I add another finger?” Your heart stuttered, and you shook your head in the negative. Kylo Ren returned his stare to your lower lips. “You’re soft.” It had slipped your mind that all other times he had touched you, he had been wearing his gloves. It explained why his touches felt different to you. You started to turn away, remembered his words, and looked back down at him. He had begun moving his finger in and out of you. He withdrew his hand from you, climbed up your body, and slipped his thumb into your mouth. “Suck.” You obeyed, sucking for a few seconds until his pulled the digit out and moved back down your body. He slipped his finger into your again, using his saliva-slick thumb to rub against your clit.

“N…nnn…” He paused, his eyes wandering up to your face. You could feel your cheeks were hot, knew you were flushed as your arousal began to build. Kylo Ren moved his thumb once more, this time faster. Your mouth fell open, heavy breaths leaving you. Your toes twitched then curled. “F…ff…u…c…k.” He had started to lap at you, his eyes not leaving your face as he fucked you with his finger, teased your clit, and licked you. “St-stop!”

“You don’t want to cum?” He licked his lips immediately after asking the question, and you shuddered, trembling while staring down at him through your tears. “Fine.” This time when he climbed up your body, he slid his pants down, lined himself up with you, and thrust inside. His face was level with yours as he started to fuck you. This was perhaps worse; your already-stimulated clit brushed against his flesh with every thrust. Your legs shook, thighs pressed towards one another, digging into his hips. “You feel good.”

_On one of your earlier missions, the weapon of your partner had backfired, blowing off half his face. You had been forced to shoot him with your own weapon to quicken his death, to be merciful._

He set his lips against your cheek. Not kissing you, merely resting his mouth there. His eyelashes fluttered against your flesh. “Tooke.” His hips had stilled, but you could still feel his hardened member inside you. Gritting your teeth, you turned your head to meet his gaze. “It’ll hurt if you aren’t aroused.” You looked up towards the headboard with your eyes alone. Swallowing, you waited. Kylo Ren began moving again, and this time you did not retreat into your more horrific memories to stop your body from responding to his touches. He came inside you before rolling onto his back. He fixed his pants, meanwhile you were left with the bottom half of your body bared.

“I hate you.” You had whispered the words, but made certain they were loud enough so that he could hear them. You could feel his cum slipping out of your body. It was _repulsive_ and left you feeling sullied all over again. Perhaps that was exactly _why_ he ejaculated inside of you. “Did you hear me…Creature?” You looked over at him, your breath hitching when you found that he was watching you. His expression was unreadable. “I hate you,” you tried again.

“Did you think killing me would be easy?” Confusion crossed your features. “A simple shot… Saying that I was your target—it was a death sentence, and you readily took it.”

“Just because something is unlikely doesn’t mean it isn’t worth trying.”

“There you go—speaking of hope. Do you still hold hope that you will one day be freed? That you will escape?” His eyes dropped from yours to your lips. “You do… You think about it, how you will inform the Resistance of anything you may learn. Such childish thoughts. Foolish. Careless. You have no means of escape—you don’t even know where you are. You’re not a pilot.

“No, you’re simply a rookie who happens to be a decent shot. And so the Resistance decided to send you my way. They practically gift wrapped you for me. I’m only too happy to indulge.” You were again trembling, this time in anger. “You still refuse to accept that you’ve lost.”

“As long as I’m alive, I’ll never stop fighting.”

“To everyone you know, you’re already dead.” Tears spilled down your cheeks. “They’re moving on from your small, meaningless existence.”

“D-d-damn you!”

“Such an obstinate creature.” He lifted a hand, using the back of it to brush your side. “You fear to be touched so deeply, in more ways than one. You fear compassion. You fear empathy.”

“You’re incapable of those feelings, what do you care?” you snarled.

“I have no compassion for enemies of the First Order, this is true,” he stated passively. “But I know them. Compassion and empathy. Useless sentiment.”

“So instead you just rape me. You get off on torturing me. You’re worse than an animal.”

“Do you think I should feel for you?” he asked with an amused grin. “I respect your tenacity…but I will crush you. The Resistance _will_ bow to the First Order.”

“I will _never_ bow to you.”

“Simply let me _fuck_ you for food?” He chuckled breathily, and you recoiled at his words. To cry out in despair while protesting his statements would leave you feeling only foolish. There could be no victory. “You have already begun to submit to me, little tooke. In time, you’ll see.”

“My body means nothing to me,” you whispered, though in some ways you wished this was far truer than it actually was. This time Kylo Ren did not laugh at you. “You think you can use it to break me, don’t you? Even when you force me to be under your control—I’m never truly under your control. Or else you could take the information you wanted…whatever it is.”

“You want to give up and die, tooke,” he stated. You released a ragged breath, your jaw trembling as you turned your head away. “Are you so desperate?”

“ _You_ must be,” you returned, your voice more level than you had believed it would be. “Hiding behind your mask, lying to yourself that what you do is okay.”

Instead of responding to you, this time Kylo Ren averted his gaze. He stared up at the ceiling, and silence descended upon the room.

_“The most terrifying monsters,” your father had once told you, “are those who do not realize they are monsters.”_


	5. FIVE

** Three Blind Tooke   
_Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Five:With Less Resistance

_The man turned monster still once was a man,  
And he knows the horrors of life as well as them,   
Sweet pleasures therein—but these he now steals._

True to his word, Kylo Ren ensured that you were fed regular meals despite the fact that you had been returned to your cell early the next morning. Days ticked by. You were chained to the stake in the center of the cell, kept somewhat sedated in order to prevent any more incidents of you attempting to bang your head against the floor. You could feel your strength slowly returning to you as you ate more of the meals. Four days. You could not help but wonder why it was Kylo Ren had not seen you again. Granted, it did seem to fall in line with your past experiences.

Six days. One of the stormtroopers handed you the washcloth this time while the other held a blaster pointed at your foot. They would not shoot to kill you; they would injure you. It was a point of frustration for you, however, as your strength returned, a part of you was thankful you had not died. You would find a way to kill Kylo Ren—or otherwise do something else to give the Resistance an edge on the First Order. You washed, shaved, and dressed yourself in the shirt they brought you. Kylo Ren’s shirt, you noted with distaste. Black panties, as always. The collar that was put around your neck was new. A mixture of black and red, a silver loop where you could be chained to something. No mittens this time.

When you were taken to the man’s quarters, you were chained to the bed by your collar. Two other chains ran from the headboard to your wrists, securing you in place. You reclined on the bed with your knees bent. The stormtroopers left, and you had to wait only a few minutes before the Knight entered the room. You kept your eyes on his movements. He was fully robed, something in his hand. You stared. A pit rolled around in your stomach when you observed him moving to the canister and dumping in fresh ashes.

“You’re not very welcoming,” he said, his modulated voice echoing in your head. His fingers trailed through the remains of your fallen comrades; you wondered _who_ it was that had met their end at his hands. Kylo Ren turned, watching you through his mask. You stared at that blackness with a renewed sense of frustration and rage. “I thought of you.” A twitch in your eye. Kylo Ren crossed the room to you. As he walked, he reached into his robe. Withdrawing his hand, you found that it was set into a fist, which bulged a little to indicate he was holding something.

He climbed onto the bed with you. You wondered how he managed this, thinking that the robe would inhibit his movements. The way he moved indicated that he was used to this obstacle, and he was able to work around it without issue. He reached up, his hand shifting your hair, tucking something into it—a snap revealed that he was putting a hair accessory on you.

“How many long-distance shooters do they have at their disposal? Two down in so short a time.” You could feel the meal you had eaten earlier churning in your gut. You wondered which of your fellow gunmen had met their end by his blade. It felt as though he was tracing whatever he had placed in your hair with this thumb. You bit back the urge to spit at him. “It would be wise of you to cooperate.”

As he said those words, Kylo Ren moved onto his knees whilst moving his robe out of the way. You grimaced when he withdrew his cock and started to stroke himself. A nudge at your legs with the Force. You spread the limbs, turning your face to the side as Kylo Ren moved closer, pulled down your panties, and thrust up into you. He groaned, and you wished you could cover your ears. He hooked his arms under your legs, hoisting you up so that your ass was no longer touching the bed. You watched him in the corner of your eye, further disgusted to find that he seemed to be looking where your bodies were connected. He started to pull back then pushed back in, watching his cock disappear into you. Kylo Ren raised his head. He slipped his hands up to your ankles, seizing them and holding your legs up. Holding you open this way, he was able to move more deeply in you. You felt your body starting to react, your juices slicking up his cock so that he met with little resistance.

“You’re so tight.” He moved off the bed, standing beside it, and you felt the chains digging into you as they were stretched to their limit. “You take it so well.” It being his dick, which you could feel pulsating as it caressed your inner walls. You narrowed your eyes, bucking your hips into his while at the same time attempting to twist in a way that would make it uncomfortable for him. Kylo Ren groaned, wrapped your legs around his waist, and started to fuck you harder. “Is that how you like it, little tooke?” He was moving so fast, his thrusts short. His hands were on your ass, massaging your cheeks.

“Bantha fodder!” you growled at him. “You’re shit!”

“Still fighting me.” That rumbling voice flowing through you as the owner of it pulled you tighter. The chains were uncomfortable now, to the point that any hints of arousal were starting to fade. And then he made a swooping motion that had you gasping, almost breathless and so fucking wet all of a sudden. You wanted to cry, and yet you knew it would only encourage him. He was climbing back to the bed, pinning you against the headboard, which was starting to slam into the wall with every thrust. “Your comrades die so easily, and yet you’re still here. Alive. Mm—do you like that, tooke?” He had once more swung his hips in a way that had you growing hot. A pressure in your head. “Fuck. You like it. You _love_ it.” He did it again, and you could not stop the moan that erupted from your throat.

“Fu…fuck…you’re—oooooh!” You broke off, panting and throwing your head back as the Force began sliding back and forth over your clit.

“Like this, tooke?” Your nipples were hardening without him even touching you there. Kylo Ren pulled his cock out of you only to start fucking your outer lips, rubbing the head of his dick against your clit. You could not stop yourself, could not keep your body in control as you met a few of his thrusts. Perhaps it had much to do with the fact that this was the most contact you had had in a while. The stormtroopers hardly touched you, save when necessary. You were kept isolated the majority of the time. And, with him in your mind, Kylo Ren knew _exactly_ how to get your blood pumping, get your juices flowing.

You knew there was nothing to fear from him when he grabbed his lightsaber, when he activated it and swung the plasma blade in an arc above you. Kylo Ren replaced his weapon at his side as you, chains dangling from your neck and arms where he had cut them from the headboard, grabbed at the front of his robes. Your fingers sought his throat, though you knew it would do no good. He threw you off of him, and you landed on your front upon the mattress. The moment you started to rise to your hands and knees, Kylo Ren gripped your hips and entered you from behind. You gulped in air, growling and clawing at the blankets underneath you. Through all this, he had not stopped the waves of the Force that were rocking against you.

“You’re enjoying yourself,” he said in a droll. His hands walked up your body, moving to the front so that he could grab hold of your breasts. Fisting them, he brought you up so that your back was flush against his chest. You panted, reaching behind you and searching blindly with your fingers alone for the latches of his helmet. Maybe then you could claw his eyes out, could grab hold of his tongue and rip it out of his mouth. “I thought about this, tooke. How tight your pussy is. How desperate you are to kill me—and yet you take my cock like you were meant for it.”

You found the latches, clawing at them several times before managing to get them undone. Kylo Ren chuckled as you worked his helmet off his head. Rather than throw it across the room, you thrust it towards his face; this was not an easy feat, given the fact that he was behind you. His hand left your breast, catching your wrist and squeezing so hard that it halted your movements and forced you to release the helmet, which fell onto the bed. He did not relinquish his hold on your wrist, however. Rather, he continued to squeeze until you could _hear_ your bone protesting. Just when you believed he would break your arm, he let go your wrist and placed his hand on your hip.

The pain dissipated, replaced by fresh waves of pleasure that were forced upon you until you climaxed around him. He came with a grunt inside of you then moved away. As he was no longer where you could reach him, could attempt to do him harm, you instead reached for your hair. You unclipped the accessory and brought it in line with your face. A little tooke hairclip. You snarled, throwing the item across the room and screaming in frustration and rage. Your wrist throbbed, and you rubbed at it simultaneous to turning so that you could locate the man. He had smoothed out the articles of his attire and was staring at you with a certain passiveness.

“I don’t exist for your amusement,” you said evenly. _He denies he’s a monster. Loathsome creature._ He said nothing, merely blinked and continued to stare. “What!?”

“You’re…passionate.” You were ready to refute this claim before remembering that hate was another form of burning passion. You looked to your side, at the helmet that was there. “In the throes of passion”—you knew and hated that he purposely phrased it this way—“you seem to have forgotten.” Kylo Ren strode over to you, and you found yourself shrinking in upon yourself. Fear started to grip at you. “What did I say would happen should you attack me?”

He leisurely took hold of your wrist, slipping his hand up until he was gripping your index, middle, and ring fingers. Your eyes widened as he began to apply pressure to them. “N…no…”

“Are you asking for mercy, tooke?”

“Never.” You squeezed your eyes closed, breathing heavily through your nose as Kylo Ren gave a sudden tug. You heard a multitude of pops that were nearly drowned out by your scream. Your eyes snapped open, and you stared in horror and bewilderment at your fingers—dislocated rather than broken. You weren’t sure if the pain would have been more or less had it been the other way. Kylo Ren traced a lone finger along the back of your hand then worked each finger back into its proper place. You screamed each time, whimpering and blinking through tears. “You’re horrible,” you croaked.

“Should you forget, I will _break_ them without mercy.”

“I hate you.”

“I hold no feelings of warmth for you either, little tooke.” You cupped the wrist of the hand that had been injured against your chest. Kylo Ren set a hand on your cheek, leaned in, and touched the tip of his nose to yours. “Your body is a form of passing entertainment, yet it is easily replaced. Your mind is one filled with lies, which then spew from this mouth.” His thumb outlined your lips. “Your spirit is the only thing of importance, and I see it breaking. So many cracks already. You claim to slay monsters, and yet still you live.”

You curled your tongue within your mouth, gathered saliva, then pursed your lips and spat in his face. His gloved hand left you, swiping along the spit, which he inspected. You barely saw the fist headed in your direction until it had struck the side of your face. You saw flashes of red and black, felt rather nauseated, and sat there completely stunned. You hoped there wasn’t a hairline fracture; that would be distracting with the long-lasting pain when all you wanted was to find a way to help the Resistance from your miserable position. Reaching up, you ran a few of your fingers along where he had hit you.

Kylo Ren left the bed, heading for the refresher instead. You listened as the shower was turned on. Your eyes then darted to the canister of ashes. You were not granted a generous amount of time to silently offer words of mourning; your captor returned to the room long enough to fully remove the chains and collar from you, and take you into the refresher with him. He finished taking off the final layers of his clothing while instructing you to do the same. You were only too happy to be rid of his shirt; that is, until he steered you into the shower and turned you so that you were naked, chest-to-chest with him.

“Wash me, tooke.” You would have half preferred if he had used the Force to compel you to do such a thing. As it was, however, you were left with the choice to obey or not. Your fingers, alternating between numb and throbbing, and your stinging cheek prompted you to choose the former. You grabbed up the washcloth, gathered a generous amount of soap, and set the material to his chest. You kept your lips in a thin line as you started to scrub him. A bruise was already forming on your wrist from when he had grabbed it. “Do you fear me?” You kept your eyes on his chest even though you were now washing his arms. No reply left your lips, nor did you offer a nonverbal response. He grabbed the other washcloth, prepared it, and started to clean you. There was a gentleness to his ministrations that caught you off guard; you had never believed he was capable of _any_ form of tenderness. “Why do you listen to the lies of the Resistance?”

 _He’s…trying to have a conversation with me,_ you realized. You hadn’t counted on this having such an impact on you, yet you found yourself turning from him and hunching over as you vomited up bile.

He had just brought in the ashes of your comrades to add to his collection, forced you to have sex with him again then hurt you, and now he was trying to talk with you?

“Loathsome creature,” you managed between dry-heaves.

“Tell me, tooke, when it was your general ordered you on the suicide mission.”

“General Organa didn’t,” you hissed out, knowing full well he could take the information from you, that he likely already had. “It was a different… One of my other superiors.” You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. “What does it matter to you?”

“The general would know it to be a suicide mission… Because of her lies by omission—yet again—here you are. A casualty.” You did not know what he meant, nor why it was that he knew so much about the general. It sounded more personal than it should have, which caused you to refrain from commenting. “In this case, the left hand didn’t know what the right was doing.”

“What does it matter? The general would want you dead, or at the very least incapacitated,” you said, pushing yourself back up to your feet and standing there shakily. Kylo Ren took your arm into his hand, steadying you. You tensed; there was something unspoken there that had you wondering— _did_ the general want him dead? If not, then why? _Why_ wouldn’t she? No! You would _not_ question your loyalties! He was doing it again, though in a subtle way that was more effective; attacking your beliefs. “I wish to go back to my cell.”

“I care nothing for your wishes.” You rolled your eyes, having expected him to say something along those lines. “If you behave, tooke, I will allow you time outdoors tomorrow.” You looked directly at his face. He did not seem to be lying, however you did not believe you could fully trust him. And what did he mean by _behave_? It was a rather vague order. Kylo Ren reached over, shutting off the water now that the two of you were clean. He stepped out, beginning to dry himself while you stood there. Slowly, you moved out of the shower as well and seized the unused towel that was on the rack.

Returning to his room, you discovered that a loose, sleeveless dress had been laid out for you. It was similar in design to the one that was normally forced upon you, and yet more modest overall. This one had a zipper, for one thing, which would keep it from slipping off your body. Kylo Ren dressed himself, lifted up the dress, and unzipped the back of it. His words ran through your head. He wanted you to obey. A large part of you wished to ignore this monster’s wishes out of spite. But the outdoors… How you longed to see them again.

You allowed the towel to slip off your body, stepped into the dress, and grit your teeth as a gloved hand moved the zipper upwards. You stared directly in front of yourself. Black gloves were then handed to you, and these you were able to pull on yourself. It caused your fresh injuries to throb, however you managed to not cry out.

Doing what you could to distance yourself mentally from his nearness, you wondered when it was that Kylo Ren had thought of you. Was it only after he had spotted the tooke hairclip, or had it been when he was murdering the other long-distance shooter? Perhaps both, your mind supplied. Your gaze drifted to the hairclip that you had thrown across the room. It remained in the same position on the floor. You could not understand it, his thought process. For someone who said your wishes did not matter, that he had no compassion for an enemy of the First Order—the hairclip did nothing to humiliate you, so what was the point of it?

_This monster does not know he is a monster…or else denies it as often as he can._

A leather glove entered your peripheral, and you winced. This was rewarded with a soft sigh from your captor. You turned your head to look over your shoulder. The position of his hand—the back of it facing you—and his posture suggested one thing. Your nostrils flared as you did what you could to control your anger. You then lifted your hand and set the back of it against his. You repositioned your body, falling into the correct stance. He wished to dance with you. Perhaps he had purchased the tooke hair clip in a place of celebration.

He slid one foot forward in the first step of the dance, and you followed. Though you allowed him to lead you, you failed to meet his gaze as was proper in the dance. Kylo Ren turned, his wrist flicking as he twisted his hand around. You followed suit. The lack of music somehow made it better for you. It was all a farce. A game of make-believe that you were playing with the monster you had sworn to slay.

“You cannot trick me into thinking you’re any less of a monster,” you said, your fingers aching from where he had injured you. The tips of his fingers trailed down to your wrist. You turned your back to him, all in the line with the dance. “Is this your way of celebrating? Raping me and then forcing me to dance with you.”

“Objectify and demonize.”

His words, the soft tone with which he spoke them, were strange echoes of those you had heard in the past. The things monsters did. Was he admitting to it? Or was he attempting to turn this on you?

The next step brought you chest to chest with him. You swallowed down bile at the memories it stirred up. “I won’t beg you.”

“You are angry, tooke, because I do not underestimate you.” You rolled your eyes at his words, shaking your head. “They water boarded you, and your reaction was calmness overall. I know you would endure the torture that would otherwise break your comrades. I have forced my way into your mind—yet you are correct when you claim that I am unable to pull the information I seek.”

_Objectify and demonize._

“Then why dance with me?” You did not want to know the answer. Or, you did not wish for him to say it aloud. Suddenly you knew that he had thought of you as more than simply a prisoner. Purchasing the tooke hair clip as he had—you released a bitter laugh. “My body means nothing to me, creature; you won’t break me.”

“Mm. You continuously spout that lie.” Kylo Ren stepped away from you and walked over to his chair. You watched him, observing the way he seated himself there. Silent. _Meditating,_ you noted.

You reached behind yourself, fumbling with the zipper and stripping out of the outfit. There was a shirt on the bed that you took instead. Though you loathed wearing an article of the creature’s clothing, you preferred it to the dress. You threw off the gloves as well, your fingers feeling more and more confined as they swelled. Kylo Ren ignored you as he meditated for several hours. You were brought a meal during that time, and you sat on his bed while you ate.

You reached to your side, seized hold of the helmet, and lowered it onto your head. You watched Kylo Ren through the visor of his mask and tried to think the way he thought. But you could not; you could never order the deaths of so many.

When he rose from the chair, Kylo Ren walked over to you and removed his helmet. He set it off to the side before climbing into bed with you. You rolled over onto your side so that your back was to him, much like the first time you had spent the night with him. You could feel him watching you. Doing what you could to ignore his stare, you lifted your hand towards your face and stared at your bruised fingers. They were swollen despite having been put back into their proper place. Your face felt as though it had also swelled. Your wrist, though not swollen, was sporting a darker bruise than earlier.

“Tooke?”

“Yes, creature?”

“Come here.” You took a moment before obeying, knowing full well he could easily make you do what he wanted by using the Force. You rolled over so that you were facing him. No sooner had you done this, his arm snaked around you, tugging you even closer. You waited, his face hovering just inches from yours. He never kissed you. He simply watched your reactions, stared at you passively until you fell asleep.

In the morning, he danced with you again. You said nothing, and he did not speak either. Your captor simply placed the back of his hand to yours. He stared straight ahead this time, not looking your way nor watching you as he had the previous night.

It was when the dance ended that he had food and fresh clothing brought. An outfit of your own—panties, a bra, shorts and a tank top. No shoes, however you did not mind. Kylo Ren had you tie back your hair, which you were thankful for when you at last stepped outside. It was humid, but in a pleasant sort of way. You shielded your eyes with your hand as you followed the darkly clad man out—how he wore the outfit, you did not know. You imagined it was the sort that regulated body temperature, although too high a heat would still irritate. He ignored the stormtroopers and officers that looked your way, and you followed suit. You walked after him past the line of trees to a small clearing, which you found to be the very place you had gone the last time you had been outdoors—how long ago had that been?

Kylo Ren stood still, whereas you shifted further until your feet were planted firmly in a patch of grass. You wiggled your toes, relishing in the cool dampness the ground had to offer. You lowered yourself into a sitting position then laid down, your knees bent but your arms stretched out to your sides. Inhaling deeply, you closed your eyes and listened to the sounds of nature.

After missions, you and your allies used to celebrate with mini picnics. Never off-guard; one always had to be ready. But in a patch of grass like the one here. Yet you had no allies. Still, you were resourceful; you patted the ground with your hand, careful to use the one that did not hold the three digits that had been dislocated the previous day. “Creature.” He obliged, stepping over to you then squatting. You tilted your head in order to look at his visor, which was pointed in your direction. “Sit properly.”

Rather than reprimand you for demanding anything of him, Kylo Ren leaned to the side, moving slowly into a comfortable position as he sat down next to you.

“Why did you buy the hairclip?” For this, you received no response. You sighed, turning your face upwards so that you could stare at the sky. Every so often the sounds of a ship landing or taking off ripped through the noises of nature. This you were used to. If it hadn’t been for your present company, you could have easily pretended you were back on base. “I don’t blame the general for not divulging the information in regards to her parentage. People did not exactly react kindly. And it doesn’t change what she’s trying to accomplish.”

“Trying to accomplish…” He nearly spat out the words, yet prolonged them with an increased accent of bitterness. “You know nothing.”

“Look, I only know her in the capacity of general. I believe what she stands for.”

“I know her in another capacity—and it’s disappointing.” You were thrown off with that remark. You turned away from the sky to stare at him. Kylo Ren appeared to be considering a tree.

“What does that mean?”

“It means nothing.” He sounded as though he were being evasive now. You propped yourself up on your elbows. He did not seem old enough to consider her as a princess, which some still referred to as, much to her chagrin. You recalled to mind his facial features and tried to picture—your blood ran cold. Though you had never met him, it had been hinted at many times, the fact that the general and Han Solo had a son. You shook your head; that couldn’t be right, you told yourself. “Ben Solo is dead.”

“Wh-what?” Kylo Ren looked pointedly at you.

“I killed him. Such a weak _boy_ …much like his father.” His shoulders relaxed. Kylo Ren propped up a single knee, upon which he dangled an arm. “There is no need for you to speculate.”

You were uncertain if he was speaking figuratively or literally, and you feared the answer either way. In many senses, it did not change who he was or what he had done. It did, however, explain why it was not the general who had given you your mission to hunt Kylo Ren. Yet why it was kept secret that Kylo Ren was—possibly—the general’s son… This, you did not understand.

“You won’t poison me against the Resistance,” you said, narrowing your eyes into a glare. Kylo Ren chuckled, not looking your way. “It really doesn’t matter your past—you’re just a monster now. Some dreadful creature. And I will slay you the same way I have the other monsters.”

“Such an unkind guest.”

“Let me see your face.” It nearly surprised you that he obliged without comment. His hands seized the helmet on either side, lifting it and setting it off to the side. You stared at his face with a new sense of purpose. Mapping out his features, comparing them. It was true; this creature had once been Ben Solo. “I almost pity you.” His lips twisted up into a grin that borderline the formation of a smirk. “Losing your way… I _do_ pity you.”

“How sweet, tooke,” he said mockingly. He ran the back of his hand up the length of your arm. “Such a sentimental creature. And you still want to kill me.”

You held up the hand that he had injured the previous day, displaying the bruises. “There’s no love between us—what should it matter?” He swept up the limb and brought it to his lips. You felt as though everything was surreal as he kissed each finger, almost as though in apology. When he had kissed the final digit, he set your hand atop your stomach and turned away from you. “Is that it? I’m your fix, right?”

“My fix?” he asked almost absently.

“Of the life you grew up in before. Back when you were—“

“He is dead.” You quieted, knowing it would be foolish to press the issue. Besides, you had no intention of angering him to the point that he would take you back indoors. After a few minutes more, Kylo Ren settled onto his back next to you. You watched him the entire time, staring at his face, his eyes. They were so expressive while at the same time guarded. “You were wrong, tooke.”

“Hm?” He did not elaborate. You reached over, touching his face. Kylo Ren laid perfectly still as you traced over each of his features. “I’m still fighting. You don’t always need to attack in quick succession. And you… You became a monster.” His eyes met yours. You took back your hand. “I won’t give in to the tyranny of the First Order…to the lies you’ve come to believe.”

“Tooke…”

“Ye—mmf!” He had turned over, his mouth sealing over yours. Your eyes widened as, for the first time, he kissed you.

_Hush, hush;  
A caress of lips—  
Your spirit stolen._


	6. SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey will not make an appearance until Part Two. Even then, I am not entirely certain how explicit that relationship will become in this fic.

** Three Blind Tooke   
_Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Six:Unnecessarily Cruel

_Long ago, I locked myself in a tower;  
Yet there still he came, claiming to be my hero.  
What he wanted was fame and control;  
He cared nothing at all for my wishes._

You had remained perfectly still when his lips were on yours, when he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip without thrusting it into your mouth. Kylo Ren had then drawn back, replaced his helmet, and stood. He waited approximately one minute longer before ordering you to stand. Still dazed from the kiss, you started to obey without question. You would have expected something rougher from him, something such as teeth clashing together. He preceded you towards the building. Once the two of you had entered, an officer approached the Force user.

“Sir, the prisoner has not broken yet.” You tensed at the words, your knees locking. A sudden dizzy spell threatened to overtake you, however you managed to place your hand against the wall to keep from collapsing.

“I see.” Kylo Ren turned so that he was looking in your direction. You were ready to spring, your heart starting to race—one of your comrades were being held prisoner, and you wanted more than anything to free them. Before you could do anything, however, Kylo Ren waved a hand before your face, and you blacked out.

You awoke to find yourself on a bed that was familiar to you. Your arms were chained above your head to the headboard. You pulled yourself into a sitting position with the aid of those restraints. You were not certain how long you had been unconscious, nor did you know how much more time passed until a stormtrooper entered the room. You perked up, watching his every action. You wished you would have still been passed out when he emptied fresh ashes into the canister. Apparently the prisoner had broken, had given them what they wanted—had become useless as a living being. Just another part of Kylo Ren’s collection.

To think that that monster had kissed you! That it had slipped your mind, even for a millisecond, that he was a monster, that you were intended to slay him.

Said creature entered his quarters shortly after the stormtrooper exited. You turned away from him, feeling your stomach roiling. You wished you could vomit; the urge was there, however it was not quite strong enough. You had come to expect such sick acts from him. That you knew of his previous identity—the fact that this was the general’s son—only disturbed you further. In many ways, what sickened you the most was that, at current, you were defenseless to stop him.

“When do you plan on adding me to that pile?” You observed him in your peripheral. The man set his hand in the ashes, scooping up some then allowing them to sprinkle back into the collection.

He chuckled. “This is but a part of my collection.” You gagged, and Kylo Ren looked in your direction. He took two steps towards you. “You’re so quick to choose death in the face of the First Order. Such loyalty is wasted on the Resistance—it won’t succeed.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Am I?” You hissed out a _yes!_ as he turned on his heel and headed for the closet. He withdrew a few items, tucking them into a small bag before walking over to the bed. “It will be interesting to see how well you thrive in the cold.”

“Wh…what?”

“The first of the Resistance to know about it… You should feel honored. You will be given warmer clothes before we depart for Starkiller.” You felt a sense of dread upon hearing the name. It was nothing the Resistance had ever even hinted at. By the sounds of it, Starkiller was one of the First Order bases. Perhaps their main base. You clenched your hands into fists. “Don’t fight it—when they give you the sedative.”

“Why? Will you hurt me if I do?” you snapped.

“Yes.” Passionless, matter-of-fact. You withered, averting your gaze and feeling a tightening in your chest.

Within an hour, you were bundled in several layers of clothing, which took you aback. You had no time to question it, however, before you were given the sedative. It knocked you out, and when you next awoke you knew that you had slept through the entire journey. The first thing that hit you was that, despite the layers of clothing as well as the blanket you were under, you still felt a chill. The second was that the room looked quite similar to the previous. Kylo Ren apparently did not have a fondness for décor. Another canister of ashes. Another chair, in which the man was seated. The bed you were on. But then there it was; easily recognizable was the helmet of Darth Vader. Your eyes were glued to it for several seconds before you attempted to move. You paused, looking down at your wrists then your ankles. No chains. They did not fear you escaping from Starkiller.

That told you plenty. If there were no chains on you, there were probably numerous guards. This base, undoubtedly, was larger than the previous. Perhaps it was their main base, which further crushed your spirit.

“You look so frightened, tooke,” Kylo Ren said in what could almost be constituted a whisper. Your wide eyes returned to the chair, to him. “A splinter cell of the Resistance… It’s no wonder you hardly had contact with the general, that you did not receive your mission from her.” He stood, crossing the room to the remains of Vader’s helmet. “And now the First Order has eliminated that cell—save for you.”

“They’re…they’re all dead?” Everyone you had trained with, suddenly gone.

“A greater threat than other cells of the Resistance… Naturally our resources would be used to exterminate such a threat. You are the only to have clung to life.”

“How long have you been hunting the cell?”

“Three months ago, a prisoner revealed that there was such a cell. It took another two weeks before we learned how to lure you.”

“The prisoner who… whose ashes you added to… You learned of our main base from that prisoner? The base of the splinter cell.” He inclined his head in a brief nod. “That’s what you planned to get from me…when you were digging in my head. Back when you…when you learned that I had never…done anything…isn’t it?” Another nod, a step towards you. You tensed on the bed, the heels of your feet digging into the mattress.

“Your kills were the reason it became pertinent for the First Order to hunt you…” He tilted his head to the side. “I hadn’t realized we were holding such an important piece when I first had you.” Once he had learned your identity, however, you assumed that was the point when he had become sexually aroused with the idea of breaking you. “You’re crying.” There was a tinge of disbelief in his voice.

You stared at the blankets as you responded to what he had said last. “My comrades were killed… Why wouldn’t I cry?”

“So passionate,” he said. There was a certain level of annoyance; his distaste of compassion was evident once more—especially for enemies of the First Order. He began to disrobe. You glanced his way twice, however predominately kept your gaze on the mattress as you allowed your tears to flow. Keeping in the emotion would only give you an unnecessary headache, which was something you would not want to deal with. In some ways, you were baffled that he could endure the cold as he was, wearing only pants. These, too, he dropped into a pile along with his helmet. “Remove your clothes.”

You swore in the back of your head, yet began to move to obey immediately. You were in no mood to deal with arguing with him, to worry over whether or not he was going to take control of your actions with his mind tricks so that you had absolutely no say. You peeled off each layer while also wrapping the blankets around your body. Kylo Ren smirked. He watched each of your actions with hungry eyes, but did not advance on you until the final layer—your bra and panties—were thrown onto the floor. At that point, he slipped into bed with you.

Your eyes darted to his collection of ashes. Once more were you wondering when you would join your comrades there. Kylo Ren’s lips found your jawline. You shuddered when he nipped your ear. Had it been anyone else, you would have found the gesture rather affectionate. With him, you couldn’t help but think it possessive.

“How many times did you have me in your sights, tooke?” You stared up at the ceiling as his tongue flicked out, teasing your jaw. You pressed your lips more tightly together. His breath hit against your face when he sighed. “Always waiting for the perfect shot—I know you’re patient.” You met his eyes with that. “This isn’t something you can wait out though, tooke. You are no longer beneficial to the Resistance.”

“I’m certainly not still alive to simply occupy your bed,” you snapped, earning a grunt from him. “Give you a cheap fix so that you can pretend you’re more than a monster.”

“You’re still crying.” He lifted a hand to your face, brushing aside a handful of your tears with his thumb, which he then slipped into his mouth. You wrinkled your nose and curled your lip in disgust. “You never seem to give up.” You made a noise in the back of your throat that was borderline annoyance. Kylo Ren chuckled, rolled onto his back, and pulled you atop him. Your chest was flush with his; due to the cold, you did not exactly mind this in terms of feeling his body heat. “One of the first I could consider a worthy foe.”

“Was that a backwards compliment?” you asked, your eyes scanning his face, which had betrayed nothing. His mouth covered yours in the briefest of kisses. You ran your tongue over your lips when he drew back. “Are you using kindness to attempt to break me, creature?” Kylo Ren gripped your hips, bucking up into you and running his cock along your outer lips. You could feel both his body and yours responding to the friction. You splayed your hands against his chest, tucking your face between them. “You’re so cruel.”

“Are you hungry, tooke?”

“That isn’t what I mean.” You could not help but smell his scent, which was, annoyingly enough, familiar to you. Its familiarity caused it to have a relaxing effect on you. You turned your head to the side, laying your ear against his chest. You could hear his heart beating. “You would make me have sex with you after revealing that my…that all of them were killed?”

“The spoils of war,” he said, once more bucking up into you. You could feel his cock hardening, and you pressed more firmly against his chest as you lifted your head.

“Every time I start to think that maybe you _are_ human, you prove me wrong.” His actions stopped immediately. Kylo Ren trailed a hand up the length of your body so that he could cup your face. His brown eyes searched yours. “You’re unnecessarily cruel.”

“I won’t allow you to harm me, tooke,” Kylo Ren said simply. “And the only other form of physical exertion left to you is to fuck.” The fact that he had not used a lesser term caused you some minute amount of comfort; had he attempted to sugarcoat the ordeal, you would have felt the strong urge to smack him—and he had already stated that this would not be allowed. Your lips formed around the word _fine_ , though you did not say it aloud. That would be consenting to the act, whereas you were simply attempting to convey that you had understood his point.

The hand from your face moved to the back of your head. He tugged your mouth down onto his. You did not resist the kiss, nor did you react to it. Kylo Ren hummed then pressed his lips to yours again. You felt his tongue sliding along your lips, searching for a way in. Rather than grant him permission, you released a huff through your nose. He chuckled, repeated the action, and then, when you still did not relent, rested his head firmly against his pillow. He rolled your body off of his, depositing you back to your side of the bed. You laid there, dumbstruck.

Time ticked by, how much you were not certain. “Creature?” No response. You turned onto your side so that you were looking his way. Kylo Ren was lying on his back, his gaze on the ceiling, though you doubted he was paying much attention to it. You were still trying to process the fact that your comrades had all been killed. It made you want to rip out your hair in frustration, to punch the man beside whom you were lying. Your teeth threatened to clatter against one another, so you tightened your jaw. “Creature?” Even to your ears, your voice sounded more desperate. There was an ache in your throat, more tears threatening to form—the fact that you had to seek comfort in your enemy did not sit well with you.

Kylo Ren moved atop you. This time when his mouth lowered onto yours, you did not fight him—and you parted your lips to allow his tongue in. He released a light moan, his tongue delving into your mouth. His hands were on your chest, groping, kneading; and his hips were rocking into yours. You spread your legs, a part of you hating yourself for doing so and the other part knowing this was the only way you could have any chance of so much as _touching_ him. You drew your hands up around his neck, your nails biting into the flesh of his back. In response, he groaned and nibbled your bottom lip. Kylo Ren sucked your lip into his mouth, chewing lightly on it so that it swelled. He ran his tongue along it then once more thrust his organ into your orifice. Your body was reacting to his ministrations, arousal flooding through you.

“Are you trying to draw blood, tooke?” he asked with his mouth mere centimeters from yours. Your eyelashes fluttered as you blinked repeatedly and gave a meek nod. He smirked, wrapped an arm around you, and pulled you onto him as he moved backwards so that he was sitting upon the bed. You obediently shifted your legs so that you were straddling him, not once removing your nails from his back. “To take from me, you must be willing to give.”

It was to remind you who was in control of this situation. You squeezed your eyes tightly closed before pressing your mouth to his and kissing him. His lips worked against yours, his tongue invading your mouth again as your nails dug into his back and his erection pressed into your thigh. You wiggled a little in his lap until you felt him at your entrance. Kylo Ren moaned into the kisses as you lowered yourself onto his cock. A swear left his lips, his hands gripping your hips and forcing you to start riding him immediately. You gulped in air when he took his lips off yours, his mouth moving beside your ear.

“You’re so tight around me, tooke.” A groan escaped him as he swerved his hips in the way he knew furthered your arousal. You moaned, unable to contain the noise. Your nails dug deeper into him, and you at last felt a light warmth, tiny droplets of blood on your fingertips. It was perhaps all he would allow, yet it was something—more than you had yet done. He lowered his mouth to your left breast, taking it into his orifice as his tongue laved your nipple. You whimpered at the delightful waves of pleasure that rippled through you. Leaning forward, you clamped your rubber-capped teeth on his shoulder, knowing that, though you could not cause him to bleed in this manner, there was still a chance you could bruise him.

It was the first time you were, even somewhat willingly, a more active participant when it came to anything sexual, and so your movements were sloppy. You tried to meet his thrusts, however were off; this did not make it any less arousing. His cock stroked you from the inside, and you gasped, at which point Kylo Ren removed his mouth from your breast and once more thrust his tongue into your mouth. You squirmed at the feeling of his tongue worming around inside your orifice. In slight frustration, you moved your tongue against his, attempting to shove it away. He chuckled into the kiss, working your tongue into submission. He had been correct; in a way, this was a physical exertion that could almost be a battle of sorts. You ran a hand up into his hair, fisting some of it and tugging just a little; you knew that if you put in too much effort, he would no longer permit you to act as such.

Kylo Ren shifted once more, laying you on your back and lifting your legs to hook them over his shoulders. You felt yourself beginning to cry again as he pounded into you. You released a ragged breath that ended as a weak sob and brought your hands to your face. Kylo Ren paused, removed your legs from his shoulders, and settled between your legs to allow a more calm experience. You could feel his breath through your fingers. You wrapped your arms around his neck so that you could bury your face against him. He said nothing, which was for the best—you did not want to hear anything from your enemy. To you, he was simply a body all of a sudden. Something to make you feel a force working against you, a force that brought both pain and pleasure.

“Creature,” you whispered as you felt yourself growing closer to orgasm. You felt a slight shift above you, as though he had dipped his chin so that he could look at you. “I hate you.” You sighed as you came, your orgasm weaker than the previous ones he had brought you to.

He grunted as he ejaculated inside of you, his hips stilling while he was still in you. “Tooke.” You did not respond. He sighed, and you felt a pressure on the top of your head. You grit your teeth when you realized that he had kissed you there. It was a comforting gesture—and you wanted none of that from him. You took your arms away from him, pressing your hands to his chest in an attempt to push him away. He did not budge an inch. “You’ve already lost.”

“I…” Your voice caught in your throat. You tilted your head back so that you could look him in the eye. “I’ll never stop.” He pulled back, pulling out of you at last. His expression was passive. To you, it seemed that he did not give any weight to your words. You brushed at the tearstains on your face with the backs of your hands. “You’ll _never_ win, because I will _never_ give up.”

“That is simply you being a fool. You’ve lost already—denying it changes nothing.” His words stung, perhaps deeper than he would ever know. You started to turn away, however he caught your face and turned you back to him. “You’re scrambling to find a way again… Don’t forget what will occur if you _do_ attempt me harm, tooke. That was your only exception. It won’t be repeated.”

“Then just kill me—I won’t stop! I’ve told you that already. I won’t!” You grabbed at his throat, wrapping your fingers around his neck and applying some pressure. You glared at him, baring your teeth as the man kept his mask of stoicism. “I _hate_ you!”

He said your name—your _name_ , not the term of endearment he had been using thus far—and your grip faltered. Your eyes were wide, and you felt as though the wind had been knocked out of you. “So desperate… I won’t kill you.” He grabbed hold of your left wrist, his thumb ghosting over three of your fingers. Your teeth chattered. “Do I need to break them?” You dropped your hands from his neck; feeling, at long last, defeated. “You seem so angry.” You averted your gaze, shifting your eyes so that you were no longer looking at his face. “You should understand, tooke, that I _own_ you.” As though you were nothing more than a materialistic thing. A trophy from his success at destroying your cell, from killing your comrades.

“I do not view you as anything more than a monster.”

“And yet you miss me when I’m not here.” You squeezed your hands into fists. You had nothing to do while he was away other than obsess over what attacks you could execute. Other than wondering if he was attacking one of your allies—always thinking about _him_. In a way, that could be construed as missing him. Because if he was with you, he was not harming those you loved and cared for. “In this cold, you’re clinging so tightly to me for warmth.” You wanted to unwind your body from his to prove a point, however you weren’t going to cut your nose to spite your face. It was _freezing_ , and given that you were naked, his body atop yours _was_ keeping you warm. “Admit defeat, tooke.”

“I am currently incapacitated, but you’re keeping me alive… The only way you will ever fully win is to kill me.” He sighed then lowered his mouth onto yours. As before, save for the exception of you wanting permission to claw into him, you did not respond. You laid there, stiff and with an expression of disgust. His tongue traced along your lips, but you did not yield.

“Mm… Resistance fighter. Do you want to know how easily your comrades were defeated?” You opened your mouth to curse him, however found his tongue exploring along yours. You went to turn your head, to break the kiss, however his hands were on either side of your face. He moaned, not pulling away until he was satisfied.

“Did you get enough?” you snarled. “Done with your fix?”

“No.” He smirked before kissing you again, continuing downwards, kissing every inch down your body until he arrived between your legs.

You wrinkled your nose when he licked you, his cum and yours entering his mouth. “You’re gross. You’re so gross.” He chuckled and repeated the action. “Stop. I don’t like that.”

“Mm.” He rested his cheek on your thigh, lying his head there. “What _do_ you like, tooke?” He lifted his eyes, staring up at you.

You huffed. “You choking on ashes.” His smirk only grew. He stood from you, walked over to the collection of remains, and grabbed a fistful. You did not know how to react when he returned to his previous position between your legs, when he sprinkled the ashes on your cunt. Kylo Ren locked eyes with you as he leaned forward, his tongue running from your perineum to your clit. It was coated with your juices, his cum, and ashes. He swallowed multiple times to rid his mouth of the ash. “Choke.” Kylo Ren chuckled then, whether intentionally or not, he coughed a single time on the minute amount of ashes that were still clinging to his tongue. “Now _die_.”

“I own _you_ , tooke. You are not master here.”

“You are _not_ my master, creature.” To show how much he cared about your words, Kylo Ren resumed licking at you, smearing the ashes down your thighs so that your flesh was darkened. “I am not scared of you,” you whispered. He reached up, pinching three of your fingers, and you tensed. Then squeezed your eyes closed and swore in your head as he released you. With that simple action, he had proven your statement incorrect. “You’re the cruelest thing I have ever known.”

_There’s a maiden in the tower,  
And there she sings at night to me.  
She tells me tales of all the lies,  
And men’s other atrocities._


	7. SEVEN

** Three Blind Tooke   
_Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Seven: Morbid Fantasies

_We danced and danced all night;  
Of these fantasies we took delight.  
While the world burned to ash,  
We had ourselves the greatest of laughs._

Kylo Ren was gone by the time morning rolled around. You woke up alone, and within a few minutes two stormtroopers entered and escorted you to a cell. This one had a proper toilet, however you hardly took comfort in this. Your clothing was of only two layers, however the material kept you plenty warm. You had been provided with a pair of gloves, which you gratefully wore. You sat in the middle of the cell without attempting to harm yourself. You had previously been set at harming or killing yourself to prevent the discovery of your cell; now that it had been eliminated, however, you had decided that you would spend your time discovering some other way to cripple the First Order and/or Kylo Ren. You knew that he appeared to let his guard down somewhat when you were with him, yet never completely.

It unnerved you that he was tender during sex—in the sense that he ensured you became aroused rather than derived pain from his actions. A part of you would have preferred if you had been aching due to his actions. And then, of course, you remembered well the pain that you had felt when he had mind-tricked you into breaking your hymen with his lightsaber. You had no desire to experience _that_ again.

To pass away the time, you started to do sit-ups. You followed this up with a round of push-ups before beginning various stretches to help get your body back into shape. Aside from eating or brainstorming ideas of the aforementioned nature, you had little else to do. You were aware of the passing time; aware that it had been at least four days since you had been taken to the cell. On the fifth day, you found that there was a wetness between your legs, which proved to be blood from your period. You wrinkled your nose, thankful when you were taken to be hosed down and then given both fresh clothing and sanitary napkins. The fact that you were bleeding at all gave you a minute amount of comfort. In a way, you doubted Kylo Ren cared whether or not you became impregnated—he would likely abort the fetus, given that he thought little of you as a human. No compassion for the enemy. You shuddered at the memory of how cold the man was.

On the eighth day of your time in the cell, you discovered there were speakers in the corners of the room. This you learned when one of the First Order propagandas began chiming overhead. You tried to plug your ears, to cover them with your hands, however found that the intention was to keep the audio going in a loop. You were close to tears when the day ended, when they finally shut off the words that spoke ideas and morals that went against everything you believed in. The following morning, it started anew.

By the end of your period, you were more than thankful to find that Kylo Ren had come to visit you. When he stood at the door to your cell and the propaganda from the previous day did not resume, you leapt to your feet. You nearly had the urge to hug the man, yet did not—your relief was not enough to cause you to forget that this was still your enemy. You were instructed to follow, and you obeyed, if only to get out of that cell. You were allowed to shower, Kylo Ren waiting in the refresher for you to finish. You dried your hair and body then dressed. You had been given a new pair of gloves as well as a thicker coat. You knew immediately from this that you would not be remaining indoors.

When again you followed Kylo Ren, you were indeed led outdoors. Your eyes widened at the sight of the two snow speeders. The darkly clad man paused near the first, looking over his shoulder at you until you approached it. You hesitantly climbed on. It took you off guard that he did not climb on behind you; rather, he straddled the second speeder. Your heart pounded in your chest as you tried to figure out what it was he was expecting of you. You fingered the ignition, watching him in your peripheral as he started to make slight adjustments on his ride. When it felt as though your heart was in your chest, you hit the ignition and set off.

Wind blew your hair, and you found that you had to squint to be able to see past the snow that was beginning to fall. You maneuvered the ride easily, having operated similar vehicles in the past during your training. In little time, you could hear the second vehicle behind you. You dared not look over your shoulder, knowing full well that seeing him pursuing you would only cause your nerves to give out on you.

You leaned into some of the turns to allow for a smoother ride. Starkiller appeared to be thick with trees. You were careful not to crash into any. Not once did the sound of Kylo Ren’s vehicle fade. You grit your teeth in frustration at this. There would be no losing him. You hit the brakes suddenly, and he shot past you a few feet before he, too, came to a stop. By that point, you had already leapt from your speeder and had started to run through the snow. It all felt surreal, being outdoors again. Fresh air entering your lungs as you, your body still not in the shape in had previously been, attempted to flee towards—you were not certain where. Anywhere.

When you heard the sound of him activating his lightsaber, you could not hold back the whimper. You ducked around a tree—then screamed as the plasma blade cut into the trunk of it directly above your head. You scrambled away, knowing full well that you were making tracks in the snow on the ground and would not be able to lose him. Kylo Ren’s next swing was also directly overhead. Your mind managed to reach the conclusion that he was not aiming to kill you. He simply wanted you to keep running. For what purpose, you did not know. And that _terrified_ you.

You threw yourself to the ground, rolling out of the way of a kick he had directed at your side. This entire scenario nearly reminded you of the day he had caught you, of when he had nearly killed you. You touched the area on your body where you knew your scar was located on your front. Perhaps, you thought, he was deciding whether or not he _wanted_ to kill you just then. That your life hung in his hands in such a manner did not sit well with you. Your started looking more desperately for something to counter his attacks with. That was when he seized the back of your shirt, dragging you backwards so that your body collided with his chest. The plasma blade hummed beside you, and your eyes were glued to that red light.

“Your skill set isn’t lacking,” he said, his voice deeper what with him wearing that helmet. You knit your brow. He had been testing you? For what purpose? Unless… A cold dread fell upon you. He had learned also of the two sister cells. There were two others who had your skill set, who had been trained as thoroughly as you. You did not know their identities; that had been a safety measure. Yet you knew _of_ one another. This was why you were still alive; so that Kylo Ren could learn what elements you thrived in. It was no wonder he had brought you to Starkiller—the snow; that you knew how to operate a snow speeder, that the snow upon the ground had not caused you to hesitate when you set off running. You swore under your breath, prompting the man behind you to chuckle.

His thumb hit against the lightsaber’s hilt, and the blade disappeared. You gnashed your teeth and clenched your hands into fists. “How did you find out?” Rather than answer you, the man wound an arm around your waist and tugged you even closer. He laid his head upon your shoulder, his face hooked against your neck. “Creature?” It was too familiar, the way he was holding you. Moreso when he wrapped his other arm around you. It unnerved you, made your skin crawl. You had a strong impression that this was _exactly_ why he was doing such things. “When are you going to kill me?”

“Rushing off to death?” he drawled without releasing you. “Are you more resourceful than your allies?”

“I wouldn’t know,” you hissed out, your response not a lie.

“You bled.”

“What?” You turned your head partway, blinking as you tried to figure out what he was talking about. “Bled?” Your period, you realized. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Bleeding that way…the scent for any tracking animals…” You swallowed. “They regulated your cycle, and you were not sent on missions during menses… Are the others female?”

“I don’t know anything about them. They could be eunuchs for all I know.” He hummed in response, still not releasing you. You had started to relax in his arms. It had dawned on your that he was listening to your heartbeat, feeling it. Remaining close to feel any alterations in your breathing. Gauging your reaction to everything. “Why not probe my mind, creature?”

“You’re quite proficient at throwing up walls…at distracting me.”

“You sound as though you’re interested in watching _all_ of my memories,” you said with a tinge of disgust. “Do you have a crush on me, creature? You’re repulsive.”

“Because I kill my enemy? The same way _you_ have killed yours?” You had no response for that. You pressed your lips into a thin line, your bottom lip threatening to protrude forward in a light pout. You felt something slither along your brain, caressing your mind as he listened to your thoughts. “Ah. Because I saw the flaws of the Light.”

“Because you allowed darkness to seduce and corrupt you,” you snapped out. “And your mother—gg!” A tight grip on your throat, an invisible hand choking you. It left you a moment later, and you coughed before drawing in a deep breath of air. “The _general_ ,” you started, trying anew. This time you were not choked. “She doesn’t want you killed, does she?”

“This frustrates you,” he said matter-of-factly. You lowered your eyes to the ground. Kylo Ren caressed your arms with his thumbs as he held you there. “You’re more of a fighter than even your general.”

“How low you must be to be able to insult her that way.” Snow was beginning to collect on your head, on your eyelashes. You blinked in an attempt to rid yourself of the flakes.

“You’re rather poor at taking compliments.” This time you turned your head and dipped your chin so that you could look at his helmet. The mask portion remained tucked into your neck. “You’re not afraid of death.”

“I am,” you admitted. “I’m more afraid of leading _others_ to their deaths.” You watched him for several seconds. “I really am your fix…” The muscles in his arms tensed; you could feel them. “That’s… Why would you… Just kill me. There’s both light and dark in you, isn’t there? So let your light side kill me.”

“You’re asking for mercy, tooke?” He sounded confused again. It was nice to know you could surprise him.

“Maybe it’s giving _you_ a small mercy.” Kylo Ren lifted his head at long last, his visor pointed in your direction. You knew you were looking him in the eye. “If the light is calling to you…if you’re keeping me alive because of that…you should kill me.”

“Before you reveal your secrets?” It sounded as though he had scoffed at you. “Tooke, you aren’t important enough to lead me astray. I won’t be seduced.”

“What peculiar wording.” Kylo Ren drew back from you slowly, as though he didn’t know how to react to your statement. “You have been fucking me after all.” His visor hadn’t shifted from your face, though the man had begun to walk, to circle you. “You’re plenty seduced, aren’t you?”

“Are you trying to anger me?” he asked. “To get me to kill you?” He chuckled. “Perhaps it’s _you_ who is being seduced. Craving my touch.”

“Hardly.” And yet he lifted a hand, caressing your face—and you did not pull away as you would have in the past. Catching yourself, you wrenched away from him. “I don’t crave it.”

“You miss it when it’s not there. When I entered your cell, you seemed happy to see me.”

“Desperation is not the same thing.”

“You’re desperate for me, tooke?” Amusement. You felt your cheeks heating up in embarrassment and frustration. “Mine is the only body you’ve ever known.” You narrowed your eyes, wanting to bite back with the fact that it hadn’t been your choice to have it as such. “You’re familiar with it.” He had taken a step closer to you again. The man was mere inches away from you, and you had to tilt your head back to keep your gaze locked with his.

“It isn’t your body at all that I want.”

“How sweet.”

“That’s not what I meant.” His snarkiness knew no bounds. You scowled and shook your head. “You’re the only form of…personal contact. Conversation—what could pass as it. And those lies I was being forced to listen to… You being there at my cell meant that they would be over, if only for a little while.”

“You’re looking for semblances of General Organa in me… You won’t find any.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” you replied. “You’re both stubborn in your own way. Quick-witted. There are similarities, whether you like them or not. It’s our past that helps shape who we are now… Even if you are no longer…if Ben Solo is dead, that doesn’t mean he had no part in Kylo Ren.”

“And what of you?” he countered, tilting his head to the side as he considered you. He said your name, and you flinched. “ _She_ is dead… Simply a tooke now. Is that all?”

“You may wish to be my master, however you aren’t. You won’t ever be. And you’ll never know who or what I am, because you mean nothing to me.”

“Yet again, you are wrong, tooke.”

“Wrong?” you repeated, your voice soft. Once more, he did not reply. Kylo Ren stepped forward, grabbing your upper arm and steering you back to the snow speeders. He pushed you onto one then climbed onboard behind you. You figured that someone else would be sent for the other speeder when he started up the vehicle and turned it, heading back in the direction from which the two of you had previously left.

You were taken to his quarters again, where your wrists were tied to the headboard of his bed. You worried only when your ankles were also secured. Began to sweat when a stormtrooper entered, carrying a device you recognized from your time with one of your now-deceased comrades. A tattooing gun. You jerked at your restraints, and shook your head. Kylo Ren lifted the gun and walked over to you. The stormtrooper exited.

“Where do you want it?” the man asked, as though he were offering you something of worth.

You snarled. “Nowhere. Don’t. Get…get away!” He had straddled your hips and started to draw up your shirt. “Don’t!”

“Neck. Shoulder. Hip. Back. Arm. Wrist. Ankle.” You squeezed your eyes closed as he continued to list parts of your body that could potentially be marked. “Where, tooke?”

“No… What are you—?”

“You’re mine, tooke. You won’t forget that any longer.” His name, you realized with disgust. He was going to mark his name on you. You turned your head away. “Mm… You’re so obstinate, tooke.” He shifted his weight, leaning so that he was able to work with your left hand. You started to curl it into a fist then stopped immediately when he said, calmly, “You will remain still for me.”

“I will remain still for you.”

He set to work without pause, his technique rather precise. It was when he was finished that he allowed you to have full control over your mind and body again. Your finger stung a little. You tilted your head so that you could look at it. Then squeezed your eyes closed. He had made a ring of sorts on your ring finger; his name wrapping around it as though you were bound to him forever. You knew that it was the finger on which people wore their wedding rings due to the fact that the veins led to the heart.

“You’re horrible.” Kylo Ren released you from your shackles, and you brought your hand in front of your face. “I hate it.” You thrust your right hand up towards him. “The least you could do is put _Ben Solo_ on the other.” It had been a sarcastic remark, and yet Kylo Ren seized up your wrist. “I was—“

“You will remain still for me.”

“I will remain still for you.” When again he was done, you wrinkled your nose. “Dreadful creature.” He had risen from the bed and walked over to his collection of ashes. The tattooing gun was set off to the side. You remained where you were until a stormtrooper had entered to retrieve the object. When once more the two of you were alone in his quarters, you looked at Kylo Ren. “Won’t it bother you, seeing _that_ name? Or do you plan on removing my finger? My hand? I suppose, in the end, you’ll simply burn me, right?”

“Supreme Leader has found that this is best.”

“Su…preme….Leader?”

“My master.” You did not know how to feel, that he was honestly answering your question. “You are…a fix. Your naivety serves as a reminder of how foolish it would be to listen to any calls from the light.”

“And in the meanwhile, you’re using me to learn of my comrades.” A hum to indicate an affirmative answer. “Raping me.” He turned away from the ashes and looked your way. “You think of me as nothing more than spoils of war…as property… I loathe you.”

“Do you expect kindness from the enemy?”

“I expect _death_. Torture, even, sure. But…oh.”

“Oh?”

“Shit!”

“Ah, an intelligent tooke. Letting your guard down, allowing me to see how to work through those mental defenses you were trained to throw up. My humanity is your weakness. You asking for _his_ name on you only served to prove this.” Kylo Ren removed his helmet and set it in the ashes. He walked over to you, and you remained still. The man seized both of your wrists and placed your hands against his chest. “It’s easier for you when the enemy is a stranger.”

“For you, it doesn’t matter, does it?” you spat, snatching back your limbs. His mouth collided with yours, and you turned your head, breaking the kiss. “Why are you kissing me?”

“A show of respect, tooke.” You looked at him with your eyes alone. “You’re more than a body. The first to survive…to continue to fight me. The others of the Resistance were nothing more than jokes. But you…” Your gaze dropped to his mouth, which he pressed to yours a second time. You did not respond, but this time you did not turn away. “You’re on the wrong side, tooke.”

“Simply because you have the upper hand right now? I won’t be intimidated by you. I won’t be—“ You jerked your head to the side. “Stop trying to kiss me.”

“It’s the gentlest way to silence your lies.” You huffed, facing him again to find that he was smirking. “When I find the other two, tooke, _you_ will be the one to pull the trigger.”

“I _won’t_.” He chuckled, and you had the strong impression that you would not be given a choice.

 

It was in the morning where you once more knew that you _loathed_ him. Kylo Ren had a hologram projection of the interrogation that was currently taking place displayed for him. You, your arms pinned under his legs and your legs hooked over his shoulder, were forced to listen. You closed your eyes as one of your fellow Resistance members screamed. Kylo Ren’s tongue slipped out from behind his lips and nudged your clit. You closed your eyes, glaring at the man as your toes started to curl in pleasure. His attention was glued to the projection. For a second time, he lapped at you absentmindedly. You dug your nails into the material of his pants. Your arousal dwindled at the sound of your comrade having his fingernail ripped off—at least, at the threat of it followed by his screaming in pain. You gagged; how was it that the man pinning you could watch it with such disinterest as he pressed his lips against your nub in a brief kiss.

What made things _worse_ was the physician in the room. It mattered not to Kylo Ren that his actions were observed by another. The physician readied a needle to draw your blood. Your chest heaved, in anticipation of being poked, in frustration over your fellow Resistance member’s current position, and as arousal shot through you once more. Kylo Ren had sealed his lips around your clit, sucking against you. Your body spasmed. You swallowed hard, trying to wiggle yet finding yourself properly pinned.

He drew back when the physician moved in closer. You turned your head away, glaring at the far wall as your blood was drawn. When the needle was removed and the tiny wound was covered, Kylo Ren ran his tongue along your folds. The Resistance member was sobbing, but still promised aloud he wouldn’t break. Kylo Ren’s lips twisted into a cruel smirk. Again your arousal started to fade—only to return in full when he flicked his tongue in and out of you in quick succession a total of four times. Your mouth had opened.

The physician took the vials of blood and exited the man’s quarters. You watched him leave, trying to distract yourself from a fresh scream. A loud snap, like a twig being stepped upon. It was the sound of a finger breaking. You felt goosebumps rise on your flesh. Kylo Ren pursed his lips and blew against your clit in a way that had your vaginal walls clenching around nothing. You squirmed, trying to unhook your legs from his shoulders. The way he had you stretched out, however, made it to where your limb was still extended, your cunt remaining exactly where he wanted it. His gloved fingertips traced along your lower belly before shifting to your sides. He ran his hands up and down, sending a tingling sensation shooting through you.

The officer in charge of interrogating your ally was speaking. Your mind was unable to wrap around the meaning of any of the syllables spoken; Kylo Ren had buried his face into your cunt and started eating you out with vigor. His pupils were wide, dilated and darker. You stared at his face with your mouth hanging open, heavy and noisy breaths escaping you as you tried to buck your hips and claw at his legs. His tongue was thrusting in and out of you, swirling every so often around your entrance. He slurped noisily, which only caused you to grow more wet. He started to bend the knee of his left leg then straightened the limb fully again, trapping your arm before you had a chance to free it.

You whimpered when, with his tongue flat against your clit, he suddenly paused in his actions. His eyes were glued to the hologram. Your eyelids fluttered. Closing your mouth, your nostrils flared as you tried to come down from your intense arousal—you had nearly been brought to orgasm, only to be denied. Kylo Ren flicked his tongue up, and you gasped. No movement from him for another moment until he ran the underside of his tongue down your clit and trailed his organ to your entrance. You seized your bottom lip between your teeth, furrowing your brow as you waited for him to delve into you. Instead, however, his tongue slipped back into his mouth. He raised his chin and watched the interrogation with renewed interest.

“Half-assed,” you growled, a few tears slipping down your cheeks as you attempted to cope with your denied orgasm for a second time. His response was to send another stream of air through pursed lips against you. You moaned, your struggles to free yourself renewed. “Nnn… Stars, you’re…” His gaze drifted down to you, and you quieted instantly. He had leaned his head to the side, resting his cheek against your thigh. You narrowed your eyes at him, reminding yourself that you would _not_ beg. Kylo Ren walked the fingers of his right hand up towards your leg, where he started drawing lazy circles on you. It was enough to renew the tingling sensations running through your body, to cause your body to start trembling with the _need_ for release. You grit your teeth, which audibly protested the pressure you were putting on them despite the rubber capping as Kylo Ren traced his name with the tip of his tongue against your clit. He then swiped down your folds, waggling his tongue for just long enough to bring you to your peak, and then he again drew back.

His tongue in his mouth, he sucked for a few seconds whilst observing the interrogation. You could hear the Resistance member sobbing, begging for it to stop. In some ways, you could not blame him. This wasn’t his first interrogation, from what you had gathered. You tilted your head back so that you could see his face. It wasn’t someone you personally recognized, however you still found yourself cringing at his current state. Saying you wouldn’t wish that on your worse enemy would be a lie at that point; you did want the First Order to crumble, _especially_ because of the hologram.

Kylo Ren grazed his teeth against your clit before gently clamping down, tugging at you. Your body started to spasm again, your vaginal walls beginning to clench—only for him to release you and lay his cheek on your thigh. You looked down the length of your body at him.

“Will you just sto-ooooh!” He had dropped his thumb down, rocking it back and forth along your clit, which was slick with his saliva and your juices. It hardly surprised you when he stopped before you could cum, yet that did not stop you from releasing a groan. You felt more tears slipping down from your eyes, falling into your hair.

“He spills every time, tooke,” Kylo Ren said in a neutral tone. “There is no need for me to break him.” You started to hum to yourself to drown out his voice, to block out the sounds of the man doing exactly what your captor had stated—he was giving the First Order the information they had been pressing him for. Your humming turned into a strangled moan when Kylo Ren sealed his mouth around you, when his tongue plunged into you and wormed its way around as he groaned. The vibrations brought you over the edge at long last, your over-stimulated nerves manipulated by his ministrations.

It was the strongest orgasm you had ever experienced. Your vision blurred around the edges, flashes of black then color. Tears spilling down your cheeks. It took you a moment to realize that you were moaning between gulping in air. Then sobbing again as Kylo Ren did not cease in his actions. He was tongue-fucking you in earnest, his eyes locked with yours when you looked up at him in desperation. He turned his head from side to side a fraction of an inch, as though telling you he had no intention of stopping. Your heart raced in your chest, panic setting in. Your fingers dug at his leg, and you feared that you would hyperventilate.

“Let go!” you screeched before throwing your head back as he brought you to orgasm for a second time. It was weaker than the first, yet added on to your exhaustion. Still, he did not stop. “Nnnn…no! Nnnn-ooooh!” His thumb was rocking against your clit, his tongue deep inside of you. “Kriff! Kriffkriffkriffkriffkriff—“ Your mantra broke off in a growl. You could feel him smirking against you as you came again. Kylo Ren turned his head, pressing kisses to your inner thigh. His tongue ran along your flesh before he bent both of his legs enough for you to free your arms. You set your forearms against his shins, pressed your palms on his pants, and pushed your torso up so that your legs slid off his shoulders. You were dizzy, blinking repeatedly and trying to keep from passing out.

He had dropped a hand to his lap and freed his swollen cock. You stared at it absently, watching him when he started to stroke himself. “Are you aching for it, tooke?” You swallowed thickly. Kylo Ren shifted onto his knees. The hologram behind you disappeared, an indication that the interrogation had at long last ended. Your captor grabbed your legs, tugging your lap closer to his. Your bodies did not quite connect. “Hmm?” He dipped his hips prior to shifting forward a little more, the head of his cock brushing from your perineum, past your inner lips, and along your clit. You looked up at him with a blank expression. Then furrowed your brow.

Kylo Ren set his hands upon the mattress on either side of your hips. He climbed up your body until his face was level with yours. By then you were starting to look around yourself.

“There’s nothing within reach, tooke,” he stated calmly. You shuddered at the sound of his voice, at the way he rolled his hips once more into yours. Kylo Ren aligned himself with you and thrust up into you. Your vaginal walls clenched around him, as though trying to pull him further into you, or else push him away. His hands were on the mattress beside your head, palms still flat. You were gritting your teeth again, trying to ignore the sensations of pleasure flooding through you.

Which was rather easy to do—until he started to move. Your over-sensitive flesh was easily stimulated by his every touch. You placed your hands against his chest, for once not trying to push him away from you. You were shaking too badly to even attempt that. “O-out, creature,” you whispered, lowering yourself once more so that you were fully laying down. Kylo Ren moved along with you, his clothed chest flush with your naked one, save for where your hands touched him. His mouth met yours, silencing anything else you had planned on saying.

Your lips were pliant, allowing him to thrust his tongue inside. You could taste yourself on him, which drew a moan from you. Encouraged by your response, you felt him exploring more of your mouth. He broke the kiss, his hot breath washing over your face. “You need this, don’t you?” You averted your gaze. He stopped thrusting into you, and you squeezed your eyes closed. You would _not_ beg for it—you _didn’t_ need it, you told yourself repeatedly. No matter how much your body was throbbing for him, you did not _need_ it. “So stubborn.” Kylo Ren withdrew from you, and your eyes snapped open. You stared at him with wide eyes, searching his face. “ _I_ don’t need it, tooke.” He stood, grasping himself and beginning to jerk his cock. “I’m willing to touch _myself_.”

You knew your face properly displayed your flustered state. It was frustrating, his retorts, the fact that they were, on even a purely physiological level, correct. “I won’t beg for you,” you hissed. He said nothing in response, his actions not ceasing. You lowered your attention from his face back to his cock. He was rocking into his own touch, the sight of this causing your body to remind you how much you were _aching_ to be filled. You called to mind the memory of the Resistance member’s screams and cries of pain. Precum started to leak from his slit, however, and you felt yourself becoming wet again. “Kkkk….kriff.” His hand slowed. Kylo Ren watched you with a smirk forming on his face. He traced his fingers over the precum then stepped closer to you and thrust his fingers into your mouth. The taste of him did not help your current condition. You jerked your head to the side. “You’re repulsive.”

“Very well.” He resumed pleasuring himself, quick movements of his wrist aiding in his actions. You looked ceiling-ward and attempted to regulate your breathing. Kylo Ren released a grunt, and you clenched your hands into fists against the bed sheets. A swear left his lips, and the next second you felt his cum hitting your legs. A hiccup rocked your body. He tucked himself away, grabbed one of his extra shirts, and threw it at you. It hit your chest. You sniffled, hiccupped again, and pulled the material over your head before hooking your arms through the sleeves. Your body felt as though it were on fire, as though anything touching it was searing your flesh.

You hooked part of the sleeve over the heel of your hand and wiped the cum off your leg. You paused midway through the action, finding that it was adding to your discomfort. “Creature?” Kylo Ren picked up the hand on which his name had been tattooed onto your finger; he slipped that specific digit into his mouth and sucked on it. The hand that was not holding onto your wrist moved between your legs, two of his fingers entering you. You spread your legs wider, hating yourself for doing so and yet realizing you would find no relief if you did not. Your finger left his mouth with a light _pop_.

“Do you like this tooke?” he asked, practically smiling at you. When you did not answer, his fingers paused. “You’re running out of time.” You wrinkled your nose, knowing he was going to be leaving soon due to the information that had been provided to him by the other Resistance captive. “Decide.”

You locked eyes with him. As though he did not care either way—and perhaps he didn’t—Kylo Ren started to remove his fingers. “Gg…” He paused, blinked, and pressed his lips tightly together. “P…pl…” You shook your head. You couldn’t do it. Kylo Ren hummed and finished removing his fingers. He sucked your juices off his fingers as he straightened himself. You watched him walk to his collection of ashes, pick up his helmet, and put it on before walking out of his quarters. “Damn it!” You reached for his holoprojector, threw it across the room, and bundled yourself under his blankets. It was still cold on Starkiller, and the shirt he had provided you with only kept your top warm.

You never complained that you didn’t have anything to do while he was gone; it was better than sitting in that cell with the First Order propaganda playing overhead all day. You would take naps, daydream about killing Kylo Ren, and at times exercise still. This time, you picked at the spot from where your blood had been drawn. It took what seemed to be hours before your arousal had at last fully left you.

When Kylo Ren returned, he was trailed by a droid carting your dinner and his. You sat up in bed, drawing your knees up towards your chest. The food smelled delicious, and your mouth instantly started watering. A tray was set up, on which the plates were put. The lids were lifted, and the droid exited the man’s quarters. There were two glasses of wine, which caused you pause. Your eyes lifted to Kylo Ren’s face, which had been revealed when he had removed his helmet. He climbed onto the bed beside you, tugged the tray closer, and handed you your glass. You held it by its stem and peered into the liquid. He seized his own flute of wine and clinked his against yours in a toast.

You brought the rim of the cup to your lips, taking a sip without actually tasting it. The alcohol stung, what with you not having drank anything of real flavor in quite some time. You winced, set the glass back on the tray, and waited. In the past, if you tried to begin eating before Kylo Ren was ready, you found your hand smacked away. He nudged your plate closer to you, and you picked up your utensils to begin eating. It was rice with what appeared to be either a curry or gravy with chunks of shredded meat inside. Things that required little chewing, given that he refused to have the caps permanently removed. Oh, he had allowed for a temporary removal of them while you were under his control so that new caps could be applied, the old ones cleaned.

You brought the first bite to your mouth, blew on it to eliminate some of the steam, and then slipped it past your lips. Rather than eat his food, Kylo Ren simply observed you. You noticed this only after the third bite. Your chewing slowed, and you looked hesitantly from the man’s face to your plate of food and then to the bite of food you had prepared. “What did you do?” you asked, setting down your spoon.

His lips split into a wry grin. “An ingredient in the curry—what do you think it is?”

You stared at the food in question, trying to figure out if he meant the meat or the curry itself. You figured it was the latter. What could possibly have him—you gagged. “No.”

“Hmm? Do you know, tooke?”

“You didn’t….”

“I did not make it.”

“You killed…you killed him…”

“His death was ordered. He was no longer necessary—and why should you care? He spilled so many secrets. You should be relieved that he perished.” You started to stick your finger down your throat, only to have him catch your wrist and tug your hand away from your mouth. The ashes of his enemy had been added to the powder of the curry, you knew. You had just consumed one of your ally’s remains. Unless he was lying, which you sincerely doubted given how much cruel glee was written on his face. He seized hold of your glass, offering it to the hand he held captive. You took the wine, draining it completely.

A large part of you wanted to throw the empty glass across the room, at his face. Yet you knew that he would stop either action, even if it meant using the Force. You replaced the glass on the tray then turned your back to him. You could hear Kylo Ren pushing away the tray. It hardly surprised you; the moment you had realized the ashes had been put into the curry, you had assumed he had previously eaten. His plate had been brought merely as a ploy to get you to eat your own food. You felt sick to your stomach.

“You’re vile.”

He chuckled. “It’s harmless, tooke.” You wrinkled your nose at his words, looking over your shoulder at him in unmasked disgust. You knew what he was implying. You had inhaled the ashes of your deceased comrades when he had shoved your face into them weeks ago. It was the fact of the matter, however; and you would not be budged on your stance with it. You turned away from him once more, prompting him to click his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Ignoring me, tooke?”

“No—I simply don’t want to look at you.” You brought your hands into your lap, setting the left over the right. You traced your ring finger on your right hand, caressing the name of _Ben Solo_ to remind yourself of the man’s history. To remind yourself of his _mother_ , who had helped with the creation of the Resistance for a reason. A reason you fully supported. You needed to remind yourself that the galaxy held more than just monsters.

Kylo Ren reached around you, setting his hand atop both of yours. His thumb trailed along the tattoo of his current name. When you did not pull away from him, he rested his chin atop your head. You could feel his breath in your hair, indicating he was breathing through his nose. You allowed your eyes to drift closed and pretended for a moment that it was not your enemy holding you, that it was someone more familiar—a faceless someone, any member of your now-destroyed splinter cell would have done.

“Should I blindfold you, tooke?” You sighed, his voice shattering the fantasy you had started to build in your head. “Remain completely silent and keep you from seeing my face. Would you pretend one of your comrades was fucking you? I know you start to think of them, to pretend _I_ am not the one near you. Would you ride my cock with enthusiasm?”

“You’re—“

“Disgusting?” he asked, his tone dripping mockery. You shook your head, once more frustrated with him. “You would call the wrong name, wouldn’t you?”

“So,” you said testily. “You _are_ frustrated that I refer to you only as ‘creature’. That’s all you are. Nothing more.”

“Sometimes I’m a monster, you say,” he teased. You looked towards your lap, at the way his hand was still upon yours. “So patient…” You broke out of his loose embrace, sliding under the covers so that you were lying on your side with your back to him. You stared at the helmet of Darth Vader. You had thought, in passing, of attempting to finish breaking it. You did fear to do so; it was not only your life you worried over. What else would he do in anger, you wondered. If he was able to passively harm you as he had in the past, you did not want to waste your time with such petty things to invoke his anger. You would rather his anger be aroused by a failed attempt to murder him.

You listened as he removed his clothing. The mattress shifted a few times, and you said nothing in response to the way it only added to the nausea that was still undulating through you at the knowledge that you had been fed some of your comrade’s remains. You were waiting for him to turn you over onto your back, to climb between your legs and fuck you as he did whenever he had stripped this way in the past. Instead, he laid against you, spooning with you.

As you had stated previously, he was your only form of what could pass as a conversational partner. Having been left alone for the majority of the day, you found yourself remembering this fact, much to your chagrin. “Creature?” No reply. “If I say your name, creature, what then?”

“How do you mean, tooke?”

“Nothing,” you said, a little breathily. “I won’t do it.” He lifted his hand to your neck, his hand enclosing around your throat. You winced when he started to squeeze. Not enough to fully cut off your air supply, but enough so that you felt the effects of a limited amount of oxygen. Kylo Ren released you of his own accord, and you rubbed your sore flesh. “You’re so tempermental.”

“You should dress if you so wish.” Your blood ran cold. There were extra clothes for you in the closet. An outfit that was meant to keep you warm when you were sent to your cell, where the lies of the First Order would play over and over again. “You have five minutes to decide.” He turned over, likely reaching for a commlink to summon a ‘trooper to take you away.

You moved so that you were facing him, your hands on his arm, which stilled. “I…” You were watching his face, which told you nothing other than that he was disappointed with you. Words would have no impact on him. Except, perhaps, if you uttered out that wretched name, which you would _not_ do, damn it! You cringed as you took one of your hands off his arm and instead placed it on his abdomen before trailing down further. You gripped his cock, pumping him. Kylo Ren stared at you for a passing second then resumed reaching for the commlink. “Wait!” He did not. “I need it!” you said desperately, hating yourself, but more fearful of being trapped in that cell for who knew how long. He had already proven he could go over a week without seeing you. The man paused again, his eyes sliding to your lips, which had started to quiver. You stroked him as you repeated the wretched phrase: “I need it.” You refused to do more than touch him until he said aloud that you would not have to go. Otherwise he could simply have you fuck him then send you away all the same; his word was good, you knew that much to be true. But he wasn’t saying anything.

He lifted up the commlink, bringing it to his ear as you wrapped a leg around his hip. You ground against him, growing wet at the feeling of his half-hard cock pressing up against your cunt. His thumb grazed over the call button. You sobbed out a single word: “Ren.” He stiffened, yet did not set down the commlink. You swallowed thickly at the saliva that had gathered in your mouth, at the thickness that was developing in your throat and threatening to choke you. “Kylo Ren.”

“You should dress if you wish,” he said once more. “Three minutes.”

Beyond desperate, you positioned his cock at your entrance and lowered yourself onto him. He grunted, allowed you to push him onto his back so that you could properly straddle him, and passively watched you as you started to ride him with tears streaming down your face. He was not meeting your thrusts, which caused you to lift a hand to your face. You wiped at your tears then took the knuckle of your index finger between your teeth as you hiccupped. His pupils dilated when you used your other hand to start touching yourself. You toyed with your clit, your actions unsure as you had never done this of your own accord. You felt him shudder underneath you.

“Crea—Kylo Ren,” you corrected yourself. His eyes were glued to your cunt, to your fingers teasing your clit and to the way his cock was slipping in and out of you. You trembled as a wave of pleasure started to roll through you, your body reacting to his. Kylo Ren met one of your thrusts, which caused hope to blossom within you. You rocked back and forth on his dick, his erection filling you up and stretching you. “Nnn…K-Ky…lo…R-ren,” you moaned out this time. His hands seized your hips, and he started fucking up into you. Your jaw dropped at the intense sensations running through you. Never before had you felt this good when fucking him. Your hope that he would not send you back to the cell mingled with your arousal.

He did not hold back either. Kylo Ren bucked up _hard_ , and you felt the head of his cock hit your cervix. It was slightly painful, yet you found yourself wanting to take him as deep into your body as you could—anything to get him to say you could stay, that you wouldn’t have to listen to the audios. Your finger started working faster against your clit. Kylo Ren batted away your hand, hooking his thumb against you instead. His pace was quicker than yours, and you came around him in a short amount of time, his name slipping from your lips.

You nearly collapsed on top of him, however the man shoved you onto your back, kneeling between your legs as he continued to pound his hips into yours, continued to toy with your clit, pinching it and tugging at it so that your legs spasmed and twitched. His mouth found your breast, his tongue lapping at you.

“Nn—d-d-don’t…wa…w-w-wa..n…t…to—“

“Shh,” he hissed out, throwing his head back. You could feel his cock pulsating inside you, could tell he was seconds away from cumming. He pulled out, his hand on his dick, jerking himself as he ejaculated on your stomach. He swiped up some of his cum, shoving his fingers into your mouth. You obediently sucked his semen off of his digits, staring pleadingly at him. “Okay, tooke. Kriff, you’re desperate, aren’t you?” You mentally berated yourself, yet at the same time allowed him to thrust his fingers back and forth in your mouth, fucking you with them. “If you disappoint me tonight, tooke, you’ll go to your cell.”

You grit your teeth. He kissed from your shoulder down to your cunt. You hooked your legs over his shoulders, bringing a smirk to his lips, which he pressed together so that he could kiss your clit. You eyed the wine glass, still empty, as he started to hungrily lick at you. It was out of reach. Kylo Ren paused, you felt him do so, and looked up at you.

“I…” You knew he knew what you had been thinking. You settled on the mattress. “I’ll be…good. Please.” Another night, you told yourself. When he was truly off-guard.

“This is your only warning, tooke.”

“Yes, crea—Kylo.” He parted your folds with that skilled tongue of his, and you got off on thinking of ways you could kill him while he ate you out.

_Sometimes we let the monsters play,  
Allow them to believe that they’ve won;  
But we are only biding our time—  
The victory is ours when the battle is done._


	8. EIGHT

** Three Blind Tooke   
_Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Eight: Hold On :: Let Go

_We pity monsters,  
Yet wish for their deaths.  
They pity us too,  
Until our last breaths._

You awoke the following morning with your legs entangled with his. Kylo Ren was already in a conscious state; it was the sounds of him conversing with the physician who had drawn your blood that had disrupted your sleep. The results showed that you were currently anemic, which hardly surprised you. What did shock you a minute amount was that it appeared your health was the reason for the treatment; Kylo Ren wanted to ensure that your body was physically sound. They had also checked your vitamin levels. You were vitamin d deficient, not that you had expected anything less. The sound of a bottle of pills being set down on the bedside table alerted you to the fact that this would be remedied.

When the physician mentioned that you were not with child, you felt yourself stiffen. Had he been trying—? But, no; your captor released a light noise prior to stating his wishes for you to be chipped before breakfast. The device would release hormones to temporarily keep you from being impregnated. It was a process that was easily reversible, yet you had previously elected to not be chipped when you had been with the Resistance.

Aware that you were already awake, Kylo Ren nudged you towards the edge of the bed. You seized hold of the bed sheet, wrapping it around yourself as you stood on wobbly legs. He also stood, his hands steadying you so that you did not collapse. Kylo Ren informed the physician that the two of you would shower, and at that point you would be ready to be chipped. The physician responded by stating he would get the materials straight away. He then dismissed himself and left. At that point, Kylo Ren placed a hand on your upper arm and steered you towards the refresher. On the way, he grabbed the bottle of vitamins, emptying one into his hand and giving it to you. You held onto the pill until you were in the refresher. There, you placed the pill near the back of your throat, turned on the water in the sink, and cupped your hand to take a small drink with which you were able to swallow the vitamin.

_I need to regain my strength to slay **this** monster._

You stepped into the shower with your captor without having to be told to do so. You wanted more than anything to clean yourself; the dried semen, your own juices also dried to your inner thighs. The hot spray also felt nice, given how sore your muscles were following your activities the previous night.

Your mind was sorting through the fact that you were to be chipped. It wasn’t something you would have normally wished to occur, however you had no desire to carry the man’s child. It would have been one thing if you knew you could escape while pregnant; at that point, you could have dealt with it by allowing yourself to be calm with the knowledge that it would be General Organa’s grandchild you were carrying. As it was, all you would be able to focus on would be that it was this creature’s spawn.

When you were younger, you had always imagined having a family. Perhaps it had much to do with watching your parents together. Playing with a doll your father had bought for you. After joining the Resistance, however, you had decided to put any such plans on hold. You hadn’t even thought about being in any sort of romantic relationship in well over two years. Not that it was romance between you and the man with whom you were showering. The relationship—if that it could be called—was strained. Purely physical, with the underlying fact that you wished him dead. You dropped your gaze to your hands, to the two names he had tattooed on your flesh.

You sighed, grabbed the shampoo, and proceeded to wash your hair. Kylo Ren stepped around you in order to wet his hair as well. You shifted back, your fingers massaging the lather through your locks. As you did this, you allowed yourself time to gaze at the muscles of his back, of his arms. You would not be able to overpower him if it came to a purely physical fight. True, you were patient as he had stated, yet that patience was being tried. He had trained your body to respond to his by taking care in arousing you prior to having his way with you. Your mind, on the other hand, was your own—unless he used the Force to mind-trick you. You knew that his success in these feats were in part due to his power, but also due to your weakened state. You were emotionally vulnerable, desperate, oftentimes not thinking perfectly clear.

Lifting your gaze to his hair, your fingers paused. You blinked, recalling a picture you had seen of his mother when she was younger. His hair was perhaps a little darker than hers had been, yet there was a similarity in its waves. You could not help but wonder of the pain General Organa was in, knowing that her son had been seduced by the Dark side. That he was fighting against her. Some would say that it was due to him being the grandson of Darth Vader. You doubted that to be the case entirely. Had he been following in the footsteps of his grandfather, why would he admit to being tempted by the light? Perhaps there was much you were ignorant of when it came to the fallen lord.

This did not, naturally, lessen your desire to kill him. He was responsible for his own actions; he had _chosen_ to commit them. It did, however, renew your sense of pity. For both his mother and the man himself. You knew _of_ Han Solo, but had never personally met the man. Thus your sense of pity for him was a minute thought that lasted for the briefest of seconds.

You stepped forward, and Kylo Ren moved aside so that you could rinse the shampoo from your hair. Keeping your eyes closed lest the lather irritate them, you pictured the last base on which you had trained. The weather had been pleasant there, nothing as it was on Starkiller. You had never celebrated your kills, though you had enjoyed your victories. That you had to kill anyone, really, upset you—war was not a pleasant thing, however you _were_ willing to fight for what was right. It was not like with the First Order, who killed entire villages at a whim.

“The first time I saw you on the battlefield…” You paused midway through speaking. Kylo Ren said nothing, which caused you to glance his way. He was watching you with mild curiosity. “I didn’t think you were human.” You took a step back to allow him access to the water. He finished washing his hair while you continued to speak. “Ip”—it was the nickname one of your older comrades had told you to refer to him by—“kept insisting that you were. I didn’t believe him. I didn’t _want_ to believe him.”

_The first time you had seen him on the battlefield, the sounds of gunfire had been echoing in your ears. Some of the blasters the stormtroopers were carrying were set to stun, though most were set to kill. You watched as both sides lost men. People dropped like flies. You had been watching this through the scope of your rifle, your mouth open in horror. Ip gestured towards the black figure. The red plasma blade of the lightsaber cut through another of the Resistance members then batted away a shot that had been directed his way. Your eyebrows rose in surprise. This creature, you had thought, was skilled._

_“That’s Kylo Ren,” Ip told you, preparing his own weapon. Your eyes darted to him. It had been on your previous mission that you had had to shoot your comrade, to put him out of his misery after his weapon had backfired. Ip paused, no doubt sensing where your thoughts had traveled. “Don’t shoot. Leave it to me—if I get a clear shot at him, I’ll take it. Your nerves will get the better of you, and you’ll give us away.”_

_You knew better than to argue. Ip was not insulting you, nor questioning your skill. He nodded in the direction of the black figure again. You watched the creature’s ability to deflect another two blasts. Kylo Ren twirled his lightsaber around in a circle before swinging it in an arc above his head, bringing it down through the body of another of your allies. You grit your teeth._

_“What species is it?” you asked, your expression tinged with disgust._

_Ip scoffed, huffing and shaking his head. “Human, Meep.” Meep. He referred to you as that given that during your first meeting, you had stubbed your toe on a piece of equipment and had released such a noise. “Hard to believe, but that is a human.”_

_“No,” you said simply, shaking your head. “No, that’s not… You’re joking.”_

_“Not joking, Meep,” Ip insisted. You could not stop shaking your head. The black figure was graceful, a fact you could not deny despite him being on the opposing side. “Kylo Ren is human.” He readied his weapon, his finger over the trigger._

_He never fired that day. The two of you simply watched helplessly as the creature—human—known as Kylo Ren killed more than eight of your comrades. That was also the first time you saw their bodies gathered, taken away. Never knowing that he was adding to his ash collection._

“I was finally going to fire… How did you find me?”

“When you ducked to avoid that explosion, light reflected off your weapon. A happy mistake—the stormtroopers had overshot their target.” He turned to face you. “Had I realized then which Resistance member you were, I would have ensured your death.” Kylo Ren took a step towards you, and you stepped back in retreat. Your back hit the wall of the shower, which allowed him to corner you. His face was mere inches from yours. “Not immediately, tooke. You would have been taken for questioning. The officers of the First Order would likely have failed to break you if that were the case. You were destined to be my prisoner.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you said with a false bravado. “As you stated, you got lucky.”

Kylo Ren’s lips twitched, a wry grin forming. “You think your shot would have hit me?” You dropped your gaze. “Finish washing.” This indicated he was growing tired of showering. He refused to allow you to leave before him, however. That would give you the chance to find something to attempt to electrocute him with; this he knew from your wandering gaze every time you entered the refresher with him.

The two of you dried prior to reentering the bedroom. You stood in the middle of the room with his bed sheets once more wrapped around your body. The physician had returned and was readying the device, as well as sterilizing the area he planned on inserting it. You winced and released a cry of pain as the physician completed the task. A swear left your lips, and you turned, running your fingers near the area, which was sensitive.

“I have spoken with the kitchen regarding what nutrients she is lacking, Lord Ren,” the physician said as the man he was addressing finished dressing. Kylo Ren twisted his wrists, rolling them so that the gloves he wore were adjusted to better fit him. “Along with the pills, her levels should return to what is desired.” He cleared his throat, visibly nervous before speaking the next portion. “It would be best if she did not… For approximately twenty-four hours, at which point the chip should be working to its full capacity, she should not engage in—“

“I see,” Kylo Ren said, looking at the other man. “That is well.” The physician nodded, seemingly relieved that he had in no way angered the man. You wondered what sort of temper Kylo Ren had. Sure, he had reacted violently when you had attempted to kill him, however that was to be expected. The physician exited Kylo Ren’s quarters, and a mere six minutes later breakfast was brought to the room.

Given what had occurred the previous night, you did not take a single bite until Kylo Ren had done so first. While the dishes were cleared by a droid, Kylo Ren put on his helmet and left. You sat there on the bed, the taste of breakfast still on your tongue. You were thankful that he had not sent you back to the cell. He had, after all, only promised you that last night he would not. You stood from the bed and walked over to the helmet of Darth Vader. It looked as though it had been burned, the metal warped and in a great state of ruin. You lifted a hand, your fingers hovering near the object though you did not quite touch it.

You had never touched it, not yet. Thus, when the tips of your fingers made contact, you jumped at the feel of it underneath your flesh. You released a shaky breath, a tingling sensation traveling along the back of your neck. You felt as though you were dreaming. Not necessarily a nightmare. Alone in a room with the helmet of one of the most feared individuals of the galaxy. The metal was cool to the touch.

This was the mask of the man who had sired General Organa. When this fact had been discovered, many in the New Republic had acted in almost an outrage. They questioned her credibility. The sins of the father, you noted mentally. You swallowed thickly and lifted the old relic, cradling it in your arms and carrying it back to the bed. You curled up on the mattress, the helmet of Darth Vader resting against your stomach with your hand set atop it. Your other arm was curled under your head.

You jumped at the sound of the door opening an indeterminate amount of time later. You looked over your shoulder at the man, who was stomping inside. His hands were in fists at his side. He paused for half a beat, the visor of his helmet pointed at the now empty table on which the relic normally sat. Kylo Ren strode over to it, his entire body screaming _will kill you_ to anyone who dared breathe wrong. There was something dangerous about him, and you remained perfectly silent in the hopes that he would not remember you were present. Kylo Ren turned sharply with his torso alone, his fists tightening as he stared at you.

“I…” You choked on your words, flinching and subconsciously tugging the helmet of Vader closer to your body. He turned now with his feet as well, walking to you. His steps were less angry, however no less predatory. You curled up all the more, your legs and hand clutching the object of the man’s grandfather.

“You wanted something to hold onto,” he stated, his modulated voice deeper than his real voice, the voice you were more accustomed to hearing. His helmet turned as he appeared to trail his gaze from your head to your feet. Kylo Ren looked once more to the helmet you were clasping. “Tooke.” You knew well _why_ he called you that name, had known since the first time he had uttered it. “She was from there as well. And he was, too.” You knew the _he_ that Kylo Ren spoke of referred to Emperor Palpatine. He had been from Naboo, your birth planet. But the she—that had you furrowing your brow. It took you nearly a minute to remember his maternal grandmother. “It was sentiment that was the downfall of the Empire. Sentiment that led to her death.”

“I…may be sentimental for wanting to hold onto something,” you said softly, “but… _You_ have this.”

“A reminder.” He reached forward, and you thought for a moment his intention was to pluck the helmet out from your grasp. Instead, Kylo Ren set three of his gloved fingers to your wrist. “You feared to touch yourself, tooke, and I saw why that was.” The muscle in your arm spasmed, causing the limb to twitch under his touch. “There was no _real_ reason to fear it. Merely words, admonitions against doing so.” He chuckled. “Ironically, I think those who spoke such words, some of them did so. They made you too embarrassed to become comfortable with your own body. _Lied_ to you. Something so…simple.”

Kylo Ren trailed his fingers down so that he was able to grab hold of the helmet you were clutching. It was with great reluctance that you relinquished your grip on it. He pulled the object of his grandfather out of your hands, turned, and returned it to its proper place.

“That doesn’t mean they didn’t love me,” you whispered, regarding his former statements.

The man stood with his back to you. You could see that he was staring at the helmet. “That won’t ever negate their lies, will it?” You did not reply to this, not knowing what to say. It would not change the lies, their opposing views, their refusal to accept an urge you had always understood to be, deep down, natural. It was such a simple thing, this was true.

“I don’t think she lied about it to hurt you,” you said, your eyes shifting from the man’s back to the helmet he was also looking at. “I… I get that it doesn’t make it…right, but… I don’t understand how you can… How can you kill so…easily? It’s _not_ simple.” He sighed, once more walking to the edge of the bed. Kylo Ren reached towards you again, this time slipping his hand into yours. He did not close his fingers around you, simply allowed his limb to remain there. Your fingers twitched before you reluctantly grasped at the leather-clad hand.

Kylo Ren pulled you to your feet, drawing you off the bed and onto the ground in front of him. “It isn’t always easy to do the right thing,” he stated.

“But you aren’t…” You trailed off, realizing that, really, it came down to perspective. Which frustrated you immeasurably. “I don’t agree with the First Order. I _never_ will. What you’re offering is tyranny. The Empire tried that, and—“

“And the Republic tried, and failed, as well. Your arguments are invalidated by their very nature. The things you state in opposition to the First Order, the New Republic is plenty guilty of as well.”

“Not everything,” you insisted.

“You know so little.”

You scoffed. “Whatever _you_ know is no less secondhand information than what I’ve been given.”

“I will concede that point, tooke,” Kylo Ren said, silencing you. “Still… You cannot deny that the New Republic is flawed. Why would you require a _Resistance_ if it was not?” Again, you had no argument.

“I will never agree with your methods.” You looked at your hand, still held in his—still holding his. “I see no honor in them. Ruling with fear… I _hate_ the position you have me in. This is _not_ living. I’m simply slowly dying each day. You’re _merciless_.”

“And you—I should assume _you_ would show your enemy mercy?” The taunting tone he took on was only amplified by the vocoder through which he was speaking.

“I wouldn’t deny my enemy their dignity,” you said in return.

Kylo Ren tilted his head to the side. “Perhaps you are more honorable than your comrades. But I do not think you would be so weak.” You flinched. It was true that, if given the chance, some of the Resistance members would employ cruel tactics with which to interrogate a First Order officer. War, you reminded yourself yet again, was ugly. “I have offered you mercy, tooke. You deny it so often. You reject my offer to be treated as a guest. Insist you are a prisoner, act unruly so that I have no choice but to treat you as such. These are _your_ actions, tooke. Your decisions. You cannot blame your enemy for things _you_ choose to do. I am no mere scapegoat.”

“I won’t…let you defeat me with some _mockery_ of kindness and civility,” you said, your voice cracking. You could not deny that he was wearing you down emotionally. Isolating you as he had, you had developed _something_ with him. A connection that was neither pleasant nor unpleasant. It was simply there, a mixture of both comfort and discomfort. Your grip on his hand tightened. You had to hold onto something, anything, to remind yourself that this was all real. “I won’t betray my comrades to you—any of them. Anything I can keep from you… I won’t…”

“You wish my parentage was different,” he stated, chuckling in dry amusement. “Oh, tooke.” You placed your free hand over your mouth to muffle a sob. It _did_ bother you that this was the son of your general. It always would. Though you could compartmentalize when it came down to it, though you were still willing to kill him, you knew the pain that would be inflicted on the woman you had sworn to follow. It was not just the cause you supported. General Organa herself had inspired you. The Huttslayer, a strong woman. This was a reason you had decided to put off having a family when you joined the Resistance; fearing that your loved ones, a husband or a child, would be killed… It was the ultimate weakness; that much, Kylo Ren had never lied about. Sentiment _was_ a weakness. You knew more though; you knew it was a double-edged sword. A weakness, yes; but also a strength.

He brushed back some of the hair from your face, his knuckles grazing your forehead. Then he set his palm to the side of your head. You realized too late what he was doing; he was already worming his way inside your head, digging through the line that connected sentiment with the first time you become emotionally attached to the Resistance cause. You tried to throw up walls, which were thrust aside by tendrils of pain he sent your way. You screamed, trying to wrench your hand out of his, which clamped down more tightly. You used your other limb, however, to grab at his wrist. You were screaming loudly, your throat feeling as though it was being ripped.

“They would use similar bases for training, tooke. The Resistance is always moving but—I see it, tooke,” he said, brushing his thumb along the back of your hand as he clasped onto the various planets and terrains on which you trained. The two sister cells would have likely used those places as well, you knew. All he had to do now was have the First Order look through logs to see which ships had been there, anything of suspicion further investigated. He removed his hand from your head, breaking away from your mind.

You thrust yourself at him, head-butting him in the chest. He hardly grunted, however you immediately developed something of a headache. You had nearly forgotten that the clothing he wore was armor. At the same time, you did not let this distract you for long. Your hand still captive in his, your movements were limited. You brought your knee up between his legs, aiming for what you knew to be a very sensitive spot. Kylo Ren simply swiped a foot against the leg that was still on the ground. This caused you to lose your footing. You slipped, and he released your hand so that you fell to the floor, your head hitting the hard surface so that you saw spots of red and black. You instantly stilled, bile rising in your throat.

Kylo Ren stepped over you, and you listened to the echoes of his footfalls as he exited his quarters again. He had gotten what he had come back for. And you… You reached behind your head, wincing and then drawing your hand back to your face. Blood stained your fingertips.

Feeling another sob wrack your frame, you slowly rolled onto your hands and knees. You crawled to the wardrobe, dressed yourself in the warmer clothes that were intended for when you were locked away in your cell, and then crawled to the door. You placed your palms to the wall. It took you quite some time to work your way into a standing position. You were dizzy, nausea coming at you in waves. You reached for the button, pressing and holding it down until the doors opened.

As you had expected, there were Stormtroopers down the hallways, however they all were facing away from you. You rounded the corner of Kylo Ren’s door, using your hand as a guide against the wall, and shuffled down a corridor down which you saw no troopers. The base was carved into the planet’s surface. Stone mixed with metal. You recognized some of these features from all the times you had been led to your cell. This was a different path, though. Unfamiliar ground, which caused you to be ever-more cautious.

Perhaps due to the fact that you were anemic, the blow to your head had more of an impact than you had thought. You could see a door to the outside when you pitched forward, vomiting on the ground. You collapsed onto your hands and knees. The liquid of the vomit trailed to your hands, coating your gloves. You could feel the warmth through the material, yet hardly had time to dwell on the disgust that bubbled in you before you were throwing up again.

The noises of you getting sick alerted one of the ‘troopers making his rounds to your presence. He swore, and you could hear him talking into his headset. Calling for a medic, stating something about ‘Lord Ren’s prisoner’. From his position behind you, he could see the wound to your head, and he commented on the blood. You heard the response, that a physician had already been on his way to Kylo Ren’s quarters. You wrinkled your nose at the knowledge that your captor had to have been the one to send for the physician after he had caused you to hit your head.

You knew the moment Kylo Ren had drawn close to your location. You could _hear_ his footsteps, which sounded much like they had when he had noticed the missing helmet. You seized the blaster from the Stormtrooper who was at your side. He had not expected the action, nor that you would slam the butt of the weapon into the face of his helmet. You turned, clicked the weapon to _kill_ and fired the moment Kylo Ren stepped into view. He held up a hand, the blast stopping mere inches from his face. You fired off a second shot before the Force took grip of you. This shot was deflected by his lightsaber, which he had grabbed at the sound of the first and activated.

Your vision alternated between blurring and doubling. Kylo Ren stepped around the blast that was suspended in the air. You narrowed your eyes at him. The plasma blade of his saber hummed with power. The red glow of it highlighted the area around the two of you. The stormtrooper, who had started to stand after regaining his full senses, kept in a low crouch. His stance showed he was ready to listen to anything Kylo Ren said to him, showed that he feared death for his failure.

The darkly clad man snatched the blaster from you and shoved it back into the arms of the ‘trooper, whom he dismissed. As the Stormtrooper scrambled away, Kylo Ren kept his mask pointed your way. “You have learned nothing, tooke.” You continued to glare at him. His hand found yours, and your glare faltered into a look of horror when he isolated your three fingers away from your thumb and pinky. “This will hurt,” he promised. You were handed control of your body just as he applied pressure to your digits. You screamed in agony as he broke the bones in your fingers. The pain, coupled with your previous injury, caused you to pass out.

You imagined he must have leaned down and scooped you up, for you woke up cradled in his arms right as the door to his quarters was opening. The physician was waiting for you, all necessary materials set on two trays beside the bed. “If you could hold her still…” Kylo Ren moved onto the bed, situating you between his outstretched legs. You, still very dizzy, set down your hand to steady yourself. Only to scream and cry out in pain as you put pressure onto your three broken digits. Having no doubt noticed your newest injuries, the physician picked up his commlink and called for items with which to stabilize your fingers. He then started to move aside your hair in order to get a better look at your head wound. “Humm… It doesn’t appear to need stitches.” You winced and hissed as he pressed around the wound, testing the flesh. “She was vomiting, I hear?”

“Yes,” Kylo Ren said, cupping your wrist so that you did not again place weight onto your broken bones.

“Look my way,” the physician said, clicking on a light, which he shined into your eyes. “Definitely a concussion. She should be kept under observation.” A second physician entered with the materials for your fingers. “I would… Lord Ren, I think it best if… If either she is transferred to the medical ward, or else either myself or another physician remain here during the observations.”

“You may remain here,” Kylo Ren said, as though it were not an issue. You flinched, crying while your fingers were tended to. The physician used a small machine, which took the X-rays. Minor breaks, he declared. Nothing that required surgery. Your fingers were bound so that you could not move them. Not that you wanted to.

“No NSAID medications for the time being…” He glanced to your fingers. “We’ll be sure to ice those to keep the swelling down.” As he spoke, the physician withdrew what appeared to be acetaminophen, which he passed to Kylo Ren along with a drink that had a straw. The pills were placed in your mouth, followed by the straw. You swallowed, feeling a fresh wave of nausea that caused you to gag. You managed, however, to keep the pills down.

You were stripped out of some of the layers of your clothing, which were set on the ground where your gloves had previously been discarded, and then tucked into bed. You laid on your side so that you did not sleep on your wound, which had been cleaned by the physician. Kylo Ren was seated behind you. You felt his eyes traveling along you, and you wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. Yet your throbbing fingers kept you silent, save for your continued sobs and whimpers.

Instead of leaving you again, you heard Kylo Ren’s voice as he spoke over the commlink to a person by the name of Captain Phasma. He gave the list of the planets he had taken from your head. You felt fresh tears spilling out of your eyes. He set aside the communications device, and remained with you. When at last you could stay silent no longer, you said:

“Go _away_ , **creature**.”

You felt him stiffen. Could hear what was almost a sharp intake of breath before the mattress rocked as he rose to his feet. He stormed out of the room. Before the door closed, you heard the lightsaber activating. Once it had closed, new noises rang into your ear. The sounds of him slicing through the walls across the hall. You felt cold, shivering and squeezing your eyes closed. He had been so _calm_ when he had hurt you. Even when he had retaliated against you when you had tried to pour ashes down his throat, he had never sounded so out of control, so enveloped in his anger as he did right then. Shouts of frustration, distorted by his mask and hardly drowned out by the acts of destruction he was committing.

You had never realized you could be so afraid of someone before.

_Listen to your mother, sweet child,  
The night will fade into the day;  
Listen to your father, dear one,  
All the nightmares chased away._


	9. NINE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being patient with this fic. Given how personal it is for me, there are things within it that can, in a way, be compared to some of my own personal demons. Going through so much, I did not have the strength to look through them again. I had to work on myself more than anything. I am better, where I can work on this here and there once more. I will attempt to do what I can to give a few quicker updates because of the delay. Hope you enjoy.

** Three Blind Tooke   
_Part One: Resistance is Futile_ **

Chapter Nine: Monster by Fate

_As a child, you were told of heroes; adulthood came, and you learned they were not extraordinary. They were simply strong enough to make the right choices_

The physician awoke you at intermittent intervals. Each time, you asked his name; and each time, you forgot before falling asleep. When you woke up for perhaps the eighth time, you remained conscious for longer than ten minutes. You stared around at your surroundings, asked once more what the physician’s name was. Urvno repeated it again, sounding patient as ever. You had been given another blanket, which was due to the temperature dropping. You smoothed out some of the creases in the material, and looked from the helmet of Vader to the chair. It was empty. You slowly slipped up so that your back was supported by the headboard. Kylo Ren was nowhere in the room. You strained to listen, seeing if you could hear him in the refresher. Nothing.

Urvno offered you more pain medication as well as a small drink. You accepted these gratefully, unable to use your predominate hand due to three of its fingers being broken. You put the pills in your mouth, took the drink, and downed both the fluid and medication. As he accepted the cup back from you, you asked Urvno where your captor was. Your exact words were: Where is he?

He responded with the simple answer of _away_. He remained away, and Urvno remained with you, for eight days. The physician took breaks here and there, and the door to Kylo Ren’s quarters was locked, trapping you inside. When the door did open, and when you had expected to see Urvno but instead took in the sight of your captor, you felt your heart hiccup. Aside from assuring that you were medically sound, Urvno had refused to partake in any sort of conversation with you. You knew this to be due to his orders, due to Kylo Ren’s wishes to keep you isolated, desperate for interaction—for him.

Kylo Ren was carrying a thermos in his hand, which he handed to you when he arrived at the bed. You reached for it with your good hand, using the heel of your injured hand to help keep it stable after drawing the thermos closer to yourself. You tilted it a little, looking at the brown liquid that could be seen through the parted lip. Some steam erupted, however not enough to indicate it was too hot to drink. You blew on it all the same, set the edge of the lid to your lips, and took a sip. Your favorite flavor of cocoa. It warmed your body with a single sip, which is all you had taken before lowering the cup. You stared at the thermos while enduring Kylo Ren’s gaze. His hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides, as though he were waiting for something. As though he was nervous—his humanity threw you off guard; it truly was your weakness, and you did not wish for him to be able to properly use it against you again, did not want him to be able to pry more information from your mind.

Now that you knew of the anger of which he was capable, you were too afraid to pass him back the thermos, to reject the drink due to the fact that it likely represented what could pass as an apology for his actions. Not that you believed he felt poorly of his decision to break your fingers. It was likely the concussion he regretted if anything; he had, after all, sent for a physician right away. Or perhaps it was not an apology at all. It could have been nothing more than a bribe, to trick you into no longer referring to him as _creature_.

You lifted the rim of the lid to your lips again, taking another drink of the warm liquid. Kylo Ren straightened the slightest bit; you had not even noticed he had started to slouch until that moment. The actions reminded you of a pet seeking approval after having done something naughty. Perhaps it had bitten its owner. Animals could be unpredictable—why would you think of him as anything other than a creature? Your gaze slid to your broken fingers, which were on the mend. You did not to take medication for the pain as frequently. As for your concussion, you had healed from it though you occasionally experienced minor symptoms. Those, too, were lessening with time. Urvno assured you that you would return to normal health soon. You had stared at him with a deep frown when he had said that. _Nothing_ was normal anymore. Or else it _was_ normal, the new normal, and you wished things would become unusual instead.

In his attempt to placate you with the cocoa, Kylo Ren also behaved…you could not put your finger on the word. Unsure of himself—cautious? Calculating, perhaps. He was still standing at the bedside and watching you.

“Are you waiting until my defenses are down to tell me that you located the other two splinter cells?” you snapped irritably. He stood there without answering. You scrunched up your face and held the thermos out to him. Kylo Ren accepted the item without comment, placed it on the bedside table, and then faced you once more. You drew your knees towards your chest, wrapped your arms around your legs, and glowered at the wall across from you.

Kylo Ren moved at long last, walking around the bed and to the helmet of Darth Vader. This he lifted. You blinked your eyes tiredly, a swear leaving your lips. He had drugged you. Acts of human kindness really _were_ your weakness. You stretched out your legs and awkwardly moved off the bed. Holding the helmet in one hand, Kylo Ren rounded the bed again to still you with his other limb. He placed it atop your head, preventing you from moving in any direction. You would not necessarily lose consciousness with the drug that had been given to you. It kept you docile, sluggish.

“Are you moving me off of Starkiller?” you mumbled, not struggling against either him or the drug.

“Yes,” the man answered you while withdrawing his hand from your person now that he knew you would behave. “Urvno will join us. You seem to listen well to his advice.” He was offering you the only semblance of comfort he could. A somewhat familiar face. “Do you plan on walking, or shall I be forced to carry you?” You blinked three times in rapid succession whilst releasing a hum of thought. As much as you did not want to admit it, you would not be as stable on your feet as you desired. This could lead to you accidentally attempting to use your injured hand for support should you stumble. You clenched your jaw and glanced up at Kylo Ren with a sour expression.

He readjusted his grip on the helmet so that it was once more in his hands. The man then scooped you up into his arms. You turned your face away from him, very perturbed that you were in this situation. As he carried you out of his quarters, you glanced back at the thermos. Despite it carrying a drug, the cocoa had been good; much more flavorful than the plain drinks you had been being given. It had nearly reminded you of when you had trained for colder elements with your comrades.

Kylo Ren carried you through portions of Starkiller you had not yet seen. More stone and metal. Traces of ice here and there as well. You cuddled closer to him, the cold causing your teeth to begin clattering together. You were more than thankful that you were leaving Starkiller, although you were apprehensive as to where, exactly, he was taking you. You had been away from the Resistance for over two months now. Your allies all believed you to be dead. It wasn’t far off from the truth. You sniffled a little as Kylo Ren boarded his Command Shuttle with you. You heard the pilot and copilot referring to it as the Limo.

Urvno was already aboard the Limo. You glanced his way as Kylo Ren set you down in the seat beside his. You did not struggle or protest when he buckled you in. No one said much at all, in fact, during the entire trip. You stared at various components of the shuttle, and eventually dosed off for part of the journey.

When you opened your eyes, the shuttle was approaching—your stomach dropped at the sight of the Star Destroyer. It was not something from which you could escape. You suddenly felt more helpless than you had since you had first been captured. You rested your head against the back of the chair, fighting off the urge to cry as the Command Shuttle arrived in the docking bay of the Star Destroyer.

The door opened, and you glanced towards the entrance. Then did a double-take. That cold feeling that had traveled through your body at the sight of the Star Destroyer returned with more strength. You _recognized_ the man standing there. General Hux. He was notorious amongst the Resistance. A merciless man, whose icy stare landed on you.

“Have you discovered anything further?” General Hux asked, addressing Kylo Ren. The darkly robed man had freed himself from the seatbelt and also removed yours. He did not answer the red haired man immediately, opting instead to pull you to your feet and direct you towards the exit. General Hux stepped to the side to keep you from crashing into him. He stared at you with a sneer. “It is pertinent that we know if hers was the first splinter cell or not.”

“You will have your information in time,” Kylo Ren said, that cold mask of his turning to regard the general.

“In the meantime, Ren, see to it that she is properly restrained.” He turned on his heel and proceeded to walk away.

Kylo Ren did nothing to stop the officer who had been standing near the general from stepping closer to you. The man bound your wrists in restraints, a small gap between your arms due to the thick bar of the cuffs. The officer stepped away and, like General Hux, also left. Urvno stepped off the Command Shuttle and strode away, presumably to medbay.

A stormtrooper approached when motioned by your captor. The ‘trooper was instructed to take you to Kylo Ren’s quarters. The man—perhaps woman, but you did not know for certain either way—nodded, set his blaster to stun, and proceeded to do as he had been told. You did not struggle, a bit too shell shocked to even think of doing so. If you could find a way to blow up this entire ship, you would take out a good chunk of the First Order’s leadership, not to mention assist the Resistance a great deal. You doubted this was a feat you could accomplish. There were too many guards. Not to mention the fact that Kylo Ren himself was keeping you close nearly all the time.

Kylo Ren’s quarters aboard the Star Destroyer were perhaps even more depressing than all the others despite the lack of any canister of ashes. A chair, a bed, a small table on which he could place Darth Vader’s helmet, and a wardrobe that was smaller than his previous ones. Your eyes darted towards the bed. No bedside tables. The stormtrooper was not distracted by such details in the least, ushering you to the bed and setting you there. He punched in a code at the door, shielding the sight of it from you with his body, and then left. Locked in, you sighed and stared at the nothing-to-do-here room.

With your arms bound as they were, it was not as though you were left with much ability to workout as you had in the past. Still, you knew there were at least _some_ exercises left to you. You slid off the bed, lowered yourself to the ground, and started to do them. When you grew sore, you maneuvered yourself back onto the bed and curled up there. Aside from using the refresher—which was an experience in itself with your arms bound and one hand with three broken fingers—you remained there for what you could only assume was the remainder of the waking cycle.

No food was brought to you. Your stomach growled noisily, and you hushed it while cursing your dependence on the First Order for nutrients. It took you quite some time, however you managed to fall asleep despite your growling stomach.

What awoke you in the middle of the night was the light hisses of a whisper. You looked towards the cause of the susurrations, eyeing him quietly from your spot on the bed. Kylo Ren was seated at the very edge of the chair, his body and head pointed towards the helmet of Darth Vader. You could not tell exactly what he was saying. That he was talking to an inanimate object, however, caused your heart to throb. You did not want to have pity for the creature that Ben Solo had become. Yet General Organa’s son had to have been utterly _lost_ for him to be sitting there speaking to the relic of the fallen Lord Vader.

The angle of his body reminded you of youth. It was awkward, unsure. Quite unlike the man who had forced you into his bed, who had killed so many of your comrades.

The whispers died away; Kylo Ren’s chin dipped almost imperceptibly, and you knew he was aware that you had awoken, that you had been watching him. You waited, holding your breath, to see what he would do. He rose from the chair and, without ever fully looking your way, exited his quarters.

You stared at the door. It bothered you that you felt a tug, that you felt _lonely_ and wanted _him_ there in bed with you. Not touching you, simply near you. His presence itself. Your stomach once more made known your hunger. Yet another reason you wanted him to return. Perhaps he would feed you if he realized your current state.

You spent the rest of the sleep cycle alone. Breakfast was brought to you by a ‘trooper. He handed you the food as well as the vitamin you were to take. Given that you were still bound, he waited until you were finished eating—at times assisting you in taking bites—before leaving. Not long thereafter, another stormtrooper came to retrieve you. He escorted you out of Kylo Ren’s quarters. You did not struggle in the least. There were ‘troopers and offices everywhere. Not to mention the fact that you weren’t a pilot, so escape was impossible. And you would need plenty of time to mess with their systems in order to do any real damage; time that you did not have and would not be granted.

The stormtrooper took you to an interrogation room. You recognized the table to which you would be chained from the holoprojection Kylo Ren had watched when he had pinned you down. The restraints from your wrists were removed, only for you to be affixed to the table. The ‘trooper also hooked you up to a device that displayed your vitals. As the stormtrooper was finishing with his tasks, General Hux strode into the room. The heart monitor displayed the alteration, bringing a smirk to the redhead’s lips.

“It appears my reputation precedes me,” he said conversationally. You narrowed your eyes in suspicion. You knew what he wanted; he had questioned Kylo Ren about it the previous day. “I am told you’re rather stubborn when it comes to divulging information.” His hands, which were previously crossed behind his back, came towards you. He used one to lift part of the front of your shirt. His other hand traced along the scar from where Kylo Ren had pierced you with his lightsaber. “I have heard of your attempted escapes, of the way you were able to obtain a blaster and fire at Ren. He allowed you far too many liberties.”

“You believe you can do better?” you asked, watching his every move, feeling his gloved fingertips on your flesh. His gaze jerked up to your face, however he said nothing and revealed nothing in his expression. You waited several seconds before saying, “You aren’t here to interrogate me.”

“You’re Ren’s prisoner, that is understood.” His touch at last left you. You swallowed thickly. “It simply occurred to me that I had failed to welcome you aboard the _Finalizer_.”

“What a gaudy name,” you bit out. His lips quirked up; General Hux gave you a wry grin that had you averting your gaze. The door to the interrogation room opened. Kylo Ren entered, hardly glancing the redhead’s way. He walked directly to you, silently assessing you. You stared at his boots while attempting to throw up your mental walls. He set a hand to your head, and you started screaming as you felt him invading your mind. It felt as though he was digging around, every so often sending sharp tendrils into you that caused your brain to register pain.

“We do have the logs that show which ships the Resistance preferred when sending the cells to train,” General Hux drawled. Your mind flashed to the shuttles despite your want to keep any such information away. Kylo Ren shifted a step closer, seeing whatever you thought. Being deprived of conversation, most cues from a person other than the Knight himself sparked memories that you could not keep out of Ren’s reach. “Such similar models. Ones hardly anyone would question. Were they stolen?”

All at once, Kylo Ren jerked his hand away from you. You screamed in frustration, struggling against your restraints. He turned on his heel, walking out of the room. General Hux followed him without another word to you. Squeezing your eyes closed, you cursed yourself, your treacherous mind for having given away the identification number of your ship. Not the false one that was uploaded for in case anyone tried to contact it. The real one; the one that was on the official logs of the New Republic and Resistance. The one that would allow them to see when _you_ had trained, for them to know if the two sister cells had journeyed to the planets before or after you. It gave them a better starting point to hunt down more of your allies. You sobbed, slamming your head back against the table and screaming out profanities.

It was not long before Urvno intruded in on your fit of rage. You sobered somewhat, your eyes darting directly to what was in his hands. A catheter, which you knew indicated they planned on keeping you strapped to the table for longer. Your face flushed with indignation as Urvno inserted the catheter. You felt yourself crying quietly, shaking your head and cursing the First Order. The physician did not speak much to you, except to explain what he was doing. He had good bedside manner, you had to give him that despite being aligned with the enemy.

Three days before Urvno returned to remove the catheter completely. A stormtrooper entered the room after him, unhooked you from the table, and led you to a secluded place where you were hosed down much as you had been in the past. The clothing you were given this time was gray. It reminded you of the uniforms the technicians you had passed by on the ship wore. You grimaced as you tugged on the clothing, your still-healing hand not much help. Urvno met you in one of the corridors, where he unwrapped your fingers. You winced a bit as he touched them, however the pain was nothing in comparison to how badly it had felt in the past. He hummed, stating that they seemed to be healing well. He left them out of their bindings for the time being, mentioning that he wanted to let your skin breathe. You could see why. It was rather slimy looking. Urvno cautioned you to refrain from doing much with the fingers still, though he would later x-ray the bones to see when he wanted you to begin small exercises.

The physician walked away after a nod in the direction of the ‘trooper that was escorting you to—you really did not know where. You would have assumed back to the interrogation room, your newest cell, however the corridor he turned you down was not one you had walked down before. As you were led forward, something dark caught your attention. It was a familiar shape in the corner of your eye. You paused, turning your head. The stormtrooper hesitated, no doubt also aware of Kylo Ren’s presence. The Knight’s back was to the pair of you. He was gazing out one of the many windows of the Star Destroyer. Star gazing, you realized, a bit startled.

You turned on your feet, yet did not move closer. The ‘trooper tensed, and you could hear his sharp inhale when Kylo Ren turned his head to the side. He did not look over his shoulder completely, yet still the Knight showed that he was aware of your presence. It took another three seconds, however at last the man made a gesture with his hand that the stormtrooper appeared to recognize. He walked around you and away. You remained in the hallway, your gaze on your captor.

Kylo Ren returned his gaze to the stars. You were aware that he could keep track of you with the Force. Likewise, he could stop you in an instant with that same power should you attempt to walk away. You took a step closer in his direction. No reaction.

“How long until I die?” you asked. It seemed as though you had posed this question to him a million times. As always, he never answered it. You released a light growl of frustration before closing the distance between the two of you. You were standing at his side, watching both your reflection and his in the glass. The stars filtered in and out of your vision, however your focus remained predominately on the man. “Do you get bored with me? Is that why you ignore me?” You wondered if he was even listening to you. “Creature?” His hand twitched then slowly clenched into a fist. Kylo Ren did not verbally respond to you.

You grit your teeth and stepped around so that you were facing him straight on. Alas, he was taller than you and simply continued to stare out at the stars. You wanted to hit him more than anything. Yet you knew there would be severe consequences to those actions. So, instead, you turned and stared out the window as well. He took a step closer, your back flush with his body. You relaxed against him, thankful for some semblance of human contact that wasn’t simply another reminder that you were a prisoner. If you closed your eyes right then, you could pretend you were home. You did not close your eyes, though. Your attention was once more on the reflection in the glass.

Kylo Ren soon set his hands on your hips, pushing down your pants. You said and did nothing, still watching the glass. When your panties were removed as well, you felt blood rushing to your face. His hands disappeared for a moment behind you, and you could hear him adjusting his robes and freeing himself from the confines of his pants. Your breath hitched when Kylo Ren used his feet to nudge aside yours, spreading your legs. He placed his hands on your hips again, tilting you back and exposing your cunt. He dropped a hand towards your pussy, spreading your lips so that you could see everything in full detail. Your lips parted and your eyebrows rose. He positioned himself at your entrance and started to push up inside.

Your face was hotter than ever as you watched this all in the reflection. Every minute detail, the way your body opened up for him. You finally had to turn your gaze towards the side. He chuckled, pushing up into you entirely. You were wetter for him than you had ever been, the view having been an erotic sight you had never previously observed. Kylo Ren groaned out his approval. He set his mouth near your ear, the vocoder once more making his voice deeper.

“Look how well you swallow me, tooke,” he moaned out whilst rolling his hips. It was with a wet noise that your body welcomed his, your juices slicking his cock. Your eyes betrayed you, darting for half a second to the glass. That was all that was needed, however. You had seen _exactly_ what he was talking about. “Mm…do you miss this, tooke?” You swallowed thickly, trying to will away your arousal. The fingers that were keeping your outer lips parted for him started to rub you, up and down in time with the thrusts he had started. Two more thrusts then his hips stilled. You whimpered, hating yourself for that pathetic, needy noise.

 _He’s my enemy,_ you reminded yourself. Your enemy bucked up into your wet cunt, and your body betrayed you further as it met his thrust halfway. Both of you groaned.

Footsteps entered your ears. Your heart raced, drumming loudly in your ears. Kylo Ren rocked into you, ignoring the stormtrooper that was making his rounds; said man quickly hurried forward, apparently unsure how to react at the sight of Kylo Ren fucking you. Your inner walls clenched around him as the adrenaline of being caught in your current state proved to increase your arousal.

 _He’s my enemy!_ you repeated as he hooked his mask against your neck, nuzzling you. You gulped down air at the display of affection. You had known for some time that his interest in you was only increasing—for reasons you did not know, nor did you care to. A part of you wondered if he even knew what he was doing, if he understood his actions.

Your thoughts were distracted when he hooked both of his arms under your legs, holding them apart. You were forced to lean back into him to keep from falling. This only proved to allow for a better sight of his cock disappearing into your body. “Oh, fuck,” you whimpered, tears pricking at your eyes at the intense sensations coursing through your body.

“You still have such a tight pussy for me, tooke,” he moaned against you. Your body tugged at his cock, drawing it in further. You sucked in your bottom lip, your teeth pressing down on it as you threw your head back, hitting it against his shoulder.

 _He’s my enemy, damn it!_ He felt so fucking good in you.

“Fuck, you’re so wet.” You could not tear your eyes away from the sight presented to you in the glass. Your juices were running down his cock, slicking it and making it shine. Your nipples hardened at the sight. You knew he was watching the reflection as well. When he picked up his pace, your eyelids fluttered repeatedly.

“Nnn…shit…fuck…mmm…” You gulped in air again and tried to silence yourself. But then he was moving even faster, his cock throbbing inside of you, your vaginal walls pulsating around him. “Yes!” Encouraged by your shout, which you mentally cursed yourself for, he moved one of his arms so that your leg was still held up in the crook of his arm while his fingers found your clit. He was stroking something inside of you that had you panting then greedily gulping in air as you tried to regulate your breathing. Blood roared in your ears, and you arched as you came, squirting and cumming around him. He did not stop moving within you, which caused your body to practically convulse as wave after wave of intense pleasure hit you throughout orgasm.

“You like that, tooke?” he asked breathily.

“Nnyeah. Mmm…yeah.” _Shut up, shut up, shut up!_

“You want me to fuck your throat while you cum again?”

“Oh, stars.” Your mouth was open in a large _o_ as he pulled you off his cock and lowered you onto the ground. Your vaginal walls were clenching around nothing, your open mouth soon filled with his length. He wasted no time in fucking your face, his hands on either side of your head while he used the Force to stimulate your sensitive clit. And then it felt like something was inside of you as well. You whimpered, whining around him. The vibrations caused him to swear and throw his head back, his hot cum filling your mouth so that you were swallowing repeatedly around him. Your second orgasm hit you just as another stormtrooper passed the hallway. You could hear him drop his weapon, scramble to pick it up, and then go running, as though scared he had invoked Kylo Ren’s anger. Said Knight pulled out of your mouth when he had fully softened. “You’re so…oh…gnnn…oh, fuck.” You had to press your thighs tightly together as you shuddered. Then, after taking a deep breath, you tried again. “You’re deplorable.”

He laughed, tucked himself away, and then squatted in front of you. “Do you want those caps off your teeth, tooke?” Your eyelashes fluttered as you stared at him. You were grateful that he did not stoop to accusing you of flirting with him. “Hmm?”

“I won’t…make deals with you,” you said. Your bravado, however, was shattered when he thrust two fingers into your cunt. “Nnn…I hate you.” He paused in his actions then continued them a moment later. “You should hate me too.” Again his hand stilled. “You should hate me.”

“You don’t hate me, tooke.”

“I do.”

“No. You pity me. You miss me. You may want me dead, but that has more to do with what I _stand_ for. With what I support. You hate the First Order. But, tooke, you do not hate me personally.”

“You’ve tortured me—raped me, broken my fingers. I—“

“You’ve repeatedly attempted to kill me.” He raised his head, looking towards the window. “You didn’t push me away just now, tooke. A part of you wanted it.”

“N-no. I was caught off guard. I…” You blushed at the memory of how his cock had disappeared into your wet cunt. Kylo Ren resumed fucking you with his fingers.

“Tell me to stop,” he teased. You narrowed your eyes at him, feeling your body reacting. You were unable to tell him to stop, too busy choking down a sob as tears began to spill. Kylo Ren, all the same, withdrew his fingers from you and sighed. “Would you like those caps removed, tooke?”

“And give up _what_ in return?” you snapped, screaming at him with tears running down your face.

“You may not refer to me as ‘creature’.” You waited for more. But there was none.

You wished he were wrong, that you did hate him on a personal level. You despised the things he did, what he stood for. But he was right; you pitied him too much to hate him. And the fact that he did not hate you only worsened things. It only made you pity him more, because he was so willing to do something to _please_ you for the sake of you viewing him as a human. As himself, not some depraved creature. It forced you to remember that, once upon a time, he had been General Organa’s son. He had belonged to the light only to fall—and no one had caught him.

_And once upon a time,  
Those monsters were heroes.  
To sing, to laud—all in their name.  
But darkness chases after light,  
And the shadows of our judgment  
Enshrouded the heroes, drowning them._


	10. TEN

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Ten: Powers of Persuasion

_We hurt the ones we love;  
Can we love those who did the hurting?  
Maybe in another life,  
Or maybe when we’re done journeying._

Apparently your captor was no longer on speaking terms with you. You sighed, eyeing him as the man continued to sit in the chair and meditate. You had not exactly rejected his kind offer; your utterance of ‘I don’t know if I could ever stop calling you that completely’, however, had been a conversation stopper. You were only thankful that Kylo Ren had not had you escorted back to the interrogation room or a different cell. He had allowed you to instead follow him to his quarters, where you had climbed onto the bed. That had been nearly four hours ago. You watched him, the man not exactly acknowledging your presence even when you had risen and nudged the helmet of Darth Vader. At that point, you had lifted the object, carried it to the bed, and sat with it in your lap.

You tapped your fingers against the metallic surface. “Are you mad?” you asked him for the eighth time. Once more, no response. You blew some air towards your hair, causing it to move away from your eyes. “Are you not talking to me because you’re meditating, or are you ignoring me?” A few more minutes ticked by. “Hmm?” You heaved out a sigh and dropped your gaze to Vader’s helmet, which was pointed towards your face. “What do you think?” You started to make the Vader helmet move, using your hands to shake its ‘head’ up and down, as well as from side to side. You opened your mouth to speak for it when Kylo Ren forced himself up quickly. You flinched, the muscles in both your legs and arms tensing in apprehension.

The darkly robed man snatched Darth Vader’s helmet from you, stomped over to the small table on where it was supposed to be, and set it there. He then returned to the chair, dropping down and, with an annoyed huff, settled into a more comfortable position. Meditating again. Ignoring you again. You set your gaze on your hand, which was feeling better. Urvno had come into Ren’s quarters during your first hour of being ignored. He had taken x-rays, which revealed that your fingers were indeed healing quite nicely. He had then bound your fingers again, telling you that your movement would be restricted for roughly another two weeks if all went well.

You slipped off the bed again, your bare feet pattering along the floor as you made your way over to his chair. “Look… We’re enemies. I don’t think your feelings are—“

“I feel nothing,” he countered. Great. You knew that he had to be on some level emotionally detached from things, however you had seen him speaking with Vader’s helmet. Had heard his tantrum when you had called him creature after telling him to go away. He may have been emotionally detached from many things, however _you_ were not one of those things no matter how much he wanted to argue otherwise.

“Then why does it matter if I refer to you as ‘creature’ or not?” you shot, knowing it was probably in poor taste to argue. He waved you away. You, however, stood your ground. “ _Whatever_ it is, maybe you should just…” You had been about to utter out ‘treat me like any other prisoner’, yet remembered immediately that you did not want to be locked away in a cell. “…why?”

“You’re noisy.” He started to raise a hand, indicating he was going to mind trick you into obeying—probably being silent and sitting on the bed, if you had to guess.

“I’m trying to _kill_ you! Why would you… Why am I your fix? I’m _not_ naïve! I—“ You were silenced by his hand on your throat; Kylo Ren had risen to his feet quicker than you could react, his hand shooting out and seizing your neck. He squeezed, his thumb digging into your flesh on one side. A bruise was going to be there; whether or not you would be alive to suffer it was left to be discovered.

“Resistance _scum_ ,” he growled out, carrying you by the neck to the bed, which he slammed you onto. His grip only seemed to tighten. You felt your face heating up, your entire body growing hotter as your air supply was cut off. He ripped his hand away from you, his robes billowing as he stormed out of the room. You choked, coughing and wheezing while rolling onto your side. Your captor was not absent for long. When he returned, he had a bottle of water in his hand, and this he opened and held to your lips. You reached up with your uninjured hand, taking the bottle from him and drinking to soothe your throat.

While you drank, he started to raise his hands towards his helmet. His limbs paused when they were level with his chest. Kylo Ren stared at you for several moments. You watched him in return, observing as he lifted his hands further and undid the latches of his helmet. This he removed, allowing the heavy object to fall to the ground with a metallic _clunk_. His eyes were on your knees, and he did not once attempt to lift them to your face.

Not many in the Resistance had seen his face—at least, not since he had become Kylo Ren. A number of them did not know of his past name or identity. A mask on the battlefield. Yet he had shown his face to you, appeared to be attempting to humanize himself to you. You wondered if anyone else who had seen his face had continued to refer to him as a creature.

He was convinced that he was doing the right thing; committing atrocities for the sake of the greater good. The man did not know he was a monster, did not believe it. You couldn’t help but recall when he had claimed to know General Organa in another capacity, his statement that it had been disappointing. Leia Organa and Han Solo had not lived with one another in the normal sense. Their marriage, though official, to you seemed nominal. What had it been like to be their son? To your knowledge, he had not known that Darth Vader was his grandfather until after it had been let slip by a Centrist senator. Without his mask, to you, he looked broken. He could not even meet your eye; this man who had mere minutes ago had his hand around your throat. Perhaps he wasn’t even certain why he was drawn to you.

“Ren?” you whispered, your voice nearly catching in your sore throat. His lips parted then pressed together. Still he did not lift his eyes to your face. “Why don’t you hate me?”

“You’re misguided.” At last he raised his eyes, locking them with yours. “Blinded by their lies. I can show you.”

“No,” you said softly, your heart beginning to race. In his twisted mind, he believed he was offering to save you. It saddened you. Enough so that when he stepped closer, you didn’t even flinch; and when he gripped the back of your head and urged you to your feet while lowering his mouth onto yours, you did not protest or fight against him. You let him kiss you, his mouth working desperately against yours. Perhaps what wasn’t helping matters, what was breaking your resolve, was that his eyes had grown visibly moist at your response. His brow had furrowed, confusion etching his features. Hurt. _Rejection_. “They’ll never be lies. They aren’t… Those are my beliefs. You…” His lips were hovering near yours. “I would rather you killed me.”

He closed his mouth and swallowed before turning his head to the side. Kylo Ren raised his chin, shifted on his heel, and walked away from you. You felt wretched, realizing your wording. That you would rather die than be with him.

“We’re…enemies, Ren.”

“You’re my prisoner, tooke,” he said, his voice sounding thick though you could tell he was doing what he could to keep it level. “You’re no threat to me. Another means for gathering information…and then you’ll be disposed of.” You collapsed onto the bed, your wide eyes staring blankly ahead. It was what you had been asking for all along. Yet it was the way he had said it. Matter-of-factly. But there was that damn tinge of unmistakable betrayal as though _you_ had done something wrong.

“It’s…it’s not _you_ , cre-Ren. I don’t even know you. It’s the things you stand for. I will _never_ agree with the First Order. And, yes, I would rather die before I even considered doing so.” He paused mid-step. “If I don’t… If I can’t kill…you… How many more will you kill?”

“As many as necessary, tooke,” he said without hesitation.

“And that’s why I can’t allow it.”

“You can’t—?” A rich chuckle. “You’re powerless to stop me. You won’t interfere with the tasks given to me by Supreme Leader.” Kylo Ren turned back around, walking to you. His mood seemed to have improved, a fact that gave you mixed emotions. It really wasn’t personal. Still, you did not wish for him to succeed in his endeavors to crush the Resistance. He set his fingertips to your throat, tracing where he had hurt you. “You’re…interesting.”

“Why?”

He was quiet for a few seconds then at last admitted: “That is something I don’t know, tooke.” You watched him walk away from you and head to the chair. “Now quiet yourself.”

“I, uh, think it’s my job as a _prisoner_ to try to interrupt your concentration,” you said, feeling rather lightheaded. Your mind was flashing back to the sight of him moving in and out of you. To when he had impaled you with his lightsaber, nearly killing you. It nearly drove you mad; you still wanted to kill him for the Resistance…but your body was aching for him—for a form of human contact. Why, oh why, did he have to be vulnerable underneath it all? “You’ve…really complicated me.”

“You can fight against it.” Was he, your enemy, cheering you on?

You blinked then knit your brow. “You don’t…want to have…sex?” His eyes darted to you, running up and down your body. Kylo Ren’s lips parted and he released a sigh. “I just…need to hold something.” He gestured with his hand towards Darth Vader’s helmet. “You won’t… You won’t take it away this time, will you?”

“So long as you behave, you may hold it.”

“Th…thank you.” His jaw twitched. It was not a phrase he heard often, you realized. _How sad…_ “R-Ren?” Those brown orbs on your face. “I don’t… Why did… Why do you want _me_ to pull the trigger…if you find them?”

He chuckled, much as he had when you had insisted that you wouldn’t do so. “Metaphor.” You blushed, understanding that he was using _you_ as a basis for confirming the identities of the other two who had been trained as you had. They would not be killed immediately; they would be interrogated, broken. Every bit of information he was able to drag from you was a bullet that would be used against them, a way to injure their resolve and get them to crack.

Hours later, you had replaced Darth Vader’s helmet back on the table. It seemed to stare at you as you ran your tongue along your teeth. The caps had been removed, though unfortunately this had not occurred until after you had eaten dinner. You were lying in bed with Kylo Ren, whose back was to you. The two of you had hardly spoken since he had stopped meditating for the final time. You sighed and stopped pressing your tongue to your teeth. Turning onto your side, you stared at your captor’s head.

“When you were younger”—he stiffened a little—“did you ever pretend you had special powers?”

“Like…the Force?” he asked, scoffing at you.

You blinked. It had not occurred to you that he had had his abilities his entire life when you had asked the question. You bit down on your bottom lip, waited a few moments, and then spoke again. “Oh… No. I just meant… Well, when I was growing up…” When you trailed off, Kylo Ren started to turn his head, tilting it to listen to you. You swallowed. “I… Some of us kids used to pretend we each had a special power. You only got one. Invisibility. Healing. Uhm, I believe laser eyes was one.” You moistened your lips with your tongue. “It always varied. Some of the kids kept the same power every time we played, but… I picked different ones sometimes.

“One time… One time it was teleportation. And, like, we were playing a game of tag. So when someone tagged me… I said that they didn’t really, because I teleported away. One of the boys said I was cheating.”

“You were.”

“Well, maybe,” you said, smiling a little at the memory. “But another one of the kids said he had the ability to freeze people. He would point at them and they would be frozen for ten seconds. No one complained about his ability, even though it meant he got to tag whoever he wanted.” You sighed wistfully. “It’s really pretty on Naboo… I haven’t been there in years. Since before I joined the Resistance.”

“I…saw that.”

“Have you ever thought about flying?”

“We’re…aboard a Star Destroyer, tooke.”

You rolled your eyes. “I meant like a bird. Not on a ship. If you were able to fly without a ship—have you ever thought about that?” Kylo Ren turned over so that he was facing you. He did not answer, however he watched you with some interest. “I dream about it sometimes.”

“And then you lose your ability midway through the dream…you fall, or else struggle to relearn…but you never succeed.”

“Even when I was younger, it was like that,” you said, wondering exactly how much he had seen when digging in your mind all those times. You had thrown up walls, pointless childhood memories that would amount to nothing for the First Order. You hadn’t thought he would ever remember such seemingly pointless details. “Right now… I sort of feel like that… Like I was flying, but then…now I can’t. And I don’t know how to do it again. I watched my friends die even before I was captured. I knew one day, whether the Resistance won, or I died, or…anything… that one day things would change for me. I don’t think I ever fully planned for it though. I never expected this sort of result. Did…did you ever think things would be like this…for you?”

His breathing was so soft. If not for the fact that his eyes were open and still exploring various aspects of your face, you would have believed he had passed out. “No,” he replied. “Not quite like this.”

“It scares me,” you stated, feeling as though you had lifted a weight off your chest, only to set it directly on your stomach. Apprehension bubbled within you. Kylo Ren, your captor and the only person you had truly been able to speak with for quite some time—the only person to ever have been so privy to your thoughts, unwelcome or no—shifted his hand onto yours. You wrapped your fingers around his, holding onto him while adjusting your dominate hand into a more comfortable position. You waited for him to say it, to tease you, to ask if the Resistance was intimidated. Kylo Ren did not, which soon had you drawing your body closer to his and resting your forehead against his chest. You allowed your eyes to drift closed, and you eventually lost consciousness holding onto his hand.

In the middle of the sleep cycle, you awoke to the sensation of a hand slipping past the hem of your pants and cupping you. Your eyelids fluttered open, and you watched Kylo Ren in the dark. He was propped up on one elbow, his attention on the sheet that was covering your body and hiding his ministrations from view. His middle finger found your clit, which he nudged before sliding further along you. You shifted when you felt the digit prodding your entrance. Kylo Ren paused. He observed you for a number of seconds prior to moving his face closer to yours, his nose running along the side of your nose. It felt almost wet. Not snotty, however; you remained perfectly still at the realization that he had been crying, even if only for a moment.

“You can kiss me,” you whispered when he continued to refrain from touching you. His lips touched yours, however he did not fully kiss you. His breath mingled with yours. “What’s wrong?”

“This means nothing to you,” he said matter-of-factly.

“I don’t know… Maybe…” Kylo Ren tilted his head to the side, his nose brushing past yours again as he leaned into the pillow. “I would still kill you if given the chance… But… It’s okay if you kiss me.” He simply laid there without saying another word. “Something to hold onto…sort of.” You reached up with your good hand, touching the side of his face with the very tips of your fingers. “At first…you made it painful…with the lightsaber. Then it was just to embarrass and shame me. I hated it. But…then you started to…to see what I liked. I thought it was a trick.”

“Are you so sure it wasn’t?”

“You could have dug into my mind if you were doing it just to get my body to betray me. You did that a few times… We are enemies. That’s not going to change.” You sighed, climbing on top of him. His arms twitched, his hands finding your hips. “You didn’t have to remove the caps from my teeth…so…tonight…just tonight…you can kiss me…and I’ll kiss you back.”

Kylo Ren lifted his head, his mouth again finding yours. This time his lips sealed around yours, and you shyly responded. It was different than when you had kissed him as an excuse to dig your nails into his flesh. At that time, you had not pitied him, had truly viewed him as a vile creature. As nothing more than a monster. There was no love on your part, however there was a certain acceptance. As well as the knowledge that things, and this man, were more complex than you would have ever cared to admit. Not quite light and dark, black and white. You both believed you were doing the right thing despite being on opposite sides. His soft lips yielded to yours; Kylo Ren was allowing you to explore, which caused your heart to hiccup.

You pulled back, swallowing some of the saliva that had gathered in your mouth while also taking a breath. The hands on your hips shifted onto your lower back. He did not buck against you. Nothing overtly sexual as it had always been in the past. Your throat was a little sore from when he had choked you. A part of you knew why he did it; the man was afraid, though of exactly what you did not know. You refused to complain about the soreness, however, and instead lowered your mouth back onto his. This time his tongue prodded your lips, and you allowed it to enter your mouth and begin to explore. You released a light moan at the sensation of his tongue running along your teeth. Kylo Ren also groaned at the new experience.

You started to run your tongue along his. He trembled a little underneath you, and you traced your fingertips further up his face to just under his eye. The majority of the wetness from his tears had already dried into a salty residue on his cheeks, yet the moisture closer to his eye was still present. You carefully slid both of your arms up under his, holding him as the two of you kissed. His arms, likewise, wound around you so that you were both holding one another. When next your mouth left his, you tucked yourself so that your head was under his chin. You were unsure which of you fell asleep first, however when you awoke at the start of the next waking cycle, you were each still holding the other.

And at the start of the next waking cycle, Kylo Ren seemed to have regained control over himself. Noticing you were awake, he turned you over and tugged off your clothes before also removing his own. Your wrists were pinned to either side of your head by the Force. Kylo Ren took himself in his hand, nudging your clit with the head of his cock before hitting against your entire cunt with his length. He smirked down at you. “You want this, tooke?” he asked. You breathed heavily, gulping and blushing. When you did not answer him, he again hit his shaft against you with a wet, fleshy smack that had you whimpering. “I want you begging for me, tooke.”

“I…I won’t,” you said, trembling and trying to get control of yourself.

Chuckling, Kylo Ren let go of himself in favor of grabbing hold of both your breasts. He started to knead you, massaging your boobs and then pinching your nipples between his forefingers and thumbs. He tugged upwards, though not rough enough so that it hurt. He then threaded your nipples between his index and middle fingers. His hardening erection brushed back and forth against you when he rolled his hips.

You hummed to yourself as a form of distraction, and then started to list off foods you had not eaten in quite some time. Your voice caught more than once. He had you squirming and shuddering. Kylo Ren had started to suckle your neck, which had your toes curling. You squeezed your eyes closed, reciting lines from books you had read in your childhood in whispers. He paused above you, listening.

“I remember that one,” he murmured, causing you to blink your eyes open. You glanced down at him, finding his eyes on your face. “I hated it.”

“Well,” you said, wrinkling your nose, “I liked it.” He raised himself up on his forearms. “I told you: I won’t beg for it. I don’t want it.”

“You do.”

“My body, maybe, but that isn’t important.”

“Perhaps you simply need a mirror,” he said, smirking down at you. Your lips parted at the memory of watching him fuck you. “You can only distract yourself for so long.” His mouth claimed yours, and he was rutting against you while fondling your chest again. You inhaled sharply through your nose. You were literally shaking in his arms while you attempted to recall more words to the story you had been recounting mere minutes before. Nothing came to mind, however. He was working you in a way that you were starting to turn into putty in his hands.

“W-won’t beg!” you squealed when his mouth traveled to your jawline. “Wo-oh!-n’t beg.” He dipped his hips, grazing your entrance without entering you. You pushed at him with your good hand. “Stop! St-sto-oh-oh-oh-op.”

“Stubborn tooke,” he said, though he obliged and stilled his movements. “That isn’t how I wanted you to beg.”

“You are…horrible,” you groaned out. “Just do what you want with my body, but don’t make me beg for you. I won’t. I don’t want you…”

“In a physical sense? I believe you do.”

“Not sexually.”

“It is a suitable substitution, tooke.” You narrowed your eyes at his words, considering him. “You saw how well you enjoy it. How much your body craves it. I respect that your intentions are still to kill me. Now, indulge, tooke. Beg for it.”

“You’re lying,” you whispered. “I don’t want it… I can’t want it.”

“No?” he countered, his confidence unwavering. His sheer determination unnerved you. “It reminds you that I am human. You think of me as _him_ , ignoring my true identity. A game of make-believe. Do you want me to pretend as well? Be _gentle_ and _kind_?” You felt your bottom lip quivering. “You do want it. I can see it, tooke. You want to pretend that he isn’t dead. The pathetic son of your foolish general. Beg for me, and perhaps I’ll play along. Humor your sentimental needs.”

“P..pl…please,” you said meekly. His pupils dilated, and Kylo Ren licked his lips. But he said nothing, did nothing. You cringed and uttered out, “Please touch me…gently. Please be gentle. Please, Be—“ He hooked his thumb into your mouth, pressing down on your tongue and preventing you from completing his birth name.

“Shh, tooke. I’ll be gentle.” Yet there was nothing gentle in his grin, merely victory. His lips, however, when they found yours were indeed more tender than ever they had been. When he thrust up into you, likewise, it was slow, sensual. You could feel his every muscle ripple, his body practically fusing with yours as though you were made for one another. “Like this, tooke?” he asked, his lips caressing yours with every word.

“Yes,” you said breathlessly, closing your eyes and pretending you were only dreaming; that this was truly Ben Solo caressing you rather than Kylo Ren seducing you, manipulating you. Aware that he would not allow you to utter out the name, however, you settled for an alternative and called him nothing. “Yes…just like that.” You wrapped your arms around his neck, moving your body with his. “Like this.”

“You’re mine, tooke,” he whispered in your ear, his tongue flicking out the next moment to trace around its shell. “You’re mine.”

“Nn…” You did not know how to respond. To play into the fantasy, to chance him taking those words to mean something when this game of make-believe was done. If it had been Ben Solo touching you, it would not end in pain. But it was Kylo Ren inside of you, and he had already claimed to have killed the part of him that was good. You did not believe his words entirely, and yet… And yet you would stop at nothing to kill him if you could. You clung more tightly onto him, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “Don’t say that.” A sigh from him, yet no protest. “Mm…faster…y-yeah, like that.”

He shifted onto his knees, dragging you up with him as you would not relinquish your hold on him, so that he could move even faster in and out of you. You started to pant underneath him, sweat gathering on your body. You rocked your hips into his, meeting his thrusts.

“You have such a nice pussy, tooke.”

“Oh fuck,” you moaned, arching your back when he started to use the Force to stroke your clit. “Mmm, yeah. Don’t stop.” He chuckled, murmuring out a swear a moment later as your vaginal walls began to clench and unclench around him.

“Shit, you really do like that.” Another laugh, and he was shoving you off his lap just before you could reach orgasm. Your eyes flew open and you stared at him with your mouth agape. “I’m done playing, tooke. Beg for me. If you want to cum, beg for _me_.”

“I…I won’t.”

“I can keep you at the edge for however long I like.” As though emphasizing his words and backing his threat, a wave of the Force grazed your clit again, causing you to buck your hips in the air. You choked down a sob and bunched his blankets up with your fist. “You may be patient, tooke, but I am in control here. You’ll never defeat me no matter how hard you try.” Another undulation, and you did sob this time while unconsciously spreading your legs further in welcoming for him. His smirk widened. “So desperate…for me.”

“K-kriff… You… You’re wretched!” You threw your head back when the next stroke teased your sensitive nub.

“You’re dripping all over the blankets, tooke.” He traced his tongue along his lips slowly. Your body familiar with how that wonderful organ felt against your clit, inside your cunt, you felt yourself wetting further for him. Felt your walls grasping at nothing. Your eyes dropped to his cock, still hard and beginning to drip precum. “You’re simply delaying the inevitable.” A swirl of pressure this time. You nearly came undone, but he did not allow you to reach climax. “Beg, tooke.”

“I…” Your nostrils flared as you exhaled sharply before swallowing your pride; he was right—he was in control of this situation. And unlike all those times in the past, he was not going to get up and walk away. Time was on his side, and it was up for you. “P-please fuck me…R-Ren.” He wasted no time in seizing your hips and pulling you back onto him. You wasted no time in meeting his hard and fast thrusts. Your eyes were locked with one another’s. A battle of sorts, you realized, and so you did not look away. Not even when your eyelids were fluttering as you spilled around him, nor when he was grunting and groaning as his cum filled your pussy.

Only when he grinned in victory, declaring in a voice that was _just_ above a whisper: “You’re _mine_ , tooke.”

Though you cowered, though your eyes could no longer meet his, you murmured, “Never.” And he laughed, his mouth sealing over yours so that you were forced to swallow down his glee.

Your protests were further blocked, further mocked when he had your arms pinned with his legs. He knelt over you, his cock down your throat—and Kylo Ren stretched down. You nearly screamed around his dick, your body spasming when his mouth met your cunt. He lapped at you like a hungry animal, his tongue flicking in and out of his mouth in rapid succession. Your legs were not his captives, not even by the Force, and so you spread them for him. You told yourself that you were _not_ his, but that did not mean you would deny yourself; because, on that front, your captor was correct. This was a suitable substitution for killing him, at least for now. A physical outlet.

Your fingers twitched, hands threatening to go numb under the weight of his legs. You heard a strange noise from him, realizing that he was curling his tongue only after spit hit directly against your clit. The sudden pressure caused you to gasp. You nearly choked around his cock. Ren withdrew enough to give you a moment to breathe, and then your tongue was working his shaft, the head of his erection venturing close to the back of your throat.

You bent your legs at the knees and set your feet flat against the mattress. In this manner, you bucked upwards to move your hips closer to his mouth when he had begun to pull back in retreat. “Beg,” he whispered, albeit loud enough for you to hear. His breath was hot against your cunt. Kylo Ren rolled his hips, and you whimpered. You did not want to beg, to give into him again.

And yet…

_It’s just a stupid game._

You were not certain how true your words were; at the time, it hardly mattered. You begged, your _please, Ren_ no more than a hum around his cock. He titled back his head, not obliging. You repeated the plea, this time more desperate. Your nose brushed against his pubic hair.

Kylo Ren pressed a finger into you after the third repetition of you obeying, of you begging him. A second finger moved into you as well. You squirmed at the way he stretched you. The man rose a bit on his knees, only the head of his cock between your lips. You laved it with your tongue, teasing his slit. When he began to work a third finger into you, your eyes bulged. It was strange, how he was stretching you.

A fourth—“Mm!” The sheets were bunched up in your toes, which curled and uncurled. Kylo Ren had his thumb on your clit, rocking it back and forth. A hum of thought from him. You did not receive a chance to whimper at the loss of contact. A scream, which he muffled by thrusting back into your mouth, escaped you. Your legs were shaking, feet scrambling against the mattress until he held them down with the Force.

Yes, babies came out of the vagina, but still…

He worked his fist in and out of you. You felt so full, so wet. His cock in your mouth had you breathing through your nose, smelling him as he pressed closer and closer, thrust deeper into you—with both his cock and his fist.

That large hand. You groaned at the thought of how big it was, how it felt inside of you. He was going to _ruin_ you.

“You’ve taken my lightsaber in you, tooke,” he purred. You groaned at the memory of that—you had not enjoyed having his weapon inside of you. This, however… “So open for me. Fuck!” You swallowed repeatedly, his cum running down your throat. You came as well, a wet, gushing pop when he pulled his fist from you. “Fuck,” he repeated. “The sheets are _soaked_ , tooke.”

As was his hand, which glistened when you caught sight of it.

This did not make you his, you reminded yourself.

_Perhaps it is not hate;  
I may miss you when you’re gone.  
That never made it love—  
It’s been obsession all along._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a thank you for those re-reading this fic, I included the bonus smut. I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate all your support!


	11. ELEVEN

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Eleven: Love Thy Enemy

_Far away, upon a dream,  
I remember seeing your face.  
Long ago, a different name,  
A man who left without a trace_

This time when you were strapped down to the table, you discovered that there was another such device across from you. You felt your stomach sink. Your heart nearly stopped beating. Squeezing your eyes closed, you listened as another person was dragged into the room and bound to the other table. Familiar footsteps echoed in your ears. Kylo Ren was accompanied by General Hux. The redhead glanced from you to your comrade. You could only assume that he belonged to one of the sister splinter cells. The two of you regarded one another with neutrality, an unspoken agreement that neither of you would say a word to the men. You would both do what you could to avoid giving away information.

“This is the first time you’ve seen one another,” Kylo Ren said. The man across from you startled at his modulated voice. You watched the other Resistance member look at the masked man. Apparently Kylo Ren had not been present when he had been captured. Said Force user stood directly between you and your ally, his back to you. “You have been far from forthcoming… I will remedy that.”

“The Resistance will not be intimidated,” your ally hissed out, causing General Hux to smirk and snort out a breathy laugh.

“As though they’re trained to speak that lie,” the First Order officer stated. Kylo Ren made a static-filled noise of agreement. “Many of his cell were already eliminated. The admiral and a few other key members, however, managed to escape. We need their names.”

You shook your head when the man looked over Ren’s shoulder at you. A pressure on your shoulder slammed you against the table more harshly. You hissed in pain, snarling at Kylo Ren, who had turned to consider you. General Hux, in the meantime, walked closer to the other prisoner. He was nearly back-to-back with Kylo Ren. You grit your teeth upon realizing that the two of you would be played off one another, hence both of you being in the same interrogation room as well as the presence of General Hux and Kylo Ren. It would be easy to make up false information without someone there to dispute it. One could only control their facial expressions, their heartbeat, so much.

“You piece of shit,” you whispered to the masked man as he stepped even closer to you.

General Hux looked over his shoulder, his lips pinched tightly together for a moment before he spoke. “You are quite an impressive specimen.” You could have done without being complimented by your enemy. Your glare was transferred to the general. “Knowing what is intended, however, will not help you in this case.” Aware of the truth in his words, you bunched your hands into fists and averted your gaze from the pair of them.

You started humming softly to yourself, trying to ignore anything and everything that was said. You kept your eyes away from your comrade as well, knowing that if you looked his way your reactions to one another would give away everything. At the first cry of pain from the other Resistance member, you jumped a bit. Your eyes started to dart to him, however you caught yourself and instead looked up at the ceiling. Your humming grew a little louder. All the while, you could _feel_ Kylo Ren watching you. Every so often there would be a sort of tickling in your brain, and you knew it was him skimming over your thoughts.

“Silence her, Ren,” General Hux snapped mere seconds before three fingers were thrust into your mouth. You gagged against the leather, which pressed your tongue down. Saliva dribbled past your lips, your drool making its way to your chest. You attempted to turn your head in order to remove his fingers from your mouth, however his hand traveled along with you. The questions resumed, and this time you heard the words. Kylo Ren’s fingers moved in retreat then plunged back in. You snarled, having no choice but to let him finger-fuck your mouth; you knew it was to draw your ally’s attention—and when you heard the man swear at Kylo, you knew your captor’s methods had met with success.

Three sets of eyes on you. You knew General Hux wished for your attention to be on your comrade, yet you were managing to keep your gaze elsewhere. Kylo Ren turned away from you, his fingers at last leaving your mouth. You swallowed around nothing and tried to erase the taste of leather from your tongue. Your actions stopped abruptly at the sound of the man drawing his lightsaber off his belt, of that plasma blade igniting. Your eyes whipped to the direction of the red blade, to the crossguards, one of which was pressed near your comrade’s neck. Rather than burn him there, Kylo Ren instead drew the smaller blade down to the man’s shoulder. He cut downwards, the smell of burnt flesh invading your nostrils and cries of agony assaulting your ears as Kylo Ren sliced through the man’s arm almost completely. General Hux raised his chin, staring down his nose at the Resistance member as the heart monitor noisily recorded his increased pulse.

Rather than deactivate the saber when he turned away from your comrade, Kylo Ren instead moved to you with it. You trembled, remembering well how it felt to be penetrated by his blade. With the hand that was not holding the lightsaber, Kylo Ren caressed your cheek—and did not flinch in the least when you screamed in pain as the hot blade of his weapon entered you, cutting near your hip, yet careful so as not to cause you a mortal wound.

General Hux looked towards one of the three stormtroopers present in the room. “Call in the physician to run the IVs.” The soldier did as he was ordered. Before any questions more were posed to either you or your ally, you were each given a drug through an IV to help ease some of the pain; you partly wished they would have let you pass out from the discomfort. “Now, let’s continue.”

“Get bent,” you snapped, your body trembling at the burning sensation on your hip. Across from you, your ally appeared to have quieted some. His gaze was trained on you. Your lips parted and you shook your head. “This is nothing! Don’t you fucking dare!”

And yet Kylo Ren, who had already been in the process of turning before you had spoken, raised a hand and delved into your comrade’s mind. He screamed in agony, no doubt experiencing the mental and physical pain Kylo Ren was sending his way via the Force. You started to struggle against your bindings, only to cry as the searing sensation on your hip returned in full.

“Stop!” Yet General Hux was already speaking, asking the questions again. You knew right then that neither General Hux nor Kylo Ren had expected you to break. Seeing you in pain, your ally, who had endured other forms of torture as well, and experiencing some of that similar pain, he would break—he had broken. “You fuckers!” You sobbed, tears of frustration running down your face. “I’ll kill you!” Ignoring the pain, you began struggling again, trying to break free of your bindings. You slammed your head back against the table repeatedly, attempting to arch your back and not caring if you broke a wrist if that meant being able to slip it out of the restraints.

“Sedative, doctor,” General Hux said without looking your way. The physician administered the drug via your IV, and in little to no time, you found yourself relaxing though your mind screamed for you to act.

You awoke bound in a different room. Your wrists were chained to the bed on either side of you, your ankles likewise. It took you a few moments of blinking to register that you were in medbay. Looking around with your eyes alone, you listening to the sounds of the room. A few coughs here and there. Nurses speaking with patients. Droids moving about. Your side throbbed, and you remembered the interrogation, your role as pawn in it. Slowly, you began to slide your tongue past your teeth, which you set against the organ. They would not be able to use you if you were dead, you told yourself.

The curtain being drawn aside caused you to jump and release your tongue. You stared with wide eyes at the physician who stepped closer to you. Urvno. His eyes swept up and down your frame before he adjusted the medication that was hooked to the IV. You felt yourself growing groggy, and you cursed him as you began to drift off again.

When you next regained consciousness, you were still in medbay. You swore when the nurse informed you that you had a catheter. It was not your favorite position to be in, that was for certain. He did not comment as you urinated, your pee collecting in the bag, though he did glance up, presumably to ensure it was properly colored and there was nothing wrong with your kidneys. He did not stay for long, though when he left Urvno came in his stead. You said nothing to the physician while you watched him check over your stats.

“Your body holds up rather well to lightsaber wounds,” he commented, as though attempting to break the ice. You rolled your wrists. “Your fingers are healing quite nicely still. You shouldn’t need a brace soon. The injury to your hip was…minor in comparison to your previous lightsaber wound.”

“Did they kill him?” you asked, unable to hold your tongue any longer. Urvno pinched his lips together, his face suddenly a mask of indifference. “It’s my fault for… They killed him, didn’t they?”

Urvno reached into his pocket and withdrew what you recognized as a player. He set it on the bedside table out of your reach, hit the play button, and walked away. The muscles in your legs tensed. The voices on the recording belonged to Resistance members. Their feed had to have been hacked into. Your breathing quickened as you listened to them speaking. This was likely the recording the First Order had listened to in order to discover the location of the splinter cell to begin with. This was how they had captured the man who had been strapped to the table across from you. Information of the Resistance, information that the First Order now knew, spilled into your ears.

The recording soon reached its end, and the device clicked off. You waited with bated breath to see if anything further would be given to you, if anyone would enter to tell you the fate of your comrade. No one came. At least, not for another ten minutes; and when that same male nurse arrived at your bedside, it was to switch out the bag of fluids for your IV. You watched him work. Whenever his eyes did fall upon you, there was a guarded expression, as though he disliked you on the sole account that you were a Resistance member. You found that you could not fault him for this; you, likewise, held a certain distaste for him due to his association with the First Order.

You did not see Urvno again for the better part of the cycle. It was close to the start of the sleep cycle that he made another appearance. He once more checked your stats before pocketing the player. “He’s not aboard the _Finalizer_ right now, is he?” you asked.

Urvno paused, the man having been ready to take leave of you. He licked his lips and then spoke to you in a soft voice. “Whom are you referring to?”

“K…Kylo Ren,” you replied, equally as softly. Urvno shook his head, and you felt your lip begin to quiver. He was once more hunting your comrades, their location stolen from your ally because _your_ presence had led him to have a moment of weakness. “Is he dead?”

At the inquiry regarding your comrade, Urvno once more ignored you and walked away. It was for another four days that you remained in medbay without word in regards to your ally. After that, you were taken to a refresher by a female officer, who was accompanied by a stormtrooper with a blaster should you prove to be unruly. You were allowed to bathe yourself before you were given loose clothing to dress in; they were careful to not aggravate the wound on your hip. Your hands were bound in front of you, shackles placed on your feet as well. It hardly surprised you that you were taken to Kylo Ren’s quarters. You couldn’t help but wonder if your comrade was nothing more than a pile of ashes that had been added to Ren’s collection.

You were taken to the chair rather than the bed this time, and there you were instructed to sit down. You obeyed, knowing it would be foolish to disobey what with your injuries. You would bide your time, allow yourself to heal more before you attempted anything. The officer and stormtrooper exited the man’s quarters. You had only to wait a few minutes before the door opened once more.

“Creature,” you said in greeting. Those footsteps paused. Leather flexing, as though the man was clenching his hands. You looked over your shoulder in his direction to find that this was so. “What did you expect?”

“You forget that you’re a prisoner,” he countered. You turned away from him, your nostrils flaring as you exhaled. “‘We’re enemies’ you always tell me. Did _you_ forget that?”

“Did you kill him?”

“No.”

You waited a few seconds before pressing further. “Is he dead?” A sort of clicking noise. You raised your eyes to look at the mask of his helmet when he rounded the chair and squatted in front of you. It was then that you noticed he had something in his hands. A book—a children’s book, the very one you had quoted and he claimed to have hated. “You’re repulsive.” His grip on the object tightened, the paper binding giving way so that a crinkling could be heard. “He’s dead, isn’t he?” The binding was bent further. You watched him, starting to wonder if he was going to fly into a fit of rage. You remembered well the sounds of him doing so, and you felt your stomach starting to churn at that memory. “You said you didn’t like it.” Kylo Ren did not give a verbal response. He instead lifted his hand, slipping the book into your lap and relinquishing his hold on it. “Is… Did you bring me…a gift?”

“Are your painkillers working well?”

Your face twisted into one of disgust. “You want to fuck me…” He made a noise that indicated this was exactly so while he rose to his full height. You watched him draw aside his robe and withdraw his cock, which was already hardening. “You killed them, didn’t you?”

“My enemies? Yes.” His hand was working fast on his erection, its twin moving to the back of your head and urging you forward. You fell to your knees on the ground, the book slipping to the floor in front of you, and opened your mouth to take him in. “Good girl, tooke.” He was rocking into your mouth, his head thrown back. This prevented him from seeing your glare. Yet he felt your teeth beginning to descend on him, and he thrust you away. Your head hit the edge of the chair. Before you could cry out in pain, a pressure was around your throat. You raised your hands to clasp at the invisible force that was choking off your air supply. “Do you want the caps again?” The pressure lessened, and you coughed out a weak _no_.

He did not grab the back of your head again. Simply stared down at you, watching you as though he were expecting something. You felt tears prick the corners of your eyes as you shifted back onto your knees. Raising your chained hands, you braced them against his thighs so that you could push at him should he get too rough. Hating yourself for it, you lowered your mouth back onto his cock, tasting the precum that dribbled onto your tongue.

You ran your tongue along his shaft, your brow furrowing as you realized that your body was reacting to him being in your mouth. You whimpered, your vaginal walls pulsing as you started to grow aroused. You looked up at him with your eyes, finding that he was still watching you, and you began to bob your head. He chuckled. In your peripheral, you caught sight of his finger twitching, and suddenly you felt a pressure at your clit. You spread your legs as best you could with them being shackled and you being on your knees.

“You want it, tooke?” he asked, starting to snap his hips so that his dick hit near the back of your throat. You nodded as best you could with him in your mouth. “So _depraved_ … _desperate_ …” It felt as though something were moving inside of you, fucking up into you with every word he spoke. You ground down against it, thinking of ways you could kill him. If you could grab his lightsaber and impale him with it. If—you groaned around him as he fucked you even harder with the Force. “Such thoughts are punishable.” He grabbed the back of your head to keep you in place, no doubt aware that you would have attempted to insult him, to argue. “Always admirable, tooke. Your loyalty. But, it is misplaced. Foolish. Mmm… Kriff, you know how to use this mouth.” His words went straight to your cunt. “Your body is mine, tooke. You’re dripping for me already, aren’t you?”

This time he allowed you to pull back. “You’re despicable.”

“You want this inside of you?” He was stroking his cock, which you eyed with both distaste and want. “Do you want to play make-believe again?”

“I _will_ kill you.” Yet even as you spoke those words, you were allowing him to stand you up. You flinched when he activated his lightsaber, which he used to cut your bindings before putting the weapon away. “I’m going to…kill you…” You were walking backwards as he stepped forwards. The back of your legs hit against the bed, and you sat down upon it.

“You want to fuck your general’s son, don’t you?” he asked with a chuckle, his voice full of mockery. Your threats died on your tongue. “Instead, you’re going to ride your enemy’s cock. You’re going to love it. So desperate for it…your pussy must be so kriffing wet right now. You can’t stop squirming, pressing those thighs together. Mm…spread them wider, tooke, and I’ll climb between them.” Your jaw dropped. You could say nothing when his hands landed on your knees, jerking your legs apart. Kylo Ren bunched up the material of your clothing, stripping you and then living up to his word. He climbed between your legs and thrust up into you—and you were _so wet_ for him. Dripping. Slicking him up so that his cock slid into you with ease. He was looking down at where your bodies met. “Fuck, tooke.” You could see the reflection in his mask, and you felt your cheeks heating up at the sight of his cock disappearing into your body. “Shit.” He snapped his hips, and you threw your head back with a moan.

You squeezed your eyes closed. _Ben! Ben! Oh, Ben!_ You panted underneath him as he fucked you fast, his movements desperate. Reaching between your legs, you toyed with your clit. _Ben…Ben…BenBenBenBen—_

“He’s dead, tooke. Kriff, you’re so tight.” You drew your legs further up his back, pretending he was still Ben Solo, a man you never knew, as he fucked you. Pretending it was someone who would have been an ally. “I killed them all, tooke.” You choked out a sob as you came, his words cutting through your orgasm and reminding you that it was your enemy’s cock buried deep inside of you. “Only one more—kriff!—one more cell.”

“Just finish already,” you moaned miserably. Kylo Ren drew your body closer to his, pounding into you until he came. When he pulled out of you, you were still able to feel his semen, which dripped out of you and onto the mattress. “Take me back to the cell…anywhere else. I don’t want to be near you.”

Rather than oblige, Kylo Ren crawled onto the bed beside you and curled his body around yours. You turned your head away so that you could stare at the wall instead of look at him. Your hip hurt a little from your activities, your injury not fully healed. You traced your fingers on the rim of the wound. Kylo Ren, meanwhile, had reached for your hand, running two of his fingers up and down the digit that held his current name. And then he did the same to your other hand, to his old name, to the name of the man he had once been, the man you had pretended had been touching you.

“You would rather die than stay with me,” he said quietly. His vocoder kept the emotions from fully shining through. Still, you heard the disappointment that resided there.

You shifted your gaze down to the floor, towards the chair and at the book that was lying mere inches away. His gesture of kindness had been lost in all the cruelty. That, you imagined, was the part of him that was left over from the man known as Ben Solo. Kylo Ren did know kindness. He knew compassion and empathy, even if he shied away from them as a rule. It wasn’t as though you ever, really, forgot that he was your enemy.

“It’s not staying with you,” you began softly. “It’s being used by you. That’s all you do. Use me. My body. My memories. Everything. Just a simple tool. A passing form of entertainment that can easily be replaced. Didn’t you say so once, creature?” Upon being referred to as such, Kylo Ren wrapped his arm around you and held you close. You could feel his breathing, could feel his heartbeat. “Are you crying?”

“No.” Yet there was something static-like in that single syllable, as though his vocoder was having difficulty projecting his voice when his throat was thick with emotion. You did not know why he would be crying; perhaps he wasn’t certain of it either.

“Maybe…if you didn’t gloat…if you weren’t so cruel, weren’t always saying such things… Maybe then it would be easier.”

“And yet you would kill me.” You raised a hand to your face, covering your eyes as the first sob wracked your frame. The tears started spilling, and you could not identify what upset you so much. War was an ugly thing. People were dying. They were people regardless if they were on your side or not. It was easier when they weren’t so…human. Just names, nothing more.

“Why won’t you just kill me? Please…please…” You turned and grasped at the front of his robes. “You win. Just kill me.”

“And yet…if given a weapon…you would not point it at your own head, tooke. You would fire it my way,” Kylo Ren said. You grit your teeth together, knowing his words were the truth. “You already admitted it. So long as you live…” His voice trailed off, more static coming from him as he exhaled, or perhaps inhaled, sharply. You had wound your body around his, wrapping your arms around him and burying your face in the crook of his neck so that you could cry. “I’m not… He’s dead, tooke.”

_Ben… What was he like when he was Ben? I just want to be held by someone…someone I don’t want to kill._

“B… Ren?” you said, whispering his name. He was not doing a single thing to comfort you, however he was allowing you to cling to him. “I… You’re unlovable.” His heart was racing, and you heard his breath hitch. He trembled against you.

_He’s my enemy._

You would do anything to hurt him, to kill him.

“Keeping me here to pretend you’re not… You’re an unlovable monster, and I can’t wait for the day you die.”

Kylo Ren wrenched himself away from you. You could see his shoulders heaving with every breath he took. His hands clenching and unclenching, one near the weapon at his hip. You sat up on the bed, kneeling at glaring at him. You repeated your words, calling him _unlovable_ and referring to him not by his name, but as _creature_. If he killed you in a bout of rage, he could no longer take anything from you. And he would likely be in a state of—perhaps not sorrow, but something that would render him vulnerable. Something that would allow the Resistance to gain the upper hand.

And yet suddenly he appeared to gather his bearings. “Your body is replaceable, tooke. Do you believe you’re my only form of entertainment?” It struck you to silence. You stared at him with your mouth partly open, your eyes widening. A wave of nausea rolled through you. Kylo Ren straightened himself. “You may redress, or else be taken to your cell in your present state. It matters not to me.”

You numbly pulled on your clothing. Not soon after you were dressed, a stormtrooper arrived and escorted you away. The book remained where it was on the man’s floor. You were restrained to a table much like the one on which you had taken part in the interrogation. Resting your head against it, you stared at the ceiling.

 _It doesn’t matter,_ you told yourself. Yet the thought that he had been intimate with someone else…that he had likely been _gentle_ with them while fucking you as though you were a mere toy for him… He had been the only man to have ever had you in such a way. Quite possibly the only man who ever would. _It means nothing… He means nothing to me. He’s my enemy._

Yet you could not stop thinking of the hairclip. The book. Those little things, those moments when you were left wondering about the man that had once been Ben Solo. The moments when he did not _act_ like your enemy. The fact that there was something about him that seemed so sad and afraid. The very fact that _you_ seemed to have hurt him.

And yet, you reasoned, you must truly have meant nothing to him. For him to go to another for…

 _He’s my enemy,_ you screamed in your head. _It doesn’t matter!_

_How we practice to deceive—  
Spinning all these webs of lies.  
In them we ensnare ourselves,  
Until at last truth is compromised._


	12. TWELVE

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Twelve: The Face of War

_All alone we are together,  
And together we are alone._

You stared blankly at the wall across from you. Days. You knew it had been days since you had seen Kylo Ren, and yet you were not certain exactly _how_ many had transpired. Rather than feed you real meals, you were given nutrients through your IV. You wondered if you were going to develop a bladder infection, once more being forced to endure a catheter. You startled at the sound of the door opening. A stormtrooper, you figured. Or else a physician to check your vitals. Maybe even a cleaning droid. Those ignored you whenever they entered. Footsteps told you that it was a visitor of the fleshy kind.

In your peripheral there was a blackness. You glanced to the side with your eyes alone, your mouth opening a minute amount when you took in the identity of your visitor. Your captor. He did not seem to glance your way in the least. “You’ve finally stopped crying.” His altered voice was becoming more familiar to you than his real one. You knew that this was the case for many; it wasn’t as though you were special, you reminded yourself. Replaceable. Not enough to satisfy his sick cravings. “Urvno informed me that your eyes were raw…irritated. Have the drops worked for you then?” It was only then that he lifted his head, his visor pointed in the direction of your face.

“You’re wretched,” you whispered, thinking of the metaphorical punch to the gut he had delivered with his admission. He made no response. You were no stranger to his gaze, to his silence. “How long have I been here?”

“Six cycles.” You felt something brush along your mind; there were no tendrils of pain this time, yet you still found yourself flinching. A strange, almost clicking noise filtered out of his mouthpiece. He stepped closer, his face directly in front of yours. “You’re funny, tooke.”

You clenched your teeth, fighting off the urge to cry. “Glad I can amuse you,” you hissed out.

“You believe I have been having sex with another. It’s funny.” You furrowed your brow, not sure why he found it amusing, and confused as to why he had phrased things as he had. Kylo Ren tilted his head to the side. “I said, ‘Your body is replaceable, tooke’—it is. ‘Do you believe you are my only form of entertainment?’—you are not. Two separate issues.”

“Yet conveniently strung together,” you bit out, your heart hammering in your chest and ears.

“You called me unlovable…so why should you feel betrayed, even if that had been the case?” He was practically touching you, his body and mask so close to you. Your breath fogged against his mouthpiece, condensation forming along it. “You were speaking of wishes. Your need for me to be unlovable, for you to not be seduced, to not care…for me. You’ve missed me.” Now his body did press up into yours. You tensed against your restraints at his touch. His hands were set on the table on either side of your face.

You turned your face to the side so that your breath was no longer hitting against his mask. He pressed the cool metal, more tolerable in temperature due to your breath yet at the same time moist because of it, to your cheek. He stood there for a number of seconds. You did not look his way, keeping your gaze on the metal walls of the ship you were in. After several more seconds of your silence and his, Kylo Ren stepped away from you. Your eyes turned to him and followed the man until he walked out of your line of sight. You could hear the doors opening, his heavy footsteps once more, and then the door closed and those stomping boots faded into the distance.

Hours later when the door next opened, you listened more intently. It was a mere cleaning droid, however. You watched as it did what it was programmed to do. It left not long after it entered, and you were once more alone.

_It doesn’t matter whether or not he was with another woman. It means nothing. He’s my enemy. My enemy…enemy…_

The doors opened once more. This time Urvno had entered along with a stormtrooper. Your catheter was removed, as was the IV. When you were readied, Urvno turned you over to the ‘trooper. He escorted you to one of the refreshers on the _Finalizer_. You were allowed a quick shower, during which time you were given a razor to shave. After you were finished, you were dressed in a long black shirt that slipped a little past your thighs. A black bra and underwear as well. That was all.

Officers and stormtroopers alike looked your way when you were escorted down the hallways and corridors of the _Finalizer_. More than one whistled, and more than one referred to you as a _Resistance whore_ along with stating the crude things they would do to you. You did your best to not shrink at such catcalls and their leers, however you found it difficult to hold your head up high.

Rather than being taken to Kylo Ren’s quarters as you had believed you would be, you were instead escorted to medbay. Once there, you were placed in a secluded area, away from the members of the First Order. A nurse came, took your vitals and trimmed your nails. You then waited for a few minutes before the attending physician drew the curtain closed prior to drawing your blood and performing a pap smear. You winced your way through the physical, trying to retain at least _some_ of your dignity. It was only when this was completed that you were taken to the more familiar portion of the Star Destroyer. You entered Kylo Ren’s quarters without complaint, the stormtrooper pushing you forward regardless of this. Your bare feet hit against the ground noisily, and you hardly had a chance to look over your shoulder before the door closed.

Turning back around to see what was in front of you, you found yourself stilling completely. The book had not been moved from its place on the floor. It did, however, have a boot print on it as well as other evidence that Kylo Ren had walked across it. As if he did not care about it in the least. Your eyes darted about the room, yet you could find no evidence of the man being present. You slowly, hesitantly, made your way to the book. You knelt down on the ground, your fingers brushing over the object. It was torn in a few places, his careless footsteps across it having ripped part of the binding. You scooped it up and wrapped both of your arms around it, cradling the book to your stomach.

It was the only thing that was yours, even if it had been given to you by _him_ ; even if he had stomped on it and treated it poorly in your absence.

The door to the refresher opened. Your attention was drawn to the man, who was at last devoid of his robes and helmet. He was covered by a mere towel around his waist, another on his shoulders, which he had evidently been using to pat-dry his hair. His eyes darted to you for but a moment before he turned his attention elsewhere. He crossed the room, taking out clothing. You watched him tug on his pants before he allowed the towel to drop to the floor. The one around his shoulders remained for only a few seconds longer. This, too, was discarded in a similar fashion.

He was saying nothing to you, practically ignoring the fact that you were even in the room. You soon stood, climbed into the chair, and curled up while opening the book. The feel of the crisp paper felt almost foreign. For so long you had read material on a datapad, as it was slim and more easily carried while traveling as you did. You ran your fingers along the page, flashes of your childhood entering your mind’s eye.

A hand entered your peripheral milliseconds before the book was lifted out of your grasp. You made a small noise of protest, turning only to find the man seizing the book on either side with his hands. The muscles in his arms tensed and flexed as he tore the book down the middle. He placed the two halves one atop the other and ripped it once more. You stared dumbly as the pieces fluttered to the floor, and Kylo Ren swerved his hip past the arm of the chair as he made his way over to where he had set his helmet upon the bed.

Your chest heaved, and you slid off the chair and onto your knees, your hands touching portions of the ruined book. Kylo Ren did not place his helmet on his head, though he cradled it in his arm. He made his way back to his closet, tugging out the remainder of his outfit. Once more he was ignoring you. You splayed your hands along the floor, atop the pieces of the only belonging you had had. A single hiccup shook your body. You swallowed thickly, held your breath, and were able to hold off any other such spasms.

You looked over at Kylo Ren, who had pulled on a shirt and was in the process of tugging on his boots. “I…hate you,” you said, feeling yourself starting to cry. “I really hate you.” Still, he did not utter a single syllable. Finished with his boots, he began to dress the rest of the way. You rose on shaky legs and trudged over to him. By then, the only thing he was missing was his helmet. Those dark orbs flew to your face when you braced yourself, readying a fist to strike him. You froze up instantly.

He stepped sideways a little as he turned so that your bodies were facing one another. His hands lifted, slipping under your shirt, his fingers hooking into your panties, which he tugged so that they fell. You then stepped backwards in retreat, however he did not allow you to put any distance between the two of you. Once more he was a predator, you his prey. His body moved with such precision, with such grace, that you found yourself scrambling quicker. His strides lengthened, and then he was on you, pinning you to the bed with a hand pressing down on your abdomen. His other limb had parted your legs, and he had dropped to his knees so that he could bury his face between your thighs.

His tongue thrust up into you, and you gasped and then gulped at the intrusion. You unconsciously ground against his face, and he rewarded your desperation with a flick of his tongue to your clit. When you regained your senses and tried to pull away from him, the hand on your stomach pressed more tightly.

“Stop! I hate you! Stop it!” Your stomach was swimming, intense heat and arousal pooling between your legs. Kylo Ren was moaning, his entire mouth enveloping you. You tried to arch your back, tried to get him to take more of you when he started to concentrate on smaller portions at a time. You could feel him smirking against your cunt. Your inner walls gripped at nothing, the want for something to be buried in you again making you whimper when instead he pulled fully away. Kylo Ren used the end of your shirt to wipe his face then stood. You were still panting as you observed him cross the room, watched as he pulled on his helmet, and nearly cried in frustration when he exited his quarters, leaving your body craving his touch.

You cursed him, cursed yourself, when you squeezed your eyes closed and reached between your legs. You awkwardly pressed two fingers near your entrance, hesitated, and then moved them into you. It felt strange; nowhere near as good as when he was finger-fucking you. You withdrew the digits almost immediately, turned on your side, and stared down at the pieces of your ripped book. You pushed off the bed and walked over to the items that so held your attention. Dropping to your knees in front of them, you started to pull all the pieces towards one another.

It was not as though you could repair the book on a permanent basis; you had no adhesives with which to stick all the pieces together again. Still, you attempted to arrange them correctly. You lined each piece up together as you would a puzzle, working them all into a cohesive picture. Tears started to well up in your eyes, which were still a little raw from all the crying you had done over the past six days.

At last admitting to yourself the impossibility of the task, you picked up all the pieces, entered the refresher, and placed the ruined book into the trash. You then looked around yourself, wondering what you could possibly use as a weapon. Your eyes stopped on your reflection. You grabbed the hand towel from off its hook, wrapped it around your hand, and made a fist. With this, you struck the mirror. It took you a few more tries to get it to crack in a way that allowed you to pry off a piece you could utilize.

You removed the towel from your fist, setting the cloth on the counter before picking up the mirror shard and walking out of the refresher. You moved, once more, to the chair. The shard of glass had dug a bit into your flesh by the time you heard bootsteps coming from the other side of the door. You glanced down at your hand, at the blood that was beginning to drip, and then released a steady breath to strengthen your resolve. You stood from the chair, crossing the room so that when the door opened you were able to strike at him.

Kylo Ren took a step backwards, catching your wrist when the glass was a mere inch from his neck. You trembled in his grasp, waiting for him to squeeze your wrist as he had done so many times in the past. Waiting for him to _break_ it. He raised his other hand, unhooking your fingers from the glass, which remained in your hand, embedded in your flesh from your tight grip on it. He worked it carefully out, more blood spilling now that nothing was obscuring its path. The man stepped forward, forcing you to walk backwards. He steered you in the direction of the refresher, nearly shoving you inside.

You were still waiting for him to break your wrist, to dislocate it—anything! His visor was pointed in the direction of the portion of the mirror you had broken as he reached for the knob and turned on the faucet. He stuck your hand underneath the spray, and you hissed out in pain, jumping at the contact. Kylo Ren seized a fresh towel from a drawer after turning off the water, wrapped the cloth around your hand, and practically dragged you by the wrist back into the other room. He shoved you onto the bed, at which point he finally relinquished his hold on your wrist. You allowed your limb to drop to your lap, staring at the towel wrapped around it while Kylo Ren took out a commlink and placed a call. You could hear him speaking to Urvno, telling the man to report to his quarters along with a kit.

“Aren’t you mad?” you asked in a very quiet voice. “I tried to kill you. Aren’t you mad?”

You were met with pure silence. It was not until Urvno entered Kylo Ren’s quarters that anything was said. Even then, your captor addressed only the physician, stating that you had sliced your hand on glass. While Urvno was sterilizing the area so that he could stitch it up, Kylo Ren used his commlink once more, this time to call a repair team to tend to the broken mirror. When he made the next call, you felt your stomach sink. Mittens and chains, much like you had been forced to endure in the beginning of your captivity.

The repair crew came, immediately entering the refresher with the purpose of removing completely the broken mirror. You watched them as they walked through his quarters, attempting to ignore the stormtrooper that entered, the aforementioned bindings in his hands. The mitten for your injured hand, you noticed, was different than the other. It would allow your wound to breathe, to heal properly. Everyone in the room addressed Kylo Ren as ‘Sir’ or ‘Lord Ren’. One used the title of ‘Commander’. Such respect and fear. Fear so palpable you could taste it. The stormtrooper stepped forward when Urvno had finished with his task. The mittens and restraints were put into place. You did not fight in the least, only hung your head and stared at the floor.

A new mirror was not brought it, though the repair crew informed Kylo Ren that they would ready one immediately. Urvno lingered for a minute or so before dismissing himself. On his way out, he informed the man that he would be wanting to keep an eye on your wound to see that it healed properly. One by one they all left. You were alone with Kylo Ren, alone in the silence that hung between the two of you.

“Are you—“

“It upset you that I ripped the book.” He sounded almost curious, and you found that you could form no words all of a sudden. “Why?”

“It…it was the only…the only thing that was mine.”

His shoulders slumped the slightest bit as he released what sounded to be a sigh. Kylo Ren lifted his hands so that he could remove his helmet, which he placed down. He stepped closer before moving onto the bed next to you. You dropped your gaze to your hand. It throbbed, and you wondered a little why you had not kept the towel around your hand when you were wielding the shard of glass. You brought your legs up onto the bed, shifting so that you could turn and lay on your side. Your shirt was riding up, and you had never put back on your panties.

You felt the bed shifting, moving in ways that indicated he was readjusting his clothing. You squeezed your eyes closed, opening them not long later when he aligned his body along yours. He wasn’t naked, you realized. He had removed his boots and robe, however he still wore his other clothing. Kylo Ren snaked an arm around you. You waited to see what he would do. He only laid there, holding you.

“I…I’m…hungry…” He rolled over in order to seize the commlink, which he used to order that food was brought for the two of you. “Aren’t you mad?” Kylo Ren turned you onto your back, your arms pinned to your sides due to the way the chain caught along you. His brown eyes ran along your face, his expression completely neutral. “I tried to kill you.”

“You never claimed to attempt otherwise.” He set his mouth to your throat, placing wet kisses against it. You remained perfectly still, your brow furrowed and eyes staring up at the ceiling. You waited, wondering when he was going to kiss his way down your body. It was what he always did, you reasoned. Yet your throat apparently held much appeal for him. He suckled it, nipped, and you could feel him beginning to leave hickeys on you. When he did begin to shift, it was upwards, his lips sealing over yours. He paused upon noticing your look of confusion. His lips parted, and you guessed he would have spoken had the droid not entered his quarters with the food.

As the droid set up the food on a tray, Kylo Ren assisted you in moving back up into a sitting position. You rolled your arms, which had started to fall asleep due to how they had been pinned. You looked at the food that had been brought, wondering how you were meant to eat. It was not as though you could lift the utensils, your hands covered as they were. Kylo Ren lifted a fork, stabbed it into the meat, and then held the bite out to you. It had been quite some time since you had been forced to endure this. You scowled, however obediently opened your mouth for him to slide the bite inside.

It was as you were chewing on your fourth bite that he spoke up. “You have stated that there is no love between us…why should it matter if I _had_ been intimate with another?”

Unsure of the answer to this inquiry, you simply swallowed and waited for the next forkful. It did not come. Kylo Ren was staring at you expectantly. You ducked your head, eyeing the food hungrily and wishing to avoid the conversation. He stabbed the prongs of the fork into a bite, lifted it, and as you were opening your mouth to accept it, you found that he instead slipped it into his own mouth. You felt the muscles in your legs tense, as though telling you to spring at him, to attack him for the food. You were by no means starving, however you were more than a little hungry after not being fed for the majority of the cycle. He fed you the next bite, which caused you to once more relax.

Kylo Ren gestured towards the glass filled with what appeared to be juice. You nodded, allowing him to place the rim to your lips and help you drink. “Would you like something sweet, tooke?” Your pupils grew wide, and you could have sworn your heart skipped a beat. How long had it been, aside from the drugged hot chocolate, since you had last had something sweet? What would he want you to give up in return? Rather than ask for anything, however, he set aside the lid to the other plate, which you had previously believed held _his_ dinner. Instead there were a few cookies, which had your mouth watering. He picked one up from the plate and offered it to you. You stared at it, unsure if you could trust him. As though he were reading your thoughts, his lips quirked upwards. “It’s safe,” he said, a sort of teasing lilt gracing his voice.

You swallowed thickly before at last leaning forward and biting into the cookie. A small noise of pleasure left you, and you closed your eyes while relishing in the rich flavor. After you swallowed, you looked up at his face. The cookie remained between the two of you, his hand holding it ready for you to take a second bite. “Why?”

“Perhaps you’re more hurtful than you realize—or you intended to be so,” he said, resting the cookie against your lips so that you took another bite into your mouth. “I have always appreciated and respected the fight in you…but never the lies.” You chewed without commenting, listening to him speak. He was being civil, and thus you found that you could not deny him a proper audience. “You’re desperate, tooke… Lonely.” Your heart started to pound against your chest. “Terrified that you would serve the cause I am a part of if you did not push me away. The book wasn’t yours. You never accepted it, not for what it was.”

“What it was?” you asked, your mouth at last empty of food. 

“A simple act of kindness. Something for you to hold.” His voice was passionless, as if he had personally moved on from the ordeal but was humoring you with an explanation. “You did not accept it, but instead lashed out with your lies.” Kylo Ren started to tilt his head to the side. “You interpreted my response different than I thought you would. It hurt you.” He knit his brow at this final portion, confusion once more lacing his voice.

“I don’t… I don’t know why it hurt. It shouldn’t have. You’re my enemy.” He offered you the final portion of the cookie, and you took it. Kylo Ren was patient as ever, waiting for you to finish chewing so that you could complete your response. “Why did it hurt?” You looked towards your injured hand, imagining the tattoo underneath before glancing at its twin and thinking of the same thing. “I don’t have any sort of romantic feelings for you.”

“Yet you care for me.” He said it with as much confusion as you felt. Why would you care for him? You pitied him, and that you could accept. But to care for him in any form, enough so that it had hurt you when you believed he was being intimate with another?

“You’re the only one I’ve ever…” _been with_ wasn’t quite correct. _Had sex with_ was more accurate, yet still not quite it either. “…had such…experiences with.” It went beyond the sex in some respects. He had been in your mind, seen the views you had thrown his way to deter him from taking what information he had wanted from you. Things from your childhood that you hadn’t spoken with to anyone, or hadn’t shared in quite a number of years. There was a certain intimacy in it that went beyond a physical union. “But…you aren’t mad that I tried to kill you?”

“I had anticipated it.” His gaze fell to the mittens. “But not such a foolish course. Perhaps you’re losing your touch.” His lips quirked up into a sort of smirk. “Do you still hate me?”

“I don’t…know. Sometimes. You’re still killing…killing all my…comrades.”

“All the while they’re murdering mine.”

“I’m aware. I never claimed this was black and white. It’s war.” His mouth met yours, and you did not pull away. You allowed your eyelids to descend partway, though you did not respond otherwise nor return the kiss. When he cupped your cheek, however, you gave him a single kiss, a sort of gesture of appreciation for his kindness—the cookie, the fact that he had not responded to your attempt on his life with violence. He tensed, you could feel him stiffen as though he wasn’t sure how to respond to the fact that you were, even if only momentarily, an active participant. You had taken him off guard. “Why are you keeping me here still? You don’t need me anymore.” You met his eye. “I know nothing about the final cell.”

“You may believe that to be true, tooke, but I know otherwise. The smallest of clues… The First Order will find the other Resistance splinter cell using _you_ as a guide.”

“Dreadful,” you muttered with distaste. “Monstrous deeds.”

“It’s war,” he repeated simply then kissed you.

_All is fair in love and war;  
Yet they claim life is not fair.  
Such strange contradictions they tell,  
When wars are our lives everywhere._


	13. THIRTEEN

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Thirteen: Prisoner of the First Order

_As our bodies lie entwined,  
I am not yours, you are not mine;  
Strangers interlocked with fate,  
One of us the killer, the other the bait._

If someone had told you that you would be straddling Kylo Ren’s face, you would have wondered what the hell they were talking about. If they had told you that you would be grinding down against him as he moaned underneath you, his tongue buried in your cunt, you would have blushed and probably either slapped or punched them in the face. Yet that was exactly what you were doing. Your hands were still in their restraints, so you could not grab at his head, else you would. Instead you pressed yourself closer against him. You could feel his lips curl into a smile, his eyes full-blown as he stared up at you in with a lust-filled gaze.

Your breathing was heavy, and you threw your head back as you were brought to orgasm. Kylo Ren swallowed greedily, his tongue lapping until he had his fill. Only then did he turn you around so that he could lower you where your head was upon the pillow. The sound of his zipper being dragged down had your eyebrows rising. Before he did anything else, he crossed his arms in front of himself, grabbed the hem of his shirt, and pulled the cloth over his head. Your eyes wandered along his naked torso. He was well-toned; something you could have appreciated more had the two of you been on the same side of the war. You pushed aside such thoughts, allowing yourself to be wrapped up in the moment.

The sight of him seizing his bottom lip with his teeth as he pushed the head of his cock into you had you gasping as much as the pleasant pressure derived from that action. He was clearly enjoying himself, letting go more than he ever had. His mouth was open, his eyes closing as he started to fuck you. You licked your lips, watching as he moved so that his chest was to yours. Your shirt was riding up on you; he hadn’t touched it in any attempt to remove the cloth from you. A part of you was thankful for this—a rather _large_ part. His mouth was on your throat, tongue and teeth attacking until he shifted to kiss your cheek. You nuzzled your way to his neck.

Having been so obedient up to that point, you were able to go for it. He had his defenses down, and you sunk your teeth into him. Blood splashed into your mouth, and you kept biting down. Harder and harder—until his hand flew up and he pinched the sides of your face so that you were forced to release him. Kylo Ren pulled out of you, thrusting you away from him and onto the ground. You rolled, leapt up to your feet, and headbutted him, knocking him back against the bed when he had been attempting to stand.

In your peripheral, you could see he had one hand over the injury, keeping the blood from rushing out of him. It was not necessarily a fatal wound, however you knew you had gotten him good. You whipped to the side when he successfully stood, turned, and aimed a kick in his direction. He caught it on his forearm, extended his hand, and summoned his lightsaber into it. You watched as it flew across the room. You grit your teeth, knowing that even one-handed he was a formidable foe. Even mostly naked with his cock hanging out. The man ignited the three plasma blades, and you had to literally drop to the ground to avoid losing an arm.

You rolled— _towards_ him rather than away. At the same time, you angled your body so that you could thrust both your feet at his thigh. You were forced to instead hook your legs halfway up the length of his, using his limbs to pull yourself around him so that you were not stabbed in the shoulder. Sparks flew from where the hot blade met the floor.

 _I need my fucking hands!_ you screamed in your head. The next time he aimed an attack your way, you maneuvered yourself so that the blade cut through the chain that connected the shackles on your wrists. Though your hands were still covered by the mittens, which you could not remove due to the shackles, you found that you were able to better defend yourself. You extended one of your arms, using your uninjured hand to grab a part of the bed. You threw yourself across the piece of furniture, putting some distance between you and your captor. _A weapon…a weapon…_

Suddenly, however, you were paralyzed. You swore in your head, having forgotten about his ability to render you immobile in your desperation to harm or even kill him. You had been on your best behavior since he had given you the cookie; yet while you had been locked away from him for those six cycles, you had been plotting. If kindness was your weakness, you had wondered, why could it not be his as well? And you had learned from your mistake with the mirror shard. He was _always_ on his guard…except for when you were having sex with him.

As he moved around the bed, he at last dropped his hand from his neck in order to adjust himself. You watched the blood slipping down him at a rate that suggested he would need stitches; perhaps a blood transfusion if he took too long in seeking medical attention. You felt a certain level of satisfaction in knowing _you_ had given him that injury. Even if you were about to be killed. 

Kylo Ren loomed over you, slowly raising his lightsaber until one of the crossguards was level with your throat. Being paralyzed, you could do nothing except move your eyes to watch each movement he made. Your captor turned the lightsaber to the side and brought the smaller plasma blade closer to your neck. You could feel the heat emanating from it, sweat gathering on your body. Closer and closer. The heat practically burning you—and then doing just that when for a split second it touched your flesh. He drew back the blade almost immediately. You knew then that he had no intention of killing you. No; you, apparently, still held information he wanted.

His thumb hit the switch, and the blades disappeared. “You react poorly to kindness.” Metal and his fist collided with the side of your face. You felt something snap in your jaw and a flash of red and white clouded your vision as you fell to the floor. You were once more in control of your body, not that it did you any good. Raising one of your mitten-clad hands, you touched your face and immediately shuddered. Dislocated, you knew.

He stepped away, the man stumbling a single step due to his blood loss. Though you had ultimately lost and though you were in pain, you inwardly gloated. Kylo Ren tossed his lightsaber onto the bed, covered his wound once more to stifle the flow of blood, and picked up his commlink. He called for a physician as well as stormtroopers. You were dragged out of the room almost immediately, the stormtroopers taking you to med bay so that your dislocated jaw could be remedied.

You were shackled to one of the beds and heavily drugged. The physicians gave you a liquid diet. As for clothing, following a shower you were given a gown commonly worn by patients. You objected to nothing, much too out of it with the drugs they were giving you.

On one of the occasions when you awoke, you blinked your eyes open to find General Hux standing at the end of your bed. His cold stare, those blue eyes, were taking you in with minor curiosity and more than a little disgust. He asked one of the nurses about your condition; it seemed he wanted to use you for more information. Given that you were still having pain and difficulty opening your mouth much, the redhead left without getting what he wanted from you.

When you had recovered a bit more, you were removed from medbay and taken instead to one of the cells aboard the _Finalizer_. You waited whenever you were awake, counting the seconds and minutes and hours that piled atop one another. It was not as though you had anything better to do.

You took to fantasizing about the past, about a number of your fallen comrades.

_Ip sighed in contentment as he lay on his back. You were lying beside him. The two of you had completed a mission wherein not a single one of your comrades had lost their lives. It was not as though there were **constant** battles between the Resistance and the First Order. Sometimes it was hard to forget that. Yet when the two of you were on your backs and staring up at all the constellations, it was even harder to remember that there was a war going on at all._

_“Meep, what’s your biggest fear?” he asked. Your eyes slid over to Ip. You had seen the creature—person, your mind corrected, yet you ignored it—known as Kylo Ren three times on the battlefield now. That was where your thoughts immediately flew to, however you nudged them aside._

_Your gaze left his face to return to the stars. “I…don’t know. Being helpless?”_

_“Helpless against what?” Ip questioned, urging you to elaborate. Your lips tugged into a frown. Beside you, the man snorted. “Sheesh. If you have to think that hard about it…everything?”_

_“Well… It’s hard to think about, like, how it was before I joined the Resistance. I was only afraid of more simple things. Not being beautiful. Dying young. Not having a decent job or family. A lot of superficial things.”_

_“Dying young doesn’t seem superficial.”_

_“I was also afraid of growing old,” you admitted, wrinkling your nose. That earned a chuckle from your companion. “I guess…it’s that… It was superficial then. I’m still afraid that I will die…die young at that…in this war. But it isn’t uselessly throwing my life away. What I meant by dying young was that…something stupid would happen, and I wouldn’t have done anything worth having lived for. Joining the Resistance…I am willing to die for this, and that doesn’t seem like a waste to me.”_

_“I think this is why you’re my favorite right now, Meep.” Your frown disappeared, your lips pulling upwards into a small smile. “For your age…you have a mature outlook on things.” For your age. As though you were not even an adult, yet you were. It nearly made you laugh, however your smile merely grew a few inches. “You understand and appreciate the risks, but you know it’s worth it… Not everyone has that level of conviction. And a number who do, man, I think they would crumble in the face of adversity.” It was a high compliment, and you found yourself speechless upon hearing it. “Don’t change, Meep. Don’t let this war break you at all.” You nodded, still unable to find your voice._

The door to your cell opened. You snapped out of your thoughts. Icy-blue eyes set in a cold gaze. Red hair. General Hux strode into the cell with you. His hands were clasped behind his back, and he had an air of superiority about him befitting of his position. He moved forward until he was directly in front of you. You did not flinch under his scrutiny, though you felt rather unnerved by it.

“There are a number of ways to extract information from you,” he drawled, as though it were beneath him to have you even _breathing_ in his presence. “I am aware of your stubbornness. Now, how shall we proceed?”

You blinked slowly. “You should kill me,” you said evenly. His lips quirked up into a smirk. There was something in his gaze that spoke admiration, though he gave no words of praise; not that you had expected him to, given that the two of you were enemies. “I’ve said it repeatedly.”

“Yes, I am aware,” he said, cocking his head to the side. “And yet we have managed to obtain information from you all the same. It has taken time, however you have proven to be quite useful.”

“I have nothing left to say, to give,” you stated, prompting General Hux to step closer. He kept a certain distance between your face and his. This was much different than how Kylo Ren had treated you. “What?”

The high ranking First Order officer released what sounded almost as though it was a breathy laugh. “Other Resistance members who were subjected to isolation broke within the first week.” You blinked. “It’s been three, and here you aren’t even begging to give me information. I see now what Ren spoke of; you _are_ patient. How long were you placed in solitary confinement during your training?” Your lips pressed into a thin line. “Such a cruel method, yet they clearly conducted themselves in an effective manner. The entire second cell _wasn’t_ eliminated, was it? There are three long-distance shooters per cell at any given time. Two of which are highly trained. One always a trainee to replace one of the other two. Only one of the veterans deployed at a time.

“That much we obtained by watching you, by tracking the movements of your cell…by killing the members of it. The second cell—we had believed that all were eliminated, however I had my doubts. The trainee and one of the veterans were killed. Yet the other, after observing you, I have come to conclusion that she or he is alive. In hiding. _Patient_. But the First Order is plenty patient as well. And you do have your uses. Simply speaking to you, my suspicions have been confirmed.” You narrowed your eyes at him, your face flushing hot at your unwitting betrayal of Resistance information. “Would you like a shower?”

You snarled. “If you’re going to rape me—“

He laughed, a rich sound. “Oh. No. Physically, I won’t deny that you are appealing. However, I have no interest in fucking you. You’re Resistance.” You waited for that next word, the one so many of the First Order spoke. Yet he did not utter it, not until he at last removed his hands from behind his back and set the fingertips of one to his forehead. “Scum, correct? You are fascinating. The first, and perhaps only, that I don’t quite consider to be scum. In fact, your dedication is admirable.” How many times had you been told such things? “A number of my officers are, sadly, lacking in such faith. In such determination.

“Make no mistake: you are a _prisoner_ of the First Order. Yet I can be civil. You can choose to remain here for longer—weeks, if it need be. Or you may have a shower in exchange for something so simple.” He paused. A dramatic effect that he employed so well. You felt yourself holding your breath. “I merely need to know how long you were tutored for.”

“Wh-what?” It had not been what you were expecting. In a way, it was a relief that Kylo Ren had not been able to snatch such information from you. The walls you put up were only so thick. You had been trained using solitary confinement in order for you to learn how to put up such mental walls. To not break so easily. To entertain yourself with ponderings, memories, and fantasies. “Tutored for?”

“Yes. In general. A rough estimate.”

“Why?”

“You’re the reason we latched onto the idea that there might even be a splinter cell. Your accuracy is astounding. Twelve high-ranking officers, most of whom were heavily guarded. Yet you managed to get those shots in. How long did they train you for?”

“You’re wondering whether or not I had a history with such weapons…”

“I am,” he admitted so plainly that it took you a moment to take it in. “Judging by your expression, I would say this is so.”

“Never long-distance.”

“You did, however, have a history with guns?” There truly was no harm in him knowing this. It had no effect on their search for the other Resistance members. You dipped your chin in a nod of confirmation. General Hux was perfectly silent for a number of seconds. The pregnant pause allowed you time to appreciate why he was in the position he was, why he held his position. This man was notorious amongst the Resistance members. You understood why. He was calculating, obviously willing to take risks. “I believe I promised a shower.” You felt your heart begin to race, anticipation and dread welling up inside of you. “A stromtrooper will come to escort…” He trailed off, his brow furrowing when you tensed. “What a queer reaction. Not that I can blame you. Trusting your enemy can be a foolish thing.”

“It’s what you permit them to do.”

“Hm? Ah, the ‘troopers themselves?” Again did you nod. “I see.” General Hux lifted the restraints that you were put in whenever you were hosed down—this had happened only a handful of times during the weeks you had been kept locked up—and worked them onto your wrists and ankles.

You did nothing to protest, to make him change his mind about leading you out of your cell himself. General Hux placed a gloved hand on your back and nudged you towards the door. You stumbled forward, your legs weak from lack of use. Righting yourself, you walked through the door when it opened. Officers and stormtroopers alike looked your way. They stood at attention when they noticed the General, who hardly paid them any heed. You could feel his eyes on you. Always analytical with you, learning from you. A formidable foe, you knew. The hairs on your arms stood on end.

You did not know how to feel when clearly he was escorting you to his private quarters. He had claimed to have no interest in touching you despite his admission that you were physically appealing to him. You wanted to take him at his word, as he had been honest with you thus far. Yet to trust your enemy, as he had stated, could be a foolish thing.

When the pair of you arrived inside his quarters, General Hux seized up his blaster. His finger slid over the trigger and his eyes wandered to your wrists as he unbound them. Holding the weapon level with your head, he instructed you to undo the restraints on your ankles. You obeyed, glad to be rid of them. His eyes were glued to your hands. More specifically, to the two tattoos. His lips twitched before twisting into a cruel smile. He said nothing, however, of the matter and instead gestured towards the door to the refresher. You made your way inside, knowing he was following you and would not leave you alone. This man did not trust you; and for that, you respected him all the more.

You undressed when you were told to do so. He kept his blaster pointed at you at all times. Even while you turned on the spray, waited for the water to heat up, and then climbed inside.

You looked at the scar on your hand from where the mirror shard had dug into your flesh. You turned your hand then and stared at the tattoo. He had put his name on you. Both his names. Yet you were something he was willing to discard when it came down to it. He truly did view you as spoils of war. A mere possession. Like a toy that a mother labels for her child in case it gets lost.

As you thought such things, you had reached for the soap, lathering it into a foam that you scrubbed onto your body. You fully showered, accepting a razor when General Hux handed it to you with the hand that was not holding the blaster. You eyed his weapon, which caused him to smile sardonically and inform you that it was of no use to you. His fingerprint was needed, you ascertained from this comment. You finished showering, shut off the water, and wrung out your hair before wrapping a towel around your body. You were allowed to dry off before he led you back to the other portion of his quarters.

There was a fresh pile of clothing on a chair. Folded to perfection, waiting for you. Upon being told that it was allowed, you walked over to the chair and grabbed the clothes. It was a sort of jumpsuit. Definitely a prisoner’s suit.

You were well aware this was not like your times with Kylo Ren. As soon as you were dressed, General Hux escorted you back to your cell. You had half expected him to pry, to attempt to gain more information from you. Why else take you all the way to his personal quarters? You did not dwell on such thoughts. You were perfectly complacent as he led you back to your cell, as he once more strapped you down to the table.

“So well trained in patience,” General Hux murmured. You could hear the appreciation in his voice, the admiration. You well understood where it came from. He was a general, after all. It was natural he would wish the same skills for all his men. The fact that he could appreciate it in an enemy spoke volumes. In many ways he was as deadly as Kylo Ren. “Yet it is human nature to seek out companionship, even if only on a temporary basis. He has no desire to see you—what was it he called you? Naboo…tooke?” You flinched. His voice was so level, so passive. He was not exactly teasing you, yet his words were like punches.

Kylo Ren had no desire to see you, your mind repeated. He had used you all up, gotten his fill. Or perhaps you had simply injured him enough to make him realize he could not take you lightly.

“We know precisely which planet the other LDS is currently on. Monitoring all in-coming and out-going ships. No red flags yet. Perhaps he or she died from injuries received.”

“You’re looking for a body for confirmation of that.”

“Naturally.” He once more used a pause, although this time it was to change gears. “You are surprisingly well-mannered.” You furrowed your brow, confused as to what he was implying. “Many in your position throw out careless insults, some of which betray information without them realizing what it is they are doing. You, on the other hand, know how to hold your tongue. You seem to choose your words carefully.” You narrowed your eyes, observing him as he watched you. “I am quite fluent in body language as well. Your feelings towards Ren are rather intriguing. Such conflict. You want him dead, and yet… Who is it that he reminds you of?”

“I don’t know what—“

“You needn’t lie. I am sure you’re more than aware that he reminds you of someone… or multiple people. Your general, no doubt,” he said, his smirk fully formed. You were uncertain whether or not the entire First Order knew of Kylo Ren’s heritage, however it seemed that _this_ man did. “However, there seems to be someone else… Perhaps someone from your childhood?” You did nothing more than blink, however he tilted his head back a fraction of an inch, satisfied. “I see. A first love?” You frowned. “No?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Simple curiosity.”

“I’ve heard it’s deadly.”

“You are, by far, the most intriguing prisoner we have had.” It was a compliment, and in a way you were able to take it as such. He was referring to your personality, your reactions. Not your rank. Not your gender. Nothing other than the way you were communicating with him. It almost unnerved you, how much respect this man had managed to gain from you. You would never agree with him, his methods, or his cause; yet you would never be able to deny that you, too, were drawn into the conversation. “Childhood is a rather influential time in our lives.”

You stared at him, allowing your head to tilt to the side. “It was a character in a book.”

“That he reminds you of?”

“Not exactly. One of my friends on Naboo liked the character. I didn’t. It wasn’t until I was older that I finally understood the appeal the character had for her. A certain complexity that you don’t comprehend when you’re younger.”

“I see. Your interactions with Ren have reminded you of such complexities.”

“Where were you raised?”

There was a moment of quiet, which you believed meant he would not answer. “Arkanis.”

“I’ve never been there.” You sighed, closing your eyes and turning your face away from him. “The senator is part of the Centrist faction, isn’t she?”

“You’re rather well-versed in politics.”

“Not really. There is a lot I don’t know.”

“Is that modesty or avoidance?”

You chuckled, shaking your head a bit. “Both. You truly are perceptive.”

“It is solely the fact that you remain respectful that I am humoring your need for a conversation,” General Hux stated.

It was your turn to smirk. “Plus the off-chance that I reveal anything useful to you.”

“There is that,” he said, crossing his arms behind his back and watching you. You had once more turned to him, your eyes meeting his. “Yet I must admit that I don’t think you would be so careless…not yet. Perhaps the two of us will speak again…following the execution of the other LDS.”

You grit your teeth, yet kept your mouth shut as the First Order General left your cell.

Alone again, with nothing but your thoughts. You waited, waited, and waited. Time passed you by once more. You knew it had been longer than a day since the redhead had spoken with you. But exactly how long?

 _Kylo Ren doesn’t even care if I am well… He wants me dead._ You sighed. _That’s how it **should** be._

The door to your cell opened, and you again jumped. It wasn’t mealtime yet, was it? Your confusion only grew when Urvno stepped around so that you could see him. He had a kit with him, a syringe with local anesthetics. The physician nodded in greeting before setting to work at what he had come to do. He removed the chip from you, the birth control. You watched him, having forgotten it was even in you. You had forgotten that they needed to be replaced every now and again. Yet he did not lift up another syringe.

Urvno was beginning to pack away his things when you spoke to him. “That’s it?”

“There is no…need…for a new chip.”

“…I need to speak with…with General Hux.” Urvno appeared taken aback, however he fingered his pocket before drawing out his commlink. You waited patiently as he requested the general’s presence. A confirmation that the man would come came through the commlink. You and Urvno waited. When the redhead did enter, his eyes darted immediately to you, an expectant look on his face. “I… I need…the… I need a new chip.”

“A new chip,” General Hux repeated. His lips tugged into a frown. “You’ve been fondled in the past?” You swallowed down some spit as you slowly began to nod. It ashamed you to admit as much. Here you were, asking for a sort of mercy from your enemy. General Hux looked to Urvno. “Do it.” As his order was carried out, his blue eyes lingered on you. “Another week. It’s been a month since you’ve been here. A small portion of the third cell was located. All minor players. The cell knew to go into hiding… There must be a means of communication between the three cells. It would be how the Resistance would know when to send in new LDS trainees when replacements are needed.

“There is a chance the third cell has been dissolved from its previous state. Yet the LDS… the three from the third cell, and the one from the second, will continue to be hunted; make no mistake of that. You said you have never been to Arkanis.”

“So?” You winced as the chip was pushed into you.

“A Centrist faction of the New Republic. Those in opposition to your general, or at least the most vocal about it. If one wanted to hide, it would not be there. Too much of a risk. Neutral territory, or else one of the Populists’s planets. But they cannot hide forever.”

“You…you’ve infiltrated the New Republic…those Centrists…”

“You listen well. However, I would not necessarily call it an infiltration. The two factions were quite honest with their views.”

“Perhaps not to the extreme that they held them.”

“Perhaps not. This is true for both sides.” General Hux waited until Urvno finished putting away his things and left before speaking. “You’ve resigned yourself to your fate, I am sure. You’re willing to accept death for the sake of one last ditch effort at aiding the Resistance. Be that by holding your tongue or by harming someone… You would attempt to kill me if given the chance.”

“I would.”

“We understand one another.”

“That you plan to use me in some way…that I will fight against it. That’s all I understand.”

“I see. Then I will show you the same respect you have displayed by telling you this: unlike in the past, the punches will not be held. Ren has no interest in keeping you alive any longer. You are at our complete mercy.”

“You’re a merciless man.”

“I am a strategic man,” he countered, causing you to hold your tongue. “Ren has no interest in keeping you alive. I, on the other hand, am aware of certain benefits in not yet killing you. You need only to be properly tamed. You’re patient, yet so am I. I do not expect you to agree with me, nor am I under any misconception that you will ever fully yield to the First Order. However, I am aware of what lengths you would go to in order to aid the Resistance. What straws you would grasp at. So long as I control what victories you achieve, there can be no harm.”

“In other words, you’re treating me like a muzzled dog.”

“Or perhaps a de-clawed cat.”

“I guess that would be more accurate.”

“In that you will attempt to lash out with your teeth—with whatever resources and at whatever chance you get? Precisely.”

“You truly are a ruthless man.” His smile was a little less cruel, as though he appreciated your characterization of him.

_I left one monster for another;  
One had claws and the other had teeth.  
Always there was one thing I feared—  
Their silver tongues would frighten me._


	14. FOURTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter: it's over 9000!!!

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Fourteen: You Never Forget

_The sultry question:  
Can you be good for me?  
The delicious answer:  
Baby, I’ll be bad._

From the moment he had revealed his plans to use you for his own agenda, you had known that everything would be conducted on _his_ terms. It was not immediately that you were taken from your cell, but instead the following cycle. A stormtrooper escorted you to the general’s personal quarters. The redhead was not present to greet you, and thus you had to endure the ’trooper’s lecherous stare as you showered. It was perverse, indeed; you knew this from the way his breathing altered the moment you were allowed to strip out of your clothes. Every moment you waited for the armored man to take advantage of you, to touch you in some way. He did not.

It was only when you heard the door to the general’s quarters open and the man bark out an order for the stormtrooper to leave that you fully relaxed. You finished showering, dried yourself off with the two towels that were available—one for your hair and the other for your body—and then wrapped one of those towels around your body before stepping out of the refresher. You paused in the doorway, blinking and allowing your gaze to travel up and down the redhead’s body.

In the few times you had seen him, he had never before worn the greatcoat that was slung over his shoulders. His arms were not through the sleeves, instead the limbs were relaxed at his sides. You clutched the towel closer to your body, completely unsure how to react. He looked…you did not dare finish the thought. General Hux stood his ground. You felt him returning your gaze, observing you and your reaction to the sight of him. “And to think I don’t yet have my hat,” he remarked, and you felt your cheeks heat up. “Dress…” His voice trailed off, as though he remembered that he had no name for you. You had nearly supplied him with _tooke_ , yet had held your tongue.

You moved over to the chair that held your new jumpsuit, and pulled on the clothing. As you did so, you could hear General Hux sliding his arms through his sleeves. You eyed him in your peripheral. You were unrestrained. He was unarmed.

His lips quirked into a smirk as though he could read your thoughts. “I should inform you that I bite back.” Unsure whether or not he was being literal, you ducked a bit. You finished dressing. When you turned, you froze completely. He had pulled on his hat. The First Order insignia was standing proud atop his head. Yet the shape of the hat, in a way, complimented his features. “Certainly the members of the Resistance also wear uniforms.”

“Uh…huh…” Your eyes were darting up and down his body. It wasn’t what you had expected. The other members of the First Order had uniforms as well, and you hadn’t batted an eye. It was the way the man carried himself. He looked _good_ , and not only due to the uniform. There was something all the more masculine about him. “I just never thought I would have the urge to refer to a member of the First Order as _sir_.”

“Are you attempting to make me blush?” he asked with a sort of lilt that had _you_ blushing more deeply. “I cannot help but wonder if you would be so vulnerable to my words had Ren not kept you away from human contact. It seems I underestimate him in that respect. He _did_ know what he was doing…yet let his guard down with you.”

Your blush faded at the mention of the man who was responsible for your current position. The burn to your neck had healed, yet there was still a mark on it. You lowered your gaze to the floor at the thought of it. You wondered if his neck had a scar on it where you had bitten him. Likely not; he would have received the best of care to prevent something like that from occurring. You snapped out of your reverie at the sound of General Hux stepping closer to you. He took your left wrist into his hand, lifting up your arm so that he could inspect the tattoo on your ring finger. Your gaze, meanwhile, drifted down to the name of _Ben Solo_.

“For the time being you will not be restrained. Should you prove to be unable to handle this privilege, it will be remedied and you will be punished. Is this clear to you?”

“Y…yes.” His eyes were on your face, and he appeared to be waiting. It was a blow to your pride when you realized _what_ he was waiting for. “Sir.”

You followed him out of his quarters. The members of the First Order that you passed by greeted the general with reverence then shot you looks of disgust. Some of them seemed surprised that you were not in restraints. You knew why it was. It was part of your training, for you to learn to be obedient to the general for the sake of appearances. The only reason you did not attempt anything was that you knew the futility of such actions; and he had already admitted that there would be ample chances for you to help the Resistance, albeit in small ways. You would take what you could get, you had decided.

General Hux took you to the bridge of the _Finalizer_. There was a generous amount of stormtroopers and officers alike. Even if you wanted to try something, you would not be able to succeed. Some eyed you, their hands near their weapons. You wondered if they were set to stun or kill. The redhead quickened his pace a fraction, breaking away from you and approaching another officer. You paused where you were. You watched the general interact with his subordinate then resumed looking around. You had never before been on a vessel this large. Never been on the bridge of a vessel even half this size. It was quite a view, both through the glass of the windows and of the interior itself. The amount of individuals needed to keep the Star Destroyer running up to the highest standards was noteworthy.

A chrome-armored stormtrooper bypassed you. You stared at your reflection in the armor, then startled when the individual addressed the general. A female voice. Your eyebrows rose. True, you could see that there were plenty of females in the First Order from those working on the bridge alone. Yet you had not expected a female _stormtrooper_ , much less one of her rank as captain. You felt as though everything was suddenly surreal when she voiced that _Commander Ren_ was returning to the Star Destroyer. He had been away—for how long, you wondered.

Then you willed away such ponderings, recalling that the general had said the Force user did not care whether you lived or died. You curled both your thumbs towards your ring fingers. Discarded, your mind shot. You momentarily wished that someone would cut off your fingers, or at least skin them around where the tattoos were.

“Prisoner!” General Hux snapped out, as though he were speaking to a subordinate rather than an enemy. You jumped all the same at the authoritative tone. “To me.” As though you were some dog; yet you obeyed, shuffling over to him with your lips pressed into a tight, thin line. He kept you near his side no matter where he walked. The chrome-armored warrior, who held the name of Phasma, also remained nearby. She and the general conversed at random between issuing orders and listening to statistics. Your brain buzzed with all the information, with the multitude of voices. It was more than you had experienced in months. The redhead’s eyes slipped to you. “You may be seated.” He had led you to a chair away from any of the consoles. You lowered yourself onto the seat, rested your elbows on your thighs, and cupped your head in your hands.

“He is likely still speaking with Supreme Leader,” Captain Phasma said when General Hux appeared to check the time. His face was set in a scowl. “We will have the results of his mission shortly.”

It had been a month since you had heard them, yet you recognized the sounds of his footsteps immediately. Hard, as though he wanted nothing more than to strike fear in the hearts of everyone around him. You well knew that he could be perfectly quiet if he wanted to—after all, he had approached you that fateful day without you realizing he was there until he had wanted you to know. The fingers near your hair twitched. You wanted to lower your hands and grip the chair, yet you did not. You remained in the same position as Kylo Ren made his way to Captain Phasma and General Hux. He seemed to ignore you completely.

_Just a discarded toy… A replaceable body…_

“None were LDS.” Your chest felt hollow yet beyond full at the same time when you heard that modulated voice. His words struck you; they were still hunting the cell, and more of your allies had perished by his hand. “The lead of the former cell, however, has been eliminated.”

“That is just as well,” General Hux stated flatly. Kylo Ren angled his body so that you were not in his line of vision. You had at last dropped your hands and were staring blankly at the black form. “Her training has begun. She should be ready by the time we are to depart.”

“Should she fail to serve her purpose, Snoke has ordered her death.”

“It won’t come to that,” General Hux said, his gaze sliding to you. You swallowed hard, the muscles in your thighs tensing and your legs pressing towards one another. It had been a month since you had been near him. You were waiting—to see his face, to hear his real voice, for him to look at you, for him to acknowledge that you existed beyond the capacity as prisoner of the First Order.

“We shall see.” Kylo Ren broke away from Captain Phasma and General Hux. You watched his robes billowing behind him, swishing with every step.

When he was satisfied with your progress, General Hux ordered a stormtrooper to take you away. You obediently followed, more than a little surprised that you were still unrestrained. Shocked when the cell you were led to was different. A bed. It was a meager thing, yet it had a pillow and a blanket. A toilet—an actual toilet rather than a bucket—in a corner. You climbed onto the bed, curling up and staring at the wall as your escort left. You heard the door being locked, listened as a guard was set up in front of the door to your cell. Waited.

You lifted a hand to your face, your fingers tracing over your lips.

How easy it would have been, to feel relief that Kylo Ren seemed to no longer have an interest in you, if he had been solely cruel. If he had never brought you those little gifts. Had never stated that he kissed you out of respect. Had never been so _vulnerable_ when near you. It was the small part of him that was still the general’s son—and he would deny it, fight tooth and nail to reject these facts—that had you… You squeezed your eyes closed. You did miss him, in small ways.

If given the chance, you would not take back the bite. Instead, you would wish to have successfully killed him. You could have managed missing him if he was dead. Yet it stung, the thought that he was alive without any hope of being saved. The idea that death might be the only way to free him of his identity as Kylo Ren. You could not help but imagine the pained expression on General Organa’s face if ever she had to hear that her son was dead. You doubted she believed the man was beyond salvation. A mother’s hope, a mother’s love.

_You sat in your mother’s lap, your arms crossed over your chest and a pout on your face. Though you had declared your hatred of the woman, she only smiled sadly and pulled you closer to her. Your mother wound her arms around you, rested her chin on the top of your head, and dipped her face forward so that she could place a light kiss against you. “Well, **I** still love you. I’ll always love you, even when you’re a terror.” You wrinkled your nose. In your opinion, it wasn’t your fault. In your opinion, your fit had been completely warranted._

_“No. You don’t love me,” you protested. If you were completely honest, you did not believe that at all. But you weren’t being honest; you were being a typical six-year-old who was mad that she did not get her way. Your mother whispered your name, her voice filled with love. You sniffled, feeling tears pricking at your eyes as you tried to deny it so that you could hold onto your indignation, so that you did not have to face that fact that you were the one in the wrong._

_“You’re so stubborn sometimes,” she said with a small laugh. Another kiss to the top of your head._

You flipped over onto your back and stared up at the ceiling. The sound of the cell door opening had dragged you away from your thoughts. Those familiar footsteps. The leather of his gloved hand was in your peripheral as he extended his arm. You felt a scraping at your mind, tendrils of pain pushing into you so that you curled up and whimpered. You grabbed at your head, tears leaking out of your eyes.

“The cells must interact with one another…for there to be enough long-distance shooters… Someone to teach others should the two be killed before the trainee has finished being tutored. Who is it?” It felt as though you were being stabbed, knives dragging up and down your skull. “Someone finished your training… Someone who left, and you were to pretend had been killed. Who—?” Your mind had flashed, for an instant, to Ip. “There.” A hum of thought. “There must be another…” The implication made you gag, even as the waves of pain dispersed. Kylo Ren had discovered Ip; he had killed the man. You grit your teeth as you looked up at him and glared.

He ignored your expression, lowering his hand and turning away from you. You twisted up into a sitting position then planted your feet firmly against the ground. You rose, moving to follow, when you felt something pinching your throat closed. You grasped at your neck, clawing at the invisible force that was choking you. Kylo Ren exited your cell, and only then could you properly breathe.

You fell to your knees, bowing your head against the ground and wrapping your arms around yourself as you sobbed. Ip was dead, your mind screamed. He was truly dead now.

When you recovered from crying, you used the toilet, rinsed your hands, and then slipped back into bed. This time you pulled the covers over yourself, the blankets past your head.

_Ip slung his bag over his shoulder, his eyes dancing along your face as he turned towards the shuttle that would be taking him away. To train more for the Resistance. “Be good,” he said, giving you a mock salute. You nodded, not trusting your voice. Your throat felt so thick. “Don’t think too much about it. You’ll be fine. You’re one of the best.” You thrust yourself towards him, wrapping your arms around his torso and burying your face in his chest. You could feel snot and tears dripping down your face. You were ugly crying, and you hoped he wouldn’t mind that you were dirtying his shirt. Ip sighed, wrapped an arm around you, and patted your back. “You’ll do fine.”_

_“I’ll miss you.” Your voice was thick._

_Ip patted your back again. “I’ll miss you too, Meep.” It hurt more that the two of you had to put it in your minds that you had each died. A sick game of make-believe to protect the other. “Be good.”_

_“I will. Be safe.”_

_“Of course.”_

Kylo Ren had killed him, you told yourself again when you woke up. Your eyes ran along his name on your finger. You traced the letters as the door to the cell opened. The boot steps were different. General Hux, you noted. You kept the blanket over your head and waited. The redhead released a noise. You drew down the covers, looking up at him. His eyes swept along your hair, which you did not doubt was messy. He reached forward, smoothing out some of the strands.

“You understand now one of the reasons we have kept you alive?” he asked in a drawl.

“To verify any suspicions you may have,” you croaked, your throat sore from the crying you had done as well as from when Kylo Ren had choked you. General Hux gave a wry smile. “You know I won’t hand over information easily…but if you have a lead…there are ways for you to break down my defenses.”

“You sound so bitter,” he said with mock hurt. He dropped the façade when he pressed on. “You have been behaving rather nicely. Would you like a shower?”

“In exchange for…?”

“More good behavior, naturally.”

“You’re using human acts of kindness as a means for training. A bed. A proper toilet. A shower. If I misbehave, _sir_ , what is it you’ll do to me?”

“That depends, of course, on the severity of the offense. However, as you have likely guessed, such privileges will be taken away. A catheter or bucket. No bed. Restraints. Your current attire is also a privilege.”

“I see… I’ll behave…as much as I did yesterday.”

“That is all I expect,” he stated whilst taking a step backwards to allow you room to rise. As before, you allowed him to escort you without acting out. There was already a fresh set of clothing waiting for you on his chair. You ignored these in favor of entering the refresher. This time, General Hux did not follow you inside. You took a deep breath and waited. He must have heard your hesitance. “Are you _wanting_ an audience?” The humor in his tone caused your cheeks to heat up.

“N-no,” you stuttered then started to strip. You were thankful that he was allowing you some privacy. As he had stated in the past, the two of you had an understanding. He valued good behavior and was rewarding it. You were each knowingly using the other. You could handle that. You showered, and it was the first time you were able to relax so completely. No eyes on you though you did not doubt you were being watched—the general using his ears for the sake of surveillance.

When you were finished, you dried off and walked into the room with the towel still wrapped around you. In the corner of your eye you noticed that he was reading through some reports. The man did not look up as you pulled on the clean jumpsuit. He did, however, mention that there was a hairbrush you could use in the third drawer of the counter in the refresher. You walked there, watching yourself in the mirror as you performed such a normally mundane task. For you, it was everything. You felt almost normal.

General Hux walked into the refresher after a bit, his eyes traveling along you. You stared at his reflection in the mirror. “You shouldn’t over-brush,” he said. You set down the comb, your fingers trailing along its handle. “Come here.” His voice was almost soft, as though he were attempting to get you to drop your guard—yet you knew that wasn’t quite it. You shifted closer to him, turning around when he motioned for you to do so. His hands were fixing your hair, pulling it back and then tying it back with a hairpiece he removed from a drawer. Finished with this task, he removed his hands from you.

You reached back, feeling the way your hair was put up while at the same time looking at it in the mirror. “He killed my mentor.” He blinked a single time. “Do you keep logs of it?”

“The name?”

“Ip…no. Ivun Porl.”

“Ah, the LDS trainer for the cells. Yes, he was killed during Ren’s previous mission. At that time, he was our primary target.”

“Do you intend to refer to me solely as _prisoner_?” you asked, looking at him. General Hux raised a brow. “For the sake of appearances—I imagine you will use me to appear _civil_ despite your position as my captor, when it comes to political view—it is unwise. I don’t doubt that you’re aware of this. What is it you plan on calling me?”

“I have yet to decide,” General Hux replied. He smiled lazily. “Did you have a preference?”

“No, not really,” you said. “I was just curious.”

“You’ve been known by a number of things, haven’t you?”

“Tooke. Meep. Trainee. Prisoner. Resistance scum. KS”—the last you pronounced as _kiss_ , drawing a look of confusion from the man before you told him it stood for kill-shot, at which point he chuckled—“and a few others. What are you waiting for?”

“To see what name you earn, naturally.” He observed your face for a number of seconds. “How strange—you do seem to miss him. He was your only, is that it?”

“Hmm?”

“Ren. You had never been touched by a man before, had you?” You shook your head. General Hux smirked. “I see. Use your body against you. Force you into a position reliant upon him… A clever strategy. Yet your training is better than that. How many times have you thought about killing me since I brought you here?”

“Less than perhaps I should have,” you admitted. “You’re…interesting. I can see why you’re general. What are you—?” He had worked a small device onto your clothing. You furrowed your brow. “A tracker?”

“You will be allowed access to certain portions of the vessel. A team has already been instructed to watch your every move on the monitors. There are eyes everywhere on the _Finalizer_. I need you to be able to behave. You need me to allow you such freedom if later you are to assist your pathetic Resistance.” He led you back into his room, where he handed you a small communications device. You could call out only to two preprogrammed lines. “Should you require anything, either I or Lieutenant Mitaka will take care of it. Should this device ring, you are to answer immediately. Otherwise it will be understood that you cannot handle such freedom.”

“Yes…sir.” You winced as you said the latter. General Hux gestured to the door, and you walked over to it and left his personal quarters. You felt nearly overwhelmed at the idea of being able to travel more freely through the First Order Star Destroyer. You paused, which caused the man to literally crash into you. He released a swear, his hands on your lower back as he manipulated you forward a few extra steps so that he could walk. “G-General Hux?” He waited for you to speak. “Wh… Where do I…eat?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, turning on his heel and gesturing for you to follow with his other hand. You shuffled after him, your heart hammering in your chest. “The crew is aware that you shall not be harmed, save for in retaliation should you choose to act foolishly. If, however, there is anything you find questionable, you may bring it to the attention of myself, Lieutenant Mitaka, Captain Phasma, or Ren.”

You frowned when he spoke the last name, yet said nothing in protest. If it came down to it and you were being harassed by the officers or ‘troopers, you would not cut your nose to spite your face. General Hux and you entered the cafeteria, where a number of personnel were eating. Kylo Ren was present, a tray of food in his hand. He turned then paused, having noticed you. The redhead nodded in his direction.

“She needs to be fed,” he said simply before turning. Your hand shot out before you could stop it, your fingers wrapping around his. General Hux stopped, attempting to pry your hand from his. “Release it!” As though you _were_ a dog…and he seemed to be more of a cat person, if you had to categorize him. Kylo Ren’s visor was pointed where your limb was connected with the redhead’s.

“I…” You stared at the man, who had at last ceased his attempts to remove your hand from his. His gaze flickered over to Kylo Ren, who still had not looked away from your hand in the general’s, and then back to your face. You felt dizzy. It had been a month since you had been reliant upon Kylo Ren for anything. It wasn’t a position you wanted to be in again. “C-couldn’t you, sir?” Because, if you were one-hundred percent honest with yourself, being so close to Kylo Ren when he wasn’t prying through your memories made you think of his lips on yours. Of the way he had seemed to cry when you had told him you would rather die than be with him. And that hadn’t exactly changed. “I…I’ll be quick.”

“Let go of my hand,” General Hux said evenly. You obeyed—by slipping your limb up to his wrist instead. The redhead scowled. And Kylo Ren was still staring.

General Hux, you discovered in that moment, was a rather patient individual. His nostrils flared as he released a sigh through his nose, and he moved to walk towards the food line. You, clutching his wrist still, obediently followed after him. All the while you could feel Kylo Ren’s gaze on you. As though he was curious regarding the way you had latched onto the First Order officer. You spared him little thought, your focus instead on the food that was being served up. Your stomach was making small noises that you believed would grow in volume. With his free hand, the general lifted up a tray. This he handed to you, which you accepted without relinquishing your hold on his wrist.

The eyes of everyone in the room were on you. It made plenty of sense. You were a prisoner, the redhead was the General of the First Order. And here you were latched onto him. You knew well why you had grabbed him without a second thought, and perhaps he did as well. He was the first to not subject you to any sort of sexual indecency while observing you shower. The first to show you some level of respect, to acknowledge your abilities and also be upfront with his desire to use you. He also had the foresight to acknowledge that some of his men would be tempted to harm you in some form despite orders to do otherwise. He had more than earned your respect, even if he was your enemy and the two of you were ready to kill one another without a second thought should it come down to that. Yet he had meant to pass you to Kylo Ren, who was in many senses your weakness. You weren’t ready to be so close to the Force user, not in that manner.

General Hux scooped up some food, plopped it onto your plate, and nudged you further down the line. He was choosing only what appeared appealing. When it came to what you would drink, he waited for you to choose. You lifted up a carton of milk, set it on your tray, and tightened your grip on his wrist. You did not want to explore the ship, to be at the mercy of his crew. True, you had the communications device. But that would do you no good if you were attacked.

Kylo Ren had disappeared from the cafeteria. You looked at the spot he had been standing before allowing your gaze to travel back to General Hux’s face. The redhead was once more scowling. It was apparent that he had been intending on leaving you with the Knight for the time being. This plan no longer available to him, he looked directly at you. “Do _not_ spill. Carry your tray, and don’t dawdle.” His eyes darted down to your hand, and it was then that you at last relinquished your hold. He turned sharply on his heel and started to walk away. You held your tray with both hands while shuffling forward to keep up with him.

It was surreal, not being chained. Walking through the vessel without looking for an escape route. The truth of the matter was, judging by the things he had said up to that point, you would be arriving on a planet once he was certain he could use you. Likely in neutral territory. He would appear to be weaker than he was, that his military’s might was nothing as formidable as reality would indicate otherwise. To have you as his prisoner whilst appearing to be being treated fairly, that would only play into the charade. You, meanwhile, would thus be given a chance to do _something_. If any Resistance sympathizers were present, they could send a message to a base regarding the fact that you were still alive. Countermeasures could then be taken against anything the First Order may have pulled from your mind. It was the least you could do for the cause. Even if it meant momentarily submitting to the tyranny of the First Order.

Upon arriving at the bridge, General Hux had you sit on a chair that was tucked away in a corner so that you could eat. You did so without saying a word to any of the crew. You could feel eyes darting to you on occasion. Sometimes when you felt as though you were being watched, you would look up to find the red haired general considering you. As though, despite the fact that he had complimented you for it, it was your patience and temporary obedience that were impressing him.

At lunch, he had your food brought to you along with his own meal. Dinner was served similarly, and it struck you that the man was a workaholic. It said much for him; that he was dedicated to his cause, willing to put in the hours. In many ways this reminded you of General Organa. You wondered if your observations would be met with disgust should you voice them—not that you ever would. When the day cycle ended, General Hux personally escorted you back to your cell. The gesture was not lost on you. He had the guard outside of the door open your cell. You waited in the doorway, tilting your head to the side and sliding your gaze to the general.

“Would it be impolite if I didn’t ask you inside?” His lips twitched, as though he were tempted to either smile or chuckle at your joke, yet he managed to regain control before either happened. “Should I return this?” You withdrew the commlink from its spot in your front pocket, offering it to the man. He stared for a moment before wrapping his fingers around it. General Hux turned it back and forth in his hand. He then handed it back to you, and you pocketed it. “It really will benefit you, keeping me alive.”

“It will, for the time being.” You nodded, uttered out a _Goodnight, general_ , and moved into your cell. The door was not closed immediately. You endured his stare as you walked to the center of the room. It was small in many respects, yet more than what some people had. “You will not be able to shadow me tomorrow.”

“Then may I remain here?” you asked. General Hux did not answer immediately. He was watching you, blinking twice and considering you before at last nodding. “Thank you.” Another nod, and then he turned around and left. You watched your cell door closed, breathed a sigh of relief, and moved over to the toilet, which you desperately needed to use.

It was longer than a single day that you did not see him. On the second day, Captain Phasma made an appearance long enough to take you to a refresher for a shower. You were returned to your cell after declining once more to venture around the _Finalizer_ on your own. You were not oblivious to the looks of disgust and hatred you received from the crew, and nor were any of the triumvirate that seemed to run things in the First Order. On the third day, you also remained in your cell. The night of the fourth, however, a stormtrooper entered and informed you that General Hux requested your presence. You hesitated in your spot on the bed, eyeing him with your heart racing. Was it a trick? You fingered the communications device that was in your pocket.

Apparently noticing this, the stormtrooper shifted uncomfortably. As though he had never seen the battlefield. You sighed, recognizing him for the newbie that he was. Should you question him openly, he would possibly receive punishment. You stood, and the ‘trooper relaxed his shoulders while walking out of your cell. You joined him, allowing him to escort you to the redhead’s personal quarters. He did not, however, enter with you. He presumably left once you were in the man’s room.

General Hux was seated on his bed, datapad in his hands and a holochess board set up. He gestured towards the refresher, muttering that you could use it while he finished a few tasks. You took him up on the offer, shaving and spending a little extra time in the shower before at last moving out of it. You dried off, took out the hairbrush he had available to you, and watched your reflection while running the comb through your hair. You seized up a hair tie, pulling your hair back in a similar manner to how General Hux had put it a few days before.

You walked into his room, pausing upon discovering the clothes that had been brought were different now. Not a mere jumpsuit. A black tanktop and shorts. Actual pajamas. You pulled on the clothes and then walked over to the bed. You paused at its edge. General Hux set aside his datapad. “You may pull up a chair, or sit on the end if you feel comfortable.” There was something so _in-control_ and _disciplined_ about him that was in contrast to Kylo Ren. Not that the Force user didn’t know discipline; he was just a little more unrestrained in certain respects. You climbed onto the bed, crossing one leg under you and allowing your other to dangle over the side of the mattress. General Hux set the board between the two of you. You stared at it prior to making the first move.

Neither of you said a word to the other as you played. Not well-versed in holochess, you were not surprised when you lost. “You’re accustomed to sitting quietly,” General Hux stated as he started to set up the board again.

You readjusted yourself, bringing your other foot onto the bed and sitting cross-legged. “He never gave me anything to do. It’s fine. I expect it from my enemy.”

“There are things you _don’t_ expect from your enemy?” You frowned at the amusement in his voice. General Hux took his turn first this time. “You are aware that war crimes occur everyday, aren’t you?” You rethought the way Kylo Ren had treated you.

“Maybe…” You ran your tongue along your lips. “Perhaps I should have indulged physically.”

“Had sex, you mean?” he asked, watching as you made your move then countering it with one of his own. You nodded. “You’ve only ever had a single man touch you…your enemy.” A chuckle.

“I don’t know if I expected sympathy from you at all,” you said without a trace of bitterness. “ _You’re_ my enemy as well.” A grunt from the redhead. “Yet you don’t mind my company.”

“And you don’t appear to mind mine,” General Hux responded as he made the move that finished the game. Another victory to him, although this time it had been closer. “You do poorly at this.”

“At holochess, or conversing with you?” He replied that it was the former, a sardonic smile on his face. You pulled at the hem of your tanktop, observing the man as he put away the game. “I’m to be escorted back to my cell now, correct?” He nodded a single time. “Goodnight, general.”

“Goodnight,” he said after a moment’s hesitation. You rose from the bed, leaving with the stormtrooper who had come to escort you back. You used the toilet, washed your hands and then brushed your teeth with the toothbrush that had been provided to you at last, and finally climbed under the covers of your bed. You traced over the letters of Kylo Ren’s name on your finger. It was how you had fallen asleep for the past few days.

In his own way, Kylo Ren had seemed to care for you, even if only a little. He had known some of your innermost thoughts, the ones you hid from the world. And he had never appeared to mock you for them.

You thought back to when he had remembered your favorite flavor of hot chocolate. Something so mundane. Why would he have remembered something like that, you wondered. You brought your finger to your lips and placed a light kiss against his name.

If given the chance, you would kill him. If given the chance, you were more than willing to kill General Hux as well. Yet the latter was your means for helping the Resistance. You closed your eyes and dreamed of a robed man in a mask. He sat in a chair, hunched over, whispering words you couldn’t understand to a charred relic on a table.

The following evening you were brought once more to General Hux’s personal quarters. You showered, put your hair up, and dressed in fresh clothing. This time he had out sabacc, which you were more well versed in. You won two out of the three games, prompting the man to pay you a small compliment regarding your skills. Rather than have you taken back to your cell, he instead removed his boots and shirt. You glanced along his undershirt down to his toes. He pulled out a bottle of brandy and two glasses. You accepted the glass he handed to you, watched him pour some of the drink into both cups, and then the man sat back on the bed.

You lifted the rim of the cup to your nose, inhaling the smell while General Hux swirled his glass a bit. He was paying close attention to your every move. You took a sip of the drink, and he mimicked your action.

“You’re terrified to wander my ship alone.”

“Mm. That _will_ look bad if it’s questioned. Being allowed such freedom, rejecting it,” you muttered, thinking in the political sense. “Am I supposed to pretend I’m some sort of guest? That’s what Ren said, that I was his guest.”

“You were,” General Hux said before taking another hit. As he lowered his cup, he licked his lips and then spoke again. “You have always been a prisoner, however you were also his guest.” You released a light hum, considering what had just been said. You supposed, in some senses, it was true. “It’s quite similar to the way you are currently my guest.” Your eyes wandered about the room. His personal quarters, you reminded yourself. It was probably quite a privilege to be allowed inside. Intimate in some ways.

“He raped me. It isn’t something you would do to a guest,” you said with a sigh. You threw back the remainder of your drink, your eyes watering in the corners. “We technically had sex more than once, but it was mostly rape.” The man across from you did not respond. You met his eye, finding his stare to be rather passive. “He’s the only man to have had sex with me. Technically I was touched by others, fondled by the stormtroopers…groped… They waterboarded me when they didn’t get a reaction. I don’t understand the appeal of that.”

“Of their touches or their penchant for waterboarding?”

“The latter,” you replied, relinquishing your glass to the redhead when he reached for it. He set it aside along with his own and the bottle of brandy. “Do you get off with such things?”

“Corporal punishment is more to my liking.” You felt your cheeks heating up, blushing deeper when your natural reaction caused a smile to grace his face. “You have different preferences, I take it.”

“I… Before Kylo Ren… I had never even touched myself.” His eyebrows rose, his eyes darting up and down your body. It was your turn to smile. “He latched onto it when he was in my head. I had been told when I was younger that it wasn’t something…to do. I hardly got the urge, and when I did I was embarrassed because of what I had been told. So I never did it.”

“What did it feel like—cumming for the first time?” he asked. It wasn’t cruel, the way he posed the question. More like pure curiosity, and so you decided to humor him.

“It was…embarrassing. Intense. It felt good in some ways, but I hated it. I wanted to cry. I think I did cry. He’s my enemy, and he… It hurt a lot, because earlier he had used his… his abilities with the Force to… I was made to impale myself on…the…his weapon.”

“His lightsaber?” You nodded, feeling tears prick at your eyes at the memory. You were embarrassed, and a large part of you was wondering why you were telling him this. It wasn’t as though he was an ally of yours. “Was it with the lightsaber that he made you cum?”

“No… No, he used his hand… That was the first time he called me _tooke_.” You fought the urge to brush away your tears, to bring more attention to them. “He wasn’t even… He didn’t even get aroused from it! It was all a stupid game, and then suddenly…the next time… Because he figured out who I was…. But that first time, he wasn’t even aroused. That’s what it was like. Embarrassing. Physically it felt good, but I _hated_ it.” You hiccupped, brought your knees up to yourself, and cried into them.

The general of the First Order did not touch you or say anything while you cried. It did not insult you when he picked up his datapad and started sifting through reports. On the contrary, you were almost thankful for it. When at last your sobbing lessened, you heard him rise from the bed. General Hux pulled his boots and shirt back on then scooped you up into his arms. You kept a hand over your face as he carried you back to your cell. He set you on the bed, drew the blankets up over you, and exited.

At the beginning of the day cycle, the same stormtrooper that had first brought you to General Hux’s quarters entered with a tray of food. He set it up on a small foldout table he brought it. You sat up on the bed. “What’s this?”

“B-breakfast.” He sounded as confused as you felt.

You winced. “I mean… Am I not allowed out of the cell today?”

“You are… I was told that you haven’t been…”

“Are…are you allowed to escort me?” He nodded a single time. “After I eat…would you?”

“Yes. General Hux has informed me that I am to follow your requests—within regulation.”

It was the first time you were able to walk through the _Finalizer_ without fear of being attacked by the officers. Your hand was always on the commlink in your pocket, and the stormtrooper at your side. You saw his face at lunch, when he removed his helmet for the purpose of eating. He looked so young, or at least younger than you. This made it all the easier for you to accept his presence during the day. The next day was similar, though it ended with you visiting General Hux in his personal quarters.

As usual, you showered, dressed, and climbed atop the man’s bed. He went into the refresher, taking a shower as well. When General Hux exited the refresher, he had dried his hair and pulled on a pair of sweat pants. He wasn’t letting his guard down, you knew. You believed him when he had said that he was willing to bite back. The redhead grabbed out of the bottle of brandy whilst asking if you wanted to play sabacc or holochess. You accepted the glass he handed to you, and sighed.

“The first time he… He used his power to make me fuck him the first time. I wasn’t in control of my own body. I only remember pieces of it,” you said. General Hux downed his first glass and poured himself another. He likely knew that you were not looking for sympathy; you merely needed to tell someone, to speak aloud of the experience. “It definitely wasn’t what I expected my first time to be like. Did you have anything like that?”

“I’ve never had sex with Ren.” You snorted when you laughed, which caused the man across from you to smile in humor. “There was _some_ awkward fumbling on my part during my first time. It was, however, overall enjoyable.”

“Have you ever raped anyone though?”

“Do you believe all men have raped?”

“I don’t know. Part of me says no. But then…people are capable of anything.”

“I have overseen sexual tortures in the past. It is rare that such things occur in my presence, however. Kylo Ren is more than sufficient when it comes to extracting information when other methods fail.” You finally started to drink. General Hux refilled your glass when you emptied it the first time. “It hasn’t only been women, the victims of such torture.”

“I don’t know if that’s comforting or not.” You nodded in the direction of the holochess. “We can play that.”

General Hux stood long enough to put away the bottle of brandy and bring the board over. He allowed you to go first. Having learned a little from your previous games with him, you were able to gain an advantage. That, however, did not lead to victory for you. You lost in the end, yet the man’s comment on your improvement seemed like a small win.

“You’re a rather fast learner,” he said. You hesitated, knowing he was speaking in broad senses, including your ability on the battlefield. “Don’t be modest; I have seen your abilities, or have otherwise read of them. I am simply stating a fact.”

“I suppose,” you conceded. You watched him put away the holochess set. It was getting late, and you knew you would soon be sent back to your cell. “General Hux?”

“Yes?”

“You still don’t have a name for me.” He knit his brow, his gaze sweeping along you as you stood from the bed. You made no move to approach him, simply stood there holding onto your right arm with your left hand. “How long until we depart the _Finalizer_?”

“Nine days more.” Now you did take a step closer to him, hesitant in case he became defensive. He did straighten a little, however did not do or say anything to discourage the next step you took. He dipped his chin when you closed the distance between the two of you completely. “You will have a name by then.”

“Use my surname. Or a prisoner number. Both are appropriate and won’t be frowned upon.” He said nothing, perhaps distracted by the fact that you had lifted a hand and touched the side of his face. “Goodnight, general.” You lowered your hand to your side, looking towards the door and waiting for the stormtrooper that would escort you back to your cell.

“He broke you.”

“What?” You choked on the word when it nearly caught in your throat.

“You have a hard time believing this is real. That you are away from him. That you are speaking with someone else. You’re so…broken.” A strangled noise of disagreement from the man who had spoken those words. “How you manage to continue to fight…perhaps you’re not quite broken. You’re compromised.” You bowed your head and stared at the ground. “Goodnight, KS.” You blinked at his words. _Goodnight kiss._ You moved up on your toes and pressed your mouth to him. His hands caught your upper arms, the man lightly pushing you back to your feet. “Kill-shot.” You found yourself blushing in his presence again. “Perhaps I will have to choose something different.” He ran his tongue along his lips, and you did likewise. His hands, still on your arms, did nothing to prevent you from raising yourself again, from placing a kiss on his mouth. His eyelids were half-closed, the man watching you without reacting. You reached up, cupping his face. His lips were soft. So welcoming, even if they weren’t moving against yours.

“Goodnight, general,” you whispered, your breath washing over his lips before you kissed him again. You kissed lower, this time just before his lips. Then on his chin. His neck, his chest. Trailing down until you were on your knees, your hands at the hem of his pants. He caught your wrists. You squeezed your eyes closed, opening them the moment you felt him kneeling with his knees on either side of yours. Your wrists were still in his hands. You searched his face, at the passive, guarded expression he wore.

General Hux lowered his mouth onto yours, his tongue flicking out and tracing along your lips. You permitted him entrance, feeling him exploring you and starting to run your tongue along his in return. His grip on your wrist tightened a little as he pulled back, breaking the kiss. You both licked your lips again, looking at one another. “Goodnight, tooka.” It was similar in sound to what Kylo Ren called you, yet so different when it came down to it. General Hux truly was a fan of felines. He released your wrists, placed a hand on your cheek, and stood. The man dropped his hand away from you, and you rose as well.

The next day, as you wandered the ship with your unofficial stormtrooper friend—at least, the closest thing you would get to one given that they were all your enemies—you froze at the sight of Kylo Ren. His back was to you, and he was again staring up at the stars. The stormtrooper tensed up as well. You touched your ring finger, the tattoo there. The feel of Kylo Ren’s kisses went through your mind. The feel of General Hux’s mouth on yours. The differences, the similarities. You bit down on your lip and carried on, leaving Kylo Ren alone to his thoughts.

General Hux’s word rang through your mind. You realized well that a part of you would not be able to push aside your feelings for Kylo Ren. When you were younger, you had been told that no one forgot their first.

Yet Kylo Ren was the last thing on your mind that evening when you entered the redhead’s personal quarters. “You…you have a cat.” The orange tabby was curled up in his lap. General Hux quirked a brow, stroking the feline’s head.

“Good evening to you as well,” he said.

“I… There was no litterbox…”

“She was receiving her vaccinations and then under observation while I worked.” You stared at the creature with wide eyes. Your heart was hammering your chest. Evil wasn’t supposed to do timid or cute. Yet Kylo Ren cried and spoke to the helmet of his deceased grandfather. General Hux had a cat. “Are you going to shower, or…?”

“Huh? Oh…y…yeah.” You ducked into the refresher, your mind spinning. You finished your shower quickly, dried off, tied back your hair, and nearly raced back into his bedroom. You dressed and climbed onto his bed. His cat, purring, lazily looked your way. “Wh…what’s…uh…”

“Her name is Millicent,” General Hux said, scratching underneath her chin. You reached for the cat, who sniffed your fingertips with some curiosity. She allowed you to pet her. “Now—“ Your mouth slammed atop his, your hand leaving the cat as you grabbed both of his shoulders. Millicent squirmed off her master’s lap, moving over to another part of the bed. His lap now free, you wasted no time in straddling him. His hands were in your hair, ripping out the hair tie, although not painfully. You ground against him, and suddenly he was turning you over and setting you down on the bed whilst breaking away from you. “Don’t be crude.”

“Wh-what?” You felt as though your world was spinning. “Don’t…what?” He ran a hand down the length of his face then set the limb on your hip. “I just…”

“You needn’t be overtly sexual.” General Hux moved back onto the bed with you. This time when you climbed onto his lap, you did not rock against him. You kissed him a little more gently, enjoying the feel of him doing the same. He moved to kiss your cheek. “You saw him, didn’t you?”

“Hm?”

“Ren. You saw Ren…” You did not respond, yet your silence seemed to be enough. The kisses ceased. The redhead pulled back and looked you in the eye. “Neither of us is pretending this is more than it is. There is no love.”

“But…a certain…respect…”

“Yes, tooka.”

“So it doesn’t have to be sex.”

“No.” You relaxed, releasing a breath you had not realized you were holding. “Would you like to play holochess or sabacc?” You looked instead towards the cat, who was kneading the bed. “Very well. You may play with Millicent until it is time to retire for the night.”

_I remember December, after November,  
The most silent month of all.  
I reminisce the kiss, after your fits,  
And still wait for your call._


	15. FIFTEEN

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Fifteen: Masks Worn :: Weaknesses Shown

_A stranger in the corridor,  
one I knew once before.  
Not much time has passed since then;  
A shock to meet again._

The next time you saw Kylo Ren, he was in front of a different window. Staring out at the stars. His cowl was lowered, and you found yourself staring at the back of his helmet. Your stormtrooper escort did not appear to be comfortable, and so you moved on from the location whilst clutching your hands close to your stomach. When you turned down the next corner, a fist connected with your face. Black and red filtered through your vision, and you reeled backwards, colliding with your escort, who made a startled noise. Footsteps walking past you, a snort as though whoever it was had struck you was far from satisfied but would take what he could get, and you were being righted by the stormtrooper behind you. You reached up, touching your nose and feeling blood coating your fingers.

You cupped your nose, wincing when you touched it at a certain angle. The stormtrooper placed a hand on the middle of your back, steering you down a different path than the one you had been walking. Laughter in your ears when some of the officers and ‘troopers saw you. You felt rage bubble within you, the urge to strike out—yet you did not want your privileges revoked. You were under no misconception; while General Hux and you had a current understanding and respect for one another, you were still his prisoner. That wasn’t something the man would forget, no matter how much he planned on using you. And so you endured the mocking, the laughter, and even the couple of catcalls you received as you were led to medbay.

When it was announced that your nose _wasn’t_ broken, you hardly felt any better. It hurt—a lot. Apparently your lip had also been busted from the blow, yet the pain from that had been less than the other. You were given a tissue while the physician tended to you, the woman ensuring that the bleeding ceased prior to telling the stormtrooper that you would remain there; for the purpose of preventing a second blow that would undoubtedly break your nose. Despite your nose not being broken, by the end of the day, you were sporting two black eyes.

Two boot steps, both familiar to you, entered medbay close to the start of sleep cycle. They both paused at the end of your bed. General Hux, however, stepped forward, turning you onto your back so that he could get a better look at your face. His lips were pinched together, his nose wrinkling at the sight of you. “This could well compromise our intentions for her,” the redhead spat, and you knew it was Kylo Ren who was his intended audience for the comment.

“The officer has been dealt with accordingly,” that modulated voice stated without any sense of passion. So indifferent. You glanced down at the Force user, finding that he was looking past you, at the First Order General. Said man’s gaze swept along you once more before he stepped away, walking out of medbay at a brisk pace that indicated his crew might endure his displeasure. Kylo Ren, too, took a step backwards with the intention of leaving.

You placed your palms flat against the mattress of the medbay bed, pushing yourself up into a sitting position. Your head spun a little, which had you swallowing down some bile. Kylo Ren paused in his movements. His chin dipped, his visor pointed at your face. Then he jerked his head up, as though he could not stand looking at you. It caused you a moment’s hesitation. When you recovered, however, you managed to speak up:

“It’s your fault.” He snorted, which sounded strange when it was filtered through his vocoder. Kylo Ren started to turn, stopping when you crawled down the length of the bed while speaking to him. “I’m confiding in my enemy because of _you_.” His fingers twitched, his hands becoming fists. “Being used…having to accept it… Looking for something _normal_ when it’s not. It’s just us using one another, isn’t it?”

“The General?” You felt your lungs deflate when he spoke to you. Kylo Ren twisted back around, cocking his head to the side and stepping closer to you. Your bottom lip quivered, which made it sting. “I was using you as well, tooke.”

You closed your eyes when he said it, the term of endearment. Your breath left you again, this time more shakily. “I pretended it was different.” You swallowed thickly. “It _is_ different. For him it isn’t sexual, it’s about power. I can respect that.”

“Yet _you_ were on your knees. Desperate for something in your mouth.”

“You’re gross,” you hissed out, flinging yourself off the bed and towards him. He took a single step backwards, dodging your hand when you went to grab at him. You flinched at this action. “What are you—“

“Quite like the general, I am not interested in _damaged goods_.” Your head spun, your body swaying in a way that had you hitting into the bed frame. You collapsed onto it. Your eyes were wide in shock, your mouth open.

“B-bantha fodder,” you whispered when you recovered. Kylo Ren, who had started to walk away, paused midstep. “That’s bantha fodder! I… Everything with him is… I can see it in his eyes. It’s _calculated_. There isn’t anything…there’s no love between us. It’s all _strategy_ , and I can accept that!” He began walking again, and you jumped off the bed a second time, feeling a spell of dizziness assaulting you so that you stumbled initially as you walked. “You never did that! It wasn’t like that… You… Ren!” You flung yourself at him for a second time, wrapping your arms around his midsection as he made to exit medbay. He tensed up at the contact, trembling. “You messed me up, and now you want to leave me, and that’s…that’s such—“

Kylo Ren turned around in your grasp, his thumb tracing over your lips, silencing you. “You have always been a mean’s to an end.” You drew one hand, your left, away from his waist and held onto his wrist. The thing was, you did not believe him; actions, to you, spoke louder than words. “The First Order will crush the Resistance.”

“…creature.” His entire body _jerked_ when you called him that, his chest rising and falling as though he were suddenly holding back a storm of emotions, of anger and hurt. “I… Are you… It hurts you…that I kissed the General, doesn’t it?” He pulled his hand out of your grasp, away from your mouth, and pushed you away. In a flurry of black robes, the man exited medbay, leaving you standing there until one of the physicians came over and took you back to your bed.

You laid on your side, one arm curled up under the pillow. It had hit you the moment the officer had punched you in the face; the differences and similarities between General Hux and Kylo Ren. The similarities were that they both had never denied using you, had used their humanity to get you to open up. The difference was that you had rejected Kylo Ren, had found a use in temporarily humoring the redhead. The difference was that you had attempted to kill Kylo Ren and so he had reacted by harming you, as one would any prisoner. The difference was that he had had you first, which is why he had found your weakness, to be touched. Sex as a weapon—General Hux had already admitted that he had overseen such things as well. The difference was that Kylo Ren had brought you gifts. Had dropped his guard near you, had developed _feelings_ for you.

General Hux had been present during the interrogation wherein you were used as a weakness against the other Resistance member. He had been passive about you then, uncaring. That you now had one another’s respect meant only that you could each act civilly in the presence of the other. Could enjoy certain aspects about one another.

You could not help but remember the way you had felt when you had believed you weren’t the only one Kylo Ren was having sex with. Cupping a hand over your mouth, you closed your eyes and felt a sob forming. He had reacted so _hurt_ before getting control over himself when you had called him unlovable. He hadn’t hurt you when you had tried to kill him with the mirror shard.

And always, **always** him saying _You’re mine, tooke._

“It’s war,” you whispered to yourself. “It’s war… It’s ugly… It’s war…” The sob at last broke through, causing your entire body to shudder with its intensity. You were crying because it had at last hit you, what you had done to him. He had let his guard down, as you had been waiting for, when you had attacked him that last time. But the thing was, you had up to that point been pretending it was Ben Solo fucking you. And that had been perhaps the closest he had ever been to returning to that man. “Fuck!” You gripped the pillow underneath your head. He hadn’t been mocking you at all that time. “Kriffkriffkriff…”

Your nose hurt, your lips as well, as you cried. Snot running down your face, tears, spittle when you coughed a few times. Aside from _Resistance scum_ , he had never before resorted to name-calling. Yet he had referred to you as _damaged goods_. You remembered the way he had stared at your hand that day when you had grabbed onto General Hux. The way he had been gone from the cafeteria by the time you had grabbed your food.

You wondered if General Hux had lied to you when he said that Kylo Ren did not care if you lived or died. Or perhaps that was what Supreme Leader was telling his apprentice to feel.

The thing with General Hux, and he probably well knew, was that Kylo Ren had been right—you really did just need and want something to hold onto. Your mind flashed to the helmet of Darth Vader, the way Kylo Ren had allowed you to hold it. Something that meant so much to him…

You wrapped your hand around the tattoo of _Kylo Ren_ on your finger, holding it close and crying yourself to sleep.

You were made to remain in medbay the entirety of the next day, until evening at which point General Hux escorted you to his personal quarters. You showered, played with Millicent as he also washed, and then snatched the bottle of brandy from him when he took it out. You worked it open, sealed your lips around the rim, and took a big gulp of it that caused your eyes to fill with tears and you to choke a bit. The redhead frowned, watching this behavior, yet said nothing. You snorted, raking your eyes along his frame.

“You’re terrible. Waiting for me to loosen up enough to spill things. It didn’t work with Ren, it won’t with you.” Millicent hit her head against your side, rubbing against you before finally settling down on the bed. You took another drink. “You just have to endure my moping, my complaints about sex.”

“And endure you rudely taking the entire bottle,” he drawled, causing you to smile grimly. General Hux reached forward and tugged away the aforementioned item. He lifted it to his mouth, drinking its contents. He climbed onto the bed with you, sitting in a way that showed he could easily spring up. A smile graced his face. “You’re always looking for openings to attack, even though you currently have no intention of doing so.”

“You’re doing the same—so what?” you murmured. You watched as Millicent stood, stretched, and pattered over to her master.

“I was informed of your interactions with Ren after I left.” You felt your legs twitch, the urge to flee the room growing within you. “Do you have a death wish?” You found that you could not answer him immediately. Ever since you had been caught, a part of you had wanted death. Living left you with the opportunity to assist the Resistance, even if in small ways. You sighed, and General Hux took another drink before handing you the bottle. You happily accepted it. “The bruising should fade by the time we are ready to leave…or at least enough that it can be easily concealed with a coat of foundation.”

“Oh, geez, I’m so relieved,” you bit out sarcastically.

The redhead’s lips curled back from his teeth. “You _should_ be. If you are not presentable, you hold no benefit to the First Order and _won’t_ be taken planet side. Thus you will have no opportunity to help your pathetic Resistance.” You felt rather deflated. Simpering, you took another drink of brandy.

 _“Supreme Leader has found that this is best.”_ His voice echoed in your thoughts with every drink you took. _“You are…a fix. Your naivety serves as a reminder of how foolish it would be to listen to any calls from the light.”_

As though Snoke had _known_ Kylo Ren would let his guard down eventually, that you would still attempt to kill him. A lesson for his apprentice. You had been played. Kylo Ren as well. And here you were attempting to gain an advantage over a man just as devious as the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

“Did you kiss me to piss off Kylo Ren?” you asked, lowering the bottle at last and staring straight at the redhead.

He cocked a brow. “It was one of my motives. Yet you should remember: _you_ first kissed me.”

“That’s why you won’t have sex with me though, isn’t it? Because he wouldn’t… I’ve seen his…heard him slashing through things with his lightsaber in a fit of rage.” General Hux grabbed up the bottle from you with one hand while with the other he patted Millicent’s head. “You’re all attempting to use me in your own way… It’ll blow up in your faces.”

“Doubtful.” You scowled, held out your hand for the brandy, and drank the rest of the bottle when it was given to you.

Before you were taken out of the man’s personal quarters by a stormtrooper, you were sent into the refresher to use the toilet. To say you had to pee a lot was an understatement. When at last you were finished, you stumbled out of the refresher, set a hand on the redhead’s chest, and sloppily kissed him goodnight. The man puckered his lips long enough to return the gesture, amusement openly displayed on his part. You waved over your shoulder, swaying as you walked to the stormtrooper when the door was opened. You slipped your arm into your escort’s. The stormtrooper tensed at first, obviously taken aback, yet relaxed when you rested your head against his arm. He seemed to catch on quickly to your inebriated state.

The two of you walked down the hallways of the _Finalizer_. Or, rather, he walked slowly and you stumbled along. Eyes darted in your direction, a few of the officers and stormtroopers straightening up as though they were ready to lunge at you. To attack. Then, however, they slunk back; they were likely discouraged by the knowledge of what had happened to the last person who had assaulted you.

A familiar blackness entered your vision, and you darted towards it. You stumbled, falling onto your knees and laughing a bit at your clumsiness, and pushed yourself back onto your feet. You were wobbly. The individual who had caught your attention did not move. You felt his gaze on you through that mask he always wore. Running a hand through your hair, you felt a trail of tears making its way down your face, though you weren’t exactly sure why it was that you were crying.

“Do you hate me, creature?” you asked, swaying and grabbing onto the edge of the wall to keep from falling again. Kylo Ren did not react to your taunting tone. “I tried to kill you. You hate me, right? You should really hate me—what I did. Do you hate me?”

“You’re…drunk,” he said after another moment, sighing and allowing himself to relax. He gestured to the stormtrooper, your escort. “Take her to her cell.”

“You’re loathsome. Unlovable. I don’t love you, creature. Only your parents could love you, and look what you did with that love,” you drunkenly shot out, slurring a number of your words. “I hate you, you know that? I hate you… Do you hate me?”

“You mean nothing to me,” he said, as though he had rehearsed the line countless times. “You’re not important enough to hate.”

You squeezed your hands into fists. General Hux’s voice echoed in your brain, asking if you had a death wish. Shaking your head, hardly sobered by his words though the impact of what Kylo Ren had said was harsh, you jerked your arm out of the stormtrooper’s grasp when he reached for you.

“You said I was yours—you put your fucking _name_ on me!”

“I don’t want you, tooke. You’re unlovable. Broken. Resistance scum. The only purpose your life currently serves is to benefit the First Order. Return her to her cell.”

There was only minor hesitation on the ‘trooper’s part before he lifted you, throwing you over his shoulder. You clenched your hands, sobbing and beating your fists against the white of his armor. When you were thrown onto your bed, you rolled over and started to pound on the mattress. The cell door closed, and you tired yourself out with your fit as well as vomiting into the toilet.

The following morning, you remained in bed without eating breakfast. Your hangover left you feeling wretched. Memories of the previous night did nothing to help matters. You skipped lunch as well, and at dinner only picked at your food. You politely declined the offer to visit with General Hux, to take a shower. The cell door opened in the middle of the night, and you rolled over—and instantly froze up. He nearly blended in with the darkness of the cell. The door closed, and he lowered himself into a crouch in the middle of your cell. Watching you.

You toyed with the finger that held his current name, as you found yourself doing more and more each day. You rolled off the bed, slipping down to where you were on your knees with your hands in your lap. Still tracing the letters of the tattoo. When the man stood, your heart seemed to skip a beat. Rather than leave, however, he walked closer to you. Kylo Ren reached into his robes, withdrawing his hand a moment later with something there. You squinted your eyes in the darkness, attempting to discern what it was he held. Before you could figure it out, however, he opened his hand and let the object fall into your lap.

It rolled onto the ground, and while you were distracted with the task of retrieving it, the Force user exited your cell. Unable to see in the darkness, you clutched the object to your chest, tracing your fingers over it and blindly identifying it. The hairclip; the tooke hairclip he had put in your hair so long ago. You hadn’t known he had kept it.

You climbed back into bed, curled up and clutched desperately onto the small object. Something to hold. Something that was yours. As your lids grew heavier, you tucked the clip into your hair, securing it in place so that you did not lose it.

Though you ate breakfast in the cell, you allowed the stormtrooper to lead you to a refresher so that you could shower. You hated the entire experience; the way officers and stormtroopers alike would pull aside your shower curtain and gaze at your naked body. The way they would mock you, say obscene things to you. The way more than one exposed themselves to you. You stared at their cocks with distaste. The strange realization that Kylo Ren was well endowed made your head spin; you didn’t know what to think, how to nudge away the fact when it was presented to you. Yet _it’s so small_ rang through your head at some of the flashes of flesh.

You dressed, assaulted only by minor gropings that made you feel rather sick to your stomach. You pulled on the fresh clothing, a jumpsuit instead of the tank top and shorts. That was fine with you. You wanted more of your skin hidden, especially from the leering eyes whose owners blew you kisses. You tucked the tooke clip back into your hair, fingering it while walking out of the refresher.

Along with your escort, you explored portions of the _Finalizer_ that were open to you. General Hux paused in one of the corridors, his eyes on the hairclip. “Your men were…indecent.”

“In the refresher?” he questioned, at last removing his gaze from your hair. You nodded a single time. “I’ll see to it that in the future you are taken to a more secluded area. You plan on remaining on your best behavior, correct?”

“I plan on upholding our…agreement…mutual understanding. No… No more brandy.”

“Certainly not for you. That wasn’t the sort of slipup I was hoping for. It was of no benefit to me.” You felt yourself laughing at that, breathily through your nose and your lips stretching to the sides as you shook your head. His blunt nature was refreshing. “The planet we will be visiting holds some resources that would be of great value. They will not, however, provide us with them should we be deemed overtly hostile.”

“I’m to help put their minds at ease. Let you play at being kind, even to those who oppose you.”

“There will undoubtedly be a Resistance member or sympathizer… Seeing that you are alive aids the Resistance. I know that. You know that.”

“Win-win as well as lose-lose.”

“I have weighed the odds. It is an acceptable loss on my part. Given your current position, it’s a win you can afford.”

“Because they will also be aware that you are gaining the materials.”

“Precisely.”

“You are…such a formidable foe, General Hux.” He grunted, lifted a hand, and traced along the hairclip. The redhead took a step forward, leaned down, and caused more than simply the stormtrooper escort to release a noise of surprise or startlement when he pressed his lips to yours. It was a simple kiss, one that you returned. He broke the contact, however kept his face near yours. “It isn’t something I will forget,” you said, knowing full well that is what was meant by the kiss. A small pressure on your head as he undid the clip. You clenched your hands into fists when General Hux removed the clip from your hair. You waited for him to walk away with it, however he instead slipped it into your pocket prompting you to furrow your brow.

“It isn’t wise to openly display your weakness.”

He brushed past you, and you stared straight ahead. It was not only you he was referring to. Kylo Ren as well. You whipped around, knowing ahead of time what you would fine. That mask pointed at you. His tense body giving every indication that he had seen you kiss the General. Kylo Ren pressed tightly against the ground with his boot, so that when he turned there was released a sharp squeaking noise. He marched away, and you touched the exterior of your pocket wherein the tooke clip remained.

You were losing the game again, you realized with a feeling of sickness settling in the pit of your stomach. The First Order was gaining the upperhand. General Hux being successful in the same way Snoke had. You were a fighter for the Resistance. A tool to keep Kylo Ren in the darkness.

_Your mother laid on her side with you curled against her stomach. “Some monsters do not need to be killed—they’re looking to be saved.” You stared with confusion at the open page of your storybook. The monster was so cruel, you wanted to tell your mother. Instead you remained silent and did not argue._


	16. SIXTEEN

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Sixteen: Men Are Gross

_We play into their hands,  
Each and every time;  
Sentiment is your weakness,  
And you are mine._

Your hand was on the pocket wherein the tooke clip remained when the sounds of destruction first entered your ears. The officers and stormtroopers alike stiffened, a number of them flinching. They edged away from the direction the noise was coming from. Kylo Ren was destructive—but he was not foolish or uncontrolled to the point that he would damage anything vital to the ship. He had moved away to drive his lightsaber through something else. Something expendable. You swore, moving in the opposite direction of the crowd, _towards_ the sounds of destruction. The stormtrooper who was intended to escort you jumped and lurched forward, his hand snatching at you, however you batted away the limb.

You reached into your pocket as you walked and traced along the tooke. The amount of fear Kylo Ren instilled in others was quite apparent; your escort made little effort to pursue you. A number of the First Order personnel stared at you in shock, as though baffled you would be willing to face anything so volatile. In many ways, your mind was screaming at you to _not_ pursue Ren. You ignored your instincts and kept on walking. Sparks were flying, the sounds of loose wires hissing in the air. His shouts of frustration nearly drowned out by the noises of chaos. Perhaps that was why he did it; destroyed things so that no one could hear him yelling.

You winced at the view. His lightsaber was cutting through metal. Then he was pounding his fist and the butt of the weapon’s handle against the wall. Over and over. Slicing once more, shouting nonsensical things. Yelling simply to vocalize the frustration he was feeling. And all at once he paused. His head half-turned towards you, his shoulders heaving as he tried to catch his breath from all the exertion. You leaned into the doorframe, your eyes cast on the ground, on his feet. The glow in the room diminished the moment he deactivated his lightsaber.

There was no breath of relief. Instead, you stopped breathing, waiting. Kylo Ren clipped his weapon on his belt and began to walk forward. He moved past you without uttering a word. You, however, filled in that silence with a question:

“Are you crying?” His footsteps stopped. You looked over your shoulder at him to find that the man appeared to be staring at the floor. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. “You know that’s what he wanted…don’t you? To piss you off.”

Nothing. He said nothing before walking away from you completely. You pressed the heels of your hands against your eyes. Sparks flew around you, the hissing of damaged wires still pervading the air. Dropping your hands, you looked helplessly up at the ceiling. You had pushed him away for so long, you reminded yourself; it would be hypocritical of you to fault him for doing the same. Besides, you thought, we’re enemies. You pushed off the wall, returning to your escort. He released a breath of relief at discovering that you were still alive following your pursuit of the Force user. Others appeared equally impressed, a number of them shifting away from you. Between the General publicly kissing you and you going after Kylo Ren as you had, you figured that at least the majority of your would-be abusers would be taking a break from pestering you.

Evening rolled around, and General Hux was not drinking brandy when you arrived at his quarters. Instead he had a cup of wine. Without offering you a drink, he finished the glass and then stood. He gestured to the bed, informing you that you could wait there while he showered. You scowled, reminded of what he had done earlier. “I don’t agree with what you did.”

“Kissing you in front of Ren?” he asked, not playing any games by skirting around the fact or bringing up an alternative. You nodded a single time, your sour expression worsening. His lip curled up on the side, a smirk on his face as he walked into the refresher. Before he could close the door, you called to him. General Hux gave you his attention.

“I… Not for sex…”

“You’re wanting to join me in the shower?” he asked with a scoff. You flinched at his tone. His lips parted, a heavy breath escaping him as he made a gesture with his hand, as if telling you to do whatever you wanted. You thought back to morning. The men flashing you. Touching you. Their catcalls. You wrinkled your nose, followed behind the redhead, and stood there awkwardly as he undressed. You had never seen him fully naked before, and you did not know how to react. General Hux did not appear shy in regards to his nakedness, though he made no move to flaunt it either.

He adjusted the water, ignoring you and stepping inside. You fingered the tooke hairclip that was in your pocket before removing your hand from there and starting to strip. You thought back to the first time you had showered with Kylo Ren. He had stolen your virginity, forced you with his mindtricks to impale yourself on his cock. You hesitated at the memory. Getting a grip on yourself, you finished undressing and climbed into the shower behind the redhead. He was already washing himself, his body blocking the majority of the spray from hitting you.

It was the first time you touched a man aside from Kylo Ren. You set the tips of your fingers against the flesh of General Hux’s back. Directly beside his spine. The muscles tensed before he was able to force himself to relax. He made no move to touch you in return; he simply continued to wash. You stepped closer to him, closing some of the distance between your body and his, and placed your other hand on his back as well. Water trickled down his back from the spray, the wetness soon covering your digits.

You were starting to shake, and he no doubt felt your trembling. Yet he had full control over himself; he did not turn around, nor did he comment. You stepped even closer, erasing what little distance remained between your bodies. Your breasts touched his back, which caused you to inhale sharply. Sliding your hands down and then around his hips, you paused when you were touching his abdomen. You closed your eyes and pressed your lips to his spine.

“Do you plan on crying the entire time you’re touching me?” You laughed weakly and muttered out a soft _no_. General Hux at last turned around in your arms. Your hands were now on his lower back and the top of his ass. You nearly hyperventilated when you felt his cock against you. Your touches seemed to have been met with interest by his cock, which had begun to harden. You looked up into his face, finding him staring at you with the calculating expression you had come to expect from him. “What is it you’re trying to accomplish here, tooka?”

“I don’t know.” You weren’t lying, and he must have sensed that. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. And then he was kissing you, angling his body so that while his chest was pressed to yours, your lower bodies were no longer touching. You wound your arms around his neck, responding to his mouth and allowing him to thrust his tongue inside. He dropped a hand down, and you could hear him starting to masturbate. Your thoughts drifted to Kylo Ren, to all the people who had told you in your childhood that it was immoral to masturbate. Tilting your head back, you leaned against the wall while his breath washed over your face and his semen hit your stomach and legs.

The redhead grabbed hold of the washcloth that was kept in his shower for you. He wet it then passed it into your hand. You cleaned yourself off, stepping under the spray and using soap to eliminate all traces of him. General Hux exited the shower and began drying himself while you finished. You turned off the water, wrapping your towel around yourself and standing on the rug. Droplets of water slipped down your body while you stood there.

“I… I’m just going…to go back to my cell…” His eyes lifted to the mirror, wherein he glanced at your reflection.

“You’re going to start crying again.”

“I don’t know…probably. This was fine. I just…don’t know…how to feel. You’re still my enemy. I just wanted to touch someone…choosing to touch them.”

“I’m well aware. You couldn’t quite succeed.”

“No… I couldn’t.” He was drying off the entire time he spoke to you, and you had started to do the same. You redressed in the same jumpsuit, slipping your hand into the pocket and squeezing tightly the tooke hairclip. “Goodnight, general.”

You were taken back to your cell, which you gladly entered. There was a form upon your bed. A dark shape lying down, facing away from you. You lifted the hairpiece out of your pocket at long last, knelt on the bed behind him, and stared. His helmet was still on, and so you were unable to tell if he was asleep or not. His breathing was even, however that revealed nothing. You drew the covers up over yourself, your body flush against his as you wound an arm around him.

A grunt. The first indication that he was awake. The second was the hand that found the tooke clip, the fingers that pinched the object and drew it away from you. “You would fuck him…if you could bring yourself to do it.” His grip on it tightened, the hairclip making a noise of protest that had your heart rate increasing. Your hand flew to his, resting atop it. Kylo Ren willed himself to relax, and so your only possession was spared destruction.

You reached up higher, finding the latches and undoing them on his helmet. He allowed you to remove the object, though he did not assist you. You set his helmet on the ground beside the bed. Turning back to him, you touched his hair. Over a month since you had seen it. Felt it. You stretched your legs, touching your toes along the back of his leg.

“You’re wearing your boots in the bed…” He shifted, kicking off the boots and maneuvering them past you so that they fell to the ground. Not having realized you were tense at all, you nonetheless relaxed at the impression that he was planning on remaining with you for at least part of the night. “Sometimes I still miss you when you’re away.” Silence. “Am I not allowed to hear your real voice?”

He flicked his wrist, sending the tooke hairclip flying across the room. You winced. Kylo Ren rolled over, reaching past you and lifting up the helmet. It felt difficult to breathe as he pulled it back on. Moreso when he shifted off the bed and began to tug up his boots. You sat up quickly, pressing up against his back and grabbing onto his shoulders while resting your forehead on his spine. You trailed your limbs down the length of his body. Touching his hips, his abdomen. Unlike with General Hux, you were able to move your hands towards one another, cupping him through his pants. You groped him, massaging his cock through all the layers of clothing.

Kylo Ren remained still, not saying anything or making you stop. His breathing quickened a little, an indication of his arousal. He started trembling at your touch, as if he was fighting against it. You well knew why; the previous time you had touched him had been when you had also attempted to kill him. His leather gloves were cold when they touched your hands, when he pulled you away from his cock and stood.

You closed your eyes again, bowing your head. “Please don’t leave. Not tonight.” That painful silence. “It’s never going to be okay. You raped me. I’m never going to be okay.” There was silence, still, in your cell; and yet Kylo Ren had not taken another step to leave. You moved up onto your feet, grasping at the sleeve of his robes. He did not pull away this time. Nor did he tremble at your touch. You had started to cry again, much similarly to how you had broken down in front of General Hux when you had spoken of your first orgasm. “I…it hurts. It _hurts_ that I want to _hate_ you, but I _can’t_. It’s so fucked up.”

“Tooke…”

“Ren,” you whispered, and his head turned towards you, as though he had been expecting the response of _creature_ instead. The fingers of the arm you were holding began to bend. He lifted his wrist, touching his gloved hand to you. The seams of the leather were so familiar that you found yourself immediately relaxing at the feel of them. He set his hand on your hip, leading you backwards onto the bed. Once more did he kick off his boots and slide underneath the blankets. You clutched onto the neckline of his clothing, pressed your mouth to the front of his mask, and kissed the metal. Once, a second time, and a third. Slow kisses, partly to convince yourself that this was real. “You ruined me, Ren.” His body shuddered, as though with a sob, and his arms wound around you.

You sniffled, speaking against the mouthpiece of his mask so that there were light vibrations, which caused your lips to tingle. “When I was little… I was told there was a monster that lived under the bed, that it liked to eat children. It ate them because they were innocent. If you put your foot on the ground, that chill you get, the goosebumps, are because of his breath. I was always afraid to put my foot down at night. I thought about that story…that time you made me…the first time.” You licked your lips, tasting the metal and knowing you had left a trail of saliva along it. “When you called me _tooke_ … I knew why you did it. You had managed to learn that I was from Naboo… A tooke is the first thing I ever remember seeing die.

“Some boys had caught one, and they were poking at it. Being cruel. One finally grabbed it and threw it hard on its back, breaking it. Another boy stomped on it. It was…gross. I cried a lot. The boys laughed at me, at the other little girl who was there and crying. They thought it was funny, but they also had this look…like they thought it was disgusting too. Like they regretted it, even though they would probably have done it again.” You reached for the zipper of the jumpsuit, drawing it downwards and shrugging out of your clothes. “And the difference is…you never had that look on your face…where you thought it was funny. Maybe you didn’t regret it, but it wasn’t funny either.”

“You’re ruined,” he said, repeating your earlier words. You dipped your chin, whispering out _I am_ as he set a hand to your face, cupping your cheek. His thumb ran over your cheekbone then shifted to your lips, which he traced as well. “You don’t know what you like… When I touch you, it’s all you know.” You set your hand atop his. You were unable to stop crying completely, though you did have some control over yourself. “He’s offered you a victory…for the Resistance… You never stop fighting, and you’re so desperate. Desperate enough to trust your enemy.”

“Not completely.”

“It doesn’t have to be complete trust, tooke.” He sighed, touching your naked side. “They were indecent.” You nodded, knowing full well he was speaking of the officers and ‘troopers that had flashed you, groped you. “You’re…afraid to touch anyone.” Kylo Ren scooped you up so that when he rolled onto his back, you were lying atop him. “Fine, tooke.”

“What?”

“You may touch him. A single time.” You lifted your chin and searched the expressionless mask for answers to unspoken questions. “He thinks he can control me…through you. Yet you’re seeking permission, whether you realize it or not. You’re _mine_.” Your breath left you all at once.

“Why do you want me to—“

“He means nothing to you. An enemy. The only person you can run to, yes; however… You do not pity him. You would kill him if given the chance. He may intrigue you on certain levels, but he means nothing.”

It shook you to your very core; the implication that Kylo Ren meant something—because, on some level, he _did_.

“You have your uses to the Supreme Leader…to me. The intention has always been to have you bend to the will of the First Order. I don’t need you broken. General Hux seems to have forgotten—above all else, you are _my_ prisoner. My…fix.”

You rested your head on his chest, your cheek against the material of his cowl. “You weren’t aroused the first time you made me—“

“I was in your head, tooke. Seeing your fear. Hearing the words of those who had always told you to be ashamed of it. You were aroused. A purely physical response. I could hear everything—it’s not something I took pleasure in.”

“I…I’m more than just a tool.”

“Obstinate tooke.” You laughed, the sound mingling with a sob. It was horrible, really, that being there with him felt so _normal_ for you.

What wasn’t normal was slowly stripping in front of General Hux the next evening while the redhead sat on his bed. His datapad was in his hand, however his gaze was on you. You appeared to have caught him off-guard. The moment the door had closed, you had started to slide off each article of clothing. His cold, calculating gaze swept up your body then back down, his eyes trained on your cunt. General Hux lifted his chin, staring down the length of his nose at you while setting his datapad off to the side. Millicent shifted off the bed and began to play with one of her cat toys. When the man gestured for you to bend over the edge of his bed, you complied.

You rested your forearms against the mattress, frowning and not knowing how you felt about this. His hand, still covered by his glove, was on your ass for a moment. Then he slapped your right ass cheek. You grunted, flinching “He gave _permission_ , didn’t he?” the redhead growled out, smacking your left cheek this time. You wrinkled your nose and buried your face against his covers. It wasn’t unpleasant—he wasn’t hitting you hard enough to hurt you—and yet you weren’t entirely sure this inspired arousal in you. Given that he was your enemy when it came down to things, him striking you in any manner had your instincts screaming at you to retaliate. General Hux, observant as ever, chuckled. “They trained you well.” Rather than spank you again, he ran his hand along the curve of your ass. He slipped his fingers between your outer lips, teasing your labia and tracing up to your clitoris. “He wants you to explore.” A scoff, as though he was mocking Kylo Ren, who was not even present.

“Kriff, you’re an ass,” you said, peeking down at him past your arm, which was still braced against the bed. General Hux’s lips pulled away from his teeth in a grin, and his hands fell to his pants. You could see the way they were tented, the bulge therein. “Men have such weird tastes.”

“Hmm?” He paused, knitting his brow.

“Or maybe it’s just the men of the First Order.”

“I could be gentle,” he said, quirking a brow. You blinked, slowly releasing a breath and watching him. “You truly _don’t_ know what you like.”

“I…liked it when he…with his mouth.”

General Hux licked his lips and moved onto his knees while withdrawing his cock from his pants. He traced a hand along your pussy. You shuddered, feeling his tongue on you. He used his thumbs to spread your lips wider, plunging his tongue into your depths. You immediately seized on your bottom lip and groaned. A chuckle escaped him. Wrapping your arm around yourself so that your eyes were blocked, you focused on the sensations running through you rather than the man. He was your enemy, and it likely thrilled him to be in such a position _over_ his enemy, his prisoner. His self-control, the obvious level of respect he held for you were the only reasons you were going along with this. It was, strangely, comfortable being in his bed like this.

“Mm…I can see why Ren does this. You taste delicious.” Your jaw dropped. Your vaginal walls felt as though they were pulsating, his words making you wetter. He grunted then groaned, noisily slurping up your juices. “Kriff… You feel so tight.” That was when he slipped the first digit inside of you, starting to fuck you with it. You rocked into his touch, mumbling something into your arm. “Hmm?”

“T-take off your glove…please.”

“Please, what?”

“You’re…going to make me call you _sir_ during this? Seriously?”

“General is sufficient.”

“Kriff, you’re exasperating.” You rolled your eyes. “Please, _General_ , take off your glove.” The finger left you long enough for him to comply, and then it was thrusting in and out of your depths again. “Not so rough.” He slowed his pace, and you sighed in contentment. General Hux teased your clit with his tongue. “That’s nice.”

He stood, removing his finger and positioning his cock at your entrance. “I wonder what it is Ren believes he’s up… Permission to fuck you.” A snort, and then he was hissing in pleasure as he pushed into you. You gripped the blankets underneath your body, turning so that your forehead was resting on your arm. You released several swears as well as a few incoherent words. “Mm… Are you going to critique _this_ as well, tooka?”

“You’re both such snarky shits.” For this comment he spanked your right ass cheek, which caused you to release a quiet whimper. “That feels weird.”

“Oh?” You could practically _feel_ him tilt his head to the side so that he could get a better look at your face. “You’re still _very_ wet.”

“I…didn’t say it was bad. It’s just weird.” General Hux delivered another light slap to your ass, and you met his next thrust. Biting your bottom lip again, you moved your arm away and looked down at him. “I don’t like this position. You’re making me feel…”

“So fucking submissive?” he said, practically a mind reader. The redhead pulled out long enough to allow you to turn onto your back, and then he was between your legs and on top of you. “I suppose I should be kissing you as well?” His mouth was already nearly on top of yours, and you knew he _wanted_ to kiss you. You wrapped your legs around his waist, tugging him closer. Both of you moaned, your tongues entwining as you allowed your hands to explore his chest. When at last he stopped kissing you, he had his mouth by your ear. “You have to realize, tooka, that you _are_ submissive to the First Order. It’s your only choice. To let us use you in order to hold onto the hope that you may use us as well.”

“Perhaps, General Hux…but during _sex_?” He captured the lobe of your ear with his teeth, gently nipping at you in a way that had your toes curling. Simultaneously, he hooked his thumb into your mouth, and you obediently started to suck on it. When he was satisfied with its wetness, he dropped the digit to your clit, rocking back and forth. “Mm.”

“Very well,” he murmured against your flesh, kissing a trail back to your mouth. You wrapped your arms around his neck, tugging him closer. He suddenly chuckled, pulling back enough so that he could stare down at you. “Did you see an opening, tooka?” You blushed. He had caught you red-handed; no doubt your entire body had tensed when you had seen a chance to attack his throat. That he _had_ noticed, however, implied you would have failed. His teeth sunk into your neck, though he did not draw blood. You whimpered, swearing as his thumb worked you faster, harder. You were an incoherent mess as you came; his hips did not still, the man pounding into you, chasing his own release. You felt him cum inside of you, and your eyes locked with his. Sweat had gathered on your body as well as his, and it made the two of you stick to one another a bit. General Hux pulled out of you, rolling onto his back and lying there on his bed.

You watched him in your peripheral, making a mental note that he seemed ready, as always, to deflect you should you attempt to do him any harm.

“Do you always cry during sex?” General Hux inquired, causing you to blink. The wetness of your tears, the ones you hadn’t even realized had formed, caused you pause.

“I…I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“I had hoped to _avoid_ such things by agreeing to this.” You scoffed, wiping at your eyes. The redhead clicked his tongue against his teeth, swiping his thumb across your line of tears.

“You should drink them now. It’ll be funny,” you said sarcastically. He chuckled, slipped his thumb into his mouth, and swallowed your tears—the tears of his enemy. “This isn’t supposed to be emotional at all. Purely physical. I don’t know why I’m crying. It wasn’t even bad.” A noise caught in his throat, and you found yourself giggling. Your laughter gave way to a moan when General Hux slid two fingers into you, gathering his cum on them and then thrusting them into your mouth. You swallowed, your eyes wide at his expression—he was _thrilled_ with his position of power over you.

“Do you like that?” he teased, not waiting for an answer before he scooped up more of his semen and forced it into your mouth.

“It’s kind of gross,” you said when his fingers left your mouth with a _pop_. “That was…in me… It’s gross.” General Hux chuckled, laughing in a way you knew he did not often. “Men are weird.”

“So gross,” he said mockingly, and you felt your cheeks heating up again. “Kriff, you’re a treat. No wonder Ren hasn’t tired of you… Much different than the other Resistance we’ve caught in the past.”

“Oh, so you _do_ have sex with all your prisoners, general. Such a whore,” you teased, brushing away his hand, which had begun to stroke you. He moved instead to fondle your chest, and this you allowed. “I should shower…and return to my cell.” He took his hand off of you, allowing you to get up so that you could do just that. After you were showered and dressed in fresh clothing, you gave him a quick kiss. “Goodnight, general.”

In your cell, Kylo Ren was seated on the edge of your bed, waiting for you. His helmet remained on his head, his face still hidden behind that mask. You sighed, shifted a little, and stepped into the room. When the door closed behind you, you wrapped your arms around yourself. You weren’t sure how to react to his presence. How he planned on acting around you. His hands were set into loose fists, which were resting on his thighs. Despite this, his entire body appeared relaxed.

“You’ve had consensual sex…congratulations.” You smiled weakly at his teasing. Kylo Ren pressed off the bed, crossed the room, and stood above you. You tilted your head back in order to stare at the visor, meeting his gaze as best you could. “Did you like it?”

“You’re both very, _very_ gross.” 

He chuckled. “You’re funny, tooke.”

_My enemy, my friend;  
I don’t know which is more deadly.  
My enemy/my friend;  
Oh, how you’ve ruined me._


	17. SEVENTEEN

**Three Blind Tooke  
** _Part One: Resistance is Futile_  
Chapter Seventeen: Trapped in the Middle

_The lie of freedom:_  
It’s free for all.  
The cost of freedom:  
Many will fall. 

You had always known that things would never be the same for you; not once you were captured by the First Order, by Kylo Ren. Your new normal had become trying to escape, which had then transformed into attempts at gaining an upper hand so that you could aid the Resistance. In the past that had meant attempting to kill Kylo Ren. Presently, however, you found that keeping him alive, as well as General Hux, was at least temporarily in your best interest. They were your way to arrive on the planet, for showing either a Resistance member or sympathizer that you were alive—and hopefully the Resistance would act accordingly. On that note, your mind would every time wander to _your_ General. She wished to defeat the First Order, and yet you could not deny that she would likely attempt to save her son.

 _It may already be beyond that point,_ you thought bitterly, scowling and looking over at the man. It was the first time he had brought you into his room. Tomorrow you would be arriving on the planet. You were being given a proper night’s rest. Given that you had been having nightmares and General Hux was busy with other matters—and would have no doubt refused to have you in his bed overnight anyhow—you had been allowed into Kylo Ren’s quarters. You had not seen him without his mask since that night in your cell. Even then, you had not seen his face. Had not heard his real voice. He hadn’t allowed you to touch him, nor deigned to touch you in the ways he had in the past. _I may have ruined all of General Organa’s chances of having her son back._

Kylo Ren, seated in his chair as he had been for the last two hours, at last stood. You watched him walk into the refresher. Waited, listening for the sounds of the shower running but heard instead him using the toilet. You pinched the bridge of your nose, groaning. It had become your new normal, to want to be near Kylo Ren. To understand him on some level. For want of any company at all—he was the most familiar to you, in both his monstrous deeds and moments of expressed humanity. When he walked out of the refresher, he paused in the doorway. You were looking at him.

“You think I should trust you, tooke? Trust my enemy…” A dry, dark chuckle. “Such foolishness.”

“Bind my hands. Muzzle me. Like when you first had me.” He angled his body in a manner that spoke volumes; he wasn’t sure how to take what you were saying. “I’m not asking you to be weak, Kylo… I just… Even if it’s only for a moment.” A static-filled noise escaped him, much like a snort of disbelief. You laid your hands one atop the other in your lap and stared at the blanket.

Kylo Ren strode over to you, set his knee against the mattress, and placed a hand against your cheek. You felt your bottom lip beginning to quiver, and so bit down on it. His thumb made its way to the corner of your mouth. You turned your head, parting your lips and taking the digit gently between your teeth. He pressed the cold metal of his mouthpiece to the side of your neck. You raised both hands, grasping the front of his robe as the first sob wracked your body. You did not want to feel this way, not for your enemy. Yet you had already accepted your feelings to be present. On some level, your pity had evolved into a sort of caring.

That was why it hurt so deeply that he no longer wished to show you his face; that he preferred to remain more _monstrous_ and _inhuman_ to you. His thumb left your mouth with a wet pop. You turned your head and kissed the front of his mask. You could feel him tense up a little, as though he was attempting to figure out whether or not you had ulterior motives for behaving the way you were.

“I need something to hold onto,” you whispered against the metal.

“Nothing in the physical sense this time,” he responded, his head tilting to the side ever so slightly. “False hope… Foolish ideals… In the end, they’ll offer no support.”

“You said you have no compassion for an enemy of the First Order.”

“I don’t.”

“…then why do you care if my hopes are false, if they’ll crush me in the end?” For this he had no response. You watched as he dipped his chin and stared down at the bed. “I’m not looking for…love…Ren. I only… You say I am your fix. I know, on some level, I mean something. And it’s sickening and crazy and I don’t understand why I feel…something…for you as well. Something beyond what we’re supposed to feel as enemies.” Still there was silence from him. “Ren, I’m not… I told you, I’m not asking for you to be weak. I’m…on some level, you…did win.”

“Admitting defeat, tooke?”

“In that you’re right…that I miss you…when you aren’t near me.”

“I am near you,” he said, his modulated voice laced with both confusion and teasing.

“You…aren’t. You’re wearing a mask. I’m bare. It’s how it’s always been, right? You clothed. Me naked. An uneven relationship. Toxic, one would say. I need the false hope that maybe, on some level, you see me as an equal.”

“You would not be my fix if we were so unevenly matched, tooke.”

“So you say. Yet you’re wearing a mask. You sometimes let me make the decision whether or not we would have sex in the past. Coercion some of those times. Other times…a way for me to hold onto something physically. Or to be able to use my body against you in some way. It wasn’t always rape, not completely. It was never… Even with General Hux, it… He was my only suitable alternative, to see what it was like to have sex with someone who wasn’t you. You let me do that. As though, on some level, you respected me. Understood that it was the only way I could try to come to terms with all that has happened.

“You say you have no compassion, and yet… Some of the things you do, it almost seems as though you _do_ care. And then I hurt you…it wasn’t just physically for you that time. You felt as though I betrayed you, and yet I’m supposed to be your enemy… And now you’re hiding in that mask. I’m not asking you to be weak by taking off the mask, Ren. I’m asking you to be a man, and _look_ at me. Be right here with me. Because I need to hold onto something, and I can’t be your fix if I—“

You broke off when Kylo Ren’s hands went to the sides of his helmet. You held your breath as the telltale clicking noise echoed in the room. Rather than remove the object completely, however, he lifted the helmet only enough that his lips were revealed to you. You slowly released your breath, moving forward and pressing your mouth to his. After that single kiss, you threw yourself against him, wrapping your arms around him and burying your face against his chest as you started to cry.

“Tooke…” The sound of his real voice only made your tears fall more rapidly.

“You ruined everything. You’re my enemy, I shouldn’t give a shit about you,” you sobbed out, your nails digging into the material of his robes. “I shouldn’t have felt as though I needed to touch…to _trust_ another of my enemies to feel what sex was like when I’m not with you. I shouldn’t want to touch you other than to harm you, to kill you. You _ruined_ me! And it’s so fucked up, because you say I’m your fix. Yet you _broke_ me. _I_ need to be fixed…and I don’t think I ever will be.

“I’ll _never_ know what it’s like to be made love to… You _don’t_ love me. Whatever you feel, it isn’t love. Compassion. It isn’t quite love, and I’ll never… You try to hide behind that _stupid_ mask, and—“

His mouth found yours, his tongue delving inside immediately so that you were forced to swallow whatever else you had been about to say. Rather than be insulted or angered by the action, you allowed him to kiss you. You could, after all, feel the way he had started to tremble. As though he did not know how to contain himself, as though he was fighting against a torrent of emotions as well. He fully removed his helmet at last. Your eyes locked with his as he spread you out on the bed. You remained looking at one another as Kylo Ren stripped the both of you completely before lying on top of you. Your legs were spread for him, and he entered you with a certain slowness that caused your heart to race.

It wasn’t quite love.

It was his compassion for you—you, an enemy of the First Order, his fix to prevent him from turning back to the Light—that influenced his every move. The gentle kiss to your mouth, his nose tracing along the side of yours, his arms wrapped around you, _holding_ you rather than restraining you.

And for once it wasn’t _Ben_ that your mind was chanting. Nor was it the name he had taken for himself. It was, simply, _You_. Mentally spoken with such familiarity, as though the two of you had known one another in the past, in a different form. Aloud you did say something else:

“Ren.”

Rather than reply with _tooke_ , he whispered your name. You shuddered under him, gasping as your eyelids began to flutter in orgasm. His body trembled as well as he came.

You swallowed thickly. “This… This, Ren. I…like…this.” You had started to cry again, had brought your hands over your eyes after those words had left your lips. The horror of the realization of their truth. “This is what I had always thought it’d be like.”

“No, tooke. It always hurts the first time.”

“Not to the extent that it did.”

“…no. You’re right.” You lowered your hands from your face so that you could again watch him. He was observing you; you doubted he had looked away a single time. “But then…you were my enemy.”

“I still am.”

“ _My_ enemy, tooke?” he asked, his lips twitching then quirking up into an amused grin. “No. You are still an enemy of the First Order. In certain respects, you will still battle with me. But…we are not enemies.”

You furrowed your brow. “You say such weird things, Ren. Before you took off the mask, you said that we were enemies. What changed?”

“Part of you doesn’t want to kill me. Not because of the violence in the act, but because you have started to care for me. That’s not an enemy, tooke. You admitted this all with…what you said.”

“I…hate that you’re right.” You narrowed your eyes as you spoke. Unlike in the past, you had little desire to kill him. You would defend yourself and also attempt to disarm him if it meant helping the Resistance; however, unlike before, you would take little pleasure in it. Your mind wandered to his morbid collection, to the ashes you had always believed you would become a part of. At last did you tear your gaze away from him. You turned over onto your side, facing away, and heavily sighed.

Kylo Ren shifted so that his body was aligned with yours. “There will be plenty of opportunities for you to attack us tomorrow. To attempt to escape.”

“All would be foolish… I already know that.”

“True…but are you desperate, tooke?” You blinked. “Desperate enough to trust your enemy… Are you desperate enough to try something so foolish?”

“It…would hurt the Resistance more than help them. I won’t do anything like that.”

Not that you could even if you had wanted to; one of the first things done in the morning following your shower was you enduring a tracker being attached to you. It was secured around your wrist, which you supposed was more humane than what slaves on Tatooine had had to endure in the past. You were given a simple outfit, one that allowed individuals to easily discern that you were a prisoner. Yet nothing crude, and it was, you had to admit, sewn with cloth that you found to be to your liking. The restraints on your wrists were nominal, and anyone looking your way would know just that.

The moment you set your feet upon the ground, you swayed and bumped into Kylo Ren. He did nothing to steady you other than remain in the same position until you regained your footing. General Hux turned his head to look your way. His lips pursed. He said nothing, and the few stormtroopers nearby shifted uncomfortably, as though they were uncertain how to react. Other visitors to the planet, as well as some of the natives, spared you a few fleeting glances. You were rather thankful that none of their gazes lingered. At the same time, you hoped that one of those who looked at you belonged to the Resistance.

Though you were not entirely certain what it was General Hux—or the First Order, for that matter—was doing on the planet, you knew that your presence was simply to make him look good. You would not meet with any of the other political figures with whom they would be dealing. This was confirmed the moment Kylo Ren escorted you to a small table while General Hux and the ‘troopers walked further into the building. Before they were out of sight, you noticed two figures waiting for him. They each eyed you with mild curiosity.

You set your hands on the table and stared at the chain that connected your wrists. Kylo Ren’s masked face turned to you. You were doing all that you could to not glance around the area, scared of the off chance that you would recognize someone. That you recognizing them would lead to them dying.

 _What if they think I’ve turned traitor?_ you could not help but wonder. You scowled deeply. _Maybe that’s exactly what they want. It would cause a number of my comrades to act brashly…make stupid moves._

“I’m being played,” you muttered, low enough so that only the man sitting next to you could hear. He grunted in response, his reply neither an affirmation nor a denial of what you said. “Somehow this helps the First Order more than it does me… I knew that to begin with, yet… You’re trying to flush out the other—“ You broke of with a strangled growl. That could not be it. You touched near your eye, only to have your hand caught by one of his leather-clad limbs. You frowned, knowing he was preventing you from smearing the makeup that was hiding the traces of your fading black eyes. “You believe someone important to the Resistance is here. You’re hoping my presence will throw them off.”

“It took you longer than expected to arrive at this conclusion,” Kylo Ren said, as though he were bored. Your frown only deepened, and you snatched your hand away from him. The chain jingled a bit with your movement, which caused your current companion to dip his chin so that he could stare at the metal. “You would kill them before they were forced to reveal information to the First Order…if only you had the chance to do so.”

You held back any retort, having caught sight of General Hux striding towards where you and Ren sat together. You eyed the redhead with more than a little suspicion. He wore too smug of an expression for your liking. Whatever business deal he had come to conduct, you gathered that it had met with success. “You look rather displeased, tooka,” he drawled upon arriving at the edge of the table.

“The Resistance won’t be deceived by such—“

“Ah, you’ve at last discovered another of the reasons you were brought here. Rest assured, you’re doing a rather splendid job of it.” He stood with his arms crossed behind his back, his head cocked to the side and a single eyebrow raised. “You have very little experience in the political aspects of this war. How could you possibly know the entirety of the plan, much less how the target will react to the sight of you with _me_.”

“You’re rather despicable, general,” you said plainly. A smirk settled on his face as he pulled out a chair and took the seat across from you. The stormtroopers approached, some of them remaining in a standing position while a few also seated themselves. “But if you think you can win by using me, you are mistaken.”

“I do not place all my eggs in a single basket.” He relaxed in his seat, his eyes wandering along your face. “Perhaps you should use the refresher.”

You _hated_ that he could tell you needed to do so. His powers of observation did not sit well with you, though you were not surprised by them. He had, after all, exhibited them plenty of times in the past. You pushed up off the table and headed in the direction of the facilities. Once inside the refresher, you walked to the center of the tiled floor and there stood. Your head was spinning with an assortment of thoughts. Apprehension was building up within you. Before it could render you completely immobile, you darted into the nearest stall to take care of business.

As you washed your hands, the door to the refresher opened. The female who entered was no one that you recognized, and so you did nothing more than glance her way. If anyone dared approach you, they would be doing so at their detriment. At the detriment to the Resistance as well.

 _I’d rather be thought a traitor than be a pawn in the general’s scheme. Than for his plans to come into fruition._ It felt as though something hot a bitter were rolling around in the pit of your stomach. Kylo Ren had said that the two of you were not quite enemies—your feelings of wanting him dead, however, were rising. It did not matter if one was a human or a monster, you thought. It could never matter how much it hurt to pull to trigger nor how numb it would make you.

You thought, too, of the coupling from the previous night. Somber. A small part of you wondered if it would have been more insulting, more painful if he had been that gentle when first he had had you—when he had fully raped you rather than this strange reluctant acceptance of his advances on your part.

That idea that you could thank someone for their violence against you was something that caused you to stand there in the refresher with your arms dangling at your sides. Water dripped from your hands onto the floor.

You were almost grateful that Kylo Ren had been violent in those initial assaults. That he had been forceful instead of compassionate. He had given you a reason to hate him—or, at the very least, a part of him—no matter what his future actions may be. A part of you would always resent him for what he had done. And you were _thankful_.

It meant that you would not lose sight of your goal.

You dried off your hands before pushing the door to the refresher open and exiting. You paused a few steps away, your attention drawn to the various exits of the building. Yet more actions that would only harm the Resistance. Your only choice, if you wanted to remain perfectly loyal, was to stay as a prisoner of the First Order. You nearly gave into the urge to drag your feet as you returned to the table. General Hux now had a drink in hand, which he lifted to his lips. He surveyed you whilst he drank. You, meanwhile, slipped back onto the chair that you had previously occupied.

Not long after you resumed sitting, a drink was placed in front of you. You stared at the frothy swirl of melting whip cream that graced the top of your hot chocolate then looked to Kylo Ren. You could not help but wonder if it was laced with a sedative or some other drug. “It wouldn’t do us any good,” General Hux stated with a scoff, as though he was as capable a mind reader as Kylo Ren. You lifted the cup, hesitated still, and then at last took your first drink. As you drank, your eyes darted around the establishment.

Sometimes it was difficult to remember that you were supposed to be dead. That the sight of you _alive_ could be enough to trigger anyone. Could cause multiple people to stare. Frustration welled up inside of you. Though not all were so careless, you could clearly see that the First Order had been alerted to a number of Resistance sympathizers and members. They were using you more than you were able to use them. Damn if you didn’t feel the strong urge to throw your hot drink in the redhead’s face. 

Your body language must have given away your thoughts. “Did you underestimate me, tooka?” You set down the glass of hot chocolate and pressed your legs towards one another to ward off your growing urge to go for his throat. There were no openings to do so, and you would be stopped if you tried. By the stormtroopers. By Kylo Ren. By General Hux himself.

“I may have,” you admitted with a snarl. “You still haven’t ousted the individual you were hoping to. I suppose I should take that as consolation.”

“Mm. Yet the day is not done, is it?” This comment made you think it odd that he rose from the table, that you were pulled to your feet, and that the group you were forced to be a part of took leave of the establishment. You sulked a bit as you walked. It was not towards the transport ship that you were headed; instead, a hotel of sorts was the final destination. Only two rooms were booked, the general displeased that the neither had two beds inside. He eyed the king-sized bed that he was to share with you and Ren with distaste. “Kriff, how revolting.”

You rolled your eyes and moved to climb on the bed. General Hux’s hand shot out, catching your shoulder and tugging you backwards. You huffed out a sigh, watching him in your peripheral as his lips pursed. You were uncertain whether he was more disappointed with the fact that he was going to share a bed with Kylo Ren, or with you. Judging from the fact that his gaze darted to your mouth, namely to your teeth, you suspected it was the latter.

“It wouldn’t do me any good to attempt to kill you here, General,” you muttered, tugging away from him and once more closing the distance to the bed. This time no one stopped you. You placed both of your chained hands onto the edge of the mattress, climbed atop it, and crawled over to the pillows. You rolled onto your back, laying your head on the center pillow, and stared up at the ceiling. “This is a challenge of patience, isn’t it? You seeing if I’ll behave long enough to draw out your target. Me acting accordingly so that this does not occur. Weighing the risks of each and every action. Which of us will succeed, General?”

“I suspect that I will, however I am aware that I may be incorrect in that assumption. It is a risk that I must take.”

Kylo Ren had removed his helmet, which he set on the bedside table prior to climbing onto the mattress. His back was facing you, and his arm was curled under his head. General Hux, meanwhile, had started to shrug out of his greatcoat, which he draped neatly over a chair. He set his cap on the desk, smoothed out any creases that were present, and at last crossed the room to the bed. Rather than lying down as you and Ren did, he simply sat on the edge of it. You listened as he untied his boots. Everything so orderly. It caused a smile to form on your face.

When he set his blaster on the other bedside table, within his reach, you chuckled. Kylo Ren shifted, looking over his shoulder at you. General Hux merely grunted and muttered out something you did not quite catch. “You don’t strike me as someone who’s jumpy, General.”

“And yet?”

“Given that I’m your enemy, will you shoot me in the middle of the night should I get up to use the refresher?”

“I just may,” he said in an even tone that had you looking directly at the back of his head. You could practically hear his smirk. Kylo Ren chuckled, which did not help matters. You glared at the both of them then returned your attention to the ceiling. “Your foot may be a decent enough target.”

“Ah, and then you’ll carry me, General?”

“You can be dragged, tooka.”

“My arm would probably cause you less troubles.”

“Hmm…”

Kylo Ren turned over completely, winding an arm around you and dragging you over to him. General Hux stretched out on the bed. His mind appeared to have wandered, his gaze not focused, though this in no way meant that his guard was down.

“You won’t win, General,” you said for what felt like the thousandth time. His lips curled upwards into a cruel smile. He said nothing in response, and did not look your way. Kylo Ren’s mouth was near your ear. You could hear him breathing, and you felt it when his lips also turned upwards. “You’re both assholes.”

“And gross?” they each said, their voices blending and echoing.

_There are three,_  
Which one shall die?  
Of these three,  
It shan’t be I. 


	18. EIGHTEEN

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Eighteen: Surrender to Hope; a Rope Around Your Throat

_I held you in the palm of my hands,  
And then I set you free;  
It was to test the bond we had—  
Seeing if you’d come back to me._

_You had been born into a broken world. The Rebel Alliance had succeeded in overthrowing the tyrannical Empire. Life on Naboo sometimes sheltered you from the horrors of the war, and yet you had not been completely shielded from all things. None of the children had been, hence the morbid tales they would tell such as the creature that lurked underneath the bed. The difference in views amongst even the senators was what had prompted your father to first teach you how to use a gun. When you grew older, you wondered if he had somehow_ known _that you would be a part of the next war._

You doubted he would have ever believed you would be in bed with your enemies. Wrists restrained as the General of the First Order breathed evenly in his sleep. You were watching him, unable to tear your eyes away. The man’s blaster was within reach—not that it would do _you_ any good. As for Kylo Ren, he was observing you. Awake, though relaxed. He had since taken his arm away from you, no longer holding you. It was a precarious balance—you were his fix, and yet you were still Resistance.

You passively wondered if he had viewed you as a sort of monster. The memory of him listing off your kills sprung to mind. Soldiers with families. Had he brought up these facts to wound you, or had he been marveling over the war that he, too, played a part in?

No one wanted to empathize with their enemy. Did Kylo Ren hold resentment towards you at all for becoming someone he did pity? He had isolated you to condition you to, in some capacity, enjoy him. This had allowed you to also see the way he isolated himself from others. More than simple emotions. He shied away from the company of most other beings. As though he could not trust himself with them, or did not trust them with himself. Not that he fully trusted you either—but…

His hand grazed over your hair, his fingers getting caught momentarily in a knot. This man, the one who treated you with such tenderness, had killed a countless number of your allies. The other man, the one who would shoot you without hesitation if provoked, had done likewise. The number of their allies you had killed could be counted—easily. It was never about the numbers when it came to war. It was about the impact a single death could cause. One could have killed any number of Imperialists back before the Rebel Alliance had won. That had meant little. It was not until the death of the Emperor himself that change had started—the change you were now fighting to keep.

Even if only one—important—death occurred, the individual who committed the act—murder, assassination, what have you—would never be the same again. Death changed people, whether they were the one to commit it, or simply bore witness.

_The first death you remembered ever seeing was the little tooke. The first death you remembered causing was later in life, on the battlefield. It had been ugly. You had blasted off the officer’s jaw; he hadn’t even been your target—you had missed. You had squeezed off two blasts more to finish killing the officer before turning your attention back to your target. In the end, another did that job for you. You were too busy choking back vomit and gagging between gulps of air. Too soon were you acclimated to the sight of death, to the horrors one could encounter on the battlefield._

You remembered that Ip had still been with you the second time you had caught sight of Kylo Ren on the battlefield. Back then you were still trying to remind yourself he was human. Only now, with his breath hitting your neck, did you believe this to be factual. He was human, which was _worse_ than if he had been a monster. Knowing that humans were capable of monstrous acts—it made you long for childhood.

General Hux rolled onto his side in his sleep. You knit your brow whilst staring at his face. This was perhaps the only time he was not on his guard. The man could have been one of your allies. You dragged your tongue along your teeth. Kylo Ren slid his hand up the length of your body, two fingers pressing near your lips before thrusting into your mouth. You allowed him to pin your tongue down. There was movement in the rooms surrounding yours. Feet on the ground, sounding through the ceiling. Laughter coming from another room. The squeaking of a bed in another. The headboard must have slammed against the wall, for the resultant thud roused the redhead.

He muttered something under his breath that you did not quite catch. Hux ran a hand over his eyes. “Go to the bathroom now.” Kylo Ren removed his hand from your mouth with a pop, and you slid to the end of the bed before heading into the refresher. When you returned, you found General Hux scrolling through reports on his datapad. Kylo was eyeing the reports as well, though his gaze flicked briefly to you as you climbed back into bed. Escaping now would do you no good. Instead, it would place countless people in danger. You wondered if there was another way to warn their target. The Force user looked away from the datapad once more.

_Before you had been recruited into the splinter cell, you had counted the amount of your allies who were killed. Within the first week you were in the double digits. By the middle of the third, the triple. People died all the time; some of the deaths were easily masked by the First Order, who appeared innocent in the eyes of some. The moment word reached you that there would be a splinter cell that would specialize in targeting key members of the First Order, you jumped at the chance to worm your way into those ranks. That was the first time you had personally met General Organa. One of the only times._

_You had been leaning against a railing, your arms crossed in front of you and rested on the metal pole, and you had been staring ahead without really seeing anything. She had walked over to you, also leaned against the rail, and released a heavy breath. You hardly noticed her aside from the fact that she was present. It wasn’t the first time another Resistance member had come near you in this manner. When you felt her watching you, however, you straightened and really took her in. Recognition flooded you, and you stiffened considerably._

_“General,” you uttered out awkwardly, feeling much like a fool. She inclined her head in greeting, saying your rank and name. The fact that she personally welcomed you to the new cell, that she thanked you for dedicating yourself to the cause, for accepting the risks, was one of the reasons you had promised yourself that you would do well. It was one of the reasons you had always been adamant that you would never allow the First Order to gain the upper hand._

You felt as though you had lied to yourself all those times.

General Hux had left the bedroom in order to shower, and Kylo Ren had hooked your bound arms around the headboard in a manner that made it to where you could not free yourself. These were the sort of men you had been trained to kill. Yet you were their prisoner. Forced into allowing them to use you in order to lure one of your allies—or multiple allies—to death. You would have screamed in frustration if not for the gag General Hux had shoved into your mouth; he suspected that you would give away your location to one of your allies, especially now that you had discovered their plan was more devious than you had initially believed. You bit into it, snarling. Kylo Ren was pacing the room, always in your line of sight.

By the time the redhead had completed his shower and finished dressing for the day, you could hear the knocks of the door. Kylo Ren hardly looked up. The ginger eyed the door with mild interest, however waited. The Force user paused in his pacing, that visor landing on you. And then he was jerking away his gaze, holding out a hand towards the door so that it opened as though of its own accord.

“The Galactic Senate is still fooled,” a garbled voice rang out as the owner stepped into the room. You glowered at the helmeted individual, whose gender as well as species you were uncertain of. You doubted they were human. “As you suspected, General Hux, the evidence against her when it comes to her crimes… You have sympathy from those on this planet.”

“The senator has evacuated the planet, I take it,” General Hux said, sounding neither surprised nor disappointed.

The helmeted individual adjusted their weight onto one side, shuffling a little while regarding Kylo Ren. The Force user was angled as though ready to strike. This perhaps had much to do with the fact that the newcomer continuously fingered their weapon, as well as seemed to look your way. You breathed through the gag in your mouth, eyeing the other in return. A bounty hunter, you realized. A bounty hunter that was working for the First Order—and you were the bait that would be used. It was not, as you had believed, the political figure him/herself that was the target. Someone else…someone who would be revealed now that the senator had left. Now that the First Order could reap the benefits without the New Republic observing what was _really_ occurring.

 _These fuckers,_ you thought bitterly. Your general had been labeled a warmonger for warning the Galactic Senate of the activities of the First Order. For them not believing her. For it being discovered that she was the daughter of the fallen sith lord Darth Vader. Yet everything she had said, everything you had ever believed in, was proving to be true.

“Our prisoner is not to be harmed,” Genearl Hux stated. The bounty hunter straightened suddenly, as though insulted at the implication that anything other than a job well done would be the end result. “She’s willing to die, Miovtha.” The bounty hunter relaxed once more, nodding in understanding. “We previously spoke of her skill set.”

“It will be put to good use, general,” Miovtha rumbled out. You felt a sinking in your stomach. The other LDS, you now understood, was the target. He—she?—had escaped from the other planet on which he/she had hidden for so long. Likely this bounty hunter had been hired weeks ago. “A quick thinker, I see.”

“Yes,” Kylo Ren said without looking your way. He was observing the hired help. You were under the impression that Miovtha had completed previous missions for the First Order. “It would be safe to assume your target is identical in that respect.”

“He’d shoot her on sight,” Miovtha mused. A humorless chuckle. “Your warnings are taken into consideration. It won’t trace back to you.” Perhaps, you thought, your nameless ally wasn’t on this particular planet. No, he was likely in more friendly territory, yet not completely out of the woods. “I have a sedative on the ship. In the meantime, you said—“

Kylo Ren turned to you. “You will board Miovtha’s ship, restrain yourself there, and obey.”

“I will board Miovtha’s ship, retrain myself there, and obey.” The bounty hunter sucked in air, giving off a low whistle that was distorted by her helmet.

The next thing you could recall—heat. A searing heat that centered near your hip, yet it was not penetrating you. You blinked, peering through the red tinted light that licked at the surrounding darkness. Miovtha was standing a foot away, visible in only your peripheral. She was not the source of the red light, nor the one holding the gun to your head. The shaking gun, which clattered uselessly to the ground. You stared with wide eyes at the man standing before you, the man who was trembling—you could _smell_ his innards burning. Unlike when he had cut into you, Kylo Ren did not turn off the blade of his lightsaber. He would not repeat his mistake; he kept the plasma blade inside so that your ally’s organs were burned and liquidated.

You jerked a step backwards, your body colliding into Ren’s. Your captor did not react in the least. That visor of his was glued to your ally’s face, which displayed both surprise and pain. The red glow vanished in an instant. Miovtha was tense, even as the other Resistance LDS crumpled to the ground—dead. It was only then that your mind registered the blaster bolt that was inches to your left. It would have hit you. Miovtha would have failed at her job—had failed at her job, you realized when Kylo Ren’s hand shot out at the bounty hunter clutched at the invisible limb choking her.

“Had I failed to follow you, our prisoner would have been killed. A great failure.” He jerked his hand, and you could hear the snap of her neck. You were shoved forward a few steps. The bolt of blaster fire shot past, hitting a boulder. Kylo Ren placed a hand on your upper arm and held tightly onto you. “Tooke…” You were trembling uncontrollably. Your mind was attempting to process how much time had transpired, was trying to deal with the deaths you had just witnessed. Was trying to process the fact that Kylo Ren had saved your life.

You wrapped your arms around your stomach, gagging and hunching over. Kylo Ren allowed this, though he noisily huffed. Your gaze traveled over to the corpse of the Resistance member. You still could not remember exactly how you had wound up there—or where there was. Which planet were you on, you wondered as you coughed up some saliva, spitting the wad of it onto the ground in front of you. The scent of burning flesh lingered in the air. It was worse than when you had been stabbed. A bloodless yet still gory death.

“How did I get here?” you asked in a whisper.

Perhaps it was the fact that you were not struggling, were not raising your voice, and you were not doing anything that would result in him being forced to incapacitate you that he readily answered your inquiry. “The bounty hunter kept you sedated. She was forced to contact the First Order when she nearly killed you with an overdose. I was to leave once it was determined you would survive. Yet that carelessness of the bounty hunter…” A dry, humorless laugh.

“So you were using me as… You’ve been mind-tricking me… How long?”

“A week, tooke. It’s taken a week.” Your eyes traveled to the remnants of the boulder. “He fired first…gave away his position. Miovtha failed. The moment he saw me, he came forward. Knew he would die. Hoped to take out both you and me in the process. A foolish endeavor.”

“I feel sick.”

“A side effect of the overdose. Your system is not the same after being impaled by the lightsaber.” Both you and he looked to the deceased LDS. “The politician reported that you are alive to the Resistance.”

“That’s why you did the exchange there…your suspicions of his loyalties are confirmed.” You tensed once more, gritting your teeth and clutching at various portions of your body. You curled up and released a scream of pain. Kylo Ren stepped closer to you, genuflecting and watching you before scooping you up into his arms. You did not protest in the least as he carried you. You were much too busy feeling as though your insides were burning. Pressure in your abdomen. Your hands scrambling to find purchase until they were pinned against your upper stomach with the Force. You couldn’t move them anymore. Whimpering, you squinted at him. “This is Resistance territory…”

“No.” Your toes curled then uncurled in your shoes repeatedly. “General Hux has already ordered a physician to be at hand. It won’t due to have you go into complete organ failure.”

The moment Kylo Ren reached a shuttle with you, you were set on a stretcher. Your screams had increased in volume. An IV was started. Your chest was heaving with every breath you took. “You fucker…you’re not… You’re not taking me off the planet… You fuckers! You’re…you’re luring…your target here.” You were screaming between the majority of your words, or else taking breaks so that you could draw in much needed air.

Kylo Ren stared down at you while the physician set to work, bringing over a portable scanner. The Force user ducked further into the ship, out of sight. You wanted to scream a warning—the target was moving closer if Ren was going into hiding. The Resistance would either want to rescue or kill you in order to keep the First Order from gaining even more information from you. From preventing the First Order from further using you. You opened your mouth to scream once more, and a gag was shoved in. You snarled, your body spasming as another wave of pain coursed through you. The physician was speaking to his assistant.

“Commander,” he said, dropping his voice so that the target could not overhear. “We can keep her stable for the time being, however…we need to return to the _Finalizer_ as soon as possible. Her system is compromised. The bounty hunter was too reckless.” You could feel your heart racing, adrenaline pumping through your veins. “Commander?”

Blackness was all you knew.

You awoke to the sound of beeping. A heart monitor, your mind supplied. Your eyes darted around. An IV drip. Medbay. General Hux sitting in a chair by your bed, typing away on his datapad though his gaze drifted to you every now and again. “You would be proud—our target became wary upon hearing your screams.”

“Ren still killed him,” you said, your voice distorted by the mask that was over your mouth and nose. His lips curled into a cruel smile. “Miovtha was always… The LDS was a means to get Miovtha…who can be used to…pin the blame… Ren didn’t use the lightsaber. Not to kill Miovtha…not to kill the senator.” You had to take several moments to breathe. “Ashes?”

“His collection has grown, yes,” General Hux stated. The redhead watched as you weakly patted your stomach. “Surgery wasn’t necessary. You were placed into a bacta tank. Your system is still weaker than before you were injured by Ren’s blade.”

“Where is he?”

“Away.” You stared at him. The man pushed himself up off the chair, his datapad always where he could look at it, and walked closer to your bed. “Supreme Leader has given him a mission. You’re currently my responsibility.”

You had suspected this; why else would he be at your bedside? It was not as though the two of you were friends. A prisoner. The General of the First Order. It would have made more sense for you to be in shackles. Yet, for some strange reason, Snoke still had plans for you…plans that involved his apprentice. Perhaps the success of using you as bait contributed much to it as well.

General Hux at last set aside his datapad. He set it out of view, and focused on you. “Ren was foolish—not insisting that the doctors place you into a bacta tank the moment he decided to keep you alive.”

“I died…didn’t I?”

“For nearly three minutes. Ren insisted they continued to work to revive you. Given that he killed one of the physicians, it is not surprising they agreed. It was after you were stabilized enough that you were placed into the bacta tank.” There was a pregnant pause, during which time he touched the side of your face with one of his gloved hands. The leather was similar to Kylo Ren’s, yet the amount of pressure was different. “You’ve lost so much time recently. Nearly six weeks since Miovtha first took possession of you.” You allowed your eyelids to descend. “Tooka.” At the sound of the nickname, you reopened your eyes and stared up at him. His thumb was directly under your bottom lip. You doubted it was pity he felt; rather, his disproval of the Force shined through. What it could do—what it _had_ been able to do to you. He was an ambitious man, you well knew. Obeying Snoke because he was powerless, currently, to rise above the man. “You’re starting to despise it—the Force.”

Your chin trembled as your bottom lip quivered. The Force was not characteristically evil, though neither was it good. So much of your freewill had been stolen by use of the Force. Time you could never get back. Experiences you were forced to endure. You did; you were starting to _loathe_ the Force. Though you tried to ensure your anger and hatred did not blind you, you found yourself slowly giving in to it. If only there was some way to eliminate the Force; or at least ensure that individuals could not use it against you. You had heard of the ysalamir, and yet you had never seen one in person. Would such a creature be able to protect you against Ren? Given his ability with his lightsaber, the fact that he could fight well without the Force, you were doubtful.

General Hux patted your cheek, not quite affectionately. He was treating you as he viewed you, his pawn. You turned your face away from him and slowly breathed in the oxygen that was being fed to you through the mask. “You changed your surname when you joined the Resistance.” Your gaze jerked back to his face, to the smirk that was plastered there. “Your father was the one to raise you, because your mother was too busy with other affairs… One of Mon Mothma’s contacts with Naboo.” You could hear your heart racing in your ears, could hear the monitor connected to you alerting General Hux to the alteration in your pulse. “I suspected as much. The fact that the senator was lured into the trap despite the known dangers…” He said your last name—your _real_ last name, which had not been uttered in your presence for years. “Your current fear of the Force is nothing, tooka. What sort of scandal would occur, should it be discovered you aligned yourself with the Centrists—with the First Order?”

“I haven’t!” you spat out. The redhead chuckled dryly. You squeezed your eyes closed, remembering his words from moments ago. _Current_ fear. Meaning you would be manipulated all the more by it should you not willingly obey. No; never willingly.

“Six weeks, tooka, since you were spotted with _me_. Alive. Healthy. Not quite fighting me.”

“A small step in your larger plans,” you growled, wishing you _had_ fought, had displayed the black eyes you had sported at that time. “You bastard.”

“Your limited knowledge of politics was used against you—you can only blame yourself for _choosing_ to remain oblivious.” He was correct in that, which only fueled your anger. You were helpless against the Force, yet you had also proved to be helpless against less mystical obstacles. “You won’t be able to fight this, tooka.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” you hissed. “So long as I’m alive, I won’t give in to the First Order. I will fight you until my last breath.” Which was almost ironic, how you were nearly gasping for air, so out of breath at the mere effort talking took.

“Respectable sentiments, but foolish and false,” Hux drawled, once more setting a hand against the side of your face. He was cupping your cheek, keeping you to where the two of you could look one another in the eye. “Ren has been reckless with you. You should already be aware that I won’t make the same mistakes.” General Hux took away his hand, lifted up his datapad, and returned to the chair he had previously occupied. Once more he was scrolling through reports. Doing his duty whilst keeping an eye on you.

You turned your attention upwards, staring at the ceiling.

_Your mother had not wanted you to join the Resistance. Your father had been of mixed feelings at the idea of you fighting alongside the other members of the Resistance. There was doubt over whether or not the First Order held as much power as Senator Leia Organa stated. Without the blessing of your parents, you had snuck out in the middle of the night. Changed your last name, yet Leia had known who you were that first time you had met her. It was one of the reasons she had made a point to personally thank you for joining the Resistance, for putting your life even more on the line by joining the splinter cell. You doubted she had known one of their objectives, that they desired the death of her son—not that many knew the true identity of Kylo Ren, you surely had not._

_It had been impossible for you to hide the fact that you were from Naboo. Certain mannerisms shined through, yet no one connected you with your parents. You were more thankful that you had changed your surname. The last thing you wanted was to tarnish their reputation, especially when your mother was working so hard to make the galaxy a better place. The two of you may have been taking different routes, however your mother and you were both working towards the same goal._

“When did you start to suspect who I was?” you asked when the redhead was next hovering over your bedside.

“Do you not recall that I commented once on your manners? The fact that you choose your words carefully. For one not so well-versed in politics, I had my suspicions that there would be history there. Not the extent that I discovered…and yet it added up. The daughter missing. Your age. Again, the senator coming back for you as he did was the final bit of confirmation needed. That you blocked Kylo Ren from dragging this information out of you is impressive. You resist us, tooka, but ultimately you have failed each time to keep the First Order from accomplishing its goal. Futile efforts—wasting both your time and ours. If you do not begin cooperating, your freewill shall be taken away from you entirely. A mindless puppet suits my needs just as well.”

You had lost so many moments of your life to the Force already. Yet you could not say for certain whether this would be preferable to you obeying the whims of the First Order or not.

“I won’t lose to you,” you whispered at last. General Hux’s lips spread, a grim smile haunting your vision.

~

There was always something almost regal about him, the way General Hux wore his greatcoat. His posture was one of a man with confidence. Your mother, whenever she had been attired for political events, held herself in much the same way. Your father could carry himself in a similar manner when the situation called for it. And you, too, had learned how a lady was to carry herself when dressed in the more formal attire Naboo offered its political figures. Thus you held your chin high as you stood beside your enemy. How long had it been since last you had donned such clothing? Never before had you been forced to endure having your enemy be your escort—to be reliant upon such a person to ensure that your sense of balance did not fail you. You had recovered quite a bit in medbay, however you were still not of the best health.

The First Order stormtroopers, officers and technicians stared when you walked past them. Some failed to properly greet their general, who at the time did not appear to care much. His gaze traveled to you more than a single time. You knew he was observing you for more reasons than your current appearance. Doubtless, the man was gauging your reaction to the fact that he was leading you to the chamber in which Supreme Leader Snoke would see you. It seemed the man—was he a man, you wondered passively—was as pleased as General Hux when it came to the discovery of your true identity. A girl who had known Mon Mothma since childhood, whose mother had worked so closely with her.

Your every step could be heard via the click of your heels. This paused only while you and the ginger-haired man waited for the door to the chamber to open. Immediately your gaze was on the large figure, the hologram of the man that was, it seemed, behind the screens. His apprentice was standing before him, his back to you. Your eyes shifted briefly to Kylo Ren, whose cowl was pulled over his head. The Master of the Knights of Ren remained still, looking at you only once you were at his side. General Hux, meanwhile, stood on your other side. You were essentially squeezed between the two of them.

With how tall the hologram was, you were forced to tilt your head back. You were consoled with the fact that this rang true for both General Hux and Kylo Ren as well. Snoke said your name—your real name, in full—and you felt your fingers curling towards your palms, fists forming. Though he kept his expression passive, you knew he was pleased with everything that was occurring. “A mere fluke, and you’ve found yourself in our grasp. Willing or not, you have become a pawn.” Willing or not. That was what it came down to. You choosing whether you would follow their script, or else succumbing to Kylo Ren’s mind tricks and becoming a thoughtless puppet. No matter what, in the end, you would be forced to betray the Resistance. “A single chance to make your choice.”

 _This is the tyranny that will occur should they win,_ you thought bitterly. _The death of all freewill._

You well knew the reason behind Kylo Ren’s presence; he was there to read your mind. To know the truth to your words. If you said that you would obey, your mind would be invaded. If you refused, your mind would be essentially eliminated. Not completely though. You were still Ren’s _fix_. You lifted your chin higher, staring up into the face of the hologram.

“What does it entail—being a willing puppet for you?” You were not rude when you spoke; you were no fool. This fact, coupled with the fear you felt towards a man with so much power, kept you in check. “You clearly don’t plan on simply ruling the galaxy. That would entail one could speak their mind, even if their words contradicted your rule. Enslavement is more accurate. So, what is it I would be forced to say, to do, that goes against everything I believe in. What does it entail?”

On either side of you, both General Hux and Kylo Ren’s heads had whipped in your direction. Supreme Leader Snoke drummed his fingers against the edge of his armrest. “Renounce the Republic and recognize the futility of humoring the Resistance. Two simple tasks.” It wasn’t so simple, you thought bitterly. Given who your mother was, it would likely be desired of you to actively speak out against the Resistance. Against everything you believed in. You at last lowered your gaze from the hologram and pinched together your lips. “Very well.” If anything, the holographic man seemed to relax _more_ after your decision had been reached. “The senator whom her mother now serves under—he has been informed that _she_ still lives.”

“Yes,” General Hux said, his rigid posture one of subservience. You knew, after spending time with him, that he likely despised having to answer to another. “All visible contact indicates that she is being treated well for a prisoner. They are beside themselves, although still reluctant to consider the true powers of the First Order.”

“Their misconception should be maintained. Master Ren, accompany her along with General Hux closer to the Hosnian System. Eliminate any rising suspicions. The First Order will retain its innocuous façade for longer still.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” You grit your teeth together, feeling a pressure so tight it felt painful. Your jaw would ache if you continued to clench it, however you found that you could not help but do so.

The hologram flickered a few times before disappearing entirely. The darkness of the room was suddenly more invasive. As though the light had escaped from your life along with your freewill. The moment you reached whatever planet they intended to visit, it would be similar to what had occurred with Miovtha. You would remember nothing, all for the sake of the First Order continuing to seem innocuous in the eyes of the New Republic. Your nostrils flared with your next breath, and you raised your chin. General Hux had turned on his heel, taken a single step, and then paused.

He eyed you with that calculating gaze of his. Kylo Ren, too, shifted and observed you. General Hux drawled that the shuttle would be ready within the hour. You watched him walking away, your hands still in fists at your sides. You knew you would be returning with Kylo Ren to his quarters for the interim. The man was directly behind you the entire way. _So strange,_ you thought while walking. It had been nearly eight weeks since he had sent you away with Miovtha.

“Are you fond of politics?” you asked. You dared not address him by name; the urge to refer to him as creature once more had arisen. You had _died_ on the table when they were treating you. An overdose that left your already-weakened system so unstable. All because of a lightsaber wound from Kylo Ren. And he hadn’t had the decency to allow you to remain dead. No, he had instead murdered one of the physicians. For three minutes that you could not remember, you had died. Three minutes of freedom—and now this. “Hmm?”

The door to his quarters opened. Kylo Ren pressed forward even when you paused, which forced you to enter the room. You tapped your fingers along the sides of your dress. “Lie on your stomach on the bed.” You shook your head, starting to turn to protest. His hand shot up, and when he spoke next it was with a calmness. “Bend over the edge of the bed.” You mindlessly obeyed him. Kylo Ren strode over to the bed behind you, his hand on your ass. Feeling you through the layers of your clothes.

Becoming aware of yourself again, you snarled and bunched the blanket in your fists. You rested your forehead on the bed, waiting. The shifting of clothing. Your dress being hiked over your hips, your panties drawn aside. The head of his cock teased your outer lips. Perhaps it was due to the limited amount of time that had him easing himself inside of you without much preparation. You pursed your lips, exhaling and then holding your breath until he was fully inside you. Kylo Ren sighed, content. He started to withdraw then pressed back into you. Slowly at first. Teasing. As you felt your inner walls caressed by his cock, you began to slick around him.

“Good girl, tooke,” he purred, reaching underneath you and started to stroke your clit. “You’re so tight. Fuck.” Your jaw dropped as he released a growl. There was something so animalistic in the way he was fucking you, his hips roughly meeting yours. You pressed back into him. “Does that feel good?”

 _No!_ you wanted to scream. But it did. “Shit!” Kylo Ren laughed at your expense, all the while running the seams of his glove along you. Your labia. Your clit. His hand shifting to cup your entire pussy, two fingers spreading your outer lips further. It sounded so wet when he touched you. “Nnn…ho! Fuck!” He found the spot inside of you that turned you into a trembling mess.

“This outfit…” The hand on your hip balled up some of the material. You did not care if it ripped or not; you pressed your ass against him, making yourself clench. Ren swore, growling again. “You hate it.”

“The Force?” you asked, almost breathlessly. It took you a few gulps of air before you could speak again. Kylo was unrelenting, thrusting in and out of your core. “Mmm…oh!” Your eyelids fluttered. “I… I hate what it does. You… You control me!”

“I hardly need the Force to do that, tooke.” As though emphasizing this, he pressed the heel of his hand against you, rocking it hard into you. You were a whimpering mess. You had forgotten how this felt, to be so filled. It reminded you of the times when your only way to fight him was to fuck him. To draw blood as you let him have his way with you. He cursed as he came inside of you. The man did not stop rocking into you until he was satisfied. His movements on your clit were slow; enough to keep you aroused, on the edge, but not enough to make you cum.

Kylo Ren pulled back with both his body and hand. You snarled, your expression softening a moment later upon hearing the familiar hissing of his helmet being removed. Movement. Warm air on your cunt followed by his tongue. You reached behind yourself to hold your dress up and out of his way. He moaned appreciatively, mouthing your pussy and then kissing up the back of your thigh. To your ass, which he nipped. Your mouth formed a small _o_. His hand were on either of your ass cheeks, his thumbs spreading them. The moment you felt his tongue swirling on your anus, you gasped—then squeaked.

“That’s—“

“Quiet,” he whispered, still calm. And thus you were incapable of uttering out _gross_. Your breath came in soft gasps with every lick. He shifted down. The tip of his tongue prodded you, shifting into you. The noises he made, wet sucking and a low, growling purr, brought your mind back into reality. You inwardly cursed the Force for what seemed like the millionth time. Yet did not protest, finding a strange pleasure building within you as he tongue-fucked you. Kylo Ren lapped at you, kissing upwards and then moving back to your pussy. He slurped your juices into his mouth. “You taste good, tooke. I’ll never tire of this.”

You bit down on your bottom lip to keep from saying anything. He was tasting not just you but himself as well. Kylo Ren attacked your clitoris, sliding two fingers into you and fucking you. You felt blood pulsing in your ears, your heart hammering in your chest, as you spilled into his hand. He moved his hand faster, making you ride out your orgasm. Only when you were done did he swipe his tongue along you. He licked you clean before standing, his hands on top of yours, rolling your dress back down. You continued to straighten yourself whilst your captor moved into the refresher to clean himself.

Would the minute amount of empathy he felt for you—whatever had driven him to kill one of the physicians had been beyond pure lust—ever cause him to relent? You doubted that he would do so, not enough to where the orders of his Master were disobeyed. In satisfying him in a sexual sense, as you had now, though, he kept you close and you remained his fix. You remained in a position where you could seek to help the Resistance—at what cost _to_ the Resistance, you wondered when reminded of the way your mind would be taken from you.

You jumped, startled, when he returned; his deep voice filtered into your ears. “Your definition of politics, tooke, would have to be taken into consideration.”

“I suppose there are multiple aspects,” you conceded. “This…political…” You waved a hand in the air, searching for the right word. “The one-upmanship that does nothing other than waste time. The façades. Sitting on your hands, preaching and crying about doing something for the sake of appearances.”

“You’ve described the majority of the New Republic,” he said, his lips curling into a smile. You mentally chastised yourself for having phrased things as you did.

“The alternative proposed by the First Order…by your Snoke…those are worse.” Kylo Ren walked through the room at a leisurely pace, his eyes never leaving yours. “The New Republic is foolish…but can learn. I joined the Resistance because I believe in what… I believe in the ideology behind the New Republic. It’s young. Run by senators busy in a pissing contest. Senators who have already forgotten the war…the rebellion. Senators who are too young to remember firsthand such things.”

A glint of amusement shone in his eyes. “False hope, tooke.”

“Do you like this, Ren?” you asked, all the bitterness returning. “Not only did you _break_ me, but now… You’ll control my every action. A mindless puppet. Just what you want, isn’t it? A fuck toy.” His eyes drifted down the length of your body. As they swept upwards, he stepped over to where he had previously discarded his helmet. “Or will I have moments of clarity? Moments where I will be able to sit there and wonder what it is you made me do. Where I wonder how many deaths you’ve forced me to play a hand in.

“I had believed Hux was the one drunk on power, but now I see that you’re no better. You have a similar view—that you should rule over the weak. Or whom you deem weak. I am not afraid to die, Ren. But I won’t give up fighting. How many times have I said this? I won’t stop fighting you.”

A breathy snort. He extended an arm between the two of you, his palm directly in front of your face. You held your breath, waiting. And then he set the limb on his helmet, which he proceeded to replace on his head. You felt a fluttering in your stomach, a sort of acidic bubble that aroused in you an urge to vomit.

“You’re a monster,” you whispered. Rather than say anything in response, Kylo Ren stepped to the side and waved in the direction of the door. You walked forward. Knowing that you would have full control of yourself during the journey gave you no comfort.

Rather than board the Command Shuttle as you had believed would be occurring, you were led up the ramp of a more modest transport. General Hux was waiting inside, his datapad in hand while he spoke with the pilot. What had you baffled was the manner in which the redhead was dressed. Still formal, and yet less militarily. You slid onto the seat across from him. Kylo Ren lowered himself into the seat beside yours, waiting until you buckled yourself before latching together his own seatbelt.

The pilot transferred his attention to the controls. It was at this point that the redhead allowed himself a moment to meet your gaze. “What?” he snapped.

“Your _hair_ ,” you said. Indeed, his hair was not as orderly as he normally kept it. The man scowled. “You’ve done this before.” Now both Kylo Ren and General Hux were watching you with what you would consider to be either suspicion or confusion. “I saw you…the back of your head… That time when the… During an investigation… Damn it.”

“We are rather successful in our endeavors,” General Hux drawled, the man settling against the back of his seat. “Was this before or after you joined the Resistance?”

“During…when I was changing my name.”

“Ah, yes. I remember hearing how your mother was attempting to convince you to become an intern. Follow in her line of work. It was shortly thereafter that you disappeared. Originally it was stated that you were studying abroad…or else had been proposed to. Yet there you were foolishly deciding to align yourself with the Resistance. If it would not also bring to light the strength of the military, your crimes against the First Order would be more well known throughout the New Republic. The amount of individuals you have _killed_ , however, has not been divulged.”

“And how is it you will be having me act? Forcing me to attempt to assassinate someone—“

“That would render you useless to us from thereon. There would be a bounty on your head, which would be more trouble than it’s worth. As your mother’s daughter, however, contradicting her verbally—publicly—instills distrust. Why else would you, her daughter, object to some of her methods? She may not be a senator, however the individual she is working for… It’s wise to be careful whom you keep at your side.”

“You’re loathsome, General,” you said through your teeth.

“Mm. You won’t remember a thing, tooka. No memory of belittling your mother. No recollection of breaking her heart while simultaneously obliterating any value her words may have otherwise had.”

You lurched forward in your seat, your arms darting out in front you as you made to grab at him. He was out of reach, however, and the sudden Force pushing you back and pinning you to the seat eliminated whatever threat you would have otherwise posed. You slammed the back of your head against the wall.

“I will seem like an ungrateful _brat_ trying to embarrass my mother. People will pay no heed—“

“A single seed of doubt.” This time from Kylo Ren, that smooth voice washing over you, drowning out your protests. “How loud, the sound of discord.”

“The Resistance—“

“Cannot protect the New Republic from _you_ ,” General Hux stated, a pleased smirk plastered on his face. “Their only option would be to _kill_ you, and how badly that would look for them. What defense could they offer that they have not tried in the past? It would hurt their cause. I do not care to _intimidate_ the Resistance; I will _crush_ it.”

“You both wish to murder the very idea of hope… Repulsive creatures. Despicable monsters. You aren’t men. You’re tyrants.”

“You submit perfectly fine if it means your cunt is filled,” the redhead shot back. The pilot started to turn, however Kylo Ren made a gesture in the air, likely using the Force. “Were you not, less than an hour ago, being filled by one of the very”—a scoff then sneer—“ _monsters_? Willingly. I don’t doubt you begged for it.” You balled your hands into fists again, your entire lower jaw trembling. “You allowed me to fuck you as well.”

“That’s _low_ , General,” you hissed.

“Ah, such hypocrisy. That there should be an allowance for _you_ to attack _my_ character, to slander my motives and views; all the while I cannot do the same to yours.”

“Your motives lead to the deaths of thousands, the enslavement of countless others. Meanwhile I… Yes, I allowed you to fuck me. I’ve allowed Ren to fuck me. It’s never to submit to you. It’s….”

“Yes, tooka? It’s what?”

Kylo Ren was staring at you, that blasted visor pointed in your direction the same way General Hux’s eyes were glued to your face. The remainder of the crew were oblivious to the exchange happening between the three of you. For once you did not curse the Knight’s ability to use the Force. Which made you feel wretched, truly like a hypocrite. You took a moment to breathe. Simply breathe. And then you whispered:

“You know what it is, General.”

“I do. I would not have agreed to having you in my bed otherwise. Not submission, exactly; while at the same time a declaration of the power over you. The need to feel something _you_ had asked for. I was your only alternative. And for the continued sex, the physical nature of it is what appeals to you. A battle between his body and yours. An outlet for your emotions. I am not ruled by such things, tooka. Nor is Ren. Simply because you are powerless to stop us does not turn us into tyrants. By that very nature _you_ were a tyrant on the battlefield. Targeting and eliminating my officers. Those who could not defend themselves, who had no means to oppose you.

“You’re childish in your understanding of politics, this is true. You understand the theory of such things. In various aspects are you well versed. Yet it is always when you are spouting words and phrases taught to you by others. Do you truly understand their births? The sole reason they were first spoken, the motivations that had led to them being uttered? Your Resistance supports the New Republic, an entity that has done _nothing_ for this galaxy. Your Resistance says they will not be intimidated, and yet it is _precisely_ because General Organa feared the rising First Order—was intimidated by the idea of it—that she helped birth the organization. Bowing to the First Order—perhaps that is something the Resistance can claim that it won’t do. Even that, in time, will become a lie.”

“Eloquent as always, General.” You and the ginger both looked to Kylo Ren, who had transferred his gaze over to the other man. His tone allowed for there to exist an uncertainty as to whether he was being sarcastic or genuine. “Perhaps Supreme Leader should consider having _you_ speak to the Senate.”

Whether or not it was a compliment, General Hux pressed his lips into a thin line. “Perhaps _you_ should be more concerned with your handling of the girl. I doubt her system would be able to handle another death—she would not be revived.”

“She will have no time to harm herself. She would not…” Thoughtful. “She clings onto the hope that she can break free.” Kylo Ren looked at you. “You will not, tooke.”

You swore you could hear his voice in your head saying, _You’re mine._

Such a suffocating feeling; the thread of hope that remained inside of you. Kylo Ren could see it as clearly as anyone else. The thread coiled, threatening to give away. You wanted to surrender to it, to proclaim that hope would never be lost. And yet that thread of hope, coiled so tightly, knotted up inside your throat. Choking you until you swallowed down all thoughts.

_You are mine._

And why could it not have been hope saying such things to you? You had given away your freewill—a laughable statement; you had never been offered freewill by Snoke.

You raised your eyes to the ceiling.

“One day, I will.”

“We’ll see.” Soft, a challenge. Your lips parted and air puffed out of your lungs.

_The string I wound about my throat, it was made of threaded hope;  
I gazed out at all the possibilities, knowing that none of them were for me.  
And that hope tied about my throat—it held my life, this self-made rope;  
Though I would suffer miserably, I would live until I was free._


	19. NINETEEN

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Nineteen: Corrosive Sentiment :: Unsealed Fate

_You made me harm the ones I love,  
Then asked me why I hated you.  
Isn’t it obvious that what you did,  
Was the worst thing ever to do?_

You could not help but stare at both of your hands, namely at the two tattoos of your captor’s names. The moment the shuttle had landed on the planet, Kylo Ren had taken control over your every action. You could not remember anything that had occurred. And though both General Hux and Kylo Ren assured you that you were made only to quietly enter the hotel at which you were currently staying, you doubted this. Your mind was wandering over all worst-case scenarios. Whether someone had recognized you and you had been made to be rude to them. Or if you were already forced to badmouth your mother. You frowned deeply, despising the position you were in.

General Hux set a plate of food on a foldout tray that had previously been placed beside your bed. You eyed everything there. It did look tasty, and yet you found that you had no appetite. The redhead continued past you, his own plate of food still in his hand, and took a seat on the edge of his bed. He set his plate down on the mattress, picked up his datapad, and started to scroll through his messages. Your eyes wandered about his messy hair. He looked the part of a civilian in terms of attire, however his posture bespoke of his true upbringing.

Your attention then shifted to Kylo Ren. He was no longer wearing his helmet, and the man was busily nudging at his food with his fork. Inspecting it with a furrowed brow. Perhaps trying to discern whether or not he would like it before taking a bite. He at last stabbed the prongs of his fork into a piece, slipping the bite into his mouth a moment later.

While watching both Hux and Ren slowly eating their food, you reluctantly lifted up the first bite to your mouth and began to nibble. General Hux soon set aside his datapad and focused completely on consuming his food. Your mind was having a difficult time wrapping around the fact that these men were still your enemies. They were acting too…human. Tame. You popped a bite of bread into your mouth, chewing and narrowing your eyes whilst observing Ren. He finished his meal then rose from his seat. You dropped your gaze to your lap.

The Force user lifted up a bag of clothing prior to heading for the refresher. You had previously wondered how he would be disguised. His normal attire drew too much attention. Yet why he had to pick out clothing from Naboo, you were uncertain. You shook your head, inwardly cursing his choice. You did understand that the Naboo attire would match your own outfits quite well; it was the best way to prevent anyone from making a connection between Kylo Ren and the First Order. On that note, you wondered if he was going to assume another name for the time being. Or perhaps he would simply go by a title.

“Bored, tooka?” The man’s voice caused your attention to shift to him. You blinked at General Hux, shrugging your shoulders the next moment. “It was stated at the front desk that a holochess set is available should we wish to play at all.”

“I… I would like that,” you replied. Anything to help keep your mind off of what was really occurring on the planet. The fact that you were helpless to stop it, had no true freewill.

The ginger general nodded prior to pressing a button on the commlink in the room. He spoke briefly with the individual on the other line, informing them of the wish to have the holochess set delivered to the room, and then ended the connection. You sat quietly on the bed, your hands folded in your lap, and waited for the set to be delivered. In the meanwhile, Kylo Ren emerged from the refresher. Your breath caught. Eyes widening, you stared at him in surprise. He could have passed for a native of Naboo. Quickly averting your gaze to avoid memories of home, you looked instead at the redhead.

“Will you also be dressing in this manner?” you asked, gesturing down the length of your body with a hand. General Hux chuckled and informed you that no, he would not. You wound your arms around your midsection and pursed your lips. “I suppose the intention is for them to see _you_. As far as Ren is considered…that would give too intimidating a presence, his robes and mask.”

 _As it is, he’s dressed so…_ Your eyes darted to him then back to the redhead’s face. _He is descended from Naboo royalty…and here he is, making a mockery of our politics._

“You will not be made to contradict your mother’s views so early in our visit, tooke.” You released a noise that nearly caught in your throat. A groan of sorts; his words hardly lessened the frustration you were feeling. Kylo Ren walked over to the end of your bed. You stared at him, allowing yourself time to take in his appearance. The men your age wore such clothes. A number of the boys you had grown up with had started to dress in such a manner shortly before you had left Naboo to join the Resistance.

There was a knock on the door, which you suspected was the holochess being delivered. General Hux rose from the other bed, moving over to the door so that he could answer it. Before opening the room, he checked to see who was on the other side. While the redhead did these things, Kylo Ren climbed onto the bed with you. You lifted a hand, placing it on his chest when the man started to press his face towards yours. A frown tugged at his features.

“I don’t understand it…after seeing your Master. I don’t understand how you could possibly have been lured to the Dark side. How can you believe any of this—what you’re to do to me—is justice?”

“Tooke, there are many stages when it comes to paving the way for justice.”

“So, what? The ends justify the means?”

“How many have died fighting for the Resistance? How many have you killed—have your allies killed?” You lowered your hand back to your lap, and Kylo Ren rested his forehead against yours. “The choices may have been limited, but they were there.”

“I am being forced to hurt those I care for. What sort of choices are those?”

There was no answer to your question. General Hux set up the holochess set where you and he could play against one another. Ren, meanwhile, remained seated near you. You felt his gaze on you the majority of the time you played. This you were able to ignore. Playing against the General of the First Order reminded you much of the time you had spent in his personal quarters. The many conversations you had had with him. You wondered briefly how Millicent was doing, yet did not bring yourself to ask the question aloud.

“For a fast learner, you still have yet to master the fine art of holochess,” General Hux quipped when he defeated you. You huffed out a sigh, rolling your eyes the next moment. “Or perhaps you’re distracted?”

“I was…thinking of my father.”

“Your father,” he murmured, and there was something in his tone that drew your attention. You stared at him, however the man said nothing further. His lips were pinched together, yet from that you could discern nothing other than the fact that _fathers_ held something of significance for the man. Judging by the way Kylo Ren had frowned, you assumed it was the same for him.

You trailed a finger along the edge of the table upon which the chess set had been placed. “My father will be disappointed…when you force me to do…those things.”

“ _Those things_ ,” General Hux repeated, his lips quirking, nearly twitching into a sardonic smile. “Normally you are more eloquent, and yet now you are…hesitant for reasons I cannot fathom. As though we are ignorant to what _those things_ are.”

“Disrespecting my mother as you will have me do,” you hissed out. “Do you plan on having me attack her with more personal—“

“It is all political, tooka,” General Hux stated passively. He reset the board then gestured to it. “Another round?” You answered in the negative, moving away from the table. “Ren?” The Force user took the place you had previously occupied. “Your father did not allow you to be blinded by the veil of _peace_ the New Republic claimed to uphold, did he?”

“No,” you whispered. “Never. I did not understand it completely as a child. I sometimes believed it was only due to my mother’s political affiliations.”

“Mm… Was your father a fighter of the Rebellion then?”

“Not exactly.”

“A contact?”

“That would be…more accurate. Things changed once the revelation of General Organa’s parentage hit us. Even if some have forgiven her for keeping it a secret, they are not any less disenchanted. Not to mention the other incidents. The assassination… There have been many things.”

“You must be relieved that your mother herself is not a senator,” the redhead said, his eyes trained on Kylo Ren, as they had been ever since you had brought up the man’s mother.

“In certain respects she is in just as much danger.” You cocked your head to the side. “ _You’re_ targeting her after all.” That sardonic grin at last saw the light of day. “I don’t understand how anyone can be so spiteful.”

“Spite has nothing to do with it,” the ginger general said whilst taking out one of Ren’s pieces. “This is a part of politics. Perhaps you should have taken some lessons from your mother before wandering off to join the Resistance.”

“Disgusting.” He chortled at your words, and you balled your hands into fists. “The two of you get off on being insulted, don’t you?” Kylo Ren turned his head, smirking at you; no doubt he remembered well that time in the woods, the first time he had gotten hard, when he had forced your mouth on him and had nearly raped you. General Hux ran his tongue along his lips, his eyes darting to your lap. His words from earlier filtered into your brain: _You submit perfectly fine if it means your cunt is filled._ “You claim to not be ruled by sexual desires, and yet look at the both of you.”

“Don’t worry, tooka,” Hux said with a sneer, likely insulted by the implication of your words. “I prefer partners who don’t cry.”

“That’s a low blow,” you growled out.

“I don’t believe in holding back my punches,” he said, tilting his head back and staring down his nose at you. “Are you saying you cannot handle it?”

“Oh, I can handle it _just fine_ ,” you hissed, pushing off the bed and marching away from him and towards the refresher. “And, by the way, I am _not_ running away! I have to pee!”

“Very well. It is always pleasant being kept up to date with your bodily functions.”

“And here I thought _Ren_ was the snarky little shit,” you shot back, slamming the door and marching over to the toilet. You ran a hand through your hair as you urinated, swearing under your breath. In certain respects, you quite enjoyed bickering with the general. It felt almost normal, arguing with someone. With them being out of uniform, it furthered the illusion that you were not with the enemy. Not that you ever forgot, not completely.

After you finished using the toilet, you started to wash your hands. You raised your eyes to the mirror, taking in your reflection. How _regal_ you looked, you thought with a sneer. Compared to the clothing you had been given ever since your capture, you appeared equivalent to a queen. Perhaps even an empress.

Your mind returned to the manner in which Kylo Ren was dressed. There was a clenching in your stomach that you could identify solely as homesickness. You placed your hand atop your belly. All the while your eyes were glued to your reflection. You were imagining those of your homeworld, the boys you had grown with, standing at your side. Wearing clothing identical to Ren’s. How sickening it would be, if he were to stand there with them. Acting as though he were a docile creature rather than a monster of the battlefield. Likewise, you were no different. Perhaps not quite as terrible, and yet—you could not help but acknowledge your own cruel actions, no matter how necessary you found them.

Your lips in a thin line of distaste, you exited the refresher. Kylo Ren and General Hux were engaged in their holochess match. Both were more calculating with one another than they were with others. It bespoke of their close working relationship, of their deviousness and skill. And how harmless they nearly appeared, their outward appearances giving them the exact façade they worked so hard at putting on.

“How long will I be kept here?”

“As long as necessary—you needn’t waste your time with foolish questions,” the redhead drawled. He straightened from his former hunched posture and rested his left forearm on his thigh. “What is the real question your mind is currently preoccupied with?”

“How long before you put me in the position where I remember _nothing_ of the remainder of this…visit.” This time it was Kylo Ren who adjusted his posture. The taller of the two men did not turn his gaze to you; those brown orbs were glued to the pieces on the board. “It’s soon, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” You stared at the back of his head. One thing was for certain; Kylo Ren had never held his punches with you either. “Tomorrow morning…after breakfast.”

You shook your head. “It would be better if you did it now.”

“Obstinate tooke.” You ground your teeth together. In truth, this situation, to you, was worse than being chained and muzzled. At least with the other, you had a chance at defying them in some manner. Here? Like this? Your only option was to attempt them harm before your freewill was fully stolen. Kylo Ren waved his hand in an arc. “Climb on the bed with me.”

You crawled onto the bed, sliding your legs forward until you were behind him, at which point you wrapped your arms around him from behind and rested your forehead along his spine. You flinched when your mind was once more your own. A pressure grew in your throat, the urge to scream in frustration and outrage. You unwound your arms from him, straightening yourself to find that General Hux was watching you. His expression was completely unreadable. You pulled at the edges of your sleeves, setting the silk-like material against your face. A sob wracked your body. You despised that tears were welling up in your eyes.

You knew why he had done it; your eye had caught on a number of items within the room that you could use in an attempt to harm them. To kill them.

 _Should I die, they cannot use me,_ you thought. _Should I die, I will never escape._

You crawled up the length of the bed, set your hands upon the pillows, and splayed open your fingers. Those damned tattoos. You scrunched up your face and glared at the two marked digits. A dead man was no threat to you, and so you ignored the finger that held the name _Ben Solo_. The one marked _Kylo Ren_ , on the other hand, you lifted and slipped into your mouth. Just as your teeth were descending upon the finger, Kylo Ren whipped around and lunged for you.

His body hit into yours, knocking you forward, and yet you refused to relinquish the digit. You sunk your teeth into it. Flinching, you forced yourself to press on, drawing blood. Kylo Ren seized your wrist, holding so tightly that you screamed, and wrenched your hand out of your mouth. He pinned you down on the bed, your hand up high and out of reach of your teeth. You curled your tongue within your mouth, spitting in his face. The man hardly reacted, his pupils full blown as he stared down at you. You clawed at his wrist with your free hand. Thrashing underneath him, you bucked up your hips in an attempt to throw him off of you. The man continued to straddle you without issue.

In your peripheral, you noticed that General Hux had stood from the other bed. His hand met your ankle, which caused you to tense up further underneath Ren. “Do it, Ren. It’s necessary.” The dark-haired man scowled, an expression that matched your own.

You stared up into the man’s face. That mask of Kylo Ren. How deeply was it that Ben Solo had been buried? Six feet under, perhaps, or more. Nearly unreachable. “It’s a terrible lie, what you marked on me. I’m not yours, other than being your prisoner.”

“You fight such pointless battles, tooke.” He lowered his face closer to yours; Kylo Ren had yet to wipe away the spit, and your eyes were glued to that spot. “You made your choice. So many choices, tooke, and they led you here. Do you truly believe you could survive away from me?”

“What?” you croaked weakly. “What the fuck…what are you even asking? I’m meant to _kill_ you. That’s my mission. It will always be my mission. Prevent the First Order from achieving their goals…you’re standing in my way. And maybe I do pity you, Ren. And perhaps at this moment in time, you are in a position above me. But I am _not_ yours, and I will find the strength to fulfill my mission no matter what. At the expense of my own life—you’re right; that was my choice. That still _is_ my choice.

“The things you will force me to do: I despise you for it all. What anger had ebbed away, it’s coming back. I _hate_ you so deeply. I pity you so thoroughly. A part of me will miss you once you are brought down. But I can accept that. I can accept that far more than I could ever fathom watching the First Order seize control. You did break me, Ren. You broke me…but I am mending. And when this is all done, I’ll make you sorry that you did not allow me to die—when your saber pierced me, and when my system could not handle the overdose. If I die a third time, that will be your only reprieve.”

“Such bold words, tooke.” With the hand that was not holding tight on your wrist, Kylo Ren cupped your jaw, holding you in place, though you thrashed against him, as he covered your mouth with his. His lips still against yours, he spoke: “You live for me. In this way, I will always own you.”

“Enough games, _Ren_ ,” the redhead spat. Kylo Ren exhaled deeply, shifted his hand, and spoke softly to you.

_Your mother spoke your name with a hint of ire. You paused midstep, refusing to look over your shoulder at her. Refusing to turn around to face her. “You could do so much more good if only you listened. Become an intern… War is not the answer. The Resistance…perhaps they claim to have good intentions, however… This is a time of peace. The recent events have already shaken the foundation of the Galactic Senate. Don’t worsen things.”_

_“Mother, I…” Many thoughts flashed through your head in that moment. You had already changed your name, had the paperwork to prove it. She did not know this. Was unaware that you had been in contact with the Resistance, that you had been accepted. “I don’t want to do anything to hurt you. That isn’t what this is about. There is so little… Nearly nothing I can do to help…becoming an intern…what help can I provide? That is not a position wherein I can uphold the peace. I won’t do anything to hurt you, mother.”_

_“Then your mind is already set.”_

_“I’m…not sorry. I do feel bad if you’re upset, but… I’m not sorry that I’m doing this.”_

_“Come here.” This time you did turn around, and found yourself being pulled into a tight embrace. You lifted your arms, encircling her as well and squeezing your eyes closed. “This isn’t the life I want for you. The war was fought, the Empire taken down…so that you, your generation, wouldn’t have to do this. There are other ways.”_

_“Sometimes there aren’t.”_

You were breathing heavily, a weight upon you. A shifting weight, you noted. Something moving against you, _inside_ of you. As the fog slowly lifted from your mind, you stared up into the face of the man who was watching you. Kylo Ren did not stop thrusting in and out of you, nor did he alter his pace, yet he did whisper your name as though he was acknowledging that you were present in all senses. You balled your hands up into fists against the sheets. Turning your head, you allowed him to fuck you without protest. How many times had he done this, you wondered; had his way with you while you had no control over yourself. Perhaps he transformed you into an active participant. He readjusted his angle at last, brushing against your clit with every minor shift of his body. In little time, you were panting again. Arching your back as the tears gathered in your eyes, as they spilled down the sides of your face and onto the pillow below.

“I’m some body to you.” You lifted your head, looking down between your bodies. “No longer somebody.” He grunted above you, the noise escaping him due to his actions rather than your words. “Where is the general?”

“We’re on the ship, tooke.” You sniffled, shook your head, and managed a hoarse _No_. “You served your purpose well.” A more strained _NO!_ and your hands were on his chest, your nails raking dow—there were rubber tips on them, which connected to a binding on your wrists. You ran your tongue along your teeth. Caps. How you had missed these facts, you were uncertain. Above you, Kylo Ren sighed again. “You will be taught how to behave in my absence.” He then swore, his cum filling you.

“You made me tear her down… How she must have looked on me with such _hate_. I will never behave, creature.”

“Back to that again.” Kylo Ren pulled out of you and dropped his hand between your legs. He used both your juices and his semen, smearing them against your clit and rubbing you. Your body responded to his touch, the treacherous thing it was. “You should give up hope. The map to Skywalker…we’ve located it. And once it is obtained, your Resistance will have nothing left to hope for.” You despised him all the more for making you cum to such words.

“You can’t destroy hope no matter how much you try!” you screamed, jerking your legs closed and rolling onto your side away from him. There was a collar on your neck, a chain attaching you to the bed. “You treat me like an animal. A _beast_. You sick fuck. How many times are you going to ruin me?” His hand met the small of your back, his lips on the back of your shoulder. “I don’t want to miss you this time.” His hand slid up the length of your body, down your arm, and rested atop your hand. “Just a fix for you… I want _you_ to break, Kylo Ren. I don’t want to fix you.”

“I care nothing for your wishes.”

“A disgusting lie. I wish it were true. Does it hurt you as much as it hurts me?” You met his eye. “It’s corrosive, this thing that’s between us.”

“You’ll break first, tooke.”

“I’ll do my damnedest to not.” His mouth twitched at the sides, his lips curling upwards in a smile that caused you to tremble. “You won’t get to Skywalker. I believe Fate won’t allow that. The galaxy has had enough of tyrannical ways. You will lose, Ren.”

“We’ll see, tooke.”

Bound against the bed, you watched as Kylo Ren slipped into a shroud of darkness. His clothing swallowing him up. When he put on his mask, you turned your eyes up to the ceiling. You wondered how thoroughly he had destroyed your mother through you. And now the map to Skywalker… _The galaxy won’t allow it. Force, please._ You hesitated at that thought then pressed forward with it. _Force, don’t let him. There has to be something greater planned. Let someone—anyone—stop him._

_Though you did not see her often—perhaps because you did not see her often—you cherished the moments you would lie on the ground with your mother and stare at the sky. Such a vast thing, the sky. “It was all worth it,” your mother said. “Because _you’re_ free to choose your own fate now.”_


	20. TWENTY

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Twenty: What Monsters Fear

_How easy it is to hurt yourself when you’re just a body with no worth._

General Hux walked boldly into the room, which struck you as odd given that you could not recall him having previously entered Kylo Ren’s quarters. More specifically, when the man was not present. You eyed him from your position on the bed. Your legs were crossed, your bladder burning with the urge to urinate, and you had long ago accepted that eventually you would wet the bed like a child having a night terror. The cup, which held some sort of steaming liquid, captured your attention as much as the man himself. He set this upon the bedside table and reached for the chain where it was affixed to the bed. You watched him slide the key into place.

The moment it was unlatched, you went against your instincts to attack your enemy in favor of darting to the refresher. The redhead did nothing to deter you; the man likely knew of your current state. When you had relieved yourself, you washed your hands and returned to the room. General Hux gestured to the cup on the table. You walked over to it, and found that within there was your favorite flavor of cocoa. That he had remembered from when Kylo Ren had ordered it for you, that hit you hard. You swallowed thickly and placed a hand against the side of your face.

Dropping your arm once more, you reached for the drink and brought the rim of the cup to your lips. You blew lightly, sending the trail of steam in a different direction. Instead of drinking the liquid, you inhaled the scent of it. “This isn’t a gesture of mercy—I don’t expect that from you.”

“As you shouldn’t,” he retorted whilst taking a step forward, towards you.

“An apology? Whatever for?”

“You are quite observant, tooka.” He sighed prior to answering your inquiry. “I value my word, and I had told you that things would be solely political in the matter with your mother.”

“So…it did become personal?” A noise of affirmation from him. You at last allowed some of the hot liquid to travel past your lips. It was not, thankfully, at a temperature that would have burnt your tongue. It warmed your body on that first sip, the drink having a sort of calming effect that you appreciated in light of things. Your respect of the man grew at this display of self-accountability. “I don’t remember any of it. And I do not know if that is more painful, or some sort of sick blessing.”

For his part, General Hux said nothing. There were no false words of comfort, nor any outward gloating over the success of their plans. You placed the cup once more on the bedside table, turned to him, and stared at his countenance. A smile tugged at your lips, and after a moment you found that you could not keep back the single, bitter laugh. His nostrils flared at the sound of it, his lips twitching as he fought back a scowl. You trailed a hand along your naked side, tilting your head back at an angle.

“You treat me as though I am not bare before you. It’s… I don’t know how to react to it. I’m more accustomed to being objectified by now.” You narrowed your eyes then, your heart hiccupping in your chest. “Do you pity me, General?” His cold gaze fixed on your eyes, the man said nothing. “You watched the way he treated me. Using that power against me. It isn’t always like that, and yet…”

“Ren has not the maturity to deal with emotions,” the man shot. “His…yours… He rules with fear—solely. Perhaps there are a few who follow him out of respect, however…” General Hux had at last closed the distance between the two of you. He lifted a single hand, cupping your chin with a grip that was a mix of authority and reluctant tenderness. It, sickeningly, thrilled you that he might strike you at any moment out of spite. “There are pawns in this galaxy, tooka. Replaceable. Weak-minded. There are those who endured less than you have—and how I want to break you, my enemy. _I_ want to break you.” His mouth was harsh against yours when his lips crashed down upon yours. You whimpered, your teeth digging into the flesh of your lip before he worked open your mouth with his tongue. That organ filled your orifice, exploring and dominating you.

It was different than when Kylo Ren kissed you. General Hux hid nothing; his distaste for you mingling with the respect he had allowed to grow. Your hand met his when you reached for the front of his pants. Maybe, you thought in the back of your mind, you would at last become expendable if he had his fill of you. He lifted his limb to instead undo his belt, all the while you tugged down the zipper and pulled open the button. You then wrapped your arms around his neck, lifting your body and winding your legs about his hips. The redhead lined himself up with your entrance, pushing inside of you with a hiss of breath that traveled across your lips, your mouth so close to his.

Your breath hitched, catching in your throat, at the first undulation of his hips. He was staring down at you, and how small you felt. Rocking into him, you tilted back your head to expose your neck. As though you would will him to sink his teeth into your flesh, to open a vein and allow you to bleed. Instead he set his tongue to your windpipe, dragging it upwards in a manner that had you clenching around him. Your body had always been so traitorous. You trailed a hand up to his hair, dipping down your chin so that you could tug him to you, kissing him for want of something to do with your mouth aside from scream in frustration. The leather of his gloves stuck to your sweat-covered sides. His lips pulled back to reveal his teeth as he hissed in pleasure, bucking up into you again, at the same time forcing you to move your hips the way _he_ liked it.

It was so simple, allowing him to manipulate you. You held tightly to the front of his uniform top. One of his hands met your face, his thumb hooking past the corner of your mouth. You set your capped teeth against it, only enough pressure to keep the digit there. His teeth, free from any sort of seal, met your collarbone. You squeezed your eyes closed, inhaling sharply through your nose at the pain that coursed through you. _Finally._ General Hux placed a kiss against the area. You felt only heat. Your hands found the collar of his shirt. How nicely it covered his throat. Once more did your eyes lock with his, and then your lips. His cock pushing in and out of you, you desperately trying to alter the angle so that your clit would be stimulated. Clearly he would not allow you to drown in pain; thus orgasm would be an alternative. His hands on your ass, _him_ choosing when and how you would experience that pleasure. Your jaw dropped open and your eyelids fluttered.

You were a trembling mess in his arms, your cunt so wet for him; you could _hear_ every thrust, every smack of his flesh against yours. General Hux pulled you off of him. You whimpered, whining as he turned you around and bent you over the edge of Kylo Ren’s bed. You knew what was coming, and it was not the sort of pain you had been praying for. It was not death, but instead a further degradation.

His gloved hand met your ass in a sharp smack that had you bucking against the mattress. The redhead slipped his cock between your legs, fucking your outer lips. You moaned at the feel of him, along your cunt, the head of his cock brushing against your lower belly. Backwards. Forwards again, in time with his spankings at times, while at others it was in contrast. You felt your vaginal walls spasming in the telltale signs that you were close. 

_Objectify me. Objectify me. I’m nothing._

His fingertips dug into your hips as he reentered you—and that was all it took for you to cum around him. You screamed in orgasm, a quivering mess underneath your enemy as he sought his own release within you. His groan entered your ears, his cock twitching inside of you.

General Hux took a single step backwards, wiping his cock on your thigh before tucking himself away. You remained on the bed in that same position. Your chest heaving with every breath you took, sweat running down your body as his semen dribbled out of you. You felt his thumbs parting your lower lips, felt his eyes taking in the sight. “I broke my mother’s heart,” you managed to say as your enemy found your clit with two fingers. He then shifted those digits to your entrance, thrusting them into you. You rocked into his touch, knowing his actions for what they were. Something physical to keep you from drowning in the doubts that any of this was real. Something to distract you from the fact that you wanted to die—wanted to die so that they could take nothing more from you. “I’m going to destroy you both… I’ll destroy _him_.” General Hux began stroking the place inside of you that made it to where you lost your voice. You panted, moaned, and whimpered for him as you came again.

As he withdrew his fingers, the man spoke softly, “You should clean yourself, tooka.”

You nodded wordlessly, forcing yourself to your feet and walking once more into the refresher. There you used both the toilet and shower. You dried off, taking little time to complete each task before returning to the room and climbing onto the bed. You well knew what would happen. Thus you did not flinch in the least when General Hux secured the collar around your neck, when he chained you to the bed again. He held the cooled cup of cocoa to you, and you took only a sip before stating that you were done. The man left with the drink.

Drawing your knees towards your body, you wrapped your arms around yourself and set your forehead to your legs. It had been painful enough to know that they were targeting the other cells. Discovering that a map to Skywalker had been located, that the First Order was pursuing it, however, was by far worse. _Force, don’t let him find it._ You felt like a hypocrite; it was not as though you held a fondness for the Force, not after it had been used against you in such a manner. Countless times you had been subjected to its control, to the control of those who could wield its power.

What disturbed you more than anything was that your thoughts wandered to Kylo Ren. Not in the context of him as your enemy; you wondered, instead, how it was he would react to your actions with General Hux. His words from the past rang through your ears: _You may touch him. A single time._ As though he truly believed he owned you.

In truth, you hated the way General Hux handled you. The degrading way in which he spanked you. It made you feel wretched and small. Then again, you had wanted a different reason to feel that way, _anything_ to take your mind off of what you could possibly have done to your mother. You wanted to feel used. The words you had spoken so long ago and, in some ways, often to Ren rang true: your body meant nothing.

Their attempts to agree with you on this were sometimes laughable. The way they would become so easily distracted by it. General Hux had proven himself a liar, to say he wasn’t ruled by such desires.

You pulled at the collar on your neck, stretching the chain as best you could. There was not enough of it to allow you to strangle yourself. You would pass out, perhaps, however could not—

The door to Kylo Ren’s quarters slid open. You were sitting cross-legged, the chain pulled nearly as tightly as it could be, and your body facing the headboard. You turned your head, however, to see the entrant. His stride was confident as ever, which set a sinking feeling in your stomach. He said not a single word to you; the robed man instead preoccupied himself with drawing out a clean shirt. You had to twist your torso to keep track of the man. All the while your heart was racing in your chest. Your mind buzzing with fear and anxiety. He had found the map. He had discovered the location of Skywalker before the Resistance could do so.

A metallic chuckle rang in your ears. “You’re restless.” You stopped fidgeting immediately, instead shrinking in on yourself. Kylo Ren approached you, his arm outstretched and fingers hooking. You heard a click as he unlocked you via the Force. His hand then made its way to your collar, which he undid and tossed to the ground. The shirt he thrust into your lap. “You’ll be thrilled—to know that the location of the map is temporarily hidden. But he will break, tooke.”

“Will break?” you repeated, your hands grasping at the material of the shirt. You pulled the article of clothing over your head, at last able to cover your nakedness. That horrid mask was pointed in your direction. “He? Who… You’ve taken a prisoner.”

“A member of the Resistance. They are working on him now—General Hux’s men.”

“You mean they’re _torturing_ him. You’re inhumane, creature.”

“Creature,” he repeated with a scoff that is followed by a chuckle. “Yet you call him General, despite that he is overseeing these deeds. Always General—perhaps monster on occasion, I suppose.” Kylo Ren balled up the front of your shirt, tugging you onto your feet. Your hands whipped up, seizing his wrist as you tried to steady yourself. “So _personal_ with me, tooke. Purely carnal with him.”

“Don’t delude yourself, Ren.” He hummed when you uttered his name, the man leaning in closer and brushing your cheek with the smooth surface of his mask. “He does not resort to parlor tricks to bend me to his will.”

“You Resistance members have mouths on you.” Your mind wandered to the prisoner he had referred to. His hands were on your shoulders, pushing you down to your knees. You grit your teeth, feeling your entire face heating up. “You don’t object to this, tooke. Unless you wish to lie.” Wrinkling your nose, you lifted your eyes up to his mask, which was still pointed in your direction. “You wish to see the face of the man that has been captured—we can…humor one another.”

You fumbled with the front of his robes, with his pants. Though he was not in possession of the map, the Force user appeared to be in a rather pleasant mood; the man chuckled at you once more. His gloved hand brushed through your hair, petting you. You withdrew his cock, finding that it was already hardening, and started to stroke him. His petting was almost tender, yet straddled the line of mockery. Running your tongue along your lips to wet them, you leaned forward and took him into your mouth. His hand immediately buried itself in your hair, fisting the strands and causing tears to form in the corners of your eyes. He thrust forward, groaning and swearing.

His cock felt so large inside your mouth, stretching your lips, the head brushing along the roof of your mouth with his forward thrust and then dipping towards your tongue when he would pull back. You groaned around him, pulling a swear from the man. The next thrust had him down your throat, you gagging, your fingers clawing at his thighs. Kylo Ren held onto your head, fucking you with no concern of your well-being. You breathed heavily through your nose, panicking at the feeling of suffocating around him. His head was lolled back, his hips in constant motion as he sought release.

His seed spilled down your throat, and you swallowed every drop before at last the man released you. You desperately gasped for air, gulping down lungful after lungful of it. Kylo Ren tucked himself away before lowering into a crouch. You rubbed your throat and glowered at him, your expression faltering only when he brushed your cheek with the back of his hand.

“You _are_ angry then,” you said, your throat raw and your voice hoarse. At long last did that visor point in a different direction. He stared at either the bed or the wall; you were uncertain which. “This isn’t a relationship, Ren. I’m your prisoner. You don’t love me. I don’t love you. You _don’t_ **own** me!”

“Your body is just as replaceable as mine, tooke.” You _hated_ how much his words stung. Kylo Ren stood, turning away from you and walking over to where he kept his datapad. He hit a few keys, pulling up a picture of the prisoner. Your blood ran cold. “You recognize him…” Before you could react, you felt him invading your mind, pulling up everything you knew about the man that was Poe Dameron, which thankfully wasn’t much. “The best pilot in the Resistance?” Mocking once more. Kylo Ren left your head, his boot steps filling the room as he circled you. “Even still you have your uses.”

“You won’t break him, Ren. You’re still trying to destroy me—you won’t be able to break him.”

“Do you want to feel it, tooke? Me breaking your mind?”

“Do your worst.” Kylo Ren’s knees hit the floor, his legs on either side of you, and his hand on the side of your head. You screamed at the pain that lanced through your brain. All the while his voice taunted you. Gentle caresses of words, him asking you questions that you tried to ignore so that no flashes of memory would rise to the surface. You started to throw up more walls, started to—sob when he asked, so nonchalant, how you would feel to watch him fuck another. And once more you were alone inside your head.

He had withdrawn so violently; obviously he had expected a reaction, yet nothing so strong. Had not thought he would see the truth lying there in your head. “Useless sentiment, tooke. Ben Solo is dead.” He had seen everything; the fantasy that you could return to General Organa with her son, that you had not ruined the chances for Ben Solo to be pulled to the surface. He had seen the tenderness you felt towards him in his calmer moments.

Kylo Ren seized you by your upper arm, pulled you to your feet, and dragged you into the refresher. You grit your teeth, still sobbing, as he once more undid the front of his robes. He leaned against the wall opposite the mirror, lifted your shirt up over your head, yet kept your arms hooked inside, and opened your legs so that you could see your reflection. You snarled at the sight—then moaned as he pinched your right nipple, rolling it, tugging at it. His other hand manipulated you so that his cock was between your legs, the head of his erection brushing against your cunt, your lower belly. You reached down, rubbing both it and yourself.

“Look at how much you’re _mine_ , tooke.” You could _see_ how wet you were for him. That he was aroused by your deep feelings for him, that it likely stirred within him a sensation of power, complicated you. “He doesn’t do this for you, does he, tooke? It’s _convenient_ with him. But this…you _need_ me. You _miss_ me. You _want_ me, tooke.” He wound an arm possessively around you, his hand caressing your side. You bit down on your bottom lip, pressing back into him. “I believe you, tooke—that you will try to destroy me whenever you can. Yet I _know_ that you will always lose.”

As he spoke, he pushed up into you. You threw your head back, gasping and moaning, your hands flying backwards so that you could seize his hips. He moaned when you toyed with your clitoris, when you met his thrusts without complaint. Kylo Ren groped your chest, cupping your right breast, bouncing it in his hand. You stretched, bending over and bracing your free hand on the countertop. This new angle had him pushing more deeply into you.

You kept your eyes closed, General Hux’s words from earlier echoing inside your head. _Ren has not the maturity to deal with emotions._ Which is perhaps why he was so chaotic when dealing with you. The mixed emotions you felt, wanting to destroy him, wanting to save him—and for him, you were intended to be a fix, an object.

_I can kill Kylo Ren by saving Ben Solo… I can’t save Ben Solo… He has to save himself… I don’t want to kill him… This is Leia’s son and sometimes I can **see** that. It would hurt her if he died, but I will, won’t I? If it comes down to it…_

“Mm…don’t stop,” you moaned, working your clit faster while attempting to meet his brutal pace. He was undoubtedly choking up on the emotions, both yours and his.

_I can’t save him…but if he breaks…if **Kylo Ren** breaks, then **Ben Solo** might be able to emerge…_

You both cried out in orgasm, your bodies slumping against the ledge. The arm that had encircled you wound all the tighter, holding your body to his.

_But he’s killed so many…how many did he kill while capturing Poe Dameron? Does he even deserve to be saved?_

You set your hand atop his, keeping his arm around you. He held so tightly onto you, as though you were some sort of anchor, keeping him—from what? From being pulled to the light? From sinking completely into the darkness? Perhaps a mere reminder that he was human. This man who would shortly be moving on to do his damnedest to break Poe Dameron.

“It’s all so personal,” you murmured. His other arm moved around you as well. “He said it became personal.”

“In that she was hurt…betrayed…more deeply… I did not force you to attack her personally, tooke. That is not what Supreme Leader willed.”

_Supreme Leader…as though he is a mindless puppet…_

“If I tried to save you, could you resist me?” you asked softly. A dry, humorless chuckle. Kylo Ren pulled his body away from yours. You turned around as he was fixing his robes, and pulled your shirt back over your head, smoothing it down your body. “If I gave you that choice—to watch me try to save you or watch as I destroyed you, Ren… Could you truly resist it? The challenge? You’re a warrior. You would fight me on either count. Which battle are we choosing?”

“You’re suddenly so confident in your skills. Are the endorphins clouding your vision? Has adrenalin made you so foolish?”

“Endorphins, Ren?”

He shot forward like a blast, his hands on your wrists, twisting roughly so that the backs of your hands were facing you. He drew a line down your two ring fingers with his index fingers. You stared at the tattoos. At the way he tapped against the finger that held the name _Ben Solo_.

“Should I break it for you, tooke?” You tensed. “Remove it completely?”

“You fear it, Ren?” you asked after gathering your bearings. This time _he_ stiffened. You leaned forward and kissed the digit that held his former name. “You fear love—and now I’m pitying you all over again. You’re right, you know? Me allowing the General to touch me again like that, how it means nothing. It’s just convenient. But with you…” He retreated from you, jerking away and twisting on his heel, marching out of the refresher.

You knew that he would gather himself by the time he arrived at whatever cell they were keeping Poe Dameron in. He was too familiar with masks to allow them to drop for too long.

Clutching your hand against your chest, the tattooed finger to your heart, you stared at the floor. “Don’t break, Poe. Don’t give into him. Force, don’t…don’t let him find that map. Please.”

You felt so ill, to know that your General _had_ to be aware of her son’s path in life. She fought against him in her own way, however she would want him home. The part of you that had seen his moments of humanity—this part of you wanted him to return to being Ben Solo. Yet how you _loathed_ him as well. It would never be so simple. All the lives he had ended. Your _comrades_ , your mind screamed. You thought of how their ashes tasted.

_If he can renounce his identity as Kylo Ren—if he became Ben Solo…would it make his death any easier for General Organa?_

You licked your lips. How you missed the days when you only hated him, when you had not known his past life. It was easier to kill someone you hated than it was someone you pitied.

_I’d destroy myself before admit  
All the things I feel for you.  
We should kill one another,  
It’s the best thing we could do.  
Yet here we stand, both alive,  
Trying to find a new truth._


	21. TWENTY-ONE

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Twenty-One: And How We Love the Dead

_If you forget what you’re fighting for,  
Remember me, dear daughter.  
When you’ve finally won your war,  
Then come home to your father_

You were, tragically, in love with a man whom you had never met; in love with a dead man. In truth, you had become infatuated with the _idea_ of a person, one who was built around your own morals and your idolization of General Organa. That you had placed the psyche of this false love into the shell of Kylo Ren, your enemy, had you suddenly at a loss for words. You stared at the two tattoos on your fingers. In that moment, Kylo Ren would be interrogating Poe Dameron, would be attempting to break the man. It was not as though you had ever known Ben Solo. You reminded yourself of this as you slipped down to your knees.

Cupping your finger with your other hand, you felt your eyes narrowing while your gaze ran over that tattooed name again. _Ben Solo_. A ragged breath choked you, leaving you in a short coughing fit.

_Should I break it for you, tooke? Remove it completely?_

It was only after he had left the room that you had realized why he had marked you with his former name at all. It was not only due to the emotional response it aroused from you. It had struck you that he had likely recalled your words, of how the past shaped who you became. Snarling, you twisted your hand to instead peer down at the tattoo of _Kylo Ren_. This was the being who was tangible. No mere idea, no fantasy. The broken man, Kylo Ren.

 _How many will he break in return?_ you wondered, squeezing closed your eyes and once more praying that Poe Dameron would have the strength to resist the Force user. Having been on the receiving end of his probing, however, you could not fault Dameron if he did break. _And if he does break… Is the map already safe? Although how he possibly could have ensured that, I…_

“He doesn’t even exist, and you let me hold onto that fantasy… Why?”

His footsteps echoed through the room, louder when you fell silent. You dared not look in his direction. By his walk alone, by his calmness, you knew he had broken your ally. Your stomach churned, the acid building up inside of it, and a curse made itself known in the back of your head. A swear that you repeated mentally more than single time. It did not, however, reach your lips. Those were much too preoccupied with repeating the inquiry, that strained out _why?_ that grew more desperate in tone upon its third utterance.

“When you were a little girl,” he began, his foot falls pausing as he halted in the center of the room, “you imagined there was a planet that consisted solely of children. Foolish ideas…your parents never discouraged such fantasies.”

“So,” you bit out, feeling a level of bitterness once more rising within you, “to you I’m a child.”

“In your ideals—yes. Cracking. Breaking. Shattering. They are similar, and yet—I have no need of an irreparable shell. The Resistance has offered up countless such creations already.”

“I don’t think you were so thorough with Dameron.”

“The pilot? He broke, tooke. He was perhaps a more formidable foe than others, and yet how weak in the end. A droid—troops are being sent even now to retrieve it. In time, your general’s dreams of employing Skywalker’s help will be nothing more than that. Childish fantasies.”

“So…You’re a nightmare then?” There was a single second of silence, and then a deep chuckle reverberated in the room. “You’re Kylo Ren… There is no Ben Solo. That’s…it’s all in the past, I get that. Some nightmare.”

“I thought of you, tooke…” Those loud foot stomps again, drawing closer to you. You at last lifted your gaze so that you could peer at that cold mask. His strides were sure, so confident, and your resolve had already been wavering. Your mouth opened a fraction of an inch, your eyes searching along his visor. “While inside his head, I thought…of you. You—how many walls you have thrown up to keep me away. How much information about your childhood you gave in order to protect the secrets of the Resistance.

“To you, that is only in the past. That little girl—you are no longer so foolish, so small, so _weak_. You wanted me to be Ben Solo, tooke, because you wanted me to be weak. To be able to defeat me.”

“I…” Your voice caught in your throat as you realized just how true his words rang. Wrapping your arms around yourself, cupping your upper arms with your hands, you shuddered and gagged.

“You feel quite like a damsel in distress, yet still you want to save yourself. You are aware of your own strengths—are not ignorant of _mine_. You idolize that general of yours, and for what purpose? Such pretty words she speaks, yet have you paid attention to the actions of the Resistance? Undermining the New Republic—are they not mere hypocrites? Building an arsenal of their own…” A scoff, which was emphasized by the mask he wore. It gave his distaste a greater depth that you could hardly ignore. “Your mother had spoken ill of the Resistance…and, even under my control, you had reacted poorly.”

“What?” The word nearly caught in your throat, the vowel emphasized drastically.

“Speaking against her political views… Supporting both the Centrists and the Resistance while denouncing the Populists. How frustrated she became.” Though he said no more, you well knew that he had not given you the full story, had avoided spilling any of the gory details. Kylo Ren stretched an arm before him, his fingers splayed. You tilted your head back the slightest bit, staring at his palm. Even from this distance, you could feel his touch on your flesh. The leather sticking to you, pressing you down—yet there was no force behind it, nor any Force. Merely a visual; that familiar limb in your line of view.

Another step towards you, his pace even, his hip dipping as he swung forth his other leg. Though you could not tear your eyes from the palm of his hand, you could see his every move all the same. “You’re crying, tooke,” he said so simply.

“Once upon a time…you were Ben Solo…and something broke…and now you’re Kylo Ren… But I don’t know who I am. I broke…I’ve been broken so many times, and I don’t know… I want to cling onto the idea of Ben Solo. I want to pretend that I can go back to who _I_ used to be. Can I? Can I continue pretending?” His hand met your flesh, directly over your heart. “It doesn’t work like that, does it?” No response. He stood there before you, touching you and holding his head at an angle while considering you. “We have to leave the past behind us. You’re Kylo Ren…and I’m… Who am I?”

You placed your hands on his forearm, shifting onto your knees and trailing your limbs up towards his shoulder. His hand on your chest kept you from fully reaching your destination. You winced at being blocked in this manner. “I’ve raped you, tooke—and now you want me. I defeated you in so many ways…and now you crave my attention. Are you truly so lost?”

“Isn’t it what you’ve been wanting?”

“You have not admitted defeat, tooke. You have not yet given up… This is—different.” He allowed you to press against his fingers, the man curving each of those digits so that you could at last reach his shoulder with both your hands. You pulled yourself up to a greater height on your knees, leaned your weight onto him, and stared from an angle at his masked face. He, in turn, was watching you.

“Maybe it’s that…you’ve done everything in your power to destroy me…but you’ve only broken me. I can mend… You can’t destroy me though. You did rape me, knowing it was the one thing that would hurt me the most aside from killing those I loved—and you had no access to them. I didn’t fear death…in a way, I still don’t. I have no idea who I am anymore, and yet… You went through that as well, didn’t you? Transitioning from Ben Solo to Kylo Ren. Discovering your own feelings, your own self… I thought I had done that by joining the Resistance.

“And then you came along. You’ve torn down a lot of my defenses, Kylo Ren. You took so much. But…you’re my enemy, and you shouldn’t have given me anything at all in return. Not a book. Not something to hold onto. This wasn’t intentional on your part either. Sentiment… You call empathy a useless sentiment, especially when it’s for an enemy of the First Order. In your eyes, though I am an enemy, I am more a tool now. Do you have empathy for me, Ren? Do you have compassion for me? Because you aren’t letting me destroy myself right now…and how many times have you claimed that you would?”

A static-filled noise escaped him, and you could not discern the nature of the sound. Was it frustration? Humor? You weren’t certain. Kylo Ren cupped your hands in either of his, his thumbs to your palms so that you were able to again see those markings, his names. “The past…and the present…” He placed your hands against one another, entwining your fingers together. “And together they have you begging for mercy.” You stared at the way your fingers were interlocked, at how indeed you were made to look as though you were praying, begging. His names visible to your eyes. “Begging me to… _feel_ something…for you. You want to mean something to me, tooke.”

His hands were still upon yours, cupping yours together and not letting you go. You felt the leather against your naked flesh, and how cold did it seem. How harshly it seemed to bite into you, that smooth material. Kylo Ren lowered his face towards yours. You could see your reflection in his helmet, your breath fogging his mouthpiece when he ventured to draw that close. Puckering your lips, you kissed his mask as you had in the past. He chuckled.

“You came to gloat, didn’t you?” you whispered. “That you broke him when I was _praying_ and _begging_ you wouldn’t. This is all so ironic to you, so fucking humorous.”

“And here you are: fighting again. I missed you, little tooke.” Your heart hiccupped in your chest at these words, at the way he set his mask against the side of your neck and nuzzled you. “And he did fight—yet you should be proud. _You_ have put up a better fight than him.”

“I was trained to resist you,” you uttered, sliding closed your eyes. “Everything was about you… _That’s_ what amuses you, right?”

“Yes.”

Kylo Ren withdrew from you, his hands at last leaving your flesh. You felt cold, colder than when he had been touching you. Shivering, you heard your teeth clattering together and knew that he could hear this as well. The man did not comment, however; on the contrary, he seemed almost distracted. He turned on his heel, striding towards the door to the room, and left. Less than three seconds after the door closed behind him, you both felt and heard the explosion. A light rocking, which had you gripping at the bed sheets to steady yourself.

_We’re under attack… Oh, gosh, if this… If the Resistance can destroy this ship…they’ll take out Kylo Ren and General Hux both._

The idea of such a victory over the First Order had you leaping to your feet. You rushed over to the wardrobe, pulling out some of Ren’s spare clothing; a shirt and a pair of boxers, both of which you quickly dressed in. You had not missed the fact that Ren had failed to seal the door upon exiting. He likely had sensed the attack seconds before it occurred. Perhaps he was headed towards the bridge—or did he have a ship he piloted to fend off attackers? You shook your head to erase such thoughts, focusing instead on slipping out of Kylo Ren’s quarters.

In the chaos of the Star Destroyer being under attack, the stormtroopers rushing through the hall paid you no heed. Having not even realized you had tensed up, you felt yourself relaxing. The muscles in your legs suddenly did not ache as you walked through the corridors. Where you were headed, you were not entirely certain. Your eyes scanned the hallways. Poe Dameron was a pilot. If he could be freed, then…

_It…couldn’t be… What a stupid thought._

You shook your head again, continuing forward. How Poe Dameron would have managed to get free, you had no idea. It was nearly impossible. Nearly, though not quite. You cocked your head to the side, listening. It sounded only as though a minimal amount of ships were attacking. The alarms were not going off. Perhaps a single ship…one piloted by the Resistance member. A smile made its way to your face. If he was free—that was worth more than _your_ freedom at this point.

_I don’t even know how he could have… They likely had—have?—him restrained to one of those dreadful interrogation tables. How would he get free…_

A blaster was pointed at your chest. You stopped walking, staring at the nozzle. “Prisoner number—“ You felt your eyes glazing over as the man spoke, the male stormtrooper informing you that you were to be returned to a cell. He did not drop his guard as he approached you. You bit down on the insides of your cheeks. It was set to stun, his blaster. The members of the First Order feared killing you, feared Kylo Ren’s reaction. You lifted your chin, staring at the man and daring him to pull the trigger. “Forward!”

“Shoot me.” The finger on the blaster’s trigger twitched, however the stormtrooper did not fire at you. Another blast, another rocking of the ship. He was knocked forward a step. As he tried to steady himself, you swerved and ducked low, thrusting yourself forward and knocking the blaster so that he could not shoot you. The ‘trooper released a noise of indignation and attempted to elbow you in the back of your head. Having dealt with a more powerful foe—having faced Kylo Ren—you easily dodged, worked the blaster out of the man’s hands, and stunned him with his own weapon.

You turned on your heel, stumbled forward two steps, and abruptly stopped. Your entire frame stiffened, your eyes widening. Rather than breathe heavily, your lungs instead decided to slow their progress. There was a low buzzing in the back of your head. You knit your brow and blinked repeatedly.

_“Do you not even **care** that he’s **dead**?” your mother’s voice rang in your ears. Your mind hardly registered them, your focus on the tasks Kylo Ren had assigned to you. Denounce the Populists of the New Republic. Speak against the Resistance. A single death, no matter how important nor personal, would not and could not distract you. It was unable to return your mind to your own control._

The blaster slipped out from your fingers and clattered to the ground. You stared down at it dumbly, still blinking and now releasing a humming. Denial. Mm-mm. Over and over, in a particular rhythm—as though you were singing out your denial. You rejected the truth, the only meaning your mother’s words could have had.

No, you thought, that was not reality.

Raising a hand, you cupped your mouth and swallowed down the bile that rose. Your stomach churned, acid noisily swirling. It was not as though you had consumed much at all; a blessing in disguise. You likely would have vomited otherwise. With another shaky breath, this one deeper than the previous few you had managed, you forced yourself to walk towards the nearest window. All the explosions had died down. Yet the roar of multiple TIEs flying around the Star Destroyer had gripped your attention. A stormtrooper transport shuttle, which was heading down to Jakku.

Jakku was a merciless planet you had never set foot upon. _If Poe did escape…can he survive this? The planet itself. But no one else could have caused such mayhem to the Star Destroyer like that. How did he escape? Force, thank you… For letting him escape…_

You set the very tips of your fingers to the glass. _Is he really dead?_ A black shadow behind you, reflected in the window. You allowed your eyes to focus on it, the ships blurring as Kylo Ren’s figure became clearer. He did not utter a single word to you. The stormtrooper you had stunned had not stirred; you wondered, passively, how long he would remain unconscious.

“It’s so unforgiving… He’ll survive it,” you said before you realized you were speaking at all. The man behind you merely took a step closer. “I wouldn’t have gotten very far…”

“You do have capabilities as a pilot then.” You pressed your lips into a thin line. Yet again you had spilled information to the First Order without meaning to. “We had suspected as much.”

“I am alive in case the Resistance attempts to train more… To confirm any suspicions you may have in regards to the Resistance—like with Poe Dameron. And your ability to use me to further the First Order’s political agenda… Is my father dead, Ren?” His silence was answer enough. “And my mother thought…she thinks…that I don’t even care. That’s what hurt her, isn’t it? Or at least one of the things that did.”

“You are foolish to believe the pilot will survive, tooke. Once more with that false hope. Once more holding onto the dead—onto people you have never even met.”

“Sometimes I pretend you’re human in more than your body alone. And then you open your mouth. That mask you wear is so fitting.”

“ _You_ miss it—hiding behind a mask as you fire upon defenseless officers of the First Order.”

“It’s so sick. Missing one of the ugly aspects of war. Missing the anonymity of it. At least then _I_ knew who I was…and now… You never answered. Who am I? It’s horrible… I didn’t react to my father’s death. And now I can’t stop crying.” It was true; tears had been running down your face since before the Force user had arrived. No sobs—you felt difficulty in breathing, yes, and yet you not released a single sob. “You think you’ve won. You don’t yet have the map. People will resist you—you won’t win. Even if you do finally manage to defeat me completely, that small victory will be _nothing_. You’ll lose.”

“‘The Resistance will not be intimidated,’” he uttered with a snicker. You flinched, turned around, and faced him in full. He was closer than you had realized, a mere foot and a half away was all. “Even the pilot said this line. Yet how badly you all tremble, you Resistance members, when you think of the successes of the First Order. I’ve broken you—repeatedly—and I broke through his defenses as well. The droid will be retrieved. It is foolish to continue deluding yourself that things will happen differently.”

“I hate you.”

“No. You simply miss your father. Your mind can hardly wrap around the truth—that he is dead. You’re still in denial. Poor, little tooke.” Your lip quivered. “You finally accepted that Ben Solo is dead, that he was but a stranger to you, an _idea_. And now—a true loss.” The first sob started to rise, prompting you to swallow thickly. You did not want to break down in front of him, did not—it tore painfully from you, and your legs swayed, giving out on you so that you collapsed to your knees on the ground. “You’re my fix, tooke—shattering you would be foolish. Do you need my body, hmm?”

“I…y…yes,” you sobbed out. Kylo Ren bent down long enough to scoop your arm into his grasp. He tugged you up to your feet, ignored the unconscious stormtrooper, and led you back to his quarters. Wrapped up in your misery, in your loss, you saw nothing wrong with any of these actions; perceived no faults in your obedience towards your enemy.

The moment the door closed, he began to strip. None of his actions were rushed. His helmet came off first, and thus you were able to see those brown orbs watching you. He observed every one of your movements. You brushed at the tears that were still flowing, rubbed your raw eyes, and felt your entire body spasming as you held back wails of sorrow.

This was a dangerous game—for him as much as for you. Being compassionate towards an enemy. Him allowing you to use him to come to terms with your sorrow. Your hands pushed the boxers down your hips, forcing the material to slide down your legs and pool at your feet. Kylo Ren set aside his cowl, next his shirt. You removed the final article of clothing from your body and stood naked, bare before your enemy yet again. He, unlike many times previous, fully disrobed. Just as bare. Just as vulnerable. As though, because you had accepted him— _Kylo Ren_ —you had earned some semblance of respect from the man.

It was not sex; it was familiarity. Your body knew his, and so when he pressed it against yours, you instinctively clutched at him. You wound your arms around him, your fingertips pressed to his flesh, your face buried against his chest. Breathing deeply, you inhaled his scent. Familiar. Calming. You felt as though you were drowning, your mind spinning and in a fog. Dead.

Kylo Ren pressed you down to the bed, laying you out before him and sliding between your legs. “Ren,” you whispered, your voice growing hoarse from all the sobbing, from the tears that were choking you. His tongue on your jawline, and then trailing up along those dried tears. Over the bridge of your nose, back down again. He lapped at the salty residue prior to placing the first kiss upon your lips.

“You do not care that you failed to escape,” he said after the second kiss. “You built your life around me—even before you were captured.” You grit your teeth to keep them from chattering. Kylo Ren tilted his head to the side, watching you at a new angle. His breath was warm on your flesh. “Poor, little tooke.” He hooked his hands around you, tugging at you whilst thrusting up. You hissed at the intrusion, at the feeling of him stretching you open with his cock. “You need something familiar to hold onto.”

“It’s horrible!” you croaked.

“Yes.” This time, when he lowered his mouth onto yours, you kissed him back, your lips moving desperately against his.

_There had been only so many holovids of Kylo Ren; the man generally did not leave survivors when it came to his battles with the Resistance. What few there were, however, you studied. Ip says he’s human, you would remind yourself as you watched the creature on the video twirl his lightsaber before executing a blow that cut through the life of one of your allies. You obsessively watched the videos, memorizing his every attack pattern. You listened to any tale of him that you could._

_Always searching for a weakness in his defense. You devoted hours each day to him. Weeks. Months. More than a year._

And now you were in his bed, throwing your head back and gasping as he moved within you. His hands were on either side of your head, propping up his torso as he crushed his lower body into yours. You felt him brush up against your clit whilst at the same time his cock stroked you from the inside. You gasped then gulped.

You had left behind your parents to defeat this man. Instead you had been taken hostage. Instead your father had died in your absence—and your mother believed that you did not care at all.

“He’s the reason I was fighting!” you cried out, twisting. Kylo pulled back, waited for you to roll onto your stomach, and clutched once more at your hips. He tugged you against him, reentering you. You dangled your head and squeezed closed your eyes. This embrace was familiar to you. So cold. So warm.

Reaching behind yourself, you pushed at the man’s chest. Kylo Ren grunted, however he allowed you to push him away. You whipped around, finding that he had already rested back, propped up on his elbows. You placed your hands once more on his chest, pressing him down all the more as you climbed up his body. The man licked his lips. You straddled his face, fresh tears spilling while he wound his arms around your legs and tugged you down. His mouth enveloped you, and you threw your head back.

Your hands were in his hair, tugging. Kylo Ren moaned, hungrily sucking and lapping at you. You ground down against his face, rocking and riding his tongue as he fucked you with it. “R-Ren,” you whispered, choking on the word. “It’s…it’s not…it’s fucking…it’s not fucking fair!”

A force threw you off of him, slamming you onto your back upon the bed. You felt yourself pinned there. Kylo Ren climbed up your body so that he could align himself with you. When he entered you this time, he kept his gaze locked with yours. There was something—not quite sympathy, but something akin to it.

It was as though he knew the _true_ source of your pain. Death. The ugliness of war.

It was tragic, that you had fallen in love with the _idea_ that was Ben Solo. A dead man, a man you had never known.

You had once known death, though you did not remember the experience.

Perhaps, you thought while clutching desperately to Kylo Ren when he allowed you to freely move your limbs; perhaps you had felt peace in death, and just maybe that had to do with you being with your father once more.

“Ren,” you whispered again. His response was to kiss you, his mouth possessively working against yours, his tongue dominating yours. You moaned, both in pain and pleasure; you did not know which one, ultimately, won out.

_In my deepest agony,  
The one to hold me—  
My enemy?_


	22. TWENTY-TWO

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Twenty-Two: A Kink in the Chain

_I’ll tear down your world, and then your feet shall dangle in the void._

You were uncertain as to how long you had slept after Kylo Ren had pulled away from you. The man had not remained in the room, and you had been too exhausted, both physically and emotionally, to protest. Yet there you awoke, blinking your eyes open and taking in the sight of the darkly clad man standing at the foot of the bed. His shoulders were heaving, as though he were agitated—no, your mind supplied; that’s _exactly_ what his present state was. Agitation. The only explanation would be that something had gone awry with the droid. Your heart leapt at the thought, and he lurched forward a step. Flinching, you squeezed closed your eyes and waited to be struck.

“You will remain here. A distraction…” You winced at the final portion, your mind returning to the first words he had spoken. So, you thought, he would not be aboard the _Finalizer_. Your attention darted towards the door. Likely there was a ‘trooper waiting to take you to a cell.

You wrapped the bedsheets around your body before standing, your bare feet chilled by the coolness of the floor. “So… You’re going to hunt for it still… You won’t get the droid.”

“I will retrieve the map, tooke,” he said, his modulated voice bleeding both confidence and frustration. He was short on patience, and you knew better than to press your luck. In that respect he was much like a cornered animal. “But there is no need for you to be present on Starkiller.” Your eyes darted instantly to him at the sound of that name. He would be returning to the base—perhaps it housed a powerful weapon, though you were not entirely certain.

“This is a dangerous game, Ren,” you said, using a hand to gesture towards yourself. “To think that I will obey, that I won’t fight.” A dry, humorless chuckle from him. “You’ll be so far…as will General Hux, if it truly is to Starkiller Base that you are headed.”

“You will be restrained, tooke. Helpless once more. Struggling against your bindings.” He was in a foul mood, to be stating things so simply. It was not only that the droid had eluded him; there was something else, something that you could not quite place your finger on. A turn of events that provoked—was he afraid of something? His Master’s displeasure possibly, you thought to yourself. “Perhaps you should dress…unless it is your preference to be naked.”

You held your tongue at that. Walking over to the wardrobe, you endured his stare as you dropped the sheet and dressed in some of his spare clothing. Kylo Ren said nothing more to you. He gestured to the door, which opened, and then waited patiently for the stormtrooper to secure your wrists with the cuffs. Your mind was in a buzz; you looked over your shoulder at the masked man, who stared at you as you were pushed forward and forced to leave the man’s quarters.

There was no table to which you could be strapped. A flat board of a bed. A toilet in the corner, both so close to one another. A minute amount of floor room. That was all. You were pushed into the cell by the ‘trooper, who locked you inside and then headed away; you could hear his retreating footsteps.

_It’s something important…something big… Whatever the plans of the First Order are… A distraction… He doesn’t want me doing anything to interfere. It’s more than just this droid. What the hell could—what is Starkiller Base? It **must** house a weapon. But for what purpose?_

You sunk down onto the edge of the bed, the hard metal not yielding in the least. For him to be locking you in a cell, you wondered just how long this would all take. More than a single day.

Time inched by. You stared up at the ceiling. Had Kylo Ren left the _Finalizer_ yet? It was likely. General Hux along with him. You could be left alone for weeks without any true discomfort. There were plenty of thoughts to entertain yourself with. Memories. Childhood; those snippets of your past that Ren had likely seen when you had offered them in place of Resistance information. Fairytales your father had told you when you were younger.

Your father…

 _How did he die?_ It was a question you did not know if you would ever receive the answer to.

When three hours had ticked by, you became aware of the speakers in one of the corners; more First Order propaganda. Speeches that caused your lips to curl back, your teeth revealed. Lies. Blatant lies, denouncing the New Republic—it was young, you screamed; and yes, it was learning. It was…

_“War is never meant to be a permanent thing,” your father said the first time he took you to the shooting range. You awkwardly held the gun that was in your hands. The safety was on so that it did not accidentally discharge as you grew accustomed to its weight. “It’s a state of being between moments of peace.”_

_“So…so why…why am I holding a gun?” you asked him, tilting your head to one side. Your father smiled down at you. “Hm?”_

_“Just in case, sweetheart.” He lifted his own weapon, aimed at the target, and fired a single shot. You stared at the target, bouncing on your heels with childish impatience. You wanted to understand what he was getting at, yet you didn’t. “Not everyone lets peace arrive so smoothly. I want you prepared for anything… I don’t want to see you get hurt.”_

_You wrinkled up your nose, allowing your father to adjust your grip on the weapon. He genuflected behind you, assisting you in taking aim, and at last he kicked off the safety. He never let go of your hand; and still it took you more than a minute before you gathered up the courage to shoot for the first time. Naturally, you missed the target._

You curled your legs towards the rest of your body, drawing yourself into a small ball. You were lying on your side at that point. Four hours had elapsed. Two more, and the propaganda began. A different speech, though to the same effect. This one was an old recording from the Empire. _Distasteful,_ you thought, staring unseeingly at the door to your cell.

What would it have been like, you wondered, if you had died rather than the man discovering that you had survived the lightsaber wound? What would it have felt like, to be burned alive? You tried to call to mind the intense pain of the lightsaber searing your flesh. It would have liquefied your internal organs if given the chance, and yet he had not allowed the plasma blade to remain inside of you long enough. Still, you reasoned, there was damage to your organs. They no longer functioned at full capacity. Maybe they would give out entirely one day.

You imagined, too, how it would have felt, to make love to one of your comrades. Dead; they were all dead now, those you had worked with for so long. The Resistance had not fallen completely, and yet the First Order had managed to eliminate those cells. A number of faces flashed before your mind’s eye. Men you had felt close to, who perhaps would have loved you if given the chance. You pictured yourself underneath them, and discovered that they somehow always warped into either Kylo Ren or General Hux. Your enemies, the only men with whom you had any experience at all in that setting. There was nothing tender about it.

You thought of when, as a child, you had watched those boys torture then kill the tooke. It had sickened you, had made you sob. You had not told your parents, not immediately, and so when they had presented to you the gift of a tooke for your birthday, they had been at a loss as to why you broke down crying. You had insisted that the tooke be returned, though you accepted the substitution of a stuffed animal tooke. You had slept with it every night for so long.

_“Daddy, I don’t think I like tooke trap plants,” you said, sitting beside him in the grass. You were practically pouting, eyeing the offending life form._

_Your father chuckled. “That’s how life goes sometimes. There’s no need to hate it. Did you know—tooke are toxic to rancors.” You whipped your head in his direction and stared at him with wide eyes. “Yup. Those big creatures? Their bodies cannot handle tookes.” He gestured to the tooke trap plant. “That there, it does what a rancor cannot. As cute as tooke are, you wouldn’t want them to overrun the planet, now would you?”_

_You pouted. “I guess not.” You stared at the plant and then looked to your father. “Do you think **I** could beat a rancor?”_

_“I don’t know, sweetheart. They’re pretty tough. Cute as you are, you’re not a tooke.” He winked at you, bringing a smile to your lips._

Tears slipped from the corners of your eyes. You did nothing to wipe them away. In the background, another recording from the Empire was playing. Mere minutes before, one from the First Order had threatened to drown out your thoughts. You had to have been there for at least one full day. Two meals in that timeframe. It was so easy to pass the time—normally. Now you could only think of your father or else wonder if Kylo Ren had indeed succeeded in his mission. On more than one occasion did you beg the Force to not allow this to be so.

You had not been raised to be so religious in praying to the Force, to the Maker. You had been taught respect—to respect all creation, all that lived. Had been taught the natural order of things. Your father had ensured that you understood death when you were ready. He did not want to put a gun in your hands if you did not comprehend the consequences of firing such a weapon with the intent to kill. To take a life was a serious thing; be it in war or not.

Everyone spoke of death as a finality. Yet you were alive now; having been brought back from death.

_Standing beside your father, your hand in his; the two of you peered down into the pond, into the world of the living. You frowned as you watched Kylo Ren react to your death. The shouts of disbelief, the way his hand immediately went to the hilt of his lightsaber. You touched a hand to your abdomen, where you had been pierced while alive, when you watched with your father as the man who had held you captive cut through one of the physicians. Another flew into his outstretched hand. Kylo Ren tightened his grip on the female’s throat, demanding that you be brought back._

_“You won’t be able to stay here,” your father said. Your throat felt almost thick. You didn’t want to go back. You wanted to remain where you were, with your father. Death did not scare you anymore, though dying had been painful. “You need to go back.” The remaining doctors were doing what they could to start your heart once more, to get you to breathe again._

_“I want to stay,” you protested, tightening your grip on his hand, which suddenly was no longer tangible. You looked to your left, where you had held him, and felt yourself fading._

You sat up, wondering if that had been a dream or a memory. It felt _real_ , and yet the mind was a most imaginative thing indeed. You allowed your head to fall back, to touch the wall that was behind you. He had sounded so desperate; Kylo Ren, even with his mask on, had sounded beyond desperate to revive you. His fix. The little bit of Light allowed while he remained loyal to the Dark side. A tool, an anchor. Cut free, only to be bound again.

With a heavy sigh, you looked down at your hand, the one that had grasped your father’s—be it in a dream or in death. It was a nightmare in actuality, you thought; your father had not held onto you, had let you return to Kylo Ren.

“Why, daddy?” You did not actually speak those words aloud, though you mouthed them. He did not love you; Kylo Ren did _not_ love you.

_You had tried to kill him with the mirror shard after being kept in seclusion, after he had torn the book—the one he claimed you had not accepted. It baffled you still. Your hands were in their restraints, and you were lying on your side. Eyes on the back of his head; it was not often he faced away from you when the two of you were together like this. You wondered if he was asleep. For what seemed like the millionth time, your mind had replayed the moment where he had called your body replaceable, had said that you were not his only form of entertainment. Two separate issues, he claimed._

_You had called him unlovable before he had said those things to you, and at last your mind was grasping at anything at all, trying to figure out why your words would have caused him to lash out, why he had then proceeded to ignore you for days. “Did you ever love someone?” you whispered, your voice so quiet you doubted that he could hear you. Kylo Ren grunted then hummed. Not quite a response. “Cre… I… I’ve never…with anyone… I had never had sex with anyone.” Information he already well knew. “Had… Had you?”_

_“Did I seem inexperienced to you, tooke?” he asked, turning over at last. His face was a mask of passiveness. You shook your head slowly. “I have been inside many heads, interrogated countless faces… Perhaps I learned it all from there.”_

_“Did you?” His lips curled up into a smirk._

_“Inside your head—I was inside your head when I made you cum, do you remember, tooke?” You lowered your gaze from his face to his neckline. “I could see what your body needed, what it wanted.” You released a ragged breath before sucking in more air. “Did I feel inexperienced when I had you pinned while watching the interrogation?” You shook your head. “Perhaps I practiced with ice cream.” Your face was beginning to feel so hot. Kylo Ren chuckled. “I have had sex, tooke.”_

_“With…others?”_

_“It is referred to as masturbation when you are alone.” You ran your tongue over your lips, wetting them. “Idle curiosity. A quick fuck. You’re the first I have had in my bed, tooke.” You lifted your gaze, once more meeting his eyes. He was, of course, watching you in return. “Do not mistake that for intimacy; it is not—not in the form that you are seeking. I do not love you.”_

_“Why is sex so meaningless to you?” This time, Kylo Ren furrowed his brow, his lips pinching together as he stared at you. “A weapon…or…a way for you to…I don’t understand how you get your **fix** by… It’s supposed to be with someone I care for. Maybe it’s stupid to you, but I was saving myself.”_

_“Have you not heard of ‘divorce’, tooke? Had you managed to save yourself for marriage… There was always the risk of being disappointed.”_

_You were left with the impression that he had said this to comfort you. Your hand was still aching from where you had held the glass. Kylo Ren pressed closer to you, avoiding the injured limb so as to not cause you further discomfort. He did these things, said these things—and yet he did not love you._

Why had your father allowed you to return to such a man, you wondered with a snarl that twisted as the first sob wracked your frame. It caught in your throat, silent and choking you until the next one erupted, this one audible.

When the speakers kicked on, the words initially did not reach you. Your mind, however, screamed at you to listen. You _knew_ that voice.

“…end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder. At this very moment in a system far from here, the New Republic lies to the galaxy while secretly supporting the treachery of the rogues of the Resistance. This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand will bring an end to the Senate, to their cherished fleet. All remaining systems will bow to the First Order and will remember this as the last day of the Republic!”

You leapt up to your feet, another sob escaping you. So, _this_ was Starkiller Base. A machine—a _weapon_ with capabilities like the Death Star. You shook your head, your wide eyes staring up at the speaker. They were going to destroy the Senate. What did that mean? Which planet would—or did they mean to obliterate the entire Hosnian system? You covered your mouth with your hand.

_Mom!_

You rushed to the door of the cell, balling your fists together and banging them against the metal. Your wrists were bound in front of you, and yet how little good that did. You were helpless in the face of the First Order. Not only were they destroying your allies, but your family—she was all you had left!

“No!” you screamed, sinking down to your knees. The tears were numerous, countless. “Please, no. Please, please, please!” You pounded against the metal, feeling your skin threatening to give way. It stung your flesh, to continue beating on the door to no avail. And yet you could not stop, _would not_ stop. A scream tore itself from you, wordless, agonizing. “No! Please!”

This was why you had been left aboard the _Finalizer_ ; completely helpless—unable to fight against them. Incapable of preventing them from firing their weapon, from destroying—your skin at last gave way, blood smearing on the door. You kept pounding, the pain feeding into your desperation.

“Please…”

Yet there was an undeniable emptiness in you, the loss of everything you had held dear.

It was true that in the past you had felt your will to live slipping from your grasp. The times you had previously believed to be at the final thread—what laughable sentiments, what ridiculous notions. You had known _nothing_ of wanting to give up entirely until that moment. Bloodied hands. Wrists held tightly by the stormtrooper guard who had rushed in. A second white-armored individual soon joining the first; this one grasped your ankles. The two worked together, carrying you down the corridors. At first you struggled, wiggling in their hold, and then a particularly harsh sob wracked your frame and you fell limp, save for the occasional shudder as you cried.

Doctor Urvno was not present when first you were taken into the medical ward. Another physician restrained you to one of the beds before inserting an IV. You stared up at the ceiling, the fight having gone out of you. Bacta was applied to the wounds on your hands, the physician surveying the damage. You fell asleep during the examination, and it was when you awoke that Doctor Urvno was seated beside you. He had your chart pulled up on the datapad that was clasped in his hands. You stared blankly at him, your mind in a fog from whatever drug they had given you. A sedative, perhaps; which was ironic, given how tired you had naturally become.

“You have been being given nutrients through the IV for the better part of thirty-six hours,” Urvno said, his eyes lifted for but a moment. Thirty-six hours, your mind repeated. Your mother had been dead for thirty-six hours. “The injuries to your hands have been mostly healed.”

“Why?” Your voice cracked as you spoke that single word. Your throat was raw from having not drunk anything. Urvno kept his mouth closed, his lips pressed into a thin line that displayed…consternation. As though he could not fathom why you would wish for anything less than perfect health. You recalled the feeling of emptiness that had surged through you when General Hux’s speech had reached its completion. The knowledge that the entire Hosnian system would be obliterated—that’s what had been meant, correct?

You started to shift your hand, only to discover that your wrists were bound to the railings of the bed. Urvno’s gaze shifted down to your limb. You sighed, refusing to protest your current state; it was not as though anyone would listen to _your_ wishes. _You wanted to die._ Voices drifting around from nearby rooms. Ah, you thought; you had nearly forgotten that they had taken you directly into one of the few secluded rooms aboard the _Finalizer_ within the medical ward. So many voices. As though there was reason to panic.

How did your father die? It was a question to which the answer would likely always remain elusive. Your mother was murdered by the First Order. One of the many victims of thirty-six hours ago. The destruction of the entire system…

_They don’t need me anymore…I could die… I have nothing left…_

“Your system cannot handle any lack of nutrients.” You blinked upon realizing that Urvno had been speaking to you for longer than a minute. Only that final portion, however, had managed to reach your ears. “I’m certain you have been told of the severity of your internal injuries from the lightsaber wound.”

“Which?” you asked simply, your head feeling as though it were in a fog.

“The one that nearly left you dead.” Nearly—an elusive escape from Kylo Ren and the First Order. You wanted to _die_ …and yet how badly you wanted to crush them. “There is much that was left compromised given that you were not placed into a bacta tank… Even with the timeframe in which Commander Ren found you, that he discovered you were still among the living—it was not soon enough to… You haven’t been told.” You turned your head and gazed at the physician, who seemed to have paled. “The… Why it has been imperative to…to prevent pregnancy…”

“Prevent…pregnancy…” You ran your tongue along your lips, snorting a moment later. “Because he intended on repeatedly raping me. Obviously—“

“Your body…” You quieted instantly, a sort of coldness enveloping your body. Goosebumps started to pimple along your flesh, as though your subconscious knew something you were not aware of. “It is referred to as secondary endometriosis… When the lightsaber pierced you, it… One of the affected organs was your uterus. The scar tissue is—I had never seen anything quite like it. Normally secondary endometriosis is caused by more clean cuts…surgical…not a plasma blade. The lightsaber destroyed a part of your uterus, while at the same time it also has made it to where some of the tissue…the lining of the uterus is growing _outside_ of the uterus itself…

“Your digestive tract was also affected…Your body does not absorb nutrients as it should. Portions of your intestines…One could say they were fused together, given the heat and how they healed…the scar tissue…the endometriosis further complicates things, however we have that under control for the most part. If you were to, by some…I would not refer to it as a miracle given the circumstances… If you were to become impregnated…you would likely miscarry, and that would be a blessing, honestly… It would kill you… Your body could not handle a pregnancy…”

“W…wh…what?”

“The heat of the blade compromised many things… I would have expected it to…essentially liquefy your innards had it remained in you long enough. That you’re alive is—“

You shifted your body, angling away from him and tuning out the physician’s words. Your parents were both dead…and you would never be able to have a family of your own. Not that you were currently in a position to do so, and yet—that option stolen from you. Some sick joke of fate. You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes. Urvno placed a hand on your shoulder. A gesture of comfort; and you could not bring yourself to shake off the limb. It was his nature as a physician to—he was perhaps the only one who, on some small level, truly cared. The first tear slipped down onto the pillow underneath your head when the doctor removed his hand and started to walk away.

Had you never joined the Resistance, perhaps you could have been there for your father up until the point that he died— _how_ did he die, your mind questioned yet again. On the other hand, had you never joined the Resistance, you would have been on Hosnian Prime…You would have perished beside your mother.

 _No matter what,_ you thought bitterly whilst crying, _they would have taken everything away from me._ Your throat felt as though it was constricting in on itself. _What do I even have left to hold onto? Nothing…there’s no…hope… Are you happy, Ren? Wherever you are, you must be happy… And Hux as well…wanting to break me with his own hands…to destroy his enemy…the order to kill my mother came from your lips, Hux. I hate you._

Your gaze then wandered down to your abdomen, covered by a bedsheet. You shifted your feet, kicking off the material so that you could stare down at your belly with only your shirt to block your view of the dreadful scar. A burn scar. You should not have survived your injury, you told yourself.

_Your mother smiled at you as you cradled the baby doll in your arms. You did not often play with such toys, however you had grown particularly fond of this specific doll. You rocked it back and forth, humming the lullaby your mother often sang to you before bed and after she had read a book to you. Nighttime was when you saw her most; she was currently so busy with her job—whatever it was, your child’s mind did not care much to pay attention._

_“Are you going to have babies when you’re older?” your mother asked. You paused in your actions, blinking and pursing your lips into a fish-face. You turned your wide-eyed gaze onto your mother. “Yesterday you said you would forever be alone.”_

_“Maybe I’ll have a pet,” you said with a wide smile._

_“No children?”_

_“Just one…maybe… Except it might be lonely… If I have babies, I will have two—can I have another doll? For this one to play with. I think she’s lonely”_

_“Alright, sweetheart.”_

You were roused by the sensation of something being clipped in your hair. A soft sigh escaped from your lips, and you refused to open your eyes. The hand that had worked the item into your hair lingered for a moment longer beside your head. It then drew back. Soft footsteps, almost hesitant in nature, moving away from you. It sounded almost as though the individual had a limp. How strange, you thought. And yet your mind did not remain on the subject for very long. It was more interested in running through your memories.

_On one of the nights during your training, you had awoken from a nightmare crying. Ip, in the bed beside yours, was lying on his side and staring at you. You wiped at your eyes, feeling rather embarrassed that your instructor had caught you in a moment of weakness. Or perhaps not weakness; it may have only been vulnerability. In a soft voice, the man spoke to you, asking you what you had dreamed about. Apparently you had been whimpering here and there, and that was what had aroused his curiosity._

_“Kylo Ren.” You said nothing further, speaking only the name of the being you were training to kill. Earlier you had watched bodies being collected on his behalf. What did he do with those bodies, you passively wondered. Your subconscious had clung onto such thoughts._

_Ip did not question you further, and so you never told him that your nightmare had consisted of being among those bodies. Had never spoken of the horrors, the way your nightmare revolved around Kylo Ren toying with the bodies, cutting them up. Reaching inside of you, playing with your innards. And though you had been a corpse in the dream, you had **felt** him inside of you. Your enemy inside of you, holding you, regarding you through that wretched mask of his._

_In your nightmare he hung the bodies from chains, examined each one, and picked his favorite of the day. Because it was **your** nightmare, it had been your body he had chosen. Running leather clad hands up the length of your body. You were naked in the dream. Bare before him—and then sliced open. His hand inside of you._

_You never spoke of the true nature of your nightmare to anyone; a part of you wondered if Ip, all the same, had somehow known. The man had moved off of his bed and slipped into yours, holding you through the remainder of the night._

When next you opened your eyes, you discovered that your wrists had been freed from their shackles. You rolled onto your side and curled your knees towards the rest of your body. Your hands drew aside the blankets, lifted up your shirt, and roamed along the scar. Because of this, you thought, the First Order had taken away both your past and your future. With a heavy sigh, you lifted one of your hands to your hair. Fingers traced along the clip that was still there. The tooke hair clip. You tapped it twice before replacing your hand on your scar; the clip you left where it was.

Urvno sighed when he arrived in your room. You flicked your gaze towards the doorway, where he lingered. A tray of food was in his hands; bland food, but food all the same. They wanted you to eat something. Your body, you remembered, did not function correctly. It was no wonder, try as you might, you never seemed able to gather enough energy to best Kylo Ren. Sure, you had caught him off guard, however you had always been weaker than you ever remembered being.

“Where is he?” Urvno had taken another step towards you, and yet paused once more when you spoke. “I know he’s aboard the _Finalizer_.” Only one person would affix the tooke hair clip to your head. Yet why had he been limping? Your mind raced with all sorts of possibilities. “You won’t tell me, will you?”

“He is resting. You needn’t know more than that.” The physician crossed the room to your bedside. He lifted up the tray that was attached to one of the bed’s arms, and stabilized it prior to setting the food there. You pushed yourself up into a more comfortable position that also allowed you to reach for the food. Gelatin. You dipped the offered plastic spoon into the food, cutting off a piece from the rest and lifting it up. It wiggled in the air. “You should eat.”

“I sometimes just want to die.”

“And yet you’re a fighter.” He nearly sounded like Ren. Your gaze drifted away from the jiggling food and landed on Urvno’s face. “Try as you might, you’re having a more difficult time fully giving up than most would think.”

“You’re all just keeping me alive for his sake—for your own sake… So he doesn’t kill another physician when I die. I don’t understand why he wants me alive. Like a cat toying with an injured bird.”

“And yet you’re asking after him—as though you want to see him. It would not be wise.”

“Why?” If that were the case, something truly had gone awry for him once more. Kylo Ren _had_ been limping, which meant an injury. What could have possibly injured him to such an extent? Doctor Urvno did not respond to you the way you would have preferred; he merely suggested once more that you take a bite of food. You slipped the spoon full of gelatin into your mouth, your mouth salivating at the bland flavor. Something, it was something. It awoke the rest of your body, which screamed for more nutrients. For you to eat. You dipped your spoon once more into the gelatin, this time taking a larger bite.

The last time you had felt this ravenous, Kylo Ren had fed you, had chewed the meat that he had later placed into your mouth. It struck you as strange, the way your life revolved around him. Training to kill him, having nightmares about him; and now being reliant upon him, _missing_ him when he was not there. Your mind once more recalled that he had been limping. He was injured in some shape or form…and yet he had seen it fit to visit you, to give you the one possession that was truly yours, the hair clip. Grabbing hold of the broth that was in a cup, you began to drink the warm liquid whilst running your fingertips along the tooke hair clip again.

For a man who continuously claimed that sentiment was useless and that he did not care for you, he had a funny way of acting.

_As though he knew I needed comfort…yet he was the one who took everything away from me…_

You lowered the cup back to the tray, picked up your spoon, and resumed eating the gelatin. Kylo Ren always claimed to own you, saying that you were his—at the same time claiming to have no feelings for you. You called to mind the memory—or was it a dream?—of how he had reacted to your death. Your eyes dropped to your stomach. Unable to support life; at risk of sacrificing your own, in which case the child would perish as well. Touching the hair clip again. Something tangible, something of your own. He said he had thought of you when he had purchased the hair clip, and he had never told you why even when you had asked. It was something one would buy for a little girl. A child. As though he had known even then that you would never be able to bear a child of your own. Not that you had been in a position to have a child, and yet…

The crackers made you thirsty, and you happily seized up the water, draining a large portion of it. Urvno returned when you were in the process of devouring the final portion of your meal. The physician visibly relaxed, his shoulders slumping and life coming to his face. You did not miss the sweat that was on his brow when he had entered. So, you thought; something drastic _had_ occurred after all.

“You ate it all…if your stomach is upset, please let me know immediately.” You offered a nod in response. Your mind was sorting through all possibilities. Kylo Ren had returned to the _Finalizer_ , and the man was injured. Obviously Doctor Urvno was one of the individuals in charge of his care. He was stressed, which meant that Kylo Ren was injured worse than you had originally believed, was being temperamental, or both. “Now—“

“Had I been pregnant…when you tested my blood…what would have happened?”

“We had a tentative opening in the schedule for an abortion. Our orders, which have not changed, have always been to keep _you_ alive.” Always in a position where you could be used for information. “Despite the chip, your status is frequently checked even still.”

“Why did you believe I knew? Why would think I would be told?” Urvno opened his mouth, and yet nothing emerged. Not a single syllable. “He’s aboard the ship, right?”

“…Starkiller Base was destroyed.” The words hit you like a ton of bricks. The weapon that had led to your mother’s death had been destroyed. “The Resistance—I half expected that him seeing you would lead to _your_ death.”

“You thought he would kill me…” Why hadn’t he? If he was so irritable that a First Order doctor feared for your health, why had Kylo Ren done you no harm? Why had he instead brought you the tooke hair clip?

A flash of memory.

_“Even when I was younger, it was like that,” you said, wondering exactly how much he had seen when digging in your mind all those times. You had thrown up walls, pointless childhood memories that would amount to nothing for the First Order. You hadn’t thought he would ever remember such seemingly pointless details. “Right now… I sort of feel like that… Like I was flying, but then…now I can’t. And I don’t know how to do it again. I watched my friends die even before I was captured. I knew one day, whether the Resistance won, or I died, or…anything… that one day things would change for me. I don’t think I ever fully planned for it though. I never expected this sort of result. Did…did you ever think things would be like this…for you?”_

_His breathing was so soft. If not for the fact that his eyes were open and still exploring various aspects of your face, you would have believed he had passed out. “No,” he replied. “Not quite like this.”_

_“It scares me,” you stated, feeling as though you had lifted a weight off your chest, only to set it directly on your stomach. Apprehension bubbled within you. Kylo Ren, your captor and the only person you had truly been able to speak with for quite some time—the only person to ever have been so privy to your thoughts, unwelcome or no—shifted his hand onto yours. You wrapped your fingers around his, holding onto him while adjusting your dominate hand into a more comfortable position. You waited for him to say it, to tease you, to ask if the Resistance was intimidated. Kylo Ren did not, which soon had you drawing your body closer to his and resting your forehead against his chest. You allowed your eyes to drift closed, and you eventually lost consciousness holding onto his hand._

The tooke hair clip comforted you, was _your_ tangible object to hold onto. You were his; it dawned on you at last, what it truly meant to be referred to as his fix. “Where is he?” you asked the physician, who tensed up as he had prior to noticing that you had eaten the food he had brought for you. “You think we’ll be at each other’s throats… That we’ll injure one another… No…you think he’ll be blinded by rage and hurt me—maybe even kill me, and then it will be you and the other physicians who suffer. I want him to lose. I’m with the Resistance…but… My plans aren’t going as I expected them to when I had joined the splinter cell. And obviously there has been a kink in the chain for the First Order as well. I want to see him.”

“I cannot allow that.” As he spoke, the man walked closer to the bed. He cleared away the emptied plate, folded down the tray back to its position on the side of the bed, and turned back to you. You did nothing to protest his binding your wrists back to the railings of the bed. A catheter, you reminded yourself, when he walked away without asking if you needed to use the toilet.

 _Fuck,_ you thought, scowling up at the ceiling. This man who had taken away everything from you, and you wanted to see him. Not even to gloat about the fact that Starkiller had been destroyed; though perhaps that attack would be better served if delivered against General Hux. The man, you reminded yourself, who had likely been in charge of Starkiller. The man who had ordered the weapon to be fired, to murder your mother. With Kylo Ren, you simply wanted to ask him once more: why? The man who was supposed to be your enemy, who was supposed to be _using_ you—and again he had comforted you. Injured, to the point that Urvno feared putting you near him, and he had apparently snuck into your room to give you that single object that you owned. Why?

He claimed to hold no feelings of affection for you, and you were suddenly doubting his word. Actions spoke louder than anything. That he had reacted so violently to your death: you had to mean something to him.

Your heart raced in your chest, excitement and fear both traveling through you. Your _enemy_ , you screamed in your head. A man who recalled memories of your childhood that he had seen when you offered those up in place of Resistance information. Not to hurt you either. He would simply speak with you, or else listen. Remembered your preferred flavor of hot chocolate. Had bought for you one of your favorite childhood books despite having claimed to hate it. Had these actions come from anyone who had not been your enemy, your mind would have immediately formed the conclusion that the individual was attempting to woo you. As it was, you had constantly convinced yourself that he was being manipulative.

_He is consistently denying to himself that he cares for me… Why should he care?_

You could not say that he did not know you, because clearly he did. Quite adept at predicting your moods, your reactions. He knew you well enough to attack you verbally in a way that was hurtful.

Wiggling your fingers, you half-wished you could once more touch the tooke clip that was in your hair. How strange that it comforted you. A gift from your enemy—and it made you feel as though everything would be fine. Your father had died. Your mother was murdered by the First Order. Your body was broken in so many ways. All your hope had seemed to have disappeared. Somehow it was revived by this small gesture.

But what were you hoping for?

_“No,” he replied. “Not quite like this.”_

It was not anything you had ever expected either. To not know what you were hoping for. To be given comfort by your enemy.

Your nightmare in which he had hung you from a chain and played with your innards. It felt as though that the chain of fear that had developed within you had at last snapped. You were dangling loose. Feet kicking helplessly back and forth, like a child trying to get a swing to move. A pendulum swinging back and forth, counting time. Time in which you were alone.

Those footsteps, that limp. You kept your eyes up on the ceiling and closed them when the individual threatened to step into your line of view. Your lips parted, and you waited. Fingers touching the hair clip. The feeling of being watched; he was staring down at you, this you knew. Just as you were aware that he was under no misconception; he knew you were conscious.

“I’m so alone,” you whispered when he did not remove his hand from near your head. The limb’s twin undid the bindings on your wrists. The man was slow in his movements. Injured, you reminded yourself. You rolled onto your side, making room for him so that he did not have to exert himself by shifting your body. He climbed onto the hospital bed behind you, spooning with you and grunting as though in pain. “Blood is supposed to be thicker than water—nothing blood related to me anymore. I’m so alone.”

He curled an arm around your body, breathing and not saying a single word to you. His hand shifted down to your covered scar.

“You’re injured?” you asked quietly. Another grunt, this one in affirmation. “How?”

“Lightsaber wounds.” Your mouth opened, lips parting and no words leaving you. “Bowcaster wound.”

“Where?”

Rather than respond to you verbally, Kylo Ren moved onto his knees, straddling your body. You could tell it took much effort for him to execute these moves that would otherwise be so simple. The sound of clothing being drawn aside. Bandages being unwound. You wondered how much bacta had been applied to his injuries. They would not look as ugly as they had when he had received them. The man above you released a heavy breath before uttering out the single word: “Look.”

You blinked open your eyes. Coldness gripped at you. The injury to his abdomen—the bowcaster wound. He had been shot. How had he even walked after such an injury? The many lightsaber slashes. His arm namely. And his face. Already the wounds were thinning, healing. You wondered if, in time, bacta would elminate the wound completely. If perhaps there would be no scar. Somehow you doubted it. Even if it became hardly visible, it would never disappear completely.

“It hurts.” He blinked down at you when you said that, referring to your memories of your own injuries by _his_ blade. “Did it, for you?”

“Yes, tooke.” There was something so…broken in him. This was not the man who had captured you. You could not quite put your finger on it; and it could not only be due to him having lost a battle, having been scarred, having lost Starkiller. There was something else. You were too afraid to ask.

“She died.” He dipped his chin in a nod, unable to tear his eyes away from you. “I would have as well…had I not joined the Resistance.” His eyelids descended halfway and his lips parted. “When I had died… I don’t know if it’s a real memory or not…but I was with my father.” He tensed at the final word. Father. You hesitated to say anything further, all words dying on your tongue. There was something in his gaze, the way his pupils had dilated. You felt a cold sweat breaking out. Felt the hairs on the back of your neck starting to stand on end.

_I see a mirror in your eyes,  
Both of us wondering—which of us dies?  
But here we continue to live.  
I thought you’d take; instead you give._


	23. TWENTY-THREE

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Twenty-Three: To Be Drained by Devotion

_“This New Republic is young,” your father told you when for the umpteenth time you asked him why it was your mother had to work so late. “It needs steady hands to help build it. Strong hands to protect it. Patient hands to nurture it. Think of it like a sibling.”_

_“I want a different sibling,” you had stated obstinately._

You flinched as he lurched forward, his hands landing on either side of your head on the bed. “You’re proud, aren’t you? That the Resistance managed to destroy Starkiller—it was without you. How unnecessary you are to them.” You trembled at his words, feeling emotions surging through your chest, the pressure that threatened to choke you. “Replaceable… Everyone is replaceable, tooke. _You_ are replaceable.” His lips twisted into a cruel mockery of a smile. “Trembling—are you scared, tooke? Is the Resistance _intimidated_?”

You reached up to your hair, his eyes on your every move as you undid the clip. You then lifted your arm, sighing whilst slipping the tooke hair clip into his locks. Above you, Kylo Ren’s shoulders heaved. There was something of an injured animal in the wild look his eyes held. You then dropped your hand to your chest. Blinked twice, watching him. He tried to remain still, and yet the anxiousness he was feeling showed well through his façade. The twitch of muscles. His jaw tensing. Eyes frantically searching your face.

“You can keep it, Ren…and give it to my replacement.” You were tired, your exhaustion displayed well through the passivity with which you spoke.

Kylo Ren wrinkled his nose, his brow furrowed as though he did not know how to respond. You sighed again. Waited for him to give into his anger fully. To hurt you—or break something within the room. Instead he averted his gaze. His shoulders continued to heave. In stark contrast to the norm, _you_ were the passive individual and Kylo Ren was _emotional_. Though he would not allow those emotions to show completely. He was trying to stomp down on them. Using anger to kill—it was sorrow, you realized. Frustration. He did not know why he was upset, which had you curious as to what could render this man in such a vulnerable state.

Your mind started to take note of all the breakable items in the room. Ren’s mouth was in a constant state of motion; or, more precisely, his jaw. He nearly pouted, though at the last second he instead frowned. The man shifted his left leg, careful so as to not jar the injury on his side from the bowcaster. He settled down beside you, laying his head upon your chest. Your scowl deepened. This was not the result you had expected. You were _tired_ of him. You wanted him to throw a tantrum and storm out of the room! The man had had the nerve to call you replaceable yet again, had mocked you, the Resistance—everything you stood for. And for what? Because you had commented on _your_ father?

It had not been an invitation for him to cuddle against you; and yet Ren proved once more than he cared nothing for your wishes.

His breathing did not take long to relax. You could feel his body slumping further against yours as he lost consciousness. It struck you once more: he had sought you out for comfort. You were his tangible object. Rolling your eyes, you wished for all the galaxies that he had chosen someone or something else. You had nothing of your own, and here you were expected to give _yourself_ to him. How laughable. On that note, you dipped your chin to take in his slumbering form. He was lying on his right side, the left being injured. It was on the left side of his head that you had slipped the tooke hair clip, and thus it was exposed. He had not done a single thing to remove it. Kylo Ren, wearing a tooke hair clip.

_Father…father…Han Solo… General Organa is the leader of the Resistance—did Han Solo… I shouldn’t even care, not after everything he’s done._

And yet he had seen fit to bring you a small token of affection in a way, that single possession of yours. Comfort.

_I’m so damn tired… I can’t do this… I have nothing—what the hell does he even want from me? His fucking fix… This is such bantha fodder._

“Just replace me already,” you muttered, placing a hand on his upper back. The man murmured your name, and you felt your heart stutter. So, you thought, he had not completely lost consciousness after all. Kylo Ren bunched up part of your shirt with his hand, clasping onto the material. He had once more tensed. Perhaps in pain, or perhaps because he was not dealing well with whatever emotional turmoil he was experiencing. A stream of air escaped through your nostrils. “You say it so often. So just do it already.”

“You replace my body with his.”

“His? Hux? You mean the man who ordered my mother’s execution? How…tactless of you.” You felt as though your throat were constricting again. You ran your tongue over your lips then bit down on your lower lip and shook your head. “Why are you even keeping me around? Just replace me already.” The hand loosened around your shirt, fingertips digging further into the material, tugging up more into a fist. “Go get in someone else’s bed…leave me alone.”

The man did not budge. You at last gave up, knowing that it would do no good to continue to push. He would not be leaving your side—for how long exactly, you were not entirely certain. Kylo said nothing further either. He kept his cheek rested on your chest, and at some point you fell asleep with him there. The Force user was there still when you stirred. You hummed to yourself as you peed, feeling rather awkward despite the catheter and also despite the fact that this was not your first time peeing with him around. You drifted off again afterwards.

What caused both you and Kylo Ren to awaken next was an exclamation of surprise. You both looked towards the door, where Doctor Urvno stood. The man’s face was drained of color, and he stuttered out an apology to Ren. His gaze darted between your face and Kylo’s. The Force user pushed himself up into a sitting position, wincing then pausing every few seconds. He was likely sore, maybe even stiff, you noted as you mimicked his movements. Urvno’s gaze was drawn to the other’s hair. The clip.

“A-ah, sir…I… I will have bacta injections administered…and fresh wrappings brought.” He was at last able to jerk his gaze away from the hair piece. The man shuffled out of the room, likely doing exactly what he said he would.

The silence that surrounded the two of you was, surprisingly, rather comfortable. Kylo Ren was making no move to press for any sort of affection or intimacy, any sort of physical contact aside from him sitting beside you. You glanced towards the man’s bowcaster injury. You wondered once more how he had managed to survive the wound, how he could be walking—limping, you corrected yourself, so soon after receiving it. You had never before realized quite how determined the man was.

 _This is who I’ve been up against,_ you thought, a swirling sensation at the base of your neck. _And my body… He has me at such a disadvantage. I need to defeat him, but how? How long will it take?_

“Why don’t you remove the tooke clip?” you asked, breaking the silence at last.

“You wish to be replaced…”

“I am…beyond tired, Ren.” You sighed heavily, allowed your eyelids to drift closed, and took a moment to gather all your thoughts. “I’m not…giving up, not exactly. But… I just… I really do have nothing.”

You did not expect him to answer, and thus you were unsurprised when he said nothing. Doctor Urvno reentered the room, the supplies in his hand. Kylo Ren obediently followed each of the physician’s directions as the man administered the bacta injections and redressed the Force user’s injuries. You observed your captor with vague interest. It still felt as though there was a light buzzing in the back of your mind, something telling you that none of this was real; it couldn’t be, if it meant everything you cared for was gone.

When Ren had been attended to, the Master of the Knights of Ren rose from the bed. “See to it that she is placed in my quarters before the cycle has ended.” Urvno stiffened, his gaze darting to you. You could read the expression clearly; he did not want you near Kylo Ren in this way. The man was not stable, unpredictable in the best of times. At long last did he remove the hair clip, which he slipped into your hand. “Don’t be foolish, tooke.”

You stared at his back as he limped out of the room. Only when you were alone with Urvno did the physician at last turn to you and begin doing as he had been commanded. You were grateful when the catheter was removed, though the process was rather uncomfortable. You were given time to shower and groom yourself before gloves were placed on your hands, caps on your teeth—anything to prevent you from harming yourself. You did not protest, having no desire to give them any reason to further your restraints.

Kylo Ren’s quarters were just as bleak as you remembered. Cold. Lonely. Simplistic and impersonal. You climbed onto the bed, cupped the hair clip to your chest, and laid your head upon the pillow. It had his scent. Which meant, your mind supplied, he had limped all the way from this room to medbay in order to give you the clip, in order to comfort you in his own way.

 _And yet I’m replaceable,_ you thought whilst rolling your eyes. Everyone could be replaceable in a way. Some, however, were a lot more difficult to replace. You wondered if you fit into that category for Ren. You were his fix, one that could not be easily replicated. Which was why he did not want you to die. His bark was, perhaps, worse than his bite when it came to you.

You slipped the tooke hair clip into your hair, snapping it into place. You fell asleep wearing it.

Kylo Ren woke you when he entered his quarters. He stripped down to his underwear, his bandages covering another good portion of his body, and climbed onto the bed with you. You grunted when his hand covered yours, something pressing against the glove you were wearing. His limb then returned to his side, and the man relaxed beside you. You opened your hand and stared down. A small child’s game. Electronic pet. A tooke, you noted as you began to press the buttons.

The little tooke on the screen ate the food you gave to it. Which reminded your own body that it was hungry. You shifted uncomfortably, also aware that you needed to use the refresher. You continued to hold onto the small game as you entered the bathroom. You set it down only as long as necessary, walking out and climbing back onto the bed beside him. Ren grunted as the mattress shifted under your movements.

“I had one of these…when I was younger… My mother bought it for me.” Again, no response. You looked at the man, finding that he had his eyes open and was watching you. 

_He knew… It was one of my memories that he saw…_

“You said you don’t want me shattered… What do you even mean by that?” Those brown eyes staring up at you. That expression again, the hint that something was not quite right. You recalled how he had reacted to the word _father_. “Was it the idea that I was dead, or was it who I said I was with?”

“Tooke…” His chest rose and fell heavily. “…I killed him.”

“Ben?” you asked quietly.

A sardonic smile, a snort. “Han Solo.” You felt a lump form in your throat. Though you had never met the man, Han Solo had been one of your heroes in a way. He had assisted in the Rebellion. His wife was Leia, for stars’ sake! And his son had killed him. The game dropped out of your hand. “Why should you care—a man you never met?” He grimaced as he pushed himself up. “You have your own to mourn. Why worry about a man you never knew? He would have disappointed you, tooke.”

“That’s a cruel thing to say,” you whispered, watching him and holding back a comment on the _hurt_ you identified in his expression. That’s what it was. He was hurting. This man had killed his own father… You could not imagine doing something so cruel, so _evil_. On opposite sides of the war, you reminded yourself. “He was my ally, in a way.”

“Do you take each of their deaths so personally?”

“Maybe.” His eyes had widened when he spoke, and now he shifted closer to you. You felt your entire body tensing, shuddering when he rested his forehead against your sternum. “You aren’t able to replace me like you say, are you? Not that easily…”

“No, tooke…not that easily.” It felt like a punch to the gut, that he admitted to this. You felt air escape you, and it took you a few moments before you replenished that supply. “The Resistance found you easy to replace…”

As though he were arguing that he was better than the Resistance. That he cared about you. Your enemy—it made your head feel as though it were spinning. He scooped up the game, pressing it into your hands again. You cupped the small device. Your mind was on the memory—dream?—of when you were standing beside your father. Watching as Kylo Ren reacted so violently to your death. So passionately. This man who had killed his own father, and he had been unable to accept your life’s end. Had not allowed it, in fact.

“When I was with my father”—he tensed at the word—“it was like I could see you… When you were angry that I died… He told me that I needed to go back. I wasn’t allowed to stay with him.” You could hear the moment he opened his mouth. No words came out, yet his hot breath washed over you. Your thumbs ran along the game in your hands. Gloves preventing you from feeling the plastic-metal casing. “I don’t know if it’s a real memory… It hurt so much—being torn away from him like that, it _hurt_. I don’t remember death itself, dying I mean… I don’t remember it or the pain, but…”

“You’re _mine_ , tooke,” he said through clenched teeth. His hands found your hips, fingers digging into you. You winced, hissing at the pain.

“I’m _not_ ,” you growled back, your entire frame shaking as you hiccupped a half-second later. A swooping motion had you gulping in air as Kylo Ren jerked your body under his simultaneous to adjusting his posture so that you slipped between his legs. You regained your breath while he settled atop you, his hands pulling down your bottoms. “So you’re going to rape me to try to prove a point?” Again did he freeze, much as he had when you had tucked the tooke hair clip into his hair. He blinked at you, his eyes wide for a few seconds longer until he started to calm himself. _Unpredictable… Yet somehow he’s more gentle… Why?_ “You can use my body for comfort,” you said, thinking of how he had done the same for you, “but don’t be so hurtful—in your actions or words. Stop…just… I’m so _tired_ , Ren.”

“Alright, tooke,” he whispered, resuming stripping himself and you. You eyed his side, noting the way he was wincing every few seconds. Perhaps he had torn open the wound once more. Rather than enter you immediately as you had expected, he slipped down your body and began kissing at you. You closed your eyes, feeling what he was doing to you. You hooked your legs over his shoulders, arched your back, and moaned as his tongue parted your slit, tracing along your labia then swirling against your clitoris. You clutched the small game in one hand, using the other to run your fingers through his hair, to grab at him as you bucked your hips, trying to get him to fuck you with his tongue. “Patience.” His breath was so warm against you as he spoke.

“Mm…Kriff!” He was going so agonizingly slow, much as he had that day he had you pinned while he watched the interrogation. Rather than continue, he began kissing, licking, and nipping a trail up the length of your body, his mouth soon sealing over yours. You responded immediately, wrapping your legs around him. “Ah! Fuck! Nnn, fuck.” You were shuddering, trying to ignore that there was a rather distinguishable wetness on your stomach from where he was bleeding on you. “You’re going to…nn. Ren, you—mm.” He collapsed atop you when he ejaculated, the man unable to support his own weight. “Kriff…you’re…fucking…heavy.”

Kylo Ren curled his body around yours, resting his head atop your chest as he had on the hospital bed. This time, however, you found that your feelings towards him were slightly less bitter. You were, nonetheless, thankful when he managed to shift so that his full weight was not on you. You balled up his bedsheets and pressed them to his side, commenting that he should seek treatment. A humorless chuckle, him commenting that it was not as though you truly cared—and you maneuvered yourself so that you could peer down at his face; it was an uncomfortable position for your neck, and yet you could not stop yourself.

“Perhaps not completely, Ren,” you admitted. “And yet…a little bit… I care a little.” He was the only person you had left with whom you had any sort of deep bond, born out of hatred though it had been. His mouth twitched, and the man reached out an arm. His commlink flew from his bedside table into his outstretched hand. You remained quiet while he called for a nursedroid. He would be bandaging himself, you noted. “My relationship with my father was different… I…miss him. And I miss my mother… I don’t… My last contact with her was…” You brushed underneath your eyes in order to wipe away your tears. “She thought I didn’t care that my father was dead. That’s not fair.” Through all this, the Force user said not a single word.

The nursedroid entered the quarters, and it was only then that Kylo Ren pulled away from you. You drew the child’s game towards your face, playing a small mini-game with the tooke. Nostalgia tugged at you, and you thought once more of your childhood, of sitting between your parents as you, while a child, had played such a game. Kylo Ren tended to his wound, re-bandaging himself. He then sent the droid away, walked into the refresher, and returned within a few minutes. You set down the device.

“My body is shattered.”

“No. It’s mending, tooke.”

“It will never be the same.” A smile threatened to form on his face, yet instead he settled for smirking. “Worse than a typical injury… I hadn’t even realized…even after I died… I didn’t understand the full extent…”

“I have told you countless times, tooke—how much you impress me.”

“By surviving?”

“Yes.” You nodded, bobbing your head and staring straight forward without truly seeing anything. “Your will to survive…though you would sacrifice your life for a cause…not many would find the strength…continuously, as you have.”

“It’s…exhausting.” His jaw twitched, his lips working against one another though he said nothing. Perhaps he was fighting back emotions. Sentiment was a weakness, you recalled him saying on more than a single occasion. “Are you tired?” Kylo Ren narrowed his eyes at your inquiry. Your lips quirked up into a small smile and air puffed out from your nostrils in a light laugh. “Rest allows the body to heal.”

“You’re openly seeking my company.”

“Maybe I am,” you said, unsure if this were so while at the same time concluding that it was quite likely. “You brought me…comfort. You’re injured, and yet… It’s not a _quick_ stroll to medbay from here. I do…appreciate…what you did for me.”

“I have no need for comfort, tooke.” His eyes bespoke his lie, and yet you knew better than to argue.

Instead you pulled some of his blankets over your naked body. “Maybe _I_ still need to be comforted.” A completely true statement. You felt waves of numbness and pain rolling through your mind in succession as they had been since you had known your mother would die. They had, naturally, worsened at the news Doctor Urvno had shared with you. “I feel so alone…and you’re the only one who… Maybe on a small level you do care.”

“About you?”

“Something like that.” He had taken a tentative step towards the bed. “I’m pretty sure the understanding is that I’m supposed to be your fix.” Two steps more. He was so close to you. Had you wanted, you could have reached out and touched him. You, however, did not. He needed to come of his own accord. “You’re not as merciless…as monstrous…as I had always believed. There’s something so…human about you… Even if you do not allow yourself to entertain such emotions, you understand mine, don’t you? Sentimentality. Grief. You brought something to comfort me… I honestly don’t know why you would show me such mercy when I’ve tried so hard to kill you every chance I’ve gotten.”

Kylo Ren at last moved back onto the bed with you. He lifted the blanket long enough to climb underneath, and then pressed his body against yours. You altered your position so that you were lying on the other side of him, spooning with him in a way that he was able to lay on his uninjured side. His arm was wrapped around you, and you placed your hand atop his. You glanced at the tattoo on your finger.

“Goodnight, Ren.”

Once more no words. He hooked his face against your neck, and you could both hear and feel him breathing in your scent. Something familiar. It was relatable for you, how he was acting. You had done the same to him countless times when seeking out something to cling to, something familiar, something for comfort.

 _So…stubborn…_ you thought, calling to mind his reluctance to admit to—complete denial over needing to be comforted. On some level, killing his father had, unsurprisingly, weakened him. That he seemed almost confused as to why this was baffled you. _How could he ever think it would be right to kill his father? I don’t understand him…_ You clutched his hand, pulling it closer to you, pressing your lips against it. You did what you could to return the favor he had paid by his efforts to comfort you—how many times had he split open his wound doing so, you wondered. _Devoted… He is such a…devoted person… Gives his all for the cause…_ In this, you felt almost a camaraderie. How well you knew the drive. You would give your all to fulfill your duty, one-thousand percent. Your life. Your everything.

For once the idea that you could be anything like Kylo Ren did not repulse you. This was one similarity, though it drove the pair of you to opposite sides of the war, that you could proudly embrace.

_We were cut from the same cloth,  
Then sent to different masters.  
Here we stand before one another—  
Which step in life truly matters?_


	24. TWENTY-FOUR

**Three Blind Tooke  
 _Part One: Resistance is Futile_**  
Chapter Twenty-Four: Futile Resistance :: Precarious Harmony

_All throughout the galaxy,  
He burns all his enemies;  
Their ashes, friends’ ashes—  
Resistance down _

“You should rest.” Kylo Ren’s voice cut through the darkness of the room, and yet you did not look away from the device in your hands. You hummed in acknowledgment, a dismissive noise on your part, and continued to play with the electronic tooke. The man was never shy when it came to ordering you around—although you had noticed that in certain instances, it was him attempting to _help_ you. At least when it came to your health; such a needy man, you thought whilst pressing another button. His head shifted on your lap, the man looking up in the direction of your face as you sat there. You chewed on your bottom lip. “Are you angry, tooke?”

“With you?” you questioned, still refusing to look his way. “Not at the moment. Or…not at anything you’ve done recently. I want to kill General Hux.” It was nothing new, and you half expected Kylo Ren to say as much. Instead he remained silent, which at last drew your attention to him. Those brown orbs were searching your countenance. “I understand that you won’t release me—your Master wouldn’t allow it even if you wished, would he?” His eyelids descended then rose slowly. “A gift to you. That’s what you meant that day, wasn’t it? When you said I was your guest—your master had _given_ me to you. Told you to keep me.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think, especially recently. To go over our entire…relationship? What even is it? I’m a prisoner, Ren. And yet… In your own way, sometimes you seem to forget that. There is a certain level of civility with which you treat me—though this happens in waves. As though you’re fighting it, growing attached to me.”

“Are you claiming that I am sentimental when it comes to you, tooke?”

“I don’t know. Why do you stop when I say ‘no’ at times, or when I mention rape? As though you don’t want me to view you as a monster, as though you do _care_ how I view you.” You switched your gaze back to the game, grooming the tooke. “Sometimes you treat me like a _person_ instead of a prisoner. I’ve seen how you’ve talked to even your allies… How else should I take it?” He did not respond to this, the man opting instead to stare up at you with his brow knitting in what you took to be confusion. “Perhaps your Master will have you kill me as a part of your training. Your fix…”

“You are not a tie to the Light,” Kylo Ren said smoothly, and you were instantly aware that he was not lying to you. “Not in the way you would think. You are a form of passion, which strengthens me.”

“Isn’t that marvelous?” you spat, clutching the little game all the more tightly. “Helping my enemy…strengthening him…”

“Should you escape…should you be set free—you’ll never be free, tooke.” You felt a sob threaten to overtake you, and yet you somehow managed to choke it down. With a shudder, you lowered the device onto the pillow to your right. Your hand abandoned it there at last. “You would benefit your Resistance, of that we can agree. And yet they would never trust you in the way that they had. You’re compromised. In many ways.” You cupped his face between your hands. For a moment, your eyes darted to each of the tattoos, his names. This man, you thought for what seemed like the millionth time, was one to whom you had devoted your life in a way. It had been your mission to kill him or die trying.

“Sometimes, I still think…it would have been better…if you had let me die that day.”

“Are you under the impression that I should apologize?”

“No… In your position… I would have kept the other alive for the purpose of obtaining information. Even if I would have gone about it a different way—I’m not… I guess I tried to believe that no one in the Resistance would ever resort to low tricks, and yet… Maybe they would have. Find the enemy’s weakness and exploit it. For the betterment of…” Your voice trailed off, and you were forced to swallow down some bile. Kylo Ren reached up, his hands overtop yours. “I don’t want to see him ever again. I wouldn’t be able to kill him, but I want to… I want to kill you… It’s the worse feeling in the world, this helplessness.”

“You are aware that General Hux would resort to a number of tactics that _you_ would not…in order to defeat you if you aimed to kill him.”

“It’s because of him… If he had already been planning on destroying the Hosnian system… Back then, when you were using me for your own political agenda—maybe as a distraction while Starkiller underwent its last few adjustments—I could have saved my mother. Somehow. A small mercy. But he’s _merciless_ , isn’t he?” You had already known this, you told yourself. “I had sex with him. More than once. He treated me so… I knew where I stood with him, I did, and yet—it _feels_ personal when to him it isn’t.”

“It is a personal loss, tooke,” Ren whispered, his gaze never leaving your face.

“You’re being…empathetic with me,” you said quietly, your voice nearly a hush. His eyelids descended over those brown orbs for a fraction of a second. “I thought you had said…with an enemy of the First Order…that you wouldn’t be.” His lips pressed together, and for a second time did he blink up at you. “A part of you cares for me—why? I’m just some prisoner—“

“You’re my guest.” You closed your eyes, your chest rising and falling heavily with a sigh. “You _are_ my prisoner, tooke. But you are also my guest.” You started to shake your head. “If you were solely my prisoner, your opinion would never matter to me.” At this, your actions ceased and your lips parted. You reopened your eyes and stared down at him. His face was rather expressive, and you could see no lie in what he had said to you.

“Why do you seem so comfortable, given what I’ve said in regards to wanting to kill you?”

A chuckle. “Tooke… Are you at all familiar with Sith lore?” You shook your head. The Force and all matters therein was not something you had actively studied. “The Rule of Two.” At this you merely knit your brow and attempted to remember something you had never before heard of. Kylo Ren explained it to you calmly. As he spoke, your eyes wandered down to his bandaged abdomen. A bowcaster wound—his innards had not been damaged as yours had by a lightsaber. Not that he was a stranger to the bite of such a weapon; your eyes once more on his face.

“That sounds like a relationship based no paranoia… Yet to train… I don’t understand it.”

A sigh, soft in sound; tired as well. “Your body is wounded. You need to rest, and yet you have not. Always looking to attack… With the rule of two… A sith and the apprentice—there was a time and place for attacking, for going for the kill.”

“Do you want to die, Ren?” He full-on laughed at that. “Always amusing you.”

“Tooke… It keeps me on my guard. When I grew too comfortable, when I did not take into consideration that you still wished to kill me, you nearly succeeded, didn’t you?” You sucked in your bottom lip and chewed on it. “It offers you the opportunity to fulfill your mission—given the circumstances of your health, of your imprisonment, it is your _only_ option if you wish to keep this mission. At the same time, it allows me to test my own abilities.”

“And the sex is—what?”

“A means of getting close to one another. You saw in it a means to attack me. I dropped my guard. For me, it is a form of passion. It strengthens me—this I did tell you.” At the same time, it put him at risk; this he did not say explicitly, though he had more than implied it. You withdrew your hands from his face, from his grasp, and placed those limbs over your own countenance.

Kylo Ren shifted so that he was no longer on your lap. You watched his expression twist into a grimace. His side was healing, and though that process was speeded by the bacta, there was a long way to go. You had an opportunity to attack him now—you would be unable to kill him though. He could still overpower you. His words ran through your head again. Patience—you were plenty patient when needed. Time to allow your own body to heal. You would be forced to live as both a prisoner and a reluctant guest. It was, you had to admit, superior to the alternative. If you managed to escape, the Resistance would bench you. You would be given such limited moves; more limited than what you had now. How ironic, you thought. Your captor rested on his side, his back to you.

You reached for the electronic device he had previously brought for you. The tooke wanted to be fed and cleaned. You conducted these tasks by pressing buttons. Rest, you told yourself.

“What does the general think of this all?” You snarled when you uttered the title. This man had known he would be the cause of your mother’s demise when he had been using you; and he had told you that it would not be personal. What a load of bantha fodder. Kylo’s response was a string of muttered out words that took you a few seconds to understand. _The general is of no concern. You needn’t worry about him, tooke._ You felt a strange sort of tingling along the base of your neck. “You… Is that why you had me brought to your room?” General Hux would have no contact with you; Kylo Ren would not permit it.

You did not wait for the man to respond. Instead, you moved off the bed and headed into the refresher. You set down the game once more, this time on the bathroom counter, and started to strip out of your clothing. Once naked, you turned on the spray of the shower. You stepped inside, the warmth instantly relaxing you.

This had never been your plan; none of it. Kill Kylo Ren or die trying. Being captured by him had been such a mistake—unless you were able to fulfill your mission. In that way, the man was correct. You picked up the washcloth, lathered it with soap, and began to scrub your body.

It took him much longer than you had expected to enter the refresher. You listened to his every action. The moment he entered the shower with you, you turned around to face Kylo Ren. He stood back from the spray, careful to not irritate his healing injuries. You grabbed up the second washcloth, patting gently around the wounds after dampening the material. He grunted, yet did not protest. It was a dangerous road for the both of you, choosing to trust one another. Knowing that one of you would be the undoing of the other. In a way, given his position, he was being rather generous.

You caught his eye when you glanced upwards. Your hand stilled on his body, the washcloth preventing your flesh from touching his. There it was again his gaze; he was _hurting_ on an emotional level. Self-inflicted. In a way, you had abandoned your parents as well. You had not done them any harm—at least not where you could prevent it; the time in which you had been controlled, you did not count.

 _Such a fool. He truly is his own worst enemy._ Your eyes dropped down to your stomach. There were a number of ways you had made it to where your body had not healed as well as it could have. By resisting him a few of those instances instead of biding your time, you had increased the internal damage. _We are both our own worst enemies…_

You rested your forehead against his chest, the water cascading down your back. “A dangerous game, Ren.”

“We have been playing it all along, tooke.” You conceded this point, stepping closer to erase the distance that was between your body and his. He flinched at the contact, his muscles tensing when you brushed against his injuries. You shifted your stance to lessen his discomfort. Kylo Ren set a hand upon your hip to still you. “You are mine.”

“In the same way that _you_ are mine?” you asked. Enemies. Rivals. The Rule of Two ran through your head, the way he had explained it to you. An unspoken agreement that either of you would kill the other. At the same time, the knowledge that you would live together in a precarious harmony.

The fingers of the hand that was on you twitched at your inquiry. “Yes. I suppose that would be accurate, tooke.” You wrapped an arm loosely around him, the washcloth slipping from your grasp though it remained pinned between your body and his, squished there.

You were in a prime position to not only attempt to kill Kylo Ren, but General Hux and the Force user’s master as well. Granted, you would need to discover the weaknesses of the others. You were not going to look a gift nerf in the mouth, however. You would take what you could get, serve the Resistance in the only way that you could—because Kylo Ren was correct in saying that you would not be allowed to do so if ever you returned to a Resistance base. You wondered what Ren’s Master was in terms of his connection to the First Order.

Kylo Ren shifted his body away from yours, rounding you so that the spray could meet his body in full. In your peripheral you were able to see him wince at the contact. In truth, though, he reacted far less violently than most would in his position. With wounds like he had, the majority of the people you knew would be bedridden. At that, your mind drifted to your own wound. Most people would be dead. That was why you intrigued Ren; in the same way he was currently preoccupying your thoughts.

A worthy opponent, you noted as you twisted around so that you were able to observe him washing himself. The manner in which he was holding himself suggested a defensive posture. He was waiting for you to attack him, ready in case you were so foolish. A wry grin formed on your lips. You wished you would have come to this conclusion sooner; how much time you could have saved, and how much better your body would have been able to heal itself. As it was, you would have to rediscover your own limitations. Form new strengths.

“You will be training with your Master, correct?” you asked, tilting your head to the side and beginning to develop the urge to once more step under the warm spray. Kylo Ren uttered out an affirmation. _I can train myself when I am alone. Slowly work up to where I will be able to overpower him. Which won’t be easy…he’ll also be doing the same._ “Knowing that my plan is to one day try to kill you—are you going to limit my diet?”

“Had I in the past?” he replied smoothly. You set a hand against your scar, your attention on your stomach. Whenever you had asked or else bargained for it, you had been given the nutrients you needed. “It is proper training for me as well, tooke. So long as you are not foolish as you had been, your diet will steadily be comprised of other foods you have been denied. Only as much as your body can handle—what purpose do I have, facing such an enemy, one who weakens herself.” You could hear the amused smirk he was likely wearing in the way that he spoke.

“Are you going to force me to pay you with sexual favors?” you asked, your question plenty fair in your own mind. “Turn me into a whore as much as your enemy?”

“We’re past that point, tooke.”

“Then that had been a means of breaking me down.” Kylo Ren hummed, the sound giving you a positive answer. You ran your tongue along your lips, stepped forward, and pressed up against him as a means of having access to the warm water once more. The man stepped forward a single step to allow you more room, and you immediately took advantage of that extra space. “I suppose you did win that battle against me then.”

“I won _numerous_ battles against you, tooke.” Your eyes swept up his back to his head. “You are one of the few to have influenced my strength—you increased it.”

“And that’s why you mocked my fallen comrades? Because they were _nothing_ to you?” Your mind wandered—perhaps Ren answered you, perhaps he didn’t. Your own words implied that you meant _something_ to him. Once more you had to accept that fact. To understand that this man was plenty capable of killing those who meant things to him; he had killed his own father. “I won’t let you defeat me this time, Ren.”

“I look forward to it—this new battle.” He turned, capturing both of your wrists in a single hand and yanking them towards his chest. Your head snapped back, your eyes meeting his as he stared down at you. “There is no Resistance. Just you—alone. Tell me, tooke: are you intimidated?”

Your lips parted. There was no Resistance. Staring at him, it took you several moments before at last you were able to utter out a response:

“ _I_ won’t be intimated by you.”

_Life is like a poem  
With no reason or rhyme;  
And sometimes it just  
…ends_


	25. TWENTY-FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been putting off writing/continuing this fic for a while now for a few reasons. The first being that, while I had a few pre-written chapters, I wanted to see how TLJ would feel. I didn't know if I would want to completely diverge from canon with it or not. I then had to spend a few days digesting TLJ. It's a flawed film, but it does provide a lot, and I believe episode 9 will highlight TLJ's worth.
> 
> Another reason I was delaying was that the start of this fic was me coping with a lot in my life including health issues. As you who follow me on instagram know, those have only gotten worse. Working on this fic is thus more emotional in ways. But I do need it. This fic and PCP are the ones that help me deal with life, and I thank you all for sharing the journey with me. The updates may be sporadic, but they will occur.
> 
> I plan to upload what I had pre-written already so expect a few quick updates before things slow. The first few chapters of part 2 will have minimal if any TLJ spoilers. But after that I advise you to NOT read unless you have seen TLJ.

_I_ _n the long pauses before death, we seek solitude in the silence._

_There are no poems, no words at all for us to hear._

_Merely a look that ties us all together until at last it is gone._

_Be careful not to blink, for those long pauses are fleeting moments._

 

 

**Three Blind Tooke**

_**Part Two: Precarious Harmony** _

Chapter Twenty-Five: The Entangled Strings of Twin Puppets

 

You had spent years training with the Resistance in order to deliver a kill shot to one of the New Republic’s most formidable foes: Kylo Ren. He was an enemy the New Republic had been oblivious to, much in the same way they had denied the threat posed by the First Order. That had, ultimately, been their undoing; Starkiller Base, prior to its destruction, had obliterated the entire Hosnian System, the Galactic Senate along with it. Your mother had perished that day. Your father had already passed away during the time you had been absent, though this you had not learned until after you had been taken captive by Kylo Ren. Your body was not the same after the attack that had nearly left you dead; the lightsaber wound had compromised your body. And so now you were to retrain yourself—both physically and emotionally—in order to discover a new means of killing the man that was your captor—your host.

 

It was ironic, that you were in some twisted way the guest of someone who had imprisoned you. Had done unspeakable things to you—all in order to break you down. The horrors of war were something that not all could understand. The sights that were faced by those at the forefront. The acts committed, all said to be for the sake of the greater good. Each side had its own idea as to what that greater good would be. There were always those torn in the middle. People so conflicted over their morals that they were ripped apart—at times, solely figuratively, while other times a literal instance of this would occur. It was not only the acts or words of the leaders of either side that led to this. For example, General Leia was the mother of Kylo Ren. The man who had formerly been Ben Solo; a fact you had learned only after being made his prisoner. You had been trained to kill him, all the while your general had not wished this. Splinter cells. Every piece working to do what they believed would help the cause.

 

Ultimately hurting one another. It had broken you completely in ways—to find that you could have compassion for an enemy…empathy. You despised his methods though you understood where they came from.

 

Both a prisoner and a guest of the Master of the Knights of Ren, you were presently alone in his living quarters. The door was locked, this you well knew, and yet it was not to keep you in. No, it was locked in order to keep out a specific individual.

 

You had heard much of the First Order’s General Hux prior to meeting the man. When you had spoken with him, you had eventually admitted your respect for him—as a leader, though his ideals were anything but those held by you. You despised what he stood for, and yet… It was with revulsion that you had to admit to yourself yet again that you had allowed the man to touch you, to have sex with you, and on more than one occasion. That he was your enemy was of no consequence; that did not toke the fires of your anger. It was that he had ordered the destruction of the Hosnian system, had essentially ordered your mother’s death—you had had sex with your mother’s killer.

 

When at last you finished with Kylo Ren, when you were able to kill the man who had stolen your freedom, you would deal with the redhead. You executed another four sit-ups then allowed yourself to lie down to relax. Your stamina was lacking. All the while Kylo Ren was healing from his injuries; his training with his Master would begin within mere days.

 

 _Patience._  It was a mantra that was repeated in your head six times before you thought to yourself: _the Rule of Two._  This was what Ren had equated your arrangement with him to. He well knew that your intentions were to become stronger and kill him. All the while he used this as a means to strengthen himself. A façade of harmony.

 

The two of you.

 

He wanted to be the center of your world, as he had been for so long. General Hux would be a distraction, his very presence a threat to that rule of two. You grit your teeth and started to raise your torso. Another set of four sit-ups. It was taking its toll on your body, which was out of shape. Sweat dripped down your back. General Hux could not be your focus as much as Kylo Ren. That would render you sloppy, as you had been in the past. Focusing on too much at once. Not being patient.

 

 _There is no Resistance_ , you said in your head. The members of the Resistance would bench you if they could; take what information you were able to provide, yet allow you to assist no further.

 

In a way, you understood why this would be. It was not only your body that was compromised. You remained steadfast in your loyalties. Still, you could not deny that empathy. That compassion. Understanding your enemy and knowing that there were certain aspects of him that you could… You broke off that thought, afraid of it. Such a terrifying thing, learning that you could hate a number of individuals for what they did…yet care for specific members of that establishment as well.

 

 _Why did you kill my comrades?_ you wanted to ask despite knowing the answer. The sting would never fade. You would always sit there, shell-shocked in the face of the outcome.

 

You were now acting on your own. It would benefit the Resistance, the galaxy, and yet you were no longer under the rules that had governed your actions in the past. The rules of the New Republic itself. _But fuck if my body isn’t resisting me..._

 

You collapsed onto your back again. Tears of frustration stung your eyes. You had known ahead of time that it would take more than a single exercise session to get to where you needed to be. New limits. New rules. Finding a way to balance your loyalties and your heart.

 

_The Rule of Two._

 

Panting, you listened passively to a quiet beeping that was coming from the device beside your head. The electronic tooke pet Kylo Ren had provided you as a form of entertainment. You reached to the side, lifted the device, and played a small game with the tooke. Your heart took a few moments longer to return to a normal pace. You felt utterly drained of energy, which caused your frown to spread further. You fed the electronic pet, set down the device, and placed both your hands atop your stomach, one above the other.

 

“You can do this,” you said to yourself. “Just relax. Patience…patience…”

 

Stars, you thought, you had been in isolation for part of your training as well as while imprisoned. With nothing to do. Biding your time. That had been before you had learned of your father’s demise. Before your mother had been murdered by the actions of the First Order.

 

A beeping drew you out of your thoughts. You rolled up into a sitting position as Kylo Ren was putting in the code to enter his quarters. And then you were on your feet when the doors opened—and you felt your stomach drop. The nozzle of a blaster was pointed your way. _Not Ren._  In the place of one monster was another. You lifted your hands into the air to show that you were surrendering—temporarily. A shiver caused your teeth to chatter together. The sweat that had poured from your body during your exercises now assisted in making you too cold.

 

You glowered at the man holding onto the blaster that was pointed in your direction. “As if I could not get any code that has to do with  _my_ ship, tooka,” General Hux said through his snarl. You kept your hands raised in the air for half a second longer before slowly lowering your limbs. Your eyes darted away from his face to the blaster. He seemed to want you alive, which meant it would be set to stun rather than kill. Even if you managed to wrest the weapon out of his grasp, it would do you no good; you recalled that it was encrypted to work only with his fingerprints. The redhead tilted his head back and stared down the length of his nose at you. “You will come out of this room now.”

 

“You’re…taking me hostage?” you asked mockingly. As if you were a free woman to begin with. You snorted at the thought.

 

“You may relax if you believe it is my intention to rape you,” he said evenly. You barked out a bitter laugh at that.

 

“No, General. You do far worse than that, don’t you?” The corner of his mouth twitched, however his expression did not twist away from the frown that was plastered there. You took a step forward towards the open door of Ren’s quarters. The moment you left the sanctity of this room, the moment you were truly taken into custody by the general of the First Order instead of the Master of the Knights of Ren—that would change the game once more. There would be no Rule of Two. There would be three of you once more at that point.

 

A fresh wave of sweat began to form, beading on your flesh. This time it was from apprehension rather than exertion. Forced upon you instead of self-induced. You began to slide one foot backwards only to pause in your movements. General Hux had quirked a brow, challenging you with that expression.

 

“Are you content with being a small tooke then?” You narrowed your eyes while you watched him, more suspicion welling up inside of you. “A tooka, at least, has claws and teeth.”

 

“A tooke can defeat a rancor.”

 

“If the rancor first consumes it. Toxic… If you plan on eliminating me as well—and I am certain you are—you won’t be so reckless.”

 

 _Kriff,_  you thought as your heart fluttered in your chest. _Kriff…he has a point. Or is he just that eloquent? So deceptive?_

 

“You haven’t a choice when it comes down to it. I plan on taking you, whether you’re stunned and I am dragging you, or be it by you walking out of there.” Aware that it would do your compromised body excessive harm, and thus damper your plans, to even be stunned, you slid your foot forward this time. Then, lifting the limb, you took the first step towards the redhead. He said nothing, his face not betraying anything either. The man was observing you as he had so often in the past. Calculating. He knew better than to underestimate you.

 

You entered the hallway, fully exiting the quarters of Kylo Ren, and the door closed behind you. By then your heart was starting to race again. What sort of sick game were you being thrust into now? This was where General Hux was the player. Perhaps you were only his pawn, as you had been in the past. He waited until you were in front of him then gestured that you keep walking. The gun was pointed at your back.

 

You had at long last accepted Ren’s suggestion that you were, in some twisted way, his guest—and now you were being stolen away. Another hitch in your plans. No matter, you told yourself; you would adapt to the situation, as you had been forced to do ever since your capture.

 

“Did it thrill you, knowing that you were ordering my mother’s death?” you asked when the pair of you turned down the second hallway. You were not entirely certain where it was he was taking you. This was not the way to the general’s quarters; you had been there enough times to know better. General Hux did not respond to your inquiry, which caused your face to grow hot in frustration. Anger welled up inside of you. Knowing better than to unleash your rage, knowing that he had the upper hand and would simply shoot you there, you addressed him in a different fashion. “I hear your precious Starkiller Base was destroyed. Good riddance.”

 

“It is not often I am in the company of such a bitter woman.” A pause. “Turn left here.” You rolled your eyes though you complied all the same. _Where? Where? Where am I going?_  “I do not understand Supreme Leader’s insistence on keeping Ren, on my rescuing him before the destruction of the planet.”

 

_Ah, is this why he’s kidnapping me? It does not seem like him to be so petty. He must have other plans._

 

“And you…”

 

“Me?” you asked under your breath, grumbling now. After your mini workout, you were exhausted, though you refused to admit this to the man. In truth, you were nearly ready to collapse.

 

“You survived his blade in the past,” General Hux replied. You glanced over your shoulder, stumbling your next step. “Not that it hasn’t taken its toll.”

 

“Do you plan on experimenting on me? To prepare  _yourself_ for battle…against Ren?” No response. Not even a twitch. “Do you fancy yourself above him? Or is it… You seem to think so highly of yourself. I don’t see you as being content with being…not only under Ren, but the Supreme Leader as well. Your ideals may be the same, but there can only be _one_.”

 

“Has Ren taught you otherwise? That there can be…two, perhaps? Sith lore holds little interest for me, tooka, but I do know enough. He is merely toying with you.”

 

“You’re not doing anything different. Using me to your own advantage.”

 

You waited, leaving off on that note to see how he would react. Once more you were met with silence. Your walk was cut short when he directed you to face a door. General Hux reached past you, typing in a code that caused the door to open, and pressed the nozzle of the gun against you to urge you inside. You did not dare disobey, not giving up hope that you could eventually kill this man and the other.

 

There was not much inside the room. An interrogation table, a chair, and supplies set out on a ledge. “Before your mind goes to places it need not, I do not plan on harming you either. You can be useful to me.”

 

“Because you want Ren dead?”

 

“Yes—and that is hardly a secret. Neither of us is exactly fond of the other.” You turned around to face him at long last. General Hux lowered his weapon. “You’re interested to hear what I have to say.” Your bottom lip trembled as a wave of emotions went through you. This was your mother’s executioner. “Not all Sith have only a single teacher. And Ren is no Sith. His Rule of Two is a farce. I do understand the similarities. For you to reject my help… I suppose we would have our own duo as well. Wherein we wish to kill the other. Are using one another for our own purposes.”

 

It was supposed to have been just Kylo Ren and you. The Rule of Two. A third party. A second Rule of Two. That did not add up.

 

He was ruining everything.

 

He was perhaps your only means of defeating Kylo Ren, who would be receiving help from an outside party as well—Snoke. In a way, it only made sense. You would be allowed to discover some of General Hux’s weaknesses as well.

 

“You really don’t care that you’re responsible for my mother’s death.”

 

“I do not.”

 

You curled your hands into fists and grit your teeth. It took you a few moments to gather yourself. “This plan of yours—Ren will know.”

 

“His paranoia will be useful. He  _wants_ you. While he says that he would be willing to kill you, I doubt the sincerity in his words. Now, I need an answer, tooka.”

 

“Fine.” You felt numb saying it.

 

There had been two.

 

And now there were three—soon to be four, when Supreme Leader began his training. Puppets often did not know the identity of the  _true_  puppet master. There were layers of veils and curtains, each blocking the view one needed in order to see who it was that happened to be pulling the strings. You had the unfortunate advantage of knowing  _exactly_ who was pulling your strings. Kylo Ren and General Hux were the guilty parties. In the past, the Resistance had dictated your actions. Supreme Leader Snoke was doing all he could to manage the strings that held the Knight and General. All three of you, puppets in a play. The puppet master could be murdered, could become too confident in his role. Without his puppets, he would be nothing.

 

Thus with General Hux revealing his readiness to play against Kylo Ren, you were happy to jump at the chance to assist him. These two puppets. The main attractions of Snoke’s play. While you made an educated guess that more puppets were behind the scenes, you would leave them to the Resistance. Your focus would remain on where you could do the most damage, be effective in any way given that you were at the disadvantage with your health as it was.

 

At least now you would be allowed to use the First Order’s training facilities—within reason. General Hux was clever, and you sincerely doubted he would give you too much slack. That would be a noose around  _his_ throat.

 

General Hux was more than happy to display the smoking gun before Ren. You. You were a plaything for either of them. A  _willing_ puppet. It was the only semblance of freedom for you. This was your mindset as you crossed down the hallways and corridors of the _Finalizer_. You could hardly walk straight. Exhaustion from your meager exercise routine was setting in. You were equally drained on an emotional level. How long had you been playing this game with the two?

 

It had been longer with Ren than Hux. The Force user had snatched you from the fires of death—quite literally.

 

A monster that fed on the innocent; that had been the cause of many nightmares for you as a child. It had supposedly lived underneath one’s bed. If one were to place their foot over the edge of the bed, they could feel the monster’s breath. It had terrified you when you were younger. Caused you to rush to and from the bathroom when you found the need to use a toilet. As you grew older, your monsters changed shape—they became real.

 

The monster you had spent years training to hunt had taken your virginity. He had raped you on more than one occasion… And then you had had sex with him of your own accord—in a way. Being that you were a prisoner, your consent would be under scrutiny by many, and rightly so. The ability to consent meant you had freedom. Ironically, Kylo Ren granted you that amount of freedom, moreso now that you understood what it meant to be his guest.

 

Your host and captor was in his quarters when you arrived. He was seated on the edge of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees as he took you in. No mask, you noted. “You already know.” The words slipped from your tongue easily enough, and Kylo Ren offered a simple nod in response. “If the enemy of my enemy is my friend…that would mean both you and the General are my friends.”

 

“Ironic…” His voice trailed off, his thought not entirely spoken. It was strange, the familiarity you felt while with him. Alone. He had kept you isolated save for when  _he_ desired your company. You had learned to enjoy his touch, while at the same time you recoiled from it. Over time you had come to understand him, his brokenness. In a former life of his, he had been the son of your General Organa. Funny; she had never revealed that her son was your enemy. “You’re a resourceful woman…and the general is cunning. I should have suspected such results sooner.”

 

It took a great man to admit he was wrong. You admired your enemies’ strengths. Doing otherwise would be foolish, and allow  _them_ to gain the advantage.

 

“That first time you forced your way into my head… Why did you memorize the memories I pushed forward to keep you away from information on the Resistance?”

 

“I could feel you dying,” Kylo Ren stated simply. Your mind wandered once more to the way the lightsaber had felt piercing through your flesh. The smell of burning bodies, your comrades being incinerated in order to become a part of Ren’s ash collection. You had lain there waiting for your turn. Buried underneath the corpses of your fallen allies, you had anticipated it. Had welcomed death though a small portion of you had feared it as well. “In the Force… A light flickering in and out, fading… I reached out towards you—and when I discovered that it was _you_ , the long-distance shooter that had taken my blade, I grew curious.

 

“I believed you would be easy to break. That it would be no trouble to take from your mind information on the Resistance, on the cell you were a part of. Those who have attempted to block me out in the past never offered up such  _personal_ information. It is with reluctance that I enter the minds of others…”

 

“You  _enjoy_ entering my head though?” you asked, the beginning of your question filled with a level of animosity that dwindled as you neared the end. It was hitting you in full, the meaning behind your own words. He enjoyed _you_. It was not as though these thoughts hadn’t floated through your mind before; you knew a part of him cared for you. This new depth made you uncomfortable. Admitting to yourself that, had the two of you been aligned with one another, the pair of you would have possibly  _loved_ each other.

 

Shrinking away from the thought, you transferred your gaze to the wall behind Kylo Ren. It was so plain. Sometimes you missed being on a planet. Even when you had been with the Resistance, you had felt homesick. _Home is where the heart is._

 

Your parents were dead. You had been fighting for them—for everyone, but for them especially. You crossed Ren’s quarters until you arrived at the surface that had so held your gaze. Kylo Ren did nothing to deter you. He remained silent; the only noise coming from him was his breathing. It was familiar to you, relaxing. A part of you wondered why it was General Hux had once more forced his way into your life. It would benefit you, to be certain; and yet, in some ways, it had come too soon. There were pros and cons to the deal you had with him. Accepting his help as you were… You shook your head again.

 

“Before… When you had first captured me, I had been able to exercise for a slightly longer duration before tiring. Am I worse now? Will things continue this way?” In a way, you were speaking to yourself. Yet you did not mind Kylo Ren listening in on your musings. “Accepting the General’s assistance… He may provide the medical care I need as well, which is the only way I can hope to defeat you.”

 

“I hardly fault you for placing yourself into a position that will be to your advantage.” Hearing him say this caused your mind to stop racing. You lifted both your hands, running them along the top of your head. “It is no different than my own training.” You half turned to stare at his back. You wondered if he sometimes watched you simply by using the Force. He had already stated that he felt for you, that that was how he had discovered  _you_ were the one still alive. Which meant he had quite probably been meditating as your comrades had been placed into that furnace.

 

You had dreamed of what it would have been like to be burned alive. Those were never nightmares for you. Bad dreams, perhaps; but you would not label them as nightmares. At that point in time, you had been in a poorer position, had not accepted that you and Ren could use one another. The majority of the time you were with him, you had dreamed of home. Alas, when you had returned to Naboo, it had been…unpleasant at best. _A nightmare_ , your mind supplied.

 

Kylo Ren rose from the bed while you watched him. The man moved towards the refresher, into which he disappeared. You crossed the room as well. Stripping out of your clothes, you set both your hands on the mattress. You wore only your underwear. This allowed you to stare down at your scars. The one from where Kylo Ren had pierced you, and another where he had singed you in the side with his lightsaber while interrogating another Resistance member. You grit your teeth at that memory. The man had broken, spilling secrets you had insisted he could hold—you could have taken it, even if it had meant your death.

 

You slipped your hands along the mattress as you climbed onto the bed in full. Your abdomen was sore. Fatigue was setting in. _Hmm… It’s close to time for a new chip… Could that be the cause? The endometriosis…all my internal injuries… The doctor said…_  Each of your thoughts trailed off, though they strung together quite nicely. You laid down on the bed, curling up on your side so that you could properly watch the door to the refresher.

 

It was part of your arrangement with Kylo Ren that your medical needs would be taken care of. You curled your arms around your midsection. Having believed that he was simply using the toilet, you clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth in annoyance upon hearing the shower turn on. He would be cleaning his wounds and changing his bandages. You did not want to wait that long to ask him the questions that had arisen in your mind. Thus you shimmied to the opposite edge, dangled your legs over the side of the bed, and moved up onto your feet.

 

The door was not locked, not that you had expected it to be. Kylo Ren wanted to be kept on his toes with you. Allow you chances to attack—only now, you would bide your time more and not be foolish in your attempts. You pushed open the door and walked over to the toilet. You sat on the closed lid, your arms once more around your midsection.

 

“When will the chip be switched?” you asked, ensuring that your voice was loud enough to carry over the sound of the spray. Kylo Ren merely muttered out your name. You waited for several seconds before deciding to humor him. Your hands pushed down your panties and then you busied yourself with unhooking your bra. You climbed into the steaming shower with him.

 

Immediately you were pleased that you did so. The warmth felt  _great_ on your body. Ren did not make it a point to touch you, nor did he deliberately avoid you. He brushed against you here and there as he washed himself. You were allowed to remain under the spray for the most part, save for when the man required it to rinse off soap. Ren once more stepped into the spray, and you pressed your front against his back.

 

“A physical exam is scheduled for tomorrow,” he said. “It may not be due to the need for a replacement chip, although the possibility is likely… You’ve adjusted the way you had been exercising. You have hardly taken into consideration that the majority of your training occurred prior to your death.”

 

That was true, you noted, setting your palms flat against his shoulder blades. The man hardly flinched under your touch, though he did tense a little. He was not one who enjoyed others touching him without his permission. You had taken note of this; it was a reason you had always been baffled by the fact that he often had contact with you. Kylo Ren shifted around, turning so that your hands were on his chest. You tilted back your head to peer up at his face.

 

The scar was faint, yet it was there. Your eyes traveled along it before you met his gaze in full. “That was  _your_ fault.” That you had died—he had placed you in the care of Miovtha. And that you had lived; his reaction to your death… “Had I been on… That is to say—if either of us had been on the opposite side with the other…me with the First Order, or you with the Resistance…”

 

“Are you looking for affection due to losing your parents?” He often deflected when it came to anything remotely sentimental. Your eyes dropped to his chest, and you rested your head there. This man had killed his father; he had told you as much, had chastised you for even momentarily mourning Han Solo. Your hands shifted down to the light scar that was the remains of his bowcaster wound. He had used a generous amount of bacta and other ointments to reduce the visibility of the scar. In truth, it was still in the process of healing. “Mm… that isn’t it at all. You are truly curious about me… How sweet.”

 

In the past, you would have cursed him for implying such a thing. More and more, however, you were discovering how alike the two of you were in certain respects. Devoted to the cause; on opposite sides of this war. “Complimenting you in any manner is a waste. You’re arrogant,” you shot. Ren’s response was to grunt then cup your face in his hands. He smirked down at you when he tilted your head back so that you were forced to meet his gaze. You narrowed your eyes half-heartedly at him. “You have theorized that Snoke will not order you to kill me… He may eventually.” Your mind could not fully escape from the memory of him murdering his own father; though you had not seen it with your own eyes, your imagination provided plenty enough of a visual.

 

“I have already informed you, tooke: you help to increase my power. Killing you would be a waste.” Your bottom lip quivered at that. How many of your allies had this man killed? He murdered countless on the battlefield—yet your death would be a waste? It was a disgusting compliment you wished could not have been bestowed upon you. Kylo Ren’s mouth found yours. Though you did not respond, you did nothing to push him away either. He kissed you only that single time, and then left your mouth and his in close proximity. “Were you ever in love, tooke?”

 

Despite the hot spray of water, you felt a sudden chill. There was a sort of  _desperation_ in his voice as he posed the question. As though he wished to own you entirely, be the only individual you had ever considered spending your life with—even if another reality would have had to have existed.

 

“Not like that,” you said, knowing it would do you little good to lie. He had been in your mind before, and he would quite likely visit it many times more. Ren dipped his chin a fraction of an inch. His suspicions had been confirmed. The hands that were cupping your face dropped to his sides.

 

Kylo Ren turned around, shutting off the shower and then reaching out to grab a towel for himself. After wrapping the cloth around his waist, the Force user seized the spare towel and gave it to you. You clutched the towel against your chest. It took you a few moments longer before you fully snapped back to the present and proceeded to dry yourself.

 

“I will show you, Tooke, how sentiment is a weakness. It will be your downfall.”

 

You stared after him as he exited the refresher. You were still drying off at that point. Shaking your head, you could not help but wonder if sentiment would be  _his_ downfall. You wrapped the towel about your body, your bare feel pattering on the floor as you walked over to the exit.

 

“Do you believe that I won’t be able to kill you…because you were my first? Because I think about how it might have been?” You dropped the towel when you arrived at the edge of the bed. Kylo Ren, as naked as you, sat atop the blankets. He was cross-legged when you knelt at his side. Your hands were on his thigh, and you felt his gaze lingering on the two tattoos of his names. His fingers trailed along the tattoo of _Ben Solo_. “I used to pretend that you could be him… But  _no one_ can return to the past. It doesn’t work like that, no matter how much we want to cling onto things. I may be sentimental…but I’m learning. I understand that now.”

 

“You had to  _die_ to learn,” he said, his tone one of mocking.

 

You tilted your head to the side, cringing as you fought off a wave of pain. “You did as well. It may have been on a more…figurative level…but—“ You were forced to swallow your next words when the man’s hand flew to the back of your head, and he tugged you forward, your lips meeting his. Both of you kept your eyes open, your tongues battling for dominance. Your fingertips dug into the flesh of his thigh. His tongue pressed down on yours, forcing you to submit to him.

 

The moment you stopped fighting, Ren broke away. “You are afraid, tooke. What will you do once you at last kill me? The general is working alongside you for the time being, however you have to be more on guard with him… Which leads me to wonder: do you plan on using him to strengthen yourself…only to betray him first. Once he is out of the way, you will kill me—or die trying.”

 

You flinched, ripping yourself away from him entirely. Your heart was pounding in your chest, racing and drumming in your ears. He had read you like an open book without first invading your mind. The two of you knew one another  _too_ well. Which meant that your own suspicions were likely true: that a part of this man loved you. You gulped at the thought, the realization.

 

“Which memory was it?” you asked, your voice so small. Ren’s wide eyes searched your face, as though the man was looking for an out. Snoke’s pupil and you: two puppets becoming further and further entangled with one another. General Hux’s strings, likewise, were adding to that tangled mess. If the three of you were not careful, your movements would be limited and the puppet master would cut your strings—not to free you, but to instead break you, burn you, eliminate you. “Which memory made you want me?”

 

“How devoted you were to your parents. That you would throw away your life, your freedom…to save them.” You furrowed your brow at the mention of freedom. Kylo Ren chuckled. “Joining the Resistance meant you had to sacrifice so much. The idea of even having a family of your own… You were willing to put that off indefinitely to further the ideals of your mother and father. Your relationship with them was…interesting. The way you disagreed with much, and yet… You were so devoted.”

 

Ironic, that this was what he told you; given that  _his_ devotion continued to endear him to you in a way.

 

“I am still devoted,” you argued. Kylo Ren nodded, a smile spreading on his face. You refused to back down as you had in the past, did not lower your gaze. You were devoted: to the cause of destroying _him_. In a twisted way, you were devoted to Kylo Ren. “This is all a mess.”

 

“You have proven on more than one occasion that you easily adapt,” he drawled. You sighed and started to run your fingers through your hair. “Would you like to eat with me, tooke?”

 

Deflection yet again, though this time in a different manner. He acted as though he did not long for your company, phrased his requests as inquiries to make it seem as though <I>you</I> were the one who needed this. General Hux was not the only individual making your job more difficult than it should be. You were far too drawn to your captor in the same way he was drawn to you. Respect and longing. Neither of you could allow sentiment to interfere with your jobs. Perhaps, you thought, that was why Kylo Ren committed monstrous deeds. The man who had once been nothing more than a creature; Ren stared at you with those wide eyes, as though he was pleading with you.

 

“Yes,” you replied.

 

Ren lifted up his datapad from the bedside table, flicking through a few screens. You guessed that he was putting in an order for food. When he had finished with this task, the Force user went to his closet. He pulled on a pair of loose pants then grabbed out a large shirt and a pair of your panties. You dressed when these two clothing items were tossed over to you. Ren rejoined you on the bed, the man closing his eyes while lying beside you. You watched him.

 

“Why did you warn me?” His eyes reopened, and the man was staring at you with a questioning look. “All those times, hinting that I would not be free even if I escaped… You dropped hints that you were, in some twisted way, being _merciful_ with how you were treating me. Allowing me those moments to try to kill you. Why?”

 

“It does not matter.”

 

Funny, you thought; he said that sentiment did not matter.

 

You sighed and looked to the door so that you could watch for the food to arrive. All the while your mind continued to sort through events in your life since your capture. How this man purposely antagonized you. Hurt you—tried make you hate him in some ways whist also dissuading you from demonizing him. He wished to be viewed as human though he respected your need to kill him. You would never give up fighting, not really. Yet you sometimes longed for death.

 

_He’s like me… I hate it._


	26. TWENTY-SIX

**Three Blind Tooke**

_**Part Two: Precarious Harmony** _

Chapter Twenty-Six: Monsters of Make-Believe

 

General Hux’s words ran through your head, his statement on repeat. Kylo Ren, despite stating otherwise, was not willing to allow you to die. He cared for you in a way that he could not admit even to himself. As you sat there on the bed, you felt your mind racing once more over the possibility that the two of you, in another life, could have been in love. At the very least, this man would have loved you. It made you feel rather numb. Your enemy, the man you had devoted a large part of your life to by training to kill him, might have loved you more deeply than anyone else in the universe. You wrapped your arms around your midsection, hunching forward so that you were able to rest your forehead on your knees.

 

You had to tell yourself that Kylo Ren was wrong; sentiment would not be your downfall. Though it would undoubtedly distract you, you would not let it prevent you from carrying out your mission.

 

Perhaps this was one of the General’s first strikes; psychological warfare. It would potentially throw both you and Ren off your game, and give the redhead the advantage in whatever play he was readying.

 

The man beside you was quiet; you took this to mean he had fallen into a state of meditation as he waited for the food to be delivered. You peeked over at him. His gaze alternated between unfocused and focused until his eyelids descended. He had fallen into a state of calm you wished you could achieve. You had meditated in the past a number of times, however had never been able to master the devotion Kylo Ren put into such a task. Though you were patient, clearing your mind completely was not your forte. You would constantly be running calculations through your head, going through various plans so that you could gain the advantage, or else reminisce.

 

Ren was able to tune you out completely though. With the Force, he would be able to snap back to attention at a moment’s notice. You hardly understood the exact mechanics as to how it worked. Imbalances. Wavelengths? You sighed, stretching out your legs a little in order to become more comfortable while you observed him.

 

“If you hadn’t…” You caught yourself, cleared your throat, and dropped your gaze down to your feet. You could hear the man shift. He had been drawn out of his state of meditation at the sound of your voice. This was another way you knew he was, in some way, obsessed with you. He  _wanted_ to hear what you had to say. You ran your tongue along your lips to wet them. All the while, you were deciding how wise it would be to speak aloud your questions. “Do you believe you would have been in love with me?”

 

“Had I remained with Skywalker?” You nodded, your chest deflating a little in relief with the knowledge that he was truly taking your words into consideration. Other times he could be so dismissive; you did not know if that would have been worse or not. “Perhaps we would never have met.”

 

You blinked at that then furrowed your brow and pursed your lips. He was being more factual than you had expected. On second thought, you supposed you should not have been so surprised. He was avoiding the answer whilst still engaging in conversation with you. Playing the lead, forcing you to follow along if you wanted to learn _anything_. You tapped your thumb against your thigh.

 

Kylo Ren was not removing his stare from you, which meant that he suspected you might choose to ignore him. It would not be the first time this happened between the pair of you. You tilted back your head, lifting your chin and looking towards the ceiling. “You know  _exactly_ what I mean, Ren. Stop acting as though you don’t.”

 

“You may have been different, tooke. As would I have been…”

 

“I would have been hunting someone else,” you shot, meeting his eye. His eyes lowered down to your mouth, his jaw twitching. “I learned about you  _after_ I joined the Resistance. That wouldn’t have changed.”

 

“It does not mat—“

 

“You don’t believe Hux would use this to his advantage? I’m playing both sides—you and Hux are both aware of this. That means I need to be extra careful. You already guessed it, that I would need to attack General Hux before you. That means that I need to ensure  _you_ don’t fall to such a game. This particular factor would hurt me just as much as you.”

 

The further you delved into your explanation, the straighter Kylo Ren sat on the bed. He curved a lone arm, resting it across his lap. His head was cocked partway to the side. This was a calculation he had possibly failed to make. So caught up was he with your  _life_ that he did not realize how much of a weakness it could be. His deflection of sentimentality could be his downfall.

 

Ironic, you thought, that you had to work  _with_ your enemies in order to bring them down.

 

“I may have sought out your company.” It was a step. He would not concede to possibly loving you in another life, and yet this was progress all the same. It gave you room in which to work. You nodded in response to his words to allow him to know you had heard him. “As for you—your _feelings_  are evident.”

 

He was avoiding speaking his former name, his past identity. This allowed you to know how sharp your words were, cutting into his defenses. You sucked your bottom lip into your mouth and chewed on it. You had come to learn that no one in the First Order spoke of _Ben Solo_. This allowed you to reach the conclusion that his past name was likely taboo—which, in turn, meant that him allowing  _you_ to speak it showed that you did have some sort of effect on him.

 

_As for Hux… I will need to find his weakness. Maybe Ren already knows it._

 

A light rap on the door was succeeded almost immediately by the entrance of a droid. You looked towards it, noting the trays of food it was carrying. These were set up at the bedside. Both you and Kylo Ren were silent as the droid carried out instructions that had previously been given to it. You felt the man behind you shifting on the bed only when the droid was heading out. He sat to where you were positioned between his legs, which dangled over the edge of the bed. You leaned against his chest, though you were careful to not bump into his healing injuries.

 

Kylo reached past you, picked up his fork, and stabbed it into a bite of food. Your eyes tracked every move he made, and your heart hiccupped in your chest when he placed the bite near  _your_ mouth. You parted your lips, a buzzing sort of sensation running along the base of your neck as the food was slipped into your mouth. You then closed your lips around the prongs. Ren withdrew the utensil, and it was then that you started to chew. He prepared a second bite, this one for himself. Your mind wandered back to when you had been forced to wear the muzzle and bindings. He had fed you then as well. The contrast here—that you could freely move—made his gesture more intimate.

 

In a way, he was reaffirming the answer to your question; he very likely would have entered into a relationship with you had the two of you been on the same side. How many times had he attempted to have you renounce the Resistance? He had wanted you to join him in the First Order. Or perhaps the First Order had nothing to do with it at all. He merely desired an ally, someone he could trust.

 

You swallowed the food and allowed him to feed you three bites more before at last picking up the second fork. Kylo Ren shifted so that he was better able to feed himself while you ate. You watched him in your peripheral. Though he was relaxed, his gaze constantly strayed to you. Always observant. He reminded you of someone…

 

_You had a tendency to take your food and leave the cafeteria to eat on your own. With an expression of disgust at the day’s meal, you slipped down into a sitting position at the trunk of a tree. One of your comrades, a man whom you would be leaving when you boarded the shuttle that would take you to the splinter cell, drew up to your side. You glanced up at him. Yolo Ziff was…he was a lady’s man, and it had taken you quite some time to warm up to him._

_“It’s a delicacy.” His insistence in regards to the food had you looking down at it, raising your brows, and staring up at him with an expression that allowed him to know: you thought he was crazy. Ziff released an exasperated sigh. “Just… Just go with it.”_

_“It’s disgusting, no matter what you say.”_

_“You lack imagination, Ryoo-bud.” You felt yourself grow rather hot at the nickname. It was his term of endearment for you ever since he had learned you were from Naboo. “You can be aware of something, but…make yourself more comfortable.”_

_His words had stuck with you through your training; in truth, Yolo Ziff had been the one to help you, though he would never know it, when you were enduring solitary confinement in both your training and as a prisoner._

 

“I don’t want either of you to have the upper hand,” you murmured when next your mouth was empty. Ren’s lips twitched before returning into a neutral expression. You turned your head to the side, allowed your eyes to wander along the contours of his face, and heaved out a sigh. You could not play make-believe here, no matter how much you wanted to. “He does though.”

 

“A temporary set back, tooke.” Playing both sides of the field—or three sides, if you counted the fact that you needed Ren and Hux dead—had you juggling numerous tasks. All the while you needed to work on healing. You ate more of the food, thankful for the nutrients, and also grateful that it was nothing that would upset your sensitive system. Pleased it was nothing that made you have to pretend you were eating some random delicacy. “Do you feel like a pet?” The amusement dripped from his voice.

 

Your eyebrows rose towards your hairline. “At times, yes. This isn’t news to you.”

 

“No.”

 

_So, he’s wanting to steer the conversation away from Hux. Rule of Two… He wants the focus to be on the relationship between me and him._

 

You placed your fork down on the tray in order to grab the drink that had been poured for you. Though there was still a generous amount of food left on your plate, your stomach was already quite full. You set down the cup and leaned back against Kylo Ren. He released a light noise yet continued on eating without pause. Positioned as you were, you were able to feel his muscles move with each of his actions. Stretching, flexing, relaxing. His previous injuries were hardly going to be a detriment to him. He was healing quickly, and the man knew how to keep himself in shape.

 

Meditation was likely decreasing the amount of time it would take to heal. Perhaps the Force was helping with that factor as well. You wanted to learn more about it, this strange power, in order to better fight against him. This was where General Hux might not be able to assist you. The man hardly seemed the type to put much stock into the Force. There had hardly been any Force users in the Resistance. General Organa—nothing like what Ren could do though. This was another area in which Ziff had assisted you before you had broken off to work with the splinter cell. He had told you to keep your eyes open, to never stop learning.

 

“What can you sense through the Force?” You remained entirely relaxed as you asked the question. Kylo Ren set down his fork and dropped the hand that had been holding it into your lap. He squeezed your thigh. “You’ve said about…sensing me dying. You also seem to be rather adept at knowing my moods. You can sense them, can’t you?” By way of answer, he pressed his lips against your throat. You swallowed thickly as he kissed you.

 

The fact that your focus was on him was pleasing him.

 

This was the part of your relationship with the man that was dangerous to  _you_ alone. You could almost fall for him in these moments when you pretended that the pair of you were not enemies. You forced yourself to call to mind the injuries he had dealt your body. His lips, still against your neck, curved into a smile. “Such a clever fighter.” You lifted a hand, setting it against he side of his head. His hair was soft, and for a moment you did allow yourself to have another hypothetical moment. A time to play make-believe. It eased the stress your mind was under; offered you a temporary break from the constant calculations dealing with the various factors that could influence your actions. “It has taken you quite some time to realize the position of power you hold.”

 

“I was impatient,” you conceded. A moment later you removed your hand from his hair. “You say that you will… The Rule of Two—in a strange way, you will groom me? In order for you to stay on your toes, I need to be an actual threat. It’s why you’re allowing General Hux to play a part. But there are things he will refuse to do, materials he would never provide.”

 

“You wish to learn more of the Force.” The back of his hand gently met the side of your face. You leaned into his touch, turning your head so that you could meet his gaze. Those dark orbs were running up and down, flicking back and forth as they took in your eyes. You wondered for yet another time how deeply into others he could peer. And what would that be like? He locked himself away, shutting out many emotions that others took for granted. Perhaps, for him, it was similar to watching a holovid. Familiar yet so distant; pretend and surreal. Yolo Ziff saying you looked gorgeous when you were having a bad hair day. You knew it was false, yet somehow it made you feel better. “…as though I need to hold your hand.”

 

Having caught only the tail end of what he had said, you mentally berated yourself for being so distracted. You were too  _close_  to the target. This went beyond your training, which was another reason you knew it would be wise to  _listen_ to the man. Be patient. “Do you enjoy it?” A grunt, tinged with a startled noise, greeted you. “Holding my hand.” A puff of air that sounded quite like it came from his nostrils. A laugh.

 

“With the awareness that it deludes Hux into believing  _his_ plan is without any hitches, it is quite enjoyable.” You chewed on your bottom lip at those words, nodding in agreement. “You are my prop as much as I am a tool for you to grow stronger. Do not blind yourself.”

 

“In other words: remain useful.” You were only thankful that, in this context, sex had nothing to do with what he was demanding of you. “Tit for tat.”

 

“Limited texts, Tooke. There is much you cannot learn simply by reading.” You again nodded. Some things you would learn by observing Kylo Ren, and others you would likely never know. After all, you did not have the Force. “I will bring them once the results from tomorrow morning’s appointment are given.”

 

The Force user pulled you backwards along with him when he shifted back to the center of the bed. You winced, the pain never fully fading. “I should continue to stay with you at night.” You curled up against him. Your breathing was slightly more labored than usual. “The ‘troopers may fear you, however both they and the officers never seem to fully respect orders. At least when it comes to leaving me alone.”

 

“You’re so weak.” He said it softly, and not as a means to insult you. His hand trailed along your abdomen, tracing over the scar his lightsaber had left. “You will behave then, tooke.”

 

“As I have been.” Even speaking those words were exhausting in a way. You were tired. You could not recall having ever looked so forward to a physician’s visit in the past; you were ready for morning to arrive. With a final, heavy breath, you curled one arm behind your head and allowed yourself to drift off as you laid on Kylo.

 

_“You know what’s harder than dying, Ryoo-bud?” Hypothetical Ziff often caught you off-guard. Still, you hummed and looked his way. The man had made no attempts to hide the fact that he found you attractive, however he knew when to draw the line. It was one of the reasons he had grown on you. “Having to sit by while someone else does.” You furrowed your brow, your mind racing as you sought to discern the meaning behind his words. “A lot of us face it. You probably will… When you leave.”_

_“To be a long-distance shooter?”_

_“Yeah.” Ziff tilted back his head, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “You’re going to have a target…and… You will see others getting hurt, watch as they are murdered. You can’t move, Ryoo-bud. Don’t take your eyes off the target. You have to…”_

_You have to watch them die._

_He did not finish this statement, and you appreciate this beyond words. It was the ugly side of war, the gray area. Holding someone else’s life in your hands when you did not want to. A large part of you wondered if he was speaking from experience, but you were too afraid to ask._

 

During this examination the next day, both a physician and a medical droid were present. You felt awkward, the way they prodded at you. The physician, a different individual than you had seen in the past, questioned you regarding your symptoms. You emphasized the pain. When asked to point where the worst areas were, you obeyed without hesitation. A large part of you wanted to get this over with so that a new chip would be put in; in the past, it seemed to have helped curb your pain. The physician, whose name you had not yet bothered to remember, was not allowing you to speed through the examination.

 

He hummed in thought, listening to your heart and taking your vitals for a second time. You rolled your eyes when he commented on your agitated state. Of  _course_ you were agitated! “Stars,” you growled, shaking your head.

 

From the chair he was seated in, Kylo Ren adjusted his posture and looked your way. You forced yourself to relax. It would be wise to be patient, you told yourself; it would not do to make the same mistakes you had in the past. This was for your health; the only way you would be a threat to Kylo Ren and Hux would be if you were as healthy as possible. Running a tongue over your lips, you apologized half-heartedly to the physician. The man’s smile was strained.

 

He ran a hand soothingly along your arm. You flinched, tensing and then relaxing whilst wondering why simple human contact unnerved you so. _Because I’m not used to it like this. Not anymore._  You sniffled. The physician resumed the examination, continuing with the same line of questioning. Though it caused your legs to constantly be in motion, you did what you could to remain patient with the man and answer his questions.

 

You were soon made to lie down on your back, at which point you were prodded more. Kylo Ren stood from the chair, crossed the room so that he was at your side, and observed the way you hissed in pain when the physician pressed down near your scar. “Mm,” the man hummed in thought. The pressure of his hands relented, the man drawing back. He gestured to the droid, which also came closer; it brought with it a device that was used to scan your abdomen. “Hmm. I will switch out the chip, and we will see if that helps with some of the pain. If the pain does not fade—Master Ren, I will need to conduct a more thorough investigation.”

 

“At this time, you do not wish to do anything so invasive.” Though it was spoken as a statement, you could tell there was room allowed for the physician to argue.

 

He must have sensed this, for the physician shook his head. “I don’t think it would benefit her at this time, especially if we find that it is unnecessary. In that case, it truly would cause her more harm than good.”

 

“How long until the chip becomes effective?”

 

“For her pain?” Ren’s head dipped as he nodded in response. The physician tilted his head from side to side, considering. “Two days’ worth of pain medication in the interim should help. She will still have some pain when the medication wears off, but it should be more tolerable….and, hopefully, lessen more as time goes on.”

 

“That is acceptable for now. Proceed.”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

You bunched up the blankets underneath yourself in your fist, grasping it while the old chip was removed and the new one implanted. You bit down on the pillow that was nearest to you, unsure if it was the one you slept with or Ren’s. It did not matter either way; it was keeping your scream muffled. You were so sore already that what would have been only minor discomfort transformed into further agony. A shudder ran through your body, and tears slipped from your eyes down onto the bedding.

 

When the physician ordered the pain medication, you turned your head to the side, allowing the pillow to slip out of your mouth. “No.”

 

“Foolish, tooke,” Kylo Ren snapped. You jerked, jumping at the hostility in his tone. Your eyes were wide, your pupils dilated. “New mistakes.” Your lips parted and air rushed into your lungs; you had not realized you had stopped breathing until that moment. You gave a small, tentative nod. “Do it.”

 

The physician obeyed the man once more, again ordering for the medication to be brought. The droid that had assisted in your examination exited Kylo Ren’s quarters. You stared after it, ticking off each passing second in your head. It took the droid only nine minutes to return, bringing the drug with it. You accepted the pill, as well as the glass of water the physician had prepared in the meanwhile. You set the pill on your tongue, tossing back a large gulp of water in order to swallow the medication. It went down smoothly, for which you were thankful.

 

Both the droid and the man who had conducted the examination lingered for several minutes longer. It took you a little to realize that he was ensuring you did not have an immediate adverse reaction to the medication. So thorough, you thought.

 

Then again, your mind supplied, if this man had heard anything of what had happened to those near you when you had died on the table, it was no wonder he was being extra careful with you.

 

You waited until he and the droid did leave before looking once more to Kylo Ren. The Force user had not returned to the chair to meditate. His eyes were on you, his mouth set in a frown. “Your body requires sleep,” he said before you had a chance to speak first. You lowered your eyes, feeling rather chastised, much like a child. “The side effects of the medication will help you at this point.”

 

“I already feel so out of control, Ren. Do you even know what that’s like?” Even to your own ears, your voice was too soft. Hardly above a whisper. Kylo did not even attempt to answer. You peered up at him, discovering that he was watching you with a guarded expression. Your own words ran through your head; the way you had referred to him as _Ren_ , as though the two of you were on such familiar terms. Had you never done so in the past? Suddenly you were unable to remember; and what did it matter even if you had? For some reason, this occurrence was what had impacted him the most. Or was he simply marveling over your frailty? “May I have something to eat?”

 

You wanted to change the subject, to get him to stop looking at you like that. It was too…too _tender_ , your mind supplied. As though he were pitying you, and you had no room for his pity. His lips pressed into a thin line, which was an improvement in your book.

 

“The medication might be too harsh on my stomach otherwise,” you continued when there was no other alteration in Kylo Ren’s position. “Unless it’s too early for breakfast.”

 

“I will have something brought.” At long last did his gaze leave you. Kylo Ren walked to the bedside table on which his communications device sat. You eyed the object with the knowledge that the man had encrypted the thing with a password that rendered it unusable by you. He had, at the same time, provided you with a device of your own; with it, however, you could only contact him.

 

While your captor committed himself to the task of ordering food, you rose from the bed and started to remove your clothing. When you had been with the Resistance, you had hardly imagined any situation in which you would be so bold as to strip in front of anyone, save for if your life depended on it. This man, however, had seen you naked countless times. He had taken your virginity; and you did not feel his gaze raking over you as it had in the past—that was not to say he did not look; you saw his eyes flicker over to you, running up and down before abandoning you. The cool air of the room brushed along your flesh. You winced as it seemed to pool along your tender flesh near your scar. Your fingertips landed on that portion of your anatomy.

 

In your peripheral, you could see Kylo Ren coming nearer to you. His chest was soon flush with your back, and he set a hand atop yours. His fingers stretched beyond yours, curling underneath so that he was the one touching the scar of the wound his blade had inflicted.

 

“You should be dead.” A dry chuckle escaped you. You turned your head so that it was easier for you to see his face. He was staring at where his fingers were on you. “And yet you’re fighting it—death. For you to have questioned the very idea of taking pain medication was foolish.”

 

“Pride, I guess,” you whispered. He released a small noise, took a step back from you, and gestured towards where his clothing was kept. You obeyed, having already been in the mindset of dressing in one of his shirts. Due to the differences in size between Kylo Ren and you, his clothing was far looser than the outfits that were provided for you. And you were too sore to want anything touching your flesh.

 

The majority of his clothing was black, however you managed to find a sweatshirt that was a dark gray. This you pulled out and slipped over your head before grabbing out a pair of panties and socks for yourself. The medication was beginning to kick in, which caused it to feel as though the room was spinning. You set a hand on the wall to steady yourself, leaning the entirety of your weight on it a moment later. You slid down the length, turning so that your back was against the hard surface, and set your hands palm-down on the ground.

 

Kylo Ren eyed you for a passing moment, strode to the door, and opened it to allow the food to be delivered. This time it was not a droid but a ‘trooper. The armored individual did not so much as spare you a glance. You, meanwhile, watched him. Observed the way his hands trembled so that the glass containing your juice shook, the liquid within rippling. The tray was set on the bedside table, and the stormtrooper nearly darted towards the exit. Kylo Ren allowed the man to leave before he walked up to you.

 

“I’ve got it.” Ren’s hands twitched at his sides. He had not made a move to offer you any assistance, yet you were convinced that was the exact reason he had come closer. Despite your own insistence that you were fine on your own, you reached forward, clutched the front of his robes, and used the material to drag yourself up. His shoulders rose and fell in a sigh. You set one of your hands on his arm to keep yourself steady, having started to sway the moment you were on your feet. “I don’t want to rely on you, you know.”

 

“You would cut your nose to spite your face.” This immediately had you frowning, your eyes narrowing as you glowered at the man. Kylo Ren matched your glare with one of his own, his lips curling into a snarl. He jerked back, yanking his arm out of your grasp, and you found yourself tumbling forward. His hands did not rise in the least to catch you. Yours, meanwhile, swiftly rose so that you were able to prevent your face from meeting the ground. A cry left you as you collided with the floor. “I don’t have time for your games.”

 

You blinked through the tears that were gathering in your eyes. Tears of pain, anger and all-out frustration. “You’re an ass.” No response. You sniffed, feeling rather indignant, and shifted onto your hands and knees. You would not relent, would not give in and ask him for help. Instead you proceeded to crawl towards the bed. His boots were level with your stomach the entire time, the man crossing the room with you. You swung at his ankle. Having thought he would move, you growled when your hand met his boot. You wrapped your fingers around it, stopped crawling, and attempted to yank, to force him to lose his footing. Nothing. On the contrary, the strength it took for you to accomplish any of this had you feeling rather exhausted. “I’m feeling like a kriffing  _pet_ again.”

 

“I have no qualms with placing the food on the floor.”

 

“That isn’t what I meant.”

 

“I know.” You peered up at him, your frown deepening when you discovered he was smirking down at you.

 

Once, when you had finished a part of your training with the Resistance, you had drunk a little too much. That evening you had found yourself curled up on the floor in the middle of one of the classrooms; the next morning you had remained there, much to the chagrin of the instructor. The way your head was feeling as though it were about to float off your shoulders, you decided to act similarly. You released your hold on the Force user’s ankle, laid down on your side, and huffed out a rather dramatic sigh.

 

Kylo Ren began to reach over you towards the bedside table. “Don’t put it on the floor.” His limb remained frozen in place. “I need a moment.”

 

“You waste a lot of time, tooke.” Scrunching up your nose, you looked the man up and down. You rolled back onto your hands and knees, finished crawling to the bed’s edge and started to pull yourself up onto the mattress. “Stubborn.”

 

“Hypocrite,” you shot, dragging the tray closer to the table’s edge so that you could better reach it. You pinched a piece off of the biscuit that was there. Fluffy biscuit. “Why is it orange?”

 

“Carrot.”

 

“Hmm.” You drew the small portion into your mouth. It did not taste exactly like a carrot, which you supposed was good in a way. You broke off another piece, eating the food in this manner until you at last sat up so that you could drink your juice. “Will you bring the texts so that I can learn more of the Force?”

 

Kylo Ren turned on his heel, going over to his chair and sitting down in it. You observed every action of his, patiently waiting for an answer. Nothing. Silence was your answer. You noisily slurped more of your juice, making as much noise as you possibly could. He took the bait, looking your way. “The Force is in all living things.”

 

“I know that much,” you said, ensuring you did not sound too snotty or annoyed. You did not wish to dissuade him from speaking with you on the subject. “But…harnessing its power—how are you able to do that?”

 

“I can feel it—the Force. I call upon it, will it to do my bidding. The Force can influence us, and those who are Force sensitive can influence the Force.”

 

 _A bunch of mumbo jumbo that isn’t going to do me any good._  “Are the hand gestures necessary?”

 

“On occasion. It is easier to visualize, which enhances one’s connection with the Force. In speaking—why does one use hand gestures at all? Speaking does not require this either.”

 

It was a good comparison, you had to admit. “It increases one’s concentration then?” Kylo Ren nodded at your question. “You’re more focused than I realized.” His posture altered at the praise. He fidgeted, you noted; the man slouched for half a beat then sat up straighter. It sometimes escaped you how insecure he could be. This was one of the reasons you had first started to pity him, to view him as something other than strictly your enemy—his humanity. “How does it work, though—you delving into the minds of others? How is someone able to use the Force to change what one thinks? The way you made me… When you took my virginity… How does that work?”

 

“A battle of the minds.” You nodded, hoping this action aloud would prompt him to continue. “Think of it…similar to hypnosis. The power of suggestion, yet enhanced by the Force.”

 

“I…” You averted your gaze.

 

“You do not believe yourself to be weak minded enough to fall for such things…yet anyone, truly, can be influenced if the scenario opens them to deception.” At these words, you again looked at the man. “You will be provided with texts on the Force this evening. For now…resting will benefit you.”

 

“And you.”

 

“Yes.”

 

So matter-of-fact, you thought. Still, you did not argue with him this time. You settled down against the pillow for a nap. Your body was sore, even more so after having been prodding by the physician and following your fall. To help yourself fall asleep more quickly, you watched Kylo Ren. The man had closed his eyes, no doubt clearing his mind so that he could fall into a state of meditation. He was healing faster than anyone else would have in his position, and you attributed this to his connection with the Force, his ability to meditate. He knew what his body needed. In fact, he knew what  _your_ body needed, even when you were fighting against logic due to your streak of stubbornness.

 

When you woke from your sleep, you felt a body behind your own. You did not move away, nor shift in any form. You waited there, feeling the way the chest against your back rose and fell evenly. There were times, like now, when it was difficult for you to discern whether or not Kylo Ren was awake without looking at him.

 

The tray was absent from the bedside table, and in its place were two scrolls. They looked well used—old. You blinked at the sight of them. Were they the texts that Kylo had promised you? You did not wish to make that assumption only to discover you were reading something that was none of your business, something that would cause the man to lash out at you. Thus you instead slipped a hand into your pillowcase and pulled out the virtual Tooke pet. There were no alterations in Ren’s breathing.

 

The pain medication was working rather well; there was only a dull ache now. You were able to distract yourself from even this by playing with the tooke. As you played, you also reflected on past conversations with both Kylo Ren and General Hux. The three of you each planned in your own ways. Predicting one another’s next moves. You were the underdog, working on their playing field.

 

 _I need to take risks then_ , you decided. You set down the electronic you had been playing with in favor of reaching for one of the scrolls. You cradled the object, unrolling it with care. Immediately you were greeted with text regarding the Force. Fighting techniques. Even if these had not been intended for you, if instead they were for Kylo Ren’s lessons, it would benefit you to look over them.

 

In a strange way, you were becoming a student in the ways of the Force.

 

As you read the text, your mind returned to the conversation you had had with Kylo Ren…the ones you held with Yolo Ziff. It would be so nice to play pretend, to allow your enemy to hypnotize you into believing that your pain was absent. Was he capable of such things? Could he tell you _“This does not hurt you.”_  and have your perception be altered so that you were pain free?

 

His hand skimming along your scar was the only indication he offered that he was awake, that he could sense your thoughts; you knew he was not in your head, for the pressure associated with such actions was absent. Lips met your shoulder. A tender display—too tender. You thought of the way he had, in the past, instructed you to draw nearer to him. His behavior in those moments…

 

He had pretended as well, you realized. Kylo Ren had sometimes feigned a true relationship. The gifts he had brought to you. Despite his cruelty, which was unforgivable, this man had…

 

“You raped me.” A hot puff of air cursed along your flesh. He sighed, and you knew why this was. The man had never denied his abhorrent behavior. “You  _hurt_ me. You  _ruined_ me. Why?” The hand flattened against your scar, and you winced. It hurt, the throbbing making itself known again. “Why did you do those things to me, Ren?”

 

“Does it truly matter?”

 

“Yes… Nothing is going to make it okay… But… I need to know: _why_?”

 

“I saw that I would care for you, tooke.”

 

It felt as though all air escaped your lungs in a single moment. You could not breathe, and your head was spinning. Your mind in a whirl. All that he had said came rushing forwards. The way he regarded his enemy. To never have compassion for an enemy… He had needed  _you_ to have a reason to hate him. He had  _needed_ to be a monster in his actions so that you would not stop fighting. So that you would not give up. A part of him had craved  _your_ compassion and empathy…and yet  _his_ pity had led him to…

 

“You wanted it so that I could never truly love you?”

 

“Something so unforgivable…” Kylo Ren removed his hand from your scar, the man drawing back so that you no longer felt his lips or breath along your shoulder. “Ultimately we are enemies, tooke…and that can never change.” You pushed at the scrolls, nudging them away. “Breaking you… Having you  _pity_ me… For you to want me on your side… You should have simply broken.”

 

 _I tried to break you quickly, tooke._  That was what you were hearing. Those words. He had committed such heinous acts to…to what?

 

“What is more painful for you, tooke—that I raped you, or that you have started to care for me?”

 

All of it!

 

You pressed your teeth together, thrusting yourself around so that you could slam your fists against his chest. Kylo Ren grunted. “I wanted to destroy you in order to…make you…unlovable.”

 

Your jaw dropped. You had called him that once. Unlovable. Now you knew why it had rattled him.

 

“You wished to pretend that I was…Ben Solo…” The way he spoke his birth name caused you to shudder. He held such _contempt_  for it. “I wished to pretend you were _nothing_.”

 

He could dehumanize and use you if you were nothing—and now… Was he still trying to pretend? Or were you truly nothing?

 

Or, worse, had you become something to him?


	27. TWENTY-SEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TLJ SPOILERS IN THIS CHAPTER
> 
> We are delving into TLJ here, however I'm also going to sort of AU it. It has lots of usable/useful material HOWEVER some of it doesn't fit in line with my plans for the fic. Other parts do.
> 
> MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW STOP READING NOW IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN!!!!!
> 
> \-------
> 
> Okay! So! The timeline of the destruction of the Resistance fleet is going to be waaay different. There is going to be a different timetable here to better help develop everything. So bear with me if things feel off compared to TLJ. Because this is obviously fanfic-verse (yay, fanfic-verse!!). Feel free to ask questions in the comments if you are wondering about something (Such as "Hey, has (xyz) happened yet then?"). I will answer those questions since I want us all to be on the same page. Some of those answers are likely to occur in future chapters too, but I don't mind the questions in the meantime either.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> (Also, yes, please notice the tag that there is going to be some Rey/Reader so there is some F/F. I do not know if there will be any actual f/f sex/smut yet. If there is, I will let you guys know beforehand)

** Three Blind Tooke **

**_Part Two: Precarious Harmony_ **

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Be Wary the Blade You Sharpen

 

 

It had become too natural for you, spooning with Kylo Ren. This would have unnerved you had it not been for your arrangement; and thus the cool draft that crept along your back allowed you to know that you were alone. It awoke you. Your chest rose then fell as you sighed. You turned over, running your hand along the pillow that had previously cradled Ren’s head. You had focused so long on making your life’s goal the murder of the man; all the while, your general had been hoping for him to be saved.

 

 _I_ _t’s a decision he would have to make for himself_ , you thought, rolling onto your back. You placed the back of your hand on your forehead. _He said he killed his father…_  And then later he had berated you for feeling sympathy for a man you had never met.

 

You started at the sound of a knock on the door. A single, light rap. Sitting up, you slipped out from underneath the covers. The cold air assaulted your flesh, prompting you to rub your arms with both your hands. You hit the button, and the door slid open. On the other side stood General Hux. His arms were crossed behind his back, and he had an air of patience about him. “His training has begun.” An explanation as to why you were alone. “He left this morning. Supreme Leader believes your presence would be too much of a distraction during the beginnings of his lessons.”

 

All the same, Snoke did not wish to have you killed. At least, not at this moment in time. You eyed the General, the man who had essentially ordered the murder of your mother. “Am I to assume I’m once more in  _your_ care?” He smirked at you. “What does this entail?”

 

“Our arrangement still stands, tooka. I will later take you to the firing range for practice… I don’t doubt that your skills are in need of improvement after all this time. You will remain in Ren’s quarters at night—and the medical droids and physicians will continue to monitor your condition.”

 

Partway through him speaking, you had dropped your gaze down to the shirt you wore. It was large on you, yet that was nothing new. What  _was_ new was that you felt rather naked in it. This man before you was not someone you wished to be intimate with—not any longer. General Hux, ever observant, took a single step backwards simultaneous to hitting the button that ordered the doors to close. You headed for fresh clothing without a moment’s hesitation.

 

You flinched when the material of your shirt grazed your flesh. It was still too tender for your liking. You removed the shirt immediately, grabbed out another of Kylo Ren’s, and put this on instead. It hung low on you, to the middle of your thighs. You blinked, fiddling with the hem. It was older. Stretched out, save for at the neck. Shrugging, you finished dressing and then moved back to the door.

 

General Hux’s eyes were drawn instantly to the tooke hair clip you had decided to wear. His mouth was open, yet only a strangled sound emerged. He almost seemed so human, you thought; not like the monster you knew him to be. Someone who could order the destruction of an entire system… So many deaths. Unnecessary. Innocents. Casualties.

 

_I’m going to destroy you one day._

 

This day, however, you flashed him a quick, sarcastic smile, and stepped out. “Shoes.” You paused, your gaze drifting down to your bare feet. Scrunching up your nose, you obeyed solely due to the fact that you knew you needed the practice as well. Out of the two pairs of footwear that had been given to you, you selected the slippers over the daytime shoes. General Hux grit his teeth when he saw this, but the man raised no objections. He likely understood that the slippers were lighter weight, and thus they did not exhaust you as much. Nor aggravate your sore body.

 

In this, you respected General Hux despite your dislike of the man; he picked his battles.

 

Not that you wished to think of his battles. Though it had not been said explicitly to you, you were not an idiot. The First Order, following the destruction of the Hosnian System and thus the Republic, had taken hold of much of the galaxy. Enough to where you knew the Resistance would be running out of resources. All those occasions during which Kylo Ren had invaded your mind—you wondered what details they had been able to use to their advantage now that they could attack the Resistance more openly. They were the rising power in the galaxy, much as the Empire had been long ago. You wanted to vomit at the thought.

 

The redhead gestured for you to follow along after him. This snapped you out of your thoughts, and you obeyed without question. His arms were once more crossed behind his back, one wrist cupped in his hand. You stared at his gloves. Clean. Immaculate even. You expected nothing less of him.

 

Officers, stormtroopers and technicians alike greeted their General with respect whilst at the same time making a point to sneer at you. They were well aware that you were off-limits; they could not assault you as some had attempted to in the past. That would never erase the disdain they held for you. A Resistance member—or were you a former Resistance member? You mulled this over, ultimately unsure of the exact answer. It did not matter. Your goals were inline with the Resistance and  _that_ mattered.

 

Following along behind the man, you allowed your mind to continue to wander. Kylo Ren was training with Snoke at this very moment. Had he taken a shuttle then? You had previously been under the impression that you would leave the _Finalizer_  with him. That Hux would. Unless, for the time being, Snoke wanted only Kylo Ren present. It was entirely possible. And you were fearful—not knowing what to expect when the man returned.

 

All your mind could focus on was that Snoke had been the one to tempt your captor-slash-host to leave the Light and join the Dark side of the Force. All of Kylo Ren’s actions ran through your head. The way he had cut down people on the battlefield. That red saber piercing your own flesh. Waiting to be burned to death— _hoping_ that you would be. Wishing against  _everything_ that the man hovering over you that day would not take you away from the corpses of your allies. The way he had not seemed to care for you despite his interest in your memories, in your knowledge. Would he become that man again? Or would it be even worse?

 

The glares and snarls of those around you hardly cut through your musings. You were drawn back into the present only when General Hux stopped walking. You planted your feet firmly on the ground, waiting for him to open the door to the range.

 

“I should inform you… At all times, you are in range for stun blasts. Do not be foolish.”

 

Your fingers twitched, a shudder along your spine causing you to roll your shoulders. “I will bide my time, general. It would be suicide…a pointless suicide…for me to try anything now.”

 

He hummed at that, his hand rising in an arc. The doors opened, and the pair of you at last entered the facility. It was a generous size, and yet you knew it was a meager thing in comparison to whatever true training grounds they had aboard the Star Destroyer. A private sort of range. Room enough for roughly three shooters to practice on targets that were set at one of four distances. Already there was one target ready for you; it was set at the closest possible distance. You took no insult to this. In fact, you preferred it.

 

General Hux led you to the weapon rack, where you were allowed to select a blaster to use. A child’s toy, you thought. Even when your father had been teaching you to use a gun, you had not been given such a weak blaster. Then again, your father wasn’t your enemy. He had never been…

 

Your chest felt as though it were constricting, your throat equally tight. Your father.  _Daddy..._ It ran through your mind, that memory—real or fake, you still did not know, and perhaps never would—of him when you had died. Staring down at Kylo Ren raging. Your father telling you to return, letting you go back to the pain that was living.

 

You slipped your finger against the trigger and relished at the familiarity. A weapon in your hands.

 

Neither you nor General Hux spoke to one another—or at all. You shifted into the correct position and took aim. A buzz in your head. The sensation that everything around you was not real. This wasn’t real. It was a dream, or something of the sort. Your finger abandoned the trigger in favor of resting on the side of your weapon. You would not fire when your mind was anything other than clear. Your chest rose and fell with every breath that you took. _Steady,_  you told yourself. _Steady._

 

In your peripheral, you could see the man with you walking. Back and forth. He was pacing, his eyes never once leaving you. His eyes were narrowed, which allowed you to know he could sense your unease. Perhaps clearly see it. You lifted your chin defiantly. He would have no excuse to take away the weapon, to retract his offer to allow you to train this day.

 

A wave of calm. You replaced your finger, corrected your aim, and fired. A snarl broke across your face. “You are here to practice for a reason, Tooka.” You lowered the blaster prior to looking his way. “That may not have been a kill shot, however it is rather respectable considering.”

 

Considering you were months out of practice. That your body was not as strong as it had been in the past. You were too fearful of the recoil on that first shot.

 

You shook this failure off, deciding to try once more. A second shot turned into a third, a fourth. General Hux was directly behind you now. You could feel his breath on the back of your neck. Irritation grew within. “He’s getting stronger right now.” Another shot. “But you’re both so replaceable to Snoke.” _Bam!_  “That’s why  _you_ want me… To take the puppet away from the Master once the training is done… You want Ren to kill Snoke, don’t you?” Two shots in rapid succession. You did not give the redhead any time to respond. “But it won’t work. Flattered as I am that you think I could be so important… Ren won’t.”

 

“You misunderstand, tooka.” A dry chuckle escaped him, the sound ringing in your ear louder than the blaster shots. “It is not out of love that I expect him to kill Snoke over you. It is out of his sense of entitlement. The stronger his powers grow, the more he will feel he is entitled to your adoration. To owning you… Should Snoke attempt to dissuade him of this—and I do not doubt that Supreme Leader will do exactly that—Ren will lash out. That Rule of Two he spoke of, Tooka… You must see it.”

 

You lowered the blaster. _The student will attempt to betray the Master… And to think… I need him to succeed…in order for Snoke to be defeated… And then I will be able to focus on destroying Hux and Ren…who both want the other dead. I can use this._

 

“Allowing him to become powerful enough to kill Snoke, however…” Your eyes flicked over to the man, who had started to pace. Looking forward again, you raised your firearm. The worries that General Hux was implying were yours as well. “That is why I need you as well.”

 

“Do you expect to kill me, and hope he will have a moment of weakness?”

 

“I have considered it…and yet… This man also killed his father, Tooka. It won’t happen.”

 

This did not insult you in a way it might have in the past. That he was implying you were not important enough for Ren to cry over—the fact of the matter was, the rage that would consume Kylo Ren over your death would only fuel his powers. There was something else that General Hux had in mind. He was not letting you in on it either. You wrinkled your nose, frustration bubbling up inside of you as you felt helpless. Until you regained some of your strength and made progress, you would be at their mercy.

 

You started to tune the man out, which was not difficult given that he had fallen rather quiet again. You did not stop shooting until General Hux demanded that you do so. You lowered the weapon. He pulled it out of your grasp, and you stood there with your arms dangling at your sides.

 

Your aim had started to suffer as time had gone on. Desperation. Frustration. Memories of your father rising up inside of you, memories you did everything you could to choke down.

 

The General of the First Order returned you to Kylo Ren’s quarters, informed you that food would be brought and that you would be visited by a medical droid around dinner time, and then he left. You did not look back as the door closed. Your hands were on your clothes, ripping them off. You needed a shower—the steam. It would help you clear your mind.

 

You sat on the floor of the shower, your knees drawn up to your chest.

 

He was going to become a true monster. The creature you had so feared would soon become reality.

 

It took days for you to realize that the jumps in and out of hyperspace often took the _Finalizer_  to the _Supremacy_. It was only when you caught a glimpse of the ship in your peripheral that your heart lurched and stomach churned. Kylo Ren would be on that ship, wouldn’t he? TIEs streaked out from the vessel. You moved away from your chaperone in favor of nearing the glass. Numerous TIEs were those you had seen in the past. One, however, caught your eye. You stared at the TIE Silencer with a snarl, noting how the other ships followed its lead. There was no mistaking the identity of the pilot.

 

He was destroying more of what you loved. Fulfilling his role as monster.

 

You tore yourself away from the window to instead follow your chaperone back to the absent man’s quarters. If anything, witnessing this caused you to push yourself more. Not recklessly as you had in the past either. You read over the texts he had provided, exercised while also allowing yourself time to rest. Followed his example in meditation. You sat in the chair on which you had lost your virginity to him. Gripping its armrests until your knuckles were white, you reminded yourself to not think of him.

 

But his absence was not for as long as you had suspected it would be. He returned from Snoke’s ship to the _Finalizer_ , and his presence showed you once more that the role of monster was one he easily filled; that had not changed since first you had devoted your life to tracking him down and killing him. The scent of fresh ashes filtered into your nose. You stared at them from your position on the bed. Kylo Ren rubbed the edges of the leather pouch between his thumb and forefinger, and this caused more ashes to sprinkle into the canister. It was a smaller table than the ones you had seen in the past. _Monster_ , your mind whispered, the knowledge that these ashes belonged to either one of his fallen comrades or a—a what? Did they happen upon a lone Resistance shuttle? Some innocent bystander in the war?

 

You imagined the amount of such individuals who had been murdered in the destruction of Hosnian Prime. Civilians not directly involved in the war. Such heinous acts you could not imagine any of the other sides having committed. Not the New Republic, nor the Resistance for which you had battled. The First Order was truly a reprehensible group. And their power was only extending throughout the galaxy.

 

Jaw trembling, you shifted your legs. Your feet were planted firmly on the mattress, your knees bent, and you narrowed your eyes whilst observing your enemy. Kylo Ren lifted his eyes from the collection of ashes he had been adding to over the course of eight hours. Slowly but surely—each time there was a knock on the doors to his quarters, your heart sank. Kylo Ren placed the emptied leather pouch on the edge of the canister. It would be taken by whatever stormtrooper or officer came next.

 

The difference in Kylo Ren was not only physical. The scar was narrowed now. The wound fully sealed, unlike before he had left. As for the helmet that had so haunted you in your nightmares, that was gone. When he had entered his quarters, Kylo’s face had caught you off guard. His attire was different as well. A cape. Less robes.

 

Less robes had meant he was able to undo his pants faster—and he had. He had pinned you to his bed without the need to use a gesture of his hand. When he moved inside of you, there was something in the way he swirled his hips that brought you pleasure. And that was how you knew something was pleasing him. Your eyes tore away from the thinned scar to instead rest on his lips. That smirk. It was ruined only when his lips parted as he grunted above you.

 

“Tooke,” he hissed, the Force leaving you so that he could shift into a sitting position. He had you straddling him. Your bottom lip quivered. “There’s a connection.” You did not understand his words, nor could you have. “With the girl—Rey.”

 

A punch to your gut. He was not speaking out of romance for this other woman, though you could hear the curiosity in his voice. You were also able to discern that this was the individual who had left him with the scar. She was your hero in ways that she would likely never know. She had come close to defeating the monster whose hospitality you were forced to accept. The sensation of a punch renewed itself when his words fully hit you. Kylo Ren had ceased fucking up into you to observe your reactions.

 

“In the Force,” he said. His lips again twitched. “She’s like…you. I know her weakness. It’s the same as yours. And she’s desperate for a father figure. Han Solo. Now Luke Skywalker. Ben Solo will be her undoing, won’t he?”

 

You balled your hands into fists against his chest. Rather than succeed in your mission, not only had you been captured. You were now a tool against the Resistance. This Rey, this other woman with Force abilities, one person with whom you would have hoped would be able to defeat Kylo Ren…

 

She would be deceived into thinking Ben Solo wanted to be saved. That Kylo Ren had not killed his past and accepted his role in the Dark Side.

 

He had not allowed you to pull away from him. Instead the mouth that had spilled words that threatened to break your spirit had slammed atop yours. Kylo Ren had wrapped your legs around his waist as he pushed you onto your back and fucked you. His joy was palpable. His glee had a taste to it as his tongue caressed yours.

 

And you… You had hardly moved from the bed since then.

 

“What happened to the Rule of Two?” you asked, your voice timid.

 

Kylo Ren furrowed his brow. “That’s where she comes into play.” You shook your head, nostrils flaring. With shaking hands, you raised the bed sheets over your body. General Hux had been correct. Kylo Ren was gloating to you as though he owned you. To him, you were property. You would have considered yourself his lover if it had been a consensual and healthy relationship. Kylo Ren’s plans were to have this Rey woman rule alongside him as the two dominant Force users in the galaxy. He only needed to manipulate her first. Play her in the same manner Snoke had been able to do to Ben Solo. “She can’t see you. You needn’t worry.”

 

He had explained it to you, this connection. They could see one another from time to time though not the other’s surroundings. Kylo Ren was willing to feed into the connection. You did not have to ask. The girl, given that she had viewed Han Solo as a father figure, she would despise the man. Ren had chuckled when revealing she referred to him as a monster. Without meeting Rey, you somehow loved her all the more.

 

“Your aim is to kill me, Tooke. Hers won’t be.” A pause followed by a soft exhalation of air. “Oh.”

 

You pressed your legs together. The pouch that had been in his hand now dropped into the pile of ashes. Kylo Ren strode closer to you. The man who had left you had been less sure than this creature who now approached. You could not help but wonder about this Snoke. General Hux alternatively appeared worn down and composed when you encountered him. On the former occasions, he allowed you to train without remark. Yet he would snarl at you, eyeing you as though he loathed your very existence. You were Resistance yet refused to bow to or cower before him. When he was composed, the man hardly interacted with you at all. You were beneath him and he did not have the time for you.

 

By contrast, when Kylo Ren was fully composed he _wanted_  to _dominate_  you. This need for reasserting ones power spoke volumes. Snoke played General Hux and Kylo Ren against one another. Far more fluently than you could. You were thus torn with the idea of Kylo Ren influencing Rey. What if, you thought, she could help to eliminate Snoke? Wasn’t that for the betterment of the Resistance? Or would Kylo Ren rise into more power?

 

 _This man…doesn’t want to be saved, does he?_  You cupped your hand, thumb caressing the name _Ben Solo_  that was tattooed on your finger. This pleased Ren. He surged forward and attacked your throat with his mouth. His hand went underneath the blanket. Your legs were not allowed to remain squeezed together. Kylo Ren pressed his hand between them and shoved two fingers into your depths. The initial prodding had you wincing. You were dry. Not aroused in the least given where your thoughts had wandered.

 

“Call me _Ben_ ,” Kylo whispered, and your body betrayed you. You were wet. It was the game of make-believe that you had always wanted. Yet how you despised him knowing his motivations. If Ben Solo was to be Rey’s weakness, she would learn to use the name. She would use it with the desperate hope that she could save this monster. His breath, hot and somehow so damp, caressed your ear. The pads of his two fingers buried inside of you stroked expertly. Your toes curled, and you forced yourself to shake your head. “Tooke…” A chuckle again. Then he purred your name. Your jaw dropped, tears gathering in the corner of your eyes as he manipulated your body.

 

Kylo Ren set his free hand against the side of your face. It was tender. Your eyes darted to his countenance. There was something soft there. A mask, you knew. The one he had destroyed was no longer of any use to him. Instead he wore the mask that was Ben Solo. All the while saying your name as though he truly cared for you. As though he had never raped you.

 

You knew it was a game that thrilled him. His cock twitched in his pants. His fingers shifted out of you to instead draw lazy circles on your clitoris. No, not circles. He traced the name _Ben Solo_  while puckering his bottom lip.

 

 _Please, don’t do this,_  you wanted to beg. Yet begging him would bring him as much satisfaction as you giving into his wants. You opened your mouth to speak—the kiss that silenced you was softer than the previous time he had pretended to be his former self.

 

“I could have loved you,” he teased. You closed your eyes. “I could still… Say it. _Say it_.” For a moment, on that second utterance, the façade slipped. He had a momentary lapse back into his true self of Kylo Ren. It was the present, not his past. It was…just a name.

 

“Ben,” you said. Your eyes jerked open; his fingers paused in their actions. The pair of you stared at one another. It was then that things fully fell into perspective.

 

Snoke needed to be defeated before you could focus on destroying Kylo Ren and General Hux. You tried to formulate methods in which tricking Rey would be unnecessary, but therein was the issue. You had no knowledge of the position of the Resistance. And, should you escape, you would not be allowed to see the battles. They would use you for information to be sure. To help the Resistance you would have to betray it.

 

 _That makes no sense_.

 

He kissed you again, just as tender as the last. You repeated his birthname. The man who had once been Ben Solo drew aside the blankets, and you allowed him to. This monster was more devious than he had previously been, you noted. He wore not the face of a monster. He wore the face of a man he had destroyed. He wore the face of an innocent.

 

“Would you like to play?” he asked you.

 

How were you to respond?

 

To answer  _no_ would be to take yourself out of the equation entirely. He would likely use the Force on you at that point to compel you to do his bidding. Otherwise he would practice elsewhere. Kylo Ren wanted this Rey to be by his side, however she would be an ally. You, on the other hand, would be the enemy in his bed who kept him on his toes. You would give  _him_ power. In the end, he viewed both this other woman and you as mere tools for himself.

 

It was that he was asking you to view Rey as tool as well, that was the issue.

 

His mouth was again at your ear. “Too much at once.” You cringed. Even when you did not play along with his game, you were still playing. He was learning by gauging your reactions, the same as when he had been hunting the splinter cells. “Hmm.” Kylo kissed your cheek. Your lips next. Only a quick peck. Your throat, collarbone—down your body, though he paused to suckle your breast. Your cunt throbbed at the attention. You set a hand on his shoulder to shove him away. Ren dove, his tongue inside of you so that you instead grabbed at his hair and pulled him closer simultaneous to bucking your hips.

 

“Ren!” His assault on you stopped. As he began to pull away, you weakly whispered his birth name. Ben. The man stiffened then relaxed. You understood why he required your assistance The name had been something forbidden by Snoke to be said. He had never quite allowed you to call him it in the past. And the tattoo…it had been to toy with you.

 

You needed Kylo Ren to destroy Snoke  _and_ General Hux. Only then could you hope to kill him and thus fully assist the Resistance’s cause.

 

Kylo Ren was correct in what he had said. The connection between him and Rey were different. They would be partners together. You, however, were what helped him train. If he hoped to remain in power above Rey—that is, should he successfully bring her to his side—then he would have to constantly improve by using someone who would not just strip him of his power and make him a second. No, he was already like that with Snoke. He needed _you_. You were someone who would kill him.

 

“Ben,” you said again. His nose brushed your clitoris. You hooked your legs over his shoulders, placing your palms flat on the mattress and rocking your hips forward when his tongue flicked in and out of his mouth. A tease. A promise that he’d fuck you with it if you were good. You were each in your own way using one another as a tool. “Please, Ben.” His reactions were less noticeable the more you said his name.

 

Kylo Ren seemed to forget that Ben Solo was also  _his_ weakness. Unless Snoke somehow managed to erase that before he was eliminated. Your lip curled up into a snarl at the thought. The expression did not last. You could feel him manipulating the Force around you. Ghost touches that were electric across your flesh. Your nipples hardened. This power was not harsh nor forceful against you. There was no move to restrain you. It was all to pleasure you. A reward for you playing.

 

As though he truly did love you. As though you saying his birth name brought him joy for reasons that weren’t Dark.

 

His time with Snoke had reminded him that he was, on some level, a monster. Now he could balance the two halves—man and monster—and succeed in his goals. He was growing bolder, more certain of himself.

 

He was becoming, for you, the perfect weapon to kill Snoke and General Hux.

 

If you weren’t careful, he would destroy the entire Resistance in the process.


	28. TWENTY-EIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it. If not, I hope you have an awesome day all the same. Much love!
> 
> As a side note, I've been having issues with the formatting of chapters as I submit them. Trying to figure all that out. So sorry for any issues when it comes to that. I never had a problem before, yet in the last few weeks there have been issues.

**Three Blind Tooke**

_**Part** **Two: Precarious Harmony**  _

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Three Small Words

 

The man who slept next to you was not the creature who had impaled you with the plasma blade; he was not the monster that had dragged you away from the flames that would have promised death. While the body did indeed belong to the one who had stolen your virginity and tortured you, there was something different about him as well. Rather than shying away from the name of Ben Solo, he was seeking to embrace it. Not as his current self either. A portion. Kylo Ren was adamant that the past should die. Even should he have begun to use the name _Ben Solo_ throughout the rest of his days, that would never be the Ben Solo from the days prior to turning to the Dark. He would not be the person Rey would be made to believe she could save. Kylo Ren would be manipulating her, maneuvering her into a position where she could be used. Only then, when she proved herself ready to fight alongside with him, would the Force user offer her a place at his side as ruling body over the galaxy.

 

 _Like the Sith_ , you had whispered. Kylo Ren had paused, his brown orbs searching your face as his expression softened. He had not needed to say anything further at that point. This was beyond the Sith. No Jedi either. You were unaware as to what Kylo Ren intended to call the new order that would arise from the joining of their powers. This was not a question you had posed.

 

Ren had not redressed when he had finished toying with you. His nakedness was concealed by the blankets, one of which possessed a loose thread you were tugging at. You sometimes loathed when plans were made for the future. They were emotionally exhausting. This perhaps best explained why you had been frantic and desperate to kill him originally. He had robbed your future. You pushed your right hand underneath the covers to touch your scar. The finger with the name _Ben Solo_ tattooed on it twitched. The next moment you curled your hand into a fist, which remained on your belly. There would forever be a hole in you. All choices had been stripped away. Not quite all; you had options that revolved around Kylo Ren. Killing him, strengthening him… You squeezed your eyes closed as the unbidden addition of _loving him_ entered your thoughts.

 

It was not quite love so much as caring; you told yourself this, and knew that it was a half-truth. You doubted that you could ever love him completely and romantically. That would have entailed not only forgiving, but putting all the times he had raped you completely in the past.

 

 _Let it die_.

 

A hand of ice seized your heart as Kylo Ren’s voice wormed its way into your thoughts. History helped to create the present, offered up a means of shaping the future. You gagged at that final word. Future. Turning over onto your side with your back to the man, you curled your knees towards your midsection. The second sob broke through your attempts to swallow it down. After but a single gag, the horrid, pathetic noise erupted from your mouth. The mattress shifted, which is what you had feared would occur. The man behind you turned, his chest pressing against your spine.

 

His mouth was at your ear then. Hot breath blew aside strands of your hair as he spoke to you. “Are you afraid, tooke?” A spasm caused your body to undulate along with his. Kylo Ren set three fingers on the back of your hand, rubbing up and down. “You have become aware, haven’t you? Once I am Supreme Leader, Rey will be the new Master of the Knights of Ren. We will destroy the Resistance. The Sith. The Jedi. All of it—gone. And you… You will have to let the past die.” His fingers stretched further, his entire hand eclipsing yours. “I could have loved you…and I can still, tooke. I told you. I marked you as mine.” Ren’s voice had dropped to a whisper now, intimate, for your ears only.

 

You shuddered at the thought of it. Kylo Ren in the place of Supreme Leader Snoke. This girl Rey where Ren now was. As for General Hux—you toyed with the idea that the Force user was planning to use him in a similar manner that Snoke was. The redhead was, after all, a great tactician. It would be foolish on Kylo Ren’s part to dispose of such a tool. You grit your teeth at that thought. Snoke would no longer be the puppet master. That would fall to Kylo Ren. It would not be Kylo, Hux, and you being moved around the board. It would be Rey, Hux and you. All the wile Kylo Ren would be holding your strings.

 

He was far worse than the creature that had taken your virginity. Kylo Ren was now the one who wanted you by his side.

 

“You don’t love me,” you croaked, your words sounding almost hollow as the desperation from the past returned. There was no utterance of _I do_ nor _Not yet_ nor anything at all. His tongue, hot and wet, was on your ear. The underside drew a line downwards, and you jerked away from him, curling up further.

 

“Soon you won’t need to live in the past.” His words slipped out like a promise, and it was one you did not wish to believe. The sort of love he was insinuating was one of blind devotion. Adoration and worship—this was the monster you had sworn to kill, and it had sprouted more heads while sharpening its fangs. “I saw it in your eyes, tooke. You have never met her—is she the first woman you have ever craved?”

 

His filthy words had you shuddering. You swatted at him, shaking your head and whispering for him to stop. You wanted nothing more than for that silver tongue to become still.

 

“She has feelings for the traitor.” Ren traced your hip with two of his fingers. The bare flesh on your naked skin, his ghost touches encouraged your body to respond. Somehow you had become an instrument, and he was the only player who knew how to stroke your strings in the ways that caused sounds to be produced. The soft gasp followed by a staccato of breaths. The fingers had traveled from your hip to your lower belly, on which he traced patterns. His name. The girl’s. Kylo-Rey-Ben-Kylo. Between each, a pause, his hand cupping you, rubbing you. “You used to imagine your allies fucking you when I was inside your body. Do you think her tongue would feel like mine?”

 

“I…” You gulped, your mouth too filled with saliva. It was difficult to know what to say to him when you were confused about your own feelings. Your attraction to this woman—and, stars, how obsessed with you did he have to be to have noticed?—confused you most of all. You had never met her. Yet you loved her. It was not lust. You had no idea what she looked like. What color eyes did she have? What shape was her face? The picture that was being painted in your head with every word that slipped from those lips, however, complicated you. But… He had always been skilled at that, hadn’t he?

 

“Would you like to call me _Rey_ while I taste you?” Kylo Ren purred, his finger slipped past your lips and inside of you. He stroked you from within, small, quick rubs that had your toes curling. The hand that had been on your scar now caught his wrist. “Just a Jakku scavenger, tooke. How starved she must be. How thirsty. Imagine how greedily she would drink you up.”

 

Kylo removed his finger, bringing it to his lips and greedily slurping at the sticky substance that had gathered. That taste of your juices made him groan. His hands were again on your hips, this time to push you until your ass hit the pillow. Kylo jerked your legs open. His thumbs started to dig into the flesh of your inner thighs. His mouth remained inches away from you. You could hear him blowing as much as feel it. That thin line of air from his pursed lips. It hit against your clitoris. Your body felt as though it were pulsing, heat spreading through you. You shielded your eyes with one hand.

 

“Do you prefer _Ben_ to _Rey_?” that husky voice asked you. The moisture in your eyes had not disappeared, however there was nothing new gathering. His teasing irritated you. It aroused you. It distracted you, blissfully so, from the feelings of desperation that had earlier plagued you.

 

The truth was that you preferred whichever of them—Ben or Rey—that would be able to put a stop to Kylo Ren’s plans. If he became the Supreme Leader, you feared that the Resistance _would_ be destroyed. Supreme Leader Snoke had been teaching his pupil that sentiment was a weakness. Kylo Ren was using that against Rey. Against you. All the while somehow displaying moments of sentiment and compassion. That cold, unfeeling creature that was Snoke… You had somehow led yourself to believe that it would be far more terrifying than Kylo Ren. How mistaken you had been.

 

If you could orchestrate a means of Kylo and Rey assassinating Snoke while either Rey or even General Hux killed the Force user who was now kissing your knee then it would be a risk worth taking. Rey would be able to defeat Hux so long as she received proper training from Luke Skywalker.

 

There were far too many factors, too many pieces. How had Snoke become such an effective puppeteer?

 

Kylo Ren distracted you from this question by tugging at your strings. He nibbled at the side of your knee, up your thigh. Sucking your flesh, his tongue laving at the skin between his teeth. Your hand moved away from your face. You gripped the bed sheets, the leg that was not occupying his mouth now outstretched. His fingers dug further into your thigh. It hurt. It amplified the sensations of pleasure. Ren pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, shifting towards the side and tugging you along with him. Your feet touched on the ground directly after his.

 

His hands on your wrists, Kylo yanked your arms up above your head and pinned you to the wall. You stared at him with wide eyes, your chest rising and falling as you attempted to control your breathing. You recognized the fire in his eyes as animosity. Not against you, but instead directed at your attraction to Rey. The familiarity of this stemmed from your interactions with General Hux, all of Ren’s reactions to them. The zealous nature of his obsession with owning you had you jerking your eyes off of his face and staring at the wall. In his passion, he said things that you wished could be taken back. You were granted glimpses of the monster that had hunted down your allies; the creature that continued to slaughter your comrades on the battlefield. This was not the man who housed the memory of Ben Solo, not in these moments.

 

The pressure on your wrists waned. As though realizing his mistake, Kylo Ren stepped nearer to you. His lips were feather-touches on the heels of your hands. Did he, you wondered, expect you to put aside the memories of these moments with him if he succeeded in his plans? _Let the past die_. As though he could control what clung to your mind, what shaped you into who you were to become, and what you would guard yourself against. The time he had spent with Snoke had the exact outcome you had dreaded.

 

“You’re so cruel,” you said, sniffing then parting your lips to inhale more deeply. Ren’s mouth was now on your left wrist. A kiss. Not an apology. This was simply him changing tactics. “I thought things had changed with you after Starkiller was destroyed. They haven’t.”

 

Rather than respond to your words, to the accusation, Kylo Ren muttered out for you to remain still. His hands left you, and you obeyed simply to see what it was he wanted from you. This was not solely about sex. Had that been the case, he would not have sobered when you responded to him with apprehension. You allowed your head to loll, rolling your shoulders and considering the scars he had obtained during his battle with Rey on Starkiller base.

 

He, meanwhile, was staring at _your_ scar. Kylo Ren reached forward to trace around its edges. “You’re terrified to watch the Resistance fall. There is no Resistance for you, tooke.” You were aware that he was not being literal so much as underlining the fact that the Resistance would never allow you to join in the fight again if you somehow, miraculously, managed to escape the First Order. The best place you could be, ironically, was still at Kylo Ren’s side. “You don’t want her. You don’t want Rey—you want me.”

 

Your lips pressed tightly together as you frowned at him. Admitting that you did not know what you wanted would give him too much power, and so you chose to instead remain silent. Your mind wandered to how General Hux had been treating you. Passively. As though you were side entertainment for when he was not busy; and he was busy…which meant that the Resistance was suffering countless losses. It was much the same as when he had ordered the Starkiller weapon to be fired, when he had caused your mother’s death. General Hux never backtracked as a means of appeasing you so much as changing tactics to better manipulate you. With Kylo Ren, though the majority of his actions were similar, there was the key difference that he did, on some warped level, care for you.

 

“I do want Rey.” His mouth twitched, the man beginning to scrunch his nose as though ready to bare his teeth. “I want her to defeat you after you kill him.” Kylo moved ever closer. He set his forehead against your shoulder, shifted nearer, and had his face buried in the crook of your neck. You could feel his eyelashes brush against you as he closed his eyes. “The Ben Solo from the past is dead. I’m not stupid, Ren.”

 

“She won’t believe that,” the dark-haired man rumbled. You hummed in acceptance of his words. “Perhaps your feelings for her will help put her at my side. I will have to teach her the ways of the Force. She hardly knows how to control her powers. To the Knights, she will be a stranger, an amateur. But, tooke, her potential is great.”

 

The way he spoke, you imagined he had managed to convince himself that the only way Rey could fulfill her potential was to join him, to study under him. It was much the same as how he treated you when it came to the differences between the First Order’s views and those of the Resistance. It was always _his_ way that was best, or so he deluded himself into believing. This was not a man who could be saved, you thought for the umpteenth time. He did not _want_ to be saved. He craved power. The son of your beloved General Organa was self-entitled and dark. He was _dark_.

 

You lowered your arms to your sides, the strain having started to make itself known. You were allowing your mind to drift to how things would proceed if Kylo Ren _did_ succeed in all his plans. Not only would he be Supreme Leader. Rey would be the Master of the Knights of Ren, and they would assist in claiming the galaxy. The New Republic was destroyed, the shambles housing the remnants of the Resistance. Kylo Ren had taken _you_ from the Resistance. What was to stop him from doing the same with the entire galaxy? Rey. The girl Rey, and Skywalker if the legendary man did indeed return.

 

You covered the scar from your lightsaber wound with both hands, one atop the other. “You don’t like it when I think of anyone but _you_.”

 

Lips curled into a smile, his eyes shining with that hint you knew to be his streak of possessiveness, Kylo Ren straightened and stared you in the face. “If Rey from Jakku would thirst for you, tooke… If she would drink you up so greedily…” The man was lowering himself onto his knees in front of you, his hands on your thighs, nudging them, albeit less forcefully than he had been not long before. “Tooke…” His tongue traced his lips. Slowly. With purpose. You swallowed thickly, your body clenching, legs trembling. Kylo whispered your name as though it were a prayer. Softly. With something that would have been described as love if not for the fact that, at this moment, the two of you did not love one another. Your lips parted at that. There was something impossibly thick in your throat. Emotion. “I’m parched, tooke.”

 

You removed the hand that possessed the tattoo of _Kylo Ren_ from your belly, using it to trail your fingertips up his face. Mere hours before he had encouraged you to call him _Ben Solo_. He had wanted to play make-believe with you. All practice to lure Rey to him. To ensure that he would be able to eliminate Snoke when the opportunity presented itself, when the apprentice was ready to surpass the master. Though Rey would be beneath Kylo Ren in terms of position—Master of the Knights of Ren serving the Supreme Leader—you knew that he would treat her as more of an equal than Snoke now treated him. But for now… Now he was begging for your approval.

 

Deciding to play along again with the knowledge that it would be best to appease him for now—the two of you constantly finding and exploiting openings in the other’s defenses—you shifted your fingers down to his mouth. Kylo Ren parted his lips, wrapping them around two of your digits and sucking at them. You thrust them forward, began to draw them back, and offered them to him anew when his growl threatened to turn into a whimper. His tongue waggled its way between your fingers. You added a third into his mouth, again rocking them back and forth, fucking his mouth with them. Ren moaned, bobbing his head and staring up at you with those eyes. Desperation. Desperate for approval, _your_ approval.

 

You pinched his tongue, catching it between your middle and ring finger. It was an awkward hold, though one he allowed to keep him. “Beg for it, Ren.” His eyes began to narrow. He was not exactly pleased by the level of boldness that you were displaying. Given how much he had teased you, however, you had no sympathy. You snatched your hand up, your fingers leaving his mouth with a wet _pop_. You raised your hand to your face and observed the way they glistened. “You don’t have to. Unlike before, I _am_ willing to touch myself now. I don’t need you.”

 

“Let me taste you,” Ren said, his voice breathless. You could hear the slight rumbling afterwards. His growl. His hands on your thighs allowed you to feel the way he was trembling. Kylo Ren held himself back from taking what he wanted from you. He had, when telling you of the Rule of Two that well described your relationship with him, placed you as his equal in certain respects. When you did not grant him permission, his fingers dug into your thighs. There would be bruises there. You lifted your hand to your mouth and kissed the tattoo of _Kylo Ren_. “Let me show you how parched I am.” His shoulders rose and fell with his heavy breaths. He was rocking a little, swaying. You watched his tongue flick out for a second time.

 

“You want something wet?” Kylo Ren was looking up at you with his eyes alone. There was a hesitancy to his actions now. His eyes dropped to your pussy then raised back to your face. You parted your thighs, spread your legs enough to where his face would be able to fit, and stroked his hair. “Who are you right now? Ben? Rey? Kylo Ren?” You snickered. When he bowed his head, you took pity on this man who had been your enemy for so long. You used your foot, rubbing its side along his hip. “What am I supposed to moan if you’re any good?”

 

“Ren,” he said, all traces of shyness and indecisiveness gone.

 

You hummed, replaced your foot on the ground, and placed a hand on the back of his head to urge him forward. His nose brushed against your pubic hair. You felt his tongue against your outer lips, slipping through, parting your folds. Your mouth formed a small _o_ as Kylo Ren licked from your entrance to your clitoris, where he paused to suck at you. Tilting back his head while keeping his mouth on you, Kylo Ren stared up at you. You met his gaze, rocking your hips forward. With a moan, he opened his mouth wider, his tongue again finding your entrance. You could feel him working that organ against you, gathering your juices and drawing them into his mouth.

 

There was the sensation that something was swimming inside of you, going around and around in your lower belly, threatening to shift down to your cunt. Ren groaned against you when he opened his mouth again. The vibrations had the sensation growing. Your free hand slammed flat against the wall. The sound of the slap echoed in the room. Those brown orbs were peering up at your face. Your eyelashes fluttered. Kylo Ren’s teeth grazed your clitoris.

 

“Mm…Ren…g… Go… Bed…”

 

You were left against the wall, breathing hard and legs wobbly. Kylo Ren climbed onto the bed without any further prompting. He laid on his back. His hand was on his cock, thumb tracing his length as he turned his head to stare at you. You kept your hand on the wall as a guide. Lifting one leg then the other, you moved climbed onto the bed as well, crawling then swinging a leg over. You straddled his face. Ren greedily opened his mouth. His hand was pumping his cock now, quick flicks of his wrist matching the pace at which you were rolling your hips. Your hands were in his hair.

 

“Ah! R-Ren! Uhh….mm…” You leaned forward, feeling his nose nudging your clit as his tongue thrust up inside of you.

 

Earlier you had pretended Kylo Ren was the man from his past. That he was Ben Solo, someone who could in actuality not be saved. Now you allowed yourself to play make-believe anew. This time, however, it was you toying with the future he had painted. You somehow killing all history that was preventing a loving relationship from forming. The rapes. The times you tried to kill one another. The way he had used you to hurt your mother. You pretended that none of those things existed. You pretended that Snoke was _dead_.

 

You ground against his face, bowing your head and looking past your shoulder at the way he was pleasuring himself. Your jaw dropped as you came. His tongue was working more vigorously against you now, lapping at your cum. His hand was moving faster too.

 

“Don’t cum,” you groaned, earning a moan of approval.

 

Kylo Ren helped you off of him, holding your shaking body and laying you down so that your head was on the pillow. You kept your legs spread. He climbed between them, gripping himself and rubbing your wet cunt with the head of his erection. He rocked forward thrice, fucking your outer lips until you demanded, breathlessly, that he fuck you. You arched your back as he entered you. Your hands were on your breasts, toying with them. You pinched your nipples, tugged at them. You cupped your breasts from the side, thumbs and forefingers clasping your nipples.

 

When he moaned, it was not the nickname he had chosen for you. It was your name. You whispered out a desperate _yes_.

 

“I’m going to kill him one day, tooke,” he said. “And you’ll see. You will choose me.”

 

You gripped his hair at the back of his head, tugging him down to kiss you. Your other hand left your chest as well to instead splay across his. You ran the sides of your fingers against his nipple. With a grunt, Ren grabbed onto your hips with both hands, the man picking up his pace. You broke the kiss, nipping at his jawline. When he said your name once more, you threw back your head. Swearing, you grabbed onto his shoulders and looked down at where your bodies were joined. His cock slipped in and out of you.

 

You bit down on your bottom lip, swerving your hips so that he hit your g-spot. Kylo rested his forehead against yours. He was watching as well. One hand trailed from your hip to your lower back. He drew circles on your spine. Next, his name. Your entire body was trembling. It felt good, now that he was not teasing you out of jealousy but instead out of—you did not know what to call this. This was not love. He could not love you, not yet. That would interfere with his plans to defeat Snoke. That was something _both_ of you desired.

 

“Oh, fuck, Ren!” Your second orgasm crashed over you, and you could feel that the way your inner walls tugged at his cock made him cum too.

 

The two of you laid down on the bed together, you in his arm. You closed your eyes and decided to play make-believe for a little while longer. Would this be your life with him if you did renounce the Resistance once he killed the Supreme Leader? Laying in his arms, satisfied on a sexual level…yet missing something. You clenched your jaw. Your right hand was on your abdomen. The scar. The hole in your life. The future that you could never have; a decision that should have been yours stolen away. The arm that was wrapped around you shifted. His hand found yours and rested atop it.

 

He had killed that part of your future. Now he was asking you to kill your past.

 

Rey was the one thing—person—you could cling to. The idea of her. You did not know what decision she would make when it came time. If she did choose to side with Kylo Ren, you doubted that you would be able to stop them. You had vowed to kill Kylo Ren or die trying. Perhaps you did need to stop living in the past. You would toy with the different possibilities of the future while also taking a day at a time. Relearn your body, as you had been doing, and sharpen your mind so that you would be able to stay ahead of Kylo Ren.

 

“You’re mine, tooke,” he whispered. It was not the first time, and you doubted that it would be the last time he said those words. The sound you made was dismissive, and so the man tried again. This time it was not _tooke_. He said your name. Using your name, he claimed that you were his. He rubbed the back of your hand. “You admitted it before. You are mine as much as I am yours.”

 

“That was not out of love,” you countered. Then, seeing an opening, you said with a sigh, “Besides, I thought we were going to let the past die. Those word were in the past.”

 

“Then say them again.” He was infatuated with you. This man you had trained to kill. This man who had promised you not long ago that the two of you would work together. You being allowed to find chances to kill him. He using that as a means of growing stronger. Now he wanted you to reciprocate his other feelings for you. The ones he was masking during most of his waking hours. The ones General Hux would use as a weapon against the both of you.

 

Would it be prudent to kill General Hux first? Or did you need to keep him as a failsafe to eliminate both Rey and Ren if the woman from Jakku joined the man who was in bed with you?

 

“Do you want to be mine, Ren?” Here his hand curled around yours, his fingers wiggling until he was able to entwine them with yours. “You are volatile. Erratic. I can’t have that right now. My own body doesn’t even work like I’m used to.”

 

“And…General Hux?”

 

“He killed my mother, Ren.” There was venom in your voice. His thumb began to rub you again. Back and forth along the side of your hand. As though he did wish for you to be calmed.

 

You wanted to tell him that you would not betray the Resistance; yet you had already agreed with him that there was no Resistance. There was you. There was him. Hux. Snoke. Rey. People who were pieces.

 

“Right now I can’t kill the past. My past _is_ filled with the dead. What you’re asking me to do—you’re wanting me to forgive you for breaking me. Repeatedly breaking me. Now you’re telling me that you can love me in the future. Isn’t sentiment a weakness? I thought you didn’t have compassion for enemies of the First Order.”

 

Kylo Ren shifted onto his side. His hand did not leave yours. You kept your body as it was on your belly. This time when he said your name, you looked over at him. The two of you remained there, lying together, and watched one another. Now that the conversation had died away, the game of make-believe began anew. This was what it would be like to allow the past to die a thousand deaths. To accept the offer of his future affection. You would be in his arms.

 

“Do you want to play a game of make-believe, Ren?” you asked. He blinked, his nod something you nearly missed. “Pretend.”

 

With how long the two of you had been together—back when he had been your only form of social interaction, he had learned the language of your body so well—you did not need to elaborate.

 

“You will call me Supreme Leader,” he said. Your eyes dropped to his lips. Biting down on yours, you weighed your options. Play, your mind said. _You’ll get hurt_ , your heart whispered. Your mouth formed around the words that he had spoken, you uttering the title. “You don’t think I can do it.”

 

“You’re doubting yourself.” For once, you did not want his uncertainty. You needed him to believe he could complete this task. “So: pretend… Supreme Leader.”

 

“I love you.”

 

The truth was in-between the lines. The silent _will_ always present. This time you believed him. If he succeeded in his plans, he would love you.

 

That hurt most of all.


	29. TWENTY-NINE

**Three Blind Tooke**

****

**_Part Two: Precarious Harmony_ **

 

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Stripped Once More

 

They were such haunting words, those three syllables that replayed themselves in your mind over the duration of the night cycle. The one who had said them easily fell into a peaceful sleep, and you found yourself watching him. The games of make-believe that he played—that _you_ played right along with him—threatened to wear at the walls you had managed to put up. The same walls that had been in a constant state of repair since the creature you had once hunted had opted to save you from the fire. You could not remember exactly when you had last thought of that fateful day, that precise moment, and felt a sense of absolute longing for the flames that would have devoured you. Dying is so easy, you recalled your father telling you. Hot shame rushed through your body, constricting your chest and strangling your next breath to where it wracked your frame when at last it found release.

 

You _missed_ the monster that had lifted you out from underneath the bodies of your fallen comrades, lamented over his evolution into this man beside you. This, above all else, terrified you.

 

Your fingers danced along the scars on your body, meanwhile your eyes traced the ones that were on his body. The darkness disallowed the opportunity to fully see those healed and healing injuries. Light was unnecessary for you, however. You had his body memorized as assuredly as he had committed even the most minor of imperfections your flesh sported to his mind. This familiarity was intimate as well. It drove deeper the three words he had said to you. Why you had pressed for him to say them, you could not fully say. A part of you had wondered if he was even capable of uttering that phrase without perverting it with falsehood.

 

He did not love you in the way he would allow himself to when he had overthrown the Supreme Leader. In the present, Kylo Ren continued to hold you at arm’s length, not allowing himself to fully commit to the tumultuous feelings that stirred within him for you. Those sentiments that had prompted him to purchase the tooke hairclip, the book he had later torn into pieces. You ran your thumbs along the undersides of your ring fingers. The tattoos were not quite as dark as they had once been, although this hardly surprised you. The hands were used too often for the ink to remain as much as it would on other limbs and extremities.

 

The fantasies you had humored in regards to Ben Solo were now tainted with the knowledge that Kylo Ren and Ben Solo truly were the same person; it was nothing more than a name. You had called him Ben, and he had not magically transformed into the son of General Organa who had been with the Light. You had called him Kylo Ren, and he responded the same. Supreme Leader—you shuddered.

 

_I love you._

 

You twisted around, your back to the slumbering man as you slid your foot out from underneath the blankets. You dangled it, all the while thinking of the creature from the tales of your childhood, the one that lived underneath the bed. You could feel the breath of the fictitious monster tickling your toes.

 

When you awoke—maker knew how long it had been before you had at last lost consciousness and slept—the bed no longer held the body of Kylo Ren. You had no desire to remain on the piece of furniture either, not with the memories of the previous night that it was threatening to replay over and over. You spent a good ten minutes sitting on the floor of the shower after you had washed your body and hair then shaved. You had your knees drawn towards your chest, your arms wrapped around them and head bowed enough so that the spray of water hit the top of your head rather than your face. The drain gurgled on occasion.

 

General Hux, too, would want to eventually kill Supreme Leader Snoke. You passively wondered how and when he hoped this would occur. The man was an excellent strategist, a skilled tactician.

 

The Resistance was not yet defeated. Perhaps that was what the redhead was waiting for. Or there was also the chance that the creature that served as Kylo Ren’s master was more powerful than you could imagine. He would not be so easily defeated. Should General Hux learn at all of Kylo Ren’s plans to lure Rey, you doubted that Hux would stand in his way. He likely viewed Rey as a pawn as well, someone who could rid him of Snoke and Ren alike. You pitied the woman you had never met, how so many viewed her as nothing more than a tool. Then flinched when realizing that you, too, were doing so. You were allowing it to happen.

 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered in unison with the drain releasing another gurgle.

 

You pushed yourself up off the floor, shut off the water, and stepped out of the refresher with a towel wrapped around your body. Some of the droplets that clung to your body fell to the ground with each step you took. You grabbed an outfit that had been provided to you from the wardrobe. It consisted of predominately black material, the minute amount of red reminding you of the Resistance. You traced two fingers along the seams near the red. It brought to mind the flash of red you had seen when Kylo Ren’s lightsaber had pierced you. That was the first thing he had sought to violate your body with. The first time he had taken away your willpower, the ability to think and act for yourself.

 

It was not difficult for you to picture this faceless young woman, Rey, by the man’s side as his comrade. Both wielding red plasma blades while wearing black. She the new Master of the Knights of Ren. He the new Supreme Leader.

 

You recoiled from your own thoughts, shaking your head to rid yourself of those mental images while you dried off your body with the towel then pulled on the clothes.

 

Killing General Hux at this point in time would be of no benefit to you. As many Resistance members as he had killed—and as much as you loathed him for being the one to order the firing of Starkiller, the one who had caused your mother’s death—you needed him. That fact stung just as harshly as the truth behind Kylo Ren’s utterance that he loved you.

 

When you crossed paths with the red-haired man in one of the hallways, you did not fail to notice the cut on his lip nor the way his hair was not quite as smooth as it usually was. General Hux narrowed his eyes upon noticing you, upon seeing the way you were assessing his appearance. This did not feel, to you, to be of Kylo Ren’s doing. You sincerely doubted many would be so bold as to attack the First Order General—the man’s subordinates would not be so foolish or suicidal. Which left Supreme Leader Snoke as the culprit. You felt bile rising in your throat at the thought of how much power the man wielded.

 

“Tooka,” the man said softly by way of greeting. His tone was less stern than you had believed it would be. There were some in the Resistance who were reckless when it came to amassing casualties. The ends justified the means. You wanted to believe, even still, that none would ever be as cold as General Armitage Hux.

 

 _There is no Resistance_.

 

It was Ren’s voice that was in your head again. His whispers, the ghost sensation of his hands upon you, his breath by your ear.

 

That voice was drowned out by the sounds of General Hux once more speaking to you. “I don’t recall ever finding you to be so…distracted.” The hint of wonder in his voice caused you to take a single step back in retreat. Those cold, blue eyes swept along your body. “If you are in pain… Your mind can be sharpened when your body cannot.”

 

He had ulterior motives for encouraging you. Not only to find a means of destroying Kylo Ren; he did want to destroy Snoke. There was hatred in his gaze, cruel and unyielding; a remnant of what he had felt when interacting with another. Humility. The light flush that stained his cheeks suddenly became noticeable for you. This man had killed your mother, and so you felt no pity for him. That did not mean you wanted him broken, not like this. You reined in your anger and hurt, swallowing both those two things and your pride before allowing yourself to speak.

 

“I’ve been trying to study Sith lore.”

 

“Ren is not a Sith,” the man drawled, his eyebrows drawing towards one another. “Though he may entertain some ideology derived from the Sith, he also dabbles in the arts of the Jedi. I’ve had to listen to both him and Snoke discuss such things… We can use one another, tooka.”

 

Whatever blow Snoke had dealt to the man’s pride, it was enough to have him drop some of the contempt he held for you on the basis that you were Resistance. He was treating you similarly to how things had been prior to your will being stripped away while you were taken to meet with your mother. Those times in the redhead’s quarters, playing chess, petting Millicent. That had been before you had learned of your father’s death, of your mother’s. Before you had died—blissful death, with you standing beside your father. You wanted, more than anything, to believe that that moment with him had been real. No matter how painful it had been, that he had released your hand in order for you to return to life.

 

“I’m becoming a monster,” you said breathlessly before you could stop yourself. In front of you, General Hux allowed his eyelids to slowly, briefly descend. Him blinking at you was what drove in the nail that you had admitted to your fears in front of your enemy.

 

“The most terrifying monsters,” your father had once told you, “are those who do not realize they are monsters.”

 

You blindly grasped at anything that resembled hope. This girl from Jakku, Rey. Rather than hold tightly onto the hope she represented, you had instead agreed to work with Kylo Ren to use her as a tool. She should not be pulled away from Luke Skywalker, you told yourself. No… She should learn from him. To be drawn here to Kylo Ren would be her downfall if you helped the man who had claimed to love you. Aside from killing Snoke, how did your actions benefit the Resistance, the galaxy? If she helped to slay the current Supreme Leader only to join Kylo Ren, at that point the war would be lost. The First Order—Kylo Ren—would win.

 

The gravity of your monstrous deeds hit you. You fell to your knees and squeezed your eyes closed whilst swearing. Not only was Kylo Ren properly manipulating Rey and bending her to his will, he was doing the same to you. Convincing you to work with him, no doubt crowing in victory when you missed how he was corrupting you, dragging you away from the morals that had been instilled in you by your parents and the Resistance alike.

 

It ran through your mind, how Kylo had mentioned Rey's weaknesses. He had been in her head just as he had been in yours. Ben Solo. Compassion. Anything else that would break Rey's spirit and lure her into joining Kylo Ren—and thus, also, the First Order—the Force user knew these things. It was identical to the fact that he knew your weakness. Your desire to one day be loved when all those dear to you had already perished. You, whose future was fractured, had been played... Worse still, that Kylo Ren _did_ love you on some level. That he _could_ relate to Rey on another. The genuineness mingled with the manipulation. Maker, it _ached_ more than death itself had.  
  
General Hux, who also had his own plans for you, squatted long enough to seize your upper arm and pull you back onto your feet. You swayed in place, bumping against his body.  
  
You felt unlovable, and in some respects you wished you were.  
  
Few things registered in your head as you were led away. You did nothing to slow Hux's progress. The one thing that managed to stick was that you knew you were being taken to the man's quarters. The change in scenery was a welcome one. Where Ren's quarters were sparsely decorated and furnished, General Hux had a few military awards and Millicent's items. The ginger tabby cat rolled onto her back while stretching forth a single paw in greeting.  
  
You were discarded into a chair, upon which you curled up. Your fingers stretched then curled in alteration as you tried to will something into existence that you could hold onto. Something that was beyond Kylo Ren. The tooke hairclip and electronic toy had been from him, and so you shuddered at the thought of touching them.  
  
"The Resistance is a mere speck that will soon join the New Republic as nothing more than a sad, small part of history." He enunciated his words carefully as he normally did. The man did enjoy listening to himself speak. You peeked up from your lap and stared at him through the wetness that had gathered in your eyes. General Hux was already returning your gaze. He lowered a hand to stroke the top of Millicent's head. "Your mission had always been to destroy Ren, isn't that correct?" Though you nodded in response, you felt a wave of uncertainty bubbling forth. "What do you plan to do when the Resistance is no more? You will seek to end his life—but what _then_?"  
  
It was a question you had asked yourself from time to time, albeit in your head the Resistance had been victorious rather than the First Order. As much as you despises considering this outcome, you knew now that it would be foolish not to given how things were running their course.  
  
You had told yourself so often that it was your duty to slay monsters. There would always be monsters. Whether the Resistance won, whether the First Order slaughtered the remainder of your allies, they would exist. You could not kill them all. You had failed to kill the one who now claimed to love you. You wished he did not love you, because you could then convince yourself, if he corrupted Rey, that he was no human at all. That he had worn his flesh as a guise to beguile you.  
  
"I...have nowhere to go," you admitted. You were the guest of Kylo Ren. You were the prisoner of the First Order. Upon Ren's death, there was only the latter. In the case of his survival, you would eternally be the former. You were not stupid enough to think for a moment that Kylo Ren would allow you to leave him. His was a selfish love.

 

Rather than clinging onto the hope that Rey represented, you had allowed Kylo Ren to convince you to corrupt it. This hit you as hard as it had the first time the realization had dawned.

 

“You won't win,” you said defiantly, as much for yourself as for the man to whom the words were directed. General Hux barked out a laugh at your response. “The Resistance will _never_ die!”

 

“That may be, tooka; however, it will also never win.” You snarled in disgust at his words, a reply ready on your lips. You were not give the chance to say anything more. “Your father trained you to survive in the New Republic. He thought to prepare you for the _possibility_ of war. Mine? Tooka, my father made my life a war. I have fought since the day I was born, and I will not allow some silly little girl to delude herself into believing her views are superior. Neither of us is an idiot. Snoke will be dealt with first—second, if you include the Resistance. Then Ren. Either you or I will be the one to defeat him if it comes down to it. Once Skywalker and the girl are dead. At that point: What. Will. _You_. Do? What _then_?”

 

You shook your head. “I…don’t know.”

 

“You are the best type of tool, tooka, because you are willing to die. I’m going to use you. When you’ve outlived your worth, you will die along with the rest of your kin.” Here he took a single step towards you. “Unless you remain useful to me.”

 

Your stomach churned at his words. His proposal was quite similar to that of Kylo Ren’s with the exception that this man had no love for you. He would indulge himself with your body again if given the chance; as he had said, you were no idiot. You would always be an expendable tool for him. General Hux simply wished for you to be an expendable tool that was on _his_ side. You would never betray the Resistance in that manner, you told yourself. You would not join the First Order.

 

It was laughable for you to think such things when just the night before you had referred to Kylo Ren by the title Supreme Leader. You had imagined yourself by his side.

 

Again did your eyes roam along his split lip. His words repeated themselves; you imagined Brendol Hux beating his son, breaking him repeatedly while your father had sought to build you up. Both Armitage Hux and Kylo Ren had experiences that made them drastically different than you. And the girl, Rey, as well. From what little Ren had shared with you, you understood. If General Hux was willing to take _you_ for an ally, he would not be opposed to accepting Rey as well.

 

You twisted your body, leaning against the back of the chair while allowing yourself to look at the semi-familiar surroundings. He had brought you here to calm you, to speak with you. The manipulative and controlling nature of his words nudged at your conscious. Your gaze darted to him. General Hux had not looked away from you.

 

“Snoke wishes to see you,” the redhead said, as though at last ready to reveal things. Such as why he had been in the hallway. You felt the muscles in your legs tense; he had been on his way to grab you. The warnings from the past made themselves known; General Hux knew that Snoke would attempt to dissuade his apprentice from having feelings for you. Not to kill you, or at least not yet. The act of patricide had left a scar on Kylo Ren. If the Supreme Leader of the First Order successfully broke you, or else convinced Kylo Ren to kill you, you would no longer be any use to the redhead whose quarters you were in. It was for selfish reasons that he had brought you here to recover from your emotional outburst. “It will be in person this time, tooka.”

 

There was a semblance of pity in his expression, and you accepted that it was out of commiseration. He was no stranger to Snoke’s cruelty. You gulped down what saliva had gathered in your mouth then gave a nod of acceptance. Having fully recovered at last, you rose onto shaky feet. General Hux took the lead, and you were only two steps behind him. Exiting his quarters, you found yourself wishing you had thought to pet Millicent. A silly thought, a useless gesture… Not useless, you told yourself. It was a gesture of hope.

 

You had endured while in the care of General Hux and Kylo Ren alike. You refused to allow Snoke to break you.

 

Officers and stormtroopers alike stepped out of the way when their paths crossed with yours. There was a small transport shuttle prepared that would take you from the _Finalizer_ to the _Supremacy_. Your heart lurched into your chest as you beheld the larger ship. You had seen it through the viewports. Now that you were arriving at it, however, you were in awe of its size.

 

There were more personnel aboard, all of which glanced your way with a high level of contempt. You would have preferred the expressions to remain as such rather than turn into cruel smirks of delight the deeper into the _Supremacy_ that you were taken. They knew you had been summoned by Snoke. No doubt they hoped to hear of your suffering. You, a Resistance member—former or present, it did not matter. You were their enemy and your pain brought them delight. That you wore no bindings did not make them nervous. You were trailing behind General Hux. There were blasters on every person, blasters that would be trained on you if you moved out of line.

 

The first thing you noticed when you entered the throne room was the color red. This you had constantly attempted to associate with the Resistance even after you had seen the lightsaber on the battlefield. The guards in the room also wore red, their armor similar yet with differences from one another. Your pace slowed. General Hux, in contrast, did not slow in the least. His arms were crossed behind his back, right wrist cupped in his left hand. The being upon the throne wore gold. His laughter was colder than anything you had heard in the past.

 

You stumbled in your next step, which caused the laughter to increase. “You’re as stubborn as I remember,” Supreme Leader Snoke said with a chuckle. You frowned at his words, clenching your teeth at the memory of when you had spoken to the enlarged hologram. That was when he had offered you the chance to willingly work with him. To shame your mother. You had refused. Now you could see him in a shade other than blue. His pale flesh. Those teeth that were bared in his grin. Your entire existence amused him.

 

Snoke rose from the throne, and General Hux immediately stopped walking, his frame growing rigid.

 

You found that you could not bring yourself to walk either when Snoke took a step in your direction. The red-armored guards altered their stance. You could see their weapons in your peripheral, yet you could not tear your gaze away from the Supreme Leader of the First Order. This was who had trained Kylo Ren. This was the one you hoped Kylo and Rey could kill together.

 

“It is disappointing that you have no capabilities with the Force,” Snoke said. He angled his body, one shoulder dropping as he tilted his head and stared down at you. “So stubborn. And your training—even that did not allow the others to survive my apprentice’s blade.” As he spoke, he was chuckling. The amusement had died away. The words were genuine; had you possessed Force sensitivity, you would have been even more at this man’s mercy. “As it is, you have proven useful…until he wandered to you rather than remaining here.”

 

You knew what he was speaking of. The moment Kylo Ren had felt the connection with Rey, he had gone to you. Did this mean that Snoke was aware of the connection? You refused to mention it on the off chance that he was not. Regardless, you doubted that General Hux was privy to this information.

 

Snoke turned, walking—pacing, you noted when he took another step. He gestured carelessly in the air with his hand. “He returned.” Another chuckle. “You need not look around for him, he isn’t here.” You barely caught the twitch of his finger before you were yanked forward. You landed on your hands in knees in front of him. You stared at the ground with wide eyes, your heart racing in your chest. “You, however, will be kept here. Take her to his quarters.”

 

You should have known better than to expect Snoke to reveal his full intentions to you. Two of the guards marched your way. Another flick of a finger from the Supreme Leader, and you were on your feet, your upper arms seized by those who would escort you. They shoved at you, turning you. One of the red-armored individuals stepped in front of you while the other remained behind. You did not protest them leading you. General Hux met your eyes; he had predicted this, which is one reason he was not displeased. He _wanted_ you on the _Supremacy_ while he remained on the _Finalizer_. He wanted you to be his eyes here.

 

Ren’s quarters aboard the _Supremacy_ were larger. Only a little less bleak; black and white with hints of red. The table that was across from the bed was something two people could sit at. The guards did not remain with you. The moment you entered, they closed the door. You could hear a code being input on the other side. You were once more a prisoner of the First Order—of Snoke, specifically.

 

This was felt deeply, for as you looked around the empty room, you realized that you had left the tooke hairclip and digital pet aboard the _Finalizer_. You once more had _nothing_. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you stood in the center of Ren’s quarters while being hit with the knowledge that you did not have any of your clothes either. Snoke had effectively stripped away some of the foundations that had been the relationship between you and Kylo. The solitude. The small gifts and gestures. The familiarity of the _Finalizer_.

 

You could not even grab onto the helmet of Darth Vader for something to hold. In here, there was nothing.

 

And you could practically _feel_ Snoke watching you. Whether it was through the Force, even if it was nothing more than your paranoid mind, you felt a violation similar to when Kylo Ren had torn through your memories.

 

There were no ashes in this room either. What a terrible thing to miss, you thought. It had never dawned on you how much comfort you had been given by the remnants of your comrades. A reminder that they were real—had been real, that what you were fighting for, you hadn’t been fighting alone. You felt far more shattered by Snoke’s act of having you trapped here than by the idea that Kylo Ren loved you despite all that had occurred.

 

 _I can be a monster_ , you thought, cupping the back of your neck with both of your hands. _I will help Ren bring Rey here. I will… I will make sure Snoke dies. At what cost? But… But, if I do nothing…_

 

Your yearning for death, for the end of this pain and the reunion with your parents, made itself known like a punch to your gut. You lowered yourself onto the floor, sitting there. It was not death, you noted. It was not that that you wanted. It was your father. You wanted him to help you, to tell you how to make it through all of this. Your father had taught you many things, but most importantly he had taught you to never give up. He had informed you of the ugliness in the world so that you would not become jaded when you encountered it.

 

You were surrounded by monsters that wanted you to join them. General Hux. Kylo Ren. Snoke. How many others? _It doesn’t matter._

 

If Kylo Ren was not a Sith, you doubted that Snoke was considered to be one. He was strong in the Force, this was true. As for _what_ he was, you did not know. And a large part of you did not care.

 

Any person, really, was a monster in the eyes of someone else. Admitting that to yourself hurt, while at the same time you felt a sense of relief. Peace. Had you not already told Kylo Ren that you had known you were something of a monster? You fought them. At the time of your death, you would— _I love you._ You flinched, pushing your palms flat against the floor so that you slid backwards. Your back hit the bedframe.

 

You forced yourself to remember once more how Kylo Ren had taken away your willpower. You called to mind the physical and emotional aches that had resulted from you being compelled to, as he had put it, _desecrate yourself on his weapon_. You touched your lower belly, your hand threatening to shift lower. You had scarred there, too. The injuries had not required stitches, no. But you _had_ torn; your body had not been prepared for the intrusion. Had your mind not been influenced by his will, you believed that you would have torn worse. You would have been struggling.

 

This was the past he wanted you to let die.

 

Strangely…cruelly… Snoke _had_ murdered a part of that past. No tooke hairclip, the one thing that had been yours. A small token. The first indication that you had meant anything to Ren. He thought of you even when away. Was he thinking of you now? You hated it, that your mind was on him. Not only because of the training you had received in the Resistance. This was something more…sentimental.

 

When the door to Kylo Ren’s quarters opened, you expected to see the man himself, if not a droid. You thus scrambled backwards and up onto your feet when the Supreme Leader entered. Behind him were two of the red guards. No, you noted; four. The set that entered behind him, and a pair who remained on the other side when the door slid closed. Whatever he planned to do, it was not something he wished General Hux to see—or hear.

 

“I knew that you would bring him further into the Dark. Passion has that effect.” His grin was as cruel as it had been in the throne room. You found yourself frozen in place by the Force. It terrified you that Snoke did not need to use any gestures. This spoke volumes about his power. The tall man stepped ever closer to you until he was able to touch the side of your face. You would have been trembling in fear if not for being force to remain still. “The jealousy he felt in regards to how your…father…treated you. What he had never had.

 

“And the conflict within him, that he wanted to _take_ from you—a compulsion he had never felt before. The _need_ to have power over you, to make you his. I knew you would try to kill him. Whether you fought against him or gave into him, you led my apprentice further into the Darkness, away from the idea that rejoining the flawed ideology of his parents would be anything but the fool’s errand that it is.

 

“You impressed me—attracting the general’s attention. I hardly had to put in more work to drive the wedge between them further. How well you’ve worked out for me.”

 

He had come here to gloat. He had come here…and instilled a sense of disgust over everything you had done with Ren. Not the moments wherein the two of you had acted as enemies. Snoke’s words were sullying the more tender interactions, the glimpses into Ren’s humanity.

 

“Ben Solo…and you…and, in time, the girl… All handed to me by the Resistance. Light is needed to build the tools that best thrive in the Dark.” Snoke pulled his hand away from you. “Skywalker will fall. The general has your Resistance on a thread. I look forward to seeing Kylo Ren fall further into the Dark… I am curious if you will at last break—be it death, or realizing that the order _I_ will bring has always been the better choice.”


	30. THIRTY

**Three Blind Tooke**

_**Part Two: Precarious Harmony** _

 

Chapter Thirty: Broken Memories

 

Supreme Leader Snoke was far too cruel to allow you to slip away into a state of despair while alone. He lingered there in the quarters of his apprentice, his laughter mocking as he stepped closer to you again. The man would not kneel to anyone. When he wanted to peer at your face, a single finger of his twitched. You rose into the air. It felt like a vice was gripping your arms. The weight was greater than any Kylo Ren had ever placed on you. Your body floated in the air closer to him. Your face was mere inches from his. Snoke lifted a single hand, once more touching your cheek.

 

It felt as though he were looking _through_ you. Into your mind, your memories. His presence served to further pervert them. He voyeuristically rummaged through your head. You could feel him prodding at the memories of Kylo Ren manipulating you with the Force. All those dark deeds. The moments wherein you reacted violently. Each thing that dragged the former Ben Solo further into the Dark side of the Force. Every time he acted as the creature known as Kylo Ren.

 

The pads of three fingers brushed back and forth along your flesh. Snoke was speaking although you could not hear what it was he said. You were whimpering, panting. It _hurt_. Far more intensely than any time Kylo Ren had delved into your head with the mind probe. The Supreme Leader of the First Order did not care if he caused you pain or discomfort. There was no mercy from him.

 

There was a sensation of being torn in half, the barriers in your mind ripped to shreds.

 

 _Ip held onto you, the man having grabbed your shoulders and hauled you backwards when you had lunged for one of your superiors. The woman had not believed you could take it, knowing that Kylo Ren was a human. She doubted that you would be able to pull the trigger when the time came. You refused to be removed from the splinter cell. If Ip had not disagreed with your superior, you would have been. Even still, she claimed that she would be putting a mark in your file. You had given up_ everything _to be where you were._

_Twisting around, you glowered at the man who was training you. “I won’t fail. She’s wrong.”_

_“I know,” he said, his lips sliding into a lazy smirk. “Punching her isn’t going to change that. It’ll get you booted for real.” He shook his head. “You need to think about things beyond Kylo Ren.”_

 

Snoke lingered on these memories of Ip. The man was already dead, having been killed by Kylo Ren, and yet they seemed to hold the Supreme Leader’s interest. Perhaps it was the trust you had placed in Ip. The way you had slept in his bed after some of your nightmares wherein Ren toyed with your innards. Your relationship with your instructor had toed the line of being inappropriate. After he had gone, you had wondered what it would have been like to lose your virginity to him. A quick thought that flittered away without much musing. You had been waiting for the officer who was to be your target to depart from the shuttle. Your scope was trained on the ramp. One of the other officers leaned forward, pressing his lips against those of his female companion. It was in that brief moment that you had thought of Ip. His lips. Then, as your mind flashed to naked flesh and mingled bodies, your target began to walk down the ramp. You returned to the present, your finger pulling the trigger.

 

A hum escaped Snoke as he observed this. The pressure in your mind increased. You were Ren’s prisoner. He had forced you to violate yourself on his lightsaber hilt, and the cell you were in was cold. The first time you were brought to orgasm. Snoke chuckled in unison with his apprentice calling you _Resistance scum_.

 

As with Kylo Ren, Snoke was another individual with whom you refused to beg. He was breaking through so many of your barriers, taking your memories as though you were a book to read at his leisure. There was a pause in the pain when he arrived at the memory you had of Ren bringing you the tooke hairclip.

 

“There it is. His weakness,” Snoke mused. “Compassion.” The fingers on your cheek stroked you again. “You left it on the _Finalizer_. Poor thing—you miss it.” You felt like a speck of dirt as he chuckled at your expense again.

 

With a wave of his hand, you were moved away from him, pushed down onto the bed. You knit your brow as sweat gathered on your flesh. Snoke slipped into a new corridor of your mind. This time he was exploring your childhood. It was before the Resistance, pre-Kylo Ren. You were so small—and your father. Your father was alive He was one person you did not want Snoke to touch. The creature toying with you had to know this, and yet he did not care. If anything, it caused the cranial pressure to increase. He _wanted_ to shatter any barrier you attempted to place before him. You could not protect the memory of your father, and that stung.

 

_Your father poured the brown liquid into the two cups. You had your arms crossed in front of yourself, hands patting the counter as you wiggled in your seat, swinging your legs back and forth. In your excitement, you were unable to keep still. Your mother had made you cocoa in the past, however your father had informed you that this was a special blend. It would be more delicious, he promised. You missed the traces of fear in his eyes, the man worried that you would be disappointed. Licking your lips, you perked up. Your father slid your glass closer to you._

_As you were about to take a sip, he reminded you to be patient. His laughter reached your ears, causing you to scrunch up your nose and giggle in delight. “I wanna taste it!” you said, bouncing in your seat again._

_“Blow on it first,” he said with a fond smile. He then puckered his lips, releasing a steady stream of air. You mimicked his actions. The water was not boiling hot; he knew of your limited patience, and so had heated the liquid only enough that it would taste right._

_When your father lifted his cup, you copied this too. You drank some of the liquid, your pupils dilating. A squeal of joy left you. It was delicious! Your favorite flavor of hot chocolate. “I love it!” you said, flashing him a tooth-filled grin. Your father returned your smile, albeit with a closed mouth. He stared at you with affection, reaching forward with his free hand and caressing the side of your head. You were drinking more of the liquid, and yet you still leaned into his touch._

 

“There it is,” Snoke said.

 

The ceiling had become a blur through your tears. Sobs wracked your frame. The pain of the tendrils lancing through you subsided, however the agony remained. The sensation of being violated. The knowledge that _this_ was how Kylo Ren had known your favorite flavor of hot chocolate. He had, at one point, seen this memory. When? When had he seen it?

 

“He hated you for this,” the man in gold said. “It was the first memory that grabbed his attention when he was in your head. I remember my apprentice thinking it was nothing, that it had no effect on him. And yet _I_ knew better. This would fuel his hatred for his father. Han Solo was not like the man who raised you. Ren was jealous. His envy festering. He saw that little girl—and he wanted to shatter her.

 

“Such…darkness.” It felt as though you could not breathe. Your chest tightened, throat clenching around nothing. Snoke was not manipulating the Force, or at least not in any way that influenced _you_. What was grasping you now was utter agony.

 

Kylo Ren _had_ shattered that little girl with his actions. By merely existing, by turning away from the Light, he had, in essence, altered you. You were not that little girl. War had ensured that you would grow up into someone different.

 

He had seen that little girl—is that why he had purchased the tooke hair clip? Not only because he had stolen away your future, any chance you had of giving birth to a daughter or child of your own; but because he had seen the child version of you. He had _hated_ you. That rang through your mind, mingling with Kylo Ren’s admission: _I saw that I would care for you, tooke_.

 

But it was true, wasn’t it? Snoke was not in any way lying.

 

I wanted to destroy you in order to…make you…unlovable.

 

It had never sunk so deeply into you that his sentiments had formed based on jealousy. He had seen you as a little girl; while attempting to break through the woman you had become to gain access to information on the Resistance, he had caught glimpses of your past. Your relationship with your father, something he had not had. The creature of darkness had wanted to kill the child within you. Destroy that smiling face.

 

Why had he bothered to purchase the tooke hairclip? This question you found yourself asking anew. The man who had admitted his love for you was a stranger. You did not know him, not really. He knew you though. It was terrifying to you. How much of you did he know?

 

The sound of the door the closing registered in your head. You had not realized that Supreme Leader Snoke and his guards had made to leave Kylo Ren’s quarters. It was not loneliness that you felt in the absence of his presence. Nor was it a sense of peaceful solitude. Tears were pouring from your eyes. There were pieces of your memories popping at random. As though Snoke _had_ shattered your mind, and you didn’t know how to pick them up—those pieces. You had no idea how to sort through them. Were you to rearrange them? Discard them?

 

That smiling, laughing little girl sipping hot chocolate with her father.

 

That was you. That _had been_ you. It wasn’t you. Not anymore.

 

You wrapped your arms around your midsection, rolling over and dragging your knees up towards your belly. Your face was buried against the mattress. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to _exist_. In all the time you had been with Kylo Ren, you had never realized how _hateful_ and _envious_ he had been. How much he had grabbed at you, dragging you down to his level. He had turned you into this monster that was willing to use Rey as a tool. He had taken that little girl and transformed her into something else.

 

 _He hated you for this_.

 

That you had been happy? That you had once been a child filled with hope and love?

 

 _Let the past die_.

 

Hadn’t he already killed it—your past? It was sullied by his deeds, by Snoke’s invasion into your mind. There was no apology from him. He had sunk his claws into you, and—

 

“Tooke.”

 

You did not want to be a tooke, a small creature that was easily maimed. A tooka, at least, had claws. This rancor would devour you, killing you while also sacrificing its own life. Toxic. Self-destructive. Selfish.

 

It hurt to breathe, much less shift away from the touch of his hand on your back. The mattress shifted under his added weight. The undulation made you sick to your stomach

Your skin felt as though it were on fire. His touch _burned_ , and yet you did not have the strength the bat it away. Kylo Ren brushed at your hair. A light pressure on the back of your neck felt as though something scalding hot had met your flesh. You trembled. Then found that your body could not stop shaking. Your teeth clattered noisily together. Two hands were on you now, manipulating your body, rolling you onto your back.

 

Vision blurred from your tears, you sobbed and stared up at him. His face was distorted. Yet he seemed as though he, too, had cried. There was a redness to his eyes, although you could not tell if this was due to your own current state. You could be seeing things that were not that. Not that it mattered to you. You wished Kylo Ren would leave you. He was no longer the person you believed you had come to know. This was not the man who had claimed to love you nor the creature who had once pierced you with his plasma blade. He was…a stranger.

 

The sensation of being in bed with a stranger remained as you continued to lay there with him. Kylo Ren had lowered himself onto the mattress beside you, though his body was angled away from yours. He was speaking to you, and you wished he would stop. That soft voice whispered of the connection he had with Rey, musing how she searched even now for a father figure—such a punch to the gut this was for you. Han Solo then Luke. You agonized over the memory of _your_ father that had been perverted by Snoke. You could not tell Kylo Ren this; he had to know already that Snoke had been inside your head. He was being far too careful, too gentle…as though he truly did care for you. The thought made you gag, which hurt your throat.

 

Then there it was. Kylo Ren admitting aloud that he was a monster. There was this thickness to his voice that allowed you to know he _had_ shed tears. These were words he had said to the girl, Rey. Admitting that he was a monster. How long ago had the connection taken place? It hardly mattered in the longrun.

 

You parted your lips to release a small sigh whilst staring up at the ceiling. This bed was larger than the one you had shared with him on the _Finalizer_ or even on Starkiller. It would allow for there to be a larger gap of distance between your body and his. Despite this, he did not allow for a larger separation. The mattress shifted enough for you to feel the moment the man tensed. You heard a sharp inhalation of breath, and your eyes turned to him. Your mind took longer to process what was occurring. Yet when it did…

 

This complicated connection, the bridge between his mind and the girl’s, was something you found yourself growing envious of. You longed to be connected to someone from the Resistance. A mind outside of the First Order. This was another thing that drove the wedge between you and the Kylo Ren you had slowly come to know. This was an aspect of him that now made him a stranger. There was something far less intimate in sharing his bed. He wanted to use you to turn Rey into a tool. And you… You would not be able

to see the changes in the woman, not really. Even if you did one day look upon her face, you would not have seen who she had been before the influence.

 

You would never know the girl she had been, which parts of her would forever be shattered.

 

Lying there, you waited for Kylo Ren to speak. You could see his eyes moving about in the darkness of the room. His nose scrunching for a moment, the same it did whenever you had referred to him as a _monster_. This woman truly was like you in many respects then. You longed to meet her, wished that you, too, had a connection so that you could at last decide how deeply you wanted to be involved in Kylo Ren’s plot to bring her closer. Snoke _did_ need to die, this was a certainty.

 

“I am listening.” Softly spoken though with an edge of annoyance. Kylo Ren shifted on the bed again, his hand reaching to the side and touching your hip. “Yes. From the Resistance.”

 

If you had not known of the connection with Rey, you would have believed that Kylo had lost his mind. He did not talk in his sleep, and he was clearly awake. You looked around, as though you could somehow peer through whatever distance it was that separated you and Rey. It was the only thing your exhausted mind wanted. The sliver of hope that her existence offered. The hope that all you endured would be worth it in the end.

 

“A little tooke.”

 

Your heart fluttered in your chest as you realized that the girl from Jakku was asking about you. The way Kylo Ren sat up, his brow knitting as though he was not accustomed to anything less than animosity from her—you knew that she was genuinely curious, and this _baffled_ him. Perhaps he was thinking of the way he had taunted and teased you about her. He may not have realized that there could be a possibility that Rey would become genuinely intrigued by you. His was a selfish love, you remembered. He did love you in a way; and he loved the idea that Rey would join him in changing the galaxy and ruling over it.

 

There was nothing tangible for you to hold onto anymore; Snoke had ensured that this was so. All that had been building between you and Ren had shattered, the shards cutting deeply as you tried to sort through the pieces. He would not leave your side; he had proven this by revealing your existence to the girl you had never met. So much had been taken from you, and you thus grasped desperately onto hope, onto all that Rey did and could represent. “Is she being trained?” The words tumbled out of your mouth. In the past, you may have despised the idea that you could sound so desperate and hopeful. Your throat felt raw, and it only then dawned on you that you had been screaming in pain when Snoke had been assaulting you, had been tearing through your memories. Ren’s eyes flicked to you then returned straight ahead. “Kylo, is—“

 

“Shh, tooke.” The muscles in your legs tensed up. You lurched forward, shoving at his chest. He rocked but a little. You had hardly expected there to be any results. You were sore, exhausted. “No. She—what of Skywalker?” A pause. “We aren’t speaking of her.”

 

“Kylo!” The way he swayed gave the impression that your calling his name had occurred in unison with Rey referring to him in some way as well; be it _monster_ or _Kylo_ , you did not know. One thing was for certain, however, and that was the way his bottom lip began to pucker forward in a pout. He did not want to be sidelined, to play the middleman. A selfish part of you, which was growing in size, hardly cared. You wanted to know what she was saying, to form a bond with her. She was your hope, what was keeping you from falling into a pit of despair as Snoke threatened to take away all that could mean anything at all to you. He had already robbed you of so much.

 

Allowing his head to loll to the side, Kylo Ren heaved out a sigh. “She survived my blade. A splinter cell of the Resistance, devoted to killing me.” Another pause as the other woman spoke. “Yes. I am a monster—and tooke…claims that she slays them.” His lips curled upwards in amusement. You wondered if he realized he had allowed fondness to slip into his tone as he uttered your nickname. Rey must have heard it as well; she had to have commented on it. If not for the darkness in the room, you knew that you would have seen his face grow pale. “She would not join you.”

 

“Yes, I would,” you said, feeling your heart beginning to race anew. The Resistance would consider sidelining you. They would not find you worthy to join them in the same capacity that you had been prior to becoming Kylo Ren’s prisoner or guest. But Rey… She wanted you. Kylo scowled, the man glowering as he sent you a look of warning. “I would join her in a heartbeat. I love her.”

 

“You don’t love her, you haven’t met her,” he countered—and immediately realized his mistake. His eyes widened, and he looked in the direction of Rey. There was a sort of snap, the man jerking as though some door had been slammed. The connection was ended, although you did not know if it had been due to either his or her will. “You should not cling to her for hope, tooke. Not until she learns.”

 

Learns to submit to Kylo Ren? Learns to join the Dark side? Learns…what?

 

You wanted to ask him, and yet you doubted that he would give you a truthful response. He could not chance you learning too much, not with you now in such close proximity to Supreme Leader Snoke. You being present during his conversation with Rey was risk enough.

 

With the connection broken, however, you found that it hardly mattered in the end. This man transformed once more into being a stranger. A monster, as he had claimed. The monster who had seen the memories you had once held—a little girl with her father. You curled up and rolled onto your side to face away from him. There was an immediate shift on the bed, his body pressed up against yours. You felt the fire of contact. Behind you, he said something and yet your ears failed to catch what it was. A repetition allowed you to know. Your name. “Don’t call me that,” you said, your mind flashing to the moment with your father.

 

 _He hated you for this_.

 

More than anything, you missed having an ally you could trust with your life. For all the honesty that has been in Kylo Ren’s declaration of love for you, they could never erase that moment where he had hated you. Despised you enough to act on his jealousy. Perhaps he had hesitated when seeking to violate you; yet that hesitation had not ultimately prevented him from hurting you. It was now that you found you would not be able to kill the past that existed between you. Even with everything changing now that Snoke had had General Hux bring you aboard the _Supremacy_ , there were things that refused to fade. And despite the man being almost a stranger to you know, you remained well-acquaintanted enough to be aware that if you spoke these thoughts aloud, he would accuse you of not trying hard enough.

 

Kylo Ren did not repeat your name. Nor did he draw away from you. If anything, he pressed closer. You breathed unevenly, lips parting as you attempted to drag in more air. The pain would not leave you. A small part of you did not shy away from his attentions. That heated touch kept you grounded.

 

You sifted through the pieces of your memories, mingling them with the hope of Rey. They were somehow ties together, Ren and Rey. And you...you were somewhere with them, wrapped up in their story as General Hux greedily latched onto the loose threads of your strings. He wanted you to spy on Snoke, the very being who had so easily shattered what had been left of your resolve.

 

Would all of this hurt as much if you had lost your virginity to Ip instead of the creature you has hunted for so long?

 

It would have been worse, you mused; Kylo Ren had murdered Ip. That would have torn you into pieces. And perhaps the Force user never would have touched you. Maybe you would have burned with your allies. Without a fear to touch yourself...he may have used your father against you. Ip.

 

_Objectify and demonize._

 

The words rang through clear in your head. You gripped these pieces of memory tightly. It was Kylo Ren’s voice, a moment with him that Snoke could never destroy. Honesty, cruel and logical. Supreme Leader Snoke had done just this, hadn't he? Objectified _you_. Demonized _your_ memories and any hope you could potentially place in Kylo Ren. This stranger, this creature...this man who was perhaps one of the few who _could_ stand a chance against Snoke.

 

You thought of the tooke hairclip, only to recoil. Hot chocolate laced with sedatives. He had hated you for that memory with your father, and yet how _desperately_ he has latched onto it, had carried it with him. Envious. Wanting.

 

It was...sad.

 

You had hated him as well, this was another truth. When you had learned of Kylo Ren’s past as Ben Solo, a spark of pity had blossomed within you. Snoke threatened to snuff it out, using your hatred and hurt as a weapon against you. He was an experienced puppet master. Had he not already admitted to driving a wedge between Kylo Ren and General Hux? A wedge based on hatred. On fear. On perverting anything that may have otherwise brought them together, united against Snoke himself.

 

This knowledge did little to lessen the discomfort you felt when the man behind you slipped an arm underneath your body. He again rolled you over, this time ensuring that you faced him. You did not have the strength to fight him. His movements did not stop there. He cradled your body, gentle in a way you were vaguely familiar with now, as he maneuvered the blankets downwards. He pushed them past the weight of your body and laid your head upon the pillow. Ren appeared to sense that your pain was a combination of emotional and physical hurts. He refrained from saying your name again, did not address you as _tooke_ either.

 

His eyes would not leave you. You could see him in your peripheral, the way he was propped up and observing your every action. Each breath you took. Every time you blinked. The way more tears slipped from your eyes, though this time not enough to distort your vision as badly as before. Kylo seemed to be trying to discern what it was, exactly, that Snoke had done to you. What he had dragged _from_ you. Short of him forcing his way into your head, he would not be given the answer so easily. Oh, he would speculate. He had to be trying to piece it all together. The way you vehemently refused to release the idea of Rey, that you loved what she stood for.

 

She was your hope, and Ren was not. That had to hurt him, a blow to his pride. That Rey seemed to reciprocate your interest—did Ren despise this, or was it something that would grow on him?

 

Kylo Ren lifted the sheet, covering your body with it. The material stopped at the middle of your arm. That you continued to ache as a result of Snoke’s intrusion revealed to you that Ren _had_ held back at times. He could have destroyed your mind similarly, albeit not as efficiently, as his master had. His attempts to dig into your head for information on the Resistance—he had been distracted many times by the memories you had put forth. Such as the one of your father and the hot chocolate. For Snoke, it had been what he was looking for, and that was why he had paused there.

 

“It feels like it all exploded. There’s…everything’s scrambled. Broken.” The thickness in your throat increased, threatening to choke you. You dropped your voice to a whisper though it had already been quiet. “You’re the monster who killed my childhood.”

 

Air escaped him in an audible _whoosh_. Ren cradled your head in one hand. You noticed only now that he was not wearing his gloves. He must have removed the layer of leather upon seeing you on the bed. How had you missed this? The Force user pulled away from you, rising from the bed so that the mattress shifted. You swallowed thickly, forcing bile back down as its rocking irritated you. He was speaking into something. A comlink. You heard something about food and a physician or med droid.

 

You felt worse than when he had given you a concussion. Your thoughts were beginning to meld together. Now that there was a lack of adrenaline pumping coursing through you—Rey was not connected with Ren, not speaking to him, which meant little excitement or hope for you—you were spiraling downwards. Again scrambling with the pieces of everything Snoke had shattered. The barriers. Your moments with Kylo Ren. Your interactions with General Hux. Your father. Your mother. The Resistance.

 

 _On a thread_.

 

The sheet felt hot on your skin. Yet you were shaking, trembling. Hot and cold at the same time. The strain that had been placed on your body due to Snoke’s invasion was too much for you to handle. You silently cursed your limitations, never having felt them quite as you now did. Kylo Ren returned to you. This time when he grabbed the sheet, it was to remove it from your body. Both of his arms slipped underneath you. With little effort, he lifted you up off the bed and carried you in the direction of the refresher. You were laid down on the floor. Next you heard water running. Doors opening. The sound of a droid entering the man’s quarters. Footsteps.

 

A fever, the med droid chirped. You had already come to this conclusion. Kylo Ren must have as well, the man setting a cold, damp washcloth on your wrist in an attempt to bring down your temperature.

 

“Administer medication to—“

 

“Supreme Leader Snoke has forbidden the treatment of Resistance scum,” the droid responded, cutting off Kylo Ren.

 

It now made sense. You being brought aboard the _Supremacy_. Snoke visiting you in Kylo Ren’s quarters. He wanted to show his apprentice just how helpless and…weak…he was. Compassion was Kylo Ren’s weakness, though he experienced it rarely. He had not reacted kindly to your previous death. You wondered, feverishly, how he would react this time.

 

With a curse leaving his lips, Kylo Ren grabbed his shirt, pulling it off. He kicked off his shoes as well, working himself out of his pants and then beginning to strip you. Kylo Ren cradled you as lukewarm water lapped at your skin. The footsteps you had heard coming from the quarters now entered the refresher. A cup of flavored ice chips was placed on the edge of the tub. You could smell the sickeningly sweet flavor syrup. You moaned, feeling the body behind you shift. Ren grabbed the spoon that was in the cup, scooping up some of the ice chip and slipping them into your mouth. You swallowed, gagging and choking. Some slipped out of your mouth and into the water that was filling the bath.

 

You could not focus on anything, not fully. The exhaustion only grew. You were _tired_.

 

_Your mother helped to adjust your arms as you attempted to mimic the dance you had observe. It was a traditional dance of Naboo, and you had asked to learn. Your father was sitting in a chair, humming as he watched you with your mother. You felt your cheeks growing hot as you listened to your mother’s critique. The next time you positioned your hands, your mother did not correct you. You smiled and felt pleased with yourself. She began to lead you in the dance._

 

It had been the same dance that Kylo Ren had led you in one you were his prisoner.

 

_You sat beside your father as he recounted a tale from the Rebellion. It was one your mother had told you, one of your favorites. Mon Mothma had shared it with her, a story of Leia Organa. It was one more girlish thing that you enjoyed, the tale of a princess falling in love with a smuggler as they fought against the evil empire. When it was mentioned that they had a child together, you shook your head. You didn’t want to hear about the son—you wanted the war stories. The tales of love, of daring adventures. The son, a boy named Ben Solo, was the aftermath. That wasn’t the part that grabbed you. You wanted to hear of heroes, not their children._

 

The sound of metal creaking…denting…hisses of electricity. A droid screaming. Theses noises momentarily lured you back into the present. The med droid had repeated its refusal to treat you, and thus it was being assault with the Force. Another spoonful of ice chips was shoveled into your mouth. You did not have the strength to chew. Kylo Ren tilted back your head. Your throat bobbed, the liquid slipping down as the chips melted. There was a gurgle of the water being drained. Next came the sound of more being poured in. The temperature was a little cooler than it had been the previous time. Or perhaps your fever was dwindling. You could not say.

 

_More often than not, your mother did not bring you along when she was traveling with the Naboo senator. Your father would watch you when you were not in school. This time, however, both you and your father were going along. You caught the tail end of a discussion regarding who would be present. The former-smuggler, Han Solo, was teaching children about racing. Though you always enjoyed tales of his heroics, the idea of racing did not interest you much. Namely because you were aware your mother would never allow you to participate. You would have to run away if you ever wished to do something of that nature._

_Leia Organa was there as well. You assumed that their son would be present, or else he could be with tutors—you had never paid much attention to what sort of upbringing he was experiencing._

_The planet, though warm to many, was cooler than Naboo. You greedily soaked in the sun whenever you found patches of light. Your mother was occupied with her duty, and your father, though nearby, was content with taking some down side to read an article regarding some of the races. There were children your age playing. A few had attempted to engage you, and though you had politely responded, you remained alone. One of the boys in a group of children threw back his head and laughed as he scored a point in whatever game they were playing. You found yourself looking his way._

_He seemed so proud of himself. The children with him were grinning, no one being a sore loser although one of the other boys pushed at his arm. The first boy—dark haired, brown eyed—returned the shove. Not malicious. Typical rough housing, which you had observed even on Naboo. They broke apart, the smaller, lighter haired boy rolling away. The dark-haired child leapt onto his feet, pausing when his eyes landed on you. He blinked, tilting his head to the side as he gazed at you with an air of curiosity._

_You squirmed under his scrutiny, hating the attention. In an attempt to dissuade him from looking much longer, you stuck out your tongue. The boy wrinkled his nose in delight, mimicking the gesture then laughing. He shook his head, turning away from you and running to rejoin the group, which had already started to walk away so that they could retrieve the ball they were playing with._

_Alone once more, you curled up on the grass to continue soaking up the sun. The darkness behind your closed eyes grew. You furrowed your brow, peeking open one eye. Your other eye snapped open, a gasp escaping you as lips neared yours—your father shouted, and the boy startled before he could kiss you. He looked over his shoulder at your father. Your heart was racing in your chest. The boy was on his hands and knees behind you. You tilted back your head to better peer up at him. His cheeks were red with embarrassment over being chastised by your father._

_“A…a dare!” he shouted back when your father repeated the question: what did he think he was doing? The dark-haired boy pointed in the direction of the group of children, all of whom were giggling and cackling like mad._

_“This is one dare you are_ not _going to complete,” your father said, keeping his tone level without being overly threatening. The boy nodded, seeming properly chastened. When he looked down at you, however, there was a mischievous glint in his eye. He puckered his lips, made a smacking sound, and then laughed when you squealed with indignation. The boy leapt up to his feet and ran off. This time, he did not return._

 

When you awoke, you were dressed in a loose shirt; one of Kylo Ren’s shirts, and nothing more. Your body and head both throbbed, sensations of pain lancing through you when you shifted. You groaned, earning a sigh from the body that was beside you. Kylo reached past you, the tips of his fingers meeting your lips as he murmured _she’s awake_. You did not need to ask to know that he was currently in a chat session with Rey. That he made note of your state allowed for the awareness that Rey had been asking after you.

 

“You knew how to treat a fever like this…” His tone was thoughtful. “I told you… I had no shirt because I was taking care of her.” Ren again sighed, acting for all the world like he was dealing with an obstinate child. “Yes, she knows I killed him.”

 

She was asking about Han Solo, questioning whether or not you were aware that the man in bed with you had killed his father. It was… It was tender and sweet, the way she cared for you already despite having never met you. It increased your longing to meet her. At the same time, you worried that her knowledge of your presence—your existence—was doing nothing more than humanizing Kylo Ren to her; that she would be drawn into the Dark side of the Force.

 

But what if she truly _could_ help him realize the fault in his ways? You had for so long attempted to tell him the flaws of the First Order, just the same as he had attempted to do so with you in regards to the Resistance.

 

“Sore,” you murmured hoarsely, your hand going to your throat. Kylo Ren twisted, grabbed something—as the mattress shifted, a cup entered your line of vision. He did not relinquish it into your hold, instead aiding you in taking a drink. He narrated what he was doing to Rey. Unlike their previous connection, Kylo Ren seemed to be less tense. There was a level of trust building between them, although you knew that Rey was not fully swayed. She was likely wondering how a Resistance member like you was still alive. You, meanwhile, wondered just how much Ren had already told her. “How is she?” It hurt to talk, and yet you were too curious to refrain from asking the question.

 

Ren’s lips separated from one another though no words escaped him. His eyes flicked from your face to an empty portion of the room, presumably where he could see Rey. You wished that the woman could see you. Her genuine concern for you was touching. It made you want to survive, refueled your desire to win against Snoke. Though living continued to be an agonizing experience, you would do just that—for the Resistance, for the galaxy, for Rey. Kylo Ren frowned whilst sliding his gaze back to you.

 

Rey appeared to be warming up to the connection they shared, even if she—here you were assuming things—hated the man for having killed his father. She at least held a grudge against him. Yet her focus was _not_ on Kylo Ren; it was on you. And Kylo did not know how he felt about that. You had been his tool to re-familiarize himself with being referred to as Ben. He had known that Rey and you would meet. Perhaps it was that you had never returned his declaration of love. No…you had instead admitted a love of sorts for the girl. Her interest in you—you doubted it was sexual or romantic in nature. The two of you were bonded via your interactions with this man. The human side of him. The monstrous side. You had both, in your own ways, caught glimpses of these different aspects. Now you sought one another out, although not only to compare notes but to appreciate each other.

 

You searched Kylo Ren’s face, observing the way his expression softened when his eyes landed on you. His concern was genuine. Maker, that must be so baffling to Rey. She had witnessed this man murder his own father, and now she was forced to see this softness. As much as he had complicated _you_ , how much had he altered _her_?

 

“She is disappointed in Skywalker—I knew she would be.” It was not gloating, though his tone did suggest a level of arrogance. As though he knew something that Rey was oblivious to. His eyes darted back to her. You wondered what her response had been. Hurt? Anger? A combination? “No. Tooke has no idea.” A snort. “He didn’t tell you.” As Rey clearly responded to him again, Kylo Ren smiled contemptuously. Likely at some memory of his uncle. “No…there is nothing for her to covet in terms of Han Solo. Her father was present.” Something that toed the line of sympathy crossed his features. As though they commiserated with one another. It brought to mind your encounter with Snoke.

 

_He hated you for this._

 

You couldn’t help but think Rey would resent you on some level for having experienced something she never could. Because, even if she were to find her parents now, she could not redo her childhood. No one could, not really.

 

“I did… I despised her.” You sucked in air, the familiar sensation of tears forming assaulting you. “No—you haven’t met her, that’s how I know.” His scowl was returning. Your eyes followed his. Where he saw Rey, you saw only empty space. “Oh, are you?” Challenging. You could hear the edge of irritation. “Perhaps she’d disappoint you.”

 

“What—“ His gaze snapped to you, his body growing rigid as he assumed a defensive posture. Though he wanted both you and Rey as his allies, he did not want either of you to overshadow him in the eyes of each other. “Don’t push her away. I… I need something…some _one_ to hold onto.”

 

“You will…know one another,” Kylo Ren said, his jealousy ebbing. Once more, he looked to Rey. “She does…care for you…as well.” His nose scrunched as he spoke, the almost-foreign taste of sentiment on his tongue. You could imagine the expression of surprise on Rey’s face, though you did not know what her face looked like. It was a blurry figure in your mind. You tried to piece her together. Did she do the same with you? The two of you attempting to reach out to one another. It was difficult to think of her as some tool to destroy Snoke now. You appreciated this. It was what you wanted, to be able to hope for her to come without objectifying her. She was more than just some means of defeating Snoke and the First Order. She was a person who returned your curiosity. “For answers?”

 

You doubted that he received a response from Rey. Their connection must have ended; why else would he have suddenly dropped his gaze to his lap? Kylo Ren spoke aloud, as though voicing his thoughts would help him to understand them. Rey had been less hostile, more open to the idea that Luke Skywalker might not be all that he had seemed, all that she had heard and fallen in love with. Seeing Ren caring for you, watching as he listened to her instructions to help bring down your fever, Rey had lowered some of her defenses. She was afraid of something—something that was _calling_ to her. This she did not admit aloud, however Kylo Ren could sense it. It was not only in regards to Skywalker, about what Ren himself had been hinting. Rey was searching for answers of her own. Her past. Her family, her parents.

 

She was going somewhere, to this place that was calling to her.

 

What was she going to find, you wondered. Would it sway her? Would it pull her closer to the former Ben Solo? The selfish side of you wanted this.

 

Kylo Ren placed the back of his hand on your forehead. You winced at the contact, and laid your head on the pillow again. He was staring down at you. It reminded you of the dream you had had, that moment that may or may not have been a true memory. The little boy above you. Mischievous. Your eyes roamed along his face now.

 

“How can you care for someone you have never met?” he asked. His voice was _just_ above a true whisper.

 

You shook your head, albeit slowly and not by much. “People fall in love with ideas all the time.” It made for a lonely life, you reflected, when reality did not live up to the fantasy or legend. How different was Luke Skywalker from the stories you had heard? What was it that Kylo Ren was holding back—not just from you, but from Rey as well? Pressing for her to ask Luke about something. Brown eyes swept down to your lips. “ _Did_ we meet before?” You hadn’t remembered that moment, if it was true, until Snoke had shattered the memories surrounding it. Was it nothing more than a fever-induced dream.

 

You felt an alteration in the movement of the ship you were on. From hyperspace to real space. Kylo Ren shifted off the bed, his attention drawn away from you. He stood, walking to the center of the room. It was there that he cocked his head. You, meanwhile, held your breath, listening for them—there they were. The sounds of destruction. You pushed at the sheets then found yourself frozen. Kylo Ren curled his fingers, tightening the hold on your body as he kept you from leaping to your feet, from getting out of bed. You wanted to scream. Even if Rey _did_ come, she would see her allies— _your_ allies—destroyed.

 

You hoped that whatever answers she was searching for, that she found them…and soon. Without her—without Luke Skywalker as well—what hope did the Resistance have to survive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, pretty much, what I did with the TLJ timeline here is change it a bit so that Rey and Ren have had a few more connections with one another BEFORE the First Order is using their "thread" to catch the Resistance. This allows for Rey's trip to where the Resistance is to better correlate with Finn being on his mission. Otherwise, for me, the timeline was a little wonky as for the 18 hours of fuel vs Rey and Ren having days of connections. There ARE going to be more changes from hereon out. This is where we're fully delving into the canon-divergence.
> 
> (Just want to make sure we're all on the same page, that way no one is all "This isn't how TLJ happened...what's going on?" Yes, things are in a different order)


	31. THIRTY-ONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During most of the brainstorming as well as part of the writing for this chapter, I listened to 'Wicked Game' by Ursine Vulpine feat. Annaca

** Three Blind Tooke **

_Part Two: Precarious Harmony_

Chapter Thirty-One: The Pieces Falling Into Place

The mind is quite adept at processing sounds, the meaning behind what is heard. It is equally capable of dismissing noises. Blasts and TIE Fighter screams faded away as you stared directly ahead of yourself. The wall was dark, not only in color but in mood—if such surfaces could have a mood. You felt empty as you beheld it, though. It contrasted with the memories you had of Naboo, and those were what were drowning out the fight that you could not see but still hear. Mentally returning to your planet after such an absence, you marveled over the greenery. More than that, the colors of the various flowers that were growing in your backyard. You walked through the grass with bare feet. Every fourth step found you squatting or else genuflecting. You tentatively reached forward the first time to pinch the neck of a flower. It was easy to snap the neck. The blossom shot forward then plopped on the ground under the influences of gravity. For your second act of desecrating the life blooming within your backyard, you added pressure lower on the stem. It bent in half, partly connected yet dead.

Whereas in reality Kylo Ren stood to your left, here in your mind he was behind you. The helmet that had plagued your nightmares was no longer destroyed. He wore it. Not that you could see it, no, but you could _hear_ the distorted breathing. The static-like crackling that had always complimented the electric hum of his plasma blade.

You were with your enemy, this was entirely true. That part was not fictional. The flowers you killed were the lives that you imagined were being snuffed out with each attack. Kylo Ren caused the landscape of your mental haven to warp as he walked by. The door to his quarters opened then closed. He was gone from the room, however not from your backyard. The altered breathing aided in calming you. You dug the very tip of your nail into the stalk of another flower, severing it in half. The figment-Kylo walked up to your side, his arm reaching past you and a flick of his fingers bending three flowers. He always could kill with less hesitation. More damage at a quicker rate.

The door to Kylo Ren’s quarters opened once more. You allowed yourself to be drawn fully into the present. The Force user carried in his arms a First Order uniform jacket, which was appropriate given how you suddenly felt quite cold indeed. You could see boots peeking out from underneath the material of the jacket. There was no pressure on you holding you down; he absence of it despite Ren’s return encouraged you to slip off of the bed. You swayed in place. Kylo was less interested in steadying you than he was in grabbing hold of your arms and working them into the sleeves of the jacket. As for the boots, those had been allowed to drop to the floor. You did not fight him, though you did not help him either. You were far more concerned with searching his face in an attempt to discern what he was planning.

His hands cupped along your wrists. The pressure ruffled the material of the jacket you wore, pushing it upwards to expose your wrists. Kylo Ren did not break eye contact with you. Your heart fluttered in your chest then resumed a more steady rhythm. Had the last of the Resistance been slaughtered? You could not hear any more TIEs screaming. There was a distinct absence of blaster fire. Nor were there any alarms blaring. You held your breath. There were no cheers. No sounds of celebration.

You did not look away even as you lowered yourself to the ground, much similarly to how you had in your head when killing flowers. Now, however, it was the sides of the boot that you grabbed hold of. You tugged the footwear on; the boots were half a size too large.

“Are you going to make me watch them die?” you asked. Your throat felt dry, which showed in the way that your voice cracked when you spoke. Ren rotated his wrist, his hand proffered with its palm face up. You accepted his offer to assist you to your feet; you did not trust the strength of your legs alone.

Though his lips parted, several seconds elapsed before Kylo said, “He may.” If you had touched ice, you may have been warmer. The sudden chill that invaded your body could not be kept out by the jacket you wore. You flinched, the jerking motion drawing your hand out of his grasp. “I will not bring you to the Supreme Leader.” His voice had dropped in volume, a feat in itself given that he had already been close to whispering. The knowledge that you were to be taken to General Hux was hardly any consolation. Your teeth clattered noisily together. You narrowed your eyes, head shaking from side to side as your lips formed around the syllable of _no_ repeatedly.

You did not know what it was that Kylo Ren had planned; that he would be willing to entrust you in the care of General Hux as a means of keeping you from Snoke, though, was proof that it would change everything.

“You can stand there as your mother is killed…” You peered up into his face. Where he had moments that could pass as being tender with you, it was equally true that he was the individual who had claimed countless lives. He was dark. He was dark, your mind repeated, and yet there were occasions when he hesitated. If your memory was not false when it came to how he had forced you to violate yourself on his weapon, if that memory was true then it meant that he truly was capable of love. Kylo Ren narrowed his eyes at your words. “I don’t want to watch that, Ren. I… She brought me so much hope.”

In contrast with your history, he did not belittle you nor the general of the Resistance. You waited for it. For him to insult her. For him to speak of how your hope for so many years had been false. Kylo Ren disappointed you in this. He did not say anything derogatory in regards to his mother.

His hesitancy to admit affection for General Leia Organa did not entirely surprised you. For so long over the course of your complicated relationship with him as his prisoner and guest, you had endured the times he had verbally lashed out against what she stood for. In retrospect, he had been behaving as nothing more than a scolded child. Kylo Ren possessed a connection to Leia, a bond, that he did his damnedest to shy away from and attempt to break. The manner in which his lips drew apart and his entire body slumped, this sight reminded you that on some level he would always be Ben Solo. There was light in the greatest depths of darkness. You tore away your gaze so that you would not be blinded by this spark.

It was preferable to you to stare at the floor while he gathered himself together. This moment of sentimentality could be construed as weakness; you _feared_ that it would cause him to fail in defeating Snoke when at last he made his move. So instead, from your limited knowledge of the Dark side, you reached for an alternative.

“When you learned that my father was dead, did it make you happy? I know hated my relationship with him. I know the memory you saw… The hot chocolate. You _really_ did hate me.”

“I made certain _you_ would not remember,” Kylo Ren murmured. Your gaze flicked to the toes of his boots. “A simple order. You would not recall that he was dead. You would not talk about it. I did not want to hear about your love for him.”

You bit down on the insides of your lips whilst taking a second to breathe through your emotions. Ren’s hatred of the bond you had with your father had obtained another level, at least insofar as your comprehension of it. It contrasted his connection with Han Solo while highlighting the bond he had shared—and did still maintain—with Leia Organa. The latter portion had been conveniently omitted by Snoke during your encounter. It painted Ren in a more human light.

“We kill things we love every day.” The words lingered in the subsequent silence that pervaded the room.

Here you were, standing there while Kylo Ren likely mentally toyed with the best routes of getting you to General Hux. The next connection he had with Rey, whenever it did occur, could not allow for your presence. She would be more vulnerable. Whatever truth she was facing, it would leave her susceptible to Ren. That they had similar experiences in life meant only that this personal connection would drive them towards one another, be it as enemies or new allies. They were destined to cross paths again, and there was no way around it.

You wondered how the Force worked; could Kylo sense that a connection was soon in coming? How had he known to grab the jacket and boots for you? Why had he not sought a different venue while allowing you to remain in his quarters?

 _Snoke_ , your mind supplied. Kylo Ren accused you of being weak due to sentimentality; he preyed on Rey’s compassion as well. That did not leave him immune to it. He wished to protect you. He had _killed_ for you, you remembered. He would watch the world burn, build his collection of ashes, but he would do all that he could to keep you by his side.

“How many are going to die, Ren?”

“As many as necessary,” he replied without hesitation.

It was the same response you would have given if the tables had been turned. You could only nod in response to this, taking it as being matter-of-fact rather than hurtful. In order to see this through, you could not be among that number of the dead until you had observed the Resistance find some way to take down the First Order. Unfortunately that did mean allowing fate to play out for Kylo and Rey, to allow their positions as either enemies or allies become solidified. You would not fight again Ren as he took you to General Hux.

 

The pair of you walked down several corridors. His longer strides and your weakened state meant that you struggled to keep up with him. Kylo Ren eliminated much of the distance that had been between his body and yours. His arms were around you, scooping you upwards before your mind wrapped around his intentions. A puff of air escaped your lips, the closest to a sigh that you would be able to muster. It would be foolish to fight him on this. Snoke did not care whether you lived or died. To that wretched creature, you were now no more than a test for his apprentice. There would be no relying on First Order medical droids and physicians as you had in the past. You were forced to place even more trust into the man you had once devoted your entire life to killing.

 

There were no hints of hesitation in any of his steps. You wondered if he was able to sense General Hux in the Force, or if he had previously located the man while he had been securing the jacket and boots you now wore.

 

You allowed yourself to focus on how his arms felt around you. As in his personal quarters, you began to drown yourself in fantasy. The little boy, who may or may not have been real, who had attempted to kiss you now held you. If this had truly been a fairytale, he would have been Ben Solo still, and Ben would have been carrying you to a shuttle that would take you back to the Resistance. In that case, you would have adored the feeling of toned muscle supporting you. It invoked a sense of being protected, as well as stirred memories of when your bare flesh had been pressed against his body.

 

The lift jerked as it began to move. This motion drew you away from your budding fantasy. You lifted your eyes towards his face, and felt as though your heart would stop beating when you found that those brown orbs were already trained on you.

 

You averted your gaze, transferring your attention onto the ground. In your peripheral, however, you were still able to observe him. Kylo Ren did not mimic your actions. He refused to look away, which ultimately summoned a desire within you to meet his eye. Your eyelashes fluttered, a strange twitch that you could not control. As though you would cry. Your entire body had tensed, and you had subconsciously reached for him and clasped the front of his shirt.

 

His face began to move closer to yours, however these actions abruptly ceased as the lift stopped. You bounced in his arms as a result of the momentum. Kylo Ren straightened himself. Without taking his eyes off of you, he exited the lift. Any number of First Order personnel would have seen the way he was looking at you. He clearly did not care. The man already had them afraid of him. They would not touch you, even if it was a quick way to ensure that he _was_ hurt on some level. Not even General Hux was so foolish as that. Indeed, Supreme Leader Snoke was the only being with enough power who could cause your death without having to face immediate repercussions. And here Kylo Ren was, protecting you from that death stroke.

 

 _A dare_ , the little boy in your memory had said.

 

A dare to kiss you. A dare from Snoke to take you away—to _try_ to save you. And in doing so, Kylo Ren was also damning you. The viewport in front of which General Hux was standing allowed any and all to observe the destruction of the Resistance vessels. You tore your gaze away from Ren’s at last, your pupils dilating and your throat suddenly raw as a cry of despair tore from you. A ball of fire, there one moment and gone the next, consumed the remains of a support vessel that had been blasted by one of the _Supremacy’s_ cannons.

 

General Hux had returned to the flagship. You guessed that this happened shortly after all the ships had dropped out of hyperspace. The redhead looked over his shoulder and grunted upon seeing you. He then returned his attention to the Resistance fleet. You had not missed the smug grin that was on his face. The man was pleased with himself. He would be gloating the entire time you were in his presence.

 

Though Ren had to be aware of this, it did not stop him from setting you onto your feet and nudging you with a hand on your back towards his rival. “Tooka,” Hux murmured, ignoring the Force user. You flinched at the sound of his voice yet drew up to his side. While he grinned at thoughts of impending doom for your fellow Resistance members, you stared at the remaining ships with feelings of desperation.

 

If Rey could somehow convince Luke Skywalker to come to their aid…or, if somehow Rey and Kylo Ren could work together and save the Resistance—the very thought of this actually occurring caused you to sway in place. You felt a hand on your shoulder, steadying you. There was no need to look to know to whom it belonged. Hux’s touch was different than Kylo’s. Plus, you had already heard the boot steps that marked Kylo Ren’s departure; he did not enjoy seeing you at the redhead’s side.

 

“Things are progressing more quickly than I had anticipated.” By the way he spoke these words, you knew that this was nothing he was opposed to. With the Resistance out of the way, he would seek to destroy Snoke. Or perhaps he truly was leaving that to Kylo Ren, which is why he had agreed to having you there. “Snoke is also more displeased with Ren than I had believed. Arranging for you to die in Ren’s arms…hmm.”

 

You listened to him without responding. You had raised your hands and pressed them to the glass. The size of the fleet was _so small_. The amount of your comrades that had already fallen hit you like a blow to the stomach. You dropped to your knees and stared at the ground. You were shaking with growing rage. You wanted to tear through all the officers who were present. If only you had a weapon!

 

“Did he bring his guards with him when he went to Ren’s quarters?”

 

“Yes,” you said automatically, your voice weak. The question was important for some reason. You thought on Snoke’s physical appearance. He was damaged. Healing from injuries. In a sick way, he was quite similar to you in that respect. The Praetorian Guards were there as a failsafe. You wondered for a moment if they were the reason that Kylo Ren had not fully challenged his Master. He called Snoke wise and yet… He had killed his own father, after all. Why not destroy the surrogate when it let him down? “It’s why _you_ can’t kill him, isn’t it? Not just his powers, but those guards.”

 

General Hux pinched his lips into a thin line. To confirm these suspicions aloud would be treason on his part; that was not something he would do with so many witnesses. They had to be aware of the general’s ambitions. It would explain why several of the officers looked up from their posts when you asked the question.

 

“Look at them fall,” the man said casually as he tilted his head in your direction. He made a sweeping gesture with his hand, indicating another of the Resistance ships. This one was lagging behind the others. It had to be low on fuel, you noted as you observed it. If they so wanted, the First Order could jump ahead of the fleet and destroy it that way. That would place them in range of blasters though. Unnecessary losses. Right now they were fighting a winning battle that cost them nothing but time.

 

Kylo’s words from the past stabbed at your mind. He had all the time in the world to toy with you.

 

You remembered dancing with him. At the time, you had hated it. Yet what a gift it would have been to be dancing with him right then rather than being forced to watch the slow demise of your comrades.

 

In your mind’s eye, you placed the back of your hand against his and followed his lead in the first few steps of the dance. You were not on the _Supremacy_ in your head. Anywhere but here. The _Finalizer_ or even the recently destroyed Starkiller Base. It was just the two of you there, which allowed you to ignore any comment that came from General Hux. He was enjoying this, he liked hearing himself talk. There was music in place of his voice. Ren was not wearing that mask of his as he had in your previous fantasies. He stared at you as he had on the lift.

 

An officer approaching General Hux interrupted your reverie. You twisted around so that your back was against the glass and metal of the wall. They were discussing whether or not it would be prudent to send out a few vessels—TIEs or another a type of fighter—to destroy those already beginning to lag behind.

 

“No,” Hux drawled, grinning as he looked in your direction. “If they have any remaining allies in this galaxy, they will attempt to contact them. Let them out their own. It will expedite the complete destruction of those who would actively seek to oppose the First Order.”

 

“Very good, sir,” the officer said, inclining his head briefly in a nod then walking back to his post to relay this message.

 

“Killing _me_ will be some personal _grand finale_ for you, won’t it?” The grin grew wider as he laughed at you. You snarled. This alone had been an answer. He would not kill you; the man viewed you as a tool, not as a threat. You existed for his amusement. “Your arrogance will be your downfall, _general_.”

 

“Fire at the ship,” he said without taking his eyes off of you. You could not resist the urge to twist around and rise onto your knees. Your fists pounded on the glass as you screamed in rage. Another flickering ball of fire as the _Supremacy_ destroyed one of the ships. More of your comrades dead in an instant. “Perhaps I should have requested your presence sooner. This is far more enjoyable.”

 

You imagined yourself, for a moment, joining Kylo Ren after he succeeded in killing Snoke. Remaining by his side, watching as he murdered this man in front of you. It was an insult to all the Resistance members who would die; their lives were worth far more than Hux’s.

 

Fueled by your anger and hatred, you pushed yourself onto your feet and stood with your chin held high. Another blast from a cannon tore through space. It failed to destroy the ship it hit entirely. The bolt skimmed along the surface at an angle. It was not quite out of enough fuel. General Hux grunted, another chuckle leaving him. You began to take note of the positions of all officers present. While General Hux’s blaster was encrypted to be useful only to him, the blasters of these officers would not have the same security measures put into place. It was time for you to remember your training with Ip. Back when you had set Kylo Ren in your sights despite your allies falling to the blades and blasters of others from the First Order. If you had any hope of saving at least some of the remnants of the Resistance, you had to play it smart.

 

Though Snoke had torn down numerous barriers that you had spent months to years forming in order to carrying out your missions, you began to repair others. It was how you had survived captivity this long. The game was not over—not for the Resistance, and not for you.

 

_I won’t give up hope on Luke Skywalker and Rey. And them… They have to have some sort of plan. To not be running away from the First Order—they were tracked through hyperspace so they can’t just jump._

 

A heaviness enveloped your chest as the next cannon shot hit home. The blossom of fire would have been beautiful if it had not signified death. General Organa would be aboard the lead ship. There were only three ships left including it. You wondered if, while he was waiting to hear from Rey, Ren was observing the slow destruction of the Resistance from another part of the ship. Perhaps _that_ was the true reason you had not been allowed to remain with him. What reaction would he have when at last his mother was killed?

 

 _She won’t be_. You clenched your hands at your sides.

 

Two stormtroopers arrived on either side of General Hux. You looked at them with your eyes alone, remaining rigidly in place. There were intruders aboard the ship, and they had been captured by Captain Phasma. The so-called _traitor_ was there as well. This was one of the few things that had the ability to draw the man away from his post, to tear him apart from the sights of the Resistance being destroyed. He abandoned you as well, too caught up in his desire to see the former stormtrooper punished.

 

There was a part of you that wanted to follow after him, and yet you could not. Something else had caught your eye. There were so many in the galaxy able to recognize the ship that had just arrived from hyperspace. The _Millennium Falcon_ maintained a set distance, although there was a small pod that was ejected from it. TIEs moved to meet with the smaller vessel and guide it back to the _Supremacy_. Its size indicated that only a single being could be inside, and there was no second pod.

 

What state was the galaxy in, you wondered, that Luke Skywalker had not joined Rey on this mission to save the Resistance?

 

You abandoned your post at the viewport. Not a one of the officers present objected to your actions as you left the area and made your way down one of the hallways. It was not as though you truly knew where you were headed. This was not like the _Finalizer_ ; the ship was larger and foreign to you. You needed the former stormtrooper to live. He was someone Rey adored, if Ren’s word were anything to go by. And Rey… You wanted to meet her when she arrived, and yet there was the thought that your presence would distract her from being able to fulfill her destiny in killing Snoke.

 

A larger quantity of stormtroopers were gathering together and heading in the direction of a lift. It was safe to assume that they would be present for whatever punishment was set to befall the one they viewed to be a traitor. You felt your lungs protesting your sudden burst into a sprint. They burned, however you managed to maintain enough speed to make it to the lift before it began to move. You clutched your side, enduring the stares and comments of _Resistance scum_ from the troopers. Despite their words and disgust, they would not touch you.

 

You thought of Kylo Ren’s arms around you, him carrying you. Even now that embrace was proving helpful. It was what kept you alive.

 

 _I need a weapon_ , you thought, eyeing the blasters that the stormtrooper to your left was carrying. A weapon would arouse only more animosity from the First Order toward you. Though they would not kill you, they were not opposed to stunning you. It was not a conventional weapon that you required. Words were weapons as well.

 

“You’re all just numbers to them,” you said. The trooper to your right made a fist, however his arm was caught by the individual behind him. There was a hissed warning to not harm you, that Kylo Ren would not react kindly. The tension was palpable. The stormtroopers shifted in their place as the lift continued to take you all down to a lower level. “He became something more than that.”

 

“He betrayed everything we stand for,” a nameless stormtrooper shot back. You closed your mouth at that, your head bobbing. You could understand the sentiment. Kylo Ren had attempted countless times to seduce you into his way of thinking. To betray the Resistance entirely. “General Hux will ensure that he pays for it.”

 

The lift stopped. You exited, and the stormtroopers walked around you, their pace quicker. As though they did not want to miss a moment of whatever sick torture the red haired man would think up. Their shoulders hit into yours, knocking you forward. You stumbled, lost your balance, and landed on your knees. You jerked your hands off the ground in time to keep them from being stomped on. Still out of breath and feeling your muscles protesting, you pushed up onto your feet and took that first step forward—

 

—only to freeze as Kylo Ren rounded a corner, his hand on the back of a girl in shackles. Kylo tensed, his jaw clenching. The brown-haired girl knit her brow, her eyes on your face. There was no need for words. Kylo Ren’s reaction confirmed the identity of that girl to you, and yours to her.

 

“Rey,” you mouthed, the name nothing more than an exhalation of air. Your brain sorted through so many thoughts that you had a hard time keeping track.

 

_I should tell her that her friend is in danger._

_I need to let Ren take her to Snoke—what if he kills her? They might fail._

_What happens when Kylo Ren succeeds?_

_Is she about to fall to the Dark, just as Ben Solo did?_

 

The girl, Rey, jerked away from Kylo Ren’s touch and walked over to you. Knowing that words _did_ have power, you bit down on the insides of your lips to keep from saying anything. Ren recovered from his surprise, following after Rey so that she was not able to put too much distance between them. The shackles would not eliminate the fact that she was able to manipulate the Force. If given the chance, she could potentially mind trick others into removing the shackles for her. Rey did not struggle against her bindings. She simply adjusted her stance so that the two of you could more comfortably look the other in face.

 

“Don’t be afraid,” she said to you. Her voice was calming to you, gentle even. It was a little different than you had imagined it. She was not quite how you had imagined. There was no tinge of surrealism, which had always touched your conjured images of how she may or may not have looked. “They cannot destroy hope.”

 

And yet, you thought, if Snoke _did_ kill her, he would have done just that.

 

Your eyes met Ren’s. Rey observed the fleeting moment between you and your—what? He was not entirely your enemy. In this, he was your ally. He would destroy Snoke, if only he could gather his resolve. You lowered your gaze to the hand that had not been set once more on Rey’s back. In it he clasped a lightsaber. Hers. She was as unarmed as you were, and she had not lost hope.

 

You nodded, your resolve no longer cracked. “They won’t,” you said, nodding in her direction, giving Ren a final look, and then rushing towards where you could easily guess the former First Order stormtrooper was being held.


	32. THIRTY-TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few quick notes before we delve into the next chapter.
> 
> I needed to take a break from this fic for several reasons. Writing in general was something I was doing less of to focus on my health and some life matters. I wanted to fix up all notes for part 2, this way the chapters should come at slightly more regular intervals (although my priority fic will be my main focus, as stated on my instagram). Then there is the fact that I needed to step away to "heal" from one of the major driving forces of this fic for me, which was my sexual assault. I had not dealt with it, not really, outside of fandom. This was largely why I was so sensitive about this fic. The comments received, while sometimes in good nature, hurt because of that sensitivity. There are loads of things from my past that I haven't discussed and won't. Those things also influenced me to write this fic (as well as Psychotic Couch Potato) My health condition, for instance, dictated parts of this fic. There is also a personal reason why it was the lightsaber used as the first means of penetration rather than Ren himself.
> 
> I am not going to go into all the details. This isn't about that. It is more to explain sensitivities, the need to take that step back. The assault occurred shortly after I saw TFA for the first time. It has changed how I view things, and realizing that it was influencing how I interacted with even my readers, I knew that I had to take that step back.
> 
> I'm really thankful that you have been patient with me. Your support means far more than I can ever say. And, honestly, without this fic and without the discussions I've had because of it, I doubt that I could have reached this point following my assault. I don't know if I would ever have been able to talk to the people I have in regards to what happened, to share the details about it. To stop blaming myself for what happened. Or at least sometimes not blame myself.
> 
> I will definitely finish this fic. My wavering in the past was because I wasn't dealing with that happened to me beyond writing fanfics. I was terrified. Hurt. Angry. Trying to put on a mask of being okay. I hated who I was at that time, and only recently have I been shifting towards the person I want to be. I am now comfortable though. Enough to work on this fic in full. So, again, thank you all so much. I know it has been a rollercoaster with me. I hope to change that, in a positive way.

**Three Blind Tooke**

 

_Part Two: Precarious Harmony_

 

Chapter Thirty-Two : One by One, the Fall

 

Rey’s words repeated themselves in your head, a sort of mantra; the declaration that the First Order could not destroy hope spurred you into action. You had told yourself this exact thing countless times after you had been captured, however your resolve had begun to waver the more time went on. You had never allowed it to fully fade away. Now, though, you could see just how dim it had become. Rey had given you a sort of breath of life. While Kylo Ren was likely correct in saying that the Resistance would have benched you had you returned, you knew that you had enough strength left in your damaged body to be of use to them. Rey had seemed to know this as well despite being oblivious to the fact that the man she cared for was aboard the _Supremacy_. You would not allow General Hux to rob her of someone she loved, not as he had done to you by ordering the attack on Hosnian Prime.

 

The blind loyalty exhibited by the stormtroopers you had interacted with replayed in your mind as you walked in the same direction they had gone. Had _your_ refusal to stray at all from the ideology of the Resistance been as foolish? If you had allowed for wiggle room sooner, there was a chance your body would currently be in better condition than it was. You would continue to fight all the same, to persevere. The gray area that was war was suddenly more apparent to you with the appearance of Rey. She had, in part, been fooled by Kylo Ren. You felt guilt hit you like a fist to the throat. Choking on your next breath, you recovered and knew that even if you had not been there, Kylo would have found a way to bring Rey to him. Their paths were destined to cross in this manner. The two sides of the Force mingling. Light and Dark. Snoke himself would not have allowed them to remain apart. It was why Luke Skywalker had always been a target.

 

You did not know much about the Force even after your time with Ren. It baffled you and, more than anything, terrified you. You hated it; you felt as though you would always hate it to some degree. It was because of the Force that Kylo Ren had been able to take advantage of you, to strip away your free will on more than one occasion.

 

It was not with the Force that you would fight the First Order to assist Rey. In truth, there was very little you could do in that moment. But a little was enough, and you would give it your all.

 

_You made me come back here for a reason, right, dad?_

 

Even with your distaste for the Force, you accepted that it connected all living things—and that continued after death. The spirit that inhabited each living creature and plant. Some would call your belief foolish, would say it was all mysticism. You did not care. It was less painful if you were allowed to believe that that moment with your father had been real. It was a bit ironic, given how much it had _hurt_ when he had released your hand so that you could return to life as Kylo Ren’s prisoner.

 

It was not with a blaster that you would fight against the First Order either; at least, not yet. If you attempted to wield such a weapon as you approached General Hux, the stormtroopers and officers would immediately stop you in your tracks. Not to mention the fact that there were currently no weapons randomly lying around.

 

As you walked in the direction the stormtroopers had taken after they had exited the lift, you could not help but notice that the _Supremacy_ was a fraction brighter than the _Finalizer_. You did not know if this remained true for the entire ship, or if it was only this portion. Whatever the case, you were grateful that you could easily see where you were headed. You paused long enough to check around corners without acting too out of place. Personnel was too busy with the intruders or else enjoying the fact that they had a high chance of exterminating the remainder of the Resistance. They would be disappointed, you thought. Things were not going to go the way they thought they were.

 

There was a fluttering in your chest, the almost foreign sensation of _real_ hope enveloping you. Your footsteps quickened before you realized that you wanted to move faster. Time was not on your side even if luck, so far, had been.

 

You thought of the morbid fantasy that had visited you earlier, the one of death and wherein Kylo wore his mask. As a result, you couldn’t help but think of the mask _you_ had worn for so long. You had nearly been burnt alive wearing the thing, and you suddenly missed it. Not for the anonymity it offered, but for the familiarity of it. You had always worn it after joining the splinter cell. Every mission you would don that mask. You would have been wearing it had the Resistance been the ones to send you on this particular mission. Saving your allies, defying the First Order.

 

_I don’t even know what Ren’s goals are. What does he hope to accomplish? And Hux… Is Snoke the puppet master, or is he unwittingly holding two beasts at bay?_

 

You shuddered at those thoughts. Both men had been able to play you, to find methods of extracting information from you.

 

Inhaling deeply and holding your breath for another three steps, you readied yourself for what you were about to do. The sheer amount of stormtroopers gathered made your stomach churn. To think this was only a fraction of the First Order. What a sickening thought indeed. General Organa had been correct, meanwhile the New Republic had had the audacity to call her a warmonger. You suddenly held them as much responsible as Hux for your mother’s death. Had they listened, the First Order would never have grown this large or powerful. If you hadn’t already been so familiar with the gray area of war that Kylo had dragged you into, it would have shaken you to your core that you could feel anger towards the New Republic.

 

The troopers paid you no heed; or, if they did, not one fell out of position to look your way. They were so brainwashed. You felt the threat of tears stinging your eyes as you recalled the cell in which you had been placed. Listening to the First Order propaganda droning on and on. Nowhere to escape it. Every one of these stormtroopers had listened to those words since birth or shortly thereafter.

 

You wanted to think that they had never stood a chance, however there was the conflicting fact that Finn _had_ abandoned the First Order. Was that some mere fluke, or was there hope for the rest of this sea of white armor?

 

Officers were a rarer sight amongst the troopers. Black specks with the First Order insignia. You were one of those specks, the clothing Ren had given to you causing a delay in the officers realizing that you were not one of them. Unlike the stormtroopers, the officers allowed themselves a handful of seconds to stare at you. They soon openly gawked as you made your way towards the center.

 

There were two individuals, also wearing First Order attire, forced to kneel on the ground in front of Captain Phasma and General Hux. Executioner troopers stood at the ready, their weapons activated and prepared to behead the infiltrators.

 

And it was strange, the emotions surging inside of you. The bright light of hope that had managed to blossom within you following Rey’s arrival did not dim in the least. Your heart beat in your chest, stronger than it had felt in months, since before you had been taken prisoner by Kylo Ren. It did not matter that General Hux lifted his gaze from the prisoners to stare instead at you. The expression of derision. In his mind, you were no threat. You were helpless. Unable to stop him or Captain Phasma or any other of the gathered officers and stormtroopers from killing your two allies on the floor. Two allies you had not met before. None of that mattered.

 

You felt connected to the former stormtrooper who was forced to remain kneeling on the floor in front of the redhead. As though Rey’s feelings for him were channeled into you. You _had_ to protect him.

 

Several of the officers gathered gained the courage they required to look your way without fearing reprimand. General Hux had not yet torn his gaze away from you. A silent challenge. He was waiting for you to cower in fear. To beg him to not execute your allies. You refused to humor him in this manner. Yet you did speak to him. “You do all you can to force us down, to break us… But we come back. Every time.” His eyes were the ones to lower, although it was not in defeat. His lips were spread into a wry grin. You _amused_ him.

 

“Is that a reiteration of _‘The Resistance will not be intimidated’_?” he asked, humor bleeding into his words. You could hear snorts from some of the stormtroopers. Could see the grins and smirks worn by the officers. Neither of the two Resistance members flinched. They had not looked away from General Hux, and you knew that they were glaring daggers at him. If only looks could kill…

 

You did not have an immediate answer for him. No clever quip.

 

A face flashed before your mind’s eye. Your father. You lowered your eyes to your hand. It should not have surprised you that it was empty, that your father did not cling to you. That memory, real or not, had aided you in facing Kylo Ren and what life thrust your way. It did not prepare you for this moment with General Hux. He was so _sure_ of himself. That was, you realized, drastically different than Kylo. Ren questioned himself. He felt far more human to you than this creature.

 

Wasn’t that funny, you thought. You had previously viewed Kylo as the monster you hunted when in actuality Armitage Hux was deadlier. Though Ren had allowed it to occur, it was Hux that had issued the order to destroy the entire Hosnian system. It was a strange blessing that you had _Kylo Ren_ and _Ben Solo_ tattooed on your flesh. You were willing to be tied to him if it meant not being chained by General Hux.

 

You liked to think that, had General Hux been the one waiting for your return after death, your father would not have released your hand. In that same way, you refused to allow the former stormtrooper and Resistance female to remain his prisoners.

 

“I think that _you_ are the one who’s afraid,” you said, discovering that your voice was calm. _You_ were calm. At peace. There it was again, that strange sensation that emotions were flowing through you. Sensations that were not your own. The refusal to give up on hope no matter how small it seemed.

 

General Hux chuckled at your expense, earning not a single reaction from you. A heartbeat of silence then he stepped nearer to you. His attention had drifted away from his prisoners. To him, it was all about appearances. You remembered that well from when he had had you under Kylo Ren’s control. Assuring that the galaxy believed you were compliant in the plans of the First Order. Right now you were questioning him in front of his men. This was not something he would accept. To kill you, meanwhile, would bring Ren’s anger. He did not currently possess the means to kill Kylo. Especially not with Snoke alive.

 

You held your breath. Not because the redhead’s face was mere inches from yours. It was that your mind was racing through what move this man would make if—no, _when_ —Kylo and Rey were successful in killing the First Order’s Supreme Leader. Those cold blue eyes had a fire behind them. A promise of death.

 

“Your wounded ego,” you said, searching for the right words to say. Too much and he would order the execution to commence. Not enough, the same results. This was about buying time as you figured out how to free them. Or if they could somehow free themselves, that would be better. You were outmanned and outgunned. “This is one, large fit because of Starkiller, isn’t it?”

 

Bringing up the weapon caused you pain as again you thought of your mother. She had died believing you were a traitor, that you did not care your father had perished.

 

_Mother, give me strength. Father, give me courage._

 

“Resistance whore,” the man hissed. That was how you confirmed a nerve had been struck. You held back your smile, weak as it may have been, and endured the insult with grace. General Hux threw his arm back to gesture to a viewport. Your eyes obeyed his silent demands. “What have I to fear?

 

“Mere moments from now, the order will be issued. Those transport shuttles shall be destroyed along with the last of the loathsome Resistance. You have _lost_.” He turned on his heel, crossing his arms behind his back as though you posed no threat to his well being. “The girl first.” He was snarling, contempt re-entering his tone. You looked at her, and found that she no longer glared at the general. She instead was watching you.

 

The executioner stormtrooper began to lift the weapon in his hands. She would lose her head when the energy cut through her flesh. You blurted the first words that came to you. “Ren is with the girl again. From Starkiller.”

 

“Stop.” He said it calmly. A false sense of peace. His entire body had grown rigid. General Hux turned his head to meet your gaze. The executioner’s blade was less than an inch from the female’s neck. Sweat was gathering on her flesh. You had only seconds before the man changed his mind and allowed her death. “I’m listening.” The man was allowing room for the chance that you were going to work with _him_ in order to kill Kylo Ren.

 

_Monster slayers become monsters themselves. They get rid of their humanity by killing and...lying…_

 

“What do you think will happen?” you asked, moving in to sow those seeds of doubts. The same seeds that existed in your own mind. The ones that asked if Kylo Ren would be swayed to change back to the light. Another that questioned if Rey would abandon the Resistance. The wonder as to whether, together, they could defeat Snoke. Or if he would kill them. You made a small gesture at the two. “If you oppose her...if she’s your enemy… You’ll give her nothing to lose if you kill them.”

 

“You kriffing bitch!” the female hissed, lurching towards you now that the blade had been removed from close proximity. Her lunge was halted by two stormtroopers grabbing onto her shoulders and dragging her back.

 

The former stormtrooper, the one who aided Rey in keeping hold of hope, clenched his teeth and stared at you. Disbelief. Questioning. He knew how the First Order worked better than his companion. You hoped that he could understand you were trying to save them as well as Rey.

 

Captain Phasma hummed in thought. “If she is adept in the Force, that may be true. I doubt Supreme Leader would allow her to live.”

 

“She distracted Ren once,” General Hux countered. “Look what that cost us.” A hesitation on the chrome armored female’s part. Then agreement. She was hiding something. You shared another glance with the ex-stormtrooper and read it in his eyes. _Phasma_ was partially responsible for the loss of Starkiller Base. This meant that she would go along with General Hux, if only to save her own hide. “This close to the destruction of the Resistance… I won’t allow it.” His voice grew in volume when he next spoke. “Secure their restraints. They will remain in custody until the girl is dealt with.”

 

Disappointment crossed the features of more than a single officer. You felt disgust welling up inside of you at their bloodlust. They wanted no prisoners. They wanted corpses.

 

The two prisoners were on their feet, a stormtrooper on either side of them with their blasters at the ready. The girl continued to glare at you, and when she was close enough she spat in your face. You wiped at the saliva. There was no anger or frustration on your part. Only pride. She was doing what you had done with Kylo Ren. To her, you were a traitor to the cause. You hoped that all of you lived long enough for the truth to be revealed.

 

Captain Phasma led the procession, the stormtroopers following her with the prisoners, and you bringing up the rear along with General Hux. He was directly at your side. Though his eyes were facing ahead, you knew that he was observing you in his peripheral vision. Watching for any signs that this was a farce. It wasn’t, which was where you had the advantage. Being unaware of how things were proceeding with Snoke, though, left you at a disadvantage. You could very well be marching to your death. Or arriving in time to witness Rey’s murder if Snoke convinced Kylo Ren to abandon his plans.

 

_I’m underestimating them._

 

A stutter of your heart as you wondered just where that thought had come from. Not your mind… The voice inside your head was not your own. It wasn’t Ren’s either, the only other familiar speaker your mind knew.

 

“How long has he been with her for?” the man beside you asked. “Their communications have been frequent, am I correct?” You bobbed your head from side to side. Noncommittal. Another truth on your part; you did not know how many times they had communicated with each other. “Perhaps Supreme Leader will replace Ren with the girl.”

 

 _Doubtful_. “Maybe.”

 

The elevator was crowded with nine bodies present. You were squeezed against General Hux, your shoulder touching his arm. You wanted to break the contact...or increase it, wrapping your hands around his throat. The stormtroopers would kill you if you tried. Captain Phasma would. And your two allies would be eliminated immediately as well. You had to keep up the pretense of cooperation.

 

General Hux spoke into a communications device he withdrew from his greatcoat. You clenched your teeth and felt your chest tighten as he gave the order to commence fire on the Resistance escape shuttles. He twisted next, taunting your female ally. You balled your hands into fists. The elevator had started to move, taking you to Kylo Ren, Rey and Snoke.

 

_Or...not…_

 

The elevator stopped abruptly, the doors sliding apart to reveal a familiar red. You flinched at the sight of the Praetorian guard pair. They were the very same ones who had guarded the door to Kylo Ren’s quarters as Snoke had violated your mind. They entered without a word, further crowding the tight space. You pressed up against the wall, unable to keep a brave face. It was an added insult to injury that General Hux angled himself, as though he was protecting you from the two warriors.

 

 _How powerful are they?_ You worried that the other pairs would intercept Kylo and Rey if the two were indeed able to work together. That would end things immediately. Even if Snoke was killed, should the Praetorian guards then kill the pair of Force users, the First Order would proceed with eliminating the last of the Resistance. It would win. _Kriff. I haven’t come this far… All this pain… I won’t let it happen._

 

A hand on your hip caused you to jump where you stood. You recovered quickly enough. General Hux maintained contact, a silent reassurance that he knew, somehow, what was occuring. Given the way he had stiffened, you knew that he was not entirely pleased. This was all out of his control. The redhead surveyed his two prisoners.

 

If Kylo and Rey succeeded, they would be used against Rey. If the pair failed, General Hux could lie and state that he brought them to allow Snoke the chance to see the final members of the Resistance die.

 

“It seems our assumption that Supreme Leader required our audience was accurate,” the man drawled. He, along with everyone else in the elevator, looked to the guards. No reaction.

 

Your stomach churned, intestines threatening to cramp up. Snoke _did_ want you all brought to him.

 

_Ren, you’re so kriffing stupid. You decided against it, didn’t you? You’re letting him play you…_

 

The hand on you shifted up then down again. Only then did you realize you had begun to tremble. You glued your stare to the floor to avoid looking towards the prisoners. You could not look the male in the eye, not knowing whether he was about to witness the murder of his friend or not.

 

When the elevator doors opened, you quickly learned that that should have been the least of your worries. Rey knelt on the ground before Kylo Ren, whose back was to you. The six other Praetorian guards remained at the ready with their weapons in their hands. Snoke laughed, the man pleased with himself. His eyes were on Rey, though they flickered over to your group. The sight was enough to allow his grin to spread further.

 

“Rey!”

 

“Finn…” she spoke it in disbelief and...disappointment. She did not want him there, not with the danger they were both in. You noticed the expression of pain as her eyes traveled to the man she cared for. Only her eyes.

 

You shuddered at the realization that Snoke was using his powers against her to keep her immobile. Rey could spare no more time with her friend. She looked up at Kylo Ren again, saying his birth name. “You don’t have to do this.”

 

The Praetorian guards that had accompanied you on the elevator now became shepherds, leading everyone further into the large throne room. The restraints on the two prisoners clattered to the ground after nothing more than a twitch from Snoke’s smallest finger. They were not foolish enough to run forward, although Finn did take the first step before he caught himself. His eyes, like yours started to scan the room. Only to stop on a display that showed the remnants of the Resistance.

 

“You thought you could turn him,” Snoke chortled. It was difficult for you to tell if he was speaking to you or Rey, or perhaps both of you were being addressed by those words. “Not a thought passes through him that _I_ do not know.” The next words, you knew were for you specifically. “I want to see the look in your eyes when the last of hope dies. And then...the Resistance will finally fall.”

 

Your limbs could not obey you. They felt tight, immobile. Finn and the female Resistance member were in the same predicament. All of you, like Rey, were under the Supreme Leader’s power.

 

Kylo Ren had yet to turn away from Rey. His head was bowed enough so that he was meeting her eyes. His lightsaber pointed in front of him. If he ignited it, it would pierce the young woman’s heart. You felt a phantom pain in your abdomen where your scar was located. Finn whispered Rey’s name. You were mouthing it as well. _Rey._ She was your hope. She was...not entirely convinced that Ren would kill her.

 

But how did you know that? Were you so delusional?

 

Snoke smirked, his attention swaying from the sight before him to you. “He felt it. The Force is in all living beings. When I created the bond between them, I had not realized  _you_ would become entangled in it. Yet to connect with only the girl... “ More laughter. Your stomach flipped.

 

Was that why Kylo Ren had attempted to pervert your feelings for her? You knew he was a jealous man. To have a bond with Rey, but not one with Kylo Ren.

 

You now knew why it was Snoke ensured you were present. He wanted to watch all three of you—Rey, Kylo, and you—as Kylo killed Rey. It was a thrill for him to observe how the bond would tear at all of you. Your pain and suffering, Rey’s death, would submerge Kylo Ren further in the Dark side of the Force. He would be that much more of a pawn to Snoke. The Supreme Leader wanted General Hux present as well to ensure that the man knew his place. All of this power on display.

 

“Ben,” Rey said. Then you heard it, the lightsaber igniting and the scream tearing from your throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not yet gotten a beta for this fic, but likely will in the near future.


	33. THIRTY-THREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moved the total chapter count down by two.

**Three Blind Tooke**

 

_ Part Two: Precarious Harmony _

 

Chapter Thirty-Three : The Resistance is Dead

 

You were intimately familiar with how the Force could bring either great pain or intense pleasure. More than once, you had had your willpower stripped away, your sense of self erased. More often than not, you felt suffocated by its very existence. It connected all living beings; a haunting fact to consider given that apparently those strong in the Force could manipulate such bonds. Kylo Ren and Rey were tied together, and you had been caught in the middle. You had clung so desperately to hope that you had latched onto the very idea of Rey before you knew anything about her as a person. All the while you had fought against the growing sentiments you felt for Ren. Had it been  _ you _ to prevent the bond? Or had Kylo Ren’s actions, the numerous times he had erased pieces of you, caused there to be a rift that was impossible to mend?

 

It mattered not what the answer happened to be. The swirling thoughts inside your head were cut short by the sound of the lightsaber activating. The pressure that had locked your limbs together and held you in place spiked, increasing enough that your cry of pain burst out and rang through the red-walled room. Your cry was echoed by the two other First Order prisoners. Finn’s was quieter in volume, its lower tone causing it to stand out in your pain-boggled head.

 

The glow illuminating the room did not belong to the ever-familiar crimson blade that you had watched for years on the battlefield and in holovids. In its place was a bright blue that contrasted with the pops of red flashing before your eyes as you felt a tightening on your entire body. And then the pain disappeared, fading as Kylo Ren bent his middle and index fingers. Your mind nearly failed to register the movements. It was only by chance that you had looked down at all. Chance, and the unexpectedness of control over your body being returned to you. That was a sensation you would never truly grow accustomed to. A taut string cut, unexpected freedom.

 

The blue blade of the lightsaber resting on the throne’s armrest pierced Supreme Leader Snoke’s body as though he was made of nothing more than butter. Mouth agape, the older Force user lowered his head and stared in shock at the injury. You had a nanosecond to picture how this would end. Snoke committing his final seconds, the last of his power to destroy everyone. To crush you all with the Force—a tightening in your chest. The nanosecond ended. The lightsaber finished severed the top half from the bottom, the weapon obeying Kylo Rne’s commands as the man used the Force to summon the lightsaber forward.

 

You wrapped your arms around yourself to quickly rub life into your limbs after circulation had been compromised by the previous pressure.

 

The lightsaber floated through the room into Rey’s outstretched hand. She had been freed from Snoke’s hold as well when he had been executed. The young woman’s eyes revealed that Kylo Ren’s actions had surprised her, although not completely. She truly had believed in him, trusted that he could change and return to the light. You did not know if that was what was occurring in the throne room. Countless times you had allowed yourself to begin a fantasy wherein Ben Solo returned, and each time there had been an event to contradict those fictitious stories.

 

You did know, regardless of the final outcome that things  _ were _ changing. The puppet had cut the strings that had connected him, and many others, to the puppetmaster.

 

The top half of Snoke slipped from the bottom. It landed on the floor with the combination of a  _ thunk _ and the wet noises of his entrails sliding from his torso. Beyond that, as well as the hum of Rey’s ignited blade, silence had pervaded the throne room. A hush. A collective holding of breath. Rey finished rising to her feet as that silence, short lived, was shattered. Hers was no longer the only weapon activated. Kylo Ren’s blade screamed to life.

 

Rey and Ren twisted, executing a sort of mirrored pirouette that brought them nearer to one another. They thrust themselves backwards, their backs touching. The crackling of Kylo Ren’s blade echoed the hum of Rey’s. From all around the room, the Praetorian guards that had been tasked with the duty to defend Snoke stepped forward. They were paired warriors, three sets pursuing two Force users. The final pair spun around to consider the group to which you belonged.

 

The strength in your legs threatened to give out, and you allowed them to, dropping down to your knees, when you caught sight of what their hands were doing. It was a needless action on your part. Captain Phasma had not hesitated in drawing her blaster. It bespoke of her familiarity with battle—and how a coup d’etat worked.

 

The shot from Captain Phasma’s blaster thrust the plasma-based weapon that had headed in your direction backwards. The force was not enough to pull it from the guard’s grasp, however you were offered ample time to move before the red-armored warrior could lunge for you again. As you moved, you noticed that you had not, in fact, been the intended target. General Armitage Hux had been standing behind you. His failure to react to the Supreme Leader’s murder, to object to it as well, branded him as much a traitor as Kylo Ren in the eyes of the Praetorians. The redhead recovered from his shock and drew his blaster out from its holster on his hip.

 

Finn and the unnamed female Resistance member recovered from having been held captive by Snoke. They sprang into action, the former stormtrooper calling out, “Rose!” She looked in his direction, and her gaze followed the finger he had extended in the direction of those dreadful consoles that depicted the Resistance fleet. Rose and Finn split into two different directions. Likely more tech savvy, the female made for the electronics, however her journey was interrupted by a blast from one of the stormtroopers who had previously served as escort and guard.

 

_ Kriff, this is a mess, _ you swore, grateful that you had already dropped down to the floor. You kicked your leg out from underneath your ass and swiped it against the stormtrooper’s legs. The impact of their armor on your clothed shin was sure to leave a bruise. This was not something you could pay any attention to if you wanted to survive as well as assist the Resistance. And it was nothing in comparison to all that you had endured during your imprisonment. You ignored the pain for the time being, sprang forward and grabbed the blaster. The moment you had the weapon in your hands, you gave it a yank to take it away from its rightful owner, flipped the blaster over, and fired. Another three quick shots—four if you were to include one that had not come from you, the near-hit the final ‘trooper had gotten off as you aimed for them—and those who wore the white armor lived no longer.

 

Finn grabbed up another of the blasters. He and Phasma inadvertently teamed up against the same Praetorian guard, the one that happened to be nearest to them. Time was not a luxury you possessed, not a resource you were able to use to observe how Finn and Captain Phasma worked together, or if they did at all beyond that first round of fire. Instead you focused on leveling your weapon, the nozzle pointed at General Hux, who had also started to take aim. His target, to you, appeared to be Kylo Ren.

 

“Your mission is to kill him, is it not?” he spoke through clenched teeth, his words confirming your suspicions. You tucked your finger into place on the trigger. General Hux had fire in his eyes, pure hatred. You knew what it was like to have such sentiments burning through your veins. It was  _ his _ personal mission to take out the male Force user. His mission, which was the same as yours had once been.

 

The Praetorian guard that remained unoccupied by the threat of the other combatants in the room was not fooled by Hux’s actions. It was not out of loyalty to the fallen Supreme Leader that the ginger-haired general wished to kill Kylo Ren. He simply coveted the title for himself. General Hux would not have hesitated in committing the same act of treason had he believed he held the appropriate cards. He had prepared himself for it prior to arriving at the throne room. The difference between now and those minutes in the past was that he had started to doubt Kylo Ren would murder Snoke. Not with as many witnesses as were present. Not with the guards left behind. General Hux’s actions were those of a desperate, angry man.

 

The red-armored warrior distracted you from your thoughts as he, or she, delivered a kick that sent General Hux’s blaster flying. The guard’s blade tore through the shoulder of your uniform top the next second. You felt the flesh underneath the material rip, and your legs threatened to once more buckle under you. Your shoulder burned, the wound cauterized instantaneously. It was not something you had never felt before, and this allowed you to recover more swiftly. You swayed in place.

 

Snoke was going to have the last laugh after all, you thought. You were in no condition to fight as you wanted, as you  _ needed _ to. The situation demanded more stamina than your body could provide. The heat of the room did nothing to aid you either. Sweat poured from your body, the same way it did everyone else in the room. Plasma weapons tearing up portions of the ship, sparks ignited. Scrambling backwards, not giving up despite the poor odds, you fired the blaster you had stolen. The shot was deflected with ease by the plasma energy field wrapped around the blade that had tasted your blood moments before.

 

Another scream erupted from you, this time one of rage and frustration. The frustration was your own, an ever-growing familiar sentiment that had developed since your capture. The rage, on the other hand, had been birthed by another. The Praetorian guard was shoved sideways, his feet scrambling noisily on the red floor without finding purchase. It was one of the first times in quite a while that you found yourself grateful for the existence of the Force. Adrenaline burst through you. You lunged for General Hux instead of trying to escape the Praetorian guard, who had at last regained his footing. A leather clad fist caught your hip bone, meanwhile your punch connected with the redhead’s jaw. The shot he had fired in an attempt on Kylo’s life hit the far wall, missing the intended target by several feet. You looked in the direction of the two Force users.

 

They were beautiful, like a pair of elegant dancers that had worked together for years. Two warriors that were so in sync with one another, you could not have pinpointed their separate allegiances had they been strangers to you. Rey of the Resistance became Rey, Master of the Knights of Ren. Kylo Ren became General Ben Solo of the Resistance. You could easily see that these were two kindred spirits, their bond forged not only by Snoke, but by their shared experiences in life. More than that, you could  _ feel _ that connection through the bond you shared with the former scavenger. There existed on the edges of that bond a sort of thrumming, as though the bond that tied Ren to Rey was threatening to spill over. You could taste it, the slightest sip of his power. Dark yet beautiful. It went far beyond his control over the Force. It was  _ him _ . Lovely in a deadly fashion. Thrilling. The excitement within Rey as she parried an attack from the Praetorian guard pursuing her was filled with that same passion.

 

You shuddered at the sensation it caused you to feel. You were frightened of its allure, and thankful that it was but a watered down version you had been allowed to taste. Rey had learned the ways of the Force more from Kylo Ren than she had Luke Skywalker. The Master and student were in sync with one another even as a physical distance grew between them. Then they were together for another time, their backs touching. Kylo Ren braced his feet on the ground to allow Rey the ability to flip herself over him. She caught the lashing whip from a guard on the very tip of her lightsaber, preventing it from cutting into Ren. The blaster fire from Captain Phasma’s weapon that would have hit the female Force user instead pierced the armor of the guard.

 

The sight of the chrome armored female reminded you of Rose and Finn. The latter grabbed for the twin blades one of the deceased Praetorian guards had wielded. He connected them, parrying an attack from the fallen guard’s twin. On the opposite side of the throne room, Rose’s fingers were in constant action on the panel nearest to the display. Her expression was grim; as you had already guessed, only a direct order from the Supreme Leader would end the assault on the Resistance escape shuttles.

 

You considered the two Force users then Phasma and finally Hux. All three members of the First Order triumvirate were willing and ready to take the power for themselves. Your existence for so long had been to ensure Kylo Ren’s death; now you would have to fight for his survival.

 

This task, you thought, was going to be slightly easier than you had started to believe. General Hux had started to take aim once more only to pause. His frown deepened, and he changed course. His shot scorched the armor of one of the two guards Rey fought to defend herself against. The red-haired man had somehow deluded himself she would be able to defeat the Praetorian guards on her own. Now that he recognized the folly in his plan, he was being less reckless.

 

Captain Phasma was the true wild card. She aimed indiscriminately at either the red-armored warriors or Rey. Thus far she had not acted antagonistically towards Kylo Ren. You believed this to be due to her will to survive. She, unlike General Hux, had recognized the necessity to keep Kylo Ren alive.

 

_ I shouldn’t have neglected my training for close-combat, _ you thought, tossing aside the blaster when it jammed. You pumped your arms as you ran across the length of the entire throne room towards Rose. Dropping down, you slid the last few feet, knocking into the Praetorian guard that had noticed the Resistance female. The guard rolled, his recovery time phenomenal, and wrapped an arm around your throat. You clutched at the limb, fighting to pull it away.

 

There was heat close to the side of your face. Your eyes widened. The arm that had held you fell limp, the body underneath yours slumping to the floor. You slammed your hands down onto the floor to keep from falling against Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. Your eyes, meanwhile, jerked in the direction of the Force user. One hand was extended in your direction, the limb that had thrown the weapon. The other was outstretched, controlling the Force to slow the movements of the guard approaching him. Rey’s lightsaber was locked in combat, her arm shaking. She had compromised her hold by reaching out for you. Working with Ren, she had kept the blade from killing you along with your enemy.

 

Kylo Ren turned his arm, palm now up, and the lightsaber returned to his grip. He returned his attention to the guards left alive. You leapt to your feet, stumbled, and bumped into Rose. “You won’t stop me,” the female growled.

 

“I’m...I’m with the Resistance.” Her head jerked in your direction, her eyes sweeping up and down. “Was...captured…” You ran a hand down your face. The readout on the screen, the inability to stop the shots from being fired at the ships that housed your allies, stung. You met Rose’s stare and gave her your identification number. She raised her chin, looking down her nose at you. Your heart sank. The actions you had been forced to commit under Kylo Ren’s control had in no way gone unnoticed by the Resistance. You were believed to be a willing traitor. Or perhaps you willingness did not matter in the end.

 

After side-eyeing you for an additional five seconds, Rose raised her shirtsleeve to her mouth and spoke into a commlink. “Are you in the system yet, BB-8?” Your stomach flipped in delight. You felt yourself smiling, and Rose smirked in response, nodding at you. She was accepting that, whether you were a traitor or not, you  _ did _ want the Resistance safe.

 

There was garbled droidspeak, which Rose had BB-8 repeat. You kept busy now that you knew she had a gameplan. It was not a guarantee, however it was more than what you could have done. Captain Phasma was down on one knee, the nozzle of her blaster on your stomach and then shifting up. She was debating shooting through you to get to Rose. You ensured that you acted as a human shield for your fellow Resistance member. Phasma, from what you could tell, had been dissuaded from pursuing Rey after witnessing the former scavenger working with Kylo Ren to protect you.

 

She started to lower her weapon and stand. Behind you, Rose had fallen silent. That silence was _so_ _kriffing loud_. That was when you realized the lightsabers were no longer screaming. It was back to their hums. Gentle. Relaxed. You looked to Kylo and Rey, the pair covered in sweat more than any other individual in the throne room. Finn was breathing more heavily than the Force users from the exertion. He kept hold of the two Praetorian blades, and inched nearer to his friend. General Hux’s face was scrunched up into an expression of frustration.

 

What struck you was the fact that Rey held the red lightsaber that had once pierced you, and Ren possessed the blue blade. It was the red that disappeared first. Kylo deactivated the weapon he held before the young woman followed suit. They tossed their respective weapons to one another. Ren’s eyes were on the younger Force user. Rey, on the other hand, considered Captain Phasma and General Hux. Mistrust etched onto her face, she moved backwards to protect Finn in the same way you were trying to shield Rose.

 

Rey’s gaze landed on the window that showed the Resistance cruiser and shuttles. She stared over Kylo Ren’s shoulder at it. Rey raised the hand that was not holding her weapon to point in the direction she looked. Kylo did not follow with his eyes, which remained transfixed on her. “Order them to stop firing. There’s still time to save the fleet!”

 

“Are you  _ mad _ ?” General Hux said, laughing maniacally. You shuddered, wondering if that sound had come from him when he had ordered the attack on the Hosnian system. “We are moments away from victory. It shall not be taken from us.”

 

You curled your hands into fists, breaking them open in time to grab Rose before she could fully move out from behind you. Ever quick, Captain Phasma had her weapon again trained on you. Specifically, on your head. Finn whispered his friend’s name. Rey tilted her face, presumably to have Finn enter her peripheral. Able to see him, she addressed Kylo Ren once more.

 

“Ben—”

 

“That’s my old name.” You clasped your hands together in front of yourself, thumbs tracing along both of your ring fingers. His names, the old and the new. “It’s time to let old things die, Rey.” Kylo Ren reached a hand out towards the young woman who had just fought at his side. “I want you to join me.”

 

Finn lunged forward, a hand on Rey’s upper arm as one of the blades clattered to the ground. The other remained in his grasp. “Rey…” She squeezed her eyes closed at the sound of Finn’s voice. 

 

Kylo Ren stepped nearer to the pair. “Rey.” The young woman met his gaze. “Please.”

 

General Hux’s hand on his blaster shook. He wanted to shoot both Force users where they stood, or at the very least Kylo Ren. You stared at the redhead, no longer able to watch Rey and Ren. You feared either outcome. Her joining Kylo, her leaving. You felt, somehow, as if there was no victory to be had.

 

“You will lead the Knights of Ren. We will create a new order in this galaxy.” This Kylo said in unison with Finn whispering, “Don’t go, Rey.”

 

The brunette female twisted around, embracing Finn. His arms twitched upwards then he melted, giving into the hug and returning it. Kylo had looked pointedly in General Hux’s direction then at Phasma. The chrome armored female lowered her weapon, holstering it. They had the upper hand, so long as they obeyed the man that had killed their Supreme Leader. Rey pulled back from Finn and looked once more at Kylo. There was a plea in her eyes, though what it was, you could not read. Kylo Ren knew her better. Their bond was stronger, they were two sides of the same coin.

 

The male Force user directed his attention towards General Hux. “End the attack.”

 

“You presume to command  _ my _ army?” the redhead shouted, seething with anger. His next words were cut off, Kylo’s hand in the air, fingers merging towards one another. General Hux grasped his throat with both of his hands. You knew what it felt like to be assaulted by that invisible pressure.

 

“The Supreme Leader,” Kylo Ren said, “is dead.”

 

General Hux sagged to the floor, the man on his knees as he continued to struggle. His face and lips were changing hue. “Long...live...the...Supreme….Leader,” he rasped, never once taking his eyes off of Ren. The Force user drew back his hand, his head whipping in Phasma’s direction. She addressed him by the title as if it had been his all along.

 

“Destroy the cruiser but leave the shuttles alone,” Kylo said. He turned, his eyes narrowing as he stared past both you and Rose at the display. The last of the transport shuttles had abandoned the cruiser. General Hux spoke into his commlink, giving the order. “Take the Resistance off my ship. The droid with them.”

 

“Alive, sir?” Phasma asked as though the conversation was an everyday occurrence.

 

You stopped observing the First Order triumvirate—or whatever it had become—and watched instead Rey with Finn. Confusion had begun to show on the man’s face. Rey touched his cheek. You gasped when his body slumped forward. Tired as she was from the battle, Rey caught the unconscious Finn, hooking her arms underneath his armpits so that he did not hit the floor. Rose walked around you. You would have moved to go with her had there not been pressure locking your legs in place.

 

“They can rendezvous with the Falcon,” Rey said. Kylo had walked up to her and pulled Finn up into his arms. The pressure on your legs lifted, yet you found yourself unable to move. The desperation in Rey’s voice was what held you in place. The hope that filtered through your bond. That hope for Ben Solo’s return. You closed your eyes and thought of those random moments where you had once held the same belief.

 

_ He has all the pieces he wants now. _ You sank onto the floor and stared at the corpses that littered the ground. The dead Supreme Leader. The guards. Captain Phasma escorted Rose out of the throne room. Kylo Ren carried Finn in his arms and Rey remained at his side. You wanted to argue that you should be leaving the  _ Supremacy _ along with the others once they located BB-8. That was something Ren would now allow. He continuously told you that there was no longer a Resistance for you. The man had chosen his words carefully to allow you to know you were not free to leave.

 

General Hux stood in the center of the room. He had one arm extended. The blaster pointed your way.  _ Even if he lets the Resistance leave now, they’re outnumbered. He can find them again. Meanwhile he’ll corrupt her. _

 

“Maybe I should have let you kill him,” you said. The words threatened to choke you. It hurt you to speak them aloud, offered you nothing but a sense of emptiness as you imagined life beyond Kylo Ren.

 

“Don’t go soft on me now, tooka,” the man said, holstering the blaster. You had both heard those familiar boot steps. They were coming back rather than leading away. Kylo Ren refused to leave you alone with General Hux for very long. Or to allow Hux much time out of his sights. “We would both be dead if I had.”

 

You were so  _ tired _ of being everyone’s pawn. The Resistance’s. Snoke’s. Hux’s. Kylo’s. Here your mind protested, something beyond your body betraying you as you recalled the words  _ I love you _ . This time you believed them in full. You suddenly feared that if he spoke them again, you would crumble.

 

Kylo Ren entered the throne room without the added load of an unconscious body. You knew that Rey had remained with Finn, and Captain Phasma would not abandon her position as guard. She was not stupid enough to try to kill Rey now that the female Force user had agreed to work with the First Order. Rey hoped to somehow influence Kylo Ren in ways that you had failed to since your capture. They would bring order to the galaxy, whatever that meant. You, meanwhile, looked to General Hux before staring up at Ren. Blue eyes were glued to the floor. General Hux was plotting something, though you were not sure what just yet. Or at least you did not know the details. Ultimately he would want to unseat Kylo Ren. If Rey focused more on the Knights of Ren, she might be left alone.

 

Though Ren genuflected in front of you, when he spoke he was addressing Hux. “She is not ready to face Skywalker, to kill him. I can sense him. He will be coming for the Resistance. If we pursued him, we could very well lose.” The general opened his mouth to protest, however was quickly cut off. “Numbers mean little. The Rebel Alliance was nothing in comparison to the size of the Empire. There are forces in this galaxy you know nothing of.”

 

A leather glove touched your cheek. You flinched at the contact, at what was said as Ren caressed you. “Set a course for the Naboo when all other orders have been carried out. The Knights of Ren will meet us there.”

 

“Naboo?” General Hux said, disgust and annoyance tinging his words.

 

Kylo Ren stroked down your cheek to your shoulder and all the way to your wrist, where he encircled his fingers around its circumference. He lifted the limb to him and nibbled on the end of your ring finger, the one that held his current name. His. That was what he called you. You averted your gaze, wave of numbness causing you to slump forward into his chest. He smelled musky, much as he did after sex, due to the battle. His. Kylo Ren sucked to the top of your finger into his mouth.

 

He wanted you to kill the past now that he was Supreme Leader, or at least the parts that had driven a wedge and prevented you from loving him. He wanted to truly make you his...by marrying you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, before TLJ, my notes for TBT included having Snoke die to wrap up part 2, and there be a hint about the bond between Tooke and Rey. I've altered a few things because of it, but am trying to stick with most of the same plan in terms of outcome.


	34. THIRTY-FOUR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to Artisanthemage for looking over the first 4k words and answering some questions. I love you so much!

**Three Blind Tooke**

 

_ Part Two: Precarious Harmony _

 

Chapter Thirty-Four : Yours and Yours Alone

 

It was the Naboo of your childhood that you dreamed of and longed for on those rare occasions you had time to dwell on your desires. That was the Naboo that flashed before your mind’s eye in the seconds succeeding Kylo Ren ordering the course to be set. Your father was alive on that Naboo, and you momentarily allowed yourself to imagine what your wedding would have been like in more ideal circumstances. Your father walking you down the aisle. The groom someone you cared for, someone who had never harmed you. The fantasy was not something that could last. Kylo Ren nibbled on your finger again prior to him pulling away and rising to his feet. You stared directly ahead at his shins.

 

The screen that had depicted the Resistance fleet caught your attention. You lifted your eyes to it, observing the destruction of the cruiser that had started to face the  _ Supremacy _ . Perhaps it had been readying itself for a last minute attack. It was futile to dwell on it. You had other concerns, such as how long Kylo Ren planned to leave the Resistance alone. He would need time to draw Rey closer to himself and the Knights of Ren. Now that he was Supreme Leader, he had far too many resources at his disposal. Far too much power.

 

You were not like that. This was one aspect where you were far different than your captor. You had never fallen in love with the idea of power, and thus you were not seduced by the title Kylo now held.

 

Panting from the exertion of the fight and the heat in the throne room, you pushed yourself onto your feet and rejected the hand that Kylo offered. His eyes narrowed when you stepped around him with the intention of re-joining Rey. It was not your name you heard called. From the ginger haired man that had given the order resulting in your mother’s demise, it was  _ tooka _ . From the man that had captured you and, cruelly, kept you alive, it was  _ tooke _ . You had had numerous names since you had left home and joined the Resistance. It was but a simple task for you to shed them as you moved on to a different chapter.

 

Your hands fit together well, fingers entwined with the names tattooed onto your flesh available for your viewing pleasure. That was all a marriage to Kylo Ren would be, you thought. A new name, nothing more.

 

You recalled the night you had felt wetness on your cheek, which you had believed were tears from your enemy. You remembered the times he had accused you of feeling nothing for him.  _ This means nothing _ . That did sum up how you were beginning to feel. This numbness would not last you forever. Naboo would jar you back to the reality of your situation as well as that of the galaxy.

 

The heat of the throne room faded away as you traveled down the hallway. Two sets of footsteps followed behind you. General Hux and Kylo Ren spoke to one another regarding upcoming plans for the First Order, namely how they would strengthen the army that would face Skywalker alongside the Knights of Ren. The Resistance would aim to recuperate enough to face the First Order anew. These men were in no way idiots. While the late-Supreme Leader had in fact been pulling the strings, it was becoming increasingly clear to you that Kylo Ren and General Armitage Hux had been solely responsible for numerous decisions they had made. They were less puppet-like than you had believed.

 

The new Supreme Leader lengthened his strides to allow himself the ability to take the lead. Your pace fell, slowing until both men were in front of you. Your gaze flicked from one to the other and back. In the long stretches of hallways and corridors that the three of you took to rejoin Rey and Captain Phasma, you found yourself wondering if this was all nothing more than a dream. Or perhaps it was hell. If being by your father had been real, if it had been the quick stage of purgatory before you were judged for your monstrous deeds committed for the sake of killing monsters, this could very well be your prison. It would last forever if that were the case.

 

The rims of Rey’s eyes were red, as though the young woman had shed tears when saying her farewell to the unconscious Finn. There were a multitude of other reasons for her to have cried.

 

Kylo looked to the female Force user while gesturing to you. “Care for her. She will take you to my quarters. I will not use them until better accommodations have been made for you.”

 

It went without saying that Kylo Ren refused to entrust your life to either Captain Phasma or General Hux. He knew that Rey would keep you safe. In a beautifully, twisted way the man who had condemned you to this life was attempting to protect you. Marriage ensured that those who served him would no longer view you as a prisoner, as a Resistance member. Their lingering resentment would forever remain in the same manner that you would never be capable of erasing the past. The difference would be that their obligation to treat you, namely when it came to medical issues, would intensify. Any insult served to you would be directed towards the Supreme Leader. If either Hux or Phasma attempted to harm you, they would be committing treason. Given that they were equally responsible for the death of Snoke and his guards, they did not have any sort of leverage over the Force user.

 

A pair of cold, blue-green eyes landed on your body. General Hux was now aware that Kylo Ren knew of his intentions to either use or kill you. Anything to weaken the new Supreme Leader. It was why the redhead was being forced to remain so close to the other man’s side, at least until the Knights of Ren arrived.

 

You were merely grateful for the fact that you would have time away from the two men that had been dictating how your life would go. Without waiting to see if Rey would follow you, you headed in the direction that you remembered Ren’s quarters were located. You did not have the  _ Supremacy _ mapped out in your mind in the same manner that you had been able to commit the  _ Finalizer _ to memory. The blank spaces in your mental map caused you to pause in your steps, to hesitate in making decisions when it came to picking a direction. Rey’s footsteps echoed yours.

 

“You should have gone with them, with your friends,” you murmured when the two of you were on the lift that would take you to the hallway leading to Ren’s quarters. “You think there’s good in Ren—and, I guess, in a way there is… I’ve seen it. But it’s not… You shouldn’t have stayed for him. I know you think you were close to changing him, but—”

 

“I didn’t stay for Ben,” Rey said, her voice firm yet gentle as she interrupted you. “I stayed for  _ you _ .”

 

You collapsed to your knees at her words. Fingers were in your hair, and those were yours. Hands were on your shoulders, and those were hers. Your jaw was aslack, your lungs taking in shaky breaths. Inhaling then exhaling in hopes to expel the sudden pressure in your chest.

 

The bottom line was that you did not feel as though you were worth saving. Not only due to your broken body, which could fail at any given moment because you had treated it poorly following your injuries; you had aided Kylo Ren in bringing this woman across the galaxy to him. She would have left with her friends if not for you. Perhaps she would have been able to join Luke Skywalker in facing the First Order. Or she would have fallen with the last of the Resistance. Either way, you had no place in her destiny. You did not deserve that after all you had done.

 

Once upon a time, Kylo Ren had said that you were not afraid of dying. You had contradicted this with the truth, that you were afraid. But what terrified you beyond anything else was leading others to their deaths. This could very well be what you had done for Rey. All because she believed that you were worth protecting.

 

“I helped prepare him for hearing his birth name come from your lips.” You felt like the lowest lifeform in all the universe. Rey genuflected beside you, her hand on your back. You flinched at the contact. Your vision swam, the various shades of grey melding together then drifting apart. With the danger posed by Snoke and the guards fading away into a thing of the past, with the Resistance temporarily safe from the First Order, the adrenaline that had been coursing through you lessened. This coupled with your emotionally vulnerable state to render you exhausted. You feared that you would lose consciousness on the lift. Rey murmured something to you. It took longer for your brain to register it.  _ It doesn’t matter. I know why you did it. _ The sob that left you this time was one of sheer relief.

 

You laughed next as the tears spilled down your cheeks. You believed her. Had the words come from anyone else, such as Rose or another Resistance member, you would not have trusted them. With Rey, you knew that she could understand your motivations better than most. Ironically, it was due to the Force that she was able to wield. The Force, which you continued to  _ hate _ because of how it had been used against you.

 

The lift came to a stop, however neither you nor Rey stepped off. You pinched the bridge of your nose between two fingers in the hopes of relieving some of the pressure that was building from the storm of emotions assaulting you. Rey’s hand moved from your back. She cupped your upper arm, tugged you to your feet, and slid her other arm behind your back to cradle you. You allowed her to drag you along. All the while you offered clipped statements to aid in directing her to Kylo Ren’s quarters.

 

You stumbled through the door, and broke away from the young woman who had been the embodiment of hope for you. Your hands were moving of their own accord, or perhaps from some subconscious need to rid yourself of the First Order insignias that existed on the borrowed clothing you had been given. You stripped down to nothing more than your undergarments. It did not occur to you that Rey might be uncomfortable with the display. You had momentarily forgotten all social etiquette your parents had drilled into you from a young age. There was a loose shirt, one of Ren’s, that you grabbed out instead.

 

Only once you were clothed did you remember that she was present. You regarded the brunette, who had sat on the edge of the bed. Her palms were on the mattress, and her eyes were on you. Cautiously, you ducked your head and walked over to the piece of furniture. She had been in this room with you and Kylo before via their bond. Not that the two of you had been able to see one another. Regardless, it allowed for a sense of calm to easily envelope the room. You climbed onto the mattress and rested your head on the pillow you had previously used. Rey stretched out next to you.

 

“You’re to be his Knight...and me… He wants to marry me. After all he’s done, I’m supposed to be his wife.” There was a tremor in your voice, and you despised it with all your being.

 

You laid there in bed with Rey, your flesh covered by nothing more than the loose shirt and your undergarments. She was on her stomach. Her head turned towards you so that she was able to see your face. “You’re afraid.” A statement from her, one you had heard come from Ren’s lips. It was different now. Worry in her voice mingled with confusion. Despite the bond that existed between the two of you, she did not know you as well as he did.

 

“It shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks, not really,” you said in a whisper that was loud enough for her to hear without straining. “It’s  _ my  _ choice. He wronged  _ me _ . Whether I forgive him or not… Whether I choose to put that—all of it—into the past or not…

 

“But that isn’t how I think of things. Not with this. I think as though I’m on the outside looking in. I think of it as though I had been watching who I’ve been forced to become. And who I might have been.  _ How could she be with him like that? _ But any choice I make is wrong. Any choice I make is right. It’s my choice.  _ Mine _ . I just… I don’t know how to make it. It’s so easy to judge when you’re on the outside looking in. It’s easy to make the decision.”

 

You rolled over to where your back was to her, quite similar to the way you laid that first night in bed with Kylo. Back when you had referred to him only as  _ creature _ . This part of what you had to say, you could not look her in the eye. You had spoken of the incident with General Hux before you had had sex with him. There had been a lack of details offered on your part. For this, you were grateful given how things had turned out with the officer.

 

“I don’t… There are many things that I do not remember. He used the Force to control me many times.” You swallowed thickly, squeezed closed your eyes, and forced yourself to take a trip down a dark portion of memory lane. “Snoke said that Kylo hated me because of a memory I had from my childhood. It was a memory that he saw when he was in my head that first time. I didn’t know that at the time though. The thing that terrified me, that hurts more than anything… I… I remember him hesitating that first time, right before he had me use his lightsaber to…” You shook your head again, unable to say the words aloud despite having said them before. “He knew what he was doing was wrong, that it was… He didn’t rape me with his body that time.”

 

Rey had shifted on the bed behind you. The mattress rocked, and there was a sound of flesh sealing over lips. Her hand. She muffled any noise she may have made, which drove further the horror of what had happened to you. You had forgotten that she could not have known how Kylo Ren had treated you, not to the extent he had. She had known you were his prisoner as well as his guest. You could sense from your bond that she knew he cared for you on some strange level, that it confused you and shook you to your core. He had hurt you. She had to have been able to sense that. She clearly had not been prepared for the news that Kylo Ren had raped you.

 

The dam, however, had been broken. Words tumbled from your lips faster than your mind could process them. You felt safe with her. It was the first time you found that you could say these things aloud. The first time you were speaking with someone who had never been your enemy about the horrors you had faced, all you had endured.

 

“He did it in stages. Looking back, it’s almost like he had to build up to the actual rape. And even with that, I had no control of my body. He couldn’t pin me down that first time. He almost did. In the forest, he almost raped me, but he stopped when I finally broke down and begged him to not. I wonder what was going through his mind then. If he remembered that he was human, that what he was doing was wrong. If that’s true, though, he used my mouth like it didn’t matter. Then his hand.”

 

Adrenaline coursed through your veins as you spoke. You were trembling, your teeth chattering together as though you were again on the cold surface of Starkiller Base. Behind you erupted a sob. You mentally swore prior to releasing an audible curse. Hearing someone cry on your behalf stung. You were not searching for sympathy. Knowing that you were receiving it did not still your tongue.

 

“At the end of it, the first time he raped me… When I truly lost my virginity to him, I… I don’t remember most of it. Just bits and pieces. The end of it, though, I had control again. He said: ‘You seemed to enjoy yourself, little tooke.’ And then he told me, while he was, uh, putting… While he was re-adjusting himself, he told me that I was ‘such a pretty sight’. I thought it was to insult me, but the horrible thing is that I think he meant it. I don’t think he meant to say it. He did... He would do things every now and again that in retrospect I believe is proof that on some disgusting level he did care for me. How do I forgive and forget that? That isn’t… That is not the kind of love I was raised to know.”

 

You fell quiet, and the room was filled only by the sounds of your breathing and the muffled crying of the young woman in bed with you. There was a part of you that wished to tell Rey she need not cry for you. Those horrors were in the past. Besides, you were unable to accept any sympathy; this you learned as the sensation of being struck through the heart caused your chest to ache. This occurred, too, beyond the fact that someone was pitying you and delving into the realm of your realization that your volatile feelings for Kylo Ren did include the hints of affection. That tiny glimmer of light within him, you loved it. It was this same glimmer that had assisted in persuading Rey to board the  _ Supremacy _ .

 

Taking pity on Rey for the level of empathy she had, you moved your body to allow your eyes to meet. Those tears nearly broke your heart. Her entire form trembled with another sob. Given that she had grown up as a scavenger from Jakku, you well knew that she had seen sights of such horror in the past. Mangled bodies, losses of limb, carnage you learned only after joining the Resistance. Had she ever allowed herself to grow close to any of those individuals? Or was the intimacy of friendship—and of Force bonds—new to her? For you, it had been months since you had done this, cared for someone and not regarded them as an enemy, as someone who would betray you.

 

Trembling, that was the behavior of the hand you used to reach towards her face. You touched her cheek just above where her own hand rested as she kept her mouth covered. This time when you spoke, your voice was as quiet as it had been before yet far more gentle. Soothing words spilled from your lips. Some of them were lies. Others were half-truths. Rey listened to it all. Her hand shifted away from her mouth and met your hand. She cupped it to her face, increasing the pressure you used. Your heart stuttered, your words momentarily failed you.

 

An impression through the bond, the sense of self-loathing over how Rey had allowed herself to become entangled in the connection she had with Kylo Ren, the one that had been created—or at least nursed—by Snoke. She had traversed that dark mind while in the heat of battle. It had spurred her onwards, allowed her to defeat the Praetorian Guards. She had  _ welcomed _ it. Now that she was aware of the what its source had been capable of doing, Rey was appalled.

 

“You are not responsible for his actions,” you whispered, stroking her hair. “Neither is Snoke.” Her mouth closed, and the sob this time was silent as well as much weaker than its predecessors. “Snoke… I know that he influenced Kylo’s choices. He helped to corrupt him, to drag him further into the darkness. Ultimately, though, it was Kylo who did that to me. Not Snoke.”

 

“When… When he was younger, Luke sensed darkness in him. Ben woke up to his uncle standing over him with a lightsaber drawn. He believed—”

 

“I tried to kill Kylo. Many times,” you said, cutting her off. “And he’s nearly killed me more than once. Luke Skywalker is  _ not _ responsible for my being raped. There is never any excuse for it.”

 

This was something that she already believed as well, though she childishly attempted to rationalize such violent behavior. She was bracing herself for whichever decision you made. Conjuring arguments to support a decision to forgive him; giving room for you to demand she understand why you could not. More than that, she wanted to comfort you. It was as though she could sense just how confused  _ you _ were.

 

“I didn’t stay for Ben. But I don’t want to give up hope that he can return.”

 

You did not have the heart to argue with her. At one point—at multiple points—you had harbored similar hopes. The female Force user placed one hand on your upper arm. She voiced that she would not allow you to be lost; you were not a sacrifice to return Ben Solo to the Light. Your eyes wandered her face. Was this how Kylo Ren had felt when he had called you foolish for clinging onto the Resistance after your capture? You were not as cruel as he was. You squeezed your hands into fists between your body and hers, ensuring that the tattoos were not within sight.

 

“I hate the Force.” Rey shook her head. Her tears had dried up, and now her brow furrowed. She began speaking of the Force’s beauty. The balance. Light. Dark. Life. Death. You mouthed a single word.  _ No. _

 

Rey lifted her torso then cupped your face in both of her hands. “I felt you through the Force.” It felt as though she had delivered a blow to your stomach. “Some of the goodness I sensed from Ben… It came from  _ you _ . I felt you, how you have complicated him. I know the darkness in him is more than I want to believe. That is not the Force. The Force is in all living things. It connects us, and I… I refuse to believe that it is evil. I’ve touched that darkness. Not only in the throne room with Snoke. On Starkiller as well. I almost gave in, but that wasn’t the Force, not really. That was my anger.

 

“The things he did, the way he robbed you of your freewill, that  _ is _ evil. That was  _ him _ . That was not the Force.” It was strange how quickly things had changed; you were now the one sobbing, and she was the speaker. You did want to believe her. More than anything, you wanted to be the person you had been in the past. The one who knew that there existed monsters in the galaxy, while also appreciating all the beauty that life had to offer. “He tortured me on Starkiller, and it is nothing I can ever forget. I chose to forgive him—and you’re right. It is  _ your _ choice. It doesn’t matter what I chose. My hurts are my own. Please don’t let him take this away from you though. Whether you’re able to forgive him or not, don’t let him take away  _ your _ light. Because I saw it. I saw you through the Force. Not your face. It wasn’t anything physical. It was  _ you _ . The Force is in you, and you are not evil. You’re not something to hate.”

 

You clutched the front of her clothing, balling the material into your fists and brushing your nose along hers. You wanted, desperately, to believe what she was saying. On some level, you did. Yet your mind argued with you. It waged a war.  _ You had sex with your mother’s killer. _ The voice within was cruel and merciless.  _ You failed to save your comrades. You’ve developed feelings for their murderer. _ A smaller voice, an echo of Rey’s, whispered:  _ Some of the goodness I sensed from Ben… It came from  _ you.

 

She had told you that you had complicated him, and you had previously informed him that was what he had done to you. Was  _ that _ the Force? A paradox that could cause great awe and terrible fear? It was what you wished to believe. You allowed yourself to clasp onto this view. Thought of that moment with your father, the one that may or may not have been real. If the Force had allowed that—oh, but it was cruel yet merciful. Seeing your father, only to have him release you.

 

Before exhaustion at long last claimed its victory, you whispered Rey’s name just to hear her say yours.

 

~

 

The hammering of your heart was relentless as you rounded the corner, shuffling quickly enough that he could miss seeing you, though you did not run as such actions would summon his gaze. You had thus far been able to avoid Kylo Ren. Seeing him there in the doorway, his eyes surveying every individual who passed him by, had evoked a strong sense of fear. Fear as well as anticipation. You squeezed your eyes closed, pressed up against the wall, and took the risk of glancing past the corner. Air was sucked from your lungs. Empty. It reminded you far too much of the day he had nearly killed you, the day you had become his prisoner. You desperately searched further, craning your neck to no avail.

 

Your lips formed a mute swear. Pushing off the wall, you flung yourself down the hallway at a brisk pace. Remaining out in the open would get you caught. You needed more time away from him. Time to finish clearing your head. The visit you had had with Rey replayed in your mind. There had been such clarity offered. Life beyond Kylo Ren. She had not used a nickname with you. It was  _ you _ she spoke to. Not anyone she thought you should be or were. No sense that she was claiming you despite the bond you shared.

 

A dim glow had you halting long enough to open the door and head down the stairs. You cursed the metal that they were made from. The sounds of your footsteps echoed off the walls, forcing you to slow your pace. At the bottom of the stairs, you searched the room. Supplies. Hearing the door open, you wasted no time in diving to the shadowy corner underneath the stairs. You held a hand over your mouth to muffle your own breathing. One step. Another. Pausing. The footsteps moved in the opposite direction.

 

It was as you were lowering your hand from your mouth that you saw movement in your peripheral. Not enough time to react. The hand on your breast belonged to the arm blocking you from moving forward. His other hand dragging aside the collar of your shirt. A wet kiss on your collarbone then teeth. He nibbled at you, pressed his body into yours, and gently groped your chest. The hand that had been tugging at your shirt moved around you. A loose embrace. The hand now cupping you, rubbing you through the layers of your clothes.

 

Tilting back his head, Kylo Ren whispered, “You knew I’d find you.” You did. “I always do.” He did. “Tooke.” It sounded so filthy, the husky way he said your pet name. Your jaw slackened. Already you were panting, and confusion began to cloud your mind. It excited you that he was holding you this way. Physically it felt good, his lips skimming your flesh before his tongue flattened over the bite marks he was leaving. Not enough to hurt. A quick pressure. Sucking at the skin he captured. “You can’t hide from me.”

 

That was the dream that had plagued you as you slept in Rey’s arms. It was the catalyst for your leaving the bed to escape into a shower. The spray of the water hit to the left of your leg. You were huddled in the corner, your knees brought up to your chest and your arms wrapped around them. Droplets of water splashed from the floor onto your feet and legs. A light mist wet other portions of your body. You had locked the door to the refresher. Originally you had not intended to take so long, however the tears had started. The confusion mounting anew. You would soon be on Naboo, albeit a different one than from your fantasies.

 

Susurrations filtered through the vents that connected the refresher to the remainder of the quarters. The bond between Kylo Ren and Rey had not been eliminated despite Snoke’s demise. You had not expected it would, considering yours remained as well. And you were no Force user.

 

What was she saying to him? You failed to comprehend the snippets and syllables that did meet your ears.

 

Steam crawled along the walls of the shower stall. Condensation clung to the tiles, and you swiped a lone finger down a straight line. The water was more heated than the dialogue exchanged by the two Force users. Rey was not discussing what you had shared with her. It was something else. Something… Your eyes widened as you heard the door to Kylo Ren’s quarters open. Concern did not warrant a visit from the new Supreme Leader. Even though you had locked her out. How  _ was _ she to react to that? Kylo Ren knew you better than she did, you reminded yourself.

 

There were no inhibitions that may have prevented Kylo Ren from unlocking the refresher door. He did not call upon the Force to do so. Rey would have been plenty capable of accomplishing that much. She did not want to use the Force against you as Ren had countless times.

 

Your head collided gently with the showerwall. Staring up at the ceiling, you did not react when the curtain was drawn aside. That wretched dream replayed. He always found you. Presently he lowered himself into a crouch. One shoulder met the very edge of the wall. The spray formed a mist of droplets on the side of his face. The familiarity of his presence was a sinful comfort for you. You dropped one hand away from your legs to pat the floor directly beside yourself. You had done this before as well. Asking him to sit next to you. Only then the both of you had been dressed and outdoors.

 

That had been the first time he had kissed you.

 

This was no repetition. Unlike on the previous occasion, Kylo Ren did not oblige. The muscles in your legs contracted, as though you would leap up and run somewhere—away from the rejection. “The tooke will break.” He said such cruel things to you. So hurtful. It was like nails dragging down the length of your heart, shredding it to pieces. “You’re funny.” You shot him a glare.

 

Faltered the next second. Kylo Ren had drawn aside his cape and lifted the hem of his tunic. Attached to a belt loop on his pants was the electronic pet he had once given you. This. These were the actions he made that baffled you. The tangible objects you had been gifted. He always brought them back to you. The tooke hairclip withdrawn from somewhere on his belt.

 

“I vowed to you that I would keep you by my side—the best position for you to find openings to end my life. Marriage is a tool for you to gain the supplies and techniques you need.” What was the marriage to him? You were too afraid to ask. “For you to kill your past with me, if that is what you decide… You were fighting for him.”

 

“My father,” you said, your voice pitched. It was as though the water had frozen to ice. It stung your flesh wherever the mist touched. You no longer thought of the Naboo from your childhood; instead, you imagined the place your father’s headstone would be. Had he been cremated? Had he been buried? It was the first time Kylo Ren had offered you any true sense of closure.

 

That was not the love that your parents had ensured you grew to know either. It was not the toxicity that had once been your relationship with the man.

 

You broke eye contact first. His gaze lingered on your face even as you stood from the floor to twist the knobs and shut off the water. You rested your forehead on the wall. The absence of a threat to the electronic pet left an opening for Kylo Ren to enter the shower. He did not hesitate in taking it. The material of his clothing pressed up against your naked skin.

 

“‘The First Order will devour the Resistance’.” His lips were on the back of your neck. His breath when he exhaled at the sound of your words. “You did. You consumed my life before I met you, and it changed who I had been. Then you ate away my future with your blade. Dined on the final bits of what I used to be, who I used to be. You made me hate the Force for a while there. Worse, you caused me to hate myself. You said you wanted that. I wanted you to be unlovable, and you wanted me to be  _ nothing _ .”

 

“You were never nothing. Not to me.”

 

“I exist beyond you.” It felt like a weak half-truth. So caught up had you been in hunting him, now you were posing to yourself the question General Hux had once asked. If Kylo Ren died: what then? What would you do then? Now, if he did not die, if you chose to join him… “I could never join the First Order, nor what it stands for.”

 

That mouth was at your ear. “Your skills will assist both the Resistance and the First Order. Rey is similar. The two of you will learn. I will bring peace and order to the galaxy. Snoke was wise, yet still foolish. It took me a while to understand that, but I did. You… You and Rey, you helped me to see.”

 

The cost of this revelation had simply been so much of you.

 

“The guards were not the last of Snoke’s allies, nor have they been the only factor driving this war into what it has become. The New Republic allowed for this as much as those funding the creation of the weapons we use. The Resistance is not ignorant, not its leaders. They knew. How could they not?”

 

You better understood what Rey had attempted to convey to you the previous night. How one’s humanity—any species, their morality—could alter what the Force stood for. What the war stood for. Kylo Ren had once used the Force against you, perverting its very nature and robbing you of yours. It was not the Force you had hated. These others, these seemingly neutral parties, they  _ did _ love war. It was not peace that they hoped for. It was money. If ever the galaxy was to find peace, eventually the First Order and the Resistance, what was left of each, had to achieve the same goal. They had to find a common cause. It had worked to defeat Snoke.

 

“I’m terrified to trust you.” His hands eclipsed yours. You stared at the leather, which hid those two names from your eye. “Who are we becoming?”

 

He did not attempt to offer a response. It could be that he did not have one, or that he feared it would upset you. Whichever the case, the silence hung in the air. Kylo walked with you out of the shower, and wrapped a towel around your body. Rey’s reflection caught your eye in the mirror. You looked from the reflective surface to the young woman herself. She stood in the doorway, awkwardly shifting from one leg to the other. Your near nakedness had a limited impact on her. Her gaze wandered about your body, generally remaining on your shoulders and higher. Ren broke physical contact only once he had positioned you closer to the door and the female Force user.

 

The words  _ Hux cannot be left alone for long _ slipped from him as he nodded at Rey and exited the refresher. Your bare feet slapped against the ground. Rushing forward, you barely managed to catch his wrist. There was no need for you to articulate the reasoning for your actions. He rolled the arm that you had latched onto, securing the tooke clip that was within the hand into your hair. His hand then patted directly over where the electronic pet was located. Rather than return this item to you as well, the man whispered that he would give it to you after you spoke with your father on Naboo.

 

There was no room to argue with him. Not because you did not desire the familiarity of the pet; Kylo Ren had spoken the truth in regards to General Hux. Without Kylo, Rey or the Knights of Ren present, the First Order officer would seek out any means to overthrow the new Supreme Leader. And he would be far more ruthless in his methods of destroying the Resistance.

 

When again it was only the two of you inside of Kylo Ren’s quarters aboard the  _ Supremacy _ , Rey said your name. You looked to the right in order to meet her inquiring gaze. She, averting her eyes, asked how you had been captured by the First Order. Throughout your entire tale the previous night, you had never elaborated on that part of the tale. You set a lone hand over your abdomen, touching your scar through the towel. There were no more splinter cells. Speaking of them endangered none of your allies. You did not worry if Kylo Ren had any cameras hidden in this room—you doubted that they existed here. The young woman listened to your story. How you had come to obtain the position of LDS tasked with the duty of hunting down Kylo Ren. You spoke of your capture. Waiting there to be burned along with your allies. You ended the story there. No need to revisit the other horrors.

 

“When you were ill, he told me that your body was in a weakened state because of a lightsaber wound.” You nodded, offered up the medical terms that had been given to you.  _ Secondary endometriosis. _ The way your organs had been fused together and damaged. A weakened immune system. “You’re struggling with the idea of marrying him.” This was true. You accepted it on many levels, namely the reasoning Kylo Ren had brought up in the refresher. Yet this was not how you had envisioned things would be if ever you wed. Rey pushed off the door frame and walked towards the center of the room. “I’m to lead the Knights of Ren. I want peace for the galaxy. I know to let the Force guide me—Master Skywalker… He may not have been the greatest teacher, but I did learn things from him. It is easy to give into the darkness. I told him that I would not fail him as Kylo had.”

 

You better understood her, and why she had cried the previous night. Not only at what you had been dealt, but with whom she had aligned herself. She felt as though she was betraying her allies, though you understood her true reasoning for remaining behind. At this time, the best way to defeat the First Order was from within. She could not return to Luke’s side as she wanted to. Rey had to rely on herself, to know and accept herself in the same manner you had been forced to. In doing so, she would learn to work with the Knights of Ren. She would break down the poison being fed to the minds within the First Order. Kylo Ren was wavering; why should his Knights— _ her _ Knights—be any different?

 

It was ironic to you that Kylo Ren’s jealousy had caused him to attempt to pervert your connection with Rey. Now he was pushing you towards one another. Did he realize what he had done? Neither of you had to work alone. You both would toe that darkness without allowing the other to be submerged.

 

The sense of loneliness that had lingered regardless of whether Hux or Ren were in your presence was eliminated. You had a true ally here. The Resistance had sent the both of you on this mission, albeit at different times. Bring down Kylo Ren. Defeat the First Order.

 

“For now, Kylo will get precisely what he wants.” You paused, allowing time for the information to be digested. You were struggling with the it yourself. It went against so much of what you had been trained for, what you had been aiming to do. “You as the new Master of the Knights of Ren. He is the Supreme Leader of the First Order. And I’ll… I can marry him. Marriage can mean nothing.” Rey’s lips twitched. As though something was dancing on the tip of her tongue; something that she did not allow herself to say. You already knew what it was, for it was on the tip of your tongue as well. At the forefront of your thoughts.

 

The marriage did mean something. It was more than nothing. It was only after marrying him that you would know if you would focus on killing him, or allow yourself to set aside the past. You swiped your thumbs on the undersides of your ring fingers.

 

_ His. _

 

What you had struggled against, denied countless times. Only by allowing yourself to become his wife, by agreeing to the marriage, would you know the extent of the broken love you had for one another.

 

“I’m terrified, Rey.”

 

“Any choice you make is yours.” It was different, you mused, than when you had gone to General Hux’s bed under the false pretense of having a choice. Forgiveness. That  _ was _ your choice, and one that no one could force from you. “Any choice you make is  _ right _ .”

 

It is wrong to want someone to die. It is wrong to forgive someone for committing unspeakable crimes. It is wrong to kill in cold blood. It is wrong to love your enemy. It is wrong to hate.

 

You lifted the names to your lips and kissed them.

 

_ Dad, what is the right choice for me? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much of what occurs in this chapter, Tooke's conversation with Rey, I have had in my outline and envisioned for over a year. It was before TLJ was released that this happened. There are some differences because of TLJ, but I am so happy to have been able to write this chapter.
> 
> It is also something that many of you have hinted at guessing you'd be seeing. The contrast between Rey and Ren with the RC. When it came to the Force and more.
> 
> This is also touching on things that have been discussed since back when Resistance is Futile was originally published in early/mid 2016. Whether or not Kylo can be forgiven. Can Tooke love him. If that is to happen /how/? That is a most powerful question to me, and something that has made me nervous when working on this fic. Because, to me, there is weirdly no right or wrong answer. My standpoint is that forgiveness is for the victim alone to choose. Seeing some of you struggle in comments, saying that you feel guilty for wanting the RC to forgive Ren... It has been powerful, and it is something that, each time it has occurred, I sort of pause in thought.
> 
> I want to take this time to thank you all for that. Those instances where I was made to pause. Due to what has driven this fic for me, I cannot begin to tell you all how much it has meant that I was allowed to come to my standpoint because of those comments. That I could accept that there was no ultimately right or wrong answer when it came to forgiveness. And not just forgiveness itself, but the level of that forgiveness. If it means continuing to interact with the person you forgave. If it means breaking away.
> 
> No matter what direction this fic takes; if Tooke puts aside the past with Ren, or if Tooke is unable to do that... None of you are wrong for having an opinion on what should happen here. This is the one area that /is/ personal to each and every reader. All of your views on this matter are completely valid. 
> 
> This is a really long note; I apologize. One of the things that made this fic so hard at times was that, as I was dealing with my personal trauma, I was told how I should or should not feel. How I should or should not forgive. And I hope that I do not make any of you feel as though your viewpoint on what you would do in this situation is not valid.


	35. THIRTY-FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all of my fics, when I deleted my original account, I kept every single comment and every single update on kudos count. This is because you each took the time to leave them, and they are a gift that I cherish. This fic is not over yet, however the reasoning behind my starting it--dealing with my sexual assault and endometriosis...I had needed something to hold onto. I am finally in that place moving on from my assault, and for my endometriosis, I will be having a hysterectomy in October. As I stated before, it is all of you that helped to give me this strength.
> 
> So I want to thank each person who has given kudos and read this fic. And I want to thank each and every one of you thas has left a comment up until this point. I am naming those who commented on the previously posted fic (back when it was only Resistance is Futile) and those who commented on it here.
> 
> The list is alphabetical, as I wanted to ensure I grabbed all names.
> 
> A, A2006Artist, Adam-Senpai~, Aerris7, aimer_la_vie, Alexia_ Imriel_Courcel  
> Alexxxx, Alianna Seacrist, AllessaRen2198, alpacca, Amanda Mare, An  
> Anagallis, Anna, Annikin, anon, Anonymoose, Anonymous, anoonzee  
> Athens, Artemis_Hide, Artisanthemage, Aufzubluehen, Avdal, averygreen  
> Azera, babs, Bangcat, BelleNoelle, bestwithalisp, Bethanyb99, Blair  
> Blm, Bluefeather73, Brindille, Bryanne, burrey, Butt3rfly, CATCHINGDIVERGENTFIRE123  
> Catherine, CharmanderPwns, clem, Clivia, Costello, cuddlesome, cultraviolent  
> damnyouaddams, Danae, diamondsdancing, Doctorkei23, dorkyhipster, Elenielwen  
> emopanda1005, EveningSprinkle, Fabiola, fairyflossist, Falling_Night, Filipa, fishlady  
> ForceDJ, Frau_Blucher, frenchiefrys, freshneverfrozen, Freya, GeneralTrash, giabia15  
> gonesofargone, GossipRen, Guest, Gunine, H, Han, HeartofDreamer, hina  
> Iamtrash0102, IkyloRenI, It me, J, Januarysixth, Jasmine, jeminguay, Karla_shadow  
> kassanovella, Kayfoxtrot, Kidamon180, Kirra_Lani, KoalaBoss939, Korbei  
> Kylobnm, kylomademedoit, kylopen, kylorenisamazing, Kylotrash, kylosbrickhousebody  
> L, Lacrypants, Lady_Rowboatt, Lexianne25, Lexie, Lilian, Lilkhalee, LuaKitsune  
> LuceroNox, Lucky7134ever, MadameClutch, Maddieland, MagicKip, Magnolia  
> Maritafan, matxuoka, Meaghan M, Meep, MeganD1, Meghan, Merkate, Mia  
> MissRen, msDisillusioned, MuteHero86, My-An, myb, Navah, Obi_Juan_Kablooie  
> OffensiveMaterial, Pandamanda69, PegasusAngel, Phb, Pheebers, Phoebe, Phoenix_LS  
> PhoenixRisingN7, princess, PrincessManson, purplequeenppgz, quietgold, r_7  
> Ramona, Ravenswood, rccrpntr, Reymendoza, Rica, rinnfey, Rita Lawrence, Rockinghorsefly  
> Rosalin, rossequartzz, Rouleau_de_saucisse, rovingreporter, S., saltkit, Scherazade  
> SerCollop, Snips, Snowflake28, Soph, Southernskies, Sparklebutt, Stacell72, Staralala  
> Stiletto Ren, Sun_Day, Supreme8Pack, SweetScone, Swoop, Tasha, THATSSOMEGOODSHITRIGHTTHERE  
> thebabyinthecorner, thecurlycaptain, TheDreamer7911, TheReluctantLady, Tia, TinyBirdGames  
> teyfrommars, trashfan2003, Venusss, Very-Suspicious, Winter_Witch, xen, xlilith  
> xxx, yay, yomamasd

**Three Blind Tooke**

 

_ Part Two: Precarious Harmony _

 

Chapter Thirty-Five : Our Lives Are But a Tempest

 

Green was washed away by the rainbow of flowers that were in bloom. You could see them through the windshield of the Command Shuttle. Kylo Ren, Rey, and you were standing; only the man was not holding onto the back of a seat to keep himself steady. He was familiar with this vessel, with the turbulence it could meet. Originally when you had set out, you had been seated in the chair that remained behind Kylo. It was  _ his _ seat, however you were the only person there whose body threatened to fail at any given moment. This was once more been emphasized when the Command Shuttle had broken atmosphere. The punch to the gut feeling that had caused your legs to draw upwards towards the center of your body, that had forced you to grip the armrests with all of your strength to keep yourself from pitching forward. The fight with the Praetorian guards had taken too much from you. On top of that, the confusion and emotional turmoil that plagued you.

 

You had recovered since then. Taking your place at Kylo Ren’s side had felt  _ too _ natural. The clothing he wore, an echo of Naboo and Alderaanian styles. The dark red that had once been worn by his biological maternal grandmother. The style of his black cape similar to that of Bail Organa. It would have been easy to play a new game of make believe, to think of him as Ben Solo. Your right thumb skimmed along that name. For the first time in a while, you appreciated its presence. A reminder not of your torture, but of the fact that one’s past never fully disappeared. The young woman that you had once been, she was inside of you somewhere. It was her endurance that had aided you in surviving the torture. Just as it was the remnant of Ben Solo that had caused Kylo Ren pause before he had given into the dark ways taught to him by Snoke.

 

Rey’s hope that Ben Solo could be returned to the Light did not derive any more skepticism from you. Instead you embraced the thought that  _ part _ of you could return. Part of Ben could as well. Not that either of you would ever be the same again, though it was a lovely fantasy.

 

Beside you, Rey sucked in air. A gasp of awe. You and Ren both looked to her, observing her expression as the sight enraptured her. She had lived on Jakku for so long, you reminded yourself. This young woman was able to appreciate the beauty of Jakku more than you ever could; it was nearly incomprehensible for you to think of that, given how much this return meant to you.

 

Descending down the ramp of the Commander Shuttle, it struck you just how much its black form clashed with the world around it. The First Order did not belong here, you thought. These were words you could not speak aloud, words that would have no effect on the fact that they  _ were _ here. You had spent too much time already denying reality. Rey’s presence also prevented you from speaking of the negativity that surrounded the situation. She flew down the ramp more quickly than you, and paused when her feet touched the ground. Kylo was behind the two of you. Stormtroopers ahead, their feet on the planet’s surface.

 

Ren did not pay any heed to the beings in white armor. He set a hand on your lower back to steer you onward, forward. He knew where he was headed. Somehow, as though he had seen your father’s grave in the past. When you had first boarded the Command Shuttle and taken your seat in the chair that Kylo Ren normally occupied, the man had spoken to you, his voice soft. There  _ was _ a headstone for your father, one that existed in a garden. You pictured the setting, a place that you knew from your childhood. The shuttle had touched down within walking distance of the garden. He had known that you would wish to go nowhere else until you had at long last been reunited, in some small way, with your father.

 

Sweet scents marked your path, each blossom offering up an aroma that assaulted you with flashbacks. The memories you had put forth in your mind to hold off Kylo Ren from learning the secrets of the Resistance. This was a field of flowers you had run through as a child. The same field in which the boys had killed the tooke.

 

_ “I named you tooke, because I knew that destroying you would kill the remainder of my humanity. I became a rancor, though I told myself that  _ you _ were the monster.” _

 

Words he had whispered to you before the two of you had boarded the Command Shuttle to come to Naboo. Another admittance that he had known all along what he would commit himself to was wrong. A reiteration of another moment.

 

_ “Something so unforgivable…” Kylo Ren removed his hand from your scar, the man drawing back so that you no longer felt his lips or breath along your shoulder. “Ultimately we are enemies, tooke…and that can never change.” _

 

You thought of those boys who had killed the tooke, and the manner in which you had compared their actions with that of Kylo Ren’s. Your eyes darted to the exact spot where you had seen that cruel act. Tearing your attention away from that area, you flicked your gaze to Kylo Ren’s face. He was staring at the place you had been. Re-experiencing the memory while on this planet’s surface. Rey, the young woman in your peripheral as she walked mere feet behind you and Ren, was watching the Darkside user. Her hair fluttered in the light breeze that was blowing. The same force that ruffled the cape Kylo wore. His brown eyes shifted onto your face.

 

In the past, when you had worn attire from Naboo, Kylo Ren had taken you to his quarters on the  _ Finalizer _ and done what he willed. Now that you wore them again, he acted much differently. His eyes were less lecherous. His expression more mild. As though he had stopped being the monster desperate to kill you, or the self-proclaimed hero battling the evil enchantress. You caught a glimpse of what could had been, if only things had been different.

 

_ “I had another name for you. One that I never spoke aloud.” _

 

The memory of those whispered words brought on a shudder similar to the one that had assaulted you when they had first been spoken. You had asked what it was that he had called you, and Kylo Ren had merely lowered his gaze to the ground.

 

He did the same here. Upon noticing that you were observing him in turn, the man averted his gaze and lengthened his strides so that his face was not in your line of sight. Rey claimed Ren’s former position at your side. She stopped walking, the same way you had, and stood in the silence. Her lips were parted. Questions had to be on the tip of her tongue, however she did not ask them. She had not changed from the outfit that she had worn while fighting with Snoke and the guards, although she had temporarily removed them to allow for cleaning. The darker colors, as with the Command Shuttle, caused her to stand out amongst the flowers.

 

You offered her the briefest of smiles prior to scurrying forward. Kylo Ren had started to disappear around a turn where the stone path began. You did not wish to lose sight of him despite knowing approximately where the grave would be located. At the same time, you were at a loss for what you would say. It was not as though your father was there. He was dead.

 

Swallowing thickly, you willed away the bile that threatened to rise in your throat. Being home made it more real to you. You had lost both of your parents; your father, after you had joined the Resistance. As for your mother, you still blamed General Hux for her death. He had known, even when using you for his own political gain, that your mother would be on Hosnian Prime when he activated the weapon on Starkiller Base. If he had wanted, he could have prevented her death. She did not have to die. But Hux did not care for her, for anyone other than—not the First Order, it was  _ himself _ that he cared about. General Hux craved power. Meanwhile Kylo Ren, wrong as he was, committed acts so heinous because he  _ truly believed _ that he was aiming to improve the galaxy. Though he did enjoy the power as well, it was strangely less corrupt when you compared him with the redhead.

 

That was another thing you wished you could ask your father. You had never considered the possibility that you would face multiple monsters at once. What would he have done? What would he have told  _ you _ to do?

 

None of those questions included the added complication of Kylo Ren wishing to marry you.

 

You touched a petal of the rominaria nearest to you, looked over your shoulder to ensure yourself that Rey was not being left behind, and then resumed catching up with Kylo. The reassuring smile that had been on the female Force user’s face gave you confidence. You could face this moment that was being held in your near future. The decision that you would make; the words you would say aloud. You caught up to the man before he reached your father’s grave. Seizing hold of his left wrist, you tugged at the limb and took a deep breath as he stopped walking.

 

“Before I speak with my… Well, with the grave—” He chuckled, murmuring that you were speaking with your father’s spirit; the stone was but a medium, a physical symbol in the place of your father’s body. You shook your head, although not in disagreement. You relinquished your hold on his arm in order to lift your right hand to display the name  _ Ben Solo. _ That one finger you encircled with your entire left hand. The name was now eclipsed by the script that read  _ Kylo Ren _ . “Our past always sticks with us. You aren’t him anymore. I’m not… I am not the person you captured, but that does not change the things that I went through. That will  _ always _ be with me.

 

“If you think that the only way things can happen is for me to forget everything that I went through… You are robbing me of everything that I am. Even the parts of me that I hate, that is  _ me _ .” You drew your hands, one still clasped in the other, towards your heart. “You want me to forget because  _ you _ hurt… You  _ ache _ when you think about all that you let yourself do to me. You  _ used _ me as some body when you were doubting Snoke’s teachings, doubting the lies  _ you _ let yourself believe. Ren… _ You _ did this. You  _ chose  _ to do it all.” Now you held your hands side to side, displaying both  _ Ben Solo _ and  _ Kylo Ren _ . “They’re the same. I can show you either name, and  _ that _ is the person who did this to me.”

 

Kylo stepped closer to you. His hands were so much larger than yours, each cupping your fingers. Your mind summoned the memory of him breaking your fingers. It was strange, therefore, that you did not tremble at his touch. That treatment was in the past. Now he needed you, and he was not afraid to admit to that. Which was, in a way, perhaps more dangerous.

 

“There was not supposed to be love between us,” he said. His jaw shifted after his mouth had closed. His eyes moved away from yours, and he turned his head to the side. “I chose to believe his lies, that you would remain my enemy. That I should nurture my hate and give into it. You are right. I knew that it was wrong.”

 

Though Rey’s footsteps could be heard once more, which meant that she was undoubtedly listening to what was transpiring between the two of you, the moment was not broken. She was a part of you, through the Force and through the intimacy the two of you had shared as two  _ human beings _ .

 

“Tell me the truth, Kylo. Why is it that you want to marry me?”

 

There was no hesitation in him answering you. “You know me best, tooke. I could never belong to anyone else.” The Force user released your hands and instead placed his own on either side of your face. “It will not be a marriage from the fairytales your mother told you as a child.” You had not expected it to be; you weren’t delusional.

 

It had hit you on a deep, emotional level when you had once believed that Kylo Ren had been intimate with other women while with you. Ironic that—he had been your enemy, more than he was now. This was less about him wanting to own you than it was that he could not imagine allowing anyone else so close to him. Kylo Ren did trust Rey; he had a connection with her that was deep on many levels. That was different. You understood this now, knew why it was that Kylo Ren had desired to have Rey at his side when it came to ruling the galaxy. That was political, not romantic.

 

Rey paused several feet from where the pair of you were standing. Some semblance of privacy. You could hear her take the first step backwards, and it was then that you turned to motion her forward with a wave.

 

You walked around Kylo Ren, this time taking the lead to your father’s grave. It was located midway through the path. If you continued on, you would be able to see your house. That was not why you were there, or at least not yet. You lowered onto your knees at the headstone. The colorful trees and blossoms all around faded away in your mind. Your fingers were on the cold stone. You traced the letters of your father’s name. There were fresh flowers placed in front of the grave.

 

Ryoo.

 

You snorted while rolling your eyes. You thought of those who had referred to you as  _ Ryoo-bud _ , remembered moments with your father, and squeezed your eyes closed to picture both. Without reopening your eyes, you touched the ground beside you and spoke Kylo Ren’s name. The soles of his boots hit the dirt. Material rustled; he was either crouching or kneeling next to you. You inhaled through your nostrils. After holding your breath, you demanded that he speak aloud all the things he had done to you.

 

There was a strangled noise from Rey, a combination of a gasp and sob. You told her that she could leave; she did not need to hear all of the details. The young woman rejected the offer. She would be there for you.

 

For his part, Kylo Ren did not argue with your demands though he delayed in obliging. How  _ different _ it was, hearing everything spill from his mouth. The many invasions into your head, the countless violations of your body, and the numerous occasions he had slaughtered your allies. All of the times that he had stolen away your free will. Only now were you hearing the things that you had been forced to say to your mother. Every minute that had been stolen from you, you were offered a glimpse as to what you had done.

 

Your eyes snapped open, and you stared at Kylo Ren in shock. “My mother thought...what?”

 

“That you had married me,” he repeated. “My words were influencing you more than anyone else had been able to. I could not allow her to know that I was using the Force. She believed that this was why you seemed uncaring in regards to your father’s death.”

 

“She died believing a lie.”

 

There came no answer from the man, not immediately. He shifted once, as though unsure if he wished to remain squatting or if he would stand. He chose the latter, rising to his full height. You mimicked his actions. Confusion ate away at you, and you steadied yourself by placing a hand on the stone marker of your father’s grave. Kylo Ren covered his mouth with part of his hand. His eyes roamed along the features of your face. You stood there with your heart pounding in your chest.

 

“There is one final reason I brought you home, tooke. I allowed you to live a lie. One act of mercy for an enemy of the First Order.” You were shaking your head, unable to believe a word of what he was saying. Rey had also muttered out a  _ what _ of disbelief. “I did not let you lose  _ her _ . A secret neither Hux nor Snoke knew.”

 

The world around you spun, each flower melding with another and swirling along the stone path on which Rey stood. There were five Reys then only one. Your knees collided with the ground. You were not sure if your clothes ripped; there was something cold on your leg.

 

It  _ hurt _ —fantastically, mercifully, agonizingly. She lived, and you had had to mourn her all this time. If General Hux had learned that she had survived, he would have killed her to break you down. Snoke would not have hesitated either. This was an act of compassion from his apprentice. Your body had always meant nothing to you in a way. Not that its violation did not plague you, had not torn you to pieces. But all of that had been something you could endure. Believing that your mother had perished, that had shattered you. That had been the moment, along with realizing that your father had died, that you had thought more fondly of death. You had wanted to join them.

 

There was a voice speaking to you. Two voices. One male, the other female. They chanted the same word together. A single syllable.  _ Breathe _ . Only as its meaning hit you did you realize that you were hyperventilating. Rey was on her knees, her hands on your shoulders. Kylo’s face blurred when you tilted back your head to look at him.

 

He had not spoken the truth sooner; it may have influenced your decision, altered the way you reacted to his wanting to marry you. Kylo Ren had waited until you had been at your father’s grave. He had to have known that you had come to your conclusion. There was nothing to change your mind.

 

“One of my knights remained with her following her capture. I sent him before the weapon could be fired to ensure that he delayed your mother’s trip to Hosnian Prime. The system was destroyed before she could be missed.” The ryoo recaptured your attention. You stared at those buds through your tears; they had not come from your family’s garden, which meant that she was staying elsewhere. Everyone believed her to be dead so that it could not be discovered by General Hux that she had survived. “Your reaction to your father’s death, when you used my body as something to hold onto… I could not allow them to take her from you. You had already lost everything else—I had taken most of it.”

 

Rey had wrapped her arms around your trembling form. You subconsciously matched your breathing to hers so that it became more regulated. Faint whispers left her lips. They were soft puffs of air to your ears with syllables on the very edge of your hearing.

 

“For so long, I hated that I cared for you. I thought you would make me weak. And then I used the hatred you started to feel towards me as a cover. Without it, Snoke would have ordered me to kill you. You knew that—you suggested it so often. Recently I hoped that you could forget the past. I can’t take back the things I did to you.” He paused, his lips not fully sealed. His eyes were half-lidded and trained on the ground. They lifted to your face when he began to speak again. “After killing Snoke, I knew that you could not let go of the past.  _ I  _ cannot. And Hux… I need your skills, tooke, as an LDS. I will marry you. I am a selfish monster, tooke. I do not want anyone else. But when this war is done…” He swallowed thickly. His hands were at his sides in fists. “You won’t belong to me.” Those words were so quiet, yet they pierced you more deeply than anything else he had said. “There is no going back. The person that you were is dead.” Shaking his head and taking a step forward. You pulled from Rey’s embrace to stand, shakily, before Kylo Ren. Rey rose to her feet as well, twisting around to also face Ren. “The mother that loved her—that loves  _ you _ —is here.”

 

“I’m not supposed to love you,” you sobbed out, clenching your hands. “After everything you did… How is it that I love a part of you?”

 

“Because love is foolish.” You laughed, the sound pathetic even to your own ears. His lips twisted upwards into the ghost of a smirk. Beside you, Rey stared at Kylo Ren with an expression of mingled understanding and disbelief; with sorrow and joy. “We cannot play make believe anymore, tooke.”

 

_ What happens after Kylo Ren is dead? _ was a question so many had asked you. You had never had a proper answer. Even when it had changed to include the possibility of him remaining alive. The constant  _ what then _ ? That question that you could never move past.

 

Here, ironically, he had ensured that you had your answer. A place for you to go, be it after he died or even if he survived. This man had stolen so much from you. Now he offered you a means of moving forward.

 

Kylo Ren did not linger in the garden by your father’s grave for much longer. You, on the other hand, knelt before the headstone. It hardly felt real. You found yourself waiting for your father to walk down the path from which Ren had disappeared mere minutes ago. Any footsteps you heard, however, belonged to Rey. She refused to leave your side. There was a sense of worry traveling through the bond. It wrapped around your heart, coiling only to expand. It was amazing, knowing how it felt on a physical level that there were unspoken questions.

 

Her concern had to largely comprise of your future reactions to having listened to Kylo Ren confess his actions at your father’s grave. Namely when he had admitted that he had forced your body to react to his, had trained you as though you were an object, a toy, rather than a person.  _ “It was less real when I could ensure she physically enjoyed it.” _ That was what he had said, and it was the part of his confession that had pierced through Rey’s sense of compassion for the man formerly known as Ben Solo. For you, you had known all along, on some level, that this was the reason that he had treated you as such.

 

The silence was broken by the young woman uttering out the words: “I don’t understand.” You wondered if this was the first time she had said something to that effect in regards to the male Force user. You lifted an arm, your hand outstretched. She accepted, her hand sliding into yours as she knelt beside you. You laid your head on her upper arm. Words tumbled from your mouth, although they held no connection to the question she had asked. You instead spoke of things you did fully understand. You told Rey of Naboo, of the various fairy tales that your mother had read to you as a child. The stories that your father had shared, the ones with monsters and those without. The turmoil within the young woman was alleviated the more you told her.

 

Chitterings from birds echoed in the garden. They interrupted your train of thought on more than a single occasion, which resulted in you backtracking in the tales you told. Rey was ever patient throughout. She laughed in the appropriate places. At times she asked questions; there were many things from your planet that were foreign to her.

 

As the sun began to fade, you at last pulled away from Rey and stood. She rose mere seconds later prior to following you in the direction of the house you had grown up in. There were lights visible from two of the windows. You wondered what Kylo Ren had thought of your home, the one he had glimpsed from your memories. Had he explored all of the rooms? You planned on doing just that. On touching everything that you could to solidify the fact that this was  _ real _ . You grasped Rey’s hand, tugging her along and through the front door. Her jaw had dropped immediately, and her eyes were exploring every surface that they could.

 

Compared with others, your home was not the most extravagant on Naboo; yet it did have an air of nobility that bespoke of your mother’s political position. It was sad, you thought, that so many had believed that your extent of luxury would have kept you from joining the Resistance. Credits were nothing to you. The riches here, for you, were the memories of your childhood. The memories of your father and mother.

 

“Rey, what if my mother doesn’t love the person I’ve become?” you asked when the pair of you had entered your parents’ room. Rey lingered in the doorway, although her head turned left then right as she explored the contents with her eyes. Those warm orbs landed on your face. Before she had a chance to speak the words, you knew what she was about to say. They still managed to warm your heart.  _ She will _ .

 

Hours later, when you were in her arms underneath the covers on your bed, she repeated those words to you. You traced the contours of her face with the very tips of your fingers. A small lamp in the room illuminated her features and kept the darkness from fully consuming the two of you. Ren had not left the study where you had seen him earlier. Your father’s study, which was littered with children’s books and old toys as well as boxes of his belongings. You had been unable to enter the room; Rey had pulled you away, ensuring that you did not break down into tears as reality threatened to overwhelm you. You thought of the study as she spoke to you. Your life and your father’s, shoved into boxes. Your room had remained somewhat intact. Your bed, your clothes inside of the closet—though they, too, were in boxes rather than properly put away. Your mother must have hated you, you thought. She had believed that you did not care about your father’s death. She had believed that she had lost  _ both _ of you, in the same way you had feared you had lost both of your parents.

 

A revelation you faced was that your anger towards General Hux did not lessen. He  _ would _ have killed your mother without a care in the world. That she was alive only made the attack on Hosnian Prime less personal. It was, regardless, abhorrent. All of those lives lost in the blink of an eye. He was the destroyer of worlds.

 

Like Rey, you were more determined to temporarily work alongside Kylo Ren. There were enemies that were mutual between the Resistance and the First Order. On top of that, Rey becoming integrated with the Knights of Ren would assist her in growing as a Force user. That, along with the secret that she had whispered to you when she was certain that Kylo would not overhear. She had a connection with Master Skywalker. She could feel him in the Force, and reach out to him. The bond was much weaker than the one she shared with Kylo, and different than what she had with you. But it was there.

 

You lowered your hand from her face, shifting the limb underneath the blanket and grabbing onto hers. Luke Skywalker would assist in keeping Rey from drowning in the darkness as she toed that line. She would not become one of the Jedi of old; not the ones that you had heard about at least. Apparently there had been dark and gray Jedi in the past. Fallen Jedi—not all Dark users were Sith. Which, you thought, you should have already known from your experiences with Snoke and Kylo Ren alone. Though he was hesitant to approve of it, Luke understood Rey’s reasoning for remaining with Kylo Ren. Not only that she had stayed for you, but that she was aware the First Order currently had the numbers to easily wipe out the remnant of the Resistance. Working inside, the two of you had a chance of helping your allies.

 

You pressed your body against hers and fell asleep in her arms.

 

At some point she had extricated herself from your embrace, dressed, and had joined Kylo Ren outdoors. They were visible from your bedroom window. It was there that you watched them, their lightsabers activated. Ren’s stance was passive, whereas Rey charged forward. The dark haired Force user ducked easily—though this was in part because neither were aiming to kill the other—and said something. His lips moved, and seconds later Rey altered the manner in which she rushed for him. Her actions now were more fluid. You wondered what weapons she had wielded prior to obtaining the lightsaber.

 

You moved away from the window. The style of the clothing from the boxes in the closet no longer suited your tastes. With no alternative, save for the attire in which you had been dressed upon arriving on Naboo, you selected one of the more comfortable pieces. It was a loose garment though it complimented your shape. The material was softer than you remembered. You slipped your feet into shoes that matched, and at last exited your bedroom.

 

The last time you had walked out of the front door, you had left Naboo and formally joined the Resistance. This time, you went to the marble bench that was situated by an empty bird feeder. You did not remember it being there. Had your father or mother set it up? You poked the bottom, smiled to yourself, and began to watch the two Force users train together.

 

There was a story from your childhood that you remembered well. Though you would not learn until much later, it had spoken of the Jedi. Once hailed as heroes of the Republic, they later were demonized. The Empire had banned the children’s book, though your father had somehow kept a copy. It was your mother that had read it to you the first time, or at least the first time you could remember.

 

_ And once upon a time, _

_ Those monsters were heroes. _

_ To sing, to laud _ — _ all in their name. _

_ But darkness chases after light, _

_ And the shadows of our judgment _

_ Enshrouded the heroes, drowning them. _

 

You thought of how Kylo Ren viewed his parents. Hailed as heroes of the Rebellion, and now he viewed them as enemies. When had it changed? Had they ever been his heroes? Maker knew that numerous beings in the galaxy thought of General Organa as a warmonger. Luke Skywalker had many critics as well. Some even claimed that he had no Force capabilities, that he was a con artist. What tales would be told of Rey?

 

Said female deactivated her lightsaber, holstered it, and waited while her—teacher?—while Kylo did the same. Neither had broken a sweat. You imagined that their more intense training would occur in the near future. Presumably when the Knights were available to observe.

 

The new Supreme Leader of the First Order directed his attention on you.“There are officers in the First Order that had served the Emperor. Their loyalties and goals should be obvious.” You shared a look with Rey; there was a bud of hope growing in the both of you that Kylo Ren could be swayed, that the goals of the First Order that existed under his control would be less tyrannical than they had been under Snoke. “The mutual enemies of the First Order and Resistance—while the Master of the Knights of Ren ensures that they are dealt with,  _ you _ will learn how to utilize the weapons each one specializes in. Their deaths cannot be traced back to you.”

 

You found yourself sucking in air, your lungs full, and holding perfectly still. He was assigning you the task of killing officers of the First Order. This was what you had done for the Resistance. It had been your goal. And now? You felt humbled, knowing that you would be useful to your allies though you had to trust this man, your former—current?—enemy to accomplish the task. Kylo had not lied to you. You  _ would _ be serving the Resistance. He was not attempting to force you to kill your comrades, not mocking your beliefs as he had countless times in the past.

 

“You marrying her,” Rey said, earning your full attention as well as Ren’s. “The Knights of Ren will accept me as Master, and her as your wife.” A slow nod. “You’re leaving her with me, aren’t you? Once you marry her…”

 

Kylo Ren’s eyes flicked to your face. You had started to release a shaky breath, struggling with a sense of vertigo. “Temporarily while she learns. I cannot chance Hux or Phasma learning what skills she obtains. They are necessary for the time being. Following our marriage, you will remain behind under the pretense of health complications. I will send Urvno here to ensure he monitors your body as you train.”

 

Your mind had not stopped reeling from the news that he would be leaving you. It was what you had thought about numerous times in the past. Being away from the Force user, resuming missions as an LDS. You were no longer convinced that this was not all a dream. You were on Naboo and your mother was alive—that couldn’t be real, as much as you wanted it to be.

 

_ I could never belong to anyone else. _

 

Where he had tattooed your flesh, you had marked him in ways that could not be seen. His desperation to own you, for you to admit that you were his. Was that him projecting or deflecting his feelings? You tilted back your head and stared up at the gathering clouds. You knew how well that the man despised feeling weak, and how he believed that sentiment was a weakness. All of that denial.

 

“Ren… One final time.” Kylo knit his eyebrows towards one another. “We have to play make believe one last time.”

 

“For your mother,” he said. It caused your heart to flutter, to ache, that he knew you so well. “She won’t know.” You nodded. Beside Kylo, Rey pinched her lips together tightly and then visibly relaxed. “Are you ready to see her?”

 

Soft, almost breathless: “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was no beta for this chapter. In the original outline, Rey did not join the Knights until later and the RC started her position as an LDS again under slightly different circumstances. It was less cohesive the way I originally had it, so I am again thankful to TLJ's content for giving me a reason to change the sequence of things.


	36. THIRTY-SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in this chapter. It was a bit tough for me to write, as I kept hating everything I typed.

**Three Blind Tooke**

 

_ Part Two: Precarious Harmony _

 

Chapter Thirty-Six : The Soul Once Pure

 

This was the man that had prevented you from joining your allies in the furnace; because of him, you were more than mere ashes. Your mother, likewise, would have been debris if not for him. You walked at his side—Rey behind the pair of you—through the garden. The sun played on his face only to disappear in shadows, and then again return. The perception of him that you had also altered. It played, like a child, on a seesaw. First the kind face rising only to be replaced in the air by the shadowy creature he had once been to you. Monster and man, the two sides of this coin. This final time of playing pretend meant that your mother would not know the horrors you had been subjected to. She was alive, and you did not want to watch her break. This was a new chance for her, for you. She was all that you had left from your old life and the young woman you had left behind when you had joined the Resistance. She, along with your father, was what you had been fighting for. This time, fiction was your weapon. And the monstrous truth was the enemy.

 

On the  _ Finalizer _ , there had been a moment where you had seized General Hux’s hand. You now held Kylo’s, although he returned the grip without question or resentment. You had observed in the corner of your eye the way his gaze had dropped. The longing in his eyes at the sight of your hand in his. This was the reality he had wished for, for you to be at his side. It was a beautiful fantasy in a way.

 

Rey’s presence was something that kept you anchored to reality. Without her, you may have succumbed to the allure of the fantasy. You could feel her reactions through your bond. The worry over you. The moments she did picture the serenity of the scene. The ponderings of what could have been—had the galaxy been different, had all of you met under different circumstances. She kept things in perspective by also thinking of your mother. The joy you felt trickling through the bond regarded you being reunited with your mother. Something she wouldn’t have; a flicker of a memory between her and Ren, him speaking to her about her parents. You did not have all of the information, and you refused to hurt Rey by bringing it up. If ever she wished to talk about it, you would allow her to broach the issue.

 

The three of you stepped out from the garden, away the trees, and into an open field, across which there was a smaller house. Smaller, that is, by Naboo standards.

 

That house had been generally empty during your childhood, and you had come to expect it filled only by tourists as well as the occasional guest of your neighbors. You had not expected to find your mother so close to her old home. It did make sense in certain respects; the Knight guarding her would have access to her old belongings, and your mother would be close to your father’s grave. You knew that she would have fought tooth and nail to remain in close enough proximity to visit him.

 

One of the windows that was visible to you from this distance was open. There was a part of you that wanted to call out to your mother. You wanted to relinquish your hold on Kylo Ren’s hand and go running to the woman though you could not yet see her. Another part remained frightened, terrified that she would not love the person you had become. And that was just it: how  _ could _ she when you were intent on keeping her from learning the full truth? She would not know you completely. Only the glimpses that you would allow. Maybe in the future, when the war had ended, you would be brave enough and she would be strong enough to know everything.

 

The door to the house opened. You stopped short, your heart racing in your chest. The black armored Knight of Ren lingered in the doorway, blocking your view from the interior. Beside you, Kylo Ren gave a nod. His subordinate returned the gesture prior to stepping fully outside and moving out the way. He twisted at his torso and called inside to your mother, referring to her by her first name. You felt a sob rising in your throat when her voice called back. Your entire body swayed. Hands were on your arm. Rey’s hands, keeping you steady as Kylo squeezed your hand and looked down at you.

 

She emerged from the house, your mother dressed in clothes she never would have worn before. It was not that she was snobbish so much as she had always had to worry about being in the public eye. She had not only be representing herself in the past. Now she was. And so she wore looser, more comfortable clothing that were all the same lovely in your opinion. Your mother stopped short when she noticed you standing there.

 

Her lips pinched into a thin line. For her, it was different. She  _ had _ seen you more recently in all senses of the word. She had been aware, not under the control of Kylo Ren. You did not have that.

 

“Mom,” you whispered. She tore her eyes away from you to look instead at Kylo. In a way, you understood her actions. This man was her enemy; the First Order had destroyed the New Republic. And this man was also now the leader of the First Order—did she know that part? “Mother,” you tried again.

 

The woman lifted a single hand in offering for you to take it. You broke away from Kylo and Rey, stumbling forward and collapsing into your mother’s embrace. You held tightly onto her, your arms crossed behind her back and hands clasping onto the material of her top. Your knees again threatened to buckle. Your mother held onto you, supporting you. The first sob left you then another. Your entire body was shaking with the force of your cries, which drowned out most of her  _ shh _ s and the whispers of your name spilling from her lips. Her hand stroked down your back repeatedly as she sought to comfort you.

 

“I know who you are.” You had never before heard such venom in your mother’s voice. Without pulling away from her in the least, you knew that she was addressing Kylo Ren. Said man corrected her, stating that she knew only where he had come from, not his current identity. And then it spilled from him, his title of Supreme Leader of the First Order. Your mother’s hands grasped you, pulling you closer. “She would not have—”

 

Whatever it was your mother intended on saying, she cut herself off before she could finish. She moved you behind her. Her actions forced you to relinquish your hold on her momentarily; you quickly latched onto the back of her clothes. You could not let go of her for long. A part of you was afraid she would disappear, that she was nothing more than an apparition. Your mother voiced that she was aware it was only due to Kylo Ren that she lived. She knew, too, that he was capable in the Force. From there, she had arrived at the truth—or part of it, at any rate—that Kylo had influenced your actions the last time you had met with her. It was the only way your current reaction made sense.

 

The Knight of Ren that had been with her since shortly before the destruction of the Hosnian system now laughed. You glanced at him then looked at the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Rey moved forward. The young woman earned your mother’s attention. “What sort of game are you playing?” your mother hissed. Rey froze where she was. “You destroyed the New Republic, however saw fit to spare my life. My daughter lives as well. She belonged to the Resistance. You won’t toy with her like this.”

 

“Mother…”

 

“A prisoner of war.” You flinched at the words that were coming from the woman that had given birth to you. She was not backing down from Kylo Ren, whose amusement was clear as day given the smirk on his face. It was as though he was enjoying this experience of learning where you had learned some of your behavior. “You’ve developed feelings for her.”

 

_ I want to play make believe. She can’t know. Don’t let her know all the times you raped me. _

 

There was no way for you to speak these words aloud to Kylo without her hearing them as well. You looked to Rey instead, wondering if somehow she could tell him for you. Some sort of warning. Or would that only please the man? His amusement had only grown the more your mother attempted to shield you from him. You had to remind yourself that this was hardly the first time they had met. It was simply the first time that she recognized him for who he truly was.

 

“I will marry her.” You wished that you could see your mother’s face so that you would know how to comfort her. Your hands trembled where they remained holding her clothes. Kylo Ren looked to Rey, who drew her hand away from the lightsaber on her hip. She was ready to protect your mother, you could sense that. Kylo flicked his attention to the Knight of Ren. Following his gaze, you observed the warrior shifting his hand away from his weapon as well. “When the war is finished, I will return her to you.”

 

“It’s over for her,” your mother said, her voice quiet with the tone firm.

 

The Supreme Leader’s eyes darted away from your mother and landed on your face. His confident  _ no _ preceded the moment you felt the woman begin to tremble. As much as she wanted to have the power to control your fate, to protect you, she did not. What sucked all the air out of your lungs was the words she spoke next. Begging Kylo Ren to spare you by killing you if he refused to leave you here with her; he would destroy you, eliminate all the good that was in you otherwise. The war. The First Order. All of it would erase the parts of you that she loved.

 

You loved your mother, you did. But in that moment you wished that it was your father that had survived. That you had visited your mother’s grave.

 

“I  _ am _ broken!” you screamed, shoving past your mother and Kylo and Rey to run back towards the garden.

 

Having half expected Kylo Ren to use the Force to stop you, or the Knight of Ren to thwart your temporary escape, you were surprised when you broke past the first of the trees and found your feet on the stone path. What had almost made you stop was your mother shouting your name. Her calling for you, begging you to wait—Maker, you had nearly listened. You were too terrified that you would spill everything to her. She would always know that the relationship you had with Kylo wasn’t typical. You had been his enemy, had been captured. She would know that he had hurt you and interrogated you as a prisoner. Not the extent though. Never that.

 

You collapsed when you reached your father’s grave. On hands and knees, you stared down at the ground as water collected below you. Your tears.

 

Footsteps behind you made you hold your breath to keep in the sobs. Was it your mother? Rey? “Creature.” He did not scold you, did not correct you; Kylo Ren responded as though you had said his name. “Am I a monster?”

 

“She misspoke.” You had heard her say that when she was calling to you. It would have been nice to be able to believe it. “Your mother is worried that you will become the person you were when I controlled you. Hateful towards her. Resentful. Turning your back on morality.” Kylo Ren lowered into a crouch beside you without making physical contact. “I told her that I shattered a part of your mind during interrogation. She won’t know. Rey is with her now. Come back with me.”

 

You laughed bitterly. To your mother’s standards, you would be half a monster. You threw yourself at your father’s grave and clutched the top of it, hoisting yourself up to your feet. Another laugh caused your shoulders to shake. This had always been the woman who would come home to your mother. Ever since you had been taken as Kylo Ren’s prisoner—even if you had managed to somehow escape him and return home, a part of you had already been broken. In this respect, your father would have fared better. For your mother, it had been one of her greatest fears the moment you had announced that you would be joining the Resistance. War changed people. You would  _ never _ be the same girl she had raised, that child so innocent.

 

Had Kylo Ren failed to capture you, you realized, you would still have been broken in your mother’s eyes. You thought of the moment wherein you had been forced to kill your own ally after his weapon had backfired. That was a scar that you would carry.

 

“She would have been happier to have you here with her,” you told the grave. “I would have been happier… I’d trade places in a heartbeat.” You clenched your teeth. “Why did you let go of my hand?” You landed against Kylo’s chest when you threw yourself backwards. “The thoughts that went through my head… Wanting my mom there...so that I could have my dad here… I’m a  _ monster _ .”

 

“Or maybe broken.” You tilted back your head then, not satisfied with the angle at which you were forced to look at his face, you twisted around. He lifted a hand to trace your cheek with his knuckles. It was strange how relaxed you felt at his touch. The gentle way he stroked you was reminiscent of Rey. This was the human part of him, the side he kept buried in the darkness that had drawn him away from his parents and uncle. This was the part of him that you had missed when he had gone away to serve Snoke, when he had left you there alone.

 

You were grateful that it was Rey who had remained behind with your mother instead of him. Rey was filled with light, not only a small segment here and there. She was the one who could help your mother through the dark storms of confusion that were causing all of this turmoil. Kylo Ren would only have made things worse. Even if he had said nothing more. That was how your mother always had been, and it had served her well in her career. It had served  _ you _ well when you had developed a similar trait.

 

This time you did not reach for Ren’s hand. The two of you walked side by side without making physical contact. It was also different in that you stared at the ground the entire way. The feelings of wretchedness had not left you. You  _ were _ happy that your mother was alive. It had pained you when you had believed that she had been killed during the destruction of the Hosnian system. You lifted your gaze to the doorway only to find that your mother was no longer standing there. You then wondered why it was that you had believed that she would stay put. This was emotional for her as well.

 

As for the Knight of Ren, you could not hear him as you were able to listen to the the quiet whisperings of your mother and Rey’s conversation. Those susurrations offered you a semblance of comfort in their calm nature.

 

You paused mere feet from the entrance once you had stepped into the house. Kylo Ren closed the door. He made no move to walk past you, and you found yourself twisting to observe him. A part of you wanted him to greet your mother first this time. That way she could say whatever was on her mind before you made your appearance. Any anger she still harbored would be spent on him. Although, another part of you reasoned, that did not negate the chances of you hearing something hurtful. You stared at him for a little while longer then stopped fighting the inevitable. The longing you felt to see your mother again grew with every step you took in the direction of her voice.

 

What she had said—at one point, those had been your exact words to Kylo Ren, back when he had been nothing more than a monster to you. You had begged him to simply kill you instead. Demanded it of him. It seemed that there were plenty of ways that you were like her.

 

Your mother and Rey were seated together on a small couch. Rey noticed you first; your mother sat with her back to the door. Your eyes fell to her lap, to the doll she was holding onto. It had been one of your favorites as a child. One that your father had purchased for you. You could not remember the reason he had bought it. How many years ago had it been?

 

“Mom,” you said, causing her to turn. The woman did not rise to her feet. She seemed to you more cautious than she had been that first time. Her gaze warmer yet also less certain. “I’m not the person you think you know, not anymore. I won’t ever be that person.”

 

“I know.” She was not reaching for you as she had at the door. You wanted her to. There was pressure building in your chest. You wanted to tell her that you loved her, but you wanted her to say it first.

 

What was the extent of her love? She would always love you as a mother loved her daughter. There would be that fondness no matter how far apart the two of you were in a physical sense and otherwise. But did she care for the person you had become? Did this woman respect the choices you were making, that you had already made?

 

“I never wanted you to involve yourself in—that war was intended to end it. You wouldn’t have to fight. You would not have to carry the scars, because it never fully fades.” You found yourself nodding, agreeing with all that she was saying. “I’m afraid that if you go… This time you won’t come back. You won’t let yourself come back after the things you’ll find yourself doing. You commit yourself to something, and then you…” Your throat felt so thick as your mother swallowed and averted her gaze. “You let it consume you. You’ve always been that way.”

 

You wanted to tell her that you wouldn’t, not this time, however words failed you.

 

Kylo Ren stepped forward. Your mother’s attention snapped onto him. “I will bring her back to you.”

 

“And if you’re dead?” Kylo’s jaw twitched at her words. He managed to hold his tongue, to keep from reacting in anger.

 

Rey spoke next. “Then  _ I _ will.” She nodded encouragingly at your mother when the woman looked to her. “She will come back to you.” This time it was Rey who lowered her eyes. “You have to be ready to help her though.” You waited to hear how she would react. What did she have to say to that?

 

Nothing. Your mother informed the three of you that she was tired, and then, carrying your doll, walked out of the room.

 

It was not only you that this war had changed. This was not the woman you had left behind. She couldn’t be. She had been forced to deal with the loss of her daughter when you ran away. Then the loss of her husband when your father had passed away. The betrayal that had been dealt to her when the First Order had used you. The destruction of her entire career when Hosnian Prime had met its fate. In her own way, your mother was broken as well.

 

You moved onto the seat of the couch that she had vacated. Rey had not risen. Her hand went immediately to your knee, and you cupped one of your own around it, keeping her touch from leaving you. You needed something to feel grounded again. Something Light. You could feel her concern through your bond, although that was not necessary. It was written all over her face. She worried for you. You leaned nearer to her and rested your head on her shoulder.

 

She had waited so long for her own family to come back for her. They never had. Here she witnessed a reunion—oh, Maker. It hadn’t been the first time, had it? Rey had witnessed Kylo’s reunion with his father, and the result. Han Solo’s murder. The apprehension you felt from her, all this fear, it was so similar to your own. You shifted so that you were able to wrap your arms around her. This time Rey rested her head on your shoulder, her arms slipping around you. It was easy for you to forget how vulnerable she was, how much she had given up to be here for you. Leaving behind her friends for now.

 

It was your decision to return to the home in which you had been raised. Kylo and Rey followed after you, although the former had been delayed by the task of speaking with the Knight of Ren still charged with your mother’s care. At any moment General Hux could decide to make an impromptu visit to Naboo’s surface. The new Supreme Leader was not ready for the redhead’s reaction.

 

Parting ways with the two Force users once you arrived at the house, you mounted the stairs and walked into your parents’ bedroom. Your mother’s room, your mind corrected. There remained that strange sensation in the back of your head that your father was alive. He could walk through that door with your mother, the two of them sharing one of the secretive smiles. You missed that about them, about your past. You touched the bedsheets, and wondered how your mother had coped. The bed was immaculately made. She had not slept in these covers for some time. How long? It had taken Kylo Ren months to break you. How long had your mother been scrambling to pick up the pieces of her own life?

 

_ I dealt the first blow to her by leaving. _

 

For how long had she been clutching your doll? She needed something to hold onto, similarly to how you had used the remnants of Darth Vader’s helmet for comfort.

 

You smiled weakly while smoothing the crinkles in the covers that you had created. The bedside table had several old photographs that dated back to when your parents had first met and through your younger years. There were no pictures of you after the age of thirteen. They were the years before you truly began to rebel against your mother. You pinched the corner of one, lifting it up and drinking in the features of your father’s face.

 

There were footsteps coming from the hallway. Instead of entering the bedroom that you were occupying, they continued on further down the hall. You listened to them. Rey’s. She was inside of your bedroom now. Which, you well knew, meant that the second set of footsteps belonged to Kylo Ren. He did not copy the female’s actions of leaving you alone. At the same time, he did not fully intrude. His body blocked whatever light may have entered the room from the hall as he remained in the doorway.

 

“Tooke… The Knights will arrive by morning. I do not plan on holding an elaborate ceremony. From there, if you wish, I will leave you with your mother.” You lifted your gaze from the photograph. A variety of images swam before your eye. The texture of the wall was a toy for your mind. “It is not my intention to destroy you.”

 

You knew him well enough to be aware that the offer was genuine. If you asked it of him, Kylo Ren would not force you to participate in the war any further. You could fulfill your mother’s dream of remaining by her side. It was what the Resistance would have done with you if you had succeeded in escaping. Your silence had him speaking again, and you wondered if he was nervous. That you would accept. That you would decline. Which did he fear the most?

 

You listened as he spoke, his voice passive the more he went on. If you were to embark on the missions he intended for you, your first large target would be none other than Captain Phasma herself. The fight in the throne room on the  _ Supremacy _ had shown you all you needed to know to be certain that she was a formidable foe. The new Supreme Leader did not want her death traced back to him, as this would cause dissention among the stormtroopers. You did not wish for it to be traced back to the Resistance. Who then? Countless souls come back from the grave; how many had Phasma betrayed in her life? To target her was, in a way, as dangerous as your previous goal of killing Kylo Ren. What kind of a person would you become if you chose to take on this mission?

 

_ It’s what I signed up for when I joined the Resistance _ , you told yourself, averting your gaze from the wall to at last look upon Kylo Ren’s face. “When I would call you creature, was it always  _ tooke _ that you thought?”

 

“I thought of you as  _ monster _ sometimes,” he answered without hesitation. The honesty struck you less harshly than the answer itself. “Other times I thought of you as  _ glitterstim _ .” You wrinkled your nose. That was a new one for you. Another name to add to the list.

 

“What if I really am something of a monster, Ren?” You looked to the photographs of your parents. Dissected them in your mind’s eye. Memorized them for the future when you were gone. “I’m glad that she’s alive. But… What I am… I fight monsters. I can never be the girl my mother thinks of me as. I love her. Kriff…. I love her. So much that it hurts, that she can hurt me far worse than you ever did. With you, I never did feel like a monster. But with her… I’m not going to be good enough. That won’t stop me from ensuring the galaxy is safe for her. Phasma and Hux, I’ll kill them both. I’ll be a monster to protect my mother.”

 

The man who had once been your captor and was soon to be your husband extended his hand towards you. You stepped forward to accept the proffered limb. The leather was cool to your touch in that moment, identically so the following day when you met him at the altar. A small affair. The Knights of Ren had arrived. It was they that prevented General Hux and Captain Phasma from coming planetside during the ceremony. This allowed your mother to be present. She had not understood your refusal to wear white; you were instead adorned in red and gold in a similar fashion to the man that was holding your hand.

 

It had been at your insistence that the ceremony take place at your father’s graveside. There was no need for him to give you away at your wedding, not really. He had already done so by releasing your hand in order for you to return to the living world with Kylo Ren. You stared at said man through your veil. The two of you dyed red in the garden you had, as a child, played.

 

_ Make me a monster like you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually try to avoid asking for comments, however it would be much appreciated in this case. I have two versions of an outline for this fic. One wherein it remains the three-part fic I originally intended, and a another where I extend part two past 40 chapters by a little and wrap things up there. I do enjoy writing this fic, yet I've been nervous that readers are losing interest. So preferences on that, and any input would be very welcome. Thank you <3


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